Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

How did this happen?

Arthur wakes quite unlike himself. With no harsh sunlight nor any loud eerily cheery voice. If he didn’t know any better, Arthur might assume that he simply had awoken early. Before first light. Yes. Arthur might of assumed so, if not for the cold pressure on his back, or the chill in the air and the overall lack of comfort that he is used too. The blonde king blinks, eyes opening to see a dull grey. He sits up abruptly, wincing lightly. Turning to see what had caused his discomfort, only to be greeted by a small stone. One he has apparently been laying on. Arthur let his eyes dance around the room. No. Cave. Arthur let his eyes dance around the cave, adjusting to the lack of light.

“Oh look who decided to wake up” A voice called out from behind him. Turning towards the noise, Arthur was greeted to a familiar face. Or faces. Sitting around a rather small fire, sat friend and foe alike. “Sleep well, queenie?” Gwaine joked, eyes betraying his aloof demeanour. Cautiously taking a step towards the group. Arthur didn’t dignify his knight with a response. Focused entirely on who else was huddled around the fire.

There was; of course, Gwaine. His queen, Guinevere. Leon, one of his most trusted knights, Lancelot, another of his trusted people. Gaius, The court physician, Mordred, A newer knight bust a trusted one none the less. Much to his displeasure Morgana sat with them, Off to the side, isolated. Face a perfect mixture of rage and resentment. For the briefest moment their eyes met and Arthur could feel all his own inner turmoil readying itself to overflow. His attention was quickly captured to the only other figure, stood alone. With a straight back and cold eyes. Arthur felt his breath leave him.

It was impossible. It was wrong. His eyes flickered over his form, as if willing the apparition to disappear. To haunt him no more. Because the dead cannot come back to life, And Uther Pendragon was dead. No doubt about it. And yet, there he stood, breathing and living. Vaguely Arthur could hear chatter amongst his fellow captures. His brain paid them no mind. Focuses entirely on his father, His supposedly deceased father. The face that haunted his dreams and nightmares alike. He took another step.

Closer.

Closer.

And Closer still.

“How?” Arthur voiced, head turning. Mind spinning. There was one answer of course and if the scowl on Uther’s face was anything to go by, they both knew it. Magic. It had to be magic. Magic that brought them to this damp dark cavern. Magic that brought them the warm glow of the fire. Magic that brought his father back. Arthur turned around, hardly able to, look at his father’s face any longer. His heart hammered in his chest, uncomfortably. He felt lost and cold. Distantly he could feel the calming hands of his lovely wife on his own, Calling to him, trying to calm him. It was a rather unsuccessful attempt, as his mind, body and soul leant out of her reach. Looking for comfort, for security. As his entire being strained in longing for what he could not see. For what he did not have.

He could feel the others gather, Offering reassurance. Questioning the situation. Debating for an answer. Trying to figure out why. It was important, Arthur knew it was important but his ears were ringing and his mind was foggy. Something was missing. Something was wrong.

“Missed a party, have I?” the voice of Arthurs manservant called, playful but full of fear. Arthur snapped his attention towards him, Merlin. Merlin offered an awkward and warry smile. Arthur’s vision cleared, the sand that had previously been pouring through his ears fell through. With a crackle, his senses attacked him in full. Merlin and Arthur’s gaze met. Arthur let his eyes wander over his servants body in worry, Noting only the grime that clung to his clothing and skin alike. Not hurt then. Good. Arthur decidedly brought his full attention to the room.

“Merlin!” Gwaine called with a laugh, bringing the skinny boy into a hug. Merlin smiled back, eyes warily traveling to all the companions. “Where were you, then?” Lancelot asked, patting his friend on the shoulder as Gwaine let him go. “Don’t know, where are we now?” Merlin questioned instead. The question was left unanswered as Merlin’s eyes zeroed in on the two outliers of the group. “What are they doing here?” all of the boys previous cheers eradicated from his body. Morgana Raised her eyebrow at him, a quiet rage filling her heart. Arthur had never seen such a hate filled gaze. “I’d like to know the same” She answered with a snarl, standing straight up right. Uther stared down at Merlin with little emotion, wondering what on earth gave this servant the right to talk to his king like that. The staring contest between the two was broken apart only when Arthur placed a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. Their eyes met, silently communicating with each other. After just a couple minuets Merlin let his gaze drop to the floor. Gwen eyed the two friends, however she knew better than to ask. Sure that her husband would tell her if it was terribly important.

“Excuse me” Gaius called out, drawing the attention towards himself. The older man held tightly onto a peach of parchment, holding it up. “What’s that?” Mordred asked, speaking for the first time. “I was getting to that” Gaius explained, clearing his throat “It’s a letter of some sorts, practically filled with magic”. Uther stepped forward, snatching the latter from his friends hand. Reading it over and obviously not liking the contents. Uther’s rage showed on his face as he crumpled the letter and let it drop to the floor. The others watched him, hesitantly afraid of the fuming man. Morgana then picked up the letter, reading silently. Arthur felt slight annoyance build up as they continued to read it silently, not sharing any information. And if Morgana’s smirk was anything to go by then his letter could not be good. “You know, if you wouldn’t mind reading it aloud, we’d all like to hear it" Merlin muttered, crossing his arms defiantly. Arthur silently thanked Merlin for saying what he was thinking, with the letter now thrown towards him. Arthur cleared his voice to read out;

Welcome, Friends and Foes of Camelot.
I’m sure you have many questions and I hold many answers.
I fear that destiny has swerved off  the right path, in order to get everything back in place a little magic must be used.
Fear not, there is no lies or trickery.
There is no hurt here.
A place between realties, Between the present, the future and the past.
You have been chosen to see a great gift, Answers lie ahead of you.
The future is yours to grip.
Fear not and watch through the smoke as it will show you the truth.
I pray that you’ll find the answers you seek and be better for it.

Chapter Text

Merlin was not having a good day. From waking up to an unfamiliar space, seeing the dead and feeling a very deep disconnect from his magic, it was safe to say it was leading towards being one of the worst days of the servants life. He watched the group settle down near the fire, all vaguely intrigued to see what it would show. Even Uther was staring expectantly. A space left for him, right between Arthur and Gwaine.

Merlin would never admit how long it took for him to take his seat.

Even as the fire flickered, and his companions muttered about the heat. Merlin remained cold. Dread pooling into every crevasse of his very soul. He knew without a doubt that he was not leaving the with his secret still intact. The thought scared him more than ever before.

A raven haired boy walked through the countryside. Heading Towards Camelot.

The group watched the young boy in the smoke, recognising him almost immediately. Gwaine grinned, clapping his hand on Merlin’s shoulder “Well would you look at that!”. Merlin turned his head in question, “You’re famous” Gwaine joked. Merlin felt some of the tension seep out of his shoulders, laughing along lightly with his friend.

KILGHARRAH: No young man, no matter how great, can know his destiny. He cannot glimpse his part in the great story that is about to unfold. Like everyone, he must live and learn. And so it will be for the young warlock arriving at the gates of Camelot. A boy that will, in time, father the legend. His name: Merlin.

“What does that mean?” Arthur asked and Merlin wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and disappear. He could do without the sneers and the taunts from Morgana as well. “Yeah, merlin, What does it mean?” Her voice was vicious as was her stare, Merlin clenched his hands into fists. Silently willing everything away. “Fuck if I know” Merlin muttered bitterly, kicking the dust under his feet towards the fire. Arthur glanced at his friend in worry, eyes going between him and his youthful self in the fire.

 Uther on the other hand was now on edge, He knew that voice. Of course he did. Nobody just forgets the what the last of the dragons sounds like, especially if that man is the one who imprisoned him. He eyed the servant boy suspiciously.

With one last glance back towards where he came from, Merlin felt deep in his soul that he would not be coming back.

“You look so…” Arthur trailed off, trying to find the words to explain. How do you explain to someone that they look worn out, lost, jaded and rough. The Merlin that sat next to him was no doubt his friend. His closest friend. The merlin next to him was also someone he doesn’t really recognise, Like a man that has lived far past his lifetime. Not just tired, He looked exhausted. How do you explain to someone that they look like a corpse without offending them.  “Young” Gwen finished for her husband, a hand coming to rest on his own “You look so much younger”. A silence rang out, somehow telling them nothing. “Yeah well, it was a long time ago” Merlin shrugged, a slow grin kreeping on his face “Are you saying I look like an old man now, your majesty?”. Merlin teased and Gwen flushed, shaking her head and stumbling on her words to get an explanation out. But Arthur wasn’t listening. No. Arthur was staring into Merlin’s eyes and all he could think was

‘yes’.

Merlin looked old. Merlin had a glaze in his eyes that even the oldest and most regretful knights failed to have. Somewhere along the way Merlin had aged tremendously. How had he not noticed that before?

Merlin entered Camelot, taking in all the new sights with a wide eyed look. Trailing from food stalls, to the common people walking to and frow. Everything was just so new to him, Everything was just so different. Somehow everything seemed so much livelier here. Merlin walks forwards to join a crowd.

The knights laughed openly at the wonder on their friends younger face. Merlin tried to laugh along with them but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, knowing what was to come and knowing nothing he could do or say would stop it.

 There was a stage made of wood and lots of noise all around him, for all of his height Merlin could only just about make out the face of Camelot’s king.

Merlin heard  everyone around him suck in a breath, obviously recognising what was about to happen. He could practically feel the pity resonating from both Lancelot and Mordred. Merlin however was a coward so he would not meet his gaze.

UTHER: Let this serve as a lesson to all. This man, Thomas James Collins, is adjudged guilty of conspiring to use enchantments and magic. And, pursuant to the laws of Camelot, I, Uther Pendragon, have decreed that such practices are banned on penalty of death. I pride myself as a fair and just king, but for the crime of sorcery, there is but one sentence I can pass.

Morgana turned away from the fire, a look in her eyes that was so familiar. It made Merlin Ache for the girl she was, the girl she could still be. If only he hadn’t happened, if only he’s never of met her. Merlin felt something ugly settle in his stomach. He ruined everything he touched and he could only ever be sorry for it.

Merlin’s eyes were transfixed on the man that shared the stage with Uther. He watched as the blade came down, never tearing his eyes away from the sight even as others around him did. He watched everything expression on the poor mans face, saw the anguish and the fear. The man, Thomas Collins was beheaded.

Gwen sucked in a breath, hiding her face in her husbands shoulder. Arthur kept his back straight as he offered her silent comfort that he wasn’t truly capable of giving. There was a heaviness to his gaze. Nobody spoke as they watched the man die, nobody knew him well enough to grieve. The only man in the circle that seemed the slightest bit happy was the former king. Pleased to see himself deal with the sorcerer.

“Warm welcome, huh” Merlin joked, sarcasm dripped from his voice. Uther eyes honed in on him, Sharp and lethal “Watch your tone boy!”. “Oh shut up, you’re already dead” Nobody expected those words to leave Merlin’s mouth. Not even merlin himself. Uther was shocked into a silent rage, Morgana finally looked towards him although she didn’t really see him. The resentment clear in n her eyes. Merlin almost regretted his words when Arthur stared at him, as if he didn’t even recognise him as if he was in any way shape or form wrong. Almost.

UTHER: When I came to this land, this kingdom was mired in chaos, but with the people's help magic was driven from the realm. So I declare a festival to celebrate twenty years since the Great Dragon was captured and Camelot freed from the evil of sorcery. Let the celebrations begin.

MARY COLLINS: There is only one evil in this land, and it is not magic! It is you! With your hatred and your ignorance! You took my son! And I promise you, before these celebrations are over, you will share my tears. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a son for a son.

Merlin ignored the stinging in his heart, her words- no her screams of anguish resonating deep inside him. Merlin ignored the part of him that agreed with her. “He had a family” Morgana spit out, glaring at Uther, in such a way it seemed that he was about to die again. Uther snarled back “They were sorcerers, evil incarnate, I did everyone a favour by getting rid of them”. And Merlin found that the worst part was that he truly did believe it. Gaius stared at his old friend, feeling that for once, just maybe, he was too far gone.

UTHER: Seize her!

MARY COLLINS Chanted a spell and disappeared in a whirlwind not unlike the chaos she left behind.

The group of knights watched the display of magic, with magic being outlawed it was uncommon to see such a sight.

Merlin entered the palace with his head down and turned towards a guard. Not bothering with any more sightseeing, simply wanting to move on and forget. But that poor mans face never left his mind.

MERLIN: Where would I find Gaius, the- the court physician?

Merlin felt the coldness sink deeper into his bones, he knew what was coming. He knew that really there wasn’t much at risk, nobody could hurt each other here, nobody could kill him or maim him or lock him up. He was not going to burn…

But then again death had never been the thing that fuelled his fear.

The Guard pointed Merlin in the right direction. The blue eyed boy walked up the steps at a brisk pace, stopping only to knock on the door. He didn’t wait for an answer and peeked his head inside.

“You know that defeats the purpose of knocking, right?” Arthur scolded playfully. Merlin didn’t have the heart to answer back, this was wrong. This was all so wrong. Merlin was convinced he would take his secret to the grave. The thumping of his heart was overpowering. Overbearing. Dulling out everything around him except from him and the screen and the truth. Merlin wanted to run and run far.
Run fast.
He wanted to run and run and never stop running because if he stopped, even if only for a second then it would overtake him. Everything he’d done, all the lives he’d taken would be for naught and all merlin would be left with would be ruin and regret. He couldn’t stop his flinch when Arthurs hand connected with his shoulder, a gesture meant to reassure. A sign of concern. Merlin looked into his kings eyes and saw so much trust that he almost wanted to cry.  The gesture was meant to comfort him but it only made his skin crawl, He could practically feel the blood on his hands. He could feel every sin he’d ever committed pressing into him. Becoming him.

Maybe he deserved to feel this pain.

MERLIN: Hello?

Merlin enters the chambers, looking around. The boy clears his throat.

MERLIN: Hello? Gaius?

Merlin wasn’t ready. He felt a burning in his throat and a tight knot in his chest, all the cold had been replaced with a harsh burning in his body. Bile rising as he blinked to clear his eyes, to focus his mind. Everything inside him screamed and wailed. Begging this to be a nightmare.

Gaius tripped, his body falling backwards at such a fast speed. Smashing straight through the railings that were there for support. The older man started the plumit towards the ground.

A gasp rang out from Gwen. Despite knowing Gaius was well and alive, every set of eyes turned towards the man. Even if only to validate what they already know. Leon opened his mouth a question on his lips but the words died before they could come out and the fire continued to unravel the events of the past. Taking bits and pieces of Merlin’s soul with it.

Chapter Text

Merlin’s eyes widened in fear before they flashed a brilliant and bright shade of gold. Time slowed around him, hand held out. With little to no thought, Merlin’s magic swiftly moved a mattress under the man before he could collide. Gaius hit the bed. Gaius lived.

Merlin felt like he’d been doused by cold water, an uncomfortable sense of clarity filled him. No longer jittery or frightened, he simply was. All the buzzing and fear that had once filled his head was gone in an instance leaving only a stark feeling of loneliness. Merlin couldn’t tear his eyes away from the flames.

Nobody moved.

Until, of course, they did.

All it took was a chocked sound from Gwen and the area descended into chaos. Flares of anger and Betrayal attacked at all sides as bitterness reared it’s ugly head. Merlin knew Lancelot was stood in front of him now, with a protective stance and a hand rested on his hip. Where his sword would have been, if he had it. Merlin didn’t flinch when Gwaine reared away from him as if he’d been burned. Merlin didn’t listen as Morgana let out a watery, bitter laugh. Merlin didn’t care when Uther sneered and spat his way. Merlin couldn’t bring himself to look at Mordred and his all too understanding eyes, filled with pity and sympathy. A cruel part of him wanted to stare the boy down, to tell him to take his pity and shove it because if his secret was exposed then his would be too. He didn’t do that though. Merlin didn’t do anything.

Merlin didn’t even try to defend Gaius as Uther threw Accusations and claims of treachery at the older man. Merlin felt like a piece of him had just died. A very large and very integral piece of him. Arthur was silent, and maybe that hurt just as much as any anger could of. Maybe that hurt worse than any blade at his neck.

GAIUS: What did you just do?

Morgana sat, willing her tears to go away. Because it just made so much sense. Merlin and Magic. Merlin having magic. Merlin the traitor, Merlin who tried to kill her. Apparently the only one who could of understood her and yet he didn’t did he? No. A resentment that she didn’t even know she was capable off filled her, every part of her screaming that Merlin deserved to suffer.

Gwen looked desperately between the fire and her friend. Well, she thought they were friends. How could they be? When Merlin had been a liar. A traitor. Magic had ripped apart her family, taken her father and threatened her kingdom constantly. Every image that she had of Merlin counteracted that. Merlin was meant to be her friend, he was meant to be good. Clearly he wasn’t. The girl took a glance at her husband, her poor husband, knowing that this must be difficult for him. As the queen of Camelot it is her place to make difficult decisions when her husband is incapable. Looks like this will have to be one of those times. Gwen clenched her jaw and sat straighter, eyeing the traitor. She’d keep an eye on him at least until they get back home and then… and then what?

MERLIN: Erm...                                    

Arthur closed his eyes watching the much younger version of his friend stumble over his words. Instead he decided to focus on the much older version, the very real threat. Arthur watched Merlin, His posture curled up, eyes glazed, not uttering a word of defence or offering any resistance as abuse was hurled at him. Arthur knew that without Lancelot there standing like a wall between Merlin and everyone else then Merlin wouldn’t of defended himself from an attack. Or maybe he would. Arthur wondered if he even knew merlin at all because by all accounts Merlin- His Merlin would never of had magic. Merlin would know better. Arthur had trusted him to know better.

Despite what many would say Arthur was not an idiot. Not fully. Not always. He knew that the Merlin he’s come to know wasn’t all a fabrication. He’d just ignored all the signs, the reluctance to talk on magic, the days he spent missing, the wounds that he never explained. Arthur couldn’t even bring himself to be angry. All Arthur felt was sad, really sad. The sadness that comes with losing a piece of your soul. Somehow the king found his voice “All this time?”.

Merlin shuttered, dazed eyes met pained eyes. The first time Merlin had lifted his head since the scene was shown. Staring into his face Arthur could see everything, the regret, the lies, the care. “I’m sorry” Merlin’s voiced cracked slightly as he forced his sentence out, looking every bit as pathetic as he sounded. “I’m sorry too” Arthur’s eyes didn’t look away as Merlin’s did. The Raven haired manservant clenched his hand taking in a large breath. Steeling himself to continue, forcing himself to be stronger.

GAIUS: Tell me!

Gaius winced at his tone of voice, at the time it hadn’t seemed too aggressive but looking back at it. Looking and seeing the fear in the youngsters face as this man yelled at him after just watching an execution… it must have been terrifying.

MERLIN: I- I- I have no idea what happened.

Gwaine snorted, feeling more than a little bit bitter about his friend’s lying ways. He’d told him stuff that he’d never told anyone, he’d trusted him. His first friend. He had thought that it was mutual.

GAIUS: If anyone had seen that...

MERLIN: Er, no! That- that was, that was nothing to do with me. That- that was...

“merlin, how on earth did you live if you are this atrocious at lying?” Lancelot asked, a small smile on his face. He nudged the boy in the shoulder, hoping to lighten the mood and comfort his friend. Merlin grinned up at him but Lancelot could tell that it wasn’t real. His attempt was not successful at all.

GAIUS: I know what it was! I just want to know where you learned how to do it!

MERLIN: Nowhere.

GAIUS: So how is it you know magic?

MERLIN: I don't.

Morgana scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. Uther glared dangerously at the young boy, seemingly intending to kill him with his eyes alone.

GAIUS: Where did you study?... Answer me!

MERLIN: I- I've never studied magic or, or been taught.

GAIUS: Are you lying to me, boy?

Gaius at his accusation, remembering how frazzled he, himself had been in this meeting.  His wards eye’s locked on his. Gaius hoped beyond hope that the apology was clear. Merlin shook his head lightly as if to tell Gaius to stop being an old fool and that it was okay.

MERLIN: What do you want me to say?

Mordred frowned at Merlin’s voice, it was stressed and frantic. Obviously filled with fear. It was strange, seeing the man who the druids had told stories about. The most powerful, Emrys. Seeing him now and in the memories, Mordred can’t help the chilling disappointment that settles in his heart. Emrys was supposed to  be strong and smart and incredibly capable, Emrys had to being magic back to the land. Emrys was meant to be untouchable. However seeing him now made his mind sing sadly, Emrys was so uncomfortably human.

GAIUS: The truth!

MERLIN: I was born like this!

Many sucked in a breath at that. “Is that possible?” Surprisingly it was Leon who asked this. Unsurprisingly it was filled with a heavy amount of suspicion and guilt. Leon had been mostly silent this whole time, trying to asses what the threat that pretended to be his friend was thinking. He’d been a knight for a very long time and had killed many a magic user. Never even stopping to think about where they got their magic from.

When nobody answered Arthur scowled “well?”. He sounded impatient and almost desperate as if needing it to be true, or needing it to be a lie. Leon found it difficult to tell. “Of course it isn’t” Uther started with shifty eyes, rage pooling into each word. “Yes” Gaius cut him off. All eyes snapped to him “y-yes”. Gaius repeated “It is very rare but it is possible for children to be born with magic”. The implications washed the room in a sense of dread and a heavy blanket of sorrow.

GAIUS: That's impossible! Who are you?

“I thought you said it was possible!” a frustrated Gwaine. Gaius put a hand up “It is!”. Arthur raised his eyebrow at the old man, commanding him to continue without words. “Just most times people that are born with magic don’t show any signs until later in life and they still must learn how to use their magic” Gaius explained “Merlin is… special”. The group took the information in, ignoring Merlin’s scoff at the word choice.

MERLIN: Oh, erm...

Merlin pulled his backpack off his back and started to hastily look through it.

MERLIN: I have this letter.

The boy pulled out a letter, crumpling it slightly int the process. He handed the letter to Gaius and looked expectantly.

GAIUS: I- I don't have my glasses.

MERLIN: I'm Merlin.

GAIUS: Hunith's son?

“Do you know his mother?” Gwen asked, although she still felt the betrayal like an open would, she couldn’t deny that she was curious. ‘Know thy enemy’ plus Gwen had met the women once, she was a lovely lady. “Ah yes” Gaius didn’t offer up any other information and Merlin didn’t seem too keen on talking.

MERLIN: Yes!

GAIUS: But you're not meant to be here till Wednesday!

MERLIN: It is Wednesday.

Mordred stifled a laugh at the look on Emrys face. The others in the circle turned to look at him, he cleared his throat lightly. Pretending it had just been a cough. Th atmosphere was tense still, not the time to be joking or laughing or… must of anything he supposed. Only walling in sadness.

GAIUS: Ah, right then. You better put your bag in there.

MERLIN: You- you won't say anything about, erm...

GAIUS: No. Although, Merlin, I should say thank you.

“You” Uther scowled at his old friend “Harboured an sorcerer right under my nose, I trusted you!”. Gaius didn’t back down from this fight “he saved my life, merlin is a good kind, magic or not, Merlin wouldn’t hurt anyone”. The way he said it with such certainty hurt the boy inside. Knowing how much blood is on his hands, how many deaths he’d caused. How they’d see them all. Merlin tried not to choke on his feelings. “Oh yeah? He’s a sorcerer, they’re all evil” Uther said determinedly, pointing a crocked finger at the gangly warlock “Magic corrupts, that boy is no exception”.  

Merlin never thought he’d live to see the day where he was agreeing with Uther Pendragon of all people. Merlin ignored Arthurs questioning eyes.

Merlin walked up to his new room. Taking in the small area, he had his own bed, he had a desk, he had a window, he had a whole new life ahead of him. Merlin dropped his back to the floor and walked over to the window. Looking out at the beautiful sight that was Camelot.

Gwaine whistled “That is one nice view”. Nobody disagreed because it was a nice view, a very nice view actually. Morgana frowned thinking that it was probably better than her old view in her old room.

HUNITH:
My dear Gaius, I turn to you for I feel lost and alone and don't know who to trust. It is every mother's fate to think her child is special, and yet I would give my life that Merlin were not so. Ours is a small village and he is so clearly at odds with people here that, if he were to remain, I fear what would become of him. He needs a hand to hold, a voice to guide, someone that might help him find a purpose for his gifts. I beg you, if you understand a mother's love for her son, keep him safe, and may God save you both.

Merlin frowned, he hadn’t read the letter. His mother had forbidden it. However he couldn’t help but feel like she was wrong, Merlin may not be entirely happy with his life and he may have to hide away and he may be in constant fear to the point of paranoia but…

Merlin couldn’t bring himself to ever want to be rid of his magic. It was part of who he was. Part of the very complicated mess that made up everything that made Merlin, Merlin. Without it… he doesn’t know who he’d be. Different? Yes. Happier? Maybe. But he wouldn’t be himself, he’d be someone else. A stranger. Merlin couldn’t bring himself to regret coming to Camelot either. Meeting his friends, protecting the kingdom, Arthur. It was all worth it. If he had to do it again, he doesn’t know if he’d do anything differently. Even as the blood on his hands, scares him to death and sinks deep into his life. It was worth it.

A beautiful girl with raven hair stared out of a familiar window.

UTHER: Morgana.

MORGANA: Yes?

UTHER: What is this? Why are you not joining us at the feast?

MORGANA: I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother.

Gwaine had an almost laughable expression, glancing from the past Morgana to the one sat in the room with them. Merlin thought It was understandable, he’d never been there when Morgana was sweet and talented and… good. Morgana was good. Before him. Before he ruined her.

Yes. Gwaine’s disbelief was understandable.

UTHER: It was simple justice for what he'd done.

MORGANA: To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone.

If Merlin was being honest with himself, he really had no idea what the sorcerer did do. How he was caught, what he was doing with his magic, what his crime really was, nothing. Merlin knew absolutely nothing about this man, he’d never even looked into. Not even listening to idle whispers about the execution left lingering for weeks after the young mans death. He didn’t particularly know why he didn’t ask, He still doesn’t particularly think he wants to know. Something inside Merlin aches at the revelation.

Morgana can’t seem to draw her eyes away from her past self, bringing attention to something nasty rotting inside her ribcage. Settling her with a strong hostility that she’d hadn’t felt in years. Back when she was young and naive. Stupid. Before she was forced to learn, to evolve. She was better now, She understood now.

UTHER: You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like.

MORGANA: How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?

UTHER: Until they realise there is no room for magic in my kingdom! You will be with me when I greet Lady Helen.

MORGANA: I told you! I want no part in these celebrations!

UTHER: I'm your guardian! I expect you to do as I ask. If you show me no respect at least respect our finest singer.

MORGANA: You know, the more brutal you are, the more enemies you will create!

His wife’s hand tightened around his as she mourned the loss of her friend. Practically begging her grip to ground her, to be her rock. To stabilise her so she does not lose herself. Arthur barely even feels it, his heart similarly torn by the display before him. Longing for the past in a way he’d forgotten how to do. Except Arthur didn’t have the luxury to indulge in his feelings. He was a king above all else and kings do not linger in regret. Not this one. So Arthur did as any king should. He held his wife’s hand and brought her back from despair, ignoring his own despair creeping up his spine.

Chapter Text

A group of tents are set up in the woods. Lady Helen sits inside her tent, humming away a dainty tune. A noise is heard, the lady gasps eyes dancing around the room for an explanation.

LADY HELEN: Hello? Gregory?

GREGORY: Lady Helen.

“The singer?” Lancelot asked, it was difficult watching the past. Knowing nothing he could do or say would change the course of events. Nobody answered him, all far too interested in watching the flames. Lancelot sighed to himself, all he wanted was to be there for his friend, knowing tis must be incredibly difficult for the boy. Their reactions to Merlin’s magic was not exactly what he’d imaged they’d be. He felt a strange gnawing in his stomach as he realised Merlin’s biggest fear had come true.

 The truth was out and nothing was the same.

LADY HELEN: Is all well?

GREGORY: Yes, ma'am. With luck, we should reach Camelot late tomorrow.

LADY HELEN: That's good.

GREGORY: I'll be outside if you need me.

“I don’t have a good feeling about this” Gwen muttered. Arthur bit back a retort, idling thinking of all the times Merlin said the same thing. He was almost always right, of course. Must have been the magic. Arthur grimaced at the thought.

Gregory exits the tent. Almost as soon as he was outside, there was a sound. The man quickly drew his sword.

GREGORY: Who's there? Who's there?

MARY COLLINS: Akwele seo magdp. Akwele seo magdp. Akwele seo magdp.

The sorcerer stabs Lady Helen, killing her in an instant.

Several people flinch at the death. Uther scowls “This is the evil of sorcery”. Morgana glares at him “You murdered her son!”, outrage leaks into every word. Uther glares right back at his daughter “he was a sorcerer! Everyone knows the laws”. Morgana’s glare doesn’t faulter, reminding herself why she is so glad that Uther died.

MARY COLLINS: Ghefrolinz grimpoxin kouata.

Mary transforms. Everything about her morphing and changing until she looked exactly like Lady Helen. A perfect clone of the dead woman.

Gaius stares at the flames, the powers of magic were strong. However they could do great evils in the wrong hands. Not for the first time, he was filled with a sense of relief that Merlin was who we was. A kind soul.

KILGHARRAH: Merlin... Merlin...

The voice startles Merlin awake. He groggily looks around, finding nothing out of the ordinary, he walks into the Physicians chambers.

“What was that?” Lancelot asked Merlin. The attention shifting towards the boy. In all honesty Merlin didn’t feel like explaining, everything was going to be shown anyways. Any sense of safety or comfort he’d felt in his life was gone now. “Just watch” Merlin couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice. This was cruel, taking everything that was his and showing it against his will. Arthur frowned, wondering how much the man he trusted most was keeping.

GAIUS: I got you water. You didn't wash last night.

MERLIN: Sorry.

GAIUS: Help yourself to breakfast.

Merlin sits at the table as Gaius puts a bowel of water porridge Infront of him.

Gwen scrunched her nose at his food. She was not oblivious to the piglets of the poorer, herself once a servant. However even she had better. Her eyes scanned both Gaius and Merlin in the room with them. Notting that perhaps Gaius needed a pay rise. Many people looked at the food unhappily, it didn’t look worth eating.

 As Merlin is distracted Gaius knocks over the bucket of water that was on the table. Merlin stands quickly, stopping the bucket in the air. Gaius gasps, the two make eye contact. The bucket falls to the floor, water spilling everywhere.

Mordred awed at the display of power, reminding himself that this was in fact ‘Emrys’. Nobody could ever possibly compare to all that strength. Morgana looked shocked, eyes dancing between the past and present Merlin.

GAIUS: How did you do that? Did you incant a spell in your mind?

MERLIN: I don't know any spells.

GAIUS: So what did you do? There must be something.

GAIUS: How did you do that? Did you incant a spell in your mind?

MERLIN: I don't know any spells.

GAIUS: So what did you do? There must be something.

Gaius’s mouth flickered downwards at his own questioning, distantly thinking he’d come across a little too hostile.

MERLIN: It just happens.

Merlin grabs a mop and starts to clean.

GAIUS: Well, we better keep you out of trouble. You can help me until I find some paid work for you. Here.

Gwaine laughed quickly. It was a funny thought, Merlin and trouble just seemed to go hand in hand. Arthur also fought a smile, knowing full well that Merlin couldn’t keep himself from running head first into trouble if his life depended on it. As quickly as the thought entered his mind, the smile vanished. His life did depend on it.

Giaus places a small sac on the table, followed closely by a bottle.

GAIUS: Hollyhock and Feverfew for Lady Percival, and this is for Sir Olwin. He's as blind as a weevil, so warn him not to take it all at once.

MERLIN: Okay

GAIUS: And here.

Merlin smiled as Gaius handed him a sandwich, clearly much happier with this meal.

Gwen once again scanned Merlin, He was very skinny. Almost uncomfortably so. Her mind wandred back to a time when they were closer. Fighting together for his home. Perhaps his seemingly simple sandwich was the best food he’d had in a long while. The queen tried not to let t affect her too much.

GAIUS: Off you go. And Merlin, I need hardly tell you that the practice of any form of enchantments will get you killed.

Lancelot frowns at the reminder of the very real threat to his friends life. Gwaine does too, despite himself, he might be feeling a little hurt by the secrets but he certainly doesn’t want Merlin to die. Unknown to him, others in the room where following a similar train of thought.

Merlin happily eats his sandwich as he walks down the Physicians corridor. He walks through the square until he arrives at a door. Merlin starts Knocking and an old man opens, squinting.

MERLIN: Erm, I brought you your medicine.

Sir Olwin tips the bottle back, downing it.

MERLIN: Oh, and Gaius said don't drink it all at...

The man quickly finished the drink.

MERLIN: I'm sure it's fine.

Gaius sighed, dramatically, running a hand down his face. “Merlin” His tone was exasperated but undeniably fond, Th boy in question could only shoot a awkward smile back at him.

Merlin crosses into the training ground. A couple meters in front of him stood, a very young prince Arthur and few others.

ARTHUR: Where's the target?

Arthur groans quietly, knowing the events that were about to occur. He’s replayed it many times over the course of his friendship with the raven haired boy. Merlin smiled a little, glad to see his king so young, even if he was being a huge prick. It was a sort of endearing quality that Merlin is glad never fully faded. He’s glad Arthur wasn’t too much of a prat anymore too.

Arthur’s knight friends laugh.

MORRIS: There, Sir?

ARTHUR: It's into the sun?

MORRIS: But, it's not that bright.

ARTHUR: A bit like you, then?

Gwaine frowned at the young prince. “Nobles” Gwaine scoffed. Although he knows that Arthur gets better, obviously otherwise he wouldn’t be one of his knights, but it’s still not a sight he likes too see. Gwen shakes her head at the actions of her future husband, thankful that he’d changed over time.

MORRIS: I'll put the target on the other end, shall I, Sir?

Morris, the serving boy, picks up the target. He starts to carry it towards the wall.

KNIGHT #1: Teach him a lesson. Go on, boy.

ARTHUR: This'll teach him.

KNIGHT #2: Yeah.

Being a knight was very important to Leon and one of the first things about being a knight is that you don’t abuse that power. You are supposed to protect  those weaker than you. Leon frowns, settling to remember these knights faces. If they’re still around then Leon will be giving them a very long lecture on knighthood and honour.

KNIGHT #1: Haha. Teach him a lesson.

Arthur throws a dagger at the target, ignoring Morris’s attempts to move it.

“Arthur!” Gaius scolds the young king. Arthur has the decency to look sheepish, turning away from the fire. “Please tell me you apologised” Gaius muttered. At Arthurs lack of response, Gaius rubbed his temple.

MORRIS: Hey! Hang on!

ARTHUR: Don't stop!

Morris takes a few steps back, frightened.

MORRIS: Here?

Guinevere is looking out and below. She shakes her head at the scene, moving the curtain back from the window to get a clearer view.

ARTHUR: I told you to keep moving!

Morgana rolls her eyes at her brother, disappointed but not surprised. She knew exactly the type of boy he was, she’d been there as he grew. They’d grown together. Somewhere along the way that stopped being important to her, she doesn’t even remember when.

Arthur throws another dagger at the target.

ARTHUR: Come on! Run!

Morris tries to move, carrying the target like a shield, as Arthur throws daggers at the boy.

ARTHUR: Do you want some moving target practice?

Morris drops the target, it rolls away from him. Straight to Merlin’s feet. Merlin placed a foot on it to prevent the servant from picking it back up.

MERLIN: Hey, come on, that's enough.

“Yeah, you tell him, Merlin” Gwaine approved, shocking the blue eyed boy. He was under the impression that Gwaine was seriously angry at him, however the bearded man just shuffled slightly closer to him. Merlin dreaded the hope that flared inside his chest.

ARTHUR: What?

MERLIN: You've had your fun, my friend.

Uther wondered why he wasn’t informed about this, the blatant disrespect should of landed the boy a month in the cells at the least. His eyes take in the form of the dangerous sorcerer, angry at himself for allowing such a creature to reside in his castle. In his kingdom.

ARTHUR: Do I know you?

MERLIN: Er, I'm Merlin.

Merlin holds out his hand for a handshake, a polite greeting. The prince ignores the hand, leaving it lingering awkwardly.

Lancelot smiles, Merlin really was a wonderful bloke. Even before he knew about the magic, there was certain charm to his ways and it was clear to see that it wasn’t a recent thing. He’d always been special. Merlin looked at him questionably, Lancelot didn’t say anything to him though. Choosing instead deciding to clasp him on the shoulder, hoping it provides a sense of comfort.

ARTHUR: So I don't know you.

MERLIN: No.

ARTHUR: Yet you called me "friend."

MERLIN: That was my mistake.

ARTHUR: Yes, I think so.

MERLIN: Yeah. I'd never have a friend who could be such an ass.

Gwaine whistles loudly, an almost feral grin gracing his face. This is why they were friends, Merlin was magnetic. He was funny and sharp, everything that Gwaine wanted in a friend. Gwaine smiled to himself, magic or not, Merlin was his friend. Even if he was keeping stuff, that was okay, Gwaine could deal with it. Or… he could just annoy the answers out of him.

Arthur struggled to restrain a smile, this was the beginning and yet… The smile faded as he remembered the problem. The magic. Magic corrupts and that is something that Arthur had never and would never wish on anyone. Let alone Merlin.

But…

If he was born with it. Did that change anything? Did that make it any different? Maybe it only corrupts if they choose to learn it. Maybe Merlin is safe. Or maybe if magic doesn’t corrupt. Well.. Arthur doesn’t know what he’d do.

Merlin starts to walk away, clearly wanting the conversation to be finished.

ARTHUR: Or I one who could be so stupid.

Merlin stops.

ARTHUR: Tell me, Merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees?

Leon bites back a laugh, The other knights not so much. Merlin can feel his ears heat up, as he went over the princes words in his head. Arthur was having a similar problem as Gwen raised an eyebrow at him. Silently teasing, Arthur shook his head “I didn’t- You know”. Oh and they did know. Even Morgana looked mildly amused before she remembered herself, setting a deep scowl back over her features.

This was nice. This felt normal. Merlin liked this. He let himself relax only slightly. Taking comfort in his friends light-heartedness.

MERLIN: No.

ARTHUR: Would you like me to help you?

ARTHUR: I'll have you thrown in jail for that.

MERLIN: What, who do you think you are? The King?

Arthur failed to hide his fond smile from everyone’s prying gaze. Seeing the Merlin that he’d met what felt like lifetimes ago was messing with his heart. Not that it was really anyone’s business the plights of his heart, so the king ignored Gwen’s questioning eyes. Choosing instead to wonder again what exactly had taken that smile from his friend.  Oh… friend. Was that right? How could it be? Knowing that Merlin had magic, of all things.

ARTHUR: No. I'm his son, Arthur.

Arthur swings his leg, taking Merlin out at the knees. He crashes to the floor.

The guards escort Merlin through a stair well, roughly throwing him down inside a cell. Before promptly locking it and walking away.

Mordred, for one, was mortified. Mulling over questions of prophecy’s and destiny, how could this be them? The once and future king and Emrys, of all people. Actually fighting. Why did no one else find this strange?! The youngest knight trained his eyes on his brothers in arms. Or more specifically, Leon. The first knight, Already a knight by the time of this incident. He didn’t look even slightly surprised or disturbed. Now Mordred is not an idiot, he knows of the odd friendship between the king and his manservant but… They’d only just met. This was their very first meeting!

It was difficult, really. To remember a time before Merlin was in Camelot. Even for Leon who was actually there, he’d lived it. Leon had lived years without Merlin and had no struggle in doing so at all but now? Now it was hard to imagine. Merlin wasn’t just anyone, he was the King’s Manservant. The king’s only servant. That just wasn’t done. Not before Merlin, Kings would need more servants, at least four or five but not Arthur. No. Arthur only needed Merlin. Leon’s eyes flicker towards the boy in question. Not just Arthur.
Merlin was everywhere.
 He’d interacted with so many people, changed so many things over his years in service to Camelot. Not even Leon, himself had been spared from his impact. No matter where you’d walk in the place, there would be some trace of the lanky boy. Leon let his thoughts spiral, if Uther was right. If magic was evil. If Merlin was evil then… he doesn’t know how Camelot would recover.

Chapter Text

Mary Collins, Disguied as Lady Helen, Rode across a drawbridge into the square. A puddle of water, shimmers, Showing off Lady Helens true reflection. Oblivious, the woman walks into the throne room. Coming face to face with King Uther and some other court members.

UTHER: Lady Helen. Thank you so much for coming to sing at our celebrations.

HELEN: The pleasure's all mine.

UTHER: How was your journey?

HELEN : Oh, the time it took, Sire.

Uther raises her hand to his lips.

Arthur can’t help but cringe at the affection, Morgana was not much better. The very idea of their father being romantically involved ever made them shiver in vague disgust.

UTHER: Well, it's always worth the wait.

HELEN: It will be.

Gwaine raised an eyebrow at the obviousness of this women “Seriously?”. “What?” Arthur questioned shaking off the strange encounter. “Did you even hear her? She’s not subtle in the slightest” Gwaine let out a disbelieving laugh. The others in the room shifted, uncomfortable but not disagreeing. “Yes, well Camelot was never filled with the most observant people” Merlin drawled, eyes still dark. Uther scowled openly, barely holding back from snarling at the sorcerer. Lancellot couldn’t help but smile at the small trace of his friend broke through, He’s been far too silent recently. It was unsettling.

Merlin wakes up abruptly, straw sticking out of his hair. The boy looks around for the voice that startled him, finding only the dungeons walls around him.

KILGHARRAH: Merlin... Merlin...

Merlin frowns, as the voice calls again. He gets up and quickly backs away, staring at the floor questionably.

Many people turn there heads to the boy in the cave. “Are you sure that you don’t have any mental afflictions?” Uther asks, no concern to be found. Merlin turned his head away, refusing to make eye contact “No. I don’t…”. A few seconds of silence pass between them. “Probably” Merlin adds quietly.

KILGHARRAH: Merlin...

As the voice continues it’s call, Merlin slowly gets on the ground. Placing his ear to it, trying to discern if that’s where it originates.

“You’re not going to tell us what that voice is are you?” Arthur sighs, knowingly. Merlin shakes his head, eyes trained on the ground. Arthur scans the boy, mildly concerned by this but not surprised “And it’s not in your head, I take it?”. Once again, Merlin shakes out a no. Arthur runs  a hand down his face. He was very bothered by this voice, as well as Merlin’s now obvious lack of sleep from being constantly disturbed. However he pushed it away, nodding and stalling his questions. He would get his answers, even if it has to be shown and not spoken.

GAIUS: Merlin!

The cell door opened, showing Gaius standing. His expression of concern and poorly concealed annoyance. Unbelieving of his new ward’s stupidity.

GAIUS: You never cease to amaze me! The one thing that someone like you should do is keep your head down, and what do you do? You behave like an idiot.

“Well it is Merlin” Gwaine jokes, hoping to lift the atmosphere. Surprisingly, Merlin laughs, happy for the distraction. “Like you’re any better” Merlin teases back, trailing his gaze over his friends face. Taking in as many details as possible. Knowing that the affection would most likely not last as the memories continue on.

MERLIN: I'm sorry.

GAIUS: You're lucky. I managed to pull a few strings to get you released.

MERLIN: Oh, thank you! Thank you!

Gaius gives him a disapproving look for being so excited.

MERLIN: I won't forget this.

GAIUS: Well, there is a small price to pay.

Gaius smiles at the memory with a certain fondness. While the others utter their confusion. Gaius really did care for merlin, although less in the early days but still strongly. He looked at the boy like a father would a son and with twice as much trust.

Merlin stood, hands and head in the stocks. The boy was coated in bits and pieces of broken fruits and vegetables. Despite his situation Merlin had a wild smile on his face, Eyes gleaming at the children who threw food at him.

MERLIN: Oh, no.

Laughter rang through the cavern, not unlike the memory itself. Glad to see such a light-hearted expression on the boy’s face. “The first of many” Merlin smiles wistfully, looking at the children as they run around. “You must be one of the only people who like the stocks” Leon shakes his head, laughter in his breath but not his voice. The others around look almost surprised, as if unaware that Merlin often found himself in the stocks and had little to no reservations about it. “What’s not to like?” Merlin grinned, his tone bordering on serious.

Leon remembered a distant memory where he’d found the lad in the stocks late at night. Head and arms acing from being forgotten. One might think of this as a sad moment of once life, however Leon vividly recalls the little orphan girl that was curled at the base of the stocks. Merlin talked animatedly to her, telling stories and tales of wonder, delighting in every little laugh that she let out. Leon recalls making eye contact with Merlin, that day. A subtle shake of his head, telling him to just move on, not wanting to startle the girl and refusing to leave her alone in the cold night. He remembers ignoring them, walking a different direction. He certainly remembers the tiny ‘thanks’ that merlin muttered to him the next day, one said with a tired voice and aching limbs.

Gaius laughed as he wandered away from the boy.

MERLIN: Thanks!

The children move away, noticing their lack of rotten food. Gwen takes their absence to walk towards the stocks. Standing just slightly to the side of merlin.

GUINEVERE: I'm Guinevere, but most people call me Gwen. I'm the Lady Morgana's maid.

The queen lightens at her appearance. Squeezing her husbands hand as she recounts the two servants first meeting. A small smile gracing her features, he was cute. In a bumbling, country boy way, so clearly out of his depth. She remembers thinking him so innocent and sweet… The smile slips as she is reminded of his magic. Of her father’s death.

MERLIN: Right. I'm Merlin.

Merlin fumbles slightly, twisting and turning to offer her his hand. In a form of a handshake.

MERLIN: Although, most people just call me Idiot.

“Well at least you know” Morgana groans out, wanting desperately to get out of the cave. Watching someone you hate make an absolute fool of themselves is a great pleasure. However watching him, she was only reminded of his friendship. The trust she had given him. The trust he destroyed. She wanted answers, of course, but this all seemed pretty useless. Showing him to be an idiot was not helping her understand how he could turn on her. Instead it was only hurting her further, as she mourned the loss of this perceived friendship.

GUINEVERE: No, no, no. I saw what you did. It was so brave.

MERLIN: It was stupid.

GUINEVERE: Well, I'm glad you walked away. You weren't going to beat him.

MERLIN: Oh, I- I can beat him.

GUINEVERE: You think? Because you don't look like one of these big, muscle-y kind of fellows.

“Oh Gwen” Someone muttered, at her poor conversation skills. The women flushed, listening to her past self accidently insult the charming young man in the stocks. She ignored any teasing remarks about her abysmal flirting attempts made by Gwaine. Forever thankful that she had become more put together during her time as queen.

MERLIN: Thanks.

Lancelot laughed at Merlin’s face. The boy was trying to figure out if she was insulting him purposely. Lancelot was doing a stella job of ignoring the ache in his heart at the future queen, if he did say so himself. They’d been ignoring each other and any lingering feelings since they’d been brought to this cave, Lancelot far preferring to be there for his friend.

GUINEVERE: No! No, I'm sure you're stronger than you look. It's just, erm... Arthur's one of these real rough, tough, save the world kind of men, and... well...

MERLIN: What?

GUINEVERE: You don't look like that.

Arthur chuckled, that was putting it lightly. Merlin was built like a twig, always had been. The very idea of him as a strong and muscular man was laughable. As well as incredibly wrong. Merlin shot him a half-hearted glare in retaliation.

Merlin motions for her to come closer, a steady expression on his face. Once she was close enough, he lowered his voice, comically.

MERLIN: I'm in disguise.

Gaius sighed, deciding to chuck a stick at the boy in the room. Gwen, was startled by the little piece of truth that Merlin left her with. Morgana and Modred were similarly wide eyed. “What!” Merlin exclaimed, rubbing his ear as that was were the stick had hit. “Why don’t you just go and tell her?” Gaius scolded, crossing his arms in a parental fashion. Merlin tutted to himself, grumbling as he continued to rub his ear. Unaware of the looks shared around him. All trying to think of little things that Merlin said that should of given him away. There was a rather unfortunate amount of times.

GUINEVERE: Well, it's great you stood up to him.

MERLIN: What? You think so?

GUINEVERE: Arthur's a bully, and everyone thought you were a real hero.

“Oh?” Arthur turns to his wife, am eyebrow raised. “What? It was true” Gwen defended, cheeks dusting a light pink. Arthur knew it was true, however to hear it was something strange. He’d admitted his past mistakes to himself and well… too Merlin… but never anyone else. Never out loud. It was strange, that’s all. Gwen offered him what she hopped was a comforting smile “It’s okay, you changed”. Arthur felt something twist inside him at the mention of ‘change’, refusing to acknowledge how or why he ‘changed’.

MERLIN: Oh, yeah?

GUINEVERE: Mm-hmm.

The children from earlier come running around the corner, arms full of more rotten fruits.

MERLIN: Oh, excuse me, Guinevere. My fans are waiting.

Guinevere leaves, as the food starts to fly towards the raven haired male once again.

Mordred was only a little horrified at his people’s saviour being in the stocks. The most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the earth, letting children throw rotting food at him. He had a small feeling that this was going to be a regular occurrence and no matter how wrong it felt Mordred would have to get used to it. Emrys in the stocks.

The boy entered Gaius chambers, covered from head to two in food. Shaking it off slightly, he sat down to eat at the table. Acknowledging the elder as he did.

GAIUS: Do you want some vegetables with that?

Merlin chucked at the joke, eyes finding the Gaius in the room. Trying to show the old man that he was fine. That he was always fine. It clearly got lost in translation if Gaius’s sad smile was anything to go by.

MERLIN: I know you're still angry with me.

GAIUS: Your mother asked me to look after you.

MERLIN: Yes.

GAIUS: What did your mother say to you about your gifts?

MERLIN: That I was special.

Many people gave the fire their attention. Interested in the topic of conversation and eager for answers.

GAIUS: You are special. The likes of which I have never seen before.

MERLIN: What do you mean?

GAIUS: Well, magic requires incantations, spells. It takes years to study. What I saw you do was... elemental, instinctive.

Morgana appraised the boy in front of her. She knew it was true. That Merlin was powerful, but the pieces of knowledge didn’t seem to fit in her mind. Merlin was a lowly servant and a cowardly traitor. Not a powerful Sorcerer.

MERLIN: What's the point if it can't be used?

It was a feeling Morgana knew all too well. A sentiment shared between many magic users. She could see it in his eyes, all he really wanted was a purpose. He wanted answers. He wanted to know that there is a reason. For if there was not? Then what would be the point of all his suffering? Morgana watched the boy, an unhappy feeling settling in her chest. They were the same.

Once.

But no more. They had chosen Their sides. And unfortunately for him. Merlin chose wrong. And he will pay the price for it.

GAIUS: That I do not know. You are a question that has never been posed before, Merlin.

MERLIN: Did you ever study magic?

GAIUS: Uther banned all such work twenty years ago.

“Ah avoiding the question, ay?” Gwaine asked, a subtle smile on his lips. Gaius simply raised an eyebrow back at him, innocence etched into his expression.

MERLIN: Why?

GAIUS: People used magic for the wrong end at that time. It threw the natural order into chaos. Uther made it his mission to destroy everything from back then, even the dragons.

MERLIN: What? All of them?

A shiver rang through everyone’s bodies. The dragon. “Not all of them” Arthur scowled, the attack had been massive. The people of Camelot- His people- died. Innocents died. Arthur still has no idea how the dragon escaped or why his father thought it was a great idea to imprison one in the first place. However he had vowed that if he ever found out that someone helped the dragon get out, then he would not be merciful.

GAIUS: There was one dragon he chose not to kill, kept it as an example. He imprisoned it in a cave deep beneath the castle where no one can free it. Now, eat up. When you've finished, I need you to take a preparation to Lady Helen. She needs it for her voice.

Merlin walked up Spiral Stairway across the Balcony Corridor and entered Lady Helen's guest chamber. Looking around, He puts the potion bottle on the vanity table. Before he notices an effigy and a special book, picking it up lightly to get a better look.

Lancelot turned to his friend, “do you… do that a lot?”. Merlin shot him a questioning look, tilting his head to the side “what?”. Lancelot gestured vaguely, trying to find the words “you know- the, investigating?”. Arthur snorted, bringing attention to the king “poking his nose where it doesn’t belong, you mean?”. Merlin seemed to get what they were saying now, he sat up straighter. His hand coming to rub the back of his neck. “Oh my god- you do, don’t you?” Arthur asked. Merlin shuffled “Oi’ it’s helpful!”. He was defensive, sure, but he was not guilty of anything bad. Just a little looking around, can’t blame a guy for having eyes right? Plus it was really Arthur’s fault for letting in so many people who wanted to kill him.

Lady Helen walked across the Balcony Corridor. Merlin heard her coming,  quickly  puts the book down, trying to cover up the evidence that he was snooping.

HELEN: What are you doing in here?

The room tensed. Waiting for something. They already knew that his women was extremely dangerous and not above murderering innocents in the name of revenge.  Fearful for the boys life, none of the knights could stop themselves for shuffling closer. As if they could protect Merlin even tho it had already come to pass.

MERLIN: An... I- I was asked to deliver this.

Merlin picks up the potion bottle again, showing it to the women. Unbeknownst to the boy, the mirror behind him reflected a very different women. Merlin handed her the bottle, practically running out the room. He did not look back.

“Why was it like that?” Gwen murmured “why did the mirror show?”. Merlin crained his neck, eyes dancing to see if anyone actually wanted an answer. Hesitantly, he began to speak “Uh- Mirrors and reflections show enchantments, so mirrors will always show the true self”. It wasn’t a particularly good explanation, Gaius could of definitely done better but Gwen’s nod of understanding made him feel just a bit better.

Arthur rubbed his eyes “Merlin, you idiot, if only you looked back, you would if seen it”. Others mumbled in agreement. “If I had looked back, I would be dead” Merlin stated plainly, His friends couldn’t help but be taken aback. He said it with such finality that it sounded almost impossible to deny. Like he truly believed it. Merlin dead. First week in Camelot. Even Uther flinched lightly.

Chapter Text

Merlin walked across the square. Passing by a familiar group; Prince Arthur and his knights.

ARTHUR: How's your knee-walking coming along?

Gwaine looked positively thrilled to see the young prince again. The feeling only growing as the present Arthur slumped over a little. He clearly recognised this moment, The knight was particularly keen to see Merlin put the prince in his place again. From the corner of his eye he can see Merlin biting a smile back and Gaius shaking his head. That was a good sign of what was to come.

The boy doesn’t respond, or react in any way. Instead continuing to walk through the lower town.

“Merlin!” Gwaine complained lightly, only the tinniest bit disappointed. He’d been ready to see a brawl. However Merlin had always been the best of them, Chaotic? Yes but Violent? Not so much. Gwaine didn’t mind too much, his mind drifting away to his last bar fight. Merlin had been there, maybe that explains the flying plates and how every other drunkard seemed to trip over themselves more than usual. He let a grin slip on his face at the thought.

ARTHUR: Aw, don't run away!

Merlin stopped.

Gwaine’s grin grew border, his hopes for a comeback literally coming back to him. The others seemed similarly intrigued. Although that possibly had something to do with the looks that the King and his manservant were throwing back and forth.

MERLIN: From you?

ARTHUR: Thank God. I thought you were deaf as well as dumb.

MERLIN: Look, I've told you you're an ass.

Merlin shakes his head, slowly turning around to set his sights on Arthur. A certain gleam in his eyes.

MERLIN: I just didn't realise you were a royal one. Oh, what are you going to do? Get your daddy's men to protect you?

Uther tensed, hand clenching into a fist. How dare this lowly insufficient magic user insult the crown like that. With dark eyes, he fantasied on what he’d of done if he had known. Luckily, it seemed that Uther’s reaction was the outlier. Some looked scandalised, like Mordred. Poor boy.  Others seemed a strange mix of surprise and amusement. However Gwaine’s hearty laugh drowned out all else. When he moved to clap Merlin on the shoulder, bringing his in to a side hug, Merlin couldn’t stop the way his heart sored. The two friends made eye contact, pride flowing from both.

ARTHUR: I could take you apart with one blow.

MERLIN: I could take you apart with less than that.

“I give up” Gaius muttered, throwing one more disapproving look. Arthur,  who was reeling in the past enjoying the playful banter that had come easily to them, looked startled. The connotations of the words spoken and the underlying truth held within. But he didn’t? Why didn’t he? The only answer that Arthur could seem to draw upon was that it was Merlin. Merlin, of all people. It shouldn’t of been a valid answer, but for some reason it made all the sense in the world.

“Cocky, are we?” Morgana snarked, the mean gleam in her eyes betraying her smile. Merlin turned away from the women, the good feeling crashing back down. Morgana was bitter and although she knows, she’s seen that Merlin has magic.
She was a priestess.
She was powerful.
She was strong.
She would make him regret ever betraying his own.
Make him regret ever betraying her.

ARTHUR: Are you sure?

KNIGHT #1: Come on, then.

KNIGHT #2: Fight.

Merlin doesn’t even stop to think before he is pulling off his jacket. Fumbling and abandoning it on the floor. Arthur laughs at the boy.

Mordred can feel his blood draining out him. Well not actually, but that was he imagined was happening. He couldn’t stop staring, forgetting to blink. There was no way this was happening. This was not about to happen. Emrys fighting The Once and Future King.  Mordred couldn’t wrap his head around it. In every tail of destiny and future there was no mention of this. In no way. He felt like his whole understanding was turned on its head.

KNIGHT: ...toying with him, then!

ARTHUR: Here you go.

One of the knights hands the prince a mace. A mace which he then tosses at Merlin, who doesn’t even attempt to catch it. Instead he watches it fall and makes to pick it up after. Clearly showing off, the prince starts to swing his mace around with ease, tauntingly.

KNIGHT: That a way.

ARTHUR: Come on, then. I warn you, I've been trained to kill since birth.

MERLIN: Wow, and how long have you been training to be a prat?

Gwen raised her hand to stifle her giggle. Arthur turned to his wife with a scandalised look although it was clear he didn’t actually mind. “What?” she asked, a small smile on her face. He shook his head at her, taking her hand and squeezing it once before letting it drop.

Lancelot smiled at the couple, thinking to himself that he’d done the right thing. They were happy together. That was enough. Lancelot hummed, a smile tugging on his lips as he turned to face Merlin. Listening to Gwaine laugh and jab at the younger boy. Merlin smiling up at him. However he could still see the fear lining his friends eyes, cracking his heart. Lancelot hadn’t been there, he knew there was many things that he’d missed.
Often he found himself regretting his decision to leave, not for Gwen, Not for Arthur, But for Merlin. Seeing him now, it was clear that he had needed his support in the years he was absent. He vowed to himself to try to make up for all there lost time. He’d try to make the warlock smile.

However Lancelot knew that Merlin could never be truly happy unless he was accepted by them. Until he was accepted by Arthur.

Arthur can’t help but snort, shaking his head. Hand stopping his face, a disbelieving and deeply humorous look on his face.

ARTHUR : You can't address me like that.

“I don’t know, you sure look happy, princess” Gwaine pointed out, a shit eating grin on his face. Arthur rolled his eyes at the Knight “Princess? I am king”. He was definitely not pouting. Gwen laughed a her husband, Arthur noticed Merlin let out a quiet chuckle as well. Feeling a tiny bit of accomplishment at that, Arthur tuned back into Gwaine’s voice. “-eenie is for the you now, Princess is the past you, obviously” Gwaine explained as if it was totally obvious.

MERLIN: I'm sorry. H-How long have you been training to be a prat, My Lord?

Everyone laughed at Merlin’s voice, Except Uther, although the deceased king didn’t look too displeased either. Rather strange, that. Merlin caught Morgana let out a laugh before she could stop herself, he felt the guilt creeping back up on him. Reminding him of girl she once was.

Merlin gives a mocking bow, not big or grand, just a small one. His eyes never leaving the princes as he holds back his own laugh. Arthur smiles a perturbed grin and starts swinging at Merlin.

ARTHUR: Come on then, Merlin! Come on!

“Really, Arthur” Gaius scolded “Don’t encourage that behaviour”. Arthur couldn’t being himself to feel the usual shame that comes with the physicals chiding. Instead feeling all too happy that he’d met Merlin, knowing the change that it brought. Not only for him but also for all of Camelot.

Arthur backed Merlin into further the market stalls, as well as the newly gathering crowd. Wanting to see what exactly was happening. From inside, Gaius heard the commotion. With a quick glance out the window to see Merlin was once again in trouble, as he falls to the ground.

ARTHUR: Haha. You're in trouble now.

MERLIN: Oh God.

Arthur straighten up, eyes narrowing “You didn’t”. Merlin offered only a sly grin in response and Arthur already knew that the boy had. Rolling his eyes in exasperation, briefly forgetting that he was supposed to be mad at his servant right now. Gwaine watched the exchange with eager eyes, hoping to be let in on whatever silent understanding passed.

Merlin’s eyes darted around for something to help him. Spying a couple of large hooks, the boy ‘s eyes flash and magically they entangle themselves with Arthur's mace. Annoyed, Arthur untangles it and started his attacks again. In response Merlin moved a box and Arthur steps into it, banging his shin.

“You little cheat” Arthur muttered, extremely loudly. “No idea what you’re talking about, sire” Merlin joked, eyes gleaming. The blonde huffed, desperately ignoring the fondness that curled in his heart “Of course you did, I still won though”. Merlin smiled at him “Nah, I let you”. Arthur let out a mock offense “Lies!”. The two squabbled lightly, For a moment they could pretend that all was well. That nothing had changed.

Morgana let out a startled laugh, disbelieving. Such an open display of magic was almost unsettling, especially when it was used in such an innocent way. Her hands scrambled to her hair, fingers pressing in to ground herself. It was too much.

It was all just too much.

ARTHUR: OW! Argh!

Arthur continues to pursue him.  Merlin tightens a rope on the ground, tripping Arthur. Merlin holds back a laugh but his eyes are wild, filled with determination and fear. Kindling inside him as he picks up the mace and starts swinging it at Arthur.

MERLIN: Do you want to give up?

Gwaine whistled, clapping his magical friend on the shoulder. Lancelot felt a tiny glimmer of hope rise back inside him, glad that Merlin had at least one friend he could count on. What with himself being dead, he often wondered if Merlin could ever trust anyone enough. Looking in his eyes, he knew that it wasn’t going to be easy. That Merlin had been through too much, had seen too much, for it to be straight forward. Lancelot also knew that Merlin had a big heart. A heart big enough to forgive those he chose to love no matter what. It was a scary though as much as it was a huge comfort.

ARTHUR: To you?

MERLIN: Do you? Do you want to give up?

Arthur backed up, catching his foot in a bucket and falling over backwards. Merlin, thrilled by his victory, spots Gaius in the crowd and pauses. Feeling a tiny part of himself regretting his actions at the older man’s expression. Arthur attacks him from behind with a broom, Utilising his distraction, knocking him to the ground.

“Boo!” Gwaine called as Merlin fell, Turning to the boy next to him “Never let your eyes off the enemy”.  Merlin tried to smile back at the man “Trust me, I know, I learnt”. A sudden coldness came back into the room, letting the deeper meaning of his words sink in. Morgana and Merlin’s eyes met and they both knew, both felt it in their souls, that people were going to see everything. Everything they wanted to keep secret. Everything they wanted to hide. The moments they never wanted to relive.

Guards crowd closer and begin picking Merlin up rather harshly.

ARTHUR: Wait. Let him go. He may be an idiot, but he's a brave one. There's something about you, Merlin. I can't quite put my finger on it.

Gwen raised a brow at her husband, knowing that back then the prince never knew how to let things go. To say everyone who knew him before was surprised would be an understatement. Leon looked a little shocked but he took it in his stride, clearly Merlin’s influence started from very early on.  Uther muttered off, rants of enchantments and sorcery but nobody paid the late king any mind. Arthur gave a look to his wife “What?”. He sounded genuinely confused and a little bit offended.

Chapter Text

The smoke shifts, the view giving way to a familiar physicians chamber. Leon tenses almost expecting to see someone hurt, his relief is only short lived as Gaius and Merlin are heard clearly.

GAIUS: How could you be so foolish?!

MERLIN: He needed to be taught a lesson.

As much as he didn’t like to admit it Merlin had a point, Arthur knew that. He did. Truly. That didn’t stop him from shooting the taller a glare. Nor did it stop him from rolling his eyes as Merlin grinned back at him.
Some things just don’t change.

GAIUS: Magic must be studied, mastered, and used for good! Not for idiotic pranks!

It’s strange. Really strange, To hear someone have such an open conversation about magic. Arthur dimly notes that it’s really not all that open if they are actually alone while having it. Ignoring that fact his mind dwells on Gaius words, Imagining a world where magic rained free and instead of it being used for attacks against the crown or to cure only the direst of sickness… Imagines a world where it could be used for idiotic pranks, Used simply for harmless fun in a good natured honest way, where there was no fear or darkness. It’s a nice thought really. Even if that is all it will remain as.

MERLIN: What is there to master? I could move objects like that before I could talk!

Modred sucks in a breath, once again floored by the admittance of such power. Emrys. Real. Real and raw and powerful! And yet… when his eyes drift over to him. The him in the room, he doesn’t look right. He doesn’t look like he should. He’s does not look powerful or strong or all knowing. He’s all gangly limbs and too wide smiles, messy hair and bitten off fingernails. He doesn’t look like Emrys is supposed to. It’s all wrong. All that power trapped and compressed inside his body. Merlin looks more like a cage for his magic than a man of prophesies.
Yes. He looks like a well worn cage, with a rusty lock. One that has long lost the key to freedom and is simply one knock away from crumbling into dust.

GAIUS: Then, by now, you should know how to control yourself!

MERLIN: I don't want to! If I can't use magic, what have I got?! I'm just a nobody, and I always will be. If I can't use magic, I might as well die.

Lancelot’s hand had already settled on Merlin’s arm, trying desperately to offer a form of comfort. Wishing hopelessly that his friend did not feel that way, wishing that he cared more for himself. When he sees Gwaine’s hand reach for Merlin’s shoulder he knows he is far from alone in that sentiment. Lancelot needed Merlin to live. Because he was good.
And he was brave.
And God Damn it he deserved to live.

Morgana swallowed the lump in her throat at his words. Past Merlin’s words tickled a part of her brain, a small sympathetic part that she had thought to be long dead. Never had she ever considered that someone would understand. That someone went through the same thing as her. Morgana let her eyes trail Merlin’s form, careful not to let any of her emotions slip onto her face. Why didn’t he tell her? What changed him, from the boy she considered a friend, someone she could rely on. Where did the boy who ran into her chambers and asked her to commit treason. What happened to him? and could she get him back?

Merlin leaves to his chambers, in a hurried painful manner. Gaius follows after a short while. Carrying a medical basket and a sorrowful expression.

GAIUS: Merlin? Sit up. Take your shirt off.

Merlin doesn’t speak. He takes his shirt off, not looking Gaius in the eyes. His skin was painted black and blue with bruises.

Arthur almost flinches at the sight, knowing that he was the cause. The blonde king ignored the knights eyes as they burnt into his skin. It was unintentional, well, at least unintentional for him to be hurt that badly. Embarrassingly Arthur had never even thought about it, not back then. He’s just assumed the kid would be fine and went about his day.

MERLIN: You don't know why I was born like this, do you?

GAIUS: No.

Gaius tends to his ward’s wounds.

MERLIN: I'm not a monster, am I?

Gwen chocked, her eyes wetting. This was her friend, Someone she once considered her best friend, wondering if he was a monster. Gwen reached, hoping to find comfort in those around her, hoping to find comfort In the present. The whole room felt cold. Every person, every conversation was stopped. The innocents of the question, The fear in the boys voice. It chilled them.

Arthur almost couldn’t believe it. Almost couldn’t believe that his manservant would ever feel like that.  It was such a ridiculous concept. This was a man who cried over unicorns and strangers. This was a man who had scrawny arms and wide eyes, a man who followed Arthur into battles against dragons and bandits and warriors. This was a friend who would spend the night on the cold floor just because he didn’t want Arthur to feel alone. So he almost couldn’t believe it.

Almost.

Because sometimes… Sometimes Merlin’s eyes get dark. Sometimes he gets distracted and distant. Sometimes his smile is a little too wide. Sometimes his hands are too cold. Sometimes his voice lacks depth or tone. Sometimes he spends just a little bit too long staring after he’s finished polishing. Sometimes he is just too slow.  

Gaius looked Merlin in the eyes.

GAIUS: Don't ever think that.

The boy in question snorted, arms crossing themselves over his chest. Shrugging off his friends hands and comforts. Giving a defiant stare as the flames tricked slightly higher than before.

Maybe he wasn’t a monster.

But that doesn’t stop the blood that had soaked into his skin and stained his neckerchief and has never fully gone away. No matter how many times it was washed or bleached or torched. Maybe he wasn’t a monster but that doesn’t stop him from flinching every time he looks int the mirror. When he sees his pale skin and cold eyes and messy hair. It doesn’t stop him from laying awake at night counting names and faces and failures.

Maybe he wasn’t a monster before but he sure was now.

MERLIN: Then why am I like this? Please, I need to know why.

Modred winced lightly. He was not the only one. The desperation was so obvious, you could practically taste it. Gwen felt her heart give out for her old friend. His pleas falling on death ears.

GAIUS: Maybe there's someone with more knowledge than me.

MERLIN: If you can't tell me, no one can.

Gaius poured a potion into a tiny cup.

GAIUS: Take this. It will help with the pain.

It was still silent. Minds whirling at a mile a minute trying to digest new information and find corresponding memories from their own minds. The atmosphere was thick and heavy, Merlin almost thought that he had a particularly heavy blanket on, with the way his body felt weighed down.

“You’re not a monster”

Arthur’s voice cut through the silence, making itself known to everyone’s ears. Multiple eyes started to meet his, a variety of expressions and protests but he paid them no mind. Arthur’s eyes were stuck on his manservants form, blue eyes on blue eyes. “You’re not” The king reassured, before turning his head away. Clearly dine with the conversation.

Now Merlin knew it shouldn’t bring him any relief. It was just a sentence. A sentence said from a man who doesn’t know what he’s done. Who doesn’t know the sentence of his cruelty. A sentence from the one man he held above all others. A sentence that was sure to be retracted when it all came to light. It shouldn’t bring him any relief…
But it does.

Uther and Lady Helen are seated in the council chamber. A spread of finery and meat laid in front of the two. The couple dine as they make seemingly idle conversation.

UTHER: Will you sing for me tonight?

HELEN: You will have to wait, Sire.

UTHER: You will not deny me.

HELEN: I am saving myself for my performance tomorrow. Will everyone be there?

UTHER: Who would dare to miss it?

HELEN: How about your son?

Uther sighed, it was difficult to see himself being tricked once again by evil and sorcery. Especially when you know how it ends and what the future holds. His eyes roam the room, full of people he would usually never even think to touch with a ten foot pole. Never before has he been so disappointed in his son, Or himself for failing in parenting. Common knights, a servant queen and worst of all… His mistake… a sorcerer as a manservant.  

UTHER: Well...

HELEN: It seems a shame not to have met him.

UTHER: That's Arthur.

HELEN: Poor child.

UTHER: Hmm?

HELEN: Poor child. It can't have been easy to- to grow up without a mother.

The blonde stiffened, ice filling his veins at the thought of his mother. He could feel his wife’s loving hands rest on his, trying to offer a kind of comfort. He couldn’t do this, He could not be weak. He was the king. King do not have weaknesses. So he reassured his wife that he was okay, let her believe he was alright. Watched her take her hand back and smile. Arthur could feel a certain worried gaze drilling into his head. Their eyes met, blue on blue, not unlike earlier. Only this time the roles where reversed. Arthur could tell Merlin didn’t believe him as he tried to persuade his friend he was fine with just his eyes but Merlin was also tactful. Arthur knew he wouldn’t call him out on it. Not here. Not when they were not alone. SO the king would just have to get used to the concern stare as it followed him.

UTHER: No.

HELEN: Hmm. That bond between mother and son, it's so hard to replace.

UTHER: Hasn't been easy.

HELEN: I'm sure.

They exchange smiles, before taking a sip of their wine.

HELEN: Perhaps if you found someone...If you remarried I'm sure you'd have the pick of any maiden in the kingdom.

Leon watched as the others crinkled their noses, it was adamantly difficult to watch the late king flirt. For everyone it seemed, even the man himself. Although if that’s because of the flirting or who he was flirting with, Leon does not know. Nor does he intend to find out.

UTHER: Well, perhaps I'll find love again. But I'm afraid it's too late to replace Arthur's mother.

HELEN: Yes. It's certainly too late for Arthur.

Gwaine narrowed his eyes, another laugh of disbelief echoing in the cavern. “Really? That is ominous” His hair fell in front of eyes as he shook his head “How did no one figure it out?”. Merlin watched his friend with kind eyes, snickering lightly. “It’s easy to say that now because we know, because we have all the information” Merlin started, wisdom deep in his eyes “But it is just human nature to see the best in people, nobody saw anything because they did not want to see anything”. Heads turned towards Merlin, questions on lips just waiting to be asked. The black haired boy ignored them, eyes instead focusing on his usually drunk friend “I suggest you get used to it because it will happen a lot, to people you dont always expect”.

Chapter Text

Merlin laid awake, the room had long gone dark. His hands lightly cover his ears, looking like a poor attempt to block out some sound.

KILGHARRAH: Merlin... Merlin...

“Okay, that is getting slightly concerning” Gwaine joked, lightly. Noting the agreement clearly on the faces around him. Well except for a certain dead king and his ward but that was hardly a surprise. Merlin’s hand curls into a fist, anxiety rising inside his gut. The time will be here soon. The dragon. Everyone will know. Lancelot glances at his friend in concern, noting the tension that was practically leaking out of him.

Merlin, clearly annoyed, got out of his bed. He clumsily sneaks out of Gaius’s chambers, stopping to make sure the old man is comfortable. Merlin crosses the square.

KILGHARRAH: Merlin...

Merlin descends the Wrought Iron Stairway and distracts a pair of guards by rolling their dice away from them. Watching as they both leave to retrieve it. He grabs a torch, lights it, and heads down the Tunnel Stairway.

Uther scowls “No!”. Arthur flinches, the loudness of his father’s voice taking everyone by surprise. Merlin however doesn’t flinch away from his glare, making eye contact in a quiet act of rebellion. Arthur glances between the two men, knowing that he is surely missing something and hating every second of it.

KILGHARRAH: Merlin... Merlin…

Merlin entered the cave, it was dark, with a long drop leading down into someplace that cannot be seen because of the darkness.

KILGHARRAH: Merlin.

Merlin looks around for the owner of the voice. Glancing around the great expanse of space cautiously.

MERLIN: Where are you?

The Great Dragon flies forwards. Coming to land in front of Merlin with his wings spread out. Merlin stares in quiet awe at the mythical being.

The room falls silent as they take in the sight. Gwen lets a hand rest over her lip in distant horror, Leon reaches for his sword. Memories of the dragons attack overtaking his vision, remembering the fallen knights, remembering just how close he was to losing his own life. Uther muttered about sorcery and it’s wrong doing, it’s untrustworthiness. Morgana couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up in her chest and out of her mouth. Wet and scratchy, the priestess is in hysterics with tears welling up in her eyes. Merlin closed his eyes at the grating sound. “Merlin…” Arthurs questions, his eyes franticly looking over at his manservant. “tell me you didn’t” Arthur ordered, his own voice thick with mourning and thinly veiled disgust. His eyes searching for answers that Merlin can not give. “…I can’t” Merlin admits, defeated. Feeling a familiar heat rise in his veins, as he thought upon his mistake.

“Do-Do you know how many people that creature killed?! Innocent people! How many families lost their sons and daughters-“ Arthurs voice rose with furry “How many good men died to that beast?!”. Each word was spat with venom, barbed with malice as they attacked Merlin’s heart. Knowing there was no defence he could give, Merlin still couldn’t help but lash out. “You think I don’t know?! That I don’t lay awake at night and think about how many people he killed?! How all of that blood is on my hands!” Merlin resembled a frightened, wild animal, with the almost feral look in his eyes. Tears that he refused to cry, locked safely behind his eyelids. “There is nothing. NOTHING. That I will ever regret more and absolutely nothing that would ever make any of it okay” Merlin admitted through ground teeth, his breath heavy as he straighter his back to narrow his eyes at Arthur’s own surprised ones.

The group stared at the man, in shock, having never heard him sound like that ever before.  Lancelot wanted to reach our, to comfort and assure but found that Merlin was all to correct. There was nothing he could do or say to ease the guilt, to heal the pain there. Gaius took a sharp inhale, feeling all of his own failings to help Merlin overtake him. Knowing that he’s never been the right mentor, the person Merlin could talk to, Knowing Merlin could never of leant on him in the way he so clearly had been needing too. Arthur found himself taken aback by the pure agony in Merlin’s voice. The regret was clear in his eyes, but this couldn’t be brushed aside. Nor overlooked. Arthur decided to keep his silence, knowing that freeing the dragon must come up at some point. It had too. Arthur had to understand why Merlin realised him, had to understand how it could of gotten so out of control.

KILGHARRAH: I'm here! How small you are for such a great destiny.

MERLIN: Why? What do you mean? What destiny?

KILGHARRAH: Your gift, Merlin, was given to you for a reason.

MERLIN: So there is a reason.

KILGHARRAH: Arthur is the Once and Future King who will unite the land of Albion.

Nobody had spoken a word since Merlin’s outburst however they were still listening intently. Arthur’s interest peaked at the sound of his own name, a confused expression overtaking his features. Modred had to hold in a squeal, feeling elated that the prophesy was coming to light. His eyes flicked between Emrys and Arthur, taking in both of their hardened faces.

MERLIN: Right.

KILGHARRAH: But he faces many threats from friend and foe alike.

Morgana could practically tell that it was a dig at her but she couldn’t help but laugh. The idea of Arthur, of all people, uniting all of Albion was ridicules. He made a sorry excuse of a king, much like he made a sorry excuse of a person.

Arthur felt Gwen’s hand land on his own, squeezing softly in an attempt of comfort. Arthur however was too focused on the flames to return the gesture, or even acknowledge it. Trying to picture himself as the King that the Dragon said he would be. It sounded… nice. Really nice actually.

MERLIN: I don't see what this has to do with me.

KILGHARRAH: Everything. Without you, Arthur will never succeed. Without you, there will be no Albion.

MERLIN: No. No, you've got this wrong.

Lancelot watched fondly as Merlin talked to the Dragon as if it were just anyone. As if it didn’t have to power to kill him right then and there. He recognised that he probably should be more concerned about Merlin’s lack of personal safety and he will be. But right now, he’s just glad for any sense of normalcy he can get. He’d missed it.

KILGHARRAH: There is no right or wrong, only what is and what isn't.

MERLIN: But I'm serious! If anyone wants to go and kill him, they can go ahead. In fact, I'll give them a hand.

Uther hissed at the servant. Displeasure so obvious, merlin half wondered if Uther would somehow find a way to kill him. “already driving you mad, mate?” Gwaine teased, trying to ease some of the tension in the room. Arthur for his part didn’t even flinch, knowing without doubt that Merlin didn’t mean it. Even if he was a sorcerer-or a warlock or whatever he was. Merlin had saved Arthur’s life after this, and all those moments. All the days they spent side by side. None of that could be faked. Arthur just knew that Merlin wouldn’t hurt him. He knew as well as he knew that the sky was blue and grass green.

KILGHARRAH: None of us can choose our destiny, Merlin, and none of us can escape it.

MERLIN: No. No way. No. No. There must be another Arthur because this one's an idiot.

Gwaine laughed, slapping a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. Leon shook his head at the display, a thoughtful expression resting on his face. “Stop arguing with the deadly dragon, Merlin” Arthur commented, tone half-light, half frightened. Everyone knew first-hand the damage the being could cause and although he was beyond angry with his servant he still could not fully quell the concern.

KILGHARRAH: Perhaps it's your destiny to change that.

Kilgharrah spread his wings and soared away, leaving Merlin standing there staring after him with a frown.

MERLIN: Wait! Wait! Wait, stop! No, I- I need to know more!

Chapter Text

There was collective feeling of relief as the next scene played out, all glad to be rid of the dragon. At least for the time being.

Gaius enters Merlin's chamber, Glancing around to see how utterly messy it was. There were clothes everywhere, his bed was wreck even with him still in it. Gaius frowned and starts to pick up his clothes.

Arthur was secretly amused at the sight, at least Merlin was as awful at cleaning his own room as he was Arthurs. Gwaine whistled “I don’t remember it being that bad when I stayed there, mate” He clapped a hand on merlin’s shoulders a playful smirk on his face “You clean up for brilliant company?”. Merlin shoved his hand off with a smile of his own “You were injured!”. Lancelot nodded in agreement “It wasn’t that dirty when I stayed there either”. The teasing lilt in his voice made Merlin squark.  “You were injured too” Merlin pointed his finger directly into his friends chest. Gwaine and Lancelot made eye contact, sharing conspiratory looks. Gwaine winked dramatically drawing Merlin into a side hug “Sooo… You’re saying all you need to do is be injured to get in your bed? I should get hurt more often”. The tips of Merlin’s ears turned red as he buried his face in his hands, fuming quietly as his two friends laughed.

Arthur blinked at their conversation. Logically he’d known they were both injured when they had first come to Camelot. He’d even known that they were staying with the court physician. He had not, even once, considered that they were staying in Merlin’s room. Let alone in his bed. There was an uncomfortable pressure in his chest at this thought, but uncomfortable feelings were something he was used to when it to Merlin.

GAIUS: Oi!

Merlin was startled awake by the noise, his nose scrunching instinctively. It was clear he had not gotten many hours of rest.

GAIUS: Have you seen the state of this room?!

“No” Merlin snarked sarcastically, still wiling his fading blush away. Lancelot couldn’t help but share a smile with Gwaine. He was thankful to have an ally in not only teasing Merlin but cheering him up too. Gaius tutted, clearly unimpressed with him.

MERLIN: It just happens.

GAIUS: By magic?

MERLINL: Yeah.

GAIUS: Yes. Well, you can clear it up without magic. And then I want you to get me some herbs: henbane, wormwood, and sorrel. And deliver this to Morgana. Poor girl's suffering from nightmares.

Morgana scoffed, taking some delight in Gaius’s guilty expression. “Like you care” Her tone was as cruel as always, feeling disgust at the pity that was in his voice. False pity. Gaius looked at her in sorrow “I have watched you since your childhood, of course I care”. Morgana felt fury bubbling in her veins. “liar!” He snarled, acutely aware not only of Gaius’s flinch but Gwen’s as well. She tried to not let it affect her.

Gaius tosses some more clothes at Merlin. Who quickly rolls out of bed, yawning only lightly.

Merlin walks through the Griffin Landing and up some curved steps to Morgana's Chambers. As Merlin enters the open door, Morgana walks behind her changing screen. He blinks looking down at the sleeping draught in his hands. Wondering if he should just put it down and leave or if he needs to call out to her.

“Merlin!”  Arthur stressed, his eyes pouring into his servant’s own. Merlin understood immediately, shoulders hiking up “I know”.  Entering anyone’s chambers but especially a women’s without knocking is something he learnt not to do. Well unless it was Arthers but he doesn’t count… or he thought they were scheming. You don’t knock for schemers. It was just hard to adjust, back in Eldor, you never needed to go to anyone else house. You’d just meet outside the house and sometimes be invited in. There was never a reason to knock anywhere.

MORGANA: You know, I've been thinking about Arthur. I wouldn't touch him with a lance pole. Pass me that dress, will you Gwen?

Gwen’s eyes widened as she recognised the scene. It felt like a lifetime ago now. Before she was queen, before Morgana had turned on them, before her and Merlin were even proper friends, certainly before Arthur paid any attention to her. It was so difficult now to remember what life was like, just her and her father living together. Her eyes watered at the thought of those simpler times… not better but simpler. Kinder times.

Merlin pauses uncertainly before fetching the dress. Behind the screen Morgana begins undressing. Merlin makes a point of looking directly at the floor as he approaches.

MORGANA: I mean, the man's a total jouster. And just because I'm the King's ward, that doesn't mean I have to accompany him to the feast, does it.

Merlin places the gown on the screen tentatively as if afraid it would burn him. He backed away rather quickly.

Morgana laughed bitterly, it was so different. The pair of them were so both so changed, so jaded. Time was a cruel mistress. She heard the knights light heart teasing at Merlin’s actions and she couldn’t help but wonder once again.

What. Had. Happened.

MORGANA: Well, does it?

MERLIN (high pitched) (shakes head): Mm-Mmm.

“Always knew you were a girl, Merlin” Arthur snorted at the same time Gwen exclaimed “I do not sound like that!”. The couple laughed together for the first time since this whole mess started. Sharing soft smiles.

“Oh, You’d be a very pretty girl though” Gawine joked “Right Lancelot?”. Lancelot nodded seriously as if fully serious. They both broke at Merlin’s affronted face. Laughter ringing out despite everything.

MORGANA: If he wants me to go, then he should invite me, and he hasn't.

Merlin’s face looked pained as he tries to figure a way out of his situation.

MORGANA: So do you know what that means?

MERLIN (high pitched) (shakes head): Mm-Mmm.

MORGANA: Where are you?

Morgana frowns and looks over the screen. Merlin holds up one of her cloaks to hide his slightly red face.

MERLIN (high pitched): Here.

Merlin peeks through the neck of the cloak warily, still trying to think of way out and honestly wishing he knew where Gwen was.

MORGANA: It means I'm going by myself.

Merlin puts the cloak down and starts to leave. Regret already filling his heart, he should of bloody knocked, or called out or literally anything. It was too late now, Merlin just hopped to escape without any more embarrassment.

MERLIN: I need some help with this fastening.

Gaius sighed “Oh Merlin”. He rubbed his face in a disgruntled way. “Sorry?” Merlin replied sheepishly with a shoulder shrug. Gaius waved him off with all the grace and experience of someone who has done it hundreds of times before.

Merlin turns around and stops, at a loss for what to do. Gwen enters behind him looking between Merlin and the changing screen in confusion.

MORGANA: Gwen?

GWEN: I'm here.

Merlin spins around to face her, his expression breaking out into relief.

GWEN (mouths): What are you doing here?

Merlin sighs and motions that Morgana needs help dressing.

GWEN (mouths): Oh.

“Thank you, Gwen” Merlin said genuinely. Gwen nodded at him hesitantly, still reeling with the information that he was a sorcerer. It was so easy to forget when he wasn’t using it, when he was acting like he always was. When he acted just like the friend she had thought she knew. So much in her wanted to throw the knowledge away, to lock it tight and live in blissful ignorance. But she couldn’t, she daren’t.  She wasn’t just servant now, she was the queen. She a responsibility, to uphold the law, to pass fair judgments… to care for her people. She had to remember to be on alert, to focus and then decide. Whether Merlin was a traitor or not. She had to stay objective, no matter what. God knows Arthur couldn’t. Not with this. Not with him. She said your welcome and hoped he believed she meant it.

Gwen nods. Merlin mouths a  thanks to Gwen before he leaves extremely quickly. Gwen smiles as she helps Morgana. Morgana comes out behind the screen in a new dress, carrying another gown.

MORGANA: So, it's whether I wear this little tease...

Morgana looks at her dress in the mirror and then holds up a beautiful maroon gown.

MORGANA: or give them a night they'll really remember.

A serving girl arrives at Lady Helen's guest chambers and knocks. She golds a bowl of fruit and wears a smile. Through the window you could see the dark sky as ‘Lady Helen’ opens the door.

BRONWEN: Lady Helen. [curtsies] Compliments of the King.

HELEN: Come in.

Helen sits at her vanity table and picks up an apple. Rolling an apple between her fingers.

HELEN: So sweet. How will I ever repay him?

Uther scowled at the women on screen, bitter not only about the use of sorcery but about his ignorance too it. Gwen gasped, a hand going up to cup her lips. “What? What is it?” Arthur fretted, turning to his wife in worry. “That’s Bronwen” She explained “She was found dead later that night, we were never quite sure what happened to her”. Her grief filled voice, brought sadness to all around them. Arthur shifted awkwardly, feeling guilty that he’d not even considered the girl. He’d honestly forgotten anyone died that day, what with all the chaos of the assignation attempt and suddenly having Merlin of all people as his manservant. He had been trying, hard as it was to admit, he still struggled with remembering that the servants in his castle were their own people. Maybe it was all the politeness or the class difference but it was so difficult to remember when they spoke like almost mindless creatures. Never ending ‘yes sire, no sire, right away sire’. Even Gwen had seemed like that at first what with all the professional distance she’d tried to keep between them. It was really only.. Arthur swallowed at his thoughts… It was Merlin who’d shown him that he’d been wrong on that front.

Arthur wasn’t the only one feeling guilty about the poor girl. Merlin wrapped a hand around his own wrist in a soothing gesture. Trying not to think of all the ways that night could gone different. Trying not to think about how he could of saved her.

BRONWEN: When he hears you sing. Well, that will be more than enough won't it? I'm really looking forward to the performance.

HELEN: So am I.

BRONWEN: I love singing, you know. I sing all the time. My betrothed says I have the voice of a fallen angel.

“She was getting married?” Merlin winced. Nobody mentioned when his voice cracked at the last word.  Gwen nodded sadly, they hadn’t been close but she had been so bright since the proposal. So happy to tell even the strangest of strangers about her good news.

The servant removes the cloth over the mirror and sees Mary Collins's reflection instead of Lady Helen. Her eyes widen in hoot as she scrambles to leave, but Mary grabs her arm and drains the life from her.

“See! Sorcery is nothing but evil, it needs to eradicate for the safety of the kingdom!” Uther hissed. Morgana scowled at him, a fighting itching to break out behind her eyes. “You killed her son!” She hissed back, voice just as full of hatred as Uther’s own. The late king, of course didn’t acknowledge her, instead pinning his eyes on Merlin.

Merlin shifted, he understood. Truly he did. The grief, the fear of hat he would do if he ever lost his own mother or someone of equal importance. But that did not excuse the murder of those that weren’t involved. That serving girl did not deserve to die simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Arthur did not deserve to die just because his Father was an awful horrific genocidal maniac. Merlin liked to believe he would always limit his vengeance to those who deserved it… it scared him that he wasn’t always sure.

the banquet hall is packed with court members. The atmosphere bright and almost too cheery for such circumstances. Gaius enters with Merlin trailing behind him, looking around in obvious curiosity. Merlin sees Arthur joking with his mates and doesn’t even try to contain his eye roll.

ARTHUR: Merlin... [they laugh]... so I stood up and... [feints a punch into one of his mate's stomach. They laugh. Arthur turns and does a double take as Morgana walks into his line of sight. All the men stare].

ARTHUR: God have mercy.

Arthur groaned. “Oh? What was that brother, dear?” Morgana cackled, her voice as always twinged with meanness. Arthur scrunched his nose in disgust, he’d not known at the time of course that she was his sister but still. The idea of being attracted to her made him nauseous.

Merlin stares at Morgana as she passes him. She’s gorgeous of course, but it’s her confidence that captivates him just as much as her beauty. She walks with grace and poised just as noble lady should. And yet she seems powerful in that moment, the look in her eyes like she is in complete and utter control.

GAIUS: Merlin. Remember, you're here to work.

Morgana’s eyes met Merlin’s for a moment. A mutual desire never to bring this up again was born. It didn’t matter anymore anyway. Not what he’d felt back the and certainly not what she had. Morgana hated him, Merlin tried to murder her. Nothing could ever get them past that. So it was only for a moment that their eyes met in understanding before they fell away. Neither daring to look at each other afterwords.

Of course their shared glance wasn’t missed by some in the room. Modred had noted it with fascination. Leon with casual indifference. Uther looked like he wanted to murder merlin even more than he’d found out about his magic and Arthur… Well Arthur had previously thought that Merlin had been harbouring some feeling for her. The idea had once left his hands clammy, if only for the idea of Uther wanting Merlin’s head for it. Merlin had denied at the time, as time went on and they drew both colder and more distant with each he’d thought maybe Merlin had told the truth. Arthur felt a lump in his throat… now he wasn’t so sure.

MERLIN: Oh, yeah.

Merlin continues to stare at Morgana as Arthur approaches her to talk. Gwen sidles up next to Merlin, yet his eyes never once leave the stunning pair. Eyes flickering between the two.

ARTHUR [lip reading]: Morgana, you look well...

GUINEVERE: She looks great, doesn't she?

MERLIN: Yeah.

GUINEVERE: Some people are just born to be queen.

MERLIN: No!

Morgana frowned “Against me getting my rightful crown even back then, merlin?” She spat his name with such hatred, it completely wiped Arthurs previous line of thought. Merlin looked almost shocked, as if he couldn’t understand why he’d been so against it at the time. Maybe he was confused, maybe it was one of those funny feelings he’d often get Arthur mused.

GUINEVERE: I hope so. One day. Not that I'd want to be her. Who'd want to marry Arthur?

Gwaine wasn’t the only one to break out into laughter but he certainly the loudest. Gwen blushed furiously, looking down at her wedding ring. As if to check it was till there. Arthur himself couldn’t help but chuckle, noting that it was hiding some hurt. She’d never told him she had felt that way before, and it was before. Before they’d ever properly spoken but still it hurt just a bit more than he would of liked… yet not as much as he’d once thought it would.

MERLIN: Oh, [chuckle] come on, Gwen. I thought you liked those real rough, tough, save the world kind of men.

GUINEVERE: No, I like much more ordinary men like you.

MERLIN: Gwen, believe me, I'm not ordinary.

Gaius muttered Merlin’s name in reprimand, reaching out like he wanted to wack Merlin on the back of the head. He properly would have if there wasn’t multiple people between them. Merlin smiled in apology. Once he clearly didn’t mean.  

GUINEVERE: No, I didn't mean you, obviously. Not you. But just, you know, I like much more ordinary men like you.

MERLIN: Thanks.

They turn away from each other awkwardly.

Gwen and Merlin copied the motion in real time. Making eye contact once and quickly looking away. Leon couldn’t help but smile at the awkward pair, it seemed that no matter how much both parties grew in confidence some things remained the same. Arthur smiled bittersweetly at his young queen and his friend in the smoke. They’d used to be so close… when had that changed. He glanced at the Merlin in the cavern with them. Will it have to change more? God not for the first time Arthur found himself longing for Merlin’s advice. Not the Merlin here with them, not the sorcerer, but his Merlin. His clumsy, irritating, stupid yet wise friend. The one he trusted above all others… but that Merlin was gone. Well not gone, maybe, but he was not here at the moment. Merlin couldn’t be the strong one here, he couldn’t be the listening ear to Arthurs troubles. Because Merlin was Arthur’s troubles at the moment. The idea left him incredibly cold.

Chapter Text

Mary (Helen) hums at her vanity table before leaving the room, walking past Bronwen's corpse without even acknowledging it. Celebratory horns signal King Uther's entrance and everyone finds their place at the tables.

Gwen shivered at the cold disrespect the witch was giving Bronwen. Arthur put a hand on her shoulder in comfort and she curled closer into her husband. Poor girl.

UTHER: We have enjoyed twenty years of peace and prosperity. It has brought the kingdom and myself many pleasures, but few can compare with the honour of introducing Lady Helen of Mora.

Everyone Applauses. As the Music swells in. Uther and the court take their seats. Helen starts to sing, her voice a lovely soft, haunting tone. The court members begin nodding off to sleep unable to keep their eyes open or resist the siren song. Merlin notices this and franticly presses his hands over his ears. Cobwebs begin forming over the enchanted sleepers and merlin mind starts to panic.

“why weren’t you affected?” Leon asked, mostly to himself “Was it your magic?”. Merlin hesitate the topic, one he really didn’t want to talk about. “Yes, I believe so, it slowed down the affect for me… if I hadn’t done anything to stop her, I too would of fallen asleep” Merlin offered quietly, glancing at Morgana. She’d fallen asleep, her magic hadn’t helped her in that regard after all. Leon shoots him a hesitate thanks. And everything is almost okay again.

Merlin looks around, hoping for any sign of what’s truly going on. What the motive is, what’s the agenda. That’s when he notices Helen(Mary) staring at Arthur as she slowly stalks forward. She pulls a dagger from her sleeve. Merlin doesn’t even think before his eyes flash gold, he magically drops the chandelier on her as she raises her arm to throw the dagger. Cautiously he lowers his hands, watching the Court members wake and pull the cobwebs off, muttering.

“You dropped a whole chandelier on her” Gwaine whistles, but it’s clear he’s uncomfortable. Trying desperately to hide it but it’s obvious. Knowing somebody supposedly has strong magic and seeing it’s strength in action is different. Merlin understands this, it still hurts but he gets it. “Do you know how much that cost?” Arthur is clearly going for joking but there’s something off there. Something weary and unfamiliar.. And Merlin hates it. Merlin hates all of it. “more than your life clearly” Merlin tries to joke back, because that’s just what they do. It’s what they’ve always done. Looking at Arthur’s face though, it clearly is not working as well as he'd like. If at all.

Uther and Arthur stand up to see Mary Collins lying on the floor. But Mary raises herself up, Vengeance so close, grief clouding her reason. Even as her own body starts to shut down, she still has to do it. She has to kill, with her last strength Mary throws the dagger at Arthur.

Everybody around him gasps, knowing the knife won’t hit but still on edge. And yet all Merlin can think of in that moment is that He’s just killed a women. Mary is dead because he’d made her dead. Not even one week in and Camelot had already made him a murderer. Or maybe he was always a killer at heart and just never had any reason to show it. Merlin tries to feel guilty, tries with everything he has in him to feel bad but

He

Just

CAN’T.

He’d saved Arthur’s life after all. He couldn’t regret that even if he wanted to.

Arthur doesn’t have any time to move out the way. Doesn’t have to time to scream or fight for his life. He only has time for the single thought. He was about to die. Merlin slows down time to reach Arthur, not thinking about who’s or whys, or what’s. He just knows that he can’t let him die. Not now. Not when he can help. It wasn’t even a conscious choice. So Merlin feels just as shocked and out of his depth when he drags Arthur to the ground.. The dagger slices into Arthur's chair as they fall to the floor. Mary dies quickly. The king and Arthur stare at Merlin in astonishment. Merlin stares back, breath heavy. Distantly he realised ‘oh, I’ve just used magic in front of the king’.

Arthur was looking Merlin with that same look on his face. One of wonder. Of anguish and unspoken truths. Merlin stares right back. His eyes full of promises. They don’t look away from each other, even as others try to get their attention. Even as Uther rants and raves, As Mordred’s admiration practically leaks out of his body, not even as Gwen wraps her arms around her husband and cries into his chest relieved at his safeness. No. The only thing That they can see in that moment is each other. It feels like enough.

UTHER: You saved my boy's life. A debt must be repaid.

MERLIN: Oh, well...

UTHER: Don't be so modest. You shall be rewarded.

MERLIN: No, honestly, you don't have to, Your Highness.

Lancelot frowns, he can practically see the nerves radiating off his young friend. Gwaine is much the same. Looking like he wants to jump into the past and rip merlin away from the king even if the king was currently rewording him. It was too risky. Lancelot glanced at Merlin, who was utterly lost to the world at the moment. He wondered how he’d done it. How he could look King Uther in the face so many times and still have his legs to stand on. How could he handle the panic? Or did he simply stop feeling it?

UTHER: No, absolutely. This merits something quite special.

MERLIN: Well...

UTHER: You shall be rewarded a position in the royal household. You shall be Prince Arthur's manservant.

The Court applauds. Merlin’s initial relief on not being called out for his use of magic disappears at the thought of being Arthur’s manservant. It’s terrible deal. Arthur seemed to agree if his face was anything to go on.

ARTHUR: Father!

Morgana laughed, they’d both seemed to hate it so much. She wondered why merlin was so Loyal to him, he was an arrogant arse who’d of killed him the second he got the chance. She’s still not convinced he won’t kill him as soon as his guard is down. It’s the Pendragon way after all, betrayal and subterfuge. Violence and destruction are the only language that those men understand, it’s the only way to get them to listen. To bring them to kneel, Once she’s got her crown, Once she’s got her thrown. Then and only then can peace begin.

Gwen claps with a pitying smile on her face. As Arthur and Merlin look away from each other unhappily.

The night is almost over, the adrenaline had long since left Merlin’s body. Leaving him feeling nothing but bone dead tired. Gaius knocks on Merlin's chamber door and enters. Merlin turns to face the old man.

GAIUS: Seems you're a hero.

MERLIN: Hard to believe, isn't it?

“Oh it’s not so difficult really” Lancelot shoulder bumped his friend, making sure to keep his tone light but sincere. Merlin didn’t respond at first, however the nudge brought his eyes forward. Breaking whatever trance both himself and Arthur seemed to be in. he frowned in confusion, blinking like he hadn’t heard a word anyone had said previously. Lancelot chuckled to himself, deciding to not bring up the little string match between the king and his manservant.

GAIUS: No. I knew it from the moment I met you. When you saved my life, remember?

MERLIN: But...that was magic.

GAIUS [nods]: And now, it seems, we finally found a use for it.

MERLIN: What do you mean?

GAIUS: I saw how you saved Arthur's life.

MERLIN: Oh no.

GAIUS: Perhaps that's its purpose.

MERLIN [sighs]: My destiny.

Modred couldn’t help the slight downturn of his lips. The very idea that Emrys of all people sounded actually resigned at the prospect of the prophecy was.. well inconceivable. And yet it seemed true. But it couldn’t be. But it was. It felt like everything he’d ever known, everything he’d ever grew up believing was somehow being tainted. It left a strange slimy sensation down his throat. There was no doubt that merlin was indeed Emrys. The Emrys. His massive display of power just moments early was proof of such. Slowing down time was no easy feat. But… but but but but but but BUT The idea also seemed so wrong. Merlin wasn’t the stuff of legends not… not like he’d thought he would be.

On the other hand, Arthur felt some kind of relief at his tone. Arthur felt a weight lift off his shoulders, one he hadn’t even been aware of until it was gone. The Prophecy, of course, there’d be no way that Merlin would stay just because something decided he had too. It just wasn’t a Merlin thing to do. Merlin didn’t listen to orders unless he truly believed in them. Arthur knew this… still it was always nice to have confirmation. Surely not everything could be a lie.

GAIUS: Indeed. This book was given to me when I was your age, but I have a feeling it will be of more use to you than it was to me.

Gaius hands Merlin a book wrapped in a cloth. Merlin unlatches it and looks inside. His eyes wide as much as they can, he still feel tired down to his soul. Yet he is grateful, questions dance around his head. Once he won’t ask for fear that Gaius would not want to answer.

MERLIN [snorts]: But this is a book of magic.

Uther scowled dangerously at his old friend. “Traitor!” He seethed, hatred and rage mingling in both hid voice and his gaze. Gaius didn’t respond to him, stubbornly not engaging the man at all. Although the physician couldn’t hide the pain in his eyes. Gaius had always considered Uther a friend, even as he turned on magic and started the purge, even as Uther burnt all their all friends, and yes even now he couldn’t stop thinking of Uther as the man he once was. The friend he used to be.

GAIUS: Which is why you must keep it hidden.

MERLIN: I will study every word.

There a Knocking on door of the Physician's Chambers. Merlin and Gaius turn towards the sound.

GUARD: Merlin, Prince Arthur wants you right away.

GAIUS: Your destiny's calling. You'd better find out what he wants.

Gwaine cooed teasingly “Your destiny’s calling”. Merlin swiped at him, non-threateningly. It only caused the knight to laugh. As Lancelot joined in on the playful teasing, even Leon couldn’t stop a chuckle from leaking out. Especially at Merlin’s dramatically betrayed look that was sent his way. Arthur himself had a far away look on his face as he watched them.

Gwen looked suspiciously between Merlin and Arthur. Destiny. She rolled the word around in her head, thinking it over and over. She didn’t know what this creeping sensation on the back of her neck was but it had to do with them. Her first was unfortunately that merlin had used some sort of magic on her, which of course she then dismissed. What would the purpose of such magic be anyway? Doubt lingered in her heart. Maybe, she’d just watch both of them more closely. She’d already planned on keeping an eye on Merlin, surely watching over her own husband wouldn’t be too much to do as well.