Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I'm surprised at the number of people who showed up to my Nya's funeral. (Or is it a funeral? Is my little sis actually dead? No one seems to be able to tell me.)I mean, usually Ninjago kind of takes us for granted, but today a line of mourners snakes all the way up the stairs to our monastery.

Some depressed guy strides up to me and says in a nasal voice, "I'm sorry for your loss, young man. Nya was precious to my city."

"Uh…thanks." What else can I say? He walks off, shaking his head.

I clench my fists. When will they finally leave and let us grieve in peace? How much longer will I have to stand here with a fake smile on my face, thanking strangers for their apologies?

My brothers seem to think the same thing. Lloyd and Cole wear tight smiles like mine. Zane doesn't even bother trying to smile, and ignores the citizens who address him. Jay looks heartbroken, his dazed blue eyes full of tears.

I just want to set something on fire.

At last, the final mourner in line leaves. "I'm sorry for your loss." At least she sounds sincere.

We watch her walk down the winding stairs, the five of us standing in awkward silence. Zane's the first to break it. "I will cook dinner." He says flatly, and goes inside.

Everyone else mutters that they also have something to do (do what? Nya is gone) and wander off.

I had planned to train once the service was done, but I find myself following Jay inside. I'm worried about him; he's taking this harder than the rest of us, Nya being his Yang and all.

I find him standing motionless, staring at a picture of Nya on the wall. The picture was taken years ago, when she was still Samurai X. She glares confidently at the camera, convinced that she could take on all the Serpentine alone. She probably could.

Even after Nya became Samurai X, I would worry about her whenever she was away on missions. What if she got kidnapped by Serpentine? What if she got hurt and had no one to help her? One time, when she didn't get back to the Destiny's Bounty until after midnight, I stayed awake waiting for her. After she returned, she was pretty mad at me, insisting that she was a skilled warrior and didn't need her big brother's protection.

But now look at what happened to her! I couldn't stop her from losing herself in the ocean, I can never seem to protect her.

Jay notices me looking at the picture and turns around, watching me with a shocked, sad expression in his freckled face.

"Kai…?" He squeaks incoherently. "Kai…"

He bursts into tears, too distraught to be embarrassed. My breath hitches. The sight of sweet, dorky Jay crying makes me want to scream and punch something.

Instead, I hug him, mumbling nonsense like "It'll be okay. She really loved you. We'll always remember her."

After a few minutes, he pulls himself away from me and walks away, still crying. I hope I made him feel better, I'm not very good at comforting people and that sort of thing. I bet I didn't make any difference.

Anger flares up in my stomach, and I punch the wall next to Nya's picture. "How could you leave? Can't you see what you did to Jay?" I hiss, even though she can't hear me. I remember how Jay desperately tried to hug her, but his hands passed right through her. She had barely seemed to care that we would miss her; she insisted on following 'the call of the sea'. She didn't care that she was leaving her brother and her Yin.

"Why did you sacrifice yourself? We could have figured something else out…together…"

But we couldn't. Wojira, like most of the villains we have faced, was way past our level. Nya's sacrifice was the only option.

I lean forward, my forehead barely touching Nya's photo. "This has to stop." I whisper, angry tears flooding into my eyes. First Master Wu, then Zane, and now Nya; somebody almost always has to die because the rest of us suck at our jobs. That's not going to happen anymore; I won't let it.

I don't know how, but I've had enough.

Chapter Text

It is now 5:22 A.M. and I have just finished preparing breakfast. I must admit that I'm quite early this morning. Kai won't be awake for about 40 minutes yet (and perhaps longer, considering yesterday's…stressful events). I'm always up early, so I might as well make myself useful.

I wish for breakfast to be perfect tomorrow. Maybe my delicious waffles will finally bring a smile to Jay's face.

As I carefully pour maple syrup into a pitcher, I wonder if maybe, when he hears that I cooked breakfast, Master Wu will come out of his room. I miss him; I mean, I obviously see him every day, given the fact that I live with him, but we haven't really talked for…how many years…?

No I cannot…

A stream of sticky syrup runs down my pink apron onto the floor. I must have spilled it without noticing. Stupid.

I wet a rag and kneel to scrub away the mess. A voice in my head whispers, "Idiot nindroid! Don't you know how expensive that is? Your Master will be mad!"

It sounds like…that man. My advisor.

"Stop…" I gasp, and then clap my hands over my mouth. Did anyone hear me? No…the house is silent.

"No one can hear you."

"Snap out of it, Zane." I tell myself. I think about how much happier everyone will be once they learn that I have made all of their favorite types of waffles. I think about Jay's laughter, Pixal's beautiful voice, my falcon's calls…anything to distract me.

"Helpless…"

Sitting on the kitchen floor, I cover my ears. I feel so foolish. Nya is gone. My brothers need help. Yet here I am still allowing part of myself to be trapped in the Never Realm, with my advisor whispering into my ear. Why can't I just let things go, like Cole, or laugh through my trouble, like Jay? One thing I know…a sulky, emotional nindroid is not what the team needs right now.

"If you're no longer useful, Master can always scrap you and buy a replacement."

I hear shuffling footsteps; someone is awake. Scrambling to my feet, I assume my ordinary, calm composure.

Lloyd shuffles into the kitchen, blinking in the bright light. He yawns, "Gosh Zane. You're up early."

"Yes." He knows that I rarely sleep, but has never asked me why. Which is fine, of course, why should he care?

"You wish he cared, poor ninja. You wish he could save you from yourself. He can't."

I gasp, and then notice Lloyd staring at me. I try to disguise the gasp as a breathy laugh, saying, "I always awaken early to cook breakfast."

"Okay…" Lloyd crinkled his brows, concerned. "What's for breakfast?"

"Waffles." I reply, relieved at the change of subject. "What kind do you want? I have made blueberry, pecan, chocolate, and plain."

"Plain's fine, but…"

"Excellent." I grab a plate and stack on a few plain waffles. "How many would you like?"

"Zane, stop. I can get them myself." Lloyd snaps.

He grabs the plate out of my hands, and I jolt away from him. What have I done wrong now?

When Lloyd sees the hurt on my face, his expression softens. "Sorry Zane…I'm just…" He sighs heavily. "This is hard."

"Yes, it's hard for him to look at you; it's hard for him to talk to you, because you hurt him. He's seen your dark side, you know."

"Wh…what do you mean?"

"Nya…I miss her. Remember…you and she were the only ones who ever liked the pecan waffles." He chuckles sadly. "Why would someone want nuts in waffles? Yuck."

"Uh, she and I find pecans tasty." I say, relieved that he is not irritated with me.

"You mean 'found'." Says Lloyd. He falls silent, lost in his own gloomy thoughts.

Lloyd is quite an emotional person, and when he is unhappy, he makes his misery obvious through his body language. For example, right now he sits hunched over at the table with his head in his hands.

A cold, dark part of me resents him for being so broody, so unsteady, so human. Shouldn't he be stronger than ever for his team, with Nya gone?

"He can't be strong, that's why you always have to be strong for him. You are above him, my dear friend."

Oh no. I can't let these dark thoughts into my mind.

"Lloyd, one of these days I really should teach you how to cook. You would love to know the subtle differences between white flour and wheat flour, would you not? I never use wheat flour for bread, it ruins the texture…" And on I ramble, trying to get out of my head. I don't care that Lloyd is not listening.

Soon Kai, Cole, and Pixal come in for breakfast. Usually, the first few minutes of the day are filled with bright good mornings, jokes, and witty banter from Jay. But this morning, no one is in the mood.

Kai combs one hand through his untidy hair and stuffs a whole waffle in his mouth. "Hmffmmorning." He grunts sourly.

Wearing a tight smile, Pixal gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I see that you stayed awake all night cooking again."

"Not all night." I tried to sleep, I really did.

"Guys, where's Jay?" Says Cole, worried.

"I haven't seen him." Says Lloyd.

"He is most likely still asleep. I think we should give him some alone time." If I were him, I would desire a few days to grieve by myself.

"I don't know…doesn't Jay usually cope with stuff by talking to us about it?" Asks Lloyd.

Kai stands up, roughly shoving his chair aside. "I'm checking on him." He erupts, and strides toward Jay's room.

Pixal glances at me and raises her eyebrows, questioning. I shrug, sure that Kai is overreacting…

"He's not here!" Yells Kai's voice from the hallway.

"What?" Shouts Lloyd, running over to him. "Jay?"

Everyone scrambles to different parts of the monastery, calling, "Jay? Where are you?","Someone check the training ground!","What the heck…Jay!"

Instead of wandering about blindly screaming Jay's name, I go into his room. There may be clues buried here that Kai, in his blind anger, missed.

By buried, I mean in the literal sense. Who knows what oddities could be hidden under the enormous piles of clothes, comic books, and candy wrappers that cover the floor.

After kicking aside a few mounds of Fritz Donnegan books and (hopefully clean) underwear, I spot a bright orange post-it note stuck to Jay's bedside table.

I tear it off, an icy knot of dread forming inside my stomach. It's written in Jay's untidy, distracted handwriting:

"Hey guys. You know Nya, my Yang, left and became the ocean yesterday. You all seem to have forgotten how much she meant to me, to all of us! But I haven't. She was my rock, I depended on her more than anyone else. I don't know how to live without her! So I'm sorry, but I have to follow her wherever she goes, even to the edge of the sea. It's been fun. Goodbye. -Jay W."

I stare dumbly at the paper, processing what I have read. Where has Jay gone? Is he going to…no, not Jay.

Right?

My anxiety growing, I cry, "Guys! Lloyd! I found something!"

They charge in frantically. Lloyd snatches the paper out of my hand and reads it to himself.

"What does it say?" Asks Cole in a small voice.

Lloyd rereads the note out loud to everyone. "But wait," He adds. "There's something written on the back! 'P.S. If you need me, Zane knows where I am.'"

My friends all stare at me expectantly, waiting for my intelligent answer to Jay's location. I search my mind for some hint Jay might have given me before he left, but I come away empty.

"Now if he destroys himself, it will be because you don't know how to find him." I flinch at the smooth voice.

"Well Zane?" Snaps Kai impatiently.

"I do not know where he is." I say in a dead tone. "I don't know what he is talking about. At least we know he is alive."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Groans Lloyd. "C'mon Zane, you're smart. Think harder!"

"I don't know, Lloyd! I'm sorry!"

"Remember what I said about getting scrapped?"

"Are you sure you don't know?" Says Pixal gently.

"Zane, this is kind of important!" Yells Kai. "You were up last night, weren't you? Why didn't you see Jay leave? "His eyes are full of fire; he looks like he wants to smack me.

"I don't know! He must have climbed out his window! Stay away from me!"

"Dude, guys, stop." Cole interrupts, stepping between Kai and I. "Jay left. It's done. It's over. It's not Zane's fault if he doesn't know where he is. How can he, when Jay's note was so cryptic?"

"So how will we find him?" Says Lloyd.

"I think that we should wait a few days to try and look for him." Says Cole. "Like Zane said earlier, Jay probably just wants to be alone. If isn't back in a week or so, we'll try and find him."

"Wait." I say." I…I'm sure that if I examine some maps of Ninjago, I will discover where Jay is. Just give me some time."

"That's a good idea, Zane." Says Lloyd. "You do that."

He hands the note back to me and walks away. The others follow him, Pixal shooting me a look of concern as she leaves.

"Why on earth would I know where you are?" I mumble.

"Because Jay thought you were smart enough to remember. Pathetic ninja! Apparently he was mistaken"

"Shut up." I sigh, exhausted. I sit on Jay's bed and close my eyes. Meditating may help me locate Jay. I have not meditated properly in over sixty years, but I might as well try.

But even after hours of meditation, all I hear is static and my evil voices. I decide that maybe I should give up meditation for good; the thoughts in my head are too chaotic and I cannot think.

Chapter Text

I lay on the floor of my bedroom, mindlessly scrolling through my smartphone. Since the morning Jay left, I have been bored out of my mind.

Neither I nor anyone else has any idea where Jay is. I tried to call him but his number came back invalid, so I messaged him on every social media platform I could think of. Another failure; he had deleted all his accounts.

As a last-ditch attempt, Pixal hacked into his phone to track its location. She succeeded, and we thought we had found Jay at last, but his phone's location turned out to be the bottom of his pants drawer.

I was shocked. The Jay I know can't go without his phone for ten minutes, let alone several days.

Anyways, Zane is our only remaining hope for finding Jay. So we have practically no hope, because Zane's been meditating and staring at maps nonstop for days and has made zero progress.

There's nothing I can really do to help him. He looks at a road on map for 5 seconds and can calculate its length, curviness, altitude, climate, bumpiness, and speed limit just by the map's tiny lines.

I look at a map for 5 seconds and still can't find the road.

And that's why I'm laying around wasting time looking at Pictogram. What else am I supposed to do?

A message pops up, blocking out the selfie I'm staring at (some 'fangirl' of mine who I barely know poses with a dude cosplaying as me. What the flip?) It's a text from Dareth.

Ugh, what does he want? He calls us almost daily and, if he had his way, would ramble on for hours about his hundreds of hobbies. Luckily at this point we all have his number memorized and have invented multiple excuses to hang up on him.

The text reads: "Hey Kai! I found the perfect job for you! It could be a life changing opportunity! Why don't you come over to my place so that we can make arrangements! You're gonna love it! ;-)"

The vague message is jammed full of explanation points. Typical Dareth.

He's always coming up with these "great ideas", new careers for himself to try. Sometimes he also tries to convince us to get weird jobs that, according to him, will "compliment our powers" or "reveal our hidden talents."

The jobs he has recommended to me include modeling, being a TV reporter, a security guard, and, of course, a pyrotechnician. This is a dangerous situation; who knows what Dareth will try and rope me into this time.

But whatever, I might as well hear what he has to say. It's not like I have anything else to do.

I send him a text back: "if u say so! Be there soon!"

Stuffing my phone in my pants pocket, I head towards the entrance of the Samurai X cave. Cole intercepts me on the way. Judging by the dull, sleepy look on his face, he feels just as bored and worthless as I do.

"Where are you going?" He asks as I step into the elevator to the Cave.

"Dareth wants to meet up at his house to discuss one of his 'job recommendations.'" I reply, using finger quotes. "I'm bored, so I'm going."

"A job recommendation? Sounds fun to watch! I'm coming too. Uh…I need cheering up." He jumps into the elevator just before the door shuts.

"We all need cheering up." I grumble.

"Yeah, did you ask Lloyd and Zane if they want to come?"

"Nah, they're probably busy." Zane's still searching for Jay, of course, and Lloyd has been spending all his time in the library.

Surprisingly, Pixal doesn't ask us where we're going, she just sighs and tells me that she repaired my old Katana 4×4.

"Wow really? Thanks Pix!" I shout happily, climbing onto the ATV.

"You're most welcome." Says Pixal. "Wait…Kai?"

"What?"

"Have you spoken with Zane lately?" She sounds anxious.

"Um…not really. Why?"

"You two and I…we need to talk sometime." She gestures to Cole and me, her tone almost threatening.

"Okay?" Jeez, what's her problem?

"We're going to Dareth's, wanna come along?" Asks Cole, breaking the tension.

"No." She says curtly. "Have a good time."

"Uh…okay." Says Cole awkwardly. He glances at me, "that was weird…"

Ten minutes later, we cruise into Ninjago City, talking and laughing. We jabber on and on about random things, mostly to distract ourselves from our own helplessness, I guess. I mention the weird cosplay dude I saw on Pictogram, and Cole bursts into hysterical laughter. At some point he turns on the radio and starts singing along (badly) to all the songs, occasionally adding criticisms like, "This one's too fast! This one's too slow! Not enough bass drum! You know what would complete this song? A kazoo solo!" I nearly swerve off the road because I'm laughing so hard.

We reach Dareth's junky little apartment. Before my finger even touches his doorbell, he flings the door open with a whoop. "Kai! Cole! Great to see you! Um…just a minute."

He kicks some empty noodle containers and video games out of our path. "Okay, come on in!"

Shoving aside a thick book (titled Ninjago's Code of Law, Vol. I), Dareth flops onto his beat-up, grayish couch. Cole takes a seat next to him, but I remain standing, my arms crossed.

"Boy, it's so good to see you." Dareth says. "I've been wondering how you're holding up since, you know…" He trails off.

"We've been doing alright." Cole reassures. "Well, Jay left, but other than that we're okay!"

Cole is trying so hard to look on the bright side right now, it's kind of sad.

I clear my throat, "Dareth, you said you had a job offer for me."

"Oh yeah." He pulls a pack of paper out from under a couch cushion and hands it to me. "Technically, this is a job offer for me, but I've already decided to become a lawyer."

"You? A lawyer?" Chortles Cole.

"Hey, what can I say? I've got a strong sense of justice."

I read the form (which has an unidentifiable grease stain on it). "People want you to reopen your Mojo Dojo?"

"Yup. After this last attack on the city, the parents of all my former pupils realized that their kids should have more knowledge of self defense."

"You're saying all these parents decided simultaneously that you should reopen your dojo?" I say, raising one eyebrow.

"No, they've been bugging me to reopen my school for a few years now." Says Dareth wearily.

Cole flips through the law book."That makes sense." He says. "Wojira, Unagami, Aspheera, the Overlord, the Devourer, Garmadon…am I missing any? How many villains have attacked this city? I honestly have no clue why anyone lives here anymore."

"Okay, but what do I have to do with any of this?" I ask, starting to feel nervous.

"I was wondering if you would like to take over my Mojo Dojo."

I stare at him in disbelief. "Uh…what?"

Dareth groans. "C'mon,you're a ninja, aren't you? No one knows how to fight better than you do! You'll be a huge success! You'll have plenty of students in no time!"

I consider his offer. The last time I was a teacher, my students hated me and misbehaved constantly. Why would I want to go through that again?

But on the other hand, if I teach these kids a little self defense, they could be spared a lot of suffering. I wonder how many innocent kids have lost their sister to some villain, just as I did? Wouldn't I protect the citizens of Ninjago better by training them to fight for themselves instead of always fighting for them, allowing them to remain helpless?

"I'll do it." I say before I change my mind.

"Yes! Oh, I knew you would do it, you selfless little ninja!"

Cole stares at me like I've lost my mind, dropping his book.

I ignore him. "How do we start? Should we head down to your old Dojo then and make sure it's ready?"

Shaking his head, Dareth says, "Ha, no. The family of one of my old students is willing to donate a new building to whoever agrees to be their son's fighting trainer. It's a nice place, cost them a ton of money. But they're made of money so they don't mind."

"Sweet."

"I'll have to schedule a meeting with them, to let them know that you'll take my place. Your first class should be a couple weeks from now."

"Sounds good." I say, grinning.

Dareth glances at his phone and gasps. "Oh no. I'm late for my job interview!" He snatches up the law book and flips through the pages frantically. "I didn't study!"

"Uh, should we go…?" Says Cole.

"Yes, you need to go. I need to go! Let's go!" He dashes out the door without bothering to lock it.

"I still can't believe that he's gonna be a lawyer. Honestly, that book looks like something that only Zane would read." Cole chuckles. Then his face falls. "So…a teacher." He says glumly.

"Yeah, but think of all the good I can do! I'm so tired of hanging around at home doing nothing!" As we walk down to my ATV, I explain to him my reasons for wanting to teach.

He doesn't look convinced. "I get why you want to do it, but…I still don't like that you're leaving. We're a team, right? We should stick together."

"Are we a team?" I snap, upset. "I don't think we've been a real team since Jay and Nya left."

"And so you think that's an excuse for you to leave too?" Cole argues.

I scoff. "Gosh, I'm sorry for wanting to prepare these kids for life." I say sarcastically. "Besides, it's not like I'm moving away. I'll still live at the monastery."

Cole doesn't say another word to me the whole ride home.

When we get back to the monastery, Lloyd is in the courtyard chatting happily with…Master Wu! Lately, Master Wu has spent all his time either meditating in his room or studying scrolls in the library. He's been basically ignoring us since Nya left.

"Master Wu!" Cole exclaims. "It's good to see you!"

"Yeah!" I add, not sure if I'm happy to see him again or annoyed.

"Hello Kai, Cole." Says Master Wu. "What have you been up to this beautiful afternoon?"

"We visited Dareth! He wants Kai to run his old dojo!"

"What?" Master asks.

I tell him about our visit and my plans to take over Dareth's dojo, expecting him to be pleased with me for getting up off my butt and choosing to do something good for Ninjago.

To my surprise, he frowns and shakes his head. "Kai, Kai, Kai. Someday, you must learn to be patient."

"Excuse me, Master?" I ask, my heart sinking.

"Do not run off in search of good deeds to do. Being a ninja is your good deed, and here with your team is where your destiny lies."

"But…"

Master Wu's gaze turns sharp. "Lloyd is forming a plan to rescue your sister, and I assume you want to participate in it." He strides away.

"He is?" Leave it to Lloyd to come up with a plan when the rest of us have lost hope! My plans for teaching vanish; I need to save my sister.

"Really? Awesome! So, what's the plan?" Asks Cole, excited.

"Master and I have been talking…" Says Lloyd. "To help Nya, we need to, first of all, find a way to keep her with us on land, and, secondly, somehow remove her from the ocean's power."

"But she can't survive on land, right? She's made of water." I say. "It's not like we can scoop her up in a bucket, can we?"

"A bucket of Nya? No." Says Cole.

"Cole's right, we can't do that, but I have another idea." He pauses for effect. "We freeze her."

"Freeze her? What do you mean?"

"Once we find her, Zane will turn her into ice. Then, she'll stay in one place while we figure out how to steal her powers, and…"

"We're gonna steal Nya's power?" I interrupt.

"It's the only way to free her from the ocean's hold!" Lloyd insists. "Do you have any better ideas?"

"No but…losing her power…that's her greatest fear."

"She won't like being frozen either." Says Cole.

"I know, but I just want her back. And I know you do too."

After a heavy silence, Cole asks, "Uh…how will we steal her powers?"

"I admit, I'm not actually sure yet." Says Lloyd, relieved that we are considering his plan. "Tomorrow I'm going to Borg Tower with Zane to do some research."

"Okay, so we have a while to decide if this is a good idea." I say.

"Yes, but if you two could research ways to take Nya's powers without hurting her, that would be super helpful."

"Okay."

I don't like his plan; it's risky and could hurt Nya more than help her. But if I get to see my sister again, happy on dry land, the risk may be worth taking.

Chapter Text

Thank the First Spinjitzu Master; I know how to get Nya back! Master Wu and Cole are definitely going along with my plan. I think Kai's still on the fence about it, but he misses Nya more than any of us, so he should agree to it eventually.

A united attempt to rescue Nya is exactly what my team needs to hold it together. Without a plan, a solid goal, we will drift apart, each following our separate ways, drowning in sorrow. I wish that I had made a plan sooner, before Jay left. If my plan fails, Kai will most likely leave too.

But it won't fail. I just need to convince Zane to help me catch and freeze Nya. Okay, so I haven't told him about the plan yet and have no clue if he'll agree, but why wouldn't he? Oh yeah, I also don't know how to turn Nya back into herself, but I'm about to do some research. That issue should sort itself out once we have Nya frozen.

I knock on the door to Zane's room and, when he doesn't answer, open it an inch.

"Zane? I…"

"You may come in, but don't touch anything." Says Zane from inside.

I fling open the door and step in…

"Wait!" Shouts Zane. He holds up his hands, gesturing for me to stay still. He has a wild, excited look in his brilliant eyes.

Oh gosh. He's in what we call his "genius mode."

Zane has spread several dozen pieces of paper out on the floor, combining them to create a large map. The map is intricately hand drawn. How much time has Zane spent on it?

I realize that I'm standing on one of the map pieces. "Sorry." I say, moving to a bare section of the floor.

"That's okay." Says Zane. He takes a massive leap across the room over his precious map. He's aiming for the empty floor where I stand but, unfortunately, his foot lands on a piece of paper and he slips, falling flat on his back with a clang.

Stifling a giggle, I grasp his hand and pull him to his feet. "What are you doing?" I ask him.

"I am attempting to make a map of every location I have visited with Jay." He says seriously.

Laughing, I tell him, "That's impossible!"

"No it's not. I have a perfect memory, and I'm nearly finished." Zane rarely shows much emotion, but I can see by his furrowed eyebrows that he's hurt by my laughter.

"Zane, you tried your hardest to find Jay, but I think it's time to move on."

"No wait, I can work harder. I'm not tired of this task. I enjoy having something to do."

"Zane, I know how to get Nya back."

Zane's eyes widen. "What? How?"

"You can freeze her in place, and then we will take away her powers." Zane opens his mouth to argue, but I interrupt him. "It's not the best plan, but it's the only way to save her."

For a fraction of a second, Zane's eyes light up with joy at the thought of seeing Nya again. Then they darken. "I don't think I can freeze her, Lloyd. My ice powers have been…unruly lately."

"Why not? Why have they been unruly?" I ask, surprised.

"I…I don't know. What if I hurt Nya accidentally? What if freezing her harms me?" Asks Zane.

"Hey, you're one of the most talented elemental masters I know. Don't worry, it will work out fine."

"But I…"

"Please stop freaking out and just do what I say." I plead desperately.

Zane's shoulders slump in defeat. "Alright, fine. How do we begin?"

"Come with me to Borg Tower. We need to research how to steal Nya's element."

"Yes, Lloyd Garmadon." Says Zane robotically.

I give him a suspicious glance. Is he being sarcastic? Zane's been so hard to read lately. Well, he always has been, but he's gotten worse.

He just gives off a vibe, you know? When he walks into a room, immediately everyone feels more depressed. Sometimes he zones out in the middle of a conversation, or says things that are completely out of context. He also uses his human cloaking all the time, which is a little weird.

I think he misses Nya a lot. Luckily, we're about to solve that problem.

Later, we're walking up the steps of Borg Industries. Though the building towers over us ominously, I'm in a hopeful mood. Cyrus Borg stores a ton of artifacts in his tower: Aspheera's staff and her Scroll of Forbidden Spinjitzu, the Sword of Sanctuary, the Techno Blades… who knows how many ancient manuscripts he has! We should figure out how to save Nya in no time!

I realize that Zane is no longer walking alongside me, but has fallen a few paces behind.

He looks…nervous. He holds his arms crossed over his chest and rubs his shoulders with his hands. He keeps flinching as if he's in physical pain.

I'm about to ask him if he's okay, but I'm distracted by a man who runs up to me calling, "Green ninja! Mister Green ninja!"

"Uh…hi?"

"It's me, Fred Finley! Yeah… that Fred Finley! Award winning reporter! So, is it true? Is the old gang splitting up?" He heaves his camera onto his shoulder and starts to film me.

"What? No!" I reply. I don't have time for the paparazzi right now. "Look sir, I have some work to do. You can interview me later."

"Oh! Of course…"

"Lloyd?" Zane points towards a few more reporters running towards us. FSM, this is the worst part of being a ninja.

"C'mon Zane. Let's…" Zane isn't listening to me, but stares up at the tower with a strange look of longing on his face.

Oh no. It hits me like a ton of bricks; he can feel the Scroll! How long was he holding that evil thing in the Never Realm? Like, twenty years? Of course he's still addicted to its power! If he gets anywhere near the Scroll of Forbidden Spinjitzu, he'll probably steal it and turn evil again!

"Zane, why don't you stay outside and tell the reporters about our plan?" I suggest, carefully keeping all harshness out of my tone.

"What?" Zane's voice drops to a whisper. "You know how awkward I am with reporters!"

"Of course I do! But what's a better way to get over that awkwardness than to practice! Keep trying, you'll get less awkward eventually!" With that, I flee into the tower.

Zane's voice follows me inside. "Wait, Lloyd, don't leave! I don't want to stay out here, where I…"

The doors slam shut behind me, cutting him off.

"Why, hello Lloyd! What are you doing here?" Cyrus Borg wheels himself towards me, looking concerned.

"Hi, Doctor Borg." I say politely. "I was wondering if you have any ancient manuscripts or something about elemental powers."

"Hmmm. I believe I have a few. How about we go downstairs and take a look?"

"Gosh, thank you Doctor. This is super important to me. I'm figuring out a way to get Nya back."

"That's wonderful!" He peers curiously behind me. "Is Zane coming in?"

Zane's talking to Fred Finley, occasionally sending glares in my direction. "Nah, he's busy dealing with the press."

"Those reporters, always causing a commotion." Borg rolls his eyes. "I could see them gathering on my doorstep all the way from the 100th floor! That's why I came down here, to investigate."

"Okay. So, are we going?" I wave toward the elevators. The way Zane is looking at me is making me feel guilty. I just want to get the books and get out of here.

"Yes, yes."

We take an elevator down to the basement floor, where the artifacts are stored. Borg leads me past blades of all sorts, creepy masks, and other random objects to a bookshelf.

A laser grid and a thick sheet of Clearstone block the shelf. After Borg taps some buttons on the wall, the lasers disappear and the Clearstone slides away.

The bookshelf is packed with worn, ragged scrolls and enormous books. Borg begins to search through them.

"Wow. Those books are beautiful." I breathe. I wish that Zane were here. He would die to get his hands on these books.

"Yes, they are." Doctor Borg agrees. "I store all of my books and scrolls here. Except for one, of course."

Oh yeah. I can't forget the important reason why I made Zane stay behind.

"You mean the Scroll of Forbidden Spinjitzu? Where is it?" I ask.

"In the next room. I will show you. Here." He dumps a bunch of books and scrolls into my arms. "These should aid you in your studies."

"Thanks." I reply, adding nervously, "And…I don't need to see the Scroll." I do not want to risk being tempted to touch it.

"Alright." Says Borg, confused.

"Actually, it would probably be best if you moved it somewhere safer. The same goes for Aspheera's staff. You don't know how powerful they are." I stagger under the tall pile of books.

"My tower has the best security in all of Ninjago." Laughs Borg.

"Yeah, but both I and Za...my teammates know that they're here. They should be moved somewhere hidden even from us ninja." Because I don't want Zane to turn evil again. I don't say. Because I don't want to turn evil like my father.

"I don't understand why you wish for the Scroll and the Staff to be hidden from you," Says Cyrus Borg. "But I trust your judgment. I'll make arrangements for these artifacts to be relocated as soon as possible."

"Thanks so much. I had better get back to Zane now."

"You're welcome Lloyd. Yes, we should see how Zane is faring."

When we step out of the elevator back into the atrium, Borg and I are greeted by a couple of security guards.

"Oh good there you are, sir." Says one. "We've got a bit of a situation outside. The crowd of reporters is getting bigger and bigger."

"Oh dear." Mumbles Borg.

"Really?" I ask, worried about Zane. I drop my books and hurry outside.

When I leave the building, I'm immediately overwhelmed by the noisy yammering of excited voices. There must be nearly thirty reporters gathered in front of the tower.

A younger woman yells and points at me. "It's the Green Ninja! Tell us about your plan!"

Wincing, I scan the crowd, searching for Zane. I spot him in the thickest part of the throng. He's hemmed in by several reporters who question him loudly.

"Zane!" I shout, waving at him. I shove rudely through the crowd towards him.

"Lloyd?"

Reaching him, I exclaim, "Where did all these people come from? You okay?"

"Oh FSM they won't stop coming." Gasps Zane. His voice glitches as he speaks and his eyes dart about frantically from face to face. I wish I didn't leave him alone out here, large groups of people have always made him uncomfortable.

"It's okay, Zane." I reassure him, trying to quell my own anxiety. The reporters' questions grow noisier and more insistent.

"How are you handling Nya's loss?"

"Where's the rest of the team?"

"Do you have a plan to rescue her?"

"Yes! Yes I do!" I holler over the din. "Quiet down and I'll tell you about it!"

The reporter replies but I can't hear him.

"One at a time, please!" Zane shouts. Somebody steps forward and thrusts a microphone at Zane, nearly poking him in the eye.

"You, nindroid!" She yells. "Are you unhappy that Nya's gone? Or do you not have feelings? I don't know, are you advanced enough to…"

"Hold on, that's enough!" I cut in. I would love for the paparazzi to spread the word about my plan, but these reporters are too excited and greedy to deal with.

"Lloyd, I suggest that we take shelter in Borg Tower. Follow me!"

"No wait!" I grab his arm before he can move. "You…we can't go in there!"

"Why not?" He asks, seeming genuinely surprised. He must be faking.

I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of him getting scared of every little thing and then lying to me about it! Doesn't he know how much I need his help?

"Because…that thing's in there! You know…" I make a claw shape with my right hand, as if I'm holding a staff.

"Lloyd, umm…I don't know what you're talking about. But there's so many…they are too loud…please can we just go inside?" Zane pleads.

"Borg has the Scroll, Zane! And I know you can feel it too! You've been acting weird since we got here!"

Zane goes rigid. "Why did you tell me that! I…"

"Look, I get it. You don't want to be reminded of that place any more than I do. But…imagine if you had killed me, like you nearly did! We can't let something like that happen again!"

"Why in Ninjago would you assume that I was thinking about the Scroll?" Says Zane, offended. "For once that's not what I was thinking about!"

"Then why…"

"This is where I died, Lloyd. This is where I blew myself apart to defeat the Overlord!" Zane explains angrily. "I'm sorry, am I not allowed to feel something after that?" His eyes grow unfocused.

"No you are. I'm sorry, I didn't…"

"The green one thinks I'm still evil." Says Zane, his voice cracking.

"No, no I don't. Who are you talking to?"

Throughout our argument, the reporters have been watching us with wide eyes and slightly open mouths. Now, the interrogation begins.

"What do you mean by evil?"

"Did you say he tried to kill you?"

"Yes, I did." Zane says, a strange smile coming to his face. "And I did worse things too. I used to be a tyrant."

The crowd oohs. "What are you doing?" I ask warily.

Zane turns to me, still smiling, but his eyes are sorrowful. "Years ago, when rebels like you annoyed me, you know what I would do?" His face goes slack. "I would gently take their hand… and send a blast of ice up their arm. Often, when their blood froze, little needles of ice would poke right through their skin."

The crowd is dead silent. Zane raises one hand. "Now…who would like to go first?"

Everyone scrambles away from him. I'm frozen in shock, my insides knotting up with concern. "Stop!" I scream, jumping in front of Zane. "What is wrong with you?"

"They're gone." He Murmurs, swaying a little on his feet. "Are you happy?"

"No, of course not! Come on, we need to talk to Master Wu about this." I reply firmly.

Cautiously, I grasp him by the shoulder, stifling a gasp at how cold he is. Zane jumps at my touch, staring at me as if he's surprised to see me.

Then, his human cloaking shuts down, and the electric blue light fades out of his eyes. I barely manage to catch him before he hits the ground.

Chapter Text

I cruise through the streets of Ninjago City, weaving boldly between cars and pedestrians. My velocity exceeds one hundred miles per hour; a comfortable speed for testing a newly built motorbike. I designed this bike for Jay, and thus I embellished it with lightning-like blue zig zags and gold plating.

And yes, I firmly believe that Jay will be coming home soon, and that, at some point, our next adventure will begin and he will be in need of a new vehicle.

An adolescent female squeals when I zoom by her, inches away from her beloved green Corvette. Rolling my eyes, I glance behind me to assure myself that her car is unharmed. I did not leave a scratch. Being a highly advanced android, every move that I make is carefully calculated. On account of my perfect focus, I could fly about my city twice this quickly without even grazing another vehicle.

As if to test my concentration, an alert flashes on my interface; an incoming call from Lloyd's number. I press a few buttons on my dash, so that the message will play through the motorbike's speaker.

"Hello? This is Samurai X speaking." I answer.

"Hi Pix, it's Lloyd." He sounds upset.

"What can I do for you?"

"Well…uh…you know I'm at Borg Tower…I came here to study some manuscripts with Zane." He stutters.

"Yes, I know." I wait impatiently for him to finish what he has to say, all while trying to keep my attention on the road.

"Zane…well, I think I had better tell you when you get here. Some stuff happened and Zane started malfunctioning and then he passed out."

"Oh no." Not again.

"How soon can you get to Borg's?"

"I will be there in four minutes." I make a risky U-turn and speed toward the Tower.

In my head, I list off all the things that could be wrong with my boyfriend. (Can I call him my boyfriend? That is such a human term.) Did he overheat? Did he get hacked or catch a virus? I reassure myself over and over that Zane malfunctions all the time and that I have always been able to fix him.

Just under five minutes later, I exit the elevator of Borg's Tower onto the one-hundredth floor. I am immediately hit by a blast of cold air; the temperature must be below freezing in here! I take the unnatural cold as a bad sign.

My father sits in front of a digital display, studying its complicated graphs and statistics. Near him lies Zane on an operating table. This scene (Zane lying on his back, unconscious) has become much too familiar to me lately. Destiny has not been kind to him. (Or to any of us, but especially not to him.

Looking more closely at Zane, I notice a thin film of delicate royal blue ice covering him and spreading outward around him like a halo.

"This has never happened before." I murmur as I step carefully over the slippery ice to where Zane lies.

Borg jumps, startled, when he hears my voice. "Pixal! Thank the Master! I…" He shoots a remorseful glance toward Zane. "I can't find anything wrong with him. His body shows no injuries. From what I can tell his code seems intact and his processor is not damaged."

He gestures to the screen, which I can now see is displaying Zane's electrical activity. Two thick wires connect him to the machine, one from the back of his head and the other from his chest. Cyrus Borg is correct, the read-outs appear normal.

"Excuse me." My creator moves aside so that I can further analyze the data.

"Do you see anything?" Lloyd strides up from a shady corner of the office. I did not realize that he was in the room! In my anxious state, I have not even paused to wonder where he is. As always, my main objective is to heal Zane. Lloyd can wait.

"No, not yet." I reply. "What happened to him?"

Lloyd looks shocked, like someone who has just witnessed a horrifying event. He fidgets constantly with the edge of his sweatshirt and his eyes never leave Zane. Though I obviously do not have organs, I feel as if my heart has sunk into my stomach.

Shivering, Lloyd organizes his thoughts. "Well…first I think he might have had sort of a panic attack because we were by Borg's Tower where…"

"The Overlord killed him." I finish.

It took two years for Zane to regain all of his memories, and the Overlord was one of the last memories that he recovered. For months afterward, he refused to go near Borg's Tower and, for some reason, avoided Lloyd as well. But, encouraged by my support and the support of his friends, he got over his fears eventually. At least I thought he did.

"Yeah." Lloyd gulps "So I guess that because he was freaking out he wasn't thinking clearly. He... By the Master…I can't believe how he threatened all those people!"

I look up from the display. "What are you talking about?"

"Zane pretended to be the Ice Emperor again just to scare away some reporters who were interviewing us."

"He did? Are you sure?"

"Uh…yeah…pretty sure. He spouted off some junk about torture and the reporters ran away. Then he passed out. He's totally malfunctioning, no matter what Borg says."

Pressing my lips tightly together, I search for an irregularity in Zane's functions. "I can't find anything wrong with…" Then I discover something.

"Oh Zane." I groan.

"What? What did you find?" Lloyd peeks over my shoulder and tries to decipher the data.

"Lloyd, do you know why us nindroids need sleep?"

"No, honestly I thought that you didn't need it."

"We do. You see, because of our ability to access so much information at once, we process ten times as much information and sensory data each day as a human does. If we encrypted all this data immediately after receiving it, then we would not be able to function as humans. All of our computing power would be devoted to storing data. Do you understand me?"

Lloyd nods. "I think so, but isn't this a little off topic.."

"No, you will see. Anyway, most of the non-essential information that we collect is sorted, processed, and stored when we power down or, in other words, sleep. But when we do not sleep for a sufficient amount of time, our processors begin to break down under the stress of too much data, and we cannot interpret our thoughts and surroundings clearly." I sigh angrily. "Guess how much Zane has slept in the past month?"

"I don't know. How long should he…?"

"Six hours." I cut in. "He has gotten six hours of sleep, which is not nearly enough."

"Wow, I…"

At that moment, Zane's eyes fly open, and he stirs, cracking the ice that covers him. Then he freezes, sharply inhaling.

"Hello Zane. You're awake!" I exclaim happily, and I reach to embrace him.

"Hey! Stop!" He cries, blocking me with his frosty arm. "What…what happened? What are you doing to me?"

"Your processors are overloaded and I have just figured out why!" I say, appalled. "You have not been…wait, what is on your hand?"

His right hand, which he used to block me, is coated in black frost and criss-crossed by shiny blue lines that remind me of human veins.

"Oh...I…uh…" Zane glances at his hand and shudders. "I will tell you later. That's not what's important right now."

"Are you sure?" Lloyd mumbles.

I watch the digital display. "If it's not important, then why are your anxiety levels rising?"

Noticing the read-out, Zane hisses, "You are reading my mind! I have not given you permission to do that!" He clasps both hands behind his head where the wire connects and squeezes his eyes shut.

"Excuse me? I am trying to fix you." I unplug the wire from his chest. "Why are you acting so childish? Are you okay?"

"Yes…yes I'm fine. Is it safe to unplug this?" He holds up the other wire.

"Umm…yes."

"Wonderful." He swiftly tugs the wire from his head and tosses it away as if it is a live serpent. Gasping, he hugs his arms around himself.

"The reporters are gone, Zane." Lloyd scoffs, glaring at Zane from a safe distance.

"That was unnecessary." I fire back.

"I know that they are gone. I'm sorry if I caused a disturbance?" Zane murmurs. He says the statement like a question.

"How much do you remember?" I ask, sitting down next to him on the operating table.

His expression growing more pained, he sighs, "Not much, I admit. I remember feeling…lightheaded and…" He trails off into silence.

"Whatever you felt, it was no excuse for you to scare people like that! I knew that you were not going to hurt those reporters, but they sure didn't know!" Lloyd shouts. "How could you trick them? I thought that you hated lying?"

Zane covers his ears to block out the yelling. "Uh…what I did was wrong and I'm sorry." Something in the way that he says this doesn't sound genuine, as if he either doesn't know what he's apologizing for or doesn't care.

"I sure hope you are!" Says Lloyd, his voice cracking. "You'll be having quite the talk with Master Wu later!"

Casting one last fearful glance behind him, Lloyd hurries out of the room.

Zane visibly relaxes when Lloyd leaves.

I take his hand in mine, the one with the blue markings. I don't miss the slight jerk of his fingers at my touch.

"How did this happen?" I ask.

"It's..some sort of scarring from holding the Scroll of Forbidden Spinjitzu. Nothing to worry about. It does not really hurt or anything."

"Even if it doesn't, you should have told me about it." A sudden thought strikes me. "The rest of us used the Scroll, and we never experienced any scarring like you did. Why didn't we?"

Zane shrugs, looking uncomfortable. "Just my terrible luck, I suppose."

"Wait, is this why you always use your human cloaking now?"

"Yes." He admits reluctantly. "Also, I like being seen as a human being, not a robot."

"You are a nindroid, not a robot."

"A nindroid is a ninja-robot. What's the difference? I'm not human."

"What, do you wish you were human?" I ask, astonished. "Zane, to reject the fact that you are a nindroid is to reject yourself! That is not healthy!" If he were human, then I would be alone.

"I'm more than just a nindroid!" Zane bursts out. "You do not understand! This," he gestures down at his titanium body. "This is a machine; a machine that people can use however they wish. This, on the other hand…" He switches his cloaking on, becoming a pale human boy.

I find myself examining my violet hands. Should I be concerned about how humans view me? Should I download cloaking software for myself like Zane's? Would he and his teammates like me better if I looked human?

But I like Zane better as a nindroid.

"You may look human, but you do not act human." I say coldly.

Zane gapes at me for a moment, and I feel ashamed of my irrational thoughts. "I…I mean, of course not!" He stutters.

"You have not been sleeping. That is why you are having a mental breakdown."

"I am not having a mental breakdown. I'm fine, I promise!" He gives me one of his beautiful smiles, but I am not reassured.

"Then why are you not sleeping?" I snap. I force my voice to soften. "Is it because of Nya?"

He stares at the floor. "...yes. I dream about her every night. I miss her."

"Then why have you not talked to me about her? She was my best friend too!" Oh no. My eyesight is starting to cloud up. I am getting too emotional. "Did you even think to ask me how I was doing?"

Zane does not answer, but keeps his eyes glued to the floor. "I'm sorry, Pixal. I'm sorry that I hurt you." He stands up as if he is about to leave.

"Where are you going? Are we not in the middle of a conversation?" I ask.

"I have things to do. I'm sorry, I still need to find Jay."

"Stop apologizing and look at me!" Why will he not look me in the face? "We have hardly spoken to each other for months! I miss you!"

"So, I need more sleep?" Zane says in a flat voice, completely changing the subject.

"Yes. But please listen to me…I feel as if we do not really know each other anymore. Am I being rational…? I do not know." I twist the end of my ponytail. "What is happening to us?"

"Nothing is happening! I'm over-tired, that's all!" Zane says, laughing nervously. After a pause, he adds, "I missed you too; you have no idea."

"Then tell me what…"

"I have to go. I…I love you." He steps through the door, leaving me alone.

For a long silence I stand gazing after him. I love you too.

Finally, I snap out of my pouting. "That was not a fight." I insist to myself. "I am overreacting. Zane is fine. If he were not, then he would tell me. Why would he lie to me? I have half his heart."

"I don't know, dear." I spin around, and see my father watching me.

"Have you been here this whole time?"

"Well…you never asked me to leave, did you?" He frowns. "Would you like to know why Lloyd is so upset with Zane?"

"It is fairly obvious." I reply, pacing around the room. "Zane pretended to be the Ice Emperor to scare the reporters away. A clever move…but also a cruel one. For him."

"Oh. You should still watch the news when you get home."

In my experience, the news is generally full of nothing but silly gossip and speculation. But I am concerned by both the nervousness of Dr. Borg and the thought of Zane doing anything remotely evil.

I pull up today's broadcasts of all the popular news companies onto my interface. I almost immediately find a story with the headline: Hero or Tyrant? A face off between the Green Ninja and the Master of Ice raises interesting questions about our favorite nindroid.

"They have names." I grumble, wondering what sorts of conspiracy theories have been developed in this news story. Any fool who theorizes that Zane is a villain is wasting their time. I know who he really is.

I press the play button.

Chapter Text

"Hurry, Zane! We're losing him!" Nya calls back to me.

I am with my team, sprinting through a few inches of fluffy snow. A thick, cold mist shrouds my surroundings, and I can barely see Nya running in front of me. I cannot spot the others.

I'm unaware of how I got here or who exactly we are chasing; I struggle simply to keep up with the pack. If the ninja leave me behind, I will surely be lost in the fog.

"Nya, wait up!" No matter how fast I run, I cannot catch up to her. Her form disappears into the fog.

A pathetic cry shatters the eerie silence. It is hoarse and weak, as if coming from someone who is half dead.

"Hello?" I call out to the invisible victim. "Guys, someone's here!"

No answer; they have gone on without me.

I hear a whimper, and spy a hunched figure nearby. The person is bent double, clamping his hands to his side.

"It's okay." I reach out to support the groaning boy. "I'm Zane, a ninja. I can help…"

He looks up at me, and I yelp, stumbling backwards. His face is blotched with ugly black patches of frost burn, and blood streams from his stomach.

I tense up and my entire body begins to shake. I know this boy. He was far too young to fight in my army of blizzard samurai; during his first battle, someone stabbed him right through the stomach. He only survived because I filled the wound with ice, which stopped the bleeding. I guess that after all my ice melted…

He lunges forward, wrapping his arms around my shoulders to steady himself. "You're a ninja? Oh, praise the Creator!" He coughs, spattering blood on my white robe. "You must save me!"

I gag. "I will…I promise." I force out, beginning to hyperventilate. I did this to him. "Help! Someone help! Lloyd! Cole!"

"I'm sorry! Just hold on! I'm so sorry!" My voice glitches.

The samurai's eyes narrow, and suddenly he shrieks, tearing himself from my grasp. "Argh! Help! It's the Emperor!" He points at me in accusation. "The demon who froze me!"

I am holding my scepter in my hand, which I swear was not there a moment ago!

"No, no, no, no…" I smash it on the ground, but it will not break and remains stuck to my hand.

I hear the sound of footsteps approaching, and Lloyd calls. "Zane? What's going on?"

"He's going to kill me!" The boy wails.With my wicked-looking staff and blood spattered gi, I do look like a threat.

"Is this why Master wants us to dismantle you?" Jay squeaks.

"He…what?"

Lloyd glances between the dying samurai and me, and sighs. "I'm sorry, Zane." He nods to the rest of my friends.

They crowd around me, leaving no way to escape.

"What are you doing? My brothers, don't you know me? I'm just Zane! This was an accident! I'm not evil!"

"Too late for that." Says Cole. He grabs my arm and yanks it back, and I scream as my elbow cracks. For the next few minutes, my arm is in agony. Cole keeps twisting and soon he lifts my severed arm, still holding the staff, above his head like a trophy. My teammates clap and cheer.

(Maybe losing my arm hurts, but at least I lost that corrupting staff as well.)

"Stop it Cole! You're hurting me! I'm good, I swear!" He shows no emotion, unbothered by my crying.

"Why are you going for his limbs? That's not how you kill a nindroid!" Teases Nya. "I can't drown him, of course! He's a survivor! But he's not all ice and hard metal; he has a weak spot! We have to attack his power source."

Laughing, she shoves her hand down the neck of my shirt and digs her fingers under the plate of titanium that covers my heart. Shuddering, I shove her away with my one good arm before she can pry the plate off.

This makes my attackers more angry, and so they all descend on me at once.

I cannot fend them off. All I can do is sob and plead for mercy. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I shout those words over and over again as my family tears my body apart, but they mean nothing. Slowly, I fade away into a confusion of pain and darkness.

"Zane? Zane!" Someone yells my name. I am laying in a bed, but the dark is still here, and my body feels sore. The ninja are gone…no, wait. Cole sits on the edge of my bed, leaning over me. A horrified expression is on his face.

I scream and raise my arms, ready to defend myself…I am no longer missing an arm!

Oh…it was a dream; I should have known.

"Zane, it's alright. No one's gonna hurt you." Says Cole in a wobbly voice.

He is getting too close to me, and phantom pain throbs through my arm where Cole shattered it. A moan climbs up into my throat, but I choke it down. No, I must keep it together so that Cole does not worry.

"Yes, my lord, you are as cold and fragile as a snowflake.You cannot show weakness."

I know! Of all the times to hear your whisper in my ear…

I sit up, hugging the blankets around myself. Disoriented, I lock the voice and the agonizing images from my nightmare out of my head. I try to make sense of the present.

Ugh. Not only is Cole in my room, Kai and Lloyd are here too. Their eyes bore into me, filled with questions that I do not want to answer.

"What are you doing here?" I rasp.

"Oh I don't know," Says Kai sarcastically. "Maybe we heard you screaming your freaking head off and came to see if you were okay?"

"You even woke Cole up, and he sleeps like a literal rock." Lloyd adds.

I feel humiliated; I screamed like a baby and awakened everyone! "I am fine. I had a nightmare, that is all."

"Really? You don't look fine! I've never heard you scream like that! 'I'm sorry' over and over…Are you malfunctioning again?" Asks Kai.

"Stop. Give him space." Says Cole.

"I am sorry that I disturbed you. I'm fine." I repeat.

"Yeah, sure you are." Kai rolls his eyes. First Master, I'm sick of this. Whatever, I'm going back to bed." He storms out.

"It's hard for him to see you like this, it's easier for him to just leave you."

"Kai's only mad because he's worried. Don't take it personally." Says Lloyd awkwardly. "So…uh…what's been going on with you lately? You've been a wreck since Nya left, and you haven't been the same since the Never Realm."

An alarm goes off in my mind. He knows!

The innocent, bleeding boy from my dream pops into my head; Lloyd could have been that boy! Unable to look at him, I hide my face in the blanket.

"That's it, I'm getting Master Wu." Says Lloyd.

"He won't come." I mumble, my voice muffled. After the incident with the reporters (I still cannot remember exactly what I did that day), Lloyd pleaded with Wu to come out of his library and speak to me. He refused, insisting that Lloyd was overreacting and that I could take care of myself…which I can.

Thanks Master Wu.

"Yes, he will." Snaps Lloyd.

"Maybe get Pixal too." Says Cole, wrapping one arm around my shoulders. It takes all my willpower not to shove him away. Silly…he has no reason to hurt me.

"But he will, if he finds out about…"

A small moan escapes. I cannot suppress everything.

"Shut up! They can hear you!"

Lloyd hurries away, leaving me alone with Cole.

After a moment, he breaks the uncomfortable silence. "Did you want to talk about anything?"

"No." I say too quickly.

"Oh." Cole looks hurt. His head is bowed; he feels sorry for me. "We all just want to help you, you know. Everyone can see that you're hurting."

"I miss Nya." The reply comes to me automatically. Since when have I been so good at lying?

"Well, you learned from the best."

"It's not a lie. I do miss her."

"Never said it was." Answers Cole. Did I say that out loud?

"I…guess I'll be going then." He stands up.

"As always, you're left with no one but me."

"No, don't leave!" I grab his arm. I dread being left alone with only evil voices and bloody memories for company.

"Okay, okay. I'll stay." Cole gently pulls his arm out of my grip.

"Look at you! You are such a burden to him! When you lose yourself again, all he will want to do is hurt you, break you, tear you…"

"Start talking." I whimper, curling myself into a tight ball.

"What? Are you…"

"Say something happy! I don't care what."

"Uh…" Cole shrugs in a helpless gesture, unnerved by my out-of-character instability. "Do you remember the time we disguised as bikers to infiltrate the Sons of Garmadon, and you made me sing that stupid song?"

"Yes." A tiny, nostalgic smile comes to my face at the foolish memory. I don't know why I made Cole sing; I should have planned another way for him to get captured by the SOG. But then again, his singing and dancing were quite amusing.

"You lied to him and embarrassed him and made him look ridiculous! What a terrible friend!"

Cole chuckles weakly. "You think that you had it rough joining that crazy motorcycle race and getting tossed off a cliff? I had to smuggle baby Master Wu out of the gang's lair and give him a diaper change!"

His eyes widen in horror. "Holy crap. I've changed Master's…nope. Not gonna think about that anymore! So anyways, after I knocked out Ultraviolet, I realized that I had no clue how to get out of the subway…"

I close my eyes and focus on his words. He tells of how he wandered for hours through the train tunnels. After he found his way out, he got lost in the city and then almost lost baby Wu in a crowded street. When he finishes that story, he begins another about his first childhood dance recital. The stories he tells are absurd but they help to drive the darkness from my head. I even catch myself laughing a couple times.

Cole yawns occasionally as the hours go by, and his eyelids droop, but, despite his sleepiness, he stays with me until morning.

"He is only staying because you might be angry if he leaves."

I know. You do not need to remind me.

I don't want to disturb my friends every time I awaken from a bad dream, and I definitely don't want them to bother about my mental state when they should be looking for Nya. Also, in their eyes I am as innocent as an angel. What will the ninja do if they find out what my dreams are about? Will they kick me off the team after discovering the horrible things I have done?

The next night, as well as the following nights, I shut off my voice before I fall asleep. Now, no one hears me scream when I awake from nightmares.

It's a good thing that I did, because, over the next few weeks, the nightmares get worse. The mechanic laughs hysterically as he rips out my wires. I watch, helpless, as my father is eaten by my titanium dragon. That snarling wolf girl Akita chases me through a maze-like forest. I battle the Overlord, dying over and over in an endless loop.

When daylight comes, the nightmare only continues. Vex never stops his whispering, and at times, when I glance at one of my teammates, I see his smirking face. All day I sense him watching me.

I can barely force myself to complete any tasks, and spend hours staring at one page of a book I'm attempting to read. I'm constantly distracted by memories, and sometimes I lose track of where I am or what is happening.

The others are unaware of my odd behavior; well, almost unaware. Pixal asks me daily how I am feeling. I tell her that I sleep a healthy amount every night and feel wonderful, but I'm not sure if she believes me. Lloyd and Master Wu are avoiding me; I don't know if they are scared of me or embarrassed by me or if I simply make them feel uncomfortable. Kai and Cole are strangely friendly with me, always asking me to play video games with them.

I go through the motions, but do not really enjoy their company. They treat me like a human. I am not human, I am a broken machine. They hardly even know me.

One day, I stand outside someone's bedroom door, staring at it dumbly. Why did I walk over here again? And what was I thinking about just now? My thoughts are so fuzzy; I don't remember. Crap, I really am going insane.

With a thunk, the heavy teapot I was holding falls to the floor. I pick it up before it can tip over and spill. Why was I holding a teapot?

"We have discussed this already." Master Wu says behind the door; this is his room. I am bringing a pot of tea to Master Wu. Yes, that's it.

I'm about to push open the door, but stop when I hear Lloyd speaking. "Yeah, but I'm still worried. Zane acts more depressed every day and nothing the other guys do seems to help him."

Cold foreboding grips me at his words, but behind the fear burns a tiny spark of joy. Lloyd still cares about me after everything that has happened!

"He shouldn't."

"From what I have seen, Zane has incredible control over his emotions." Preaches Wu."If he is depressed, it is because he is choosing to live in that state of mind."

"Are you sure? You hardly even see him anymore." Lloyd argues. "Master…I don't think the Ice Emperor ever left."

Nevermind. There is no spark, only fear.

"Do not say things like that." Master Wu gasps, furious.

"But I'm right, aren't I? What if Zane is still corrupted from all those decades as the Emperor? That's why he's so…dark now."

A pause. "Decades? How many?" My Master whispers.

"No idea. Zane hasn't told me."

I am tempted to throw the teapot against the wall. Has Master Wu lost all faith in me? Now I know why Wu doesn't talk to me! He believes that I'm irredeemably corrupted! Surely he had convinced Lloyd that I'm evil too!

"You are evil."

No I am not! I was built to protect those who cannot…

"But how do you protect them from you? You do it by keeping your identity crises to yourself."

And I can. Let me prove it to you.

I throw open the door, startling Lloyd and Master Wu, who stare at me with mixed expressions of fear and pity.

I bring a fake smile to my face. "Hello, Master Wu. I brought you some tea."

"Thank you." Says Wu flatly, taking the teapot. He focuses his eyes on a point above my head and avoids looking into my face.

"Lloyd, I've been wanting to speak to you. I am ready to rescue Nya." I say confidently.

"What? I thought we had decided that plan wouldn't work."

"Perhaps that is what you decided, but I…"

"No, no. I still want to try it. But we don't have any way to take Nya's powers, remember?"

"I can keep her frozen for as long as we need."

"Are you sure that you're up to that?"

My sweet smile flickers. "Why would I not be?"

"Zane, go get the others. We must have a team meeting." Says my Master.

Our plan is underway the very next day. Overnight, Pixal gave our sub-speeders a tuneup, so that we can use them to travel the seas in search of Nya.

According to plan, we split up; Lloyd searches along the coast, Kai searches in the northern part of the ocean, and Cole searches in the south. I park my sub-speeder at a median point between them. Once one of them spots Nya, they will call me, and I will rush over at maximum velocity to freeze her before she swims away.

It's not an infallible plan, but at least my participation may convince Lloyd that I am not a villain.

My sub hovers between the ocean's surface and the floor. As I wait for a call from the ninja, I watch schools of rainbow-colored fish dart by. They do not seem afraid of me at all, and pass so close to the sub-speeder that I could reach out and pet one.

I have always felt peaceful underwater; a long time ago I used to meditate in icy ponds to gather my thoughts. Sitting here silently, watching the fish, I am calmer than I have been for months.

My calm is shaken by a dissident buzzing from my communicator. "Zane! Bzzzzzz…Zane, I found her!" It's Kai.

In a frenzy, I pinpoint his coordinates and, revving my subs engine, speed north towards him. I accelerate hazardously fast, the speedometer reading 150…172…180 miles per hour. I must reach Nya before she swims away and we lose her forever. Kai is counting on me to bring back his sister.

"I am on my way."

"Okay, keep tracking my location. She's on the move, but I'm following her."

Obeying his instructions, I reach Kai 6.17 minutes later. But, though I sight his red sub idling about a hundred yards away, I cannot see Nya anywhere.

I am about to radio Kai to ask where she is when a brilliant blue light fills my cockpit. A huge, glowing shape swims in front of me and stops, facing Kai's sub-speeder. It is a beautiful dragon made of water, Nya.

She does not notice me, but gazes solemnly at Kai as if she almost recognizes him.

"Any day now, Zane!" Kai cries anxiously.

I can do this. I take a deep breath to center myself (even though I don't need it.) I imagine ice forming over the dragon's scales and sinking inward: freezing her head and wings and limbs and, finally, her heart…

A roar echoes through the water, breaking my focus. My ice barely touched Nya, but even the bit of frost on her skin hurts her. I hurt Nya, my sister! When will I learn, my power only hurts people!

Nya meets my eyes and cocks her head to the side. Who are you?

I wish I knew.

"Nya…" I plead. "I do not wish to harm you. I have…things I need to tell you. Please come back."

She stares at me for a moment longer, but she doesn't remember me, not really. The pull of her element overcomes her whole being and draws her back to the heart of the ocean. I know how that feels.

"Wait! Nya! No, do not…" In a flurry of bubbles, she swims away without a backwards glance.

Kai and I stare, stunned, after her. Reluctantly, I call Kai to give him one of my worthless apologies. "I'm sorry. I…"

"Don't apologize." He says flatly. "You did all you could. It just wasn't enough."

I cannot imagine how hurt and disappointed Kai must feel right now. We were so close to rescuing his sister, but I screwed it up! The worst part about this is that Nya didn't even recognize him, forsaking him all over again.

Kai messages Lloyd and Cole with the bitter news of our failure, and then we head back to the monastery.

No one says a word as we shuffle sadly into the training yard. Kai does not look at me but glares at the ground. I know he is desperately trying not to blame me for losing Nya.

Pixal runs out to meet us, a joyful light twinkling in her eyes, but her face falls when she sees our expressions.

"Shall I tell Master Wu the news?" She asks wearily.

"Yeah. Go." Orders Lloyd. She leaves.

I feel a prick of annoyance at his bossyness toward Pixal. "All things considered, I believe that our mission went quite well." I say to encourage my brothers (and myself.) "Though we did not capture Nya, at least we located…"

"No. We failed. Nya doesn't belong with us anymore." Kai snaps.

"Kai, she's under the influence of her power. She may not know what's good for her!" Says Lloyd, exasperated.

"Are you calling my sister stupid? She chose to merge with the ocean! She wouldn't have had to do that if we'd made an actual plan to stop Wojira!"

"So you're blaming me?"

"You two cool down." Says Cole, stepping between them.

Kai's so mad! Now he's going to leave, just like Jay!

"Friends, this is a hard time for us all, but we must learn to control our anger." I say calmly.

Lloyd whips around. "Oh, and you have been amazing at controlling your emotions lately!" He steps closer to me, threatening. "Don't lecture me about how I should have persuaded Nya to stay!"

"I never said anything about…"

"You're supposed to be our genius! How come you didn't think to freeze Nya right after she turned into the ocean?"

A sick feeling fills my stomach. I hate arguing with my teammates.

"You're not thinking rationally! How could I…"

"I'm sorry, Zane, but not all of us are perfect nindroids like you!"

"He sees that you are above him."

I glance at Kai and Cole. Will they defend me? Kai glares at both Lloyd and I, so I cannot tell what side he is on. Cole stands stone-faced, waiting to see if he will need to step between us.

"Excuse me, I am not perfect." I say angrily. "Nor am I the leader of the team! You should have thought to freeze Nya! It is the leader's job to make the plans!"

"How dare you blame me! Master Wu and I have been working ourselves thin trying to find Nya and hold the team together! What have you been doing the past few weeks? Moping around and brooding about how evil you are!"

Did he just call me evil? "I'm sorry! I tried to freeze her but I could not…"

"No. You had all the ability to freeze her! I saw you freeze hundreds of people in the Never Realm, don't say that you can't even freeze one dragon!"

I feel frost creep up my neck. The dark images from my living nightmare materialize in my mind despite being so carefully hidden. "You did not just say that!"

"Yeah, I did!" He roughly jabs at me with his finger. "I'm gonna be honest with you for once; you have been acting like a coward and you make everyone around you feel awful! You need to get over your horrible trauma or whatever and get on with your life! The rest of us have!"

Each word that he says stabs at me like an icicle. I have to get out of here; I'm losing my grip on my emotions. Any second I will lash out at Lloyd or break down and cry.

Cole looks nervous. "Dude, stop it guys…"

I ignore him, my fear giving way to icy rage. "You hypocrite!" I grab Lloyd by the shoulders. "Think…think for a second about what you are saying!" I shove him away from me and lower my voice. "I spent 60 years in hell, Lloyd! If you had seen what I have seen, or done what I have done, your mind would be broken!"

Lloyd goes white; with fear or anger, I cannot tell. "Zane I…"

I let out a high pitched laugh that scares me. "I have to live with memories of murder, torture, betrayal…what do you have to live with? Poor Lloyd…his mom and dad neglected him for so long and his girlfriend tried to kill him! Well, my dad erased my memories and then died, and I was never gifted with a mom so…"

"Don't insult my parents! And don't you dare mention Harumi! " Lloyd screams, lighting up his hands in green light. "You don't know what it's like; to live your entire life held captive by an invisible, inescapable destiny! To think that, somehow, you deserve all the pain you suffer because it's apparently destiny's will!"

FSM, he actually tears up! Why do I not feel guilty? I only experience a bitter triumph as I watch him weaken.

"Yes, this is when you are powerful!"

"Alright, that's enough!" Kai shouts, moving to pull me back. Before he can touch me, his legs freeze in a chunk of ice and he trips. I do not remember deciding to freeze him. He gawks at me; this is an act of betrayal.

"We are not finished." I hiss. The dam is broken. I cannot withstand the wave of emotions that drowns me.

"Unfreeze him right now! Zane, I'm warning you…" Screams Lloyd, going even paler.

"Warning me about what? Are you shocked? You thought I was good, didn't you! Now that you see I'm not..." I summon a flurry of snow, and Lloyd begins to shiver."What are you going to do? Kick me out of the monastery? Sell my body to the Mechanic for scrap?"

"Uh…you're kind of asking for it!"

I did not expect that answer. "Lier, I don't believe you! You could never get rid of me! You need me, Lloyd, right? Right? " I scream. "You are just a little kid in a teenager's body! You couldn't defeat the Overlord! I had to die to finish the job! You failed to rescue Lord Garmadon and Harumi, to turn them good! You failed to rescue me from…" I hold up my black frost-covered arm.

"Stop shifting the blame back to me! You are an ungrateful coward, Zane! I almost died to save you! You're lucky I didn't just let king Grimfax execute you like he wanted to! Don't show off your scars; you deserve them! You…" His voice trails off as his trembling grows more violent.

"You're right. I did things you cannot imagine." Numbness floods through my head, and my surroundings fade out of focus.

"Wh... what did you…" He looks down at his hands, which are turning blue. "Hey, stop it! That hurts!"

On the word hurts, he fires a blast of green energy towards me. It slams me against the wall of the training yard with an echoing clang. Several alerts pop up on my interface and a burning pain electrifies my chest and frost-damaged arm.

Oh no no no…what have I done? Dear Master, I hurt Lloyd…I have hurt him with my ice and my cruel words!

"This is who you are."

This is who I am…Master Wu is going to kill me!

I limp over to Lloyd, who lays crumpled on the ground. He is unconscious, his skin clammy and his breath coming in ragged gasps.

I am killing him, just like the boy in my nightmare! Was that nightmare not a dream, but a vision? "Lloyd?" I shake him. No response. "Lloyd! Wake up! Wake up, please! Lloyd!"

"FSM, what did you do to him?" Kai, who has finally melted himself out of my ice, crouches by Lloyd's side.

"I…he's freezing…I need to…" I squeeze his wrist to check for a pulse.

"He has hypothermia and frostbite! Stop touching him, you're making it worse!" He lights his hand on fire.

"No wait…" I don't know what exactly I am trying to do. Please be okay."I can fix this…"

"No, you can't."

"Come on, Zane." Cole cautiously yanks me to my feet, grunting because my icy skin burns his hands.

"Stop…I can help!" He only tightens his grip, pulling me away from Lloyd. I cannot escape, and I'm stifled by a sense of claustrophobia. My vision tunnels. Where is he taking me?

"Let me go! Let me go!" I kick and punch in a desperate attempt to escape, but his grip remains steady. He half leads, half carries me to my room, paying no heed to my repeated cries. He practically throws me into the room and then slams the door, locking it.

I lay sprawled out, motionless, where he tossed me. No thoughts in particular run through my head; they are all jumbled together in a sea of hopeless guilt and pain. Is this what dying feels like? No, I have died before. It hurt, but I felt a strange sort of joy, getting to die for my friends. My pain had a purpose. I was a hero, I was good.

Now, I'm destroying myself and everyone around me. There is no escape from the nightmare because I am my own nightmare. I am no hero; I am a villain who is certainly awaiting damnation for harming the sacred Green Ninja.

Chapter Text

 There must be something I can do to fix this. 

 But no, I'm hiding in a broom closet, stuffing my face with chocolate cake. Don't judge me okay; I always eat when I'm stressed out.

 Sitting here in the dark with only cake for company, I can pretend that my two gentlest brothers didn't just try to kill each other. Except that the numbness in my hands and the aching bruises all over my body tell the truth. It hurt to touch Zane's skin when I dragged him away from Lloyd, and my hands are still cold and tingly. 

 I feel nauseous as I remember how Zane screamed for help while I held him, like I was a horrible monster or something. His panicked punches and kicks left bruises all over my body. He didn't care; he was desperate to escape. 

 Then I think of Lloyd, lying pale and cold on the ground. Kai says that he will be fine, but I don't know. Zane froze Lloyd so badly that his face turned blue. 

 I shove another huge bite of cake into my mouth. Maybe once I'm full of cake, there will be no room left for ugly memories and depressing thoughts. A bad coping mechanism, I know, but here I am.

 I should probably be checking on Lloyd or Zane right now, but how? I don't know much about hypothermia or how to treat it, so what can I do to help Lloyd? I would probably only annoy him. Zane's problems just seem so…big, like, I don't even know where to begin to help him. Can we even relate to each other anymore? Sixty years…I can't even imagine…

 So why try? Why not sit in the dark instead, gorging myself on cake like the fat dummy I am? 

  That sounds like giving up. Ugh.

 "Cole? Cole! Where are you?" Kai stomps around the house, yelling.

 I cram the last bite of cake in my mouth and scramble out of the closet. I straighten and try to look casual, which is hard because I'm trying to swallow so much cake.

 Kai sees me and does a double-take. "Did you just climb out of the broom closet?" He eyes the dust and cake crumbs on my clothes suspiciously. 

 "Mmmmhuh?" I gulp down the cake. "Why would I be in there?" I laugh nervously.

 "You've got crumbs all over your…nevermind." He can see right through me. I've always been a crummy liar.

  Kai checks his phone and curses. "Aw crap! I have to be at the new dojo in five minutes!"

 "What…dojo? Did you take that teaching job?" I ask, irritated that he ignored Master Wu's and my advice that he shouldn't accept it. 

 "I'll explain later! Lloyd should be waking up soon. I want you to keep an eye on him!"

 "What should I do when he wakes up? Why are you…"

 "Ahhh no time! See you later! Bye!" He dashes away. 

 Boy, he must take his new job seriously, more seriously than being a ninja! I'm frustrated with him; how could he leave all in a rush when his brothers are having a crisis?

 Grumbling, I head to Lloyd's room. On the way, I pass by the bathroom.

  I stop mid-stride. From inside the bathroom comes the sound of soft sobbing. A girl's sobbing. 

 I give the door a tap. "Pixal, can I come in?"

 "Oh. Yes. Sorry." She says curtly, opening the door. 

 She holds her chin high, no trace of tears on her face. But she leans unsteadily against the open door, her body reflecting a deep sadness that makes my heart ache.

 "What do you need?" She asks coldly. 

 Should I ignore her emotional outburst, or ask her if she's okay? Both she and Nya hate showing emotional weakness. If I act like she's weak she might blow up at me.

 I take the risk. "Um…I heard you."

 A weird look comes to Pixal's face, so I elaborate. "You were crying."

 She frowns, her whole face crinkling up. "Yes? And?"

 "I…heh…Just ask if you need help with anything. I'm willing to…"

 "Oh really, Cole? Do you think you can help me? If you wish to help me, help Zane! Name one thing we can do to help him!" Water leaks from her eyes, and she hates it. 

 "We could…he's not…what if I…" I stammer, floundering for a comforting reply.

 "Exactly." She snarls. "We missed our chance, there's nothing we can do!"

 "Well, ninja never quit." A cliche, I know, but it's the best I've got and it's from the heart. 

 "I am not a ninja. And apparently neither is Zane. Why in Ninjago did you not tell me that he remembered it!"

 "What?"

 "The Never Realm! The Ice Emperor! Zane told me that he could hardly remember his time away from Ninjago!" Pixal's voice quickly shifts from sad to angry to furious. 

 I take a step back. "Calm down…"

 She doesn't listen. "He lied to my face about so many things! Lied to me, the girl whom he trusted to live inside his head!" She stops yelling and buries her hands in her hair. "What is wrong with me? How could I not notice that he was having so much trouble?"

 I knew from the moment that we returned from the Never Realm that something was terribly wrong with Zane. I tried to talk to him about it a thousand times, but he always shrugged me off and changed the subject. I thought that it was best to just let the whole subject go, and I had no idea that Zane's mental health would end up going completely sideways.

  "Don't beat yourself up, Pixal. You might know Zane really well, but you're not a mind reader. Zane should have told you what was going on." Hopefully, my words are a comfort to her. 

 Pixal sobs. "But…"

 A crashing thud echoes behind me, followed by a string of gasped swear words. I spin around.

 Lloyd struggles to pick himself up off the hallway floor. He flails his arms around weakly, searching for something to grab in order to pull himself up. 

 I run over to him and help him to his feet. He leans against me, shaking.

 "Whoah, what's wrong?" I ask, concerned. His face is as white as a sheet.

 "Nothing, I'm fine…I'm fine." He says through clenched teeth. 

 "Really? I've never heard you swear like that!"

 Right now, Lloyd looks more like the little kid from Darkley's School than our wise leader. He swears like a Darkley's boy too! I keep forgetting that Lloyd's still a kid on the inside. 

 He gives in, and lets me fully support him. "Oww…that frozen jerk almost burnt my arms and legs off! Do we have any painkillers?" 

 "Burnt your arms off! Jeez, Lloyd!"

 "Shut up and get me a painkiller!" He snaps. 

 Lloyd's only this rude when he's really in pain. I take one of his hands and examine it, causing Lloyd to hiss with pain. A couple blisters dot his pale, clammy skin. I take it that's not a good sign?

 "Pixal, could you see if we have any Tylenol?" She nods but watches Lloyd coldly. 

 "Let's just sit you down, you need to rest." I say, letting Lloyd slide to the floor. He sits with his back against the wall, shivering. "I guess we should take you to the doctor."

 "N…no!" Says Lloyd. "I think I read somewhere that, when your skin gets frozen, it hurts when it warms up. I'll be fine, I just need to hang in there until the pain goes away."

 "We're out of painkillers." Says Pixal, glowering. "Lloyd, we need to talk."

 He glances at her wearily. "Why? What's there for me to say?"

 "Well, you could apologize for what you did to Zane!" She says angrily.

 Lloyd scoffs. "What? He was the one who froze me and made fun of my family! Of course I was forced to defend myself!"

 "But why did he do that?" Pixal yells. "Because you brought up the Ice Emperor!"

 "Oh yeah. The one problem no one can look in the face."

 Pixal groans. "I cannot live in this ignorance anymore! What happened in the Never Realm?"

 "Zane murdered people, that's what happened!" Lloyd explodes. "I saw it. Your perfect, angelic boyfriend…his hands are bloodstained. Who knew, huh?"

 Pixal stares at him in disbelief, her face twisted with shock and disgust. She draws her hand back as if she's about to slap him, but then lowers it.

 "Oh Master…" She covers her mouth with one hand and hurries away.  

 Lloyd rubs his eyes with his still-shaking hands. "Poor Pixal! What am I saying?"

 "Uh…not very nice things. But you're in pain. I'm sure Pixal understands…" I choose to believe the best about Lloyd and Zane. They're both hurting; we're all hurting. Pain makes us do stupid things. "Master Wu might have some tea that helps with pain. I'll go ask…"

 "I don't need it. I'm fine." He retorts. Anger and pain lace his voice, and something else, guilt. 

 "Did I hear my name?" Master Wu strides down the hallway toward us. "What's going on here?"

 Lloyd struggles to stand up. Master Wu does not allow weakness. "Nothing, Master." 

 I give Lloyd a look. "I was looking for some painkillers for Lloyd and then we talked to Pixal about Zane." I say honestly. 

 "Ah, yes." Says Wu, stroking his beard. "Lloyd, you and he have a lot to say to each other, don't you?"

 "I don't really want to speak to him right now, Master." Lloyd huffs. 

 "Kai told me about the fight." Wu says seriously. "He told me that you felt guilty about letting Nya go, and that you took out your anger and guilt on Zane, your brother."

 "Something like that." Grumbles Lloyd. 

 "Master," I say, "Can't we talk later? Lloyd's still recovering from …"

 "We cannot put off until tomorrow what can be done today." Says Master Wu.

 Lloyd sighs. "Okay…I know I shouldn't have said all those things to Zane. And…yes, I feel guilty about Nya. If I had been a better leader for the team, she never would have needed to become the ocean in the first place!"

 "We all feel guilty." I say quietly. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

 Master Wu frowns. "You need not feel guilty, Lloyd. It was Zane's job to freeze and rescue Nya. If we really must blame someone…he is to blame."

 "He couldn't freeze her because he was scared of his power!" I interrupt. "Master Wu, we seriously need to deal with this Ice Emperor thing. Zane's not…"

 Master's expression becomes closed off. "We are not talking about Zane. I already know which parts of this issue are my fault."

 "But you just were talking about him!"

 "Enough, Cole!"

 Shoot, now Master is mad at me. Usually I'm fine at keeping my mouth shut!

 Master speaks to Lloyd again. "I think that we should address the root of your rash actions. They were caused by your disordered emotions."

 "But Master!" Exclaims Lloyd, surprised. "How can I change what I feel?"

 "Emotions aren't bad…" I mumble too quietly for them to hear.

 "You must focus your mind and…"

 "I've tried that!"

 "Look!" Scolds Wu. "Even now you are losing control of your emotions! Focus! You are the leader of your team!" 

 "I CAN'T!" Lloyd screams. Silence. Lloyd rubs his arms and winces. From somewhere in the house comes the sound of running footsteps and the front door slamming. 

 "Ah, Zane has been listening in on our little conversation." Says Master Wu sourly. "I need to speak with him as well. Get some rest Lloyd."

 "I'm sorry, Master, I…"

 "I said go get some rest." He snaps. 

 Lloyd slumps away like a kicked dog.

 I blink, trying to wrap my head around what just happened. Master's tirade against emotions seems a bit bizarre to me, but I assume that he knows better than I do against this mental stuff. Who am I to contradict him?

 "Um…I'll go get Zane." I walk backwards toward the door, eager for any excuse to get away from my Master. 

 "Yes. Go."

 I make my escape, dashing out into the training yard, where my brother probably went. 

 "Ouch!" A sharp pain jabs the bottom of my foot. Shards of glittering, broken glass cover the packed dirt floor of the training yard. What the heck? I check my foot for glass, but find nothing. This isn't glass, it's ice. The splinter in my foot has melted already. 

 What has Zane been up to? 

 "Zane? Where are you? It's Cole." 

 "Stay back." Zane's metallic voice calls from the roof behind me. 

 He sits dangerously near the roof's edge, and holds a big lump of ice in his left. His usually perfect posture is slumped. He stares at me with a dead, dispassionate expression on his face. 

 "Oh, there you are! I've been worried about you!" I step closer to him, about to climb up onto the roof. 

 Zane laughs ironically, shaking his head. "Must you violate my will as everyone else has? I told you to stay back."

 He flings the ice chunk across the training yard. It sails over my head, smashing against the opposite wall into a billion pieces. That explains where all the shards of ice came from.

 My heart sinks. "Zane, I'm so sorry that I had to force you away from Lloyd, but there was nothing you could do for him."

 He stands up. "That's fine. Whatever." Zane says quickly. 

 "Really? Thanks…"

 "Shut up!" Zane cries. "No, I mean…Cole will not harm me?" He ends the statement like a question, examining me fearfully.

 "Uh…I will never hurt you, I swear." His disjointed speech is hard to follow. 

 "Of course, you're a hero." Zane says with an effort. He jumps down from the roof, yelping when he lands. He grabs at one of his shoulders, and his face contorts in pain. His right shoulder sits lower than the other, and his arm is bent. I spot a large dent on his chest, visible even under his sweater.

 It hurts me so much to see him suffer. All I want to do is pull him into a hug and tell him how good he is until he believes it himself. 

 "You need repairs." I say. 

 "Cole, do not bother." Zane gasps. "I will soon be broken again, Cole."

 He won't stop repeating my name as he talks, and he stares at me with a freaky intensity. It's all a cry for help. 

 "Don't say that! Come on, you Tin Can! Master Wu wants to talk to you." I gently grasp his cold arm and lead him into the monastery, careful not to step on any ice.

 Zane shudders when I touch him. "Why, Cole? Is it judgment day already?" 

 "What…"

 "No, not quite." Says Master Wu from the doorway. 

 Pulling his arm out of my grasp, Zane takes a few steps back. He watches Master Wu warily, as if he is an enemy about to attack. 

 "So, Zane, what have you been doing out here?" Master asks as he steps outside. 

 Zane doesn't reply, but stares at the floor with his fists clenched. 

 "Why won't you answer me?" Wu whispers. 

 "Do I cause you more pain by speaking or staying silent?" Zane says weakly. 

 Master Wu scowls. "You cause me pain by your destructive behavior!" He gestures at the wreckage of shattered ice around us. "You are not a fool. You know that you are damaging your teammates and yourself!"

 "I'm sorry." Zane meets Master's eyes. "I damaged you first."

 They stare at each other for a moment, and a silent message passes between them. Master Wu looks away. 

 "You could not freeze Nya because you were afraid of your powers." He says, suddenly changing the subject. "Then, you attacked Lloyd because you felt guilty for those feelings."

 "He reminded me of how wicked I am…"

 "You are not evil!" Master explodes. Zane and I stand open-mouthed, appalled that he's yelling at us. Instinctively, I move closer to Zane, ready to protect him. Which doesn't make sense, Wu's not going to actually hurt him. 

"Stop saying that!" Master Wu continues. "Never say that again! I cannot allow you to even think that you are a villain!"

 "I am a villain! Look at me!" Zane screams back. Now it's Master's turn to look shocked. Zane gestures to himself. "I'm a bad guy! A demon! A tyrant! I almost killed Lloyd; I did kill hundreds of other people!"

 "No you did not! That wasn't you!" 

 "But it was! I can still hear the revolutionaries whom I tortured shrieking in my…"

 "Stop!" Wu screams. His eyes are full of the same guilt as Zane's. 

 "Master…" I begin.

 "Stay out of this, Cole." 

 "I'm so sorry, I said too much, didn't I?" Says Zane. "I'm hurting you, I'm sorry."

 "Zane, you can say whatever you need." I interrupt. 

 "I said stay out of this!" Wu snaps.

  He looks Zane over, taking in his twisted, frosty arm and heartbroken expression. "You should not have sacrificed yourself for me." He says. 

 Zane bows his head. "If only I had actually died."

 "Wait, what? We're glad you're not dead!" I exclaim. Is there anything I can do to convince him that this is true? 

 Before my brother can reply, Lloyd hurries by us, carrying a backpack slung over his shoulder. He keeps his determined gaze fixed on the monastery gate and ignores us. 

 I'm glad to see that he's walking, he must feel better.

 "Where are you going?" Master Wu says sternly. 

 Lloyd turns to face him, smiling sadly. "Well…I think I'm gonna leave for a while."

 "What?"

 Lloyds holds up his hands apologetically. "Please don't take it personally. I've thought about what you said, Master." His smile falters. "Let's face it, I'm just a kid who doesn't know what he's doing. I'm definitely not emotionally mature enough to lead the team." 

 "I said that you had trouble with your emotions, but I never said that you were a bad leader!" Wu shouts, his eyes widening. 

 "You didn't need to tell me; I figured it out all on my own. I mean…just ask Zane!" 

 I can't believe this is happening. "You can't just leave! We're brothers! We stick together!"

 Lloyd bites his lip, barely holding tears back. "I think we stopped being siblings when Nya left."

 "I'm sorry about our fight! I'm sorry for hurting you! It was all my fault! Everything you said was true! " Zane says frantically. "Please don't leave! You don't have to be afraid of me!"

 Shaking his head, Lloyd backs closer to the gate. "I'm not scared of you, and even if the things I said were true, I shouldn't have said them. I'm sorry. Don't blame yourself for this; it"s my decision. I hope you find some help, Zane."

 "Lloyd, I order you to stay!" Says Master Wu harshly. "Listen to your master!"

 "Sorry." Lloyd mumbles. "Goodbye guys."

 He turns and runs through the gate and down the mountain's narrow steps. We all call after him at once:

 "Lloyd! Wait! Stop!"

 "I'm sorry!"

 "Come back! Now!"

 He doesn't respond or even look back. 

 "FSM, he just…" I stutter. 

 Zane laughs, but it sounds more like a sob. "Look at that! Look, Master! I even scared the chosen one away!" He storms off, muttering under his breath. I catch the words "...must be destroyed."

 Master Wu sits on the edge of the porch, his face in his hands and his shoulders shaking. Is he crying? 

 "It will be okay." I say stupidly. I sit next to my Master as he cries. I hope that he's comforted by my presence and that it makes him feel like his emotions are valid. 

 This is the only thing I can do for him.