Archive of Our Own ^beta

Part 1: Venus of Urbino

Adam Parrish, handsome, clever, currently 10 thousand dollars in student loan debt, with a non-existent home life and flippant disposition had lived nearly 25 years with many things to distress and vex him. 

The start of Adam’s fourth semester of law school was so horribly exhausting that regular methods of coping seemed either inconspicuous or downright impossible. Not that his previous year studying family law were walks in the park, but hell, if bad things were going to happen to him, it would be nice if they weren’t all at once. Maybe Mercury was in Retrograde or something. Adam knew little about astrology and he was scared that if he asked Blue about it she’d laugh in his face. 

It started like this: on the second day of the semester, after finishing an absolutely dreadful syllabus review (the professor was what Adam assumed to be one hundred years old), Adam noticed that one of his courses was no longer in his schedule. 

“I sent an email out this summer,” Adams' advisor told him later that afternoon. Her office was small, and maybe to someone, homey. Behind her desk and surrounding her framed diploma were three pictures of very pampered looking cats. The large black one in the middle made a face that told Adam he was stupid. Oh fuck off, you have to be litter trained , he thought. Kim (or was it Kelly?) interrupted their stare down. “The class got dropped because the instructor’s on maternity leave.”

“Right. I must have missed it.” He was screwed. He needed the class this semester or he wouldn't graduate on time next year and, fuck, he really needed to graduate on time next year. Suddenly, he could picture it: his classmates walking across the stage, diploma in hand, already scoring jobs in respected firms. And Adam, stupid, email missing Adam, would be enrolling for another semester of school because he hadn’t completed LAW 530. 

As if sensing his thoughts Kelly/Kim said, “There’s an online version of the course this summer you can take. It’s only for 4 weeks.”

Adam left the meeting by casting another glare at the cats on the wall and with a summer class in his enrollment account. It would be fine, probably. He dedicated the last summer to working at Blue’s aunt Persephone’s coffee-art house- tarot- place-thing and although that was interesting , this summer he needed to find a firm to intern at. Juggling an online class and doing coffee runs for white men and their nepotism hires were the very least unappealing. 

But it was no one's choice but Adams to go to law school. He would have to manage. He entered Williams Law Library, a building that looked better in pictures than in real life. Adam rounded the stairs, heading to the same study room he always worked in. It was only the second day of class, but somehow Adam already acquired things to do, and he had the time now to do them. 

Someone was in the room. The green light on the side of the door told him they reserved it and everything. 

Realistically, Adam knew that he couldn’t hate someone for using public property, but he wasn’t studying real estate law, so he didn’t care. He closed his eyes and reopened them to see if the person was a figment of his imagination. After that didn’t work (he was so sure it would), he realized that he was standing in the hallway and people probably thought he was a freak, so he dejectedly left and found another spot to work. 

Pulling out his stickerless laptop, he wondered if he could get through the New York Times games and still have time to read before his next class. Unfortunately for him, Connections would have to wait. His laptop was dead and his charger was not in his messenger bag.

Suddenly, Adam had a mental image of some higher power, if one existed, pointing and laughing down at him. Everything that had happened in the last hour was so comical that he didn’t even feel like it would be a funny story in a couple of weeks. Adam sighed. He found he sighed a lot. Once, Blue asked him what word he thought he said the most during his lifetime. The question was so stupid, but both of them were still coming off a stressed induced edible, and Adam answered (“probably “the””).  Thinking about it now, he was almost certain it was just “sigh”. 

He got through his next class with less pain than the first one. Although, he did have to take all of his notes by hand. Exhausted and ready to complain about Kelly/Kim to Blue, he started his walk home. And once again, higher powers couldn’t find anyone else to torment, because suddenly it began to rain.

Blue and Adam lived in a four story townhouse ten blocks from Georgetown Law Center and a fifteen minute train ride from Blue’s place of study, Howard. They didn’t own the building, obviously, but the third floor unit they rented for the last year and a half was more than they could have hoped for. The home was tall, brick, and narrow, and the stairwell always smelled a bit like piss, but the cheap rent and large maple trees lining the street made it livable. It had always been the two of them, Adam and Blue. After an embarrassing and short-lived relationship in undergrad, the two were inseparable. Both were secretly afraid the other would abandon them. 

Later that evening, both of them were bundled together on their velvety, or (depending on who you asked) damp sofa and judged people on Tinder. The tradition started years ago, when Blue downloaded it as a “joke” and realized that it was much more fun to bully than to date. Now, Adam had the app as well, but he never actually met up with anyone. The rain had yet to stop, but now it was merely a sprinkle. In the background, the TV played an old episode of The Bachelorette, the glow of the screen reflecting blue light onto the windows. Surrounding the two, down to the app on their phones, was love. Blue and Adam loved to pretend they were content with being single, but, sometimes, the most obvious sign of denial was obsession. 

“If it says he’s a moderate that just means he’s secretly a republican” Blue said, eyeing the picture on Adam’s phone. The picture in question had at least 5 people in it, all posed in front of SAE and vaguely similar looking. Neither were sure who “Mark” was. 

“He’s on my Tinder though,” Adam pointed out. “He can’t be that much of a republican if he wants to hook up with guys.”

“Fuck, maybe he’s closeted. Or he wants to beat up queer people. Oh my god, I bet all five of them are going to show up and kill you.”

“Should I still swipe right?”

“Yes. Of course.”

Adam somewhat recovered from his day. He entered the apartment with his clothes being a second layer to his skin, but Blue only looked a little amused by it. After a long shower (he needed time to stare at the shower wall, close his eyes, and breathe) he felt better. Yes, life would be a shit show for the next few months, but at least there were friends. And Tinder. 

He glanced back down at his phone. “Holy shit, he super liked me.”

“Adam Parrish, you dog. Let’s troll the shit out of him.”

Looking back, it was delusional to think that Tuesday was going to be the worst day of Adam’s week. By Friday, he had a day’s worth of reading due for Monday’s Socratic seminar, a call from Persephone telling him she didn’t have any extra shifts that weekend, and a notification from his library app saying the loser from Tuesday rented the study room for the rest of next week. Adam was teetering on the edge of destruction. 

That night, Blue was at her book club meeting and Adam was at home alone. “ No Adam, you can’t come because you're not a black woman. That’s kind of like our whole thing. And besides, we’re reading a historical romance right now and you’d make fun of me. ” Rather than socializing, Adam was lying flat on his bed, thinking about ways to avoid doing his homework. If he wasn’t working this weekend he’d have plenty of time to do it later.

This was Adam’s thing; while Blue went out and socialized, he stayed home-alone and rotted. Normally, when the semester was further along, he’d be swamped with homework. The non-stop work of law school distracted him from his loneliness. Because, although he denied it, Adam wanted connection. He wanted to meet people who made him laugh and feel appreciated. But often, vulnerability led to embarrassment, which led once again to loneliness. 

At the edge of his desk, Adam saw his phone screen light up. Moving off his bed and checking it, he saw that it was Mark from Tinder. Blue and Adam actually never messaged him. The next Bachelorette episode that they watched that night was Hannah Brown’s Hometowns, so they abandoned Tinder pretty quickly. Mark probably thought Adam was still interested. 

Want to meet up?

Adam stared at the message. He was flattered, really. Although he and Blue exclusively used Tinder to make fun of people, Adam couldn’t deny that the attention felt good. And Mark/Mark’s friends were all hot enough. 

As if possessed, Adam found himself typing. yeah, now okay? After sharing his address, Mark responded that he would be over in 30. 

Suddenly, Adam felt the need to stand over the toilet. He had hooked up with people before, yes, but it had been over a year at this point. He wasn’t sure if he even remembered how to meet up. Scrambling out of bed, and stubbing his toe against his desk in the process, Adam started to haphazardly clean his room. He shoved his notebooks under the bed, and stuffed probably dirty clothes back into his dresser. Did he even have condoms? He hoped Mark would be okay with just a hand job. 

Somehow, the time passed and Mark messaged him he was there, but Adam needed to let him into the building. He jogged down the 3 flights of the townhouse’s stairs, wondering if he could just ghost Mark. But, it was raining. And although Adam was cruel, he still had morals (and horniness). He let Mark in, who was hot enough in person. They rounded the narrow stairs (Adam noticed Mark scrunch his nose from the piss smell), when the door to the second floor apartment opened. 

Ronan Lynch lived in the 2nd floor unit of the townhouse, under Blue and Adam. He shared the unit with another Georgetown student by the name of Richard Gansey, who despite being able to afford anything else, picked the unit because he loved anything old. Ronan lived there because he loved Gansey. The two were a bizarre pair; Gansey intellectual and wiry, Ronan stoic and muscular. Both Ronan and Gansey annoyed Adam, Gansey because he had the social awareness of a 4th grader and Ronan because Adam thought he was hot.

Ronan’s eyes darted between Adam and Mark, his expression shifting from unreadable to absolutely delighted to unreadable again. Then, he smirked and kept moving down the stairs until he was out of the building. Adam was definitely horny now. 

Mark was okay in bed (definitely closeted) and Adam felt less horrible after he kicked him out. Thankfully, Blue texted him a while ago to tell him she was going out to get drinks with some friends from bookclub, so he could hide Mark’s existence entirely. Strangely, he felt better, more relaxed. It was if all of his pent up frustration had been passed to Mark, who Adam was content with never seeing again. Perhaps, Adam didn’t need love. Maybe he just needed sex. And that’s how it started. Blue would leave for book club on Friday and Adam would bring someone over. Rinse and repeat. 

Naturally, it would all come back to bite him in the ass (at least not in the way he would have liked).

It was the 4th of February, when Blue finally decided she was going to slut shame him. Well, not exactly. Blue didn’t believe in slut shaming, and Adam was unsure what one would call a politically correct version. He never thought to ask her, and he never intended to. 

“Adam, sweetheart, we need to talk,” she said as he walked into the living room. Adam slept particularly bad the night before. He had an exam the next day and felt entirely unprepared for it. Blue patted the spot next to her on the couch. Her big, dark eyes peered wistfully up at him, which made Adam uncomfortable. He sat down anyway. 

“The last time you said that, you dumped me” Adam said, attempting humor. He could picture that day, clearly. The two of them, sitting in Blue’s dorm room, Blue telling him she liked him more as a friend than a boyfriend, Adam pretending to understand. Adam understood now, nearly 6 years later, but then again, it would be strange if they lived together when Adam hadn’t.

“Seriously, what is it?” Adam asked, grabbing a pillow adorned with a sequined cat on his left. He felt his arms wrapping around it defensively. The sequins dug crescent moons into his forearms. 

Blue let out a sigh. Adam hated when she did that, like she was trying to give Adam a preview of what kind of conversation they were going to have. He knew Blue was just trying to give him a heads up, but he felt we need to talk was already enough of one. 

“I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep the past few weeks” Blue started, “because, well, god Adam this is going to sound so awful, but you need to have less people sleeping over. Either that, or you need to be way quieter when you're, well, when you're having sex.”

A hot flush swept over Adam, suddenly wondering if the DCA had any outgoing flights to Antarctica. But instead of finding his phone and opening the Southwest App, he did the next best thing. He said nothing and picked at the pillow’s sequins, studying the pattern. 

“Adam, I’m sorry, really. It’s just, well, I love that you're getting action, and that you're feeling sexually liberated or whatever.” Adam picked harder at the sequin. It was a metallic pink. “But, wouldn’t you feel better if you got some sleep too?”

“I thought you still had book club.” He wondered if the sequin would detach from the pillow if he picked hard enough. “And how do you know I’m not sleeping after?”

“Savannah’s taking ages to find another non-racist period romance. But that’s not the point. I can hear you shuffling around after you kick them out. Seriously, where are you meeting all of these people? Please say it’s not Tinder.”

Temperature rising, he finally spoke. “You know, a lot of people find me attractive, you don’t have to seem so surprised.” His tone was bland. 

“I know. I kind of dated you for a while.” Blue’s tone was also bland. 

Now it was Adam’s turn to sigh. For some reason, though it was probably his pride, he hated it less when he did it. 

“Oh, Adam,” Blue sighed again, grabbing his hand, untangling him from the pillow. “It’s not that I don’t want you to have fun or get laid, but we live together. The walls are not thin. And to be honest, it’s kind of awkward when I can’t go to Starbucks anymore because I know the kind of sounds the barista makes when my roommate touches her boobs.”

“I mean there’s also a boycott that could stop you from going.”

“Can you please just try to have less people over?”

Adam knew he was being ridiculous. He could just sleep at his hookup’s place instead. But, he was selfish, and a little sleep deprived, and he liked the finality of kicking people out of his place. In other words, sex, though stress relieving, only felt okay in an environment he had control over. 

Unfortunately, Adam was too emotionally stunted to share this with Blue. So instead he sighed again and said, “Sure.”

It occurred to Adam later that day, while pouring over his LAW 518 readings in Williams, that he didn’t have to stop sleeping with people for the sake of Blue’s happiness. Reading about divorce court wasn’t what inspired him though, rather it was the knock on the basement study room door (seriously fuck that one guy for taking his room).

“Parrish, fancy seeing you here” said Fletcher, a friend from one of last semester’s study groups. Adam only liked him a little bit, but he was always too polite to make it seem otherwise. Connections! He sauntered into the small room, sitting down in the chair across from Adam. 

“I literally see you here all the time,” Adam pointed out. 

Fletcher scoffed and made a gesture with his hand as if to say coincidence . He tried to peer at Adam’s open notebook, but he wasn’t trained in reading upside down. 

“Hey, so I wanted to thank you for setting me up with Benjy, I think I’m in love.”

Adam didn’t remember setting Fletcher up with Benjy. However, he did remember leaving the two alone at a party last December because both were simultaneously talking to him, and he remembered he hated parties. 

“Yeah, of course. It’s no problem.”He scooted his notes closer to himself. 

“Seriously though Parrish, you're like the ultimate match-maker.”

“I doubt that.”

Adam expected Fletcher to agree, but instead he just laughed. “I’ll see you around then, Parrish.”. And then he said, quite earnestly and a little softer, “Thanks again for everything.” And with that, he stood up, took one more glance at Adam’s upside down notes, and left the room. 

Adam tried to resume his reading, but after starting and restarting the passage, his mind kept wandering back to what Fletcher had said. Adam Parrish, ultimate match-maker. He thought back to his conversation that morning with Blue. He didn’t need to find Blue’s true love, just maybe someone to get her out of the apartment for a little while. It wasn’t selfish, not really. Blue was always talking about wanting to have fun with people. She was probably just jealous that Adam was getting so much attention. 

Adam sighed and closed his laptop. He wasn’t going to get any work done at this point.

As he walked back to his apartment, he couldn’t stop thinking about finding someone for Blue. It was actually kind of fun, imagining what kind of person would charm her. Besides, they would only need to occupy her for a couple of months. When summer started and his finals were over, Adam wouldn’t need sex to cope with the stress of law school. Granted, he’d need sex to cope with the stress of online law school, but he figured he’d cure his addiction by then. 

Lost in thought, he rounded the corner of the apartment stairs and collided with a warm shoulder. 

“You thinking about adjudication or some other type of nerd shit?” said a deep voice.

“I’m surprised you know what adjudication is,” Adam quipped. 

“Well, when you've sat through a couple.”

Adam leveled an eyebrow at Ronan. He looked good, clad in a black hoodie and jeans. His head was freshly shaved and Adam had a sudden urge to run his hands over the bristles. The thought made him suddenly quite angry. 

“What you’d do to sit through multiple adjudications?” Adam asked, biting. 

Ronan rallied. “Stole my brother’s beamer. You too poor to know what that is?”

“It’s a car not stocks. You too mathematically challenged to know what that is?”

Ronan was always doing this: bantering with him and then dropping some piece of information or making some snide remark that suddenly reminded Adam why he never pursued him. Because although attractive, Ronan was still a privileged, part-time art student, part-time jackass, who was too much of an emotional burden for Adam to take on. And also, pursuing Ronan was a lost cause. There was something a little too low about having one-time sex with your neighbor. 

Also, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Ronan hated him, or at the very least thought he was pathetic. Other than that, however, they were fine neighbors, he and Gansey. Gansey was overly polite when they ran into each other, and he always remembered to ask him about school. But, Gansey, though pleasant, often exhausted Adam. His eagerness made him uncomfortable. Unfortunately for Adam, Gansey was right behind Ronan, smiling a bit too wide for someone who was just reminded of his roommates' frequent court visits. 

Gansey looked down at him. “Adam! So wonderful to see you! How is lecture with Malory? He’s a dear friend.”

Ronan smirked. “He’s also going to be dead in like 5 years max.”

“He’s been great,” Adam said. He didn’t answer Ronan because Ronan was right. 

Gansey also went to Georgetown like Ronan (god knows how Ronan got in), and was getting his masters in “ museum curation with a focus in Welsh history and mythology .” Adam knew this because whenever Gansey talked about it (every conversation they ever had), his eyes would glaze over like he had just seen a newborn puppy. It was one of the few things about Gansey that endeared him to Adam. 

Suddenly, as if she knew the stairwell was already at max capacity, Blue rounded the stairs, her head bumping into Adam’s side. What a strange group they were. Gansey in his top-siders, Blue in her crocheted sweater and five hundred pieces of jewelry, and Ronan being, well, Ronan. Adam had the sudden feeling that he was the least interesting person of the four. 

“Oh, Jane, hello.” Gansey said, recognizing her. His impossibly wide smile grew even wider. 

“Gansey.” Blue replied. To an outside viewer, Blue’s reply may have come across disinterested or even disgusted, but Adam noticed the slight flush on her cheeks. Maybe Gansey could be Blue’s distraction? 

But no, that would be horrible, Adam decided. If he wanted Blue out of the apartment, he couldn’t expect her to not notice Adam’s visitors if she was just on the floor below. The townhouse only had four units, after all. And, even worse, if Gansey and Blue were to last, Adam would have to spend time around Gansey while he was in a relationship. The thought made him shudder. 

The four of them stood in the hallway in silence. Gansey smiling, Ronan picking and the leather bracelet on his wrist, Blue simultaneously glaring and blushing. Adam found an interestingly shaped stain on the wall. He shuddered again. 

Finally, Gansey broke the silence, because everyone else was too stubborn. “Well, I guess we’ll see you around. Feel free to stop by with any questions about Malory. I’m sure he could find you a good place to intern this summer, if you were looking.”

“Thanks, Gansey” Adam replied, “Lynch” he nodded. 

Ronan nodded back. The four of them stood a second longer, and then dispersed into their apartments. And then, the hallway, which was once filled with so many people, was silent.

Part 2: The Swing

It was two weeks later when Adam found Blue’s soulmate. 

Well, soulmate was an exaggeration. Rather, he found someone desperate enough to meet up with a complete stranger and talkative enough that Blue would have a hard time escaping his company. His name was, oh god Adam could hardly say it , Tad. And he only felt a little guilty about setting up a date with Blue. But, Tad had a seasonal pass to the Smithsonian. Blue loved instagrammable places. If anything, she would have stories to tell afterwards. 

Tad was a first year law student that met Adam through stalking him. He had bright eyes and wasn’t ugly, but, god, he was so annoying. Blue was going to hate him so much. But Adam, living by his word, hadn’t slept with anyone in weeks. He was starting to think about going on Pornhub again, and Adam made a promise to himself to never go back there. 

“So what’s your friend’s name again?” Tad asked him after “bumping into him” at McDonough after Adam’s 10 am. In Tad’s defense, the hallway was so crowded between class times in McDonough. Everyone was bumping into everyone. The tall marble hallways were an echo chamber of sound: both he and Tad were practically shouting at each other. 

Adam’s grip tightened around the strap of his messenger bag as another student tried to part the cluster in the hallway. Some people really thought they could move through the barrier of others through sheer will. 

“Blue. I swear, you’ll love her.” 

“I’m excited! She knows we’re meeting Friday at 4, right?”

“Of course.” Adam had yet to tell her. “She can’t wait.”

“And you really can’t come?” Tad sighed. Someone knocked into his shoulder. 

“Sorry,” Adam yelled back, “I’ve got book club.”

“You did what?” Blue said when Adam came home. She was in the middle of embroidering another sequin pillow. Her hands squeezed the needle hard. 

“I’m sorry he just kind of came on to me. But, you’ll love him, I swear!”

“His name is Tad .” Adam was suddenly nervous about the needle. He had a quick vision of it stabbing into his outstretched hand, so he removed it from the arm of the sofa. 

Desperately, stabbing, pleading, he said. “He’s taking you to the Smithsonian.”

He couldn’t meet her eyes, opting to stare at the framed Degas above the TV. He and Blue found it at a thrift store last summer for 3 dollars. Adam felt a little weird about owning a painting by a notorious anti-semite, but really, they were only financially supporting the Goodwill. At least it was pretty. 

“Well, I do love instagrammable places,” Blue mused. The grip on her needle loosened. 

Adam was the smartest person alive. Suddenly, law school was nothing, he could do anything. He was going to go run in the street from happiness. He was going to scream into the sky. He tried not to let his smile look too maniacal. 

But then Blue pointed the needle back toward him, accusatory. “But, I’m not going alone. It’s a safety concern. Girls don’t just go on blind dates anymore. Someone could kill you.” Adam stared at it, feeling the excitement slowly drain from his body. 

All geniuses had their vices, and Adam’s was being a man. They seriously needed to add more DEI courses to the law curriculum. He suddenly felt very guilty. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Tad, but also didn’t not trust him. Tad, though harmless, was a jerk. And although Blue wouldn’t be murdered by him, he also probably wouldn’t be able to stop anyone else from trying. He didn’t want to point out that the likelihood of her murder was low in general, but, fuck, he was already being stupid.

Adam was defeated. “Do you really like the promise of aesthetically pleasing photos enough to force me to hang out with you and Tad on a Friday?”He tried his hardest to sound humorous, but instead it came out a bit defensive and a bit sad. 

Blue scrunched her nose and made a noise that sounded like pshaw . “I thought you said he was lovely. And if he’s not we can make fun of  him behind his back.”

God, was their relationship solely built on bullying? Of course it wasn’t, Adam thought. It was also built on slut shaming. 

So, feeling stupid and embarrassed Adam texted Tad (how did he have his number?) that book club was canceled for Friday, and that he would be joining them. Maybe the universe was telling Adam to stop whatever this was, forcing Blue to spend time with people she didn’t want to so he could have sex with random strangers. When you put it that way, it sounded awful. But Adam was as oblivious as he was stubborn, and this was only the beginning.

That Wednesday, Adam realized that he should probably reach out to Gansey about Malory’s internships, considering the two were dear friends . Adam knew some people he could contact instead, but to be honest, he was actually kind of enjoying Malory’s rambling lectures. Also, he figured that Malory’s soon death was inevitable, so he should probably take advantage of an internship now. 

He went over to Gansey’s that evening, spending multiple minutes outside of the door, contemplating whether the awkwardness was bearable. He already was going to hang out with Tad on Friday. Why did the universe hate him?

He knocked. Behind the door he heard muffled voices and the interior doors opening and shutting. The door opened, revealing Gansey, in all his glory. His hair was mused and his glasses were a little crooked. He was somehow both put together and not put together at all. 

“Adam,” He smiled. The warm light of the room behind him turned his skin a yellowy gold. “I didn’t think you were coming.”

Adam gripped at his messenger bag, trying to hide the fraying threads. “I said I would.”

Gansey shuffled him inside, asking him if he wanted any tea or mint leaves (Adam declined) and led him into the small living space. Where Blue and Adam decided to decorate their apartment with plants and unmatched wood pieces, the Gansey-Lynch residence was full of books. While sitting down on the couch, Adam accidentally knocked over a stack of Roman mythology texts, each old and bound in leather. The place was so undoubtedly Gansey. Adam had a hard time imagining Ronan spilling over the books, suddenly wondering if anything in the room belonged to him. Perhaps the Loveless vinyl laying on the top of the record player was his. He doubted Gansey enjoyed shoegaze. 

While Gansey went to his bedroom to grab his laptop, Adam looked down at his phone. He had a few messages from Tad, most were TikTok links. Suddenly, a very soft thing rubbed up against his legs. To his surprise, it was a sleek, and frankly adorable cat. It’s black fur stuck to Adam's trousers.

“Oh” Adam breathed. He had always liked cats (unless they belonged to Kelly/Kim). They weren’t loud and they seemed to also like Adam back. He held out his fingers to it and the cat cautiously sniffed his fingers. “Aren’t you wonderful.”

“Stop, you're making me blush.” 

Ronan appeared in the archway, a pair of headphones wrapped around his neck and wearing a pair of very soft looking sweatpants. In the crook of his right arm was an assortment of paint bottles, red, orange, green, blue. 

Adam stared. “I’m very clearly talking to a cat right now.” 

Ronan scoffed, looking down at the furry creature. The cat peered back at him, tail flicking in recognition. “Yeah, my cat doesn’t understand English.”

“All cats or just this one?”

Ronan smiled, showing off his sharp teeth. He walked over to the couch where Adam sat and leaned past him. Suddenly, he was all too close, overwhelming Adam’s senses with the smell of cologne, paint, and sweat. Adam did his very best not to deeply inhale. And then as soon as he was there, Ronan was back at an arm's distance. 

“Found it,” Ronan said, holding up some sort of spatula-knife. Adam felt a little too skittish to say anything. 

Seeming to sense his discomfort, Ronan looked up at the ceiling. “So, is Dick helping you with school or something? He knows shit about law, so you’re probably talking to the wrong person.”

“He knows Malory, one of my law professors. He’s going to talk me up to him so I can find a good internship this summer.”

‘Oh, that old freak.” Ronan commented. The cat, who was now curled up in a leather armchair, yowled with what seemed to be agreement. 

“He’s really not that bad,” Adam defended. Yes, Malory was an old freak, but if the walls in Gansey’s place were as thin as Adam’s, he couldn’t risk anyone hearing him talk shit. 

“I don’t know man, I’m like ninety percent sure he uses adult diapers.”

Gansey stumbled back into the room, looking apologetic for leaving him alone with Ronan. “So sorry, I seemed to have momentarily misplaced my laptop.”

“It’s in the bathroom,” Ronan said, walking over to the armchair and using his free hand to scoop up the cat. His arms were much too full. 

“Ronan, bless you,” Gansey sighed and disappeared again into the hallway. 

“Well, Parrish,” Ronan started, “duty calls.” He turned to leave the room as well, cat, paint, and spatula all in his arms. 

“Wait,” Adam suddenly called, feeling brave. Ronan peered back over his shoulder and waited for him to speak again. “What’s your cat’s name?”

“Oh,” Ronan said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. “Her name’s Chainsaw.”

Gansey and Adam didn’t work on their email to Malory for too long. Apparently, Malory didn’t need much to impress him, just an interest in law and an interest in Gansey. The night, though Adam wasn’t expecting it, was turning out to be quite enjoyable. He liked the cramped apartment and the warmth and coziness of the space. And Gansey, well, Gansey was a lot more pleasant when he wasn’t in public. There was something charming about the way he talked, the way he ran his thumb over his lip. At the end of the night, with a message sent, and his heart a little fuller, Adam thanked Gansey and headed back to his apartment. 

Blue was asleep on the sofa, a quilt overtop of her, and The Bachelorette was still playing on the TV. Maybe Friday with Tad would be bearable, maybe he’d get an internship with Malory, and maybe he could find someone for Blue for real. It was all going to be alright. And with that, he turned off the TV, went into his bedroom, and slept deep and hard and long. 

If Adam had to rank the most formidable days of his life in order, the museum date with Blue and Tad was high on the list. 

That Friday had already been long. In the span of two hours, Adam did an entire write up for his constitutional law class, and his brain had long left his body. He couldn’t fathom spending an evening staring at art or seeing Tad. 

Unfortunately, Blue was much more optimistic. Apparently, now that Adam was guilt tripped into joining, she had changed her attitude. Adam highly doubted she had intentions of actually engaging with Tad, but she sure was treating the whole ordeal like a date. 

The two were getting ready that evening in the apartment’s sole bathroom. When they first moved in, both were apprehensive about the bathroom situation. The idea of seeing each other naked was weird, because while dating they never did. Fourth base with Blue was touching her hand. However, while Blue got ready often, Adam hardly spent time in the bathroom at all. There was something intimidating about primping himself for too long. It forced him to think about himself, what was wrong. 

He stared at himself in the mirror. He looked…tired. The harsh light of the bathroom was stark on his face, bringing out the purple under his eyes. At that moment, he was suddenly thankful for his straight nose, his clear eyes. They were working overtime to counteract every other strange feature he had. 

While Blue redid her eyeliner, Adam sighed. “I don’t see the point of getting all dressed up. Haven’t you already decided Tad is a lost cause?”

“I don’t know, Adam.” Blue fired back. She stretched the skin around her eye back, bringing the pen up close. “ You were the one so insistent on setting us up. And even if it is a lost cause, I still want to look pretty in all the great pictures you take of me.”

Adam really couldn't argue with that. But Adam also thought that Blue always looked pretty. 

They boarded the green line around 3:30, accepting that they would be at the very least right on time. Sitting on the metro, Blue taking the window seat, Adam was struck by the reality of living in a city. He had grown up in a rural town in western Virginia, with a population of five thousand, Everyone knew everyone. For a while, when Adam was sleeping with a person a week, he was worried about running into previous hookups. But now, sitting on the metro and looking around at the people, a mother with 2 young children, employees getting off work, other university students, Adam saw he knew none of them. Here were Adam and Blue: just a small blip in the busy lives of others. 

They met Tad on the exterior steps of the Smithsonian Art Museum. He looked slightly green in the face, but otherwise unremarkable. His eyes widened when he saw Blue (Adam didn’t blame him. She looked great.), and he gripped tighter onto his phone, knuckles turning white. 

“Rue! Adam!” Blue side eyed Adam with raised eyebrows. In Adam’s defense McDonough Hall was really loud. “I was just about to go in. I thought you weren’t coming.”

“Sorry,” Adam said, raising his eyebrows back at Blue. “The green line took longer than we thought.”

Tad’s face flinched at the mention of the green line. He was probably allergic to the thought of public transportation. Blue (Rue) frowned. Adam didn’t know what he was expecting. He silently cursed at himself for thinking they could at least all be civil. 

The date itself improved when they actually entered the Smithsonian. Adam visited just once before, the summer before he started Law School, and forgot how grand the place really was. The ceiling was expansive, the lights were soft and warm. Adam was suddenly reminded of Gansey and Ronan’s apartment, the smell of academia, the gentleness, the heat. And then Tad loudly clapped to get them moving, and the illusion was broken. 

They perused the halls, the three of them stopping to look at the art. Tad was intent on mansplaining the meanings of the pictures, though it was clear he didn’t study art history in undergrad. Neither had Adam or Blue, but at least they weren’t pretending. 

“I wonder what this one is trying to say? It’s rather ugly, don’t you think?” Tad said, staring up at the piece. The paint, acrylic and thick, was a mess of red, yellows, and browns. 

Blue walked up to the description on the wall. “Well,” she said matter-of-factly, “Considering it's called The Struggle , and it says right here that it's about “Colored Towns” in Miami, I think it’s saying that housing and racial segregation leads to hardship for black people.”

“Well yes,” Tad replied lamely. “The struggle is real.”

Adam didn’t want to hear how Blue would respond to that , so he walked into the next room. It was devoid of people, with small frames on the east and west walls. And, hanging majestically on the far wall was a singular painting. Within the thick, dark blue oil paint, was the Virgin Mary, lit only by the candle in her hand. 

When Adam was still living in his parents trailer, trapped in the isolating life of rural Virginia, he often read at night. Nighttime was the most bearable time to be home, (a sleeping father couldn’t hurt him) and reading often gave Adam a sense of purpose. He was an academic. He was driven. He would be able to leave the place his parents were born and the place his parents would die. 

The Virgin Mary looked down at him. What do you want, Adam?   He wanted to get an internship, he wanted to graduate, he wanted a warm body to hold. I want to be more than a tiny blip in someone else’s universe. 

During the time Adam stood staring, Blue wandered up to him. 

“It’s pretty”, she said, peering up at it. “We should try to find it at Goodwill.”

“Wouldn’t that be in poor taste? Neither of us are religious.”

Blue shrugged. “Just because we don’t believe in God doesn’t mean we can’t believe in something.”

Adam wasn’t sure what he believed in. He worried he’d never find anything worth it. 

“Where’s Tad?”

“He’s taking his time in the other room. I think he’s pretending to read the descriptions so people don’t think he’s racist.”

The three of them walked for another twenty minutes before Adam’s body remembered he hadn’t eaten in five hours and Blue’s body remembered she found Tad repulsive. They made their way to the entrance, Tad trying to convince Adam to join him on his spring break trip. “ Parrish, you’d love Ibiza. The guys and I go every year and totally need fresh meat.” Blue excused herself to use the restroom. 

As Tad continued to talk about how Ibiza was more than just clubs, Adam saw Gansey and Ronan walk into the lobby. They filtered into the ticket line, both not seeing him. Adam, paralyzed, watched in horror. It was one thing to see the two outside of their building. It was another thing for them to see him with Tad . 

“Tad, I’ll see you around. You should get going before traffic gets too heavy.”

“What? Why?” Tad plowed on, oblivious to the disaster unfolding before them, “Shouldn’t I say goodbye to Rue? Get her number?”

Adam snapped. “Oh my god, her name is Blue and she’s clearly not interested.” He started to lead Tad to the front doors. “I’ll see you Monday, okay?”

He pulled Tad forward and hastily pushed him into the outside. Tad let out one more cry of protest, and then dejectedly started down the steps, head hanging low. Turning back around, Adam noticed that the commotion, to his horror, drew the attention of Gansey and Ronan. They both smiled, but the intentions behind them were quite different. Adam considered pretending he didn’t see them and leaving the Smithsonian as well, but Blue was still in the bathroom. The universe laughed some more. 

He stared in silence as Gansey and Ronan checked in, whilst he thought about the likelihood of a bomb dropping on the museum. Gansey fumbled hastily through his leather-bound wallet as Ronan stood relaxed, his hands in the pockets of his leather racer jacket. Blue appeared at his side. Her cheeks turned pink again as Gansey and Ronan approached them. 

“Small world,” Gansey said, beaming. “Are you just finishing up?

“Yeah,” Adam replied. His voice sounded far away from his body. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, Ronan and I go to one of the Smithsonian’s every week.” Of course they did. Gansey was studying “ museum curation with a focus in Welsh history and Mythology ” and Ronan was studying something. Probably art. Gansey’s attention turned to Blue. “Did you see anything you liked?”

Adam expected Blue to scoff or say something rude, but instead she smiled. Apparently anyone was better than Tad. “The Purvis Young collection was incredible.” She said, pulling out her phone. “But the building itself was my favorite. Do you want to see the pictures I took?”

Gansey clearly wasn’t expecting her welcoming attitude either, but he nodded enthusiastically. The two were so distracted with each other, they both seemed to forget that Adam and Ronan were also there. 

Ronan turned to him. “You on a date?”

So they had seen Tad. In a desperate attempt to save face, Adam threw his friend under the bus. “No. Blue was actually. I set them up.”

“So you were,” Ronan eyed Gansey and Blue, skeptical. Their heads were close together as they huddled over Blue’s phone, “chaperoning?”

“Blue has a fear of public transport,” Adam blurted. Stupid . “She can’t ride the green alone.”

Ronan deliberately ignored Adam’s bullshit.“So why on earth would you set her up on a date with Tad Curruthers?”

Adam’s head swiveled away from Gansey and Blue, mortified.“You know him?”

“We went to prep school together. He’s like the last person Blue would ever go out with. Actually, I think he’s the last person anyone would want to go out with.”

Ronan attending prep school surprised Adam. Yet, somehow he could picture it clearly: Ronan clad in a school uniform, learning dead languages. Ronan was quite different now, but there were inklings of privilege in the set of his shoulders, the jut of his jaw. He slowly re-contextualized his and Gansey’s apartment. Maybe the books weren’t all his roommate's 

“They have,” Adam tried to think of something, anything , to say. Ronan probably thought he was a moron. “Things in common. They both like… art,” he finished lamely. 

“God,”  Ronan scoffed, “I hope no one asks you for dating advice. Next you’ll be saying they both eat food.”

Feeling tired, embarrassed, and a little defensive, Adam bit. “Yeah, because you're such a big romantic yourself.”

Ronan suddenly looked Adam straight in the eyes. His gaze was steady and his voice was a little more serious. “I know a lot about love.” 

Blue suddenly laughed loudly at something Gansey said, drawing the attention of Ronan, Adam, and the other inhabitants of the entrance. They looked happy and sheepish and Adam wanted to vomit. He would figure it out, the Blue thing. There were so many people in the world, so many people who weren’t Gansey. So what if Tad was the worst possible option for Blue. Next time, he’d find someone she’d actually enjoy. 

So Adam stood there, in the grand entrance of the Smithsonian Art Museum and sent out a silent cry to someone, anyone. Please, let this all work out . The thought echoed on the marble floors, the wood walls, and tried to find something Adam believed in. And, as Adam and Blue got back on the green line and headed home, Adam hoped the universe would cry back.

Part 3: End of the Night

Adam did not spend spring break with Tad in Ibiza. In fact, Tad no longer stopped in McDonough after class to talk to Adam. Instead, the Monday after the disaster date at the Smithsonian, Tad made eye contact with him in the loud hall, looked down, and kept walking. Adam considered it a blessing. 

Instead Adam stayed in D.C. for spring break. Last summer, before they rented their apartment, Blue and Adam stayed at Blue’s childhood home in Northern Virginia. That’s where Blue was during spring break, helping her mom’s new boyfriend move in. The week was nice, Adam hadn’t used Tinder in nearly a month, but managed to sleep with three different people in the time of Blue’s absence. It was excessive, but it was something he could control. 

Malory responded to his email, delighted to know of his connection to Gansey. Therefore, Adam had an internship. He would help Malory with case organization and cataloging at school, an option far more attractive than coffee running. 

Life was good. 

It was mid March, and campus was coming back to life. The trees sprouted new leaves, and the grass changed from a dusty brown to a rich and vibrant green. Suddenly, walks home were more tolerable. When it wasn’t cold, and Adam wasn’t rushed, there was more time to look, to appreciate. Sometimes he missed the vast Virginian landscape. But when D.C. warmed he saw hints of it peeking through the sidewalk cracks. 

He was still persistent on finding Blue someone to date, but it was different. After Tad, Adam realized that a good friend didn’t set their friends up with micro-aggressive, probably gay, future prosecutors. Now, he just wanted Blue to be happy. And although Gansey and Blue were all of a sudden very tête-à-tête, he didn’t want her to date him. Gansey, though well-meaning, would inevitably annoy Blue or at the very least, disappoint her. Adam was already disappointing her enough. He had to make it right.

Although Gansey would be a horrible boyfriend to Blue, he still deserved Adam’s thanks. He got him an internship after all. 

That Thursday, when Adam knocked on the door of their apartment, Gansey answered quickly. He looked well rested, which was not something you could say about Adam. 

“Adam?” He said, pushing his glasses further up his nose. “Come in, come in!” He told him, motioning him through the door. Adam only planned on keeping his thanks brief, but he didn’t have the heart to ignore Gansey’s request. “I just picked up some new texts from Lauinger. Have you been there? It’s much uglier than Williams, but they have some wonderful archives.”

Adam had not been to Lauinger Library. Sometimes he forgot that although Gansey and Ronan were also Georgetown Students, they attended class on the other campus. They surely had cars to commute. Suddenly, a low swoop of jealousy ran through Adam. 

“I haven’t, no,” Adam said as Gansey ushered him into the living room. There were just as many books as last time, but now, instead of silence, the record player was on. The music was orchestral and bright, the strings lightly plucking and the winds playing in unison. 

“Sorry,” Gansey said, walking to the record player, lifting the needle. Chainsaw was curled up on the armchair, her dark head wrapped lazily around her lithe body. “Ronan and his Prokofiev, I tell you. I think Ronan likes him more than he likes me.”

Adam had no clue who Prokofiev was, but he was nonetheless surprised to hear Ronan listened to them. Ronan, he was learning, was an enigma. He was simultaneously a denouncer of school and a pretentious snob. 

“I wanted to thank you, in person, for helping me with Malory.” Adam started, sitting down on the couch. “I got an internship.”

Gansey beamed, sitting down on the spot next to Adam. “I knew you would. You’re incredible.”

Flustered by the direct complement, Adam looked at his feet. He noticed his trousers were a little frayed at the hem, so, embarrassed, he looked back up. Suddenly, the apartment door opened, announcing Ronan Lynch’s arrival. He walked into the living space, whistling the same tune on the record player mere minutes before, stopping when he saw the room was occupied. 

“Gansey,” he saluted. He then looked at Adam and smirked. “Parrish.” He looked for a second more and Adam, unwinding under his gaze, almost said something. But, then as soon as he was there, he was gone. Adam heard the door of his room slam shut. 

“So,” Gansey started, “What do you know about Welsh kings?”

On the seventeenth of April, Adam and Blue decided that due to passing their midterms (Malory still hadn’t graded his final, but he assumed he’d passed.), they deserved a little treat. Granted, they would get a little treat if they failed their midterms as well, but it was fun to pretend they earned it. 

They decided to go to a coffeehouse that Blue described as gentrified, but instagrammable. The building was just that. The lights were bright and the walls were stark white. Greenery hung from the ceiling in a way that looked unintentional, although Adam knew it definitely was. 

It was at the coffeehouse that Blue and Adam met Henry Cheng. 

He was their barista, his voice was just as confident and grandiose as his hair. Adam thought he was perfect for Blue. 

“Oh,” Henry said as Blue was paying, “I love your wallet! Wherever did you get it?”

Blue pshawed . “This old thing?” She held it up to Henry’s face. The wallet was a quilted pattern that reminded Adam of a grandmother. He never knew his, but he imagined if he did, she would have quilts. And maybe, love for Adam . “I got it at the Goodwill. Thirty cents.”

“Oh, we have to be friends.”

While Adam and Blue waited for their orders (Henry insisted on having the more experienced barista behind the counter make their drinks), Henry and Blue continued to chat. Adam wasn’t really paying attention, although he heard snippets of their conversation: Madonna, romance novels, the green line. He wondered if setting Blue up with someone would have been easier if he just let it happen. Henry and Blue exchanged phone numbers as they left, and the gears in Adam’s head churned. Henry sounded social, he would certainly want to go out with Blue if she suggested it. 

“He seemed nice,” Adam mused as they walked down the sidewalk. The sun was brighter than it had been in weeks. Summer was in sight. 

“Oh, Henry is wonderful. Did you hear he’s getting his masters in public policy right now? He could totally use a sociologist to help him on future campaign projects.”

“You should ask him to hang out sometime this weekend,” Adam found himself saying, scheming. 

“Were you not listening at all?” Blue replied. She accusingly pointed her coffee cup in Adam’s direction. “A Madonna tribute band is playing at Black Cat tomorrow night. We already made plans to go.”

Blue was better at match-making than Adam. Soon the two would fall in love and get married and dominate the campaign trail together. And Adam, well, Adam would be alone, but he was used to it. Even if he would never experience love, he still wanted his best friend to. And, the apartment would probably be emptier. At least Adam would always have sex. 

As Adam and Blue walked home, the sun crawled its way to the center of the sky, shining, beaming down on them.

The next evening, Blue entered Adam’s room. He was sitting at his desk, working on another case study. Law school, more than anything, was repetitive. However, Adam assumed life after school would be repetitive too. Everyday millions of people woke up and did the exact thing they did the day before. Adam was no different. 

“Don’t miss me too much tonight, okay?” Blue said, moving behind where Adam sat, running her thin fingers through his hair. Adam leaned into the touch. Her nails itched the base of his scalp, sending a wave of calm though Adam. His childhood might have been easier if more people ran their fingers through his hair, rubbed his back. Now, he had Blue. 

“I think you’re forgetting that I literally am home-alone all the time.” Adam closed his laptop. “I can survive a few hours from you.”

“Oh, but it’ll be so hard.”

In actuality, Adam wasn’t spending the evening alone. A girl from Tinder was coming over. Her bio said she, like Blue, was also studying sociology at Howard. Normally, Adam would never invite someone over that Blue might know, but the concert with Henry would be hours. The chances of them crossing paths was zero. 

Blue left after their conversation, bidding Adam a dramatic farewell before she loudly slammed the door in his face. She was in a great mood. Adam hoped it was because she liked Henry. 

His hookup came over an hour later. She smelled like lavender and citrus and they had sex twice before Adam walked her out the apartment and to the building entrance. Relieved and refreshed, Adam started back up the stairs when he heard voices enter the hallway. 

“Parrish!” Ronan called from behind him. Under the timbre of his voice Adam could pick up the slightest hint of anger. But then again, Ronan was always a little angry. “Move on from Tad so quickly?”

Adam turned around to fire back when he saw Ronan wasn’t alone. He was smudgy, and pale, and-

“You!” Adam shouted. The other man pointed at himself, confused. “Yes, you. You’ve been stealing my study room for weeks!”

“It always says it's free when I go to request it.” The man said sheepishly. His voice was soft, barely above a whisper. “You can’t get mad at me for using public property.”

Ronan’s expression was ecstatic, like Christmas had come early. Adam finally took a second to acknowledge him. He had a portfolio bag in his arms and a gig bag strapped to his back. Why did Ronan always have so much stuff?

“Oh, this is fucking great.” He laughed. “Czerny doesn’t even go to Georgetown and he took your study room? Gansey’s going to be so mad when I tell him.”

“What?” Adam tore his gaze from Ronan, landing back at Czerny. “That’s impossible. How did you get access to the requesting database if you aren’t a student?”

Czerny shrugged. “Ronan gave me his log in info. I needed to use the library to work on my start-up company. It’s called SkateForChange. Are you the lawyer neighbor or the social justice warrior? Either way, you should totally invest.” 

Adam needed to sit down. Suddenly, everything was too much, too confusing. “How do you know Ronan?”

Ronan answered for Czerny. “We work together, at GoSkate? I let Noah use the library when I’m close by.” He turned to Noah, smiling wider. His teeth were sharp and impossibly white. “I didn’t know you were going to Williams though. That's not even on main campus, dude.”

Noah shrugged again. Adam was quickly learning that Noah shrugged in the same way Adam sighed. 

The conversation lulled. Adam was getting tired now, his social battery low. But, for some reason, maybe Blue was right about him being lonely, he wanted to keep talking to Ronan. 

“What’s in the bags?”

Now it was Ronan’s turn to look sheepish. “Uh,” he said suddenly sounding nervous. This was unlike any Ronan Adam ever interacted with. He held up the portfolio bag. “Some portraits I’m working on.” He turned slightly to the side, and gestured to the gig bag with his free arm. “And my bassoon.” He muttered the last part, checks flushing. 

Now, it was Adam’s turn to grin. Was that why Ronan was  listening to that classical music? It was a comical thing to imagine. Ronan, sitting in orchestra, in his concert black. Wetting the reed and puffing up his cheeks to play. He thought of that Degas painting, Ronan sat with the musicians in the orchestra pit. He was teetering on the edge of something. It was probably time for him to go to bed. 

“I didn’t know you blew.” This was flirting. Adam blamed it on exhaustion. 

“Oh he does, ” Noah said. Adam forgot he was there. “You know, Ronan told me one time that if he could be any instrument it would be the bassoon. Cause you know, in German the bassoon is called fa-”

“Shut the fuck up, Noah.” Ronan cursed, hitting him with his portfolio bag. Adam had never seen Ronan’s cheeks so red. 

“Anyway,” Ronan huffed, “If you two are done ridiculing me, I wanted to tell you, Parrish, that Czerny and I are planning a birthday dinner for Gansey next week. Weirdo doesn’t have any other friends, besides us and maybe Malory. You and Indigo should come.”

Adam considered, mind still racing from the revelation about the bassoon . “I’ll check with Blue.” He didn’t want Gansey and Blue to hang out. Not when there was Henry. “Do you think Blue can bring a plus one?”

“Sure.” Ronan said. “I’m sure Dick would love the illusion of having more friends than he does. Fuck, bring the whole law student body if I care.”

It was perfect. After Gansey saw that Blue and Henry were clearly in love, he would back off. In just one week everything would be exactly how Adam wanted it. He parted ways with Ronan and Noah, feeling lighter than he had in days. Floating, smiling, he collapsed into bed and fell asleep in seconds. 

Gansey turned twenty-five on the cusp of Aries and Taurus, although Blue said Gansey definitely had strong Gemini placements in his birth chart, too much mutable energy. Adam didn’t know anything about astrology except that he was a Cancer and that when Blue did his birth chart a few years ago, she sighed in pity. Adam didn’t care that he was cosmically doomed though, he could figure that out without the stars telling him. 

Clearly the stars were taking a break from Adam though, because when he suggested Blue bring Henry to the party, Blue agreed immediately. Apparently, the Madonna concert was great. For a matter of fact, Blue was glowing all week. Adam heard her on the phone nights before, talking in a hushed voice, giggling every so often. It seemed that Blue and Henry were in love. Adam couldn't believe how easily it was all working out. 

Gansey’s party was the Friday after his actual birthday. Adam thankfully had little homework due on Monday. Malory canceled class twice this week. While Blue got ready and Adam sat on the closed toilet, Blue informed him that Henry would be a little late. “He has to get Gansey a gift,” Blue said, putting in her earrings. “They have mutual friends.”

Even better. If he already liked Henry, Gansey wouldn’t even be too sad about Blue being with him. He picked at the hem of his sweater. It was a deep green, and a little frayed, but according to Blue it made his eyes look pretty. 

“I’m glad you like him.” Adam smoothed the hem of his sleeve back down. “I’m really happy for you.”

Blue smiled a bit oddly. She must be embarrassed about the relationship, it’s new-ness. “Yeah.” She finished her last earring. “It’s always nice to meet more people. I wish you tried more often.”

It was Adam’s turn to smile oddly. He was perfectly fine with casual. 

When Gansey opened the door, he smiled jovially at the two of them. Adam was glad he was in a good mood. He didn’t want Blue’s new relationship to hurt too much. 

The apartment was practically glowing. Either Ronan or Noah had an eye for ambient lighting, because the soft glow of the lamps and the lone candle on the round kitchen table made the space cozy and soft. The apartment smelled delicious as well, like someone just baked bread. Feeling dizzy and warm Adam breathed in deep. If I dare speak, I fear I may wake up from this dream . Somewhere in the apartment, Ronan and Noah were laughing. 

It was all very lovely, the party. Blue told the others her friend would be late, so they decided to wait to have dinner. Ronan and Noah were still scuffling in what Adam guessed was the bathroom. Blue and Gansey were sitting in the living room speaking in hushed tones, but Adam didn’t mind. When Henry arrived, it would all be over. 

He found himself walking down the hallway that led to the bedrooms. He entered the room at the end of the hall, it was clearly Ronan’s. Although messy, and undeniably boy, the walls were covered head to toe in art. Ronan slept in the Smithsonian. At the foot of Ronan’s bed sat Chainsaw, her fur shiny and her eyes closed. He sat on the edge of the bed, stroking her. Chainsaw leaned into the touch, much like Adam leaned into Blue’s fingernails. Adam glanced back at Ronan’s walls. Some of the works were prints, but others looked real, the lines on some littered in eraser marks, others with paint built on thick. He got off the bed and was studying a larger print, when Ronan appeared in the doorway. 

“There you are,” he said, voice softer than usual. 

Adam spun, startled. “Shit, I should’ve asked.” 

Ronan approached his side, looking up at the print Adam was studying. “It’s fine. My door was open."

They stared at the print a bit longer. It was a woman, lying in bed. Her blonde hair spilled over the white covers, her face peaceful. Sleeping. Dreaming. It was a beautiful concoction of white, lavender, and gold. 

“It’s pretty, right?” Ronan said. Adam could feel his eyes on him. They glanced away. 

“Is it yours?”

“Nah, it's a Wyeth. Saw it in person when Gansey and I went to Maine last summer.” He brought his leather band to his wrist and chewed.

Adam's chest was tight. “It must be nice ,” he found himself saying, “to have someone paint you like that. To be a muse.”

“Eh,” Ronan sighed, “It’d be nice, sure. But I guess I think more about Wyeth. The real woman, his wife,  she died not much after he painted this. It hurts to paint for someone who will never be able to see it, to appreciate it.” 

“Do you have a muse?” Adam asked, “A sleeper like her?”

Ronan shrugged. “Probably,” he smiled, eyes a little dazed. Adam fought the urge to reach out, touch his face. “But I think I’m okay with them not knowing.” His eyes remained fixed on the picture. “They don’t feel the same way.”

Adam was suddenly quite angry. Here was Ronan, heart on his sleeve, alone and rejected. How dare his muse? A person unaware of Ronan's affection surely didn’t deserve him. Maybe, after Blue and Henry were settled down, he’d find someone for Ronan. It was only right. 

Just then, the oven timer went off. “I better get that,” Ronan said. And then he was gone. Adam stared at the woman for a second longer, memorizing the lines of her face. He went back to the kitchen to join the others. 

The doorbell rang. Henry was here. Gansey let him in, grinning. “Gansey-boy,” Henry sang, “Why did it take Blue for me to get invited?” He turned to the rest of the group. They were all sitting around the table. “Hey, baby.” Adam, although a little disgusted by the pet name, was pleased. Henry and Blue must have moved fast. 

But then, something was very, very wrong, because Blue wasn’t looking at Henry, she was looking at Gansey. And when a voice responded “Hey” back, Blue's mouth wasn’t moving. And then, as if reality was bending in half, Noah Czerny, the asshole that stole his study room, stood up from the table, waltzed over to Henry and kissed him. 

“While we're on the subject,” Blue said, “Gansey and I are dating. We wanted to wait until we were all together to say something.” She reached out and touched Gansey’s hand, their fingers tangling together. 

If Adam was dreaming, now would be a great time to wake up. Suddenly, the warm light in the kitchen was suffocating. The smell of bread overtook his nose, overpowering his senses. He needed to throw up. 

Adam stood up, looked down at Ronan. 

“Where’s the bathroom?”

The rest of Gansey’s party was blurry. Adam had the vaguest idea of what was happening, but for most of it, he sat in silence, afraid that if he moved or spoke the night would get worse. In retrospect, it probably couldn’t. 

And, while watching Gansey and Blue, the two leaning into each other like flames, Adam couldn’t deny it any longer. His best friend was dating his neighbor and Adam would have to accept it. The reality had hit: Adam wanted Blue to date Henry because he wouldn’t have to see it. He wouldn’t know it was lurking on the floor below him, glasses askew, apartment messy. And there was another horrible truth. His friends were happy, and Adam was alone, and this was nobody’s doing but his. 

They left later that evening, Blue glowing and Adam a little tipsy. The drinking was unplanned, and Ronan eyed him warily when Adam had two beers, three, but Adam, ever the masochist, needed to hurt more. 

Blue noticed something was wrong when they entered the apartment. She hung up her quilt jacket and turned to Adam, eyes worried. “Adam,” she asked, grabbing his hand, forcing him to look down at her. “What’s wrong?”

“What about Henry?”

“What about him?”

“I thought,” Adam blinked, swallowed. “I thought you were seeing him?”

Blue blinked, swallowed, and then she laughed. “Adam, Henry and I don’t like each other like that. He told us about his boyfriend at Maman’s the day we met. Where you not listening at all?”

“But- I- the phone calls, the giggling, he took you to a concert!”

“Yeah, a Madonna tribute show. He obviously isn’t into women.”

“I like Madonna.”

“No, you don’t.”

The two stood there in the entrance in silence. Adam was struck by the reality of his life. He knew nothing about love. 

Blue spoke again, softly. “Do you really not like Gansey?”

Adam ran a hand over his face and sighed. “It’s not that I don’t like him, it’s just- it’s just- How did you even start dating? I thought you hated him?

“I never hated him, he just annoyed me. We actually had a really good conversation about the Purvis Young exhibit, at the Smithsonian? He likes art and history, he likes people, he likes me. He makes me laugh.”

Adam wasn’t satisfied with Blue’s answer. “But are you sure he’s good for you? What if you break up and then we’ll see your ex all the time because he’s our neighbor .” Sometimes, words slipped out of Adam's mouth before he could regret them. He needed to go to bed. 

Blue’s expression turned icy. Her words were clipped. “I didn’t realize you were such an expert on dating. God, Adam, you tried to set me up with Tad . You thought I was dating Henry while he already had a boyfriend. You try so hard to match-make or whatever, but all you know about love is Tinder hookups.”

“Why do you think I was trying to set you up with people?” Adam’s voice was getting louder, much too loud for their tiny hallway, their thin walls. “I was trying to get you out of the apartment so you wouldn’t have to witness my sex life. God forbid you see that. Poor Adam, so disgusting and pathetic and unloveable.”

Blue was crying now. “People do love you, Adam. Sometimes I wished you could get your head out of your ass and notice.”

And with that, she spun around, walked down to her room, and shut the door. Adam stood in the hallway, a second passed, then a minute. He was frozen, his eyes stinging with anger. He left the hallway, and entered his bedroom. The bed, rumpled, stared at Adam, taunting him. Giving it the finger and changing out of his clothes, Adam gave in to its call. He put his face into his pillow and finally allowed his eyes to well and his tears to stain his pillow.

The next week was at best awful and at worst life-ruining. Noah wasn’t renting the study room anymore, he probably felt guilty about it now that they knew each other. But for Adam, it didn’t really matter. His motivation to study was at an all time low. And, to make matters worse, Malory was absent from class the entire week. Sometimes, when Adam was overwhelmed a canceled class was nice, but right now, all he needed was a distraction. 

Blue was still avoiding him. They exchanged awkward and clipped words in passing, but she spent most of the week out of the apartment. Probably canoodling with Gansey . And, despite being alone, Adam hadn’t slept with anyone at all. Suddenly, sex was embarrassing, a reminder to himself that Blue was happy and he was stupid. He didn’t deserve to be around anyone, regardless of circumstance. He would only poison, ruin. The only upside was that he was miraculously STD free. 

It was later that week when he received a knock on the apartment door. He was in the middle of a reading on child custody, and his body was burning. It was nearly May, and their building had little air conditioner, so the window was open. The sound of the wind and the passing of cars meant that Adam barely heard the knock. They knocked again, louder. 

It was Gansey. He looked, well, he looked awful. Usually Gansey’s rumpled appearance was endearing. But Adam could see he was clearly affected by something, his smile was weak and didn’t reach his eyes. 

“Blue’s not here.”

“I know,” Gansey’s voice shook, “I was looking for you.”

Adam ushered him in, bringing him into the living space. For some reason, Gansey looked at home in the small space, the velvet of the couch and dark green of the snake plant complimented him. Adam waited. He had let Gansey in, his job was done. 

“I have bad news,” Gansey started, grabbing the embroidered sequin pillow, holding it close to his body. “It’s about your internship.”

Adam waited. Gansey clutched the pillow tighter and looked up at the Degas print. Adam watched him study the lines of the ballerina and the colors surrounding her. 

“I always loved Degas,” Gansey said. “His horse series is so beautiful. It’s too bad he was an anti-semite.”

“Gansey what is it?” Adam was frustrated now, anxious. 

Gansey looked down at his lap, took a deep breath and blurted out, “Malory’s dead. He had a heart attack last night.”

When Adam was fourteen his English teacher died. Car accident. He was a kind man, that despite Adam’s best interests, cared for him, thought he would amount to something. Adam never went to his funeral, never had time to grieve. The day he found out, when he came home to the doublewide after school, his father took one look at him and said “ My son doesn’t cry .”

Adam didn’t cry now either. He just sat in silence. He didn’t have anything to say, so why force it?

“I’m sure you're wondering what that means for the internship. I talked to his department for you, they said they’d push it back until next summer, when they can find a replacement professor.”

Adam didn’t have until next summer. Next summer he’d graduate, he’d be looking for jobs. 

“Adam, say something.”

“I shouldn’t have asked for your help. You shouldn’t have offered it.” It wasn’t Gansey’s fault, Adam knew it. But Adam was angry and Gansey was there. “God, why did you even say anything about an internship with him?”

“I was just trying to help.”

“Yeah, but I don’t need it.”

Gansey’s eyes wavered, his voice was dripping in sadness when he said, “I’m upset about this too.”

“Just leave Gansey,” Adam said, blinking up at the ceiling. He sighed, “I need to send out some emails.”

Part 4: Eve

In the end, Adam found another internship quite quickly, though it wasn’t as appealing as document organizing with Malory. He started June first, at a family and divorce firm that should have been right up his alley, but they paid poorly and it was a thirty minute commute from the townhouse. It also sounded like he would be doing a lot of coffee runs. 

Malory’s class was taken over by another faculty member, who was clearly unfamiliar with the material. What was once Adam’s favorite class was now a slugfest to sit through. It was much more boring and reminded Adam that Malory was dead, he was going to work at Thatcher&Co in a month, and that Gansey and Blue still were mad at him. 

Later that week Adam found himself thinking about the Smithsonian Art Museum. It had been over a month ago, yet his mind kept drifting back to the Virgin Mary, the tall ceilings, the warm light. He couldn’t go over to Gansey’s, which meant Adam was deprived of softness, of art. He didn’t particularly want to take the green line, but the destination was free. Adam loved free things (sometimes). 

So, he took the green line to the Smithsonian because Blue wasn’t home and Tinder made him want to vomit. He sat on the train, put his earbuds in, and let his mind wander. He thought back to Blue and Gansey, to Henry and Noah. How often was his happiness ruined by his own preparation? The more he tried, the more things fell apart. He made a promise to himself: I will try to let things happen to me . 

The line informed him it was his stop, so left the train, nearly tripping over the doorway. Surrounding him was the rest of D.C., blissfully unaware of Adam’s torment. He kept walking. 

The Smithsonian was still there (where else could it have gone?), and Adam had felt more calm than he had in days. A child ran and bumped into his legs, startling him. But instead of crying or screaming for a parent, the boy laughed and kept running. His short legs carried him up the stairs of the museum, bringing him to his family. Adam sighed. 

Adam hadn’t been gone long enough for the museum to bring in a new exhibit, but Adam found he didn’t mind. The halls were silent, he heard only his breath. He wandered for what felt like hours, not even bothering to read the descriptions of the art. He focused more on what he saw, what he felt. He didn’t need a label to tell him what something should mean to him. 

He sat down on a leather ottoman in an alcove, the small space cleared for a large piece. It was a landscape of a water clearing, at the base of a cliff. It reminded Adam of Virginia, the lush trees, the rolling hills. He was small in the painting's presence, yet he was okay with it. 

A person sat down next to him, their warm shoulder brushing Adam’s. “I always look at this one too,” Ronan said. “It reminds me of where I grew up. 'Course the pictures of California but,” he shrugged, shoulder rubbing against Adam's, "everywhere kinda looks the same."

“What are you doing here?”

“I was looking for you, actually. Need to talk to you.”

Adam was very nervous to ask about what, so instead he deflected. “How did you know where I was?”

“Just a feeling,” Adam raised his eyebrows at him, doubtful. Ronan scoffed. “Okay no, I forced Blue to tell me where you were. Life360’s fuckin' goated.”

Adam was too nervous to look away from the painting. He could feel Ronan’s eyes on him, though, hot and unwavering. 

“Look, Parrish,” Ronan huffed, getting it over with. “Gansey’s really upset about Malory, isn’t sleeping, rotting on the couch and shit. Blue didn’t know the old fucker and I only saw him in passing. He needs someone to talk to. I know you fought, or whatever, but you’re his friend. I don’t know if you know that, but you are.”

Adam kept staring ahead. Standing at the edge of the water was a group of deer, their horns delicately twisted, their fur soft. “And besides,” Ronan continued, “I think Chainsaw misses you.”

A smile started to tug at Adam's cheeks. "Well, we can't have that."

“Just talk to him, alright? I can’t stand seeing Dick so,” he searched for the word, “deflated.”

“A deflated Dick,” Adam mused, “Yeah, that can’t be good for anyone.”

“Tell me about it. Blue must be dying.”

“So you’re okay with it? Gansey and Blue?” 

“Yeah, man. They get each other, you know? They’re both curious, and I guess- I guess they both care a lot, for people. I think they should be able to care for each other.”

“You deserve someone too,” Adam found himself saying. But this time, when blurting out something to Ronan, he wasn’t embarrassed. He believed it. 

Adam finally turned his body towards Ronan, taking him in. Ronan was looking at him with a peculiar expression, like something Adam said didn’t make sense. Ronan had always been handsome, Adam was deaf, not blind, but there was something about the soft yellow light that made his stomach swoop, low and dangerous. Here was Ronan, an asshole, painter and musician, a good friend, and a good person. 

Adam, for the second time that year, found himself praying in the Smithsonian. Please . 

Ronan looked away from him, suddenly stoic. He thought for a second, Adam could see the gears turning in his head. “You know,” he started, slyly, “I have an orchestra concert next week. Still want to see me blow?”

Adam did. But he couldn’t imagine Ronan in his concert black. Instead, all he saw was Ronan, in nothing at all, his mouth wrapped around something a lot more appealing than the bassoon.

“Yeah,” Adam breathed. “I’d love to.”

“Great,” Ronan breathed back, his head bowed and his face flushed. “It’s on city campus, at Gaston. Do you even know where that is?”

“I know how to get to city campus. I’m not Noah.” 

“Yeah, well, I think excessive marijuana messes with your brain after a while. You should cut him some slack.”

Adam smiled. So did Ronan. Adam didn’t think he wanted to use Tinder anymore. Maybe seeing your neighbor wasn’t the worst thing in the world. He needed to apologize to Blue. 

So, there sat Adam and Ronan at the Smithsonian. And despite being surrounded by thousands of works of art, they only had eyes for each other. Something was starting. Something was starting.

Roger Malory had a closed casket funeral at the Dumbarton Oaks Gardens, a place so beautiful, Adam forgot he was at a funeral. Maybe , he thought, that was the point . The spring had fully arrived in D.C., the world was vibrant and young. 

The funeral itself was short, and Adam recognized some of the speakers from campus, some of them other faculty. They told stories of Malory, his time at Georgetown, his affinity for Welsh history and mythology. Adam had never really felt close to Malory, despite having an internship with him. Suddenly, he wished he got to know him better, while he was still alive. 

He found Gansey after the reception. He was standing at the edge of the group, peering down at some tulips in a nearby bed. He looked better than he did the last time Adam saw him, although it wasn’t much of an improvement. Adam finished his orange juice, braced himself, and walked over. 

As if sensing his arrival, Gansey looked up and smiled. As Adam neared, Gansey reached out, putting his hand on Adam’s shoulder. “Hey, tiger.”

“It was a nice reception. I didn’t know Malory was so involved in some of that curation stuff. Why did he teach law?”

“Oh, Wales was only a side-hobby. He didn’t come from money. It wasn’t a viable career path.”

Adam often thought Gansey had yet to develop class consciousness. Adam suddenly felt he had been very wrong about him the entire time they had known each other. 

“I wanted to tell you,” Adam started, blinking out the brightness of the sun, “that I’m sorry for your loss. I should have been cooler about it when you told me.”

“Don’t worry about it. You lost something too, whether you cared about Malory or not. You were grieving for a lost opportunity.”

Adam didn’t know what to say to that, so instead he earnestly told Gansey, “I’m happy for you and Blue. I’m sorry I never said anything. You’re a good guy, Gansey. She’s lucky to have you.”

“I’m lucky too.”

Adam and Gansey stood there for a while longer, feeling the warm May sun on the backs of their necks. And then the congregation ended, so they both went home, hearts lighter, fuller. 

Blue was on the couch when Adam got back from the funeral, watching the Bachelorette. Wrapped in a crocheted blanket, wearing a Georgetown pullover that Adam did not recognize, she silently scooted over, giving Adam the opportunity to sit. 

“So, it’s occurred to me that I’ve been a moron.”

Blue hummed. “Yes, I’d say so.”

“And that I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

“Go on.”

“You’re my best friend, Blue. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like that wasn’t true.”

Blue nodded. “Don’t you ever take my love for granted, Adam Parrish. Just because I’m dating Gansey now doesn’t mean I don’t have any room for you.”

The rose ceremony was starting. Jesse Palmer was talking to the remaining men, their faces fearful. 

“And,” Blue said, “Now you can hook up some more!" She wagged her shoulders playfully. “Maybe Mark is still looking for love.”

“I’m not sure about Tinder anymore,” Adam confessed, his heart congested. “I think I want to try for real.”

“Anyone in particular?”

“Your boyfriend's roommate isn’t too bad.”

Blue laughed. “Oh yeah, he’s not on Tinder. I don’t even think he has a phone.”

If you had asked Adam in January that he and Blue would be deleting Tinder because they were down bad for their neighbors, Adam would have laughed. But, hey, things happened. It was up to them to let it. 

Adam suddenly thought of something. 

“Are you sure Ronan doesn’t have a phone?”

“No, why?”

“I have no idea what time his concert is.”

Part 5: Dans Le Lit

It was the last week of the semester, and Adam was barely surviving. Finals were finals, yes, but what was really affecting him was the thought of seeing Ronan again. Blue got Ronan’s number from Gansey, to which Adam had used only once. 

When’s the concert?

wouldnt u like to know

Um…. yeah… that’s why I’m asking? 

may 11 at 4

Adam couldn’t wait for May eleventh at four. He also wished it would never come. Because, well, if he was being honest, ever since their chat at the Smithsonian, Adam couldn’t stop thinking about Ronan. He found himself walking slower in the stairwell in hopes of running into him, asking Blue about him after she got back from Gansey’s. He was pathetic, but it was Ronan. Maybe the more Adam said his name aloud, the more likely it would be for Ronan to appear. 

And then it was May eleventh. At two, Adam and Blue were in the bathroom again, but this time it was Adam who was getting ready. 

“Stop messing with your hair,” said Blue. She was sitting on the counter, her feet curled up to her side. 

“It won’t stay flat,” Adam grumbled. His eyes looked wider, more frantic, than usual. This is what he wanted to avoid. The more he looked at himself, the more flaws he saw: the chapped edges of his lips, the splatter of freckles on his nose. He was a crazed mad-man. 

“Yeah,” Blue pointed to him in the mirror. “And it looks good. Adam, if Ronan doesn’t like you, it probably has nothing to do with how you look .” Adam scowled at her. Sensing his anxiety, Blue backpedaled. “What I’m saying is- Adam- you're hot, you're getting a degree, Ronan already likes your personality for some reason.” She grabbed his chin, turning his face towards her. 

“He’d be stupid to not want you.”

“But his muse,” Adam whined. “He’s like in love with someone. He told me himself.”

Blue let go of him and pshawed . “What do you know? You thought Henry was in love with me .”

“And I’ve seen the error of my ways.”

Blue ruffled his hair. “That’s better. Now tell me about Ronan’s bassoon. That’s the craziest shit I’ve ever heard.”

Gaston Hall was one of the older buildings on Georgetown Campus, and when Adam told Ronan he knew how to find it, he was only partially being truthful. He arrived ten minutes to four, finding a seat near the back. Adam knew Ronan wasn’t studying music, so it was strange to Adam that Ronan would willingly take a class he wasn’t getting degree credit for. But then he remembered that Ronan was more adjusted than he let on, and he probably had hobbies because he knew they were good for him. Adam’s hobby was, well, he didn’t have one. 

Gaston Hall was old and ornate, full of stained glass windows and carved wood walls. It reminded Adam of a church. Maybe something was looking out for him tonight, guiding him. Adam bit his lip and decided not to dwell on it. 

And then, the ensemble entered the stage. There were approximately one hundred of them, head to toe in black, scuffling to their chairs, adjusting their stands. Adam sat up in his seat, stretching his neck to get a glimpse of Ronan, when he saw him, much taller than the other students around him. He looked….he looked good . Adam’s stomach lurched. 

The concert was supposed to last nearly an hour, and although Adam liked to pretend he was an academic, a music enjoyer, all he could think about was seeing Ronan after. What would he say to him? Would he ask him out? Would Ronan say yes? Suddenly, Adam felt a little sick. 

But then, the director brought his hands up, and the ensemble brought their instruments to their faces, their bows to their stings. And they played. Adam had never loved live music, when Blue asked him to go to things he was always hesitant. Because of his deaf ear, it was hard to pick up all of the sound, hear the intricacies of the phrases. But, this, this was different. The orchestra swelled, leaving Adam a little breathless. He suddenly felt like, in the middle of the Gaston hall, he had found something to believe in. 

And then, as soon as it started, it was over. The lights turned back on, and the orchestra stood. Adam found himself standing, a little shaky, and clapping just as loudly as the rest of the audience. 

He shuffled out of the recital hall and into the lobby. Maybe he could make a run for it, tell Ronan he got lost. But no, he was brave, and it was worth it. He waited for a few minutes, while the orchestra members put their instruments away and then trickled back into the hallway. 

And then his stomach dropped. 

Ronan walked into the lobby, talking amicably with another man: he was handsome and a better shade of blonde than Adam. Ronan was laughing at something the other man was saying, his eyes bright and never leaving the other's face. It was his muse. It had to be. Ronan only ever looked at Gansey like that, so intimately, so tender. Loving. 

Adam was stupid. Why on earth would Ronan choose him? He felt sick for even thinking it to be possible.

Adam looked for the closest exit, but it was too late. Ronan saw him, eyes flashing in recognition and walked towards him. To Adam’s horror, he grabbed the other man’s hand, pulling him with him. The man saw Adam too, now, his smile growing wider. They were coming to let Adam down easy, to tell him they were in love, to break his heart and stomp it into the ground. 

“You came,” Ronan sighed, but his face looked concerned. “Parrish, are you okay? You look green?”

“I’m fine. Must have had some bad food earlier.”

Ronan turned to the blonde man, smiling at him. “I’ll catch up with you later, okay?” The man beamed back, fond. 

“See yah Ro. Great job.”

Ro . Yeah, Adam needed to lie down. The ground was unsteady beneath him. The only thing more embarrassing than crashing Ronan’s date was fainting in the middle of Gaston’s lobby. But, at least he’d be asleep. 

“Look,” Adam started, “I’m obviously not feeling well. You have a good time with your boyfriend, okay.”

Ronan blinked, once, twice. “What?”

“I’ll see you, around Lynch.” Adam spun around, walking hurriedly towards the door. He didn’t care that he was pushing people to the side, he needed to get away. 

He was walking so fast that he didn’t see Ronan behind him, clambering through the crowded hall. Adam was halfway down the lawn nearly to the bus station when he heard Ronan yell out towards him. 

“Parrish, wait.”

Adam spun back around, no longer caring about saving face. He was tired, and he was angry, and most importantly, he was very, very sad. “What, Lynch? Here to rub it in my face some more?” He rubbed his hands over his eyes. Maybe Ronan would be gone when he uncovered them. 

“What are you talking about?” Ronan asked, bewildered. He was resting his hands on his knees, bent over and panting. He must have run to catch up to him. 

“Your muse. The guy you're in love with? Why didn’t you tell me he liked you back?”

“Because that’s my brother !”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, good luck with that then.” He slowly started walking backwards, his feet sinking into the grass. “I think I need go to shoot myself in the face.” The sun was beating down hard now. Adam could see lines of sweat dripping down Ronan's face. 

“God, Adam, get over yourself.” Ronan said. Then, because maybe the universe did love him, Ronan took two large steps and then reached out and pulled in Adam at the base of his neck, and kissed him. 

In his first year of undergrad, Adam Parrish had his first kiss. It was with Blue, in her dorm room, and it was horrible. He remembered his nose poking Blue in the eye, his long body not sure how to meet with Blue’s short one. 

This kiss was nothing like that. 

Adam opened his mouth and kissed back. Ronan’s strong hands shifted from his neck to the small of his back, pulling Adam closer to him. Adam reached under Ronan’s shoulders, hands coming to rest at his mid-back. He was floating, flying, but Ronan was keeping him tethered to the ground. 

Suddenly Adam remembered the need for air and pulled back. Ronan’s face was flushed and his mouth was red and Adam had the sudden urge to learn circular breathing. Maybe Ronan could teach him.

“Adam,” Ronan whispered. “It’s you. You're my muse.”

Adam kissed him again. This time, he opened his mouth, Ronan gasping and biting down on his lip. Suddenly remembering they were in a public place, Adam pulled back. It was getting too hot, too heated. This time, Ronan’s face followed after him, not ready to stop. 

“Why- why didn’t you say anything?” Adam said. Ronan’s suit was hot under his fingers. 

“Dude,” he said, his head bowed. “You sleep with people all the time. I thought you weren’t interested.”

“How long?” Adam started, “I mean how long have you liked me?”

“Kind of since I first saw you.”

It was Adam’s turn to blink once, twice. “What?”

“You were hot, and a little mean, but you were my neighbor. I thought you hated me.” He looked down and shook his head, lashes resting on his cheeks. “If I cared about you less I’d be able to explain it better. But I’m shit at words. You know how I am.”

And then Adam started laughing. He laughed and he laughed, and then tears were falling out of his eyes. 

“Are you okay?” Ronan asked, fingers coming up to wipe them away. 

“Yeah,” Adam said, leaning into the touch. “Just happy.”

Epilogue: Tafelrunde

In retrospect, Adam should have known he was clueless about love. It had been one floor below him for nearly a year, and he was too stubborn to notice. But he had now. 

The night of the concert, Ronan drove him back to the townhouse. The windows were down, and Adam felt the air blow on his face. “ I can’t believe you thought I was in love with my brother .” 

Said brother was named Matthew, and apparently he knew about Adam, how Ronan felt about him. Apparently everyone knew how Ronan felt except Adam. Gansey was thrilled when the two stumbled through the door that night, Adams' hand on Ronan’s wrist, Ronan’s mouth attached to his neck. 

“Oh, hello.” He said looking up from his book. Adam shoved Ronan’s face away from his jaw, Ronan groaning in protest. 

“Blue!” Gansey called towards the hallway. “Come out of the bathroom! It’s finally happening!” He gave Ronan a double thumbs up. Adam was surprised to see Ronan give a double thumbs back. Chainsaw was asleep on the armchair. But then Ronan’s hands were pulling at Adam’s, leading them to his bedroom door. 

“Blue can see later,” he shouted back at Gansey, over his shoulder. He pushed Adam onto the bed and shut the door.

It was the twenty-nineth of May and the semester was finally over. He and Ronan were at the Goodwill looking for cheap art. 

“Fuck,” Ronan said leaning down, grabbing a frame off the bottom shelf, “This guy looks just like Malory. Did he have a dog?”

“I could barely understand him half the time he spoke in class,” Adam said while studying it. It did look like Malory. “For all I know he had twelve dogs.”

Ronan smirked. “And I only have ten.”

They ended up buying the picture for Gansey. 

“My treat,” said Ronan as they walked up to the register.

“Gee thanks. I wasn’t sure I could afford it.”

Ronan stole a quick kiss, then. Adam started smiling. 

“Of course,” Ronan continued, handing the painting to the cashier. “It would be tasteless not to provide for my boyfriend. Especially for such a rare find.”

The cashier asked for two dollars and then they made their way out of the store.

That night, Gansey and Blue, Noah and Henry, and now, Adam and Ronan celebrated the end of the semester in Gansey’s kitchen. The candles and the soft lighting were back, and Gansey had made more bread. 

“I can’t do everything,” Ronan said, when Adam asked if he had made it. “I have my limits.”

They were sitting around the table. Noah was talking to Blue about SkateForChange, Henry and Gansey both looking at the partners in awe. Gansey loved the Goodwill painting. Adam handed to him as they came through the door, and when Gansey saw it he started crying. 

“It’s just so beautiful,” he cried, wiping his tears, “Malory loved dogs.”

When Adam was still in Virginia, still living with his parents, it was hard to imagine his future. But somehow, after all these years, he was finally living it. He still had another year of school, another summer of an unenjoyable job, more hard days ahead. But it would be fine, as long as he didn’t try any more match-making. 

The night was very much like other nights, a little shabby and quiet. The hallways still smelled like piss, and the air conditioner was definitely broken. But in spite of these deficiencies, Adam, with his stomach full and his heart heavy, breathed in the warm kitchen, the smell of light, of laughter.