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Be playful!
Allow yourself to have fun with those you treasure most. Your dearest companions are your greatest asset in times where you feel down, so make sure to give them a, “Hey, I appreciate you!” every once in a while.
It’s easy to feel alone at your lowest point, as if nobody wants you around. Hell, it’s even easy to think that you were alone the entire time to begin with! Take time to think about the happy memories you’ve spent with those you treasure - were they not smiling too?
Your presence in the lives of others is unmatched.
Kaveh tossed the book to the side of the room, letting out a deep sigh as he rested his head in his hands. In what he self-defined as a slump, better recognized by others as nearing a complete breakdown, Kaveh had decided to poke around in some of the so-called “self-help” literature he could get his hands on, yet gained nothing from.
The days had been difficult, existentialism and doubt clouding his mind more than usual. Where he could usually pull himself out of feelings of doom and hopelessness enough to gain a small semblance of stability, tonight it seemed nearly impossible to clear the fog.
"Is it truly going to help you to damage both the book and my walls?" A voice sounded from across the room. Alhaitham stood leaned against the doorway, his arms crossed.
"Your presence is not needed right now, Alhaitham," Kaveh sighed, not looking up.
"Neither is your destruction to my house," he retorted, pushing himself slightly off of the doorway before entering the room to pick the book off of the ground. With a small glance at the cover, he knew all he had to.
The days hadn't been easy on Kaveh, rather his entire life seemed to be a flurry of building misfortunes. Yet, he carried on. It was admirable to say the least, how the distinguished architect had come to move forward so impressively through life despite his hardships. Though not to say he was polished in his methods and thought processes, he was alive by virtue of his own stubbornness.
“So, what has you so riled up tonight that you’re turning to self-help literature?” Alhaitham asked, loosely leafing through the pages of discarded text.
Believe in those who believe in you! Remember, it’s okay to take it slow, you’ve made it this far after all.
“Is it so pathetic of me to try to enrich my spirits?” Kaveh sighed.
“Not at all,” he murmured, continuing to flip through the pages.
Life is a gift, and so are you!
“I’m more so surprised that somebody of your stature would indulge in such cliche literature.”
Kaveh stood up, walking over to yank the book from Alhaitham’s grip. “Forget it. I’ll be needing my own space for the rest of the night.”
Alhaitham continued to stand there, his arms crossed as he silently stared at Kaveh, that familiar piercing blank expression upon his face.
“So, find your way!” Kaveh insisted.
Yet there he stood.
The frustration continued to grow within Kaveh’s body as Alhaitham refused to move from the room, much less give his wishes an ounce of acknowledgment.
“Have you lost your ability to comprehend language? Or do you think it funny to taunt me the one moment I ask for some peace to gather my thoughts?”
"You'll be gathering nothing but dust with the way you're acting."
Kaveh let out one last frustrated sigh, embellished with dramatic effect to put his point across. Storming past Alhaitham into the other room, Kaveh began to hack away at a fresh zaytun peach, his cuts sloppy and jagged. Truly it was unbeknownst of someone such as himself to work so hastily.
The sound of a drawer nearby opening sounded, the gentle sounds of silverware clinking together. "Go sit down, I'll finish it," Alhaitham spoke, moving forward to stand beside the frazzled blonde.
"Oh, so now I can't even cut fruit? Do you seriously find me that incapable of taking care of myself?" Kaveh slammed the knife down on the cutting board in frustration, turning angrily to face Alhaitham.
With a saddened fire ever present in his eyes, the scribe immediately recognized the issue at hand. He was hurting, with no proper way to express himself other than the usual anger and sarcasm.
Alhaitham nodded, moving Kaveh's hand aside to take the knife for himself.
"Go sit down," he repeated gently. "I've got this."
A softness formed in the blonde’s eyes as he stared up into the sweet gaze of his housemate. For once, he wasn’t fighting back.
“Okay,” he replied softly.
He sat quietly, absentmindedly running his fingers over the spot Alhaitham had touched. While perhaps not the best at expressing his feelings, Kaveh had always been able to pull himself out of the holes he had dug himself. Where words failed, actions often took the lead. However, Kaveh was never one to properly express himself through either means. Somehow, arguing with Alhaitham was the one thing that helped him to feel a sense of normalcy. For that constant to be absent tonight, instead met with a sweetened tone and light, yet purposeful touch, it had left him with something new to ponder.
Though certainly not present on the surface, Kaveh would argue that Alhaitham definitely had the potential to be an incredibly romantic partner. To who he was arguing with if not himself and his own suppression of his feelings, the world would never truly know.
What he knew for certain was that Alhaitham was kind at his core, no matter how much they fought.
He also knew that sometimes, he wanted nothing more than to feel his touch a little longer.
A welcomed comfort.
The cool, wet texture of the bowl made contact with Kaveh’s fingertips. He had been daydreaming for however long, unaware that the very person upon his mind had been trying to get his attention for the past minute.
“Eat something, you’ll feel better”, he said, sitting down beside him. “Knowing you, you probably haven’t eaten anything all day, yet still found the energy to start destroying my house.”
Kaveh rolled his eyes, a small smile forming at the corner of his lips.
“Next time, I’ll do worse,” he teased sarcastically, taking a bite of the fresh fruit. Zaytun peaches were always a welcomed snack, yet somehow always tasted better when cut by Alhaitham.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Alhaitham questioned, sitting back on the sofa.
Kaveh shook his head, continuing to eat the peach slices as an excuse not to speak.
Alhaitham sighed, resting it in his hand as he propped himself up on the arm of the couch. “By now you would’ve cursed my entire lineage, so I know it’s not good.”
“Well, such is life!” Kaveh murmured.
In all reality, the days had been difficult. Between the usual bouts of debt, irritating clients, and Alhaitham’s ever annoying (yet simultaneously craved) presence in his life, Kaveh had recently found himself reflecting upon his life and state of existence more than usual.
"You know that's not what you really want to say," Alhaitham pressed.
"I'm certain it is, but thank you for your useless input," Kaveh quipped, turning to stare angrily at the scholar. Though upon meeting, his eyes were not filled with malice, but what appeared to be genuine care.
It was strange to say the least, how the two fought bloody wars yet used those same lips to bid the other a restful sleep.
"I'm willing to listen to you, Kaveh," he spoke as he sat forward, placing his hand on his.
With a leap of his heart, Kaveh was lost in the feeling.
"The waters will continue to crash and flow, the sun's rays will dance through every season, but I will one day be forgotten. My name will last longer than most, but one day everything I worked so hard for, the tears I've shed and memories I've held in my heart, they will be lost upon the wind. The moon is not my friend, but rather a reminder that I too will one day fade into the darkness, where even the moon's gentle glow cannot find any trace of my existence". Kaveh spoke quickly, the hurt in his heart evident with each word.
The two sat in silence for a moment, Kaveh’s heartbeat pounding in his ears. Expressing himself was difficult, nearly always leading to a heavy pit of doom within his core. It was easier to keep it in, to let it simmer.
“Is it so kind of you to blame the universe for your own misfortunes, Kaveh?” Alhaitham broke the silence, if only briefly.
Kaveh kept that same silence, looking down at his hands as the heavy thickness of guilt borne of pouring out his feelings grew within him.
“You can curse the stars and your perceived fate as much as you want, but the truth is by virtue of it all you are here and alive,” he spoke, placing his hand on top of Kaveh’s in support. “It’s easy to believe that the world is crashing down on you, that your morals outweigh one another, but it’s easier to tell yourself that you are you, and you are alive”.
The sudden bout of kindness left Kaveh speechless. Where the words touched his heart, the ability to form words escaped him. He wanted nothing more than to cry in confusion, for where his heart had anticipated cruel words, he was met with love. A spoken form of love so sweet, nearly foreign with his state of mind.
Yet all he could do was gently laugh.
“We’re not even friends, you just take pity on my every move to taunt me”.
A quick glance to the empty wine glass on the counter, the trickling remnants of alcohol still haunting its figure, was all Alhaitham needed to confirm his suspicions. Though still mostly coherent, Kaveh’s emotions had most certainly begun to bubble over in what must have been building in his chest. It was surprising, to say the least, how much anger he could hold in his tiny body considering the verbal lashings he gave Alhaitham on the daily. Yet in the same breadth, the home would be nothing more than four walls without those familiar bouts of confusing anger to take residence upon the airwaves.
Alhaitham couldn’t help but smirk, shaking his head. “Do I have to be your friend to know when you need somebody?”
Kaveh kept to his silence, still staring at his hands. It was obvious that things were not going to change as long as the looming darkness continued to encroach his mind.
“Come on,” Alhaitham said, taking his hand in his and standing up.
A look of confusion crossed Kaveh’s face as he looked up to meet the sweet eyes of his roommate.
“Just trust me, Kaveh”.
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Alhaitham had never forgotten his first dream.
In truth, the subject upon the return of his dreams had been none other than his senior, stepping carefully within the gentle waters, as if almost in an attempt to not disturb them with his movements. How he moved so precisely yet freely, disturbing as few droplets from their slumber as he could. The scene of his Light, existing simply with a delicate grace and warm heart, was one that had taken permanent residence within his memories.
For Kaveh was incandescent, and Alhaitham was so, so lucky to look at his radiance.
He had spent weeks trying to find those familiar waters before suddenly stumbling upon them one day on a walk to clear his mind. The freely billowing trees twisted upon one another, forming a natural canopy to welcome them in. Through their branches the moonlight was able to flow in ever slightly, resting gently upon the clear waters adorned with a mixture of lily pads and fallen leaves. In the center of their formation lay a shallow pond of water, merely ankle-deep. The surrounding area was beautiful, to say the least. Where else to bring his dimming Light to brighten his heart, if not to the very scene that held his own captive?
"Come in the water," Alhaitham said, holding his hand out. Perhaps it was the mixture of the dancing lights and the reflection of the waters under the cool moonlight, but Alhaitham seemed to shine brighter than ever.
Kaveh shook his head, snapping himself out of it as he crossed his arms, pouting. "I will appreciate the waters and the scenery, but I'm not getting my clothes wet! Do you know how expensive it would be to get these professionally cleaned? You have no idea what's in this water. There is most definitely mud, bacteria, independent ecosyste-".
Alhaitham sighed, pulling Kaveh forward into the shallow waters. With a splash to signal his arrival, the blonde fell forward into his embrace.
Alhaitham's eyes really were more beautiful than ever.
"Not so bad, now is it?" Alhaitham smirked.
"Yeah.." Kaveh whispered, his heart skipping in tandem as he allowed himself to sink gently into the warm safety of his chest. "I guess it’s not so bad."
Alhaitham helped Kaveh to stand up straight, walking further into the evenly shallow waters with his hand in his. Where this sudden burst of support had come from, Kaveh knew of not. Yet he followed, the delicate yet firm grip of the young scribe upon his own skin feeling as if their hands were created for the other. Each atom borne of the universe, constructed purposely as two vessels meant to come together through fate, to hold one another in comfort and anger. The emptiness and heaviness from being apart was one he wished not to know - for to hold Alhaitham's hand felt like a home written in the stars. Through the starlight raining upon them from the night skies, whether it existed within Kaveh’s vision or reality, it was a memory to be embedded upon his heart.
For you, my gentle soul - I have seen how you have torn yourself apart and stitched those same scars. Though they still itch with the memories of crueler days gone by, with every beat of your heart it is evident that you carry a semblance of hope. Perhaps not for yourself, but for the future you of which you pray will not carry the same pain you hold within. Fight not only for him, my dear Light, but for the radiant you standing before me.
Kaveh kicked gently at the shallow waters, smiling as they flowed ever beautifully upon his impact. “Where did you even find this place?”
Alhaitham shrugged, picking a flower from a low-hanging branch. “I found it in my dreams”.
Kaveh scoffed, pushing Alhaitham gently. “You can never take me seriously, even at my lowest”. He sighed dramatically, turning away from him.
Alhaitham leaned around him, placing the small flower within the blonde’s hair. “You never believe me, even at your highest”.
A light blush formed upon Kaveh’s cheeks, moving his fingers to touch the soft petals. Yet even with the most gentle of movements, a singular petal fell. Watching as it danced upon its descent, Alhaitham reached his hand out to catch it, placing it in his pocket.
“Are you keeping that petal?” Kaveh questioned, staring up at Alhaitham with a smile in the corner of his lips as he took Alhaitham’s in his once more.
Every petal that falls of your lips is one I will keep in my heart - pressed between the pages of our story to be preserved. Though one day our names will fade from existence and the memory of what we created will be lost to time, may the delicate beauty you carried this day live forevermore.
“You can come to a conclusion on your own,” he answered plainly.
Kaveh pouted, moving gently in protest as he lightly swung their arms together. “You never tell me anything and bring me to weird places in the woods, you truly are cruel”.
Alhaitham sighed, letting go of Kaveh’s hand as he moved closer to the edge of the pond, sitting upon a nearby rock. Kaveh stood in the middle of the water, his hands on his hips as he continued pouting. Even in such a ridiculous position, he fit perfectly in the scene. The purple flowers framing his being, the branches twisted behind him as if they were formed specifically for him, the fireflies creating the most delicately arranged scenes of twinkling lights around him.
“If I was so cruel, I would have brought you to the middle of the ocean”.
Kaveh laughed, looking up at the night sky through the peeking branches.
The ways in which the moonlight hit his jawline, the shine lost within the slight curls of his hair - they were nothing less than beautiful.
You were fashioned for the moonlight, my dear.
Kaveh continued to smile, looking back to meet Alhaitham’s eye across the small pond.
“Thank you for taking me here, Alhaitham”.
He shook his head. “This is something you needed, don’t thank me”.
Kaveh walked towards him, hugging him as he sat. “Thank you, Alhaitham”.
For the nights he would prepare dinner to make sure he ate, to bring him warm tea during late nights - Alhaitham had difficulty showing how much he truly cared for Kaveh through any means other than small actions.
Yet those small actions were all Kaveh truly needed to know he was loved. Where he would love to have an outpouring amount of affection, to have love proclaimed to the heavens in his name, he was content knowing that he lived within Alhaitham’s heart.
“You don’t have to carry the burden of the world,” Alhaitham spoke quietly, moving his arms to hug Kaveh in return. “With the weight of the world on your chest, is it truly so easy to stand on your own?”
Kaveh smiled, hugging him tighter before standing up straight, taking his hand in his.
“This weight is something I’ll never be free from, but I’ll learn to live with it”.
Alhaitham nodded, squeezing his hand gently. He would help Kaveh carry his burden, no matter how heavy. Kaveh was a gentle soul, insistent on paying for his own self-declared sins. Though Alhaitham knew he would protest, insisting on being left to rot in his own misery, he would still quietly pick up the weight in which he could.
“Come on,” Alhaitham murmured, pulling him gently towards the rocks in an invitation to join him. “Let’s watch the skies a little longer.”
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Alhaitham had agonized for hours, searching in all his known languages for words to adequately describe the light of the Kshahrewar, eventually deciding “my love” was simply enough.
Oh dearest Light, my love, may you shine evermore.