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“That guy looks sad,” says Louis.
“Perhaps we should go say hello, then?” says Stede, glancing for the hundredth time at the simmering man sitting across the pool. He’s dressed fully in black — black shirt; tight black pants — despite the heat and the blazing sun; despite being at a pool and 100 yards away from the start of a very sandy beach.
He’s been frowning at his phone for an hour.
He’s very attractive.
“Yes,” says Louis.
“Oh but maybe he’s happy to be left alone,” Stede backtracks.
“Do adults frown even when they’re happy?” Asks Alma. Stede genuinely has to think about it.
“Sometimes,” he admits.
“Do happy people angrily pour little packets of sugar directly into their mouths like he did?” Alma grins.
Stede does distinctly recall the lovely gentleman bringing back a drink and about 10 packets of sugar to his little spot of paradise... and putting seven of those packs in his drink… and consuming the last three raw with an intensity usually reserved for glaring at awful drivers. (Stede’s… not unfamiliar with that particular expression.)
“Er, hard to say for sure on that one, sweetheart…” Stede flounders.
“I don’t see anything wrong with that,” Louis contributes. Stede supposes he wouldn’t; no one loves sugar as much as Louis Bonnet. “And I still think we should say hi. Who wants to be sad? We can help.”
“Alright,” says Stede, “we’ll put it to a vote.” They huddle in the pool, ducking into one another. “All in favor?”
Alma and Louis both put their hands in. Louis with slightly more enthusiasm than his sister.
“You can’t oppose your own idea, dad,” Alma tells him.
“I’m not opposed!” Stede’s grin is a bit sheepish. “I’ve chosen to abstain.”
Both of his children shoot him such thoroughly unimpressed side eyes Stede is struck immediately with the thought that they have never looked more like their mother.
Louis very pointedly grabs Stede’s wrist and drags his hand into the voting pile.
”The vote says yes!” He declares with a firm nod.
🏖️ 🐠 🏖️
Ed’s having a bad time.
This whole vacation was a fucking mistake; he should’ve just stayed home. At least when he’s being miserable in his own bed he can’t hear the excited footsteps of other people running down the halls on the other side of the door.
But then, if he spends more than about two days under his own covers, usually Izzy starts coming around. And if there’s one thing Ed doesn’t need in his life right now, it’s Israel fucking Hands telling him to grow a pair.
On the plus side, there’s a hot dad hanging out in the pool. He caught Ed’s attention immediately because he’s wearing one of those tank bathing suits straight out of the 1920s. Kind of a shame, he’s broad-chested and Ed wouldn’t mind seeing all that on display, but the bizarreness of the suit is really doing a lot for Ed’s bad mood. Enough that he’s even starting to think that maybe he should put his phone away and try to enjoy himself.
He’s having that thought when the boy approaches him.
“You have to come with us,” the kid says with a lot of bravado for a… ten year old, maybe?
“What?” The fuck…
🏖️ 🐠 🏖️
“Louis!” Alma crosses her arms and groans. “Let dad talk.”
Stede hazards a glance at the man. He looks perplexed but not necessarily annoyed which Stede is optimistic means they haven’t blown the introduction quite yet.
“What he meant,” Stede tries to explain, “is that we would like to invite you to come with us. Out. For a trip to the local museums, and possibly ice cream afterward.”
“Yessss,” Louis whispers, loud enough that everyone still hears him.
The man raises an eyebrow. He looks over Stede, and then his eyes flicker to the children and then back to Stede.
“…You’re a little weird, mate,” the man says, “anyone ever tell you that?”
Stede deflates a little. Ah, because of course this is not something a normal person would do. And this man doesn’t owe them a polite rejection, though Stede suppose he did sort of expect that to be the natural conclusion to this encounter.
“You don’t have to be rude,” Alma bites. Stede almost reaches for her. He’s not so blind as to be unaware that this is a fight his daughter has had on his behalf before. Regardless of how often he has told her he isn’t ashamed to be who he is. It’s a fight he knows she’s been having on Louis’ behalf more recently as well.
“Hey, whoa,” says the man, looking at Alma now. “Since when is being weird bad?”
“Since no one ever says it as a compliment.”
“I just did, didn’t I?”
“Did you?” Ask Stede, genuinely unsure.
“Yeah man,” says the man and Stede is graced with a breathtakingly beautiful little grin. “You’re weird as he—ck. And I like it. I’d be … er, honored to go to some museums with you.”
Stede smiles in return. He offers a hand.
“I’m Stede Bonnet,” he introduces himself.
“Ed Teach,” Ed takes his hand and shakes it firmly. “And who are you?” He pointedly looks at Alma.
“Alma,” she says.
“And Louis!” Louis adds, grabbing Ed’s hand to shake as well.
🏖️ 🐠 🏖️
They agree to meet in the lobby in one hour so that everyone can freshen up and change into town-appropriate clothing. Secretly, Stede is also considering this Ed’s opportunity to get away, in the event he said yes out of some misguided need to be kind for the children’s sakes.
Stede doesn’t enjoy being alone when he’s upset, but he knew that was Mary’s preference. Perhaps it is Ed’s as well. Though he was in a public area… not that he was engaging at all with his surroundings…
Stede doesn’t know him well enough to say.
Was this a bad idea?
“Ready?” Asks Alma.
🏖️🐠🏖️
The Bonnets are lunatics. Every one of them.
Ed barks out a laugh as Stede drags Louis bodily away from an installation of the bow of a pirate ship.
“I have to go up there, dad!” Says the kid. “I have to do the Titanic!”
“We have to wait until the coast is clear,” Stede whisper-shouts.
“We shouldn’t be getting on it at all!” The girl groans. “I’m adding this to my list of things to tell mom about.” Ed’s getting a feel for their dynamic. Louis: shy at first glance. Fully feral. Stede: unhinged. Trying his best. Alma: hinged. Also trying her best.
“List huh?” He glances down at the teen standing beside him. They’ve both got their arms crossed, watching as Stede tries to discreetly sneak he and Louis to the top of the wooden planks where some rigging has been added for - shit, authenticity maybe? Even though it’s all fucking wrong.
Alma pulls a notebook out of her bag and shows it to Ed.
“Everytime dad does something mom told him not to do with us,” she explains, running her finger down a list on a page. Ed’s eyebrows creep up his face as he reads out some of them. Arson?
“Do you think this one falls under breaking the law or annoying the general public ?”
“Probably just annoying,” Ed shrugs. “Fancy white guy like him? Won’t be breaking the law unless he spits in the face of the cop that tells him to get down.”
Alma makes some weird noise that has Ed wanting to ask several questions because it definitely doesn’t sound like she’d be surprised if he maybe did.
“So you’re a snitch?”
Alma shrugs.
“I just think it’s funny,” she says. “Mom gets all,” she makes a face like a monster getting ready to attack, claw hands and all. “And dad waves her way,” she waves a hand disinterestedly, looking very snooty and unbothered. “And then Doug, that’s our new stepdad, has to calm them down. But mom’s never really that mad. She knows what dad is like.”
“And what is dad like ?” Ed asks, curious despite himself.
Alma looks at him with eyes more perceptive than any kid’s got a right to be.
“Weird,” she says simply but with some significance.
🏖️🐠🏖️
Ed eventually convinces Alma to break loose enough to sneak up on the boat bow with him. She and Louis poke around the available space with open fascination, proving to Ed that all kids are deviants, even the ones who keep lists of their dad’s fuck ups.
Speaking of that dad.
“Did you get to do the Titanic pose?” He grins, leaning up against the railing.
“Alas, Louis is too short to hold me up properly,” Stede laughs. He’s standing up against the pointed junction of the rails where the pose would’ve happened if Stede were Rose and they weren’t on half a boat glued to the side of a museum building.
Ed feels himself speak, totally against his better judgment.
“Bet I’m tall enough to ride this ride,” he says, “I’ll hold you up.”
Stede turns red enough that Ed’s a little worried he might not be breathing anymore.
“O-okay,” he eventually gets out. Ed’s grin grows.
“Yeah?”
“Yes.”
Ed comes up behind Stede, grips his hips. Stede, red as hell, still laughs. He throws his arms out like they’re cutting through the sea.
Ed’s focused on his golden curls fluttering in the wind and the warmth he can feel even through Stede’s fancy blue coat.
“I see the appeal,” Stede laughs, turning in Ed’s arms. Now he’s staring at Ed while Ed’s fingers flex greedily against his waist. “Your turn.”
Ed’s brain short circuits.
🏖️🐠🏖️
They do eventually make it inside of the building. Stede considers this a resounding success. For a moment there, it felt like they might not get Louis off the ship bow.
Eventually Ed had simply lifted him up over his shoulder and fireman carried him off. Stede has to admit it was much more effective than anything Stede could come up with.
They trail through the various exhibits for longer than anyone other than Stede want to, but they’re humoring him. And that makes him warm with affection.
In the butterfly exhibit Stede points out some favorites that Alma and Louis can recite back almost entirely due to the osmotic process of listening to him speak about them for most of their lives.
Ed looks vaguely freaked out by the whole exhibit, but he’s being a good sport about it.
When they finally get ice cream everyone is ecstatic.
Stede watches Ed order four scoops with something bordering on morbid fascination.
He watches him take the first lick with fathomless hunger.
He has to blink and look away to save his own dignity.
They walk along the sandy beach as they eat their treats. Alma makes Stede hold hers so she can go run along the shore; Louis is much bolder and simply stands in the water while eating his.
Ed is wearing leather, so when Stede asks:
“Would you like to go put our toes in the water?”
His reply is a sensible: “you couldn’t fucking pay me, mate.” Perhaps more sensibly, he might have considered not wearing black leather in the height of summer. Stede’s made no shortage of questionable fashion choices in the name of style so he can’t really pass too much judgment.
“Thanks for bringing me along today,” Ed says after a few minutes. “I didn’t know what the fuck was going to happen, but it’s been fun. Most fun I’ve had in ages. Bonnets really know how to cut loose.”
Stede smiles.
“Our pleasure,” he replies sincerely. “To be honest, you looked rather lonely at the pool this morning. And I noticed you yesterday in the same chair looking much the same.”
Ed’s eyes flicker away, his face shuddering a little.
“Of course you don’t have to,” Stede offers, “but I’m happy to listen. If you want to talk about it.”
They walk in silence for long enough that Stede supposes that’s the answer, until finally Ed says: “There’s not a whole lot to say. I’m supposed to be here on a honeymoon and instead I’m here single.”
“Oh wow,” says Stede, inelegantly.
“Yeah,” Ed huffs. There’s no humor in it. “Shouldn’t be surprised, I’ve cheated before. He cheated before. We’re not good people. It’s not like we were going to make each other any better. If it wasn’t him, it was probably going to be me at some point.”
“Oh, Ed,” says Stede, laying a hand on his new friend's shoulder. “You don’t have to give him a pass for hurting you, just because you’ve also hurt people before. And that doesn’t make you a bad man, either. Not if you want to be better.”
Stede can’t tell if Ed has digested what he said, or if he believes him at all, but the silence doesn’t feel oppressive, at least.
He lets it pass like that for a while before laughing softly to himself.
“Hmm?” Ed questions, back to licking his ice cream.
“You’re here because someone cheated on you, and in a way, so am I. And you're on a not honeymoon … and in some ways I am, too. Just funny is all.”
“I’m gonna need some more info,” says Ed.
Stede waves vaguely to the children splashing around in the distance.
“Their mother is on her honeymoon, which is why we’re here. I thought if they get to go on vacation, we will too,” Stede smiles. “And my ex-wife’s new husband, Doug, used to be her art instructor. They … met while we were still together.”
“That’s rough, man,” Ed says.
“It was a blessing in disguise, really,” Stede tells him, trying to explain the clusterfuck that has been much of his life. “We never really loved one another — or at least, not while we were married, and never in a romantic since. It hurt quite a lot at the time, but I think I was mostly hurt because finally, one of us was happy. And it wasn’t me.” Stede laughs softly to himself. “And if I were still with her, I would certainly still be trying to convince myself of my heterosexuality. Which I have never been very good at.”
Ed looks utterly stunned for a few very long moments before a smile cracks his face and he starts laughing in earnest. Stede doesn’t know that he’s ever seen anything quite so beautiful as this man, totally untethered from his sadness.
When Stede catches Ed’s eye again, he shrugs hopelessly and adds:
“Sometimes difficult things have to happen to create the circumstance for good things to happen.”
🏖️🐠🏖️
Ed feels fondness shoot through him like a fucking bullet through the heart. An act of god couldn’t stop him from kissing Stede Bonnet in this moment.
He crashes into him like a boat against a rocky shore. Sugar-coated lips against sugar-coated lips, he hears Stede drop the ice cream he was holding and let out a startled squawk and then a please moan; he feels Stede lace a hand into Ed’s hair, short fingernails scratching dull against his scalp and curling. Fuck he’s warm. Fuck this is nice. Fuck.
An act of god couldn’t stop him, but Alma Bonnet yelling: “My ice cream!” And Louis Bonnet’s “GROSS!” Definitely do.
He steps back, looks at Stede, twin smiles blooming across their kiss-bruised lips before they both laugh.