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“So,” Jimmy pulls her close, a soft smile on his face, “you love me, huh?”
They’re back at his house, finally. It’s been a long day and something tells Jess that it’s going to be the first of many.
But for now, they’re home (she doesn’t want to think about when she started to mentally refer to his house as ‘home’) to grab a few hours of sleep before dragging themselves out for the chaos of tomorrow.
Her hands find the way to the back of his neck and she lets herself feel the comfort of his arms around her for a moment.
“Yeah.”
She loves him. It’s a truth she’s been hiding from for a while because, well, it’s scary, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
It’s as real a feeling as the anxiety that churns in her stomach at the almost sappy look on his face as he leans towards her now. She presses a hand to his chest, gently holding him at a slight distance and watching regretfully as concern appears in his eyes.
Concern is the last thing she wants to see there. At least, concern over her.
Taking a breath, she begins, “Look, Jimmy, can we not… make a big deal out of it. I wasn’t lying, I do love you I’m just, not too sure what that means yet.”
Stepping back, she loses the contact between them, immediately regretting it but not sure she can keep a hold of him. It feels wrong somehow.
“And I might be overthinking and it might be because this feels like a big step and I’ve only got this far in a relationship a handful of times and I also know it doesn’t need to be a big step and…” she cuts herself off with a breath, dropping the hand that has been gesturing wildly in the air down to her side, “I’m sorry, I’ve just got a lot of feelings to work out-“ a self-deprecating half-smile finds its way onto her face- “I’m not very good at this.”
“No, no, Jess.”
A warm hand appears on her cheek, gently guiding her face up until her gaze meets his where he’s stood, close to her again, his presence solid and reassuring.
His expression is soft and caring as he shakes his head, taking her hand lightly in his, “Don’t apologise. It’s okay. You’re okay, we’re okay-“ he gestures vaguely between them- “in fact, I’m sorry, the last thing I wanted to do was put you on the spot like I did. I didn’t want you to feel any kind of pressure into saying it back. I’m not sorry I said it,” he reiterates with a squeeze to her hand, “just sorry it came out when it did.”
Slowly, she lets herself melt back into his touch, staring up into his soulful eyes.
“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it,” she promises him, fingers dancing upwards and curling across the hair at the back of his neck, “Jimmy, I might not be very good at relationships but I am good at not letting people walk all over me. You would never be able to force me to say or do anything I didn’t want to.”
“And I wouldn’t want to,” he agrees resolutely, then his eyes soften, “but Jess… for all you say that you’re not very good at relationships, look where we are right now!”
She considers his words: she’s committed to another person. Practically living with him, in fact. His daughter sees her as some kind of almost parental figure. It’s actually healthy.
Even eighteen months ago, she wouldn’t have imagined this is what her life would (even could) look like now.
“We both needed this to go slow,” Jimmy continues, “admittedly, for wildly different reasons but-“ his hand brushes a few stray hairs away from her face almost reverently, eyes close to her own and softly shining- “I couldn’t be happier with where we’ve ended up.”