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“Shit!” Sam muttered, bolting out of his bed. He’d missed his alarm, and now he was late. Not that he knew for sure it would happen in the morning, but he really hoped it would.
Today was his girlfriend Penny’s 18th birthday – the day she would finally get her mark.
Sam was anxious in a way he hadn’t felt in a while. He still felt a little groggy as he threw on his clothes, but he still took a moment to stare at his own mark on his right wrist – a sun, with six little triangles acting as the rays, and a crescent moon inside it.
Of course, that’s just what Sam thought it looked like. Most marks were abstract symbols, and Sebastian always told him he was only seeing what his brain was most familiar with. But he kind of liked the sun as a symbol, if he were being honest. He was a Leo, after all.
He ran out of his room, barely greeting his family as he opened the front door. “Ah!” He luckily managed to stop in his tracks before he collided head on with Penny. “You’re here!” Sam said, hugging her. “Let me see it!”
Penny didn’t hug him back, and didn’t really match his enthusiasm. When he pulled away, he saw the hazy look in her eyes. His stomach dropped. “Pen, it’s okay if it hasn’t showed up yet, sometimes it takes all day and–”
“Sam, can we please talk in your room?” Her voice was a monotone, and he got really scared now.
When anyone reached their 18th birthday, a symbol appeared somewhere on their body. The location and what the symbol was seemed to be completely random – not related to genetics or ethnicity or personality, even if some people claimed it was – but one thing was certain: someone else out there had the exact same mark in the exact same spot as you.
That person was supposed to be your soulmate.
Some people didn’t really believe in the marks, but Sam had always been hopeful. He’d seen his parents; how even after Kent went to war, even when Jodi seemed ready to give up and run away; their love had persevered. They had met when they were children – just like him and Penny – and had waited patiently until Jodi’s 18th birthday came with a mark exactly like Kent’s.
Sam really liked the idea of having known your soulmate before you knew for sure, and so when he started getting feelings for one of his best friends, he didn’t fight it. Luckily, Penny had liked him too, and they’ve been officially dating for over two years now.
Sam took Penny into his room, closing the door behind them. “So?” He asked her.
She stood in the middle the room, her arms crossed. He could tell how closely she’d been holding the sleeves of her cardigan. He braced himself, fearing the worst. “I’m sorry,” Penny said, finally lifting her right sleeve and showing him that her skin was unblemished; blank just like it was the day before.
Sam only stared at it for a moment, his mouth hanging open. No, this couldn’t be. He took her hand, feeling her wrist to see if maybe he could sense that it was about to happen. “Sam, it’s not you,” Penny said. “I’ve already got the mark.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded, downcast. “I’m pretty sure.”
“Can I see it?”
Her face immediately turned red. “It’s… in kind of an intimate spot. I mean, not that intimate, but…”
“Pen, come on. We’ve been together for so long. At least give me that.”
Penny sighed. They had only been intimate a few times, but they’ve never really gone all the way. Sam had always felt something off about it, and he’d always thought it would be wrong to have their first time before they were sure. Now he started to think maybe deep down he’d always known she wasn’t the one.
She lifted her shirt, slightly lowering her skirt to show him the mark on her left hip. Two long, curved lines, and a third, smaller one curved the other way. “Oh, it kinda looks like a rabbit,” Sam said.
Penny frowned, looking at it. “I thought it was more of a heart.”
“No, but like,” He pointed at the first two curves, careful to not touch her. “These are the ears, and the other one is the face.”
She stared at it for a while longer, though Sam didn’t know if she could notice it as well looking at it upside down. “I guess,” she said after a while, tucking her shirt back in.
“Yeah.” Silence stretched between them, thick and heavy. Sam noticed the tears in her eyes, and felt his own starting to water. He pulled her in for a hug. Penny took a moment to respond, but once she did, she melted into his arms.
Sam had been so sure. His entire life he could just feel it, as if his soulmate had always been close. He saw all the time stories of people whose soulmates lived a million miles away, and how a lot of them only found out after the internet made distances seem shorter. But Sam had always felt like he wouldn’t need to resort to those matching websites. His soulmate was in Pelican Town, he just knew it.
But he had also always thought his soulmate was Penny. Sure, he didn’t quite feel the spark some people talked about, but he felt a comfort being around her. She was a good friend, he could see himself marrying her and raising a family with her. Even though lately that thought had started bringing dread into his soul.
Penny pulled away, wiping her eyes. “Look, it’s for the best, you know?”
Sam sighed, letting his tears fall freely. “Fuck, is it really? Because it just kinda sucks, no?”
She shrugged, crossing her arms. “Yeah, but… we’re not meant to be. And…” She looked at the floor. “It’s not like we really had a future, did we?”
He frowned. “What do you mean, of course we had a future.”
Penny sat on his bed, still hugging herself as she looked at him. “Do you even want a traditional life, Sam?” His frown deepened, but his stomach turned cold. “You have all this… talent, all this ambition with your music and I… I don’t know if I would like to see you give that up for me.”
He shook his head. “No, but… it’s not like that, Pen. I was still gonna work an actual job, so you could save up to go to college eventually and–”
“Sam, please… I know that’s not what you want.” She stood. “I know you. You’re my best friend.” She paused. “The mark was supposed to be our reassurance that even if we want different things for our lives, we would still be together in the end.” She sighed. “But that’s not the case.”
Sam wiped his face, hating that he was crying so much. Penny was right, and he couldn’t help but feel a little relief underneath the sadness. He hugged her again. “I guess it was good while it lasted, yeah?” He said.
“Yeah, of course it was,” she answered, and he could tell that she meant it. “No love is wasted, Sam. Not even if we’re not soulmates.”
Sebastian felt like maybe he should be trying harder to comfort Sam, but he just didn’t know how to. Feelings weren’t really his thing, and Sam was currently sprawled out on his couch, his feet on Seb’s lap, crying his eyes out about the fact his girlfriend wasn’t his soulmate.
Seb felt bad for him, but he couldn’t say he was surprised. For months now he’d been noticing how anxious Sam had been getting. He could see how much Sam was giving up to be with Penny – she wanted a white picket fence; marriage and kids as soon as they were stable enough to do so. Sam wasn’t even sure if he wanted to be a father at all.
It wasn’t going to work out. The only chance they had was if they were soulmates. Or at least that’s what Sam often said. Sebastian didn’t fully believe in it.
Maybe he was just jaded, as he was the fruit of a relationship between two people who were not soulmates. Or maybe he was right to doubt it, as it was common for people with similar marks to fool themselves into believing they were soulmates. All marks were unique, but some that had similar shapes were easy to mix up. That had been the case with his parents.
But Sam’s and Penny’s were completely different marks, no chance of any mix up there. Sebastian knew this was going to happen.
Ever since Sam’s 18th birthday two weeks prior, when he’d burst into his basement, excitedly showing him the mark on his right wrist, Sebastian knew he and Penny were headed for a break up. He never told Sam about it, and he was glad he’d made that decision. “But like… what do I even do now, Seb?” Sam sobbed. “It’s like… my whole life just ended!”
Sebastian sighed. Sam could be so dramatic sometimes. He was still only a kid, he had his whole life out in front of him. “Do you really think this is what ended your life?”
Sam sat up, exasperated. “Seb, my whole life was leading up to this! We… we were gonna get married and shit, but now… now what? What am I supposed to do?”
Seb shrugged. “Anything you want.”
Sam blinked, his eyes red and eyelashes damp. He looked lost. Sebastian started to feel a little bad. It wasn’t Sam’s fault that Penny wasn’t his soulmate, and it wasn’t his fault that they’ve been building up their lives with that sole end goal in mind. In Seb’s opinion, they shouldn’t have put all of their eggs in one basket, but he wouldn’t tell Sam that, especially not now.
The point was, Sam didn’t know anything else. All of his plans for the future had been made with Penny in mind, and now he had to rework everything he’d once believed in. It couldn’t be an easy task, and Sebastian shouldn’t be so mean about it.
He sighed. “Look, maybe this is a good thing,” Sebastian said. “Take some time out, just distract yourself for a moment and soon you’ll figure out what you want.”
“How can I even begin to do that, Seb?”
Sebastian stood, turning on the TV. “How about we try Fector’s Challenge?”
Sam smiled, still a little sad, but at least it was a smile. “Alright, you’re on.” He handed the good controller to Sam, and booted up the game. “Her mark is on her hip.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. It looks like a rabbit. It’s kinda cute.”
“Suits her, I guess.”
They started their co-op game of Journey of the Prairie King, trying to go through the first stage without dying. If either of them did, they would have to restart. Luckily, they’ve been attempting this for so long neither of them was likely to lose so early in the game. “Have you ever seen a mark like that?” Sam asked.
Seb laughed. “You mean like, online?” Sam didn’t answer, but Sebastian could feel what he was asking with his silence. “Dude, I’m not Penny’s soulmate, I promise you.”
Sam shrugged, trying to feign nonchalance, but clearly failing. “Well, I’ve never seen your mark, so how can I be sure?”
Sebastian gritted his teeth. “I promise you. I would tell you if I found my soulmate.” He was lying, but Sam didn’t need to know that. At least not yet.
They cleared the first level, and while Seb’s character made its way to the next stage, Sam’s was still. He turned, and found Sam staring deep into his eyes, desperation unlike he’d ever seen in them. “You promise?”
Seb felt the words piling up in his mouth, and he wanted to tell him. But he couldn’t. Not now, not while Sam was at his most vulnerable. He couldn’t crush him more than he knew he already would. “Yeah. I promise.”
Sam had spent the whole day over, and Sebastian had spent all of it torn between desperately needing some alone time and not wanting to leave him on his own. He sighed, going to his bathroom. He needed a shower. He hadn’t really done much today aside from playing video games and comforting Sam, but he still felt grungy.
Maybe it had something to do with how sweaty he got whenever Sam started talking about the soulmate marks. Seb hated when he touched on the subject, but he could only hope that now that his relationship with Penny was over, he would stop fixating so much on it.
He took off his clothes, standing in front of the mirror for a second. He sometimes wished his mark was somewhere really inaccessible, like inside his thighs, or maybe even his scalp – he never planned on shaving his head, after all – but at least it was easy enough to hide it from everyone.
No one’s ever seen his mark. Soon after he’d gotten it, he just opted to tell everyone he never really got it. No one had believed him, especially not Sam, but he was fine with that. As long as Sam didn’t find out, it would be fine.
He took off his leather cuffs. He’d started wearing them when he’d got them for his 14th birthday. If he were being honest, he had been ready to stop wearing them for a while. They were old and ratty, the fake leather peeling off and digging into his skin, but soon after his 18th birthday, he decided to keep wearing it.
Sebastian could just use his hoodie sleeves, but he didn’t want to risk them accidentally riding up. He needed the extra layer of security; the reassurance that his mark would never be seen. He looked at his right wrist, staring at it.
A circle, with six tiny triangles surrounding it, and two curved lines in the center. Sam said it looked like a crescent moon inside a sun. Of course, Sam had never seen his mark. He had mentioned that about his own mark, identical to Sebastian’s.
He had known even before he’d got his mark that Sam was someone special. If his and Sam’s marks weren’t the same, Sebastian would know for sure the entire soulmate thing was bullshit. Just a thing people have created to make sure they wouldn’t die alone – a shared delusion that has spanned generations.
But when Sam showed him his mark, Sebastian finally started to believe.
He had kept that secret for a while now, terrified of opening up his true feelings for Sam. He didn’t know if Sam felt the same way. Although it was rare, there were soulmates who were purely platonic. What he felt for his friend was far from platonic, though, and it’s been like that for years now.
He got in the shower, setting it to the hottest setting he could. Sometimes he wished he could just erase this mark. There was too much weight to it, and he hated it. But at the same time, he couldn’t deny his feelings for Sam, and he liked having a kind of supernatural proof for it.
Steam rose in the shower, and Sebastian let the water scorch his skin. He wondered what Sam’s breakup meant for him. Now that Penny was officially out of the picture, what was stopping him and Sam from being together? Would Sam even want that? What would he do if he found out Sebastian was his soulmate?
Worse, what will he say when he finds out Sebastian had lied to him this entire time?
Sam was bound to find out eventually, there was no way Seb would be able to keep this up for much longer. But he needed to hold on, at least for a while longer, still.
He quickly cleaned himself, the shower invigorating and giving him lots of ideas. He needed to be there for Sam. He needed Sam to understand. He wanted him to know how he felt before finding out about the marks, and hopefully Sam would feel the same way.
Sebastian felt a flash of inspiration, sure he had come up with the perfect plan to get his friend out of his rut.
“Get up, nerd.” Sam frowned, opening his eyes. “Come on, I have a surprise for you.”
Had he heard that right? “Whas’ going on?” He slurred, sitting up on his bed. He let the blanket fall before he remembered he was still naked. He quickly pulled it back on him, feeling his face heat up. “What time is it?”
Sebastian sat on his bed, his face bearing not exactly a smile, and a weird glint of amusement in his eyes. “You know that Zuzupalooza is happening this spring, right?”
Sam nodded. Zuzupalooza was one of the biggest rock festivals this side of the Gem sea, and many of his favorite bands would be playing. Tickets were often ridiculously expensive, and everything got sold out in a matter of hours after sales began. “What about it?”
This time, Sebastian actually smiled, taking out two tickets from the pockets of his hoodie. “What about it is that you and I are going.”
Sam gasped, a lot more alert now. “Shut up!” He took the tickets from him, seeing that they were actually Zuzupalooza ones, and that they looked genuine. “How did you even get this?”
Seb shrugged. “I know a guy.” Sam couldn’t help himself, and lunged into Seb, hugging him. Sebastian pulled him off. “Whoa, dude, you’re still, like… very naked.” He let out an awkward chuckle.
Sam felt his face grow hot. “Sorry.” He picked up his boxers from the floor and put them on. Sebastian was looking away, but Sam could still see how red his cheeks were, and how his throat bobbed momentarily. Weird, just like the butterflies swarming his stomach were weird. He was just excited for the festival, that was all. “So, you’re coming with me?” Sebastian nodded. “I thought you hated crowds.”
He shrugged again, cheeks going even darker. “I like music more than I hate crowds.” He paused. “Besides… I figured you could use something to look forward to.”
Sam chuckled. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“You? Doing something nice for me? And a surprise at that?” Sebastian didn’t say anything. “Who are you and what have you done to my friend?”
“Shut up, asshole, I just thought it would be better for you to do something cool than to stay here moping for the rest of eternity.”
Sam could hear an edge in his voice, and he knew Sebastian wouldn’t do this for just anyone. He wasn’t the type of person who did anything for others. He wasn’t selfish, per se, just a little bit aloof. Sam was fine with that, as he had ideas for programs to drag him along that could last forever. What he hated was how his friend was unwilling to admit maybe he just felt like being nice to Sam.
It was working, though, his plan to cheer him up. “Well,” he said, getting up and going to his wardrobe. “Better start packing, then!”
“It’s still like two months away, dude.”
Sam stopped as he was throwing his jackets on the floor. “Oh.” He laughed. “I got so excited for a sec that I totally forgot.”
Sebastian smiled in a way Sam rarely saw, and it made him blush. “Yeah.” They gazed at each other for just a second too long, and Sam started to wonder what the hell was happening between them.
Sam didn’t really understand what had come over Sebastian lately, but he decided to not question it. Ever since his breakup, Seb had done the absolute most to cheer him up, in that roundabout way only Sebastian knew how.
He’d silently offer him a maple bar while they were hanging out in his basement. He’d somehow managed to find time to actually come over to band practice regularly – something he was notoriously flaky about. He’d even let him win at pool several times, even if Sam wasn’t supposed to have noticed that.
Sam started to get really suspicious about it. Maybe Sebastian was going to move away from the valley and never come back. His stomach froze. Maybe he was really sick and only had a couple of months left to live.
He sighed as he got to Seb’s house. “Yo,” he said to Sebastian. “Am I late?”
Sebastian was in the garage, getting the motorcycle ready. He smiled. “Nah. It’s better when it’s dark, anyway.”
Sam laughed. “Yeah, you’d say that, wouldn’t you?” He handed Seb his backpack so he could secure it on the bike. “Won’t we need some light to pitch the tent, though?”
He smiled. “Maybe.” The Zuzupalooza festival would start tomorrow, and Sebastian made the very out of character suggestion of going camping in the woods on the way to Zuzu City the day before. Sam had been stoked by the idea, as he’d spent most of their friendship trying to convince Seb to go camping with him.
He got nervous again as Sebastian handed him a helmet. He didn’t want to lose his best friend, yet all of this kind of felt like a goodbye. “You’re not sick, are you?” He blurted out.
Sebastian blinked, then laughed. “What? No, why?”
“Like… you’re not for real sick?”
“For real sick? Like, fucking cancer or something?” Sam felt really stupid now, but he still nodded. “No, why do you think that? Are you for real sick?”
He shook his head. If Sebastian was truly sick, Sam knew he would just lie about it. But Sam could tell when he was lying, and he seemed to be telling the truth. “Why are you doing so much stuff for me?”
Sebastian looked away, hopping on his bike. Sam got on behind him. He thought Seb wasn’t going to answer, but then he sighed. “I just want you to know there’s more to life than the soulmate thing.”
Sam felt his face heat up, and he held onto Sebastian as he started up the motorcycle. “Hold on tight, spider monkey,” Seb said. Sam laughed, and they were off in the direction of the city.
They’d made it to their campsite before sunset. It was a nice, secluded clearing, up on a hill which allowed them to see Zuzu City in the distance. Sam knew Sebastian loved coming over here on his own, to think, but he’d never brought Sam with him.
They talked about trivial things. Sebastian talked about the latest Cave Saga, while Sam gushed about the bands they would see tomorrow, hoping they would play his favorite songs. All in all, it was a pretty regular occurrence for the two of them.
The setting was definitely different, though. Sebastian had doused himself in repellent to fend off the mosquitoes, while Sam had spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to start a fire. Sebastian had watched in silence for minutes, before finally getting a lighter from his pocket and igniting the flame.
Sam gawked. “You fucker! Why didn’t you just light it up instead of letting me blow onto a spark for like, half an hour?”
Sebastian laughed for a moment, but then it faded. “I wanted to see if you could do it. I mean, it’s more accomplishing that way, right?”
Sam shook his head. “I’d rather take the easy route, to be honest. I’m starving, and these marshmallows won’t roast themselves!” He opened up their bag of marshmallows as Sebastian handed him a stick.
There was a lull in their chat after that, and Sebastian retreated into his mind for a moment. Sam wanted to bring him back out, but decided to let him be for now. He saw him take a cigarette from his bag, lighting it up on the fire.
The sky was beautiful out here, and even the light pollution from the city in the distance wasn’t enough to obfuscate the stars. Sam poked the campfire with a stick as Sebastian took a drag out of his cigarette. “You sure you should be smoking?” He asked.
Sebastian turned to him, and put his smoke out. “Sorry. I forgot you don’t like it.”
Sam stared at him for a moment, before turning back to the fire. The flames danced as he poked it some more. He wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he knew Sebastian would just shut down instead of answering him. He decided to try something else. “Thanks for this, Seb.”
“For what?”
Sam shrugged. “You know… I’m actually kinda glad me and Penny broke up,” he said instead of answering. “I don’t think I ever was who she wanted me to be. I know she was upset when I told her I wanted to take a gap year.” He paused. “She hated that I could afford to go to college but chose not to, just because that was something she wanted.
“She didn’t get me. Like… I love her and stuff still, but… I don’t think she understood me. Not the way you do.”
Sam hadn’t planned on saying that, but he was surprised how sincere those words had been. Sebastian had been the only one who hadn’t made him feel like shit for the gap year. He was the only one who understood why Sam needed it. He barely knew who he was, why would he go to college just because that’s what every other eighteen year old did?
Sam wasn’t like everyone else. Sebastian wasn’t either.
Seb smiled, but he didn’t meet his gaze. “I don’t really see you going to college, to be honest.”
“What do you see me doing then?”
Sebastian scooted a bit closer, taking a marshmallow from the bag and roasting it with his stick. “I see you working on your music. Maybe you’ll start a real band, or maybe you’d do some solo work. You post your shit online. People like it, because duh, and then you move to the city with a record deal and fame and recognition for all your talent.” He paused. “You don’t need college for that.”
Sam didn’t know if it was the fire, Seb’s words or his physical closeness that made his face heat up. “And where are you in this vision?”
Sebastian blew the fire out of his marshmallow. “Wherever you want me to be.”
Butterflies swarmed Sam’s stomach, and he looked away. He didn’t know how to respond to that, but he could feel something shifting between them.
Sebastian had always been there for him. In his own distant way, sure, but he’d never left Sam to deal with life on his own. He’d been there for the good moments, but for the bad ones too. Sam couldn’t see his life without him.
His future was pretty uncertain right now, but he was sure of one thing: he wanted Sebastian right there by his side.
The festival had been even better than Sam expected. Not only was he finally able to see some of his favorite bands live, he’d got a pretty good spot up front, screaming along with the lyrics and feeling a sense of euphoria he’d never felt before.
Sebastian had also let loose for a while, especially during his favorite songs. There really wasn’t a feeling quite like sharing his love for music with a friend who truly understood it, felt it the same way he did. Even stranger that this was Sebastian, who was often so reserved about displaying his true feelings. It seemed like he’d let it out for the first time.
Sam really liked that. He didn’t understand why now, but he had started to feel something unusual for Sebastian. They’ve always been friends. Sam has always liked him, but this was undeniably different than before. Their gazes lingered for just a tad too long. Seb was a little more touchy than usual – something he wouldn’t even have noticed if this wasn’t the usually touch-averse Sebastian.
Now, as he lay on the hotel bed, his whole body still tingling from the concerts’ excitement, he felt something deep in his gut. A feeling he’d never experienced before, but that sounded a lot like the descriptions he’d seen online from people who have found their soulmates.
Sam loved browsing those forums. He had started frequenting them because he wanted to be sure what he felt for Penny would be a guarantee that they were a perfect match. Looking back now, he could tell he was just fooling himself into it, just because he didn’t know anything else.
But now… now it felt real. It felt like his certainty that his soulmate had been close to him his whole life wasn’t as delusional as he’d thought.
He couldn’t really sleep, and his mind kept replay many key moments of growing up with Sebastian. Sam then realized something. He never saw Sebastian’s wrists. They were always covered, either by his hoodie or by the leather cuffs he refused to take off.
He thought back to every significant moment they’d shared, and Sam noticed how Sebastian had been there for every single important thing in his life. A silent presence, always there for him in a way no one else understood. But Seb knew, because he knew Sam, inside and out.
Sam got out of bed, feeling unbelievably stupid. How had he not noticed it before? Had he really been so blindsided by his whole future with Penny? God, all of that felt so pointless now, so wrong.
He stood next to Sebastian’s sleeping form. He slept on his stomach, and his arm was thrown out of the bed, hand almost touching the carpet. Sam sat next to it, getting as close as he could without touching.
He noticed that under his long sleeved pajamas, Sebastian was still wearing those damned cuffs. He was hiding something, and Sam’s heart beat faster, knowing exactly what it was.
He needed to see it. He needed to be sure he wasn’t out of his mind for even considering it. Being with Sebastian felt right, but he’d been wrong about that before.
It wasn't the same, though. Deep in his heart, he knew what he felt for Sebastian was unique. Quiet and content, as if he could easily spend the rest of his life just the two of them and be really happy about it. As if they were made for each other.
Sam reached out as silently and carefully as he could, and tried to undo the latch on the cuffs. He wasn’t getting it to open, and the more he moved around, the more he feared Sebastian would wake. He kept at it, and got the latch loose. Finally.
Before he could take it off, Sebastian’s hand grabbed his. “What the fuck are you doing?” He asked Sam. Seb sat up, glaring down at him. “Why are you on the floor next to my bed?”
He shook his hand away, and examined what Sam had been doing to his cuffs. “I… I’m sorry, Seb, but… I need to know.”
“Know what?” He spat, tying his cuffs back and turning on the bedside lamp. “I told you I don’t want to show you where my mark is, and here you are invading my privacy!”
“But Seb…” Sam didn’t really understand how what he was doing was wrong. Didn’t he have a right to know? He didn’t want to fight, though, and a deep longing settled in his chest. “Please… are you my soulmate?”
His voice sounded so heavy. Sebastian had never heard Sam like this – emotional, fragile, as if Sebastian told him the wrong thing he would just break. He couldn’t keep this going. Their weekend getaway had been everything he’d ever wanted, and now he was about to ruin it.
But he had to. For Sam’s sake, he needed to be honest. He’s suffered enough, and even though Sebastian had been desperately trying to make him happy, he knew his lie would catch up to them.
Sebastian didn’t say anything. He simply undid his leather cuff, taking it off. He only felt his tears when they were already running down his face.
Sam only gaped at the mark on his right wrist. He took Sebastian’s hand, and carefully placed his wrist next to his. The marks were an even more perfect match now that Seb finally saw them side by side. The moon inside the sun.
Sam’s hand was shaking, his eyes darting between their wrists. “You knew…” Sebastian could barely hear his voice. “All this time… you knew?” Sam looked up at him, tears visible even in the low light. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Seb took in a breath. “I’m sorry, Sam, but–”
“All this time, you just… you let me hope that Penny was my soulmate? You let me spend all of that time terrified of that actually coming true, because I was never sure if I wanted what she wanted?” He was starting to raise his voice. “And you knew?”
“Fuck, Sam, it was just two weeks!”
“Two weeks?!” He stood. “No, Seb, it wasn’t just two weeks! Because as far as I know, you’re older than me, and you got your mark first. So it wasn’t just two weeks.” He shook his head, tears in his eyes. “How could you do this, Seb? How could you lie to me–”
“I didn’t lie to you!” He screamed, standing so fast his head spun. “I didn’t tell you because I… I had hope that you would be my match. I didn’t want you to know before… before you felt something for me too.”
Sam looked away, and Sebastian continued. “I needed to be sure, Sam, because…” He sighed. “I hate these stupid marks, you know? How… how if Penny had got the same mark as you, you would happily live with less just because the universe said you two were a match. You’d never be happy with her, and you know it.”
“But it’s not her, Seb! Don’t you get it?” Sam poked him on the shoulder, hard. “It’s you, you stupid idiot! It’s fucking real, whether you like it or not, because I love you!”
Sebastian saw his eyes soften, as if he hadn’t even realized he’d said that. They were both still crying, breathing heavy as they gazed into each other’s eyes. “Do you really?” Seb asked.
Sam sighed. “Yes.” He smiled, albeit a small one. “You’re a mean, grumpy idiot, but I still love you.”
“Thank you,” he said, desperately wanting to kiss him but not knowing if he should do that now. “I love you too. And I’m sorry for hurting you. I got scared.” Sam slapped his shoulder. “Ow! I said I was sorry!”
“I’m still mad at you!” He said, frowning, even though his eyes weren’t as harsh. “You really fucked up, you know that?” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, making it even taller than it usually was. “Like, fuck, Seb… I need some time to think about this, okay? Can you do that for me?”
Sebastian sighed. He really thought if he’d just apologized enough, things would go back to normal. Or maybe they would finally escalate in the way he’d always wanted, but Sam had a point. He had fucked up big time, he knew that, and Sam deserved time to really digest everything.
Seb was still scared, though. He didn’t know if a soulmate bond could be strong enough to counteract certain transgressions. He didn’t like the sinking feeling in his stomach that he had fucked this up in an irreversible way. “Okay,” he said, even though he really didn’t want to.
Sebastian sighed as he looked out the mountain lake. He’d never felt this lost before in his life, and it was only made worse by the fact he thought things would be cleared up by now.
The trip to Zuzu City the week before had ended with him and Sam strained and barely talking. What Sebastian had thought could finally be the beginning of the next stage of their relationship became basically the end. He really wished he could go back and do it over. Not the trip; he’d go back to his birthday, and he’d show Sam the mark.
But at the same time, Sebastian didn’t really regret keeping it a secret. It’s not like it wouldn’t have hurt Sam regardless.
He drew his knees closer to his body, setting his head down on them. They’ve barely talked since the trip. He’d never gone this long without speaking to Sam, and he only now noticed how much of his life revolved around him. He’d been extremely lonely – something he didn’t even think he was capable of feeling.
Sebastian heard some squelching noises slowly getting louder. It had rained quite a lot the day before, and the ground was extremely muddy. He was aware he’d ruined his jeans by sitting on the edge of the lake, but he didn’t really care.
He turned, and saw Sam walking up to him, a small smile on his face. “Hey,” he said. He was carrying a backpack, which he took off before sitting next to him.
Sebastian hated how his heart warmed just by Sam talking to him. It didn’t mean things were solved between them yet. “Hey,” Seb replied. “What are you doing out here?”
Sam sighed. “Looking for you, actually.”
“Really? I thought you hated me.” Sebastian cursed himself as soon as the words left his mouth. “Sorry, I didn’t–”
“It’s fine, Seb. I get it.” He went quiet for a moment, the air still thick between them. “I, uh… I have something for you.”
Sebastian frowned. “What is it?” Sam smiled, opening up his backpack and taking out a glass jar. He gasped once he saw what was in it. “A frog? Sam, where did you get this?”
The frog was trying to climb up the jar, but the lid was sealed – save for some holes Sam had probably made so it could breathe. Sebastian couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “Well, it was raining yesterday,” Sam said. “I know you like frogs, so I thought hey, maybe I could catch one. It can’t be that hard, right?” His eyes went wide and he shook his head. “Boy, was I wrong.” Seb laughed.
“But after a lot of grinding, I managed to trap it and… well, now it’s yours.”
Sebastian kept staring at it, mesmerized. “Sam, you really didn’t have to do this, I mean…” He sighed. “I don’t even have a place to put it and…”
He was interrupted by Sam taking out a glass container from his backpack. It looked like it was meant to be an aquarium, but it could easily be a terrarium instead. “Don’t worry, I thought of everything.”
Seb felt his cheeks hurting. He wasn’t really used to smiling this much. “Thank you.”
Sam smiled back. “It’s no biggie.” Sebastian held onto the jar, the frog croaking as it still tried to escape. “I’ve had some time to think about things and… yeah, I get why you lied.” He paused. “I understand why you thought not telling me would be the best thing at the time.”
Sebastian shook his head. “I still fucked up, though. I know I was in the wrong, Sam, you don’t have to humor me.”
“I know, but… it doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.” He smiled, his cheeks turning red. “You’re my soulmate. And… I really don’t wanna live without you. Even before I knew, I still didn’t want to.”
Sam reached his hand out to take his. Seb no longer wore the cuffs, and he saw their identical marks side by side once more. “I love you, Seb.”
Sebastian felt how hot his cheeks were, and decided to let his instincts guide him for once. He pulled Sam in, and kissed him. He’d thought about doing this many times in the past, just wondering what it would be like, but none of that could possibly have prepared him for the real thing.
There was a sense of rightness in Sam’s kiss, a deep calm slowly replacing the initial butterflies in his stomach. It was as if he finally found where he was meant to be. Something tangible, something good.
Better than good, maybe. True love, in its purest form.
Sebastian finished setting up the terrarium for his new frog friend – which he’d named Gerard – as Sam came in with the pizza they’d ordered from the saloon. He placed a kiss on Seb’s cheek as he walked in, and Sebastian couldn’t stop himself from blushing. This was definitely different, a change he never really expected. But for once in his life, he welcomed this change, ready to take on life with his soulmate by his side.
Sam sat on the couch in Sebastian’s room as they shared the pizza, thinking about everything that had happened lately. This wasn’t unlike their many, many sleepovers over the years, but now it just felt right. He was exactly where he was supposed to be. His future was still uncertain, but at least he knew he wouldn’t have to do it alone.