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~
I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
Didn't know how lost I was
until I found you
~
Charlie looks out from the small two-seat table he is occupying alone on the busy open-air patio of the trattoria; the beach below isn’t the view that typically comes to mind when one thinks about Venice, but it’s been one of his favourite discoveries. Tonight, he has lucked into a table right by the railing, and he finds that the unobstructed view and slightly salty smell of the air pair perfectly with his Frutti di Mare and Pinot Grigio.
He has never particularly enjoyed eating alone at restaurants before this trip. In fact, for a while in his life Charlie didn’t particularly enjoy eating at all, so the newfound ability to sit by himself without scrolling on his phone or otherwise distracting himself, and instead focus on the simple pleasures of the beautiful surroundings and the perfectly balanced flavours of his meal, well, it’s not something he had thought would ever happen.
Charlie is mesmerized by a group of birds that keep diving towards the surface of the water, presumably to snatch up some dinner of their own, when he’s drawn back to his table by the gentle clearing of a throat and a “scusi” behind him. He turns, expecting to find a waiter, but instead he’s greeted by the sight of a tall blond with broad, slightly sunburnt shoulders and sturdy arms, which are revealed by their sleeveless ensemble.
The outfit itself intrigues Charlie: a long, somewhat flowing black tunic with large cutouts in the sides that show off what looks to be a strong core with pleasingly soft love handles, belted and worn over blue leggings. The whole look is accessorized by a number of silver chain necklaces of different sizes. It’s fascinatingly femme on such a classically masculine figure, and Charlie wants to know more about any person who so confidently defies gender norms.
Especially when they have soft brown eyes he could lose himself in and pale, freckled skin he would happily spend hours laving with licks and kisses.
Charlie shakes himself out of his stupor and meets the brown eyes with a questioning look, wondering what this person might want.
“Olio d’oliva?” Their voice sounds a bit uncertain; they are clearly no more a native Italian speaker than Charlie is, but, also like Charlie, the accent sounds surprisingly good. He wonders if perhaps they speak Spanish too.
“¿Quieres usarlo?” Charlie tries, picking up the bottle of olive oil off the table.
He gets a head shake in reply, but they seem to understand what he’s trying for. “Puis-je l'emprunter?”
Charlie laughs a little ruefully and shakes his own head. Three Romance languages between them, and they can’t communicate in a single one.
It’s really too bad, Charlie thinks, as he holds the bottle out with a smile, it would have been nice to maybe have the company of a cute someone for an evening.
~
I was beat, incomplete
I'd been had, I was sad and blue,
but you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel shiny and new, hoo!
~
It’s been a long time since Charlie has really wanted to flirt. He broke things off with Ben more than 8 months ago; towards the end, he didn’t even want to be flirty with Ben, and he certainly hasn’t had any desire to pursue anyone else since that trainwreck, so he’s a little surprised to find himself so annoyed about not being able to.
In many ways, it’s what he had hoped to get out of this trip though. He’d wanted to reconnect with himself and rediscover what he really wants and needs after feeling stuck and uncertain post-breakup. Charlie thought he was already doing that - learning to sit with himself in silence and remembering how to be self sufficient even in a place where he doesn’t speak the language - but now he thinks maybe he’s uncovering another piece of himself that has been hidden away for quite some time.
This time, when the figure rises at the table across from him, Charlie is quick to notice. He watches them take the couple of steps across the walking space separating their tables, and then the tall figure is standing beside him once again, bottle of oil held out and a smile gracing the attractive face. God, Charlie wants to know more about this beautiful human.
He takes the bottle gently and sets it down on the table and returns the warm smile. He thinks maybe the brown eyes betray a little of the same wistfulness he’s feeling.
The person returns to their own table, but the two of them keep glancing at one another across the space. Eventually, Charlie turns himself slightly in his chair and leans forward a little, body language clearly signaling a desire to engage. He gets a curious look that shifts quickly to full attention, broad shoulders turn towards him and head tilted just slightly to one side.
“Mi nombre es Charlie,” he says, hand on his chest to indicate himself. He’s hoping that there might be enough similarities between Spanish and French that they can understand bits of what the other is saying at least.
A smile lights up the face across from him. Charlie’s gesture of hand to chest is mirrored back to him. “Nick. J’utilise le pronom iel.”
Charlie furrows his brows slightly. He heard what sounded like a mention of pronouns, but he doesn’t have a clue what pronouns he was told.
“Yo uso él,” Charlie replies. Nick looks mildly surprised for a moment before smiling broadly.
They sit there for a long moment just smiling at one another, and then Charlie picks up his nearly empty wine glass and holds it up towards Nick. Nick mirrors him. “Salud!” Charlie reaches forward to gently clink their glasses together and then he continues to hold Nick’s gaze as he tips the glass up and swallows the last sip of his wine before licking his lips in satisfaction. It’s a little bold but, with flirting verbally being off the table, Charlie is resting on the other tricks at his disposal.
He’s pleased to see that it seems to do the trick; Nick’s eyes have drifted to Charlie’s mouth, and he sees a pink tongue flicker across their own lips.
~
Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats next to mine
~
Nick still has most of a glass of wine, so Charlie orders tiramisu and espresso in his broken Italian. When it arrives, he takes a bite and groans at how good it is. Nick’s gaze is on him when he opens his eyes, a blush colouring pale cheeks. Charlie grins cheekily and tilts his tiramisu slightly towards Nick, using his small dessert spoon to gesture towards them, eyebrows raised in question.
Nick waves one hand quickly back and forth in front of their chest and their head shakes just slightly. Charlie isn’t convinced that it isn’t just an attempt to be polite, so he raises his eyebrows, silently asking are you sure?
Nick chuckles lightly and reaches for a spoon, taking a good scoop of the dessert when Charlie holds it out. Charlie withdraws his hand but nearly fumbles the plate trying to return it to the table because his eyes are fixed resolutely on Nick and the way their eyes roll back dramatically in pleasure as their lips close around the spoon.
Charlie swallows. He’s pretty sure this is a show for his benefit; Nick is replying to Charlie’s flirtatious gesture with their own, and damned if Charlie is going to waste whatever opportunity might be given to him here.
~
Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
'cause only love can last
~
Charlie eats another couple bites of his dessert before he figures out his next move. Sunset is just beginning to paint the sky above the beach, and he can see couples and a few families standing or meandering across the sand below him.
He turns to Nick again and finds them looking out at the sky too. Charlie feels a soft smile curve his lips.
“¿Quieres ir a dar un paseo por la playa?” Charlie asks. He sees Nick’s brows furrow and they bite their lower lip gently. Clearly he can’t rely on Spanish sounding enough like French to get him by on this one, so Charlie tries again.
“Um, la playa,” Charlie says, pointing down at the beach.
Nick’s eyes light up and they nod. “La plage!”
Charlie giggles at the excitement over such a simple communication. “Un paseo,” Charlie says. He sees the slight shake of Nick’s head that seems to indicate a lack of understanding. Charlie thinks for a moment and then tilts his hand down, walking his fingers through the air like little legs, feeling for all the world like he’s playing a game of multilingual charades.
Nick nods, still looking a little confused about what exactly Charlie is trying to convey. “¿Tú ven conmigo?” He articulates the words slowly, pointing first to Nick and then arching his hand through the air in a “come over” gesture and finishing with his hand on his chest again.
Understanding finally, Nick nods enthusiastically. Charlie giggles at the reaction, feeling excitement bubbling in his chest. The next time the waiter appears, they both flag him for their bills, throwing smiles and glances at one another across the distance as they wait and then pay before rising and leaving the restaurant at what is probably slightly too fast a pace to be quite appropriate.
They find the nearest way down to the beach, feet sliding under them as they move too quickly down the sandy slope. As he’s nearing the bottom, Charlie’s foot slips out from under him completely, and he lands hard on his bum, breath forced out of him in an “oof” before he realizes what has happened and begins laughing. It’s a loud, free sound that he’s sure echoes down the beach, and he doesn’t care.
Nick is standing in front of him chuckling. They extend one hand to Charlie in an offer of help. Charlie accepts it, sliding his hand into the large, warm one held out to him and allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. The touch doesn’t feel electric or like the pieces of the universe fitting into place, but it feels solid and grounding and nice , and Charlie doesn’t make a move to pull his hand back once he’s on his feet.
They wander down the beach, largely in silence, watching the sky turn pink and orange. Occasionally, one of them will point to something or quietly comment on the beauty - it doesn’t matter that they don’t understand the words exactly, because the context is clear.
When they reach a rocky area, Nick finds a large, flat-ish boulder and perches on it. Charlie sits close beside them, gazing up at the vibrant colours being chased towards the horizon by the purpling haze of twilight.
After a few minutes, Charlie senses Nick’s eyes on him and he turns his head to meet their gaze.
“Tu es si belle.”
Charlie may not exactly understand these words either, but he doesn’t need to because he can read everything he needs to know in the way Nick’s eyes flicker over his face and one broad hand comes up to push a wayward curl out of his eyes.
There’s a long moment where they just look at each other. Charlie can feel his heart rate pick up and his tummy flip as he leans in just slightly. Within seconds, Nick’s lips are on his, soft and gentle, and Charlie’s hands find their way to Nick’s body, one hand landing on a thigh and the other landing softly on Nick’s side. He’s startled for a moment by the feeling of warm, bare skin, and he feels muscles twitch under his palm as Nick jumps a little too. Charlie pulls back just far enough to mutter “scusi,” and then they’re both laughing into another kiss.
As sunset fades into twilight, Charlie realizes he needs to make a decision: say goodnight and go back to his hotel alone, or find a way to ask for what he really wants and, hopefully, go back to his hotel with company.
Charlie racks his brain for a way to ask without relying on crude hand gestures, and then it hits him. It’s a more direct way of asking than Charlie would usually prefer, but it’s what he has to work with.
“Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?”
Nick barks a laugh. “ Moulin Rouge ?”
Charlie gives a half smile and shrugs one shoulder. “Voulez-vous?” he asks again, more quietly this time, trying to clarify that he’s asking the question seriously.
Nick’s eyes sparkle, and the blond head nods. “Oui.”
~
You're so fine and you're mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
oh, your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out what was scared and cold
Like a virgin, hey!
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
With your heartbeat next to mine
Whoa-oh-oh
Whoa-oh-oh, ah
Whoa-oh-oh
~
They make it back to Charlie’s hotel just as full darkness well and truly sets in. The bright lights of the lobby feel aggressive, and they make their way through quickly, passing the tiny, ancient elevator surrounded by decorative wrought iron in favour of the stairs.
Charlie fights for a moment with the old-fashioned lock and key, letting them into the beautiful room that he is calling home for the week. It’s surprisingly spacious, with huge windows that look out over a courtyard and let in spectacular light in the mornings.
Neither of them is particularly paying attention to the room though. As Charlie locks the door, he feels hands at his waist and then Nick’s nose drags a line up the side of his neck, warm breath making the tiny hairs on his neck stand on end. Charlie drops his head to the side, and Nick takes the invitation to press kisses against the delicate skin and bite gently just behind the hinge of his jaw.
When Charlie grows impatient, he turns himself in Nick’s grasp so he can reclaim their lips in a kiss. This one is deeper than any of their kisses on the beach. Nick backs Charlie against the door, nipping and sucking on his bottom lip. Then that hot mouth is on his neck again, pulling flesh firmly between teeth and lips and tongue. Charlie lets out a groan, and then he drops his head back, but he miscalculates the distance in his distraction and the back of his skull smacks painfully against solid wood.
“Ow, fuck!” Nick pulls away immediately, eyes wide and mouth open.
And then they start laughing. Charlie is confused and beginning to feel irritated that his pain is eliciting laughter when Nick takes a deep breath, getting the laughter under control and then speaks.
“You’re English!” It’s a statement, not a question, spoken in the queen’s English with an accent very much like Charlie’s own.
“Me? So are you!” Charlie says with false indignation. Nick grins at him, and they both dissolve into laughter once more.
“So,” Charlie starts, once their laughter starts to die down. “Do you still want to …” he tilts his head toward the large bed with its crisp white sheets, hoping that the answer hasn’t changed.
“God yes.” Rather than risking another head injury, Charlie kicks off his shoes, watching as Nick quickly follows suit, and then he takes Nick’s hand and leads them toward the bed. Charlie sits on the edge of the bed, expecting Nick to sit beside him; instead, they carefully plant one knee next to his thigh, large hands sliding around Charlie’s shoulders. Charlie looks up at them, far too tall kneeling up as they are, so he lifts one hand and tangles the fingers into the short blond locks, using it to tug Nick down to kiss him again. Without disrupting the kiss, Nick slowly begins to lower Charlie down onto the pillows; Charlie pulls his legs up onto the bed and lets himself be moved until Nick is hovering over him.
“You really are so beautiful,” they say softly, gazing down at him from above.
“I know,” Charlie says, “you told me earlier.”
“I thought you didn’t speak French?”
“Didn’t need to,” Charlie says honestly. “And you too, you know.”
“Yeah?” Nick asks, and Charlie hears maybe the slightest tinge of disbelief in the tone.
“Yeah,” he says earnestly. This time when Charlie puts his hand on the flesh exposed by the side cutouts in Nick’s outfit, it’s intentional. He drags his fingertips over the softness he finds there, enjoying the way the gentle touch makes Nick shiver. Then, he curls his fingers into the squishiest spot just above one hipbone, letting his fingers dig in as he pulls Nick’s body down to his.
~
You're so fine and you're mine
I'll be yours 'til the end of time
'cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel I've nothing to hide
~
Charlie can’t remember the last time he’s laughed so much during sex. In fact, he’s not really sure he’s ever even felt particularly happy about it - has it been enjoyable? Definitely. Satisfying? Sometimes. But joyful? Never.
When their heartbeats finally begin to slow, Nick gets up and goes to the washroom. Charlie lies on the bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about the ridiculousness of the events that have led them here and how many questions he wants to ask Nick.
“Hey,” he calls out when he hears the bathroom door creak open again.
“What’s up?” Nick asks.
“What pronouns do you use?”
“They/them,” Nick says easily.
“What was the French one you said earlier?” Charlie pushes himself up to sitting and turns to look toward Nick, finding them gathering all their bits of clothing off the floor.
“Iel. It’s a combination of the traditional masculine and feminine pronouns.” Charlie smiles at the knowledge, but it quickly turns to a frown when Nick starts pulling on pants and then picks up their tunic, turning it to find the head hole.
“Are you leaving?” He tries to keep the disappointment out of his voice, but he’s not sure he succeeds.
“Um,” Nick says, looking uncertain. “I mean, I assumed you’d want me to?”
“You can stay… if you want,” he says. Nick looks at him and Charlie meets their eyes. He takes a deep breath, once again steadying himself to express what he wants. “I’d like it if you stayed.”
“Okay,” Nick says quietly. Charlie takes a turn in the loo, cleaning himself up and getting ready for sleep. He takes an extra moment to stare at himself in the mirror, wondering if he looks any different than he did that morning. He doesn’t feel the same.
Charlie makes his way back to the bed and they both settle in under the covers facing one another.
Suddenly Nick laughs out of nowhere again.
“You’re going to give me a complex if you keep doing that,” Charlie says.
“Sorry, sorry,” Nick says, still giggling. “I just realized that ‘elle’ probably means something different in Spanish than it does in French.”
“Él means ‘he’,” Charlie says. “Why?”
“In French, elle means ‘she’,” Nick explains.
Charlie thinks for a moment, wondering why this matters, and then it clicks.“So earlier, when I said I used ‘él’…”
“I was a little surprised, yeah,” Nick says with a smile. “I mean, clearly I don’t have an issue with gender nonconformity.” Nick chuckles again, waggling their painted nails in the air in demonstration.
Charlie smiles at them but then has a thought. “Is it okay… that I’m not? I hope you don’t feel like I misled you.”
Nick’s hand covers Charlie’s where it lies on the bed between them. “Charlie, it’s fine! Even if I did feel misled, which I don’t, it’s not like you were doing it purposefully.”
“Okay,” Charlie says quietly.
Nick shuffles forward into Charlie’s space, and Charlie meets their eyes - the same soft, warm eyes that had first captured his attention.
“I’m going to kiss you again, okay?” Nick whispers, moving forward slowly enough that Charlie has time to answer with a nod before he’s engulfed in the feel of Nick’s solid body.
Eventually, they fall asleep, limbs tangled like they’re already used to finding spaces to curl in and around one another.
~
Like a virgin, hey!
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
With your heartbeat next to mine
Like a virgin
Ooh-ooh, like a virgin
Feels so good inside
When you hold me and your heart beats, and you love me
Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh baby, yeah
Can't you hear my heart beat, for the very first time?
~
In the morning, Charlie goes downstairs and gets the fresh buns and coffee that the hotel provides as a light breakfast and he brings them back up to the room. Nick wakes up as he’s closing the door, the heavy old hardware making a loud clunk as it shuts.
“Sorry,” Charlie says as Nick yawns and stretches; Charlie lets his eyes linger unapologetically on the toned arms and soft tummy that are displayed so beautifully for him.
“Is that coffee?”
“Yeah, and buns with jam. I think they get them from the bakery down the street.”
Nick leverages themself out of the bed at the promise of coffee and food and the two of them perch on the small velvet loveseat that occupies the half of the room not filled by bed.
They munch on silence for a couple of minutes, and then Nick speaks up. “So, I was just wondering…” Charlie picks up his coffee and then turns to Nick to listen. “What part of England do you live in?”
“London,” Charlie says, “what about you?”
“Maidstone,” Nick shrugs, “my mum is there, and I was able to get a position at one of the schools.”
“Oh yeah? I grew up in Rochester. My parents and brother still live there!”
“Of course we lived one town apart most of our lives and met in Italy. That makes perfect sense,” Nick jokes. Charlie laughs, and then watches Nick’s demeanor change slightly as their fingers twist together. “So, um,” brown eyes dart around the room and then back to Charlie. “Would you want to meet up back in England?”
“Meet up, like… as friends orrrr…” Charlie trails off coyly.
“Like a date. Can I take you on a date?” The expression on Nick’s face is nervous but hopeful.
“I’d like that.”
“Yeah?” A tentative smile starts to emerge on Nick’s face and Charlie is helpless to do anything but lean forward and kiss it.
This is definitely not what Charlie had been expecting when he’d planned this trip. He could never have anticipated meeting anyone, much less someone from home. But he had hoped to figure out what he wanted for the next phase of his life and maybe, he thinks, this beautiful, warm, ridiculous person is it.