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1) Bearded Guy
“Hello, pizza delivery for a Travis McCoy?” Pete Wentz asked as the door opened, and he looked up to see a dark skinned, bearded man holding a Harley Davidson coffee mug in one hand and a wad of cash in the other.
“Just Travie’s fine, little dude.” The tattooed man replied, looking down at Pete with a smirk. Pete nodded once, swallowing heavily as his wide brown eyes flickered about nervously. “Gonna repeat my order off so I know that you got my order right?”
“O-oh, right.” The small, black haired man stammered out, fumbling with his hands and looking down at the receipt as he read off the order. “Two large U-Umami Paradise pizzas, and three boxes of cheese bread.”
You see, Pete was new at his job as a pizza delivery man at his town’s local Domino’s Pizza. Sure, he could have gotten a job easily at a better, higher paying pizza place as a delivery driver due to his grades, but his friend Andy had gotten him the job easily, so Pete didn’t complain. But anyway, the slender man had only had this job for two weeks.
And then it started to get weird.
“That’s it, let me just get your money.” Travis nodded and slowly counted through the wad of cash he had, pausing once to spit a large ball of blood into the mug. Pete made a slight face, the slightly tanned tint of his face slowly turning green as he watched his customer periodically spit more blood into the mug. The tall man sighed and shook his head, handing Pete the entire wad of cash.
“Um, d-do you want change back, sir?” Pete asked as he handed over the five boxes he had carried to the door, taking the wad of cash and looking uncertainly up at Travis.
“Nah, you’re good little dude. Thanks.” Travis nodded down at Pete and shook his head, slamming the front door loudly.
“You’re welcome.” Pete mumbled back, looking at the front door with a slight frown before trudging back to the car. Once he was sat in the driver’s seat, he thought for a moment before pulling out his phone to write down a simple summary about what had happened with that customer.
~bearded man answered the door, kept spitting blood into his mug while counting cash, named Travie
Feeling slightly better about the encounter, Pete pocketed his phone and drove away to get back to the pizza place.
2) Six Foot Man-Umbridge
Pete reached out and rang the doorbell of the large, salmon coloured house he was standing in front of, holding the small box of pizza tightly to him as if he could be shielded from what was going to come out of the front door. He hoped that this person wouldn’t be as strange as the bearded man in the next neighbourhood over, but it had been months since that strange encounter so he doubted.
Suddenly, the door swung open to reveal a tall man, um woman, um…thing. Pete blinked up at the person who had answered the door, not quite sure what he was expecting to hear, but a deep voice was definitely not it.
“Uh hey, sorry about the…the pink dress.” The person said, looking down at Pete with wide blue eyes.
“Pizza for a Joe Walker?” He said in return, not quite sure what to make of the whole situation currently, and the man nodded.
“That’s me.” Joe said, and they blinked at each other for a long while before the taller man pulled his wallet out of his pocket. “Sorry, my friends and I are practicing for a musical. They cast me as Umbridge from the Harry Potter series. I honestly have no idea why.”
“Dude, you could be doing something kinky with that wig and that dress and I still wouldn’t judge you. I’m just really not sure what’s happening.” Pete replied quietly, taking the cash from Joe and handing him the small box that he had ordered. “I wear eyeliner and flat iron my hair for crying out loud. I think you’re good.”
Joe nodded down at Pete and smiled slightly before closing the door, and Pete quickly hurried back to his car so he could add onto his list in the notes of his phone.
~six foot man-Umbridge bought a tiny-ass box of pizza, deep voice, named Joe
3) ‘Get A Real Car’
Pete pulled his pizza bag out of his car and walked up to the house, ringing the doorbell and trying to look friendly with his thick eyeliner and flat ironed fringe. The door opened to reveal a tall and willowy blonde, and she smiled slightly.
“Hi, pizza for Taylor Swift?” Pete asked with a flirty smile up at her, and she nodded excitedly.
“How much do I owe you?” Taylor said with a smile back down at him, pulling out her wallet to get her money out. Pete gave her the total and then handed her a receipt, taking the cash and watching as she filled it out.
“Enjoy your pizza.” Pete said, nodding at her once as she handed his receipt back with a smirk.
“Oh, I will.” Taylor replied, closing the door without another word directed towards him at all. The short man walked back to his car with the receipt in his hand, not looking at it until he got in the driver’s seat.
“Hey, that’s not very nice!” Pete frowned as he read the receipt, which now read ‘get a real car dude mazda sucks ass!’. He shook his head and stuffed the receipt into his pocket, quickly typing into his phone before speeding off.
~super hot blonde answered but told me to get a real car, mazda does NOT suck ass thank you very much
4) Blood Bathed Butcher
Pete crossed his arms as he waited for the door to open, having stood in the same spot for about five minutes. He had set the pizza down at this point, not sure whether to take the pizza and leave or continue waiting. Just as the black haired man decided that he would take the pizza and leave, the front door opened to reveal a tall, stubbled man covered in what looked like blood.
“What do you want?” The man asked, looking down at Pete with a raised eyebrow behind his nerd glasses, and Pete swallowed heavily.
“You ordered pizza?” He said, bending over and picking the pizza boxes up to hold them out. “Well, a man named Adam Levine did.”
“That’s me.” The blood covered man said, reaching out for the pizzas with a large butcher’s knife in one hand. Pete managed to get them into Adam’s arms before pulling his hands back, shaking his head slightly.
“Um, what are you waving a knife around for?” Pete asked in a timid voice, pointing at the large knife Adam was holding, and all he got was laughter in return. A bloodied wad of cash was stuffed into his hands, and Pete was left standing on the front stoop gaping at the black door.
“That was fucking weird.” He mumbled to himself, fixing the necessary hat on his head and slowly trudging back down the walkway to his car. As he stepped onto the driveway, a loud scream followed by a thud was heard from inside the house, and Pete booked it into his car.
“What the fuck is happening right now?” He asked himself, fumbling with his keys and almost dropping them once before he could finally get them into the ignition to start the car. The front door of the house slammed open, and Pete yelped in surprise as a large pig ran out of the house and down the road to where he was supposed to be going. While he was too busy watching the pig go, he didn’t notice Adam climbing into his car until the door slammed.
“Drive after that pig!” He yelled loudly, brandishing his butcher’s knife out to point at it, and Pete slammed his foot down onto the accelerator. Crazy or not, he wasn’t going to argue with somebody holding a giant knife that was probably sharp enough to kill him.
“What the hell is happening right now?” Pete screamed back as he drove through the streets of his town, trying to look out for the pig that he was apparently roped into catching.
“That pig escaped and Mrs. Johnson ordered bacon for her son’s birthday party tomorrow!” Adam said loudly, standing up and looking out the car window. He aimed and then threw the knife, hitting the large pig in the head and letting it go down. Pete stopped the car before he could accidentally run over Adam’s pig, and he sighed heavily.
“Please, get out.” Pete looked up at Adam, who simply nodded and climbed out of the car to fetch his dead pig. Looking at the blood staining his white leather car seats, the black haired pulled his phone out yet again to add to his ever growing list of strange people he delivered pizza to.
~dude answered with blood and a knife and then jumped into my car to chase and kill an escaped pig. w. t. f.
5) Obligatory Naked Man
Pete sighed heavily as he stood in front of his good friend Gabe Saporta’s house, wondering why exactly he had been requested to come bring Gabe his boxes of pizza and not the cute, blonde girl he had been flirting with last week. When the front door opened, however, Pete let out a loud groan and shielded his eyes.
“Hey Pete, how much do I owe you?” Gabe asked, pulling out his wallet and handing his friend the money. Pete just shook his head and took the money, handing over the pizza boxes and turning around.
“Gabriel Saporta, put your clothes back on.” Pete mumbled, stuffing the money in the correct pocket and sighing heavily.
“But William and I are having an orgy—”
“Goodbye Gabe.”
~gabe. fucking. saporta. i dont need to see your penis ever again
7) Doctor Who Cosplayers
Pete looked up at the small blue cottage in practically the middle of nowhere, not quite sure what to do as he knocked on the bright blue front door. He blinked once and then noticed a tall man with a tweed jacket and a bowtie standing in the doorway, a bright grin on his face.
“Oh look at this, we have a visitor Brendon!” The tall man said, grabbing onto Pete’s wrist and dragging him into what he saw was an extremely tiny living room.
“Why is the room square? Where is this Brendon?” Pete asked, still managing to hold onto the box of pizzas as he was dragged around the tiny room.
“He probably snuck away while I was opening the doors of the TARDIS for you.” The tall man replied, looking down at Pete with an extremely wide grin. “I’m the Doctor, pleasure to meet you.”
“What?” Pete replied, looking up at the tall man with a frown. “But the pizza order is for a Dallon Weekes.”
“Urie.” He corrected, tilting his head to the side so his floppy hair would go everywhere. “And that’s me. But just call me the Doctor. This is important.”
“Um…I guess.” Pete nodded his affirmative, and Dallon dragged him through a hidden door to the backyard. The short man looked around with wide eyes, seeing an intricate mess of trees, lights, and cardboard cutouts of strange looking machines that he assumed were a part of this cosplay he just randomly walked into.
“Brendon!” Dallon shouted out, motioning to Pete with their pizza boxes. “We have acquired the weapons needed!” Pete opened his mouth to ask what he meant, but then Dallon ripped a box open and started throwing pizza slices as the cardboard cutouts. The pizza delivery man watched quietly and confusedly as this ‘Brendon’ pushed cardboard cutouts down to the ground, making strange noises as if to have these creatures scream their deaths.
“Um, you need to pay for those.” Pete said, just to clarify, and Dallon nodded and handed Pete his wallet.
“Get out what I owe.” He mumbled, wandering over to Brendon and pulling him up onto his feet with wide eyes.
“You did it, Doctor.” Brendon whispered, still in the character he was supposed to be, but Pete didn’t bother to ask as they started to make out with ruined slices of pizza and messy cardboard cutouts laying at their feet in the long grass.
It took Pete ten minutes to navigate through the strange blue house to get out of the front door, having taken what he needed from Dallon and nothing else. The wallet was probably still on the ground of the backyard as he drove off.
He really fucking hated his job.
~im assuming doctor who cosplayers?? dont throw pizza at a cardboard cutout its not worth it dudes
+1) My Kind Of Town Man
Pete sighed heavily, getting the pizza boxes out of his car and walking up the driveway towards the small house. The front door was wide open, the smell of paint coming strong from the interior, but the black haired man refused to simply walk in to find the owner. Just before he rang the doorbell, a soft, sweet voice floated out from inside.
‘Now this could only happen to a guy like me
And only happen in a town like this
So may I say to each of you most gratefully
As I throw each one of you a kiss’
Pete let out a quiet gasp as he heard the voice singing, tilting his head to the side and looking around inside the house to see if he could find the owner of that voice. When a short, ginger haired man came into view, he was skeptical for a moment before he heard the song continue.
‘This is my kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of people, too
People who smile at you’
The black haired man watched as the song continued, completely enraptured by the other’s singing voice. It soon faltered when his finger pressed the doorbell, and the ginger startled before turning to face Pete in the doorway.
“Um, hello.” He mumbled timidly, making his way to the door, and Pete bit down on his bottom lip slightly.
“Hi, um…I’m Pete.” Pete blurted, shifting the pizza box in his arms to hold a hand out for the other.
“Patrick.” He replied, taking his hand and smiling shyly.
“Holy fuck you’re beautiful.” Pete mumbled, dropping the pizza box in his hand and stepping onto the tarp that was coming from inside. Patrick blushed a bright red as his blue eyed gaze ducked down, shrugging a shoulder slightly.
“Not really.” Patrick said, looking up at Pete through his blonde eyelashes, and that’s when Pete truly knew that he was fucked.
“How old are you, Patrick?” Pete said, loving the way Patrick’s name came off of his lips, and Patrick blushed slightly.
“Just turned nineteen, why?” He said, tilting his head enough that the fedora on top of his ginger head shifted.
“Good.” Pete said, leaning down and pressing his lips against Patrick’s.
Patrick leaned into Pete and wrapped his pale arms around the black haired man’s neck, smiling slightly as their lips moved together in very cliche, perfect harmony. Pete slowly backed Patrick up into the house, ignoring the paint fumes as he shut the front door behind him.
Yeah, he loved his job.
~met the most beautiful boy ive ever seen. think im gonna keep him hes perfect