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Stede knows that Edward Teach is a handsome man. He’s known that for ages.
He knew it when he first learned he’d be co-starring alongside Edward; he’d known it for years prior, watching him on the silver screen, long before Stede’s own film career began.
He knows, rationally, that kissing a handsome man for a scene (many scenes, even) doesn’t mean a thing. It’s the first part of the job an actor must accept: there are roles which will require a level of intimacy that feels real, and in the moment, that realness will aid the performance, but one must understand that what happens when the cameras are rolling means nothing when they’ve stopped.
This has never been a problem for Stede before. His affections build slowly and even then, he’s not sure he’s ever truly been in love. Fond, yes. Intrigued sexually? Occasionally. But love as a concept is a little elusive; he’s read plenty of romance novels and if they’re an accurate depiction, with the grand declarations and the all-consuming thoughts of holding and kissing and never parting ways… he’s never experienced that.
Which is why, when he was cast to play Edward’s love interest for a romantic comedy, knowing even then what a handsome man Ed is, he expected it to be a pleasant experience, (fun, even!) but ultimately just like any other role.
✨ 🎬 🎥
A month into filming, after he and Ed have grown quite close as friends — spending much of their down time in one or the other’s trailer — they film the first kiss.
It’s to be the first of many. The script calls for a not insubstantial number of intimate scenes. This did not strike Stede as a problem when he first read the script, but looking into Edward’s beautiful brown eyes now, he finds himself a tad worried.
“Ready?” Ed whispers, his large hand cupping Stede’s cheek perfectly as they wait for the director to call action. His voice is low and warm and his breath brushes Stede’s lips as he says it.
Stede’s heart feels like a jackrabbit thumping in his chest. He has never felt quite so off-kilter during a shoot and he knows that Ed is the cause but he’s reluctant to name why that might be, so instead he offers a gentle smile he hopes is relaxed but feels quite the opposite and mutters back:
“What’s there to be ready for?”
Something in Ed’s eyes spark like Stede has just offered a challenge. His eyes go large and then narrow, his pupils suddenly very large.
“Action!” Calls Oluwande. Stede’s breath stutters out of him.
Ed surges forward, pressing into Stede with slightly parted lips, his other hand coming to Stede’s collarbone, to mimic the stage direction written for them — Theodore places a hand over Oliver’s chest, to provide some measure of distance between the simple action of the kiss and the full force of the feeling that have lead to it… or maybe just to feel the thrum of Oliver’s heart beneath his palm.
It’s just the sort of affection Stede has so often read and never fully understood, but Ed’s lips are on his and Stede can feel his heartbeat hammering in his neck (god, he hopes Ed doesn’t notice) and the hand on his cheek feels like it’s burning hot enough to leave an impression.
Ed groans. Stede hums, nonsensically, just to offer some sort of response.
And then Ed is pulling back and Stede’s eyes are still closed but he feels himself lean forward, stopped by that hand still at his sternum.
“Oh, shit,” Stede whispers, with great feeling, because oh shit, he’s never felt like this before. Like he wants to spend however long Ed will allow it wrapped up in moments like these. And Ed is his friend . And this is his job. And oh shit , his brain is fuzzy with the warmth of their shared breakfasts, and sneaking away from set to go see the local attractions, and spending the night asleep on the ridiculous small sofa in Ed’s trailer after movie night has gone too late. All of that warmth and affection feeling so full inside of him, remembered all at once and quantified in this fake kiss.
Oh shit, he might love Edward Teach.
“Cut,” calls Oluwande. “That was good, but Stede, there’s not supposed to be any dialogue.”
Stede blinks awake just in time to see Ed tip his head back and let out a pleased laugh.
“That good hmm?” He says after the laughter dies down, and there’s a gentle smirk on his lips with eyes so deep and beautiful and familiar.
Oh shit indeed.
“From the top!” Oluwande says, and everyone returns to their marks.
✨ 🎬 🎥
“Wanna grab a bite, mate?” Ed asks, throwing an arm around Stede’s shoulders as they make their way to their living accommodations.
“I can’t tonight,” Stede says apologetically. Ed stops them so that he can frown. The puppy dog eyes that are usually so effective on Stede out to full use. Stede pats him lightly on his chest, going for unaffected. “I promised I would call the children tonight.”
“Call them from my place. Love those guys.” Ed grins.
“Not tonight,” Stede replies, again. His tone is neutrally polite but Ed spends a few moments longer than necessary watching him before he finally drops his arm and stands fully before Stede. The concern on his brow is obvious instantly.
“Hey man, are you alright?”
Stede smiles.
“Never better, Ed,” he says. “I suppose I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Ed trails off. “Bright and early.”
Stede offers one parting smile and flees.
Stede is a coward. He’s thinking all sorts of things: he’s thinking Ed is too good for him, and he’s thinking about how much fun they have together, and he’s thinking about his father laughing in his face when he declared he’d like to try out acting.
He’s mostly thinking how much of an idiot he is and always has been.
He does call the children, so that whatever adjectives they use to describe him at some nebulous point in the future, he can at least defend himself by saying that he isn’t also a liar.
✨ 🎬 🎥
“Alright, fuck this,” Ed grabs Stede by the bicep as they’re getting ready to depart after another day of shooting. “You’re avoiding me.”
“Of course not!” Stede feels himself turn red in indignation (certainly not from his inability to cope with being touched; certainly not because he’s been caught).
“Bullshit, mate. We spend every free moment together for a month and then we have one on-screen kiss and suddenly you’ve got everything in the world to do except fucking … look at me.” Ed drops his hand, Stede mourns that immediately. “What the hell is going on with you?”
The appropriate response would be to talk about it. Stede has always been very pro talking about it. He loves a hardy conversation about feelings — barring any about his own.
“I just,” says Stede. “Could I kiss you again, Edward?” If he can just confirm that what he felt was a fluke, all of this could go away. They could go back to having lovely afternoons together and wonderful chemistry on camera and Stede could maintain their friendship with no expectation for more.
With no fear that he would never be worthy of it.
Ed stares for a moment, and nods very minutely. It doesn’t have to be enthusiastic, it just has to be enough to know.
Stede steps forward, presses a gentle kiss to Ed’s lips, barely anything. He’s about to pull back but Ed stops him with a hand to the back of his head. He pushes them into something much firmer, much more desperate. Much more of what Stede wants but doesn’t want to ask for.
Stede feels something churn low in his belly like desire but much, much too deep to be just that.
It’s ecstasy, kissing Ed, having Ed kiss back.
It’s absolutely terrifying.
“Come back to my trailer,” Ed whispers into his lips, a hair’s breadth away. “ Please , Stede.”
Stede’s going to ruin this film, and this man, and his own foolish heart.
He nods anyway.