Work Text:
Gary was sitting down, and Simon wondered why.
Not like Gary never did sit down, that little gremlin always did run around; true. But it was way too late to be sitting outside and enjoying the weather. It was almost sunrise, the sky in that not black but not blue state, stars a bit faded. And Gary wasn’t sleeping.
Its not that soldiers could have nice sleeps with dreams of white lambs either, not after everything they’ve went through. But this night was a mission night. Even if you couldn’t sleep, you would at least pretend to do so you could reserve energy. So it was odd, of roach to be sitting there.
Just looking at nothing.
Simon grunted, and Roach tilted his head towards him, but didn’t turn to look at him. Still staring at the dark blue sky. Simon also sat next to him, not saying anything.
He liked Roach a lot.
Most soldiers are loud people, from shouting to loud laughs or booming voices of order, they aren’t really for stealth. Only special ops are more quite, but there are still quite the amount of people Simon really doesn’t want to spend more than an hour with. Roach? He was great.
He was quiet.
And that was probably rude, to like the mute guy for being mute, but Simon himself was also pretty silent. He usually didn’t talk much outside the field, liking his quiet times. Price told him that may be a disability, that he should check that out, but he didn’t want to be disqualified. So no thank you.
He would rather just suffer through the loudness than lose his job, his life.
Gary twitched, and Simon looked at him and is shocked to see tearful eyes looking back at his. Simon is way too much in shock to do anything, so Roach does the first move.
“Do you feel useless sometimes?” the shorter signed, each movement making him blink back tears. He wasn’t very successful, as a couple manage to role down his cheeks. Simon wants to impulsively stroke them of his cheeks. Instead he does the more rational thing, and signs back “Yes. But you're not useless, you know that right?”
Roach does a snort, that makes Simon think it was probably a bitter chuckle. This doesn’t sound good at all, that Gary is having very dark thoughts before a mission. This might harm him a lot more, having negative distracting thoughts that will lead to certain mistakes and deadly disasters, and Simon really doesn’t want to lose his silent companion.
And its definitely just because he is quiet. Yup. No other reason.
Definitely not because he feels so safe to be around.
Not because every time they share meals together in the mess hall, their quiet bonding time means to much to simon that he thinks about them before he goes to bed.
Not because he definitely views Roach as more than a friend.
No sir.
Gary doesn’t answer for a while, and Simon doesn’t push him for it. If he doesn’t want to open up anymore, that’s up to Gary. Not him. Instead Simon just stays, a silent company.
Their silences are never awkward, unlike a lot of other times Simon spends with other officers and captains. With Gary, Simon doesn’t need to wear internal masks, forcing emotions through his tone. -Again, something price keeps telling him is a disability, but fuck him and his disability. Is it so wrong to want to outwardly show his feelings?-
This silence, like every other one they’ve shared together, is comforting. A safe space. Simon can just linger in this haze of nothingness, and have a companion throughout it. And Roach never complains either. So it’s a win win.
Simon snaps back into present when Gary starts signing again.
“Aside you and price, nobody knows sign language. During missions, only you can tell others my intel. Why am I here, ghost?”
Another set of tears roll down, and roach’s breathing picks up. He is sobbing, ghost realized.
“I make the missions take so much longer just because I cant for the life of me tell people easily. And this- this thing!” he slaps a hand around his throat, wrapping it around it, like he is about to choke himself. Simon looks at him in alarm, and his own hand wraps around his and tugs on it.
Roach sniffles and lets go of his throat, letting his hand be guided by ghost. Ghost doesn’t let go, holding it between his fingers. Ghost tries to soothe him by rubbing circles on roach’s palm, but then Roach sobs thickly and finally cries properly.
He takes his hand away from Simon and signs frantically.
“See! I cant even talk without my hands! All it takes for me to be down is to be bound, and that’s it! What if I get held hostage? I cant even help you give inside tell! Or what if I get stuck under the rubble or something? You will never find me! Ghost why, why the fuck am I even here?”
Ghost is shocked. He genuinely never even knew these thoughts plagues roach this badly. he needed to calm Gary down before he could talk him through this, so he raised his hands to Gary's face, cupping his cheeks and lifting his face up to look at him. He breathes loudly, exhale and inhale, over and over until Gary starts complying and following along.
After about 3 minutes of breathing, Roach is calm now. He still sniffles, and Ghost rubs his cheeks dry, but he is better now. So Simon starts signing in answer to his question.
“When you are held hostage, its not on you to get saved. Its on all of us.” Simon signs, and before Gary manages to protest, raising his hands to protest Simon cuts him off by signing rapidly.
“If I was captured, would you not look for me in any way possible?” after Gary's small nod, he continues. “I will look for you, forever and ever if that’s what it takes to get you back.” Simon signs, his hands steady. He needs Gary to know. To understand how much he means to the team. How much he means to Ghost.
Gary takes a shaky breath, his eyes widening. Simon is suddenly aware of how… intimate that sentence was. maybe that was not the right way to work it, maybe it's not socially appropriate to say these things to your teammate. But goddamn it he does care for Roach and he wants him to know and it's too late to back out of this.
So he signs again.
“And you know you can make noise with your walkie talkie without speaking, you know that Gary. You have a voice without noise, and you can speak without sound. There is nothing wrong with that. You are the most capable soldier I have ever met, Gary Sanderson.”
Simon takes his time spelling his name, just to be extra, and shows exactly how much he means it.
“You are enough for this team, and for me.” He finishes, realizing his wrist is a bit stiff now from all that. Gary looks… in shock, perhaps? Simon isn’t good at reading people and Gary's mask isn’t helping this issue at all. so Simon just sits there, staring back at Roach for a couple silent seconds.
But its not awkward. Just like always. He will always stay silent, accompanying Roach.
After about half a minute of silent staring, Gary brings a hand and holds it on Simon's chest, on where his heart was beating calmly. He then holds Simon's hand, bringing it to his own heart.
Gary stares at Simon's eyes, and then tilts his head forward, letting their foreheads meet. They both close their eyes after they meet halfway, and then Simon feels Gary's hand on his heart press firmly.
Simon presses back his answer.
Its weird, how no words were said. In no langue on earth, did they speak to each other.
But right in that moment, a confession was made. And not even a second later, it was accepted.
In the desert, where sky was turning purple and pink, two lovers sat together in silence.