Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

phantom hearts of thieves?

9:37 AM

pushes up glasses: good morning thieves ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´-

smthng smthng pancakes: Whatever you say.

pushes up glasses: just bc ur having a bad morning doesn’t mean u get to ruin mine >:(

reveals your true form: “good morning” - words of futaba, someone who has not slept

pushes up glasses: I SLEPT

reveals your true form: i heard you at 4am giggling mischievously

pushes up glasses: why were YOU up at 4am

eat crepes fight creeps: if i’m up at 4am…. and you’re up at 4am…. then who’s driving the car?!?!? 🤯

m'lady: Good morning, Futaba! :)

pushes up glasses: thanks haru i love you

reveals your true form: it’s makoto she’s driving

eat crepes fight creeps: ok true

stand back heathen: Ah yes, memories of Mementos..

stand back heathen: Mementos of Mementos, if you will.

reveals your true form: is mementos a proper noun?

reveals your true form: @makochan

reveals your true form: @makochan

reveals your true form: @makochan

reveals your true form: im curious now

pushes up glasses: @makochan @makochan

pushes up glasses: @makochan

makochan: I’m on my way to class right now. This better be good.

reveals your true form: hi makoto :) :3

reveals your true form: have i ever told you how much i love you :333 uwu

pushes up glasses: CEASE YOUR UWUS

makochan: Get to it.

reveals your true form: is mementos a proper noun

makochan: As in the word or the place?

reveals your true form: ohhh yeah we were actually just really into an object or item that serves to remind one of something

eat crepes fight creeps: there is literally no way you just pulled that out of your brain

reveals your true form: yeah i had to look it up xoxo

makochan: Mementos is the name of a particular place, so yes, it is a proper noun.

makochan: It would be capitalized if that’s what you were wondering.

stand back heathen: So I was correct all along.

reveals your true form: i never doubted you yusuke <3

stand back heathen: Then why did you ask Makoto?

reveals your true form: i trust makoto more than any source

reveals your true form: i love you yusuke but that includes you

stand back heathen: Fair enough.

m'lady: I think Yusuke is a perfectly good source!

pushes up glasses: source: trust my friend yusuke bro

pushes up glasses: AKIRA WHERE ARE YOU ITS YOUR TURN TO WASH DISHES

reveals your true form: IM HANGING OUT W RYUJI AT THE ARCADE

reveals your true form: except. he hasn’t shown up yet

eat crepes fight creeps: babe (platonic) it is 9am on a sunday. his ass is NAWT up

reveals your true form: thanks for clarifying the platonicness of that “babe”

reveals your true form: i was a little worried there considering you are a lesbian and i am. a man

smthng smthng pancakes: Could’ve fooled me.

reveals your true form: are you complimenting my androgyny or insinuating that i’m a stupid little boy

smthng smthng pancakes: You said it, not me.

reveals your true form: choosing to believe it’s the former

reveals your true form: you’re prob right ann

reveals your true form: :(

reveals your true form: :((

reveals your true form: guess i’ll hang out here. all alone. by myself.

m'lady: I’m sorry Akira, I have classes in a little bit so I cannot come spend time with you!

reveals your true form: it’s okay haru i love you dearly

stand back heathen: I’m afraid I need to catch up on some sleep, or else I would come see you.

reveals your true form: yusuke have you not slept

stand back heathen: I refuse to answer questions without my lawyer present.

pushes up glasses: i’m a lawyer, he did it

eat crepes fight creeps: did what???))(

pushes up glasses: yes

eat crepes fight creeps: sorry akira, i have a shoot today :( or else we could totally go on a heterosexual date

reveals your true form: damn, next time then 3

reveals your true form: @makochan

makochan: Refer to my previous messages.

reveals your true form: why do u hate me

makochan: I’m sorry I won’t skip class to hang out with you.

reveals your true form: it’s ok i guess :/

makochan: I was being sarcastic.

kouhai: Senpai, you can come hang out with Akechi-senpai and I!

kouhai: We’re playing darts right now! :)

pushes up glasses: i have so many questions

reveals your true form: HOW DID YOU GET HIMNTO GO PLAY DARTS WIRH YOU

reveals your true form: HE HASNT PLAYED DARTS WITH ME SINCE JANUARY

kouhai: I’m not sure! I just asked if he was free! :D

reveals your true form: I ASKED HIM YESTERDAY HE SAID HE WAS BUSY?????

smthng smthng pancakes: You get whiny whenever I beat you at darts or billiards.

reveals your true form: we could have done???? literally anything else????

smthng smthng pancakes: Yoshizawa-san is significantly less annoying than you.

eat crepes fight creeps: okay word

reveals your true form: ann i’m literally going to steal ur girl don’t test me

eat crepes fight creeps: ermmm try me!

shiho!!!!

9:58 AM

akira!!!: hi shiho love of my life (in a gay way)

akira!!!: do u wanna hang out today all my friends hate me

shiho!!!: Oh yeah sure!! I was just thinking of what to do today

shiho!!!: Except… How? I’m not in Tokyo

akira!!!: good point

akira!!!: we can call and i’ll show you the sights (shibuya arcade)

shiho!!!: Or we can call and talk like normal people

akira!!!: that too

shiho!!!: Okay!! Give me a little bit :)

phantom hearts of thieves?

10:02 AM

reveals your true form: screenshot (1072).jpg

eat crepes fight creeps: WHAT

eat crepes fight creeps: WE WERE GOING TO CALL TODAY

reveals your true form: HA

eat crepes fight creeps: two can play at that game

eat crepes fight creeps: @smthng smthng pancakes hey goro wanna grab something to eat later when you’re done with darts?

reveals your true form: ANN????

smthng smthng pancakes: I was craving something sweet today.

eat crepes fight creeps: awesome! i’ll let u know when the shoots over <3333

reveals your true form: WHAT???????

eat crepes fight creeps: this is what u get for stealing my call time

kouhai: Forgive me for being presumptuous…

kouhai: But can Suzui-san not just… call you both at separate times?

reveals your true form: that’s not the point sumire

reveals your true form: this is a matter of pride

kouhai: Oh yes, of course. I understand now!

bromance: IMUAP

bromance: IM UP

bromance: AKIEA IMMSO SORRY BRO

reveals your true form: it’s okay ryuji i still love you

bromance: ARE YOU STILL AT THE ARCADE

reveals your true form: i’m omw home rn i have a scheduled call with shiho

reveals your true form: you can totally join us tho

bromance: ok bet

bromance: give me a few to wake up

eat crepes fight creeps: wow now you both r stealing my girl??? :/

reveals your true form: i mean you could’ve joined us too :// but you have a job or whatever

eat crepes fight creeps: UGGFGGHH

pushes up glasses: real

pushes up glasses: but also @reveals your true form you still have to do dishes when u get home

reveals your true form: okay new plan

reveals your true form: we call later so futaba doesn’t kill me

reveals your true form: and that way ann can join

reveals your true form: WAIT MISHIMA

kamoshithead h8ers

10:09 AM

peter pan: @wendy change of plans i have to perform child labor

peter pan: can we call later

peter pan: also @bobble do you wanna call me ann shiho and ryuji later

wendy: Oh, are we doing a group thing now??

tinkerbell: we had to compromise :/

captain hook: shiho gonna b so fr with u rn i have no idea what’s goin on

bobble: I’d love to call!

bobble: Are we just going to talk or are we going to watch movies too??

peter pan: i’m down for a movie

wendy: As long as it’s not Shrek again

captain hook: WHAT WHY NOT???

peter pan: yeah why not :(

tinkerbell: babes you two are the only ones who wanted to watch all the shrek movies in a row

peter pan: shrek is modern art

peter pan: i won’t take this slander

tinkerbell: i’m telling yusuke you said that

captain hook: bro he’d probably agree

tinkerbell: god i hate that you’re right

peter pan: i can literally hear it rn

peter pan: [yusuke talk here]

captain hook: sounds ab right

phantom hearts of thieves?

10:19 AM

pushes up glasses: AKIRA

reveals your true form: IM ON MY WAY

reveals your true form: contrary to popular belief i actually cannot just teleport from shibuya to yongen-jaya

eat crepes fight creeps: NO WAY!!! 😱😱

kouhai: Gasp!

m'lady: You can’t?!

reveals your true form: i know it’s crazy

pushes up glasses: my brother in christ i can track ur phone location you are not even moving

eat crepes fight creeps: i didn’t know sojiro was jesus 🤔🤔🤔

reveals your true form: must’ve left my phone at the arcade oops

bromance: wtf dude??? go back and get it!!

bromance: someone’s gonna steal that shit!!! so fast!!!

eat crepes fight creeps: ryuji 😭😭😭

reveals your true form: ryuji my beloved.

m'lady: Oh, Ryuji…

smthng smthng pancakes: Are you stupid?

bromance: bro WHAT????

bromance: y’all WANT akis phone to get stolen?????

eat crepes fight creeps: just wait y’all…..

bromance: WAIT ON WHAT

pushes up glasses: (ノ_<。)

pushes up glasses: my god

bromance: OH

bromance: oh my fuckinf god im so stuopid

reveals your true form: it’s okay i still love you ryuji

pushes up glasses: AKIRA

reveals your true form: IM SORRY SHINYA JUST WALKED IN I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR LEAVING WAIT

pushes up glasses: oh my god

smthng smthng pancakes: Kindness will be your downfall.

reveals your true form: awww he thinks i’m kind guys :)

eat crepes fight creeps: yikes

reveals your true form: hey now

reveals your true form: SO MYCH IS HAPPENINT WHY IS RISE TEXTING ME

risetti

10:23 AM

risetti: hi akira!!!! how is tokyo treating you (again) :))

alfredo: HI RISE give me a second i’m saying bye to my son

risetti: sorry wat???

alfredo: okay i’m good now

alfredo: well i’m walkingf while textint which is kinda hard but it’s good

risetti: omg??? akira it’s okay this convo can wait until you get home LMAO

alfredo: well it’s significwntly harder to wash dishes and txt at the same time than to walk and text

risetti: how about u just text me later like a normal person <333

alfredo: sounds good lov u all

risetti: we love you too!!! xoxo

risetti: kanji says hi :P

phantom hearts of thieves?

10:26 AM

eat crepes fight creeps: TELL HER I SAID HI

reveals your true form: I will whenever I text her later

pushes up glasses: ew why r u punctuating???

reveals your true form: Voice to text I’m walking

reveals your true form: Kind of hard to do in a street though keeps picking up other people and I have to delete it

kouhai: Senpai, why…

reveals your true form: I had to reply meow meow

eat crepes fight creeps: don’t call sumire your meow meow that’s weird :/

reveals your true form: No wait no

kouhai: Lol!

bromance: bro what r u doin

reveals your true form: Talking hey did you hear about

eat crepes fight creeps: i did actually!!!!

reveals your true form: Sorry forgot to delete

reveals your true form: I’m putting my phone away now honk

bromance: LMFOA

smthng smthng pancakes: Embracing your usual clownery, I see.

eat crepes fight creeps: STOPPPP

pushes up glasses: ok that was kinda funny

pushes up glasses: see u soon akira honk honk 🪿

eat crepes fight creeps: THE GOOSE IM CRYINF

makochan: What is going on?

pushes up glasses: texting during class makochan tsk tsk

pushes up glasses: i expected better from you ୧(๑•̀ᗝ•́)૭

makochan: The lecture hasn’t started yet. I was only wondering what all the fuss was over.

makochan: Is Akira making it home okay, Futaba? I worry for his safety sometimes.

pushes up glasses: he’s getting on the train now

makochan: Thank god.

investigate deez nuts

6:34 PM

hi-yah: rate the food

hi-yah: homemadebeefbolw.jpg

Yoo: Bolw

Yoske: good LORD

hi-yah: ikr? it’s gonna taste AMAZING

Yoske: that was not a good exclamation chie holy shit

Yoske: for my sake because i don’t wanna plan a funeral, do NOT eat that

tedbear: Wow! That looks awful!

hits you with a chair: 3/10 Better than the last one

Yoske: 3 is pushing it my guy

giggles menacingly: I think it looks wonderful! 10/10.

Yoske: yukiko i’m willing to bet real money that you helpd make it

Yoo: I agree with Kanji, it’s better than the last one

Yoo: 4/10

Yoske: partner you don’t have to sugarcoat it

Yoo: You’re right, I just looked at it again

Yoo: 2/10

risetti spaghetti: i don’t think it looks bad!! i’d have to taste it to see buuuut

risetti spaghetti: just going off looks ill give it a 7/10

Yoske: ABSOLUTELY NOT

Naoto: What are you all rating?

Naoto: Oh my.

Naoto: Hm.

Yoo: Lol

tedbear: 0/10! :3

hi-yah: WHAT

hi-yah: TEDDIE :(((( I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

tedbear: No friend of mine would force me to look at that monstrosity! ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ

Naoto: It’s definitely interesting.

giggles menacingly: You like it, then? 😄

Naoto: Well.

hits you with a chair: Lmao

Naoto: I’ll give it… a 5/10.

Yoske: you don’t have to sugarcoat it either my god

Yoo: While it’s better than the last one, it’s definitely worse than when Akira tried to teach you guys how to make curry

risetti spaghetti: oh god yeah even i’m embarrassed about that one

risetti spaghetti: we put akiras teaching skills to shame :((((

hi-yah: awww man i miss that little guy

tedbear: Akiraaaaaa (ㅠ﹏ㅠ)

Yoske: “little guy” like 4 years younger than you

hi-yah: HES JJUST A BABY :(

giggles menacingly: I miss him too. I hope he’s doing okay in Tokyo.

giggles menacingly: I know he’s more at home there, but I hope we gave him some good memories for the short time he was here. 😊

risetti spaghetti: oh i actually talked to him today!!!!

risetti spaghetti: he’s doing good :))) he told me how all his friends were doing too it was sweet

risetti spaghetti: ofc i already know ann and akechi-kun but all his other friends seem super cool too, i hope we get to talk to them sometime

hits you with a chair: Yeah me too

Yoo: Not counting that time Futaba hacked my phone to see him, me as well

Yoske: lmao i remmeber that

Yoo: Remmeber

Yoske: partner :(

risetti spaghetti: idk what u two r so upset over!!! ur IN tokyo now!!!!

Naoto: That’s true. You should go visit sometime.

Yoo: We’re planning on it, classes are tough though

tedbear: You both better come back to Inaba and bring me with you!!!!!!! (ง'̀-'́)ง

hits you with a chair: Man I wish I had time to come to Tokyo

hits you with a chair: Let me know if little dude needs anything, I know that stupid ass shirt got ripped on his trip over so he can mail it back for me to fix

Naoto: What stupid shirt?

risetti spaghetti: oh my god are you talking about the “i heart hot detectives” shirt

hi-yah: sorry the WHAT?????

Yoske: lmfaooo classic

Yoo: Ha I know that one

tedbear: I love that one!

Naoto: I don’t recall ever seeing such a shirt.

risetti spaghetti: it’s this dumb shirt that used to say “i heart tokyo” but he painted over the tokyo and wrote hot detectives on it instead

Yoo: It’s the stupidest thing ever, I love it

Yoske: yeah we know, you did the same thing except you just wrote fishing

Yoo: That was supposed to be a secret :(

Yoske: ITS IN MY CLOSET

Yoo: Our closet, actually

Yoske: exactly, which means it’s MY BUSINESS TOO

giggles menacingly: You know, you would think that when a couple moves in together that they’d love each other more.

Yoske: HE BOUGHT A CAT BED

Yoske: WE DONT HAVE A CAT

Yoo: Not yet

risetti spaghetti: ANYWAYS

risetti spaghetti: the reason you’ve never seen it naoto is because he didn’t wanna wear it in front of you or dojima in case you got the wrong idea

risetti spaghetti: it’s totally just so he can flaunt it in front of akechi-kun

hi-yah: that implies dojima is objectively hot

Yoo: Let’s stop this conversation while we’re ahead

Yoo: Goodnight everyone

Chapter Text

phantom hearts of thieves?

4:36 PM

pushes up glasses: RYUJI

bromance: IM SORRY

bromance: I DIDNT KNOW ANYONE WAS THERE

makochan: What happened?

reveals your true form: what happened is i am going to kill my best bro

eat crepes fight creeps: uh oh

eat crepes fight creeps: what’d u do ryuji

bromance: NOTHING

m'lady: I love you Ryuji, but it seems you have done something!

pushes up glasses: some of akiras friends from inaba are in tokyo now right

kouhai: Akira has friends from Inaba?

reveals your true form: WOW

kouhai: No, I didn’t mean it like that! Wait!

smthng smthng pancakes: Yes she did.

kouhai: No!!!!!!!

reveals your true form: yeah they were the ones i hung out with when i was back home for like. a few months

reveals your true form: they’re all a lot older than me except nanako

reveals your true form: so i basically have a bunch of built in older siblings

kouhai: That sounds delightful! Was I the only one who didn’t know?

reveals your true form: i would say you and goro didn’t but he has super detective powers so maybe he did

reveals your true form: or maybe i accidentally told him once when i was in a coffee drunk haze

pushes up glasses: BACK TO THE POINT AT HAND

pushes up glasses: two of them, yosuke and yu, are in tokyo for university right

pushes up glasses: and they came to leblanc to say hi

eat crepes fight creeps: NO FAIR I WANNA MEET THEM

reveals your true form: YOU ALREADY KNOW RISE

eat crepes fight creeps: SO?????

pushes up glasses: LET ME TELL MY STORY

bromance: now me personaly i think the argument here is way more fun than the story

pushes up glasses: that’s just because you don’t want me to tell it >:((

eat crepes fight creeps: word

eat crepes fight creeps: pls continue futaba 🙏🙏

pushes up glasses: THANK YOU

pushes up glasses: so we’re sitting there chilling

pushes up glasses: having a good time

pushes up glasses: when all of a SUDDEN ryuji calls

makochan: I’m getting some déjà vu.

reveals your true form: i make the sad mistake of putting him on speaker because i’m washing dishes

stand back heathen: My apologies, Akira, but doesn’t putting him on speaker yourself make this somewhat your fault?

reveals your true form: WHAT

bromance: YEAH YUSKE IS RIGRHT

smthng smthng pancakes: I’m inclined to agree.

bromance: nvm i don’t wanna agree anymore

bromance: feel free to yell at me

pushes up glasses: ok screw all of you i’m telling my story

pushes up glasses: so ryuji calls and he’s like “hey bro!! bros whats bonkin bros i was just thinkin bros ab how some of us probably wouldnt have been bros without our. dot dot dot. PERSONAS”

makochan: Good lord.

bromance: first of all that is NOT how i talk

eat crepes fight creeps: OH MY GODDD RYUJI

m'lady: I think everyone’s overthinking this a little too much! ‘Persona’ isn’t just a word for us! They could’ve easily taken it as just the normal word in that context!

reveals your true form: it probably would’ve been less suspicious if i didn’t panic and slide my phone directly into the water and laugh dubiously

eat crepes fight creeps: omg BOTH of you are fucking stupid

makochan: Did they say anything in response???

pushes up glasses: yosuke just looked rlly confused and yu was like “........ur phones in the water” which are both pretty normal reactions tbh

kouhai: How exactly are you texting us, senpai? Is your phone that waterproof?

reveals your true form: this story actually happened a while ago me and futaba had to go buy a new phone for me and set it up

pushes up glasses: thank god i had all ur data backed up, i deserve so much curry for this

m'lady: Do you have all of our data backed up, Futaba?

pushes up glasses: yes, search histories too

pushes up glasses: akechi frequently looks up boys kissing

reveals your true form: i have a chance

smthng smthng pancakes: She’s lying, naturally.

bromance: idk man. kinda sus

pushes up glasses: ryuji also looks up boys kissing

bromance: im not even gonna lie to u guys bro i probably did at some point

reveals your true form: why look it up when you can just come to me bro…

bromance: BRO

stand back heathen: I agree with Haru about the ‘persona’ matter. It seems they were more concerned about the fact Akira had drowned his own phone.

makochan: Agreed, I don’t think we have to worry about anything except for Akira and Ryuji’s rapidly declining IQ.

reveals your true form: MAKOTO WHAT THE HELL

bromance: yusuke my biggest supporter. love u bro

bromance: haru too love u

bromance: makoto why do u hate me

investigate deez nuts

5:01 PM

Yoo: Good morning

Yoo: Akira mentioned personas today

hi-yah: its afternoon

hi-yah: wait what the fuck

Naoto: Elaborate.

Yoske: ACTUALLY he didn’t really??

Yoske: one of his friends called and mentioned personas

Naoto: Elaborate more.

Yoo: Yosuke and I went to visit Leblanc

Yoo: One of Akira’s friends called and he put him on speaker

Yoo: He said something along the lines of “I was just thinking about how none of us would really be friends without our personas”

Yoo: Which wouldn’t sound too weird in a normal context but given what we already know about the Phantom Thieves and how they’re likely connected to shadows/personas, this is just another hint added to the pile

Yoo: And also the fact that immediately after his friend said the word “persona,” Akira doused his phone in water and tried to laugh it off

hits you with a chair: Are you joking

Yoske: bro i kid u not he had a sink full of water bc he was washing dishes and he full on threw his phone in it and just stared at it for a second

tedbear: That sounds like something Yosuke would do!

Yoo: Lol

hi-yah: HAHA it totally does

hits you with a chair: Lmfao yeah

Yoske: IM NOT EVEN THE ONE WHO DID IT WHY AM I GETTING SHIT ON???

giggles menacingly: What are we talking about?

hi-yah: if yosuke threw his phone into water

giggles menacingly: Hehehe! That’s funny!

Yoske: BRO?????

Naoto: Yosuke bullying aside, that would be kind of a strange reaction if it was regarding the normal word.

Naoto: I know we’ve spoken about this with the Shadow Operatives before, but since Akira is back in Tokyo and no other life-changing events are happening, perhaps it may be time to tell them they’re not the only persona users.

Yoo: I agree, we’ll have to talk to Mitsuru first though

Naoto: If you’d like to discuss with the other wildcards, I can speak to Kirijo-san for all of us.

Yoo: Sounds good

risetti spaghetti: wait im so out of the loop wats happening??

giggles menacingly: Imagine if Yosuke threw his phone into water!

risetti spaghetti: LMAO nice

Yoske: okay i’m out of here

wildcards

9:03 AM

universe (better): @world umm HELLO??

world: Hi Kotone

universe: hi yu

world: Hi Minato

universe (better): ?????

universe: mitsuru just called, isn’t akira that kid that was staying in inaba with you guys

world: Lol yeah small world right

universe (better): i’m so hurt and offended that we didn’t know about this sooner :( :((( 😭😭😭😭😭

world: Well when we found out we talked to Mitsuru about it, but at the time Akira was going through a lot so none of us really figured it’d be a good time

universe: what changed?

world: He drowned his phone in sink water

universe (better): lolz that sounds like something junpei would do!

universe: hahaha

world: Anyway, it’s pretty obvious that Akira is the wildcard of their group too, so whenever we figure out what’s going on with this we might wanna add him to this group chat

universe (better): YEAH LETS GO i wanna talk to him!!!!!

universe (better): when are we adding him!!!!!!!!

world: I don’t know, Naoto said that Mitsuru was going to talk to all of us about it in more detail whenever her and Aigis got back from their mission

universe (better): UGH WHEN R THEY GETTING BACK

universe (better): @aeon @aeon @aeon @aeon

aeon: Automated Reply: I’m currently out on a mission and cannot reply. If this is urgent, please call XXX-XXX-XXXX.

aeon: Automated Reply: I’m currently out on a mission and cannot reply. If this is urgent, please call XXX-XXX-XXXX.

aeon: Automated Reply: I’m currently out on a mission and cannot reply. If this is urgent, please call XXX-XXX-XXXX.

aeon: Automated Reply: I’m currently out on a mission and cannot reply. If this is urgent, please call XXX-XXX-XXXX.

universe: ok so let’s never do that again

universe (better): @aeon

aeon: Automated Reply: I’m currently out on a mission and cannot reply. If this is urgent, please call XXX-XXX-XXXX.

universe: or don’t listen to me that’s fine too

annihilation!!!!! (+ ryoji)

9:17 AM

stupei: @everyone BRO ISN’T AKIRA THAT ONE KID THAT WAS STAYING IN INABA???

koko: THAT’S WHAT I SAID

stupei: SINCE WHEN WERE HIM ND HIS FRIENDS PERSONA USERS???

mina: wait until you hear about them being the phantom thieves

stupei: WHAT!!!!!!!!

babyman child: This is crazy! Aren’t they all around my age?

koko: i love how u say that so shocked knowing full well you were fighting shadows at 10 years old

babyman child: Well, it’s just weird! I’ve always been the youngest!

yukatan: oh my goddd that means they’re all like little kens 😭😭😭😭

koko: yukari don’t even test me they’ll all become my children in t-minus five seconds

fuuk: I wonder how old the youngest ones are!

do you even lift bro: If I have my information from Mitsuru correct, the youngest one when the Phantom Thieves were operating was around fifteen years old.

stupei: WOWZERS

yukatan: we didn’t have any first years with us when we established the entire group, did we??

yukatan: just seconds, thirds, and ken

mina: and koromaru :(

yukatan: and koro-chan :P

do you even lift bro: No, we didn’t. Technically, one of the members gained their powers years before the Phantom Thieves were established, at around fourteen or fifteen.

Ryoji: Interesting! So did they start the Phantom Thieves, Akihiko?

do you even lift bro: Surprisingly, no. That’s a whole other thing, though.

fuuk: How are we going to handle incorporating them into this?

do you even lift bro: Mitsuru doesn’t like the idea of asking them to join the Shadow Ops. before all of them even graduate, so that’s out of the picture.

do you even lift bro: She does want them to know that there are others like them, though, so we’re going to be telling them we exist and giving them most of our contact information.

do you even lift bro: Overall, we’re going to be letting Narukami and his friends handle most of it as they personally know Akira and some of the other members.

welcome to chilis: Can I opt out of giving them my contact info

do you even lift bro: No, Shinji.

welcome to chilis: I’m changing my number

koko: noooo don’t change ur number how else will i send u all of my pictures of two bugs sitting on a leaf captioned “this is us” :(((

welcome to chilis: I’m changing my number

Chapter Text

investigate deez nuts

10:23 AM

Yoo: Good morning everyone

Yoo: We should probably talk about how we’re gonna handle this situation

Yoske: it’s too early for this

giggles menacingly: It’s 10:00 AM?

hi-yah: no no, i agree, it’s too damn early

hits you with a chair: I’ve been up

Naoto: As have I.

risetti spaghetti: me too!

Yoske: urrgh whatevr

Yoske: wait

Yoske: @tedbear are u up yet???

tedbear: i no no wanna

Yoo: Fair enough

Naoto: I worry about just telling them outright that we know they’re persona users.

Naoto: I doubt they’ve had positive experiences with that in the past, and I’d also like to refrain from giving any of them heart attacks.

risetti spaghetti: can confirm i would have a heart attack if my random hometown friends told me about my nationwide crimes

hi-yah: so then what else do we do? do we just wait for them to come to us?? :/

hits you with a chair: I don’t think any amount of “you can talk to us” is gonna do anything tbh

tedbear: Umm, what if we get Nanako in on it?! She can be like “Hey Kira, my big bro and his friends are persona users! Do you know what that is?! :333”

Yoo: As hilarious as that sounds, I refuse to get Nanako involved in any way

giggles menacingly: Agreed, I don’t think she needs to be a part of this!

Yoske: “hey kira my big bro was just talking ab these weird things called shadows and personas. think dad’s gonna take him to the mental hospital soon lowk. anyways wanna watch the trivia show”

Yoo: I think we’re past the mental hospital consideration on Uncle’s part

hi-yah: maybe yu and yosuke can bring it up? likee about the whole phone in water thing

hi-yah: “hey akira! noticed u drowned ur phone in sink water once ur friend said the word ‘persona.’ whats that about?”

Naoto: No.

hi-yah: ok :(

hits you with a chair: We might just have to have the senpais go to Leblanc more often, honestly. Wait for an opening

Yoske: respectfuly we do not have time 4 all that

Yoo: Probably our best bet, though. Just wait and see

Naoto: I’m unsure about that too. If we just wait, they’re never gonna say anything. In fact, they may even get more secretive about it now that they know to hide that loudmouth friend from us.

Yoo: True

Yoske: bro at this point we should just be like “hey weird question. do you have an other self”

Yoo: Okay

Yoske: WQIT NO

Naoto: Yu, do not!

i heart hot detectives

10:41 AM

i heart fishing: Hey, weird question. Do you have an other self?

investigate deez nuts

10:41 AM

Yoo: It’s done.

i heart hot detectives

10:42 AM

i heart hot detectives: hell yeah i do

i heart hot detectives: his name is ren amamiya and he does things im too scared to do

i heart hot detectives: like call goro akechi hot

i heart fishing: Didn’t you call him “pretty boy” to his face the other day?

i heart hot detectives: ;)

i heart fishing: Okay

investigate deez nuts

10:44 AM

Naoto: Literally what did I just say at the start of this conversation.

hi-yah: yuuuu oh my goddd

tedbear: Yosuke, maybe you should just not speak! :3

Yoske: thinkin about it tbh

Yoo: screenshot (301).jpg

Yoo: So no worries, it did nothing

hits you with a chair: Holy shit

risetti spaghetti: it’s so over

Naoto: …Okay.

Yoo: Any Plan B ideas?

giggles menacingly: Naoto?

hits you with a chair: Give them a sec, they have their head in their hands rn

Yoske: yeah im getting there too

wildcards

10:52 AM

world: @everyone

world: Hey guys

world: Do any of you happen to have good ideas for telling the Phantom Thieves other persona users exist

universe (better): ummm so how most of our group found out back in hs is akihiko dragged them out from the streets and mitsuru unloaded 10 years worth of info onto them

universe (better): so i don’t recommend that!!!

universe (better): unless maybe we get mitsuru and aki to stage a fake kidnapping on all of them!!!

universe: let’s not

aeon: I don’t think that is a good idea.

world: I’m getting desperate. If I don’t get a better idea in 30 seconds I’m calling the fake kidnapping service

universe: ah yes, the universal fake kidnapping service

universe (better): haha universal. universe. Get it

universe: 😐

aeon: Would you all rather Mitsuru do it, Yu?

world: I appreciate it, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to have someone unfamiliar do it. It’d be pretty suspicious and intimidating

aeon: I see.

aeon: According to my information, Mitsuru is already acquainted with one of the Phantom Thieves on record.

world: Really? Who?

aeon: Goro Akechi.

universe (better): awww baby detective prince!!!

universe (better): WAIT BABY DETECTIVE PRINCE IS A PHANTOM THIEF?????

universe (better): WAIT MITSURU KNOWS BABY DETECTIVE PRINCE???????

universe: i think it’d be better for everyone if you stopped calling him baby detective prince

universe (better): he’s just a babey

world: That’s strange, I never knew about that. Can you share anything else about that, Aigis?

aeon: One moment.

aeon: Goro Akechi stayed in a Kirijo-run facility while he was recovering from injuries. Mitsuru and the rest of the Kirijo Group is the reason Goro Akechi has been able to stay out of the spotlight since his downfall as Detective Prince, regarding both government and tabloids.

world: Tabloids I get, why is the government on him??

aeon: I am not allowed to share that.

universe (better): IT WAS JUST GETTING GOOD WHAT

universe (better): aigis… pwease share the government dirt on baby detective prince… for me 🥺🥺🥺🥺 uwu

universe: ew???

aeon: No.

universe (better): goddammit

world: Back to the matter at hand, I am this close to staged kidnapping

universe (better): honestly at this point just ask about it upfront!!!

world: Already tried. Didn’t work

universe (better): HOW

world: Good question

universe: i have no ideas. good luck and try not to get a criminal record for staged kidnapping

world: Criminal records

world: You’re a genius Minato

world: Bye

universe: i know

universe: wait what

universe: why

investigate deez nuts

10:59 AM

Yoo: @Naoto I have an idea

Naoto: Please be good.

Yoo: No promises

Yoo: If Akira is the leader of the Phantom Thieves, his criminal record is going to have his arrests for being said leader on it

Naoto: Yes?

Yoo: You should ‘accidentally’ come across this

Yoo: And, to tie in the Shadow Ops and other persona users’ existence, you can say you came across it because you were investigating for the Shadow Ops and then explain how they work

Yoske: wait am i stupid or is that kinda smart

risetti spaghetti: it can be both!

Yoske: bro.

giggles menacingly: I think that’s the best idea we’ve got!

Naoto: I think I hate it, but Yukiko’s right. It may be the best we’ve got.

Yoo: Oh, also

Yoo: Apparently Goro Akechi and Mitsuru know each other

hits you with a chair: Isn’t that Akira’s bf or whatever

hi-yah: it’s the second detective prince??????

hits you with a chair: I don’t rlly care about that

hi-yah: bro

giggles menacingly: Wait, are they finally dating????

tedbear: THEY WEREN’T ALREADY????

Yoske: oh thank god i’m not the only person who has no fucking clue what’s goijng on w them

Naoto: I wasn’t aware about Mitsuru-san and Akechi-kun, but I suppose it makes sense. There’s not many ways Akechi-kun could’ve stayed away from the public for so long.

risetti spaghetti: wait so r they dating or not???

Yoo: Good question

Yoo: Next question

yasoinaba crew!!!

12:29 PM

nao: @kira Akira, I don’t mean to scare you but I wanted to ask you about something.

kira: i love u naoto but your grammar and punctuation scares me all the time

rice: I KNOWWW it’s so serious!!!

yuu: At least they don’t message in all caps anymore

yuki: Hehehe!

cheese: DO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT, Y/N ?

yuki: Chie! 🤣

rice: i am not gonna lie to you guys i can only read y/n as your/name now so i’m so glad naoto doesn’t text like that anymore

yolk: oh my god me too

nao: May I continue?

kandi: Everyone shut up

ted: E

kandi: Teddie I swear to god

kira: that was kinda funny

kira: what’s up naoto??

nao: So, I was looking through some records of the Phantom Thieves for some colleagues of mine.

nao: And I came across your name.

phantom hearts of thieves?

12:33 PM

reveals your true form: GUYS IM SO FUCKED

makochan: What’s wrong?

stand back heathen: Is everything alright?

m'lady: What happened?!

pushes up glasses: aren’t we all in the grand scheme of things….. (ಥ﹏ಥ)

reveals your true form: screenshot (1102).jpg

bromance: OH SHIT

bromance: wait who is that

reveals your true form: MY FRIENDS FROM INABA

smthng smthng pancakes: Naoto? As in the first Detective Prince?

pushes up glasses: ok number one. keep it in ur pants akechi

pushes up glasses: number two. YOU’RE SO FUCKED

smthng smthng pancakes: Ew.

yasoinaba crew!!!

12:34 PM

kira: wow that’s crazy!! i didnt know akira kurusu was such a common name lmfao

ted: Yikes!

yolk: teddie 😭

phantom hearts of thieves?

12:35 PM

reveals your true form: screenshot (1103).jpg

smthng smthng pancakes: Are you fucking stupid?

makochan: Akira oh my god.

reveals your true form: I PANICKED

kouhai: Oh dear.

yasoinaba crew!!!

12:36 PM

nao: Akira…

kira: okay that was bad even for me i will admit

ted: At least you didn’t throw your phone in the water again!

yolk: TEDDIE SHUT UP????

kira: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

nao: Okay, please don’t panic.

yuu: I think this is going pretty well

cheese: define ‘pretty well’

yuu: A well that is pretty. Polished stone, maybe, but ‘pretty’ is subjective

yuki: Hahahahaha!

cheese: oh god she’s broken

kira: okay so i may. Possibly. be part of the phantom thieves

nao: …And the leader?

kira: that may also be me i dont know

kandi: How do you not know?

kira: i sleepwalk

phantom hearts of thieves?

12:37 PM

reveals your true form: screenshot (1104).jpg

reveals your true form: i think i saved it guys

bromance: LMFAO “pretty well” i get it

makochan: You… sleepwalk…?

smthng smthng pancakes: This is what the anger management classes have prepared me for.

eat crepes fight creeps: AKIRA 😭😭

stand back heathen: This is akin to watching a car crash.

kouhai: Agreed…

m'lady: How does “Ted” know about the phone situation?

reveals your true form: great question

reveals your true form: holy shit im fucked

eat crepes fight creeps: i’m gonna throw up omg

yasoinaba crew!!!

12:38 PM

nao: If I could please continue…

nao: This isn’t meant to be accusing, Akira. I was merely wondering why you hadn’t told us sooner.

kira: jail???? isnt fun?????

yuu: That’s fair

nao: But weren't your arrests already handled?

kira: well, yes

kira: but also they’re still TECHNICALLY crimes i guess

kira: i’d be kinda concerned if you guys didn’t wanna cut ties with me

kira: especially naoto and chie

kandi: Personally I think phantom thieving sounds pretty badass

kandi: Why couldn’t we have been the phantom thieves?

ted: I agree! Investigation Team is so boringgggg :(

yolk: hey i like investigation team!!

hi-yah: booo tomato tomato

kira: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

nao: None of us would want to cut ties with you, especially since we’re already semi-familiar with the Phantom Thieves’ methods.

kira: ummm respectfully i’d hope you weren’t????

nao: The specifics are unknown to us, but you all still deal with shadows and personas, yes?

phantom hearts of thieves?

12:40 PM

reveals your true form: screenshot (1105).jpg

reveals your true form: hey guys! i’m even more fucked

smthng smthng pancakes: Who’s surprised.

eat crepes fight creeps: omgomgomgomgomg

bromance: AAAAAAAAAAAA

stand back heathen: Well, this is strange.

pushes up glasses: WHAT DO THEY MRAN BY THAT. HEY WHAT DO THEY MEAN BY THAT

makochan: I hate to admit it, but I’m incredibly lost. How do these people know about shadows and personas?

reveals your true form: BRO U TELL ME

reveals your true form: WHAT DO I SAY

eat crepes fight creeps: tbh i think its time for all of us to go off the grid

smthng smthng pancakes: I’m okay with this.

makochan: It doesn’t seem like they have ill intentions. Do you trust these people, Akira?

reveals your true form: DONT ASK ME I HAVE TRUST ISSUES MAKOTO

m'lady: I think we should be honest! If they wanted to do something about our presence, I believe they would’ve done so without consulting you first, Akira.

makochan: That makes sense. If they really wanted to do something, why would they give you a head start by telling you they know?

smthng smthng pancakes: False sense of security, perhaps.

kouhai: I don’t think that’s the case!

kouhai: I say go ahead! You all have had much more troublesome people on your tail, right?

pushes up glasses: true, like this one guy called goro akechi. hes a fuckin weirdo

reveals your true form: i'm going with your guys’ advice, if ur all wrong dont blame me

yasoinaba crew!!!

12:43 PM

kira: perchance

yolk: u spent that long typing 4 “perchance”??

rice: be nice!!!! he’s nervous!!!!!

nao: There were probably much better ways to go about this and for that I apologize. I should not have listened to Yu.

yuu: Hey

yuu: Actually no they’re right

nao: To be completely upfront with you, we’ve known you and your friends were the Phantom Thieves for quite some time now.

kira: WHAT?? HOW?????

cheese: screenshot (112).jpg

cheese: screenshot (113).jpg

cheese: screenshot (127).jpg

cheese: screenshot (192).jpg

kira: ok i get it i’m stupid and obvious

ted: screenshot (17).jpg

kira: LEAVE ME ALONEEE

nao: And, before we knew that, we had already known the Phantom Thieves were likely connected to shadows and personas.

nao: This is because of an organization funded by the Kirijo Group called the Shadow Operatives, which myself and the rest of us are associated with.

nao: I’m going to text you the phone number to Mitsuru Kirijo, she can give you more information.

nao: It’s time for bed.

rice: babes its 12pm?

nao: I’m too tired for this. Call Kirijo, Akira.

nao: Goodnight.

phantom hearts of thieves?

1:39 PM

reveals your true form: hey so you guys are NOT gonna believe this

Chapter Text

wildcards

5:21 PM

@world has added @Akira Kurusu to the group chat.

world: @everyone

world: Say hi to Akira

universe (better): OH MY GOD HIII

universe (better): I’VE BEEN SO EXCITED TO MEET YOU

universe: helloo

aeon: Hello, Akira.

Akira Kurusu: oh wow

Akira Kurusu: i had no idea there were so many other wildcards

world: I’m Yu obviously, Universe is Minato Arisato, Universe (Better) is Kotone Arisato, and Aeon is Aigis

Akira Kurusu: wait aigis ur a wildcard????? arent u like

Akira Kurusu: a robot

aeon: Yes.

Akira Kurusu: how does ??? that work???

aeon: I inherited it from the twins whenever they died.

Akira Kurusu: HUH????

universe: oh we’re the twins btw

universe (better): yeah!

world: I don’t think that’s what Akira’s concerned about here

universe: oh yeah we kinda died one time

universe (better): lowkey a shitty experience, do NOT!!!! recommend

Akira Kurusu: ?????????????

world: So anyways

world: What Arcana card did you get given at the end of your ‘journey’

Akira Kurusu: uh

Akira Kurusu: world

universe (better): BOOO we cant have two worlds

universe (better): we already did the double arcana shtick

universe (better): pick another one!!!!!

Akira Kurusu: ummm well my arcana with igor was fool

world: You had a social link with Igor???

Akira Kurusu: actually i had a social link with a false god posing as igor

aeon: Oh, Elizabeth mentioned that to us. Yaldabaoth?

Akira Kurusu: that’s the fucker

universe (better): ummm ok forget it u can be fool

@universe (better) changed @Akira Kurusu’s name to @fool.

fool: i see the vision but it kinda just looks like i’m being called an idiot

universe (better): well it’s too late now

universe (better): SO GIVE US THE DEETS

world: No one says deets anymore Kotone

world: I would know, Nanako told me 😔

fool: um. what deets 😭😭😭

universe (better): um i dunno

universe (better): like uhhhh how’d u get ur persona

fool: i got trapped in a castle with my bro where the king was my pedophilic gym teacher

universe (better): oh!

universe: oh

world: Hmm

aeon: Interesting.

aeon: Was this ‘bro’ the one who already had a persona? Goro Akechi?

world: Akira if you’re calling your bf your ‘bro’ Rise’s actually gonna kill you

fool: WHAT

universe (better): UR DATING BABY DETECTIVE PRINCE???? AKIRA!!!!!!!!!!

fool: NONONO MY BRO IS RYUJI

fool: IM NOT DATING GORO

fool: BABY DETECTIVE PRINCE????

universe: but you’re on first name basis with him?

fool: unless my first name has been changed to “stupid fucking dumbass” without my knowledge, no i just call him goro

aeon: This boyfriend of yours sounds possibly abusive.

fool: yeah it’s a work in progress

fool: he’s not my boyfriend

fool: yet

aeon: This not-boyfriend of yours sounds possibly abusive.

fool: yeah 💔😞

world: Ohhh so you’re not dating him

world: Hold on I need to update the others

fool: BRO WHAT

world: Quite a few of us were under the impression you two were already together

world: I’m giving Yosuke whiplash I think

fool: i miss yosuke

fool: tell him i love him

world: I will whenever he stops searching the apartment for a hidden cat

universe: why, pray tell, is he doing that

world: I bought cat food

universe (better): well. DO you have a hidden cat

world: No

fool: why the cat food then???

world: Just in case

universe: of course

fool: well if you want morgana lmk he’s starting to get grossed out whenever i twirl my hair and giggle while texting goro

world: Starting to?

fool: more grossed out**

aeon: Who’s Morgana?

fool: my talking cat

universe (better): oh! naturally! 🤔

universe: oh wait the one from the velvet room?

fool: that’s the one

universe (better): OH YEAHH THEO’S TOLD ME AB HIM

universe (better): wait wait no i’m sorry i’m still not over the whole entire baby detective prince thing

universe (better): give me the sparknotes pretty please

fool: so we have a weird homoerotic relationship rooted in rivalry and the fact he wants to kill me

fool: and i’m hopelessly in love with him and all my friends think i’m insane for it and lowkey so does he

fool: but i could not care less because i’m hopelessly in love

fool: i am THE boyfailure

universe: wow

fool: oh also he shot me in the head once

world: Wait what?????

universe (better): SORRY????????

aeon: I stand on my opinion that this relationship is harmful.

universe: enemies to lovers ig

fool: see you get it

universe: my crush tried to get me to kill him once so i totally get it

fool: oh my god me too!!1

world: What the hell is happening

universe (better): hold on i need to like. take notes or something wtf

universe: see the difference is ryoji actually likes my presence

fool: yeah no goro hates my guts

fool: we’re getting there tho!!! 🤞 trust

universe: and also he’s not human so

fool: considering goro came back from the dead i also ponder his humanity sometimes so

universe (better): omg twinsies!!

universe: ahhh so that’s why he was in a kirijo facility i assume?

fool: what

aeon: When Goro Akechi first came back to life, Mitsuru kept him in a Kirijo-run facility to monitor his injuries and study the fact he was revived.

fool: so. did he. like know it was a kirijo run facility

aeon: I believe so.

fool: right. and did he know about the existence of the shadow operatives then

aeon: Considering they spoke about Akechi-kun’s death in the Metaverse and how it functions, I assume so.

fool: interesting

fool: brb

phantom hearts of thieves?

5:39 PM

reveals your true form: @smthng smthng pancakes

reveals your true form: @smthng smthng pancakes

reveals your true form: @smthng smthng pancakes

reveals your true form: @smthng smthng pancakes

reveals your true form: ARE U SERIOUS

pushes up glasses: uh oh

eat crepes fight creeps: awww guys akechi went on a date!!! <3 akira u weren’t even dating chill out

smthng smthng pancakes: I did not. What is this about?

reveals your true form: YOU KNEW THE SHADOW OPS WERE A THING BEFORE WE DID????

pushes up glasses: WOAHH

eat crepes fight creeps: pause

bromance: WAIT WAT?????

stand back heathen: Really?

makochan: Are you serious?

m'lady: Oh my.

kouhai: Wow!

pushes up glasses: “woah! what?!” - mona

smthng smthng pancakes: The fact you all are incredibly willing to believe Akira so quickly does not provide me confidence in your ability to refuse peer pressure.

smthng smthng pancakes: But yes, I did.

bromance: bro.

makochan: Explain yourself.

reveals your true form: WHY DIDNT U TELL US OTHER PERSONA USERS EXISTED???? AND THE SHADOW OPS??

smthng smthng pancakes: No one asked me.

smthng smthng pancakes: Also, I signed a contract.

pushes up glasses: oh SUDDENLY he cares about contracts

smthng smthng pancakes: I’ve always cared about contracts.

smthng smthng pancakes: Besides, I have much more respect for Kirijo-san than I do the lot of you.

eat crepes fight creeps: “the lot of you” are u british be honest

pushes up glasses: he’s gonna ask sojiro for a fuckin crumpets recipe next

bromance: bro’s gonna ask him for a cuppa wa ah

stand back heathen: What’s wrong with crumpets?

pushes up glasses: oh yeah i forgot yusuke was our resident almost-british person

eat crepes fight creeps: with akechi’s sweaters?? 🤔

bromance: with haru’s tea addiction?????

reveals your true form: absolutely not haru is an angel and we could never make fun of her tea addiction

m'lady: :-)

eat crepes fight creeps: akechi on the other hand….

eat crepes fight creeps: bros about to invite akira out for a cuppa tea

smthng smthng pancakes: I would never.

reveals your true form: hey :(

makochan: This conversation was unnecessary. I’m getting back to my dinner.

reveals your true form: can i have some

pushes up glasses: yeah me too

eat crepes fight creeps: me three!!!!

makochan: You want me to feed you all through the phone?

bromance: nom nom

m'lady: Mako-chan is eating dinner at my place! You all are welcome to come over and join if you have time!

reveals your true form: oh yeah i’m there

pushes up glasses: WAIT FOR ME AKIRA

pushes up glasses: wait

pushes up glasses: why is makoto eating dinner at ur house

eat crepes fight creeps: 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈❓❓❓

makochan: Sis isn’t home, and I simply haven’t seen Haru in a little bit.

pushes up glasses: ok lesbians…..

bromance: WAIT AKI FUTABA LETS MEET SOMEWHERE AND GO TOGETHER

pushes up glasses: should we just be inviting everyone

kouhai: I can’t make it, but I hope everyone has fun!

stand back heathen: I’ll be there, I’ve been wondering where to buy dinner all day.

smthng smthng pancakes: I’ll pass.

m'lady: That’s okay, you weren’t invited.

pushes up glasses: LMFAOOOOOO

eat crepes fight creeps: HARU HAHAHA

reveals your true form: DAMN GET HIS ASS

bromance: WOWWWW

annihilation!!!!! (+ ryoji)

5:55 PM

koko: 5:55 make a wish

Mitsuru: My wish is for you to please come downstairs and have dinner with us.

koko: mitsuru i’m on the GRIND

stupei: i wish for kotone to stop coming to my house with bugs in her hand like little offerings

welcome to chilis: That’s my wish too actually

stupei: HEY NO you can’t take my wish dude

Ryoji: I like the bugs!

koko: thank you ryoji i love u so much

fuuk: What are you on the grind for, Kotone?

mina: i accidentally bought too many lottery tickets so i gave them all to her

yukatan: have you won big yet

koko: hell yeah

mina: she won two cents

do you even lift bro: That reminds me.

do you even lift bro: @mina @koko @Ryoji Are you guys still staying over with us this weekend?

koko: if you think i’d pass up ANY chance to see my babies you’d be sorely mistaken

yukatan: it’s the fact i don’t know if she’s talking about koro, ken, or shinjiro

stupei: right it could be any of them

mina: akihiko’s not exempt from that list i’ve heard her call him her babygirl before

koko: Hey Now

Aigis: Why would Kotone call Akihiko her ‘babygirl’ if Akihiko is a man?

koko: he’s just got babygirl energy aigis

welcome to chilis: Can we stop calling my husband babygirl

koko: it’s okay shinjiro you’ll always be my malewife <33333

do you even lift bro: My question?

mina: oh yeah we’re going

Ryoji: 👍👍👍

koko: yeah we need to give yukari and mitsuru a break :P

koko: not aigis tho she loves us dearly

koko: well. not ryoji

stupei: that implies that yukari and mitsuru don’t love you dearly

koko: i’ve stolen too many of yukari’s shirts to be loved dearly by her

koko: and i think mitsuru’s starting to get mad at me for flirting with her wife

koko: yukari leave ur wife for me

Mitsuru: ?

koko: mitsuru leave ur wife for me

koko: all the girls just date me actually, i’m better

fuuk: Hehe!

Aigis: Okay.

stupei: AIGIS?????

koko: oh yeah guys i’ve won

yukatan: so can we all agree that the twins were all of our gay awakenings or like. is it still too early for that convo for some of u

babyman child: No?????

yukatan: oh my god yeah besides ken i forgot he was in this chat

stupei: HELP

do you even lift bro: My gay awakening was my husband, actually.

koko: you fucking liar you told me you had a crush on my brother in high school

mina: it’s like i’m not even here

do you even lift bro: Sure, but that doesn’t mean he was my gay awakening.

fuuk: Kotone and Yukari were my gay awakenings :P

Mitsuru: I will agree, Kotone made me realize I was gay.

welcome to chilis: My gay awakening was Kotone because I realized I wanted to throw up everytime I imagined dating her

mina: are we sure that wasn’t just kotone

koko: HEY WTF????

Aigis: I do not feel romantic attraction the same way most humans do, but you could argue both of the twins made me realize I do feel some semblance of it.

yukatan: ok that was actually rlly sweet

yukatan: junpei???

stupei: i’m straight

yukatan: …

babyman child: Huh???

welcome to chilis: No way you just said that

do you even lift bro: Hm.

fuuk: ???

mina: bro.

Mitsuru: Oh.

Ryoji: (・_・;)

koko: ……..

koko: ok “brokeback tartarus…..”

stupei: HEY

stupei: I TOLD YOU I DIDNT KNOW THE ACTUAL MEANING BEHIND THE MOVIE

yukatan: literally howww 😭😭😭

barks at you: your ass is as straight as a fucking circle

stupei: HELLO??????

do you even lift bro: Ken, don’t swear on Koromaru’s account.

babyman child: THAT WASN’T ME I SWEAR

mina: kotone stop framing ken

koko: :3

stupei: wait wtf why do u guys think im gay???

Mitsuru: Goodnight everyone.

stupei: ITS 6PM???

koko: todays been a great day everyone! love u guys!

mina: yeah goodnight

Ryoji: Goodnight all!

stupei: HELLO???????

do you even lift bro: Talk to you all tomorrow.

yukatan: aww goodnight guys!

welcome to chilis: 👋

babyman child: Goodnight everybody!!! :)

Aigis: Goodnight, I suppose.

stupei: WHAT THE FUCK???

stupei: GUYS COME BACK??????

stupei: HELLO

stupei: wow.

stupei: cant even be straight in this economy

stupei: ur my only friend koro

barks at you: Goodnight, Junpei! Woof!

stupei: KEN GIVE ME A BREAK BRO

Chapter Text

annihilation!!!!! (+ ryoji)

4:21 PM

yukatan: hey guys

yukatan: so ummm my storage ran out so i cant take a pic

yukatan: but i was organizing or whatever and i found a gigantic scrapbook titled “kotone and shinjiros friendship scrapbook”

welcome to chilis: What

stupei: ARE U SERIOUS LMFAO

welcome to chilis: I don’t know what that is????

do you even lift bro: Oh, I remember that.

mina: haha yeah me too

welcome to chilis: What???????

Ryoji: Oh my!

fuuk: :O

stupei: BRO WHERES KOTONE SHE NEEDS TO EXPLAIN

yukatan: i wish i could take a pic so bad the cover is amazing

stupei: @koko

stupei: @koko

stupei: @koko

stupei: @koko

stupei: BRO WHERE IS SHE

mina: hold on i know what she’s doing

wildcards

4:25 PM

fool: so yeah that’s how i found out goro hated me for real

world: And you still have his glove???

fool: yeah i never gave it back LMFAO

aeon: Fascinating.

universe (better): dude thats insane!!!!

universe (better): tell us more!!!!

universe: kotone check sees chat

universe (better): um no im busy???? have u even been reading????

universe (better): this shits better than reality tv

universe: yukari found the shinjiro friendship scrapbook

universe (better): OH SHIT

universe (better): ummmm pause stories for a little bit!!!

world: That’s not fair I’m still invested

world: You can backread

universe (better): ABSOLUTELY NOT

fool: we can pick back up later i have to do my daily bother goro session anyways

world: Wtf

Aigis: Thank you for taking the time to tell us all of this, Akira. It’s very interesting.

universe: ok maybe i do need to backread

universe: he put a gun to your head TWICE?????

annihilation!!!!! (+ ryoji)

4:27 PM

koko: omg hey guys!!! :3

welcome to chilis: Explain????

yukatan: OK I DELETED SOME PICTURES

yukatan: friendshipscrapbookcover.jpg

welcome to chilis: IS THAT A PICTURE OF ME SLEEPING ON THE COVER

do you even lift bro: Lmao.

fuuk: Hahaha!

babyman child: Oh wow, that was a while ago!

babyman child: Isn’t that the dorm couch?

stupei: THIS WAS BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL??????

yukatan: HOW DID I JUST NOW FIND THIS

Mitsuru: What’s going on?

Mitsuru: Oh.

Ryoji: I’m laughing so hard wait

Aigis: It seems that picture was taken in the dorms during high school, yes.

welcome to chilis: What the fuck????

koko: okay so BASICALLY

koko: as we all know i was trying my HARDEST to be besties 4ever with shinjiro because he was playing hard to get

koko: platonically

do you even lift bro: He was romantically too.

koko: good to know

koko: so i decided to scrapbook my progress and give it to him as a gift when we were Officially Besties 5ever™

fuuk: Wait, so you’re not besties 5ever now?

koko: well i was gonna give it to him when he woke up from The Coma

koko: but then i died

koko: and it lowkey wasn’t on my instant to-do list whenever i came back from the dead

koko: so i just kept it as a keepsake and forgot to tell anyone about it

do you even lift bro: I was under the impression it was completely lost. Where did it go after your death?

welcome to chilis: Wait Aki you knew about the scrapbook???

do you even lift bro: Maybe. Possibly.

koko: one time he was helping me clean my dorm room and i showed it to him because i thought he’d find it hilarious

koko: we couldn’t stop laughing for like 5 mins straight

welcome to chilis: What the fuck.

do you even lift bro: It’s a really sweet scrapbook. There’s a selfie of you two with aprons on in it somewhere that I thought was really cute.

fuuk: Aww!

Mitsuru: Do you still add pictures to it or is it just from high school?

koko: whenever im reminded of its existence i add a few pics sometimes

koko: i think the most recent one is from kens 16th bday party where we’re both shoving his face into the cake

koko: our brainwaves connected there for a sec i think

welcome to chilis: Ha

babyman child: That wasn’t planned?!

koko: no we just both thought it’d be funny as hell at the same exact time :3333

koko: that reminds me yukari where’d u find the scrapbook??? i dont remember where i put it

yukatan: i couldn’t find one of my shirts so i was looking in ur closet…

koko: okay thats fair

yukatan: i still haven’t found it :(

yukatan: anyways the scrapbook was covered by a huge pile of clothes

mina: sounds about right

Ryoji: Um, you may wanna check my closet

Ryoji: Kotone gave me some oversized shirts of hers one time

stupei: RYOJI????

Ryoji: Well, they fit! I was tired of clothes shopping :(

Ryoji: Plus a lot of them have little hearts :D

yukatan: uhh i don’t think so this was like a crop top

mina: shit you may wanna check mine

mina: i’ve stolen a few of kotone’s crop tops in my time

yukatan: okay i guess i will 😭

yukatan: did you slay in them at least

mina: i like to think so

do you even lift bro: I still want to know how in the hell it’s still in your possession.

koko: sigh

koko: it was a warm summers day

stupei: oh fuck

fuuk: Gasp!

mina: here we go

do you even lift bro: Forget I even asked.

koko: oh no you’re not getting out of this

koko: ahem

koko: minato and i had already gracefully passed on

koko: and our rooms needed to be cleaned the fuck out

babyman child: I thought this was a nice storytime.

koko: it is but the storyteller swears a lot

babyman child: Oh, okay.

koko: anyways

koko: beautiful lovely aigis was cleaning out my room like the sweetheart she is

mina: weird, no swearing when you’re talking about aigis

koko: like the FUCKING sweetheart she is

Aigis: Perhaps Shinjiro has had an effect on you after all.

stupei: LMFAO AIGIS

welcome to chilis: Shit yeah I’ll take responsibility

koko: so aigis was cleaning out my room

koko: and suddenly… covered in dust. a book

koko: wait where did u find the scrapbook aigis

Aigis: On your desk.

koko: so she sits at my desk and lovingly swipes off the dust

Aigis: I did not sit at your desk.

koko: so she stands at my desk and lovingly swipes off the dust

koko: and there it reads

koko: Kotone & Shinjiro’s Friendship Scrapbook

yukatan: actually it says friendship scrappbook

koko: FUCK

koko: DOES IT ACTUALLY

Aigis: Yes, it does.

koko: okay remind me to cover that up with paint later

koko: anyways there it reads

Ryoji: Don’t forget the picture of Shinjiro sleeping!

koko: yes there it has a picture of shinjiro sleeping

koko: anyways, aigis holds the book close and decides she will keep this important memento of mine for years to come until i reclaim it

koko: and then i did

koko: and now it’s in my closet under a pile of clothes

fuuk: And now here we are!

koko: and now here we are

mina: you suck as an author

koko: ummm die?

mina: i did

koko: oh yeah shit

welcome to chilis: I’m coming over and I’m looking at this fucking scrapbook

koko: omg yay!!! can we have a sleepover

koko: ask ur parents ill ask mine!!!!

koko: @MItsuru mom!!! can shinjiro sleep over!!!

Mitsuru: I suppose. Don’t stay up too late.

welcome to chilis: What??? Don’t encourage this???

koko: god fine i’ll ask for you

koko: @do you even lift bro mr. aki can shinjiro sleep over!!! :3

do you even lift bro: Once he cleans his room.

welcome to chilis: YOU MEAN OUR ROOM????

stupei: im gonna be honest im so lost

mina: yeah im gonna get out of here i still need to fully read the story akira told us about his boyfriend fucking hating him

Ryoji: Sorry???

yukatan: girl what

mina: oh yeah you guys don’t know the goro akechi plotline

mina: well besides kotone and maybe aigis and mitsuru

yukatan: MITSURU????

Mitsuru: You all only know what I do.

Mitsuru: Goro Akechi and Akira Kurusu are dating?

mina: its complicated

mina: anyways i have to do some reading

yukatan: hold on im texting the celebrity gc

koko: sorry the WHAT

famous gayness

4:41 PM

fearless: UMMM GUYS??

lover: hi yukari!!! omg we haven’t talked in this chat in a while

fearless: RISE WHERE’S NAOTO

lover: girl they never look at this chat

lover: @midnights

midnights: Yes?

fearless: DID YOU 2 KNOW ABOUT KURUSU-KUN DATING THE SECOND DETECTIVE PRINCE

fearless: UR FRIENDS W HIM RIGHT

lover: ohhhh that shitshow

lover: yeah no they’re not like dating

lover: but akira is in love with him and doesn’t care to be subtle about it

lover: and akechi-kun hates his guts

fearless: im so confused guys

midnights: It’s alright, we are too.

lover: omg this is so off topic

lover: but we should add ann to this chat!!! now that we know she can hear ab persona stuff

midnights: I’ve never spoken to her before.

fearless: me eitherrr i’ve only heard about her

lover: its okay shes super cool i promise

lover: plus ummm inside info about akechi-kun and akira??

fearless: okay yeah im sold

lover: ok one min let me text her

midnights: I’m getting back to work.

fearless: NOOO NAOTO WE HAVENT TALKED IN AGES

midnights: I’m at work????

fearless: okay fine text us later i guess

@lover has added @Ann Takamaki to the group chat.

fearless: omg heyyy

Ann Takamaki: hi!!!!

lover: okay so i’m rise, fearless is yukari and midnights is naoto even tho they never look at this chat

Ann Takamaki: aaa okay!!! so nice to meet u yukari!!!

fearless: u too!!!

fearless: what ts album do u wanna be

Ann Takamaki: omg ummm

Ann Takamaki: can u do numbers in chat nicknames

lover: we’re about to find out

@lover has changed @Ann Takamaki’s name to @1989.

1989: YAYYY

lover: i’m actually so surprised that worked

fearless: so okay

fearless: minato mentioned something in our gc about kurusu-kun and akechi-kun dating??? and im soooo confused i wanna know whats going on

1989: girl i’m gonna be so fr none of us know whats going on either

1989: i love akira deeply but he is so down bad and all akechi talks about is how much he hates akira

1989: which is weird bc between u and me,,,, akira is the only one hes REAL with yk

lover: absolutely

1989: like he hangs out with me and sumire sometimes but him and akira have something Different it’s so weird to witness

lover: omg wait u hang out with him???

1989: yeah!!! hes a weirdo but hes cool to hang with we shittalk people together

fearless: girl maybe he needs to be in this chat lmfao. all we do is gossip and shittalk here

fearless: and i mean, technically he’s famous

lover: @midnights how do u feel ab adding ur second coming

midnights: I’m at work. And also what?

1989: hi shirogane-san!!!

midnights: Hello, Takamaki.

lover: ew dont be formal here

lover: they wont care if u call them naoto

lover: she wont care if u call her ann

1989: its true i wont!!! i just wanna be polite to akiras friends :(((

fearless: ur so nice i love you

fearless: okay we’ll talk ab it later when naoto’s not at work

fearless: give us the rundown on akechi and kurusu like start from the beginning

1989: OMGGG DONT EVEN TEST ME

1989: so it started in our second year of hs obv, when the thieves were kinda first starting to get famous

annihilation!!!!! (+ ryoji)

4:47 PM

fuuk: I wonder if anyone has a scrapbook or keepsake of Minato’s hehe

koko: i have some of his dna ❤️ #justtwinthingz

mina: ew???

mina: i didn’t make any scrapbooks sorry to disappoint

Aigis: I found a nice picture of Minato and Ryoji when I was helping clean out his room.

Ryoji: Aww!

Aigis: I ripped it up, though.

Ryoji: Aww :(

koko: its okay ryoji i have so many pictures of u and minato

mina: you do?????? why????

koko: future wedding scrapbook

mina: WHAT

Ryoji: Aww!

Chapter Text

wildcards

4:02 PM

universe (better): @fool

universe (better): @fool

universe (better): @fool

universe (better): @fool

fool: HAVE MERCY

fool: WHAT DID I DO

universe (better): oh i just wanted to ask u a question lolzies

fool: ohmy god wgat

universe (better): so like. ur all around 16-19 right

universe (better): the ghost burglars i mean

world: Sorry the what

fool: U MEAN THE PHANTOM THIEVES??????/

universe (better): yeah! thats what i said

universe: no it was Not

fool: whatever yeah we’re all like 16-19

universe (better): awesome! i have an offering

fool: ….elaborate????

universe (better): my sweet baby child ken is 19 (UGH. GOD OMG HES SO OLD) and his only other persona friends have been way older than him for like. ever

universe (better): so i was wondering if i could force u all to meet him :3

universe (better): hes the sweetest i promise

universe (better): and also he has two dads and a dog if that sweetens the deal

fool: throw in some dog pictures and ill ask the group

universe: no need he sends pictures of koromaru without u even having to ask

fool: oh fuck yeah

phantom hearts of thieves?

4:07 PM

reveals your true form: hey guys wanna meet a new friend

eat crepes fight creeps: last time u asked us that akechi was revealed to have come back to life so im a little hesitant

pushes up glasses: LMFAO

makochan: I agree.

reveals your true form: ok fair enough

reveals your true form: i solemnly swear that it’s an actual new friend and not a dead guy that we all knew at some point

m'lady: …Do we even have another dead guy in common?

bromance: does morgana count

reveals your true form: he resents that

stand back heathen: Akira, at some point, if you want to get technical about it.

reveals your true form: i guess i do know myself so. it works???

smthng smthng pancakes: It doesn’t work, you didn’t actually die in real life, everyone just thought you did.

pushes up glasses: i feel like i can sense some bitterness ab that

eat crepes fight creeps: oh thank god it wasnt just me

bromance: bros disappointed

kouhai: Wait, so, what’s this about a new friend? :o

reveals your true form: thank you for the segway sumire

makochan: Segue.

reveals your true form: no sumire just actually gave me a segway im riding it right now

m'lady: How are you typing???

m'lady: And where’s Morgana?????

reveals your true form: basket

reveals your true form: no hands

bromance: bro

bromance: why didnt u invite me :(

reveals your true form: sorry bro next time trust <3

makochan: I am sincerely begging you two to never ride a segway together. I would have a heart attack.

makochan: Do you want me to have a heart attack?

bromance: no mako-chan :(

reveals your true form: no mako-chan :((((

kouhai: New friend!

reveals your true form: RIGHT

reveals your true form: so one of my new wildcard friends thats w the shadow ops told me that one of their members/friends is like. our age

reveals your true form: and he doesnt have any persona user friends that aren’t way older than him

reveals your true form: so we’re gonna befriend him i think

makochan: You think?

m'lady: Aww, that’ll be nice!

eat crepes fight creeps: sorry wait

eat crepes fight creeps: u have wildcard friends other than narukami-san??

smthng smthng pancakes: “One of my new wildcard friends with the Shadow Ops” implies there’s more than one with them.

pushes up glasses: well i guess thatd make sense their group is supposedly way bigger than ours rite

reveals your true form: uhh i only know 2 other than yu and theyre both w shadow ops

reveals your true form: and they’re also part of the og group

reveals your true form: idk if any others exist

bromance: wait i wanna meet new guy!!

reveals your true form: OH YEAH vote everybody r we unanimous

m'lady: I also would like to meet him!

makochan: Sounds good to me.

eat crepes fight creeps: yepyep!!

stand back heathen: I’m on board.

pushes up glasses: ok easier way

pushes up glasses: does anyone NOT wanna meet this guy say “i”

smthng smthng pancakes: Is my vote taken into account?

pushes up glasses: no

bromance: hell nah

eat crepes fight creeps: uhhhh

makochan: No.

smthng smthng pancakes: Fair enough.

wildcards

4:10 PM

fool: okay unanimous vote for yes

fool: well except for goro but he hates people so

universe (better): i’m gonna warn u now if anyone in ur group is mean to my son i will kill them

fool: oh! okay!

universe: shes joking

universe: actually idk

universe (better): um yeah sure!

universe (better): n e ways add me to a group with u guys in it and i’ll add ken :3

fool: okayyy

universe: tell everyone i said hi

world: Me too

Akira Kurusu, Ann Takamaki, Goro Akechi, Haru Okumura, Kotone Arisato, +4

4:12 PM

@Akira Kurusu has changed the group chat name to the ghost burglars

Akira Kurusu: felt like that was necessary

Ryuji Sakamoto: bro what????

Kotone Arisato: HA nice

Kotone Arisato: omg hi guys!!!

Kotone Arisato: i’m not the friend im just gonna add him and leave

Kotone Arisato: WAIT IS BABY DETECTIVE PRINCE HERE

Futaba Sakura: WHAT DID U CALL HIM

Ann Takamaki: LMFAOOOOOOO

Goro Akechi: What?????

Kotone Arisato: omg heyyyy!!

Kotone Arisato: i’ve heard so much ab u wink wink

Akira Kurusu: KOTONE SHUT UP??????

Ann Takamaki: wait i love her

Futaba Sakura: ME TOO

Sumire Yoshizawa: Hehehe!

Kotone Arisato: aww u guys r sweetie pies youll get along w ken just fine

Kotone Arisato: i should tell u now tho that if any of u are mean to him i’ll kill u bc he is my son xoxo

Ann Takamaki: YOURE HIS MOM????

Ann Takamaki: BUT U TEXT SO.

Ann Takamaki: teenager like

Kotone Arisato: i’m down with the kids

@Kotone Arisato has added @Ken Amada to the group chat.

Kotone Arisato: ok have a fun playdate

Kotone Arisato: OH btw minato and yu say hi!!

@Kotone Arisato has left the group chat.

Ken Amada: Oh

Ken Amada: Hello!

Ken Amada: korosleeping731.jpg

Futaba Sakura: DOG

Ann Takamaki: awww baby!!!!

Yusuke Kitagawa: Amazing composition.

Yusuke Kitagawa: I must paint this.

Ken Amada: I will give you all the money in my wallet if you paint Koromaru!

Akira Kurusu: u text like haru

Akira Kurusu: @Haru Okumura

Haru Okumura: Hello! ^^

Ken Amada: Hi! :D

Ryuji Sakamoto: wait so how old r u

Ken Amada: I’m 19.

Futaba Sakura: OHH so ur makoto, haru, and akechis age then

Futaba Sakura: dont talk to akechi hes mean

Futaba Sakura: makoto and haru are nice!!!

Ken Amada: Well that’s a little bit mean itself, no? D:

Goro Akechi: No, she’s right.

Ken Amada: Oh, okay…

Sumire Yoshizawa: Hi, Amada-senpai!

Ken Amada: Hello! You don’t have to call me Senpai, it feels weird. D:

Akira Kurusu: oh no u cant stop sumire from doing that sorry

Sumire Yoshizawa: Ken-senpai?

Ken Amada: Um, if you’re sure!

Makoto Niijima: If I may, your group of persona-users are mostly in their twenties, correct?

Ken Amada: That’s right!

Makoto Niijima: So how old were you when you started fighting shadows and such?

Ken Amada: Oh, I was 10!

Ryuji Sakamoto: WHAT

Haru Okumura: Oh my!

Goro Akechi: What the fuck??????

Ken Amada: I volunteered of my own volition, don’t worry!

Makoto Niijima: Well, still, what kind of person would let a 10-year-old join? I mean, I understand they were all teenagers, but…

Ken Amada: Oh, actually, the person who let me join was a full grown adult.

Ann Takamaki: OH MY GOD????

Akira Kurusu: that is SO much worse

Sumire Yoshizawa: Why?!

Ken Amada: Long story!

Futaba Sakura: dude are u like. okay

Ken Amada: Lol!

Futaba Sakura: …that doesnt answer my question

Ann Takamaki: WAIT WAS IT UR MOM??? DID UR MOM LET U FIGHT SHADOWS AT 10??????

Ken Amada: She most certainly did not.

Akira Kurusu: they think kotone is ur mom, she called u her son before she left

Ken Amada: Ohh, that makes much more sense.

Ken Amada: Kotone isn’t my mom, she just calls me her son as a joke. :) She was a teenager at the time, just like everyone else.

Ann Takamaki: oh thank goodness

Ryuji Sakamoto: bro even so what the hell were ur parents doing lettin u fight shadows at 10 years old

Ryuji Sakamoto: or did they even know????

Futaba Sakura: akira and i couldnt even hide from dad at our big ages

Akira Kurusu: frfr. heart stopped that day

Ken Amada: Um, well.

Ken Amada: They couldn’t really complain, considering they were dead and everything.

Ryuji Sakamoto: o

Ryuji Sakamoto: UFCK

Yusuke Kitagawa: Oh.

Akira Kurusu: WAIT IM SO CONFUSED KOTONE TOLD ME U HAD TWO DADS??

Futaba Sakura: WHAT IS HAPPENING

Goro Akechi: Again, what the fuck.

Makoto Niijima: Language.

Goro Akechi: Ryuji just swore.

Haru Okumura: Actually, he said ufck!

Sumire Yoshizawa: That is true.

Ann Takamaki: im so lost

Ken Amada: Haha, I would be too, sorry!

Ken Amada: She’s probably talking about Akihiko and Shinjiro. They’re my legal guardians, they adopted me when I was younger.

Ken Amada: They’re part of the original group.

Akira Kurusu: bro u just have like 10 older siblings

Ken Amada: Something like that, yeah. :)

Futaba Sakura: how many of them like consider u their son. u got two dads and arisato-san??

Ken Amada: I actually have two Arisato-sans.

Sumire Yoshizawa: Huh????

Akira Kurusu: this is so funny

Futaba Sakura: 20XX nuclear family. two dads, two arisato-sans, son, dog

Haru Okumura: Lol!

Akira Kurusu: this is the future liberals want

Ann Takamaki: IS ARISATO-SAN MARRIED???

Ken Amada: Oh no, she just has a twin brother.

Akira Kurusu: that’s who minato is

Ann Takamaki: ohhhhhh

Ryuji Sakamoto: WAIT ARE PERSONA USERS GENETIC THEN???

Makoto Niijima: No?????

Futaba Sakura: no no they might be, case in point: me and akira

Yusuke Kitagawa: You both are adopted.

Akira Kurusu: WHAT

Akira Kurusu: this cant be

Akira Kurusu: im texting sojiro rn

Akira Kurusu: i mean dad

Akira Kurusu: SHIT

Goro Akechi: Good job.

Akira Kurusu: awww thanks <3

Goro Akechi: I was being sarcastic.

Akira Kurusu: use tone tags, got my hopes up for nothing

Goro Akechi: That’s your own fault.

Sumire Yoshizawa: Maybe it’s just wildcards who are genetic?

Akira Kurusu: if either of my biological parents were wildcard persona users i’d have to flee the planet

Makoto Niijima: Perhaps being twins is a special case. They share DNA after all.

Haru Okumura: Are personas even a DNA thing? I thought they were more heart/soul related.

Ryuji Sakamoto: maybe twins r just two halves of the same soul

Sumire Yoshizawa: Aww, that’s sweet!

Yusuke Kitagawa: That is a beautiful thought, Ryuji.

Ryuji Sakamoto: wait wat rlly

Ken Amada: Actually, I think the twins once told me they signed a contract with some magical guy from a blue room.

Ryuji Sakamoto: dammit i thought i was smart

Akira Kurusu: oh yeah forgot igor existed

Ken Amada: Wait, so they were being serious? I thought they were just messing with me…

Akira Kurusu: no yeah he exists

Akira Kurusu: so does the blue room

Akira Kurusu: actually its called the velvet room

Ken Amada: I should probably apologize to them then…

Ken Amada: Oh, speaking of blue.

Ken Amada: koroinbluesuit.jpg

Ann Takamaki: OH MY GODDDD 💘💘😭

Yusuke Kitagawa: Breathtaking.

Akira Kurusu: awww :(((

Futaba Sakura: DOG

Haru Okumura: What a cutie pie!

Ryuji Sakamoto: YOOOO

Makoto Niijima: Aww.

Sumire Yoshizawa: Tell him I said bork bork!

Ken Amada: Haha, okay. :)

annihilation!!!!! (+ ryoji)

4:35 PM

koko: @babyman child hows the playdate going

babyman child: Everyone’s very nice! :) I’ve been sending a lot of pictures of Koromaru.

koko: awww

mina: even akechis being nice??

babyman child: Um, well, he doesn’t really talk. But he hasn’t been directly rude to me or anything.

koko: that’s probably cause i threatened him

mina: respectfully kotone i don’t think a worldwide criminal is threatened by u

mina: ur probably like a foot shorter than him

koko: i’m gonna square up with goro akechi just to prove u wrong

Mitsuru: Please don’t.

Mitsuru: What’s happening?

do you even lift bro: Yeah, what do you mean by playdate??

koko: i introduced ken to the thieves since theyre all around the same age :3 thought it’d be nice to have some persona user friends that r actual kids like him

do you even lift bro: Huh. Good idea.

babyman child: They did think you were my actual mom for a minute though which was kind of awkward.

koko: oh shit yeah i forgot i didn’t elaborate

welcome to chilis: Dude

babyman child: 20xxnuclearfamily.jpg

babyman child: Here’s a funny screenshot.

koko: LMFAO

Ryoji: Hahaha!

fuuk: Lol!

yukatan: “this is the future liberals want” I CANTTTTTT

do you even lift bro: If you add Ryoji that’s just what our house looks like when you guys stay over.

koko: two dads, two arisatos, son, dog, eldritch horror

stupei: i mean. yeah

Ryoji: 🤣

yukatan: ur telling me thats not the stereotypical family

mina: i cant even begin to imagine their reactions to ryoji being. ryoji

fuuk: The investigation team were less freaked out than I thought they would be!

yukatan: no actually it was so confusing

yukatan: “oh yeah no worries. we have teddie and marie so” ?????? LIKE WHAT

stupei: tbf yu is the chillest guy to ever chill

koko: literally

koko: don’t think i’ve seen anyone ever chill as hard as him

do you even lift bro: I don’t believe the Phantom Thieves have a Teddie or a Marie.

mina: they have a guy who came back to life isnt that basically the same thing

Aigis: Do not forget the talking cat.

koko: OMG YEAH

koko: KEN GET THEM TO SEND U A PIC OF MORGANA

babyman child: Okay???

babyman child: morgana.jpg

koko: beautiful feline

Ryoji: Kitty!

Mitsuru: Aww.

yukatan: LOOK AT THE WITTLE GUY

mina: just so u guys know morgana would actually scratch ur eyeballs out if u said anything like that to him

koko: yu said he called him kitty cat once whenever he went to leblanc and morgana hissed and scratched him

Ryoji: Aw :(

Aigis: But, he is a cat, is he not?

mina: he is he just doesn’t like to be called one

koko: it’s kind of like whenever we call junpei gay

stupei: OH MY GOD AGAIN??

Aigis: Ah, I see.

stupei: AIGIS????

yukatan: ohhh i get it

do you even lift bro: Yeah, okay.

fuuk: That makes sense!

stupei: I LITERALLY HAD A GIRLFRIEND

koko: oh yeah ofc i just mean gay as an umbrella term

koko: u totally like dudes tho

stupei: WHY DO YOU ALL HATE ME

do you even lift bro: Listen, it’s okay if you had a gay crush on Minato. We all did at some point.

welcome to chilis: I didn’t

do you even lift bro: Well. Still.

yukatan: in another universe akihiko and minato would’ve made the best power couple

koko: that’s so true

stupei: I NEVER HAD A GAY CRUSH ON MINATO????

Mitsuru: If I recall correctly, you once said that if Minato was a girl you would ask him out.

stupei: WHAT

Aigis: That is true, I have a recording of it.

stupei: WHAT THE FUKC

mina: well junpei i’m flattered but i have eyes for someone else

Ryoji: What???? Who?????

mina: uh

koko: oh my god. let’s go back to junpei being gay before i have a heart attack

welcome to chilis: Junpei once told me I was a lucky man because, and I quote, “look at Akihiko’s muscles, bro”

do you even lift bro: How sweet.

stupei: I MEANT IT IN A FRIEND WAY

stupei: I ADMIRED HIS MUSCLES FROM A PURELY PLATONIC PERSPECTIVE

mina: ppl not attracted to men in the chat have u ever admired akihiko’s muscles platonically

yukatan: nope!

Mitsuru: Can’t say I have.

fuuk: No…

koko: yes but it was because i was trying to figure out if i could do more pushups than him

koko: spoiler alert: i can’t

stupei: YEAH YEAH THAT’S WHAT I WAS DOING

Mitsuru: Oh, Junpei…

Ryoji: Yikes

fuuk: Well, anyways…

fuuk: Goodnight everyone.

stupei: NOT THIS AGAIN PLEASE

Chapter Text

wildcards

2:28 PM

world: Hey guys

world: Anyone interested in a cat

fool: i think if i brought another cat into my home morgana and sojiro would team up to kill me in my sleep

universe (better): i would love a cat so much but im not sure how mitsi and yukari would feel about that

universe: ^^^

universe: why do you ask

world: I found a cat

fool: ok did you FIND it naturally or did you seek it out and bring it home

world: It was in the apartment when I got home I left one of the windows cracked

world: This is what I get for keeping cat food in here

universe (better): no this is what you hoped would happen wouldnt it

world: Perhaps

world: Either way the cat won’t leave

world: And I am preparing for worst case scenario if Yosuke doesn’t want it

fool: what would you have done if one of us said we wanted the cat and then yosuke came home and he also wanted the cat

world: Idk

world: Die I guess

fool: okay…

fool: i’ll ask my people i guess

universe (better): yeah me too!!

world: Thanks guys

phantom hearts of thieves?

2:34 PM

reveals your true form: alright boys who wants a cat

pushes up glasses: are you trying to give morgana away again i’ll kill you

reveals your true form: not this time

reveals your true form: yu has a cat he urgently needs to get rid of

eat crepes fight creeps: ermmm i would love a cat tbh but idk if i’d be able to take care of it :(( soz

m'lady: Same here. :-(

kouhai: Yeah, me either. :(

makochan: Sis is allergic to cats. Sorry.

stand back heathen: I don’t believe the dorms allow pets.

bromance: yeah my ma’s allergic too sorry man 😔

reveals your true form: okay well i guess yu’s fucked

reveals your true form: wait

reveals your true form: @smthng smthng pancakes

smthng smthng pancakes: No.

reveals your true form: well i tried

wildcards

2:36 PM

fool: no dice sorry yu

world: Shit

annihilation!!!!! (+ ryoji)

2:36 PM

koko: hey guys!!!! who likes cats :3

babyman child: I do :)

koko: great! do you want one

babyman child: Oh. Um

welcome to chilis: If you bring a cat into our house so help me God

yukatan: wait u don’t like cats shinjiro???

welcome to chilis: I respect them. The problem is they don’t like me

do you even lift bro: I don’t mind cats. Not sure about Koromaru, though.

koko: ok fair u guys r out

koko: who else!!!!

Aigis: I like cats.

Mitsuru: I’m allergic. You live with us, Aigis.

Aigis: Aw.

stupei: cats don’t rlly like me either lowk

fuuk: I love cats! I wouldn’t mind having one.

koko: REALLY

koko: YES

koko: MISSION SUCCESS

wildcards

2:38 PM

universe (better): GUYS

world: Hey, false alarm guys. Just texted Yosuke, he wants the cat

world: What’s up Kotone?

universe (better): …

universe: lol

annihilation!!!!! (+ ryoji)

2:38 PM

koko: fuuka light of my life

koko: i lied to you

koko: but we can totally go to a shelter together

fuuk: :(

koko: i know i’m sorry it’s all yu’s fault

stupei: literally how

koko: u just gotta believe me

investigate deez nuts

4:08 PM

Yoo: Hello everyone

Yoo: kitty (679).jpg

Yoo: Meet our new cat

hi-yah: WHAT????????????

giggles menacingly: Aww!

hits you with a chair: That’s an adorable goddamn cat

tedbear: Awwww look at the baby!!!

risetti spaghetti: OH MY GODDDD 😭😭😭😭

Naoto: Cute.

Naoto: I’m surprised Yosuke agreed to getting one. Shelter?

Yoske: you’re not gonna fucking believe this naoto

hi-yah: uh oh here we go

Yoske: be me. in class

Yoske: phone starts buzzing like 300 beats per minute

Yoske: i’m finally able to check it and it’s like 786 pictures of this damn cat

Yoske: APPARENTLY it snuck in through a window??????

Yoske: we’re not keeping it forever we’re just gonna take it to the vet and shelter and stuff

giggles menacingly: Uh huh..

Yoo: Yep……

Yoo: On a totally unrelated note what’s everyone’s best cat name ideas

hits you with a chair: Missile launcher

risetti spaghetti: hana! ❤️

risetti spaghetti: wait is it a girl or a boy

Yoo: Good question

Yoo: One second

hi-yah: oh my god

hits you with a chair: Missile launcher is gender neutral

Yoske: WE’RE NOT NAMING THE CAT

Yoske: AND ESPECIALY NOT MISSILE LAUNCHER????

hits you with a chair: Wow

hits you with a chair: Are you homophobic or something?

hi-yah: yikes yosuke :/

tedbear: Wowww…

Yoske: NO

Yoske: NO

Yoske: NO

Yoske: NO

Yoske: WE’RE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN

Yoske: I LEFT THIS IN HIGHSCHOOL

Yoo: It’s a girl

hits you with a chair: I’m just sayin man it’s pretty weird you’re so quick to turn me down

hits you with a chair: You sure it’s not because I’m gay?

hi-yah: yeah idk dude seems pretty sus to me

risetti spaghetti: EXTREMELY sus

Naoto: Hana is a cute name. I also like Hime.

Yoske: IM NOT BEING HOMOPHOBIC PLEEEASE DONT DOTHIS TO ME 😭😭😭😭

Yoo: I was thinking maybe Momo or Mei

hits you with a chair: Like it’s not weird that I’m into guys. I just think it’s pretty shitty of you

risetti spaghetti: agreed, get better yosuke 🙄

hi-yah: dont be so immature smh smh

Naoto: I like both of those names. What about Shiro or Yuki?

giggles menacingly: I’m confused.

Yoske: LEAVE ME ALONE P,ELFGB

Yoske: I’M LITERALLY DATING A MAN

tedbear: Gay AND homophobic? Pick a struggle :(

risetti spaghetti: LMFAOOOOO

Yoo: Shiro and Yuki are a little on the nose. It’s a tie between Hana and Mei for me

hits you with a chair: Just. What would Nanako say, yk?? Her big bros gay, she’d be pretty pissed with you if she knew you were being homophobic

Yoske: DONT BRING NANAKO INTO THIS??????

Naoto: I can see that. Then, my vote is for Hana.

hi-yah: oh yeah i totally agree, nanako would be so upset her second big bro was homophobic :(

Yoske: IM HER SECOND BIG BRO BECAUSE IM DATING HER FIRST ONE

hits you with a chair: See you say that and then you’re all “oooh I’m Yosuke and I’m gonna be homophobic to Kanji”

risetti spaghetti: it’s true i saw him send that exact message

Yoske: WHAT THE FUCK???

Yoo: Awesome. Cats name is Hana, everyone

Yoske: WHAT?????????????

hits you with a chair: I’m still up for missile launcher but I guess I understand Yosuke is afraid of trusting gay peoples suggestions, what with his whole… thing

Yoske: literally die???

hi-yah: now THATS homophobic

tedbear: Telling gay people to die? That’s low, even for you, Yosuke!

Yoske: imagine i died today and these were all your last words to me

hits you with a chair: I mean. I’m not really for homophobes being alive

risetti spaghetti: yeah exactly

risetti spaghetti: omg wait speaking of homophobia. i have to go do something

Naoto: Literally what action is homophobia tied to for you?

hits you with a chair: For me it’s calling Yosuke

Yoske: IM GONNA JUMP OUT THE WINDOW

famous gayness

4:19 PM

lover: hey girlies and naoto

lover: did we ever decide on adding akechi-kun to this chat

fearless: omg no we didnt!!!

1989: i promise u guys hes such a gossip girl he WILL give us the best tea

lover: naoto how uncomfortable would you be in a gc with your second coming

midnights: You all do realize I don’t know him personally, right?

lover: lets change that!

fearless: yessss

fearless: worst comes to worst we can always kick his ass out

fearless: we did it to mitsuru

1989: HELLO WHAT???

lover: omg evermore 💔💔💔💔

fearless: listen i love my wife just as much as the next guy but she is NOT a gossip girlie

fearless: she understood its ok

1989: LMAO okay

1989: ill ask him then yeah???

lover: YES DO IT

good luck babe

4:21 PM

hot to go: GORO

hot to go: GORO

hot to go: GORO

good luck babe: What????

hot to go: hey girl weird question

hot to go: do u wanna join a gc with me, yukari, rise, and naoto :3

good luck babe: Why would I want to do that?

good luck babe: Also I don’t know who two of those people are.

hot to go: OH YEAH

hot to go: rise is one of akiras inaba friends

hot to go: yukari is mitsurus wife

hot to go: its a gc for us famous persona users to gossip and talk shit

hot to go: thats literally all we do

good luck babe: I’m intrigued.

hot to go: you can say hi and we can go from there!!!!! u dont have to stay :)

good luck babe: Fine.

hot to go: YAY

hot to go: ill add u now

hot to go: i also should probably warn u that as soon as u join u should expect grilling about akira

good luck babe: What. Why.

good luck babe: Ann. Why.

famous gayness

4:23 PM

@1989 has added @Goro Akechi to the group chat.

lover: i’m just saying like if he WANTED to he would.

midnights: I’m not sure that applies to police officers not giving you tickets.

lover: HE SAID HE LIKED MY MUSIC AND THEN FINED ME. like if u love my music that much then ummm maybe let me keep making it???

midnights: How much money do you have again?

fearless: hi akechi-kun!! 💕💕💕

lover: WHAT

lover: WHEN

lover: OMG IM SO SORRY I WAS SO DISTRACTED

1989: girl 😭

1989: okay so i’m ann obv, lover is rise, midnights is naoto, and fearless is yukari!

fearless: 🥳

midnights: Hello, Akechi-kun. It’s nice to meet you.

midnights: Er, sort of, since it’s over text.

lover: HI AKECHI-KUNNN it’s so good to finally meet you!!!!!!

lover: we have heard SO MUCH about you.

lover: so much….. 😭

Goro Akechi: I’m sorry, I think?

lover: LMAOOO NOO i’m just making fun of akira behind his back

lover: what’s your fav taylor swift album????

Goro Akechi: I don’t listen to Taylor Swift.

1989: omg

1989: hold on i got this

@1989 has changed @Goro Akechi’s nickname to @reputation.

lover: omg yes that fits so good!

fearless: girl i thought u were showing him the modern tunes

lover: ‘modern tunes’ 😭😭😭

fearless: i think aigis is infecting me

1989: I AM he knows chappell roan now!

1989: it’s a work in progress ❤️

midnights: Chappell Roan?

lover: Oh My Fucking God

lover: i’m in inaba this weekend pls remind me to show u and kanji chappell roan.

lover: honestly kanji probably already knows her

1989: OKAY so. welcome to our gossip chat

1989: what’s our most recent topic we need to assimilate him

fearless: idc what our most recent topic was rn i NEEED to talk about ryoji and minato.

lover: speak ur truth

midnights: Should we provide Akechi-kun with the ‘lore’ first?

lover: first of all i’m screenshotting that message

lover: second of all probably

fearless: OMG OKAY so

fearless: you talked with mitsuru (and prob akira) about a bunchhhh of stuff right

fearless: how much do u know about ryoji and minato

reputation: Um.

reputation: I know Minato is one of the wild cards, and him and his sister also had a die-and-revive situation.

reputation: I know practically nothing about Ryoji. Who’s that?

fearless: oh boy. okay

fearless: don’t freak out alright

reputation: I assure you, you do not have to be concerned about that.

1989: no like dude it’s crazy weird

1989: BUT i mean you’d probably be chill with it tbh

fearless: okay i’m just gonna give you the tldr and you can get details later

fearless: ryoji is an eldritch horror type thing that was inside the twins bodies

reputation: I’m sorry, he was what?

lover: YUKARI 😭😭😭😭

fearless: no like. i mean LITERALLY like he was in their souls or some weird shit like that

fearless: uh he gained a body at some point

fearless: and then he poofed BUT came back after the twins came back

fearless: this would probably be a sign of concern but mitsuru has confirmed for us that his comeback will not bring armageddon and he’s basically just a normal human now ❤️

midnights: Somehow the story gets more normal everytime I hear it.

reputation: I’m following. Somehow.

fearless: okay great

fearless: so him and minato have been hopelessly in love with eachother for FOREVER and literally everyone knows it except for them

fearless: as in like minato will be like “omg yeah i like him but idk if he likes me back yk…” meanwhile ryojis putting his jacket on a puddle so he can walk on the sidewalk. that type of down bad oblivion

reputation: Sure.

fearless: so now we get to my story

1989: okay i’m sat

fearless: oh shit i should also mention that ryoji and the twins live with us

fearless: because we live in a gigantic mansion that has frankly too much space for us

fearless: so anyways i was walking around in my OWN HOUSE mind you

fearless: i walk into one of the sitting rooms and you’ll never guess what i see.

lover: oh boy

fearless: they are, i shit you not, FEEDING EACHOTHER STRAWBERRIES

1989: SHUT UP?????

lover: YOURE JOKINF

midnights: Oh my.

fearless: so naturally my first thought is to call kotone and ask her to come down and make sure i’m not fucking HALLUCINATING

fearless: but literally as soon as she picks up the phone she just goes “i know. i know, i saw it”

1989: IM DYINGGG STOP

lover: 😭😭😭😭😭😭

fearless: so anyways i promptly gagged and walked out

fearless: and that’s my story. i refused to ask any questions or anything i just needed to tell other people about it

midnights: Do you all have a group chat without Minato and Ryoji in it for this situation exactly? It seems like you should.

fearless: no but ur right we should i’ll talk to kotone about it

reputation: That is… certainly something.

lover: lowkey it reminds me of in high school when we’d eat lunch together and yosuke and yu would try eachothers lunches in the most homoerotic way possible

midnights: Good god, don’t remind me of that. Keep that to yourself.

1989: omg what 😭😭😭

fearless: hey speaking of homoeroticism!

fearless: akechi what’s up with you and kurusu

reputation: Nothing.

1989: loud incorrect buzzer???

reputation: Nothing on my end.

1989: even louder incorrect buzzer???????

midnights: Please disregard them, you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.

fearless: i’ll talk about my love life to break the ice

fearless: surprise guys i actually HATED mitsuru for a while when we first knew eachother

1980: WHAT?????

lover: enemies to lovers is my fave

midnights: I wasn’t expecting that.

reputation: Me either. Kirijo-san always spoke as if you two were very close.

fearless: well yeah we are NOW

fearless: but before mitsuru and i were dating i had a crush on kotone and would talk to her and minato about how angry i was with mitsuru all the time

fearless: it’s cuz our families had history (in the mildest way possible to put it)

1989: NO WAYYYY

lover: omg wait okay i’ll go next

lover: i had a BADDD crush on yu in high school

lover: lowkey though it went away quick once i saw how him and yosuke interacted smh

fearless: omg did yu know???

lover: oh ABSOLUTELY i was not subtle at all about it everyone knew

lover: yosuke also knew. we had a very short but very evil rivalry at some point

lover: it was beautiful. yosuke is my bestie now

1989: LMAOOO that’s insane

lover: anyways nowadays my heart belongs to everyone i don’t really think i’ve ever had any super like. LOVE feelings

lover: like even with yu it was just a stupid high school crush

lover: no offense akechi

reputation: I graduated a while ago.

lover: oh. erm

1989: ironic considering ur nickname girl

lover: I KNOWWW LOLL

lover: ne ways i’ve kind of inserted myself weirdly into naoto and kanjis also weird relationship

lover: something something queer positivity don’t need labels blau blah blah

fearless: yeah real

1989: wait i’m not up to date with the naoto and kanji lore???

lover: OH YEAH YOURE NOT

midnights: I don’t classify our relationship as specifically romantic or platonic, just close.

midnights: If people ask, we usually just say we’re dating (or roommates, depending on the person) since we go beyond platonic ‘norms.’

midnights: He is simply someone I want to spend my life with. It’s hard to put into words, but I also don’t think I feel romantic attraction the same way others do so that may play a part.

1989: oh that’s super interesting!!! thank u for sharing

fearless: sorry to ruin the moment but they’re feeding eachother supper rn i have to kms

fearless: mitsuruwtfface.jpg

fearless: aigiseyebrowraise.jpg

fearless: kotoneheadinhands.jpg

lover: ARE U FUCKINF JOKING

1989: LMFAOOOOOO THEIR FACES I LITERLAKY CANT

midnights: Lol.

reputation: I don’t think I’ve ever seen Kirijo-san look so…

fearless: baffled? shocked? offended?

reputation: Yes. All of those.

fearless: akihiko shinjiro ken and koro are coming over for dinner tomorrow. if it happens again i’ll get pictures of all their faces

reputation: Even Koromaru’s?

fearless: you’d be extremely surprised how expressive he can be

lover: so anyways!

lover: do you have any gossip to share akechi-kun?

reputation: Like, anything?

lover: ANYTHING girl

lover: nothing we say leaves this gc without all of our permissions trust

reputation: Hmm.

reputation: Akira left his phone unattended the other day and I think Ryuji went through his gallery and found a picture of some people named Chie and Dojima playing Just Dance if that means anything.

lover: ARE YOU SERIOUS

lover: i need you two to get me that picture. right now

lover: HOW DID HE EVEN TWKRNTHAT PICTURE WITHOUT EITHER OFNTHEM NOTICING

lover: WHY WAS DOJIMA PLAYINF WITH CHIE OF ALL PEOPLE???

midnights: This is great news.

Chapter Text

Aigis, Akihiko Sanada, Junpei Iori, Ken Amada, Kotone Arisato, +5

7:34 PM

Yukari Takeba: hello everyone

Yukari Takeba: there is a reason you all have been brought here today

Aigis: Minato and Ryoji are not in this group chat.

Yukari Takeba: exactly

@Yukari Takeba has changed the group chat name to lgbtq intervention.

Yukari Takeba: we need to stop this

Shinjiro Aragaki: Oh thank god

Akihiko Sanada: Is this about what I think it is.

Junpei Iori: wait wats up

Yukari Takeba: it is about what happened at dinner today and also many other Situations piled on top

Yukari Takeba: it’s beginning to take a mental toll on everyone involved

Yukari Takeba: kotone is still staring off into space

Ken Amada: I’m sorry, I don’t get what’s happening here. All they did was giggle and I think Ryoji fed Minato a berry or something? It was cute! They’re being happy!

Fuuka Yamagishi: That’s it? :( It sounds nice!

Kotone Arisato: first of all i adore you both so much

Kotone Arisato: second of all tho this is my BROTHER and everytime i witness something gay when theyre not even officially dating it takes years off of my second life

Kotone Arisato: do u want me to die again?????

Ken Amada: Noo :(

Kotone Arisato: good

Kotone Arisato: so the point of this gc is to make a very amazing plan to get them together

Kotone Arisato: we need ideas everyone go

Junpei Iori: UM UM UM SHIT

Mitsuru Kirijo: Is this not a little intrusive?

Kotone Arisato: no dont worry we did the same to you and yukari

Akihiko Sanada: Kotone!

Junpei Iori: BRO

Yukari Takeba: HUH?????

Mitsuru Kirijo: What do you mean by that.

Kotone Arisato: nothing! :3 xoxo

Kotone Arisato: ANY IDEAS

Fuuka Yamagishi: We could perfectly arrange them so that Minato falls and Ryoji catches him? And we’re playing music or something.

Yukari Takeba: lowkey i think ryoji would just catch him and be like “be careful lol” and minato would be like “yeah haha” and rhey would go on about their days

Fuuka Yamagishi: Yeah, you’re probably right. :(

Akihiko Sanada: You’d think that after a near(?) death/disappearance on both of their parts they’d be more inclined to confess their feelings. That’s what happened with me and Shinjiro.

Shinjiro Aragaki: Ew

Shinjiro Aragaki: Sorry

Shinjiro Aragaki: Habit

Akihiko Sanada: ????

Shinjiro Aragaki: Emotions

Akihiko Sanada: Ah.

Kotone Arisato: real

Kotone Arisato: anyways do we have any more ideas

Aigis: Idea: We leave the situation alone.

Kotone Arisato: aigis my love u just dont want them to date

Kotone Arisato: im honestly not sure why i added you to this chat

Aigis: That is true. 🙁

Ken Amada: What if some of us go on a group outing with them and then cancel last minute? To like a romantic place or something.

Akihiko Sanada: Soooo, we’d be asking Minato and Ryoji to come with some of us as a group to, say, a very romantic fancy restaurant and expect no questions.

Kotone Arisato: tbh i think both of them would be cool with it for the food and shit

Kotone Arisato: it might work

Mitsuru Kirijo: But how high is the possibility that they’ll just go on a normal platonic hangout by themselves and make no progress?

Kotone Arisato: ……very high

Kotone Arisato: idea scrapped sorry ken

Yukari Takeba: let’s go back to our roots and play spin the bottle

Shinjiro Aragaki: With 4 married people

Shinjiro Aragaki: You want one of us to kiss your wife?

Yukari Takeba: okay maybe not

Kotone Arisato: I VOLUNTEER

Kotone Arisato: oh

Kotone Arisato: ok

Yukari Takeba: girl???

Kotone Arisato: i mean we could play with just us singles but

Fuuka Yamagishi: I love you all dearly but I don’t think I want to do that.

Kotone Arisato: okay tru ilyt fuuka

Kotone Arisato: aigis how do u feel about playing spin the bottle with me junpei minato and ryoji

Aigis: If I ended up kissing Ryoji, I’d have to kill him.

Kotone Arisato: ok yeah i didnt think about that

Kotone Arisato: spin the bottle is off the table

Junpei Iori: plus theres like a 50% chance of me kissing a guy lol

Akihiko Sanada: Is there something wrong with that?

Junpei Iori: DUDE NO im just saying since im straight and everything itd prob be uncomfy for every1 involved

Yukari Takeba: i would be really appreciating your sensitivity if it weren’t for the fact i wanted to punt u

Kotone Arisato: spin the bottle is back on guys!

Kotone Arisato: theres a new meaning to lgbtq intervention now

Kotone Arisato: junpei we have to kick you out dont ask why

Junpei Iori: NO WHAT

Junpei Iori: LET ME LIVE????

Mitsuru Kirijo: Let’s handle one problem at a time.

Yukari Takeba: sighhhh. ok junpei sexuality speculation aside

Yukari Takeba: we need another idea

Akihiko Sanada: This may be a really bad idea.

Akihiko Sanada: But what if we convinced one of them that the other was dating someone else?

Kotone Arisato: OOOOO PAUSE

Kotone Arisato: THATS FIRE??

Mitsuru Kirijo: I feel that might do more harm than good.

Kotone Arisato: do u have anything better

Mitsuru Kirijo: …No.

Shinjiro Aragaki: Hell I’ll try anything at this point

Ken Amada: I guess we could always say it was a misunderstanding if they don’t end up figuring it out.

Fuuka Yamagishi: It might be all we have!

Yukari Takeba: it’s either this or 30 more years of oblivion tbh

Kotone Arisato: okay we got this

Kotone Arisato: extra planning mode activate everyone lock in

dumb

12:09 PM

dumber: minatoooo

dumber: are u free to talk

dumb: yeah whats up

dumber: sooo u might wanna be sitting down for this

dumb: ok?

dumb: can u not just call me

dumber: my speaker is fucked up its junpeis fault he fucking hosed me

dumb: what???? why????? how?????

dumber: DIFFERENT STORY

dumber: anyway i couldnt wait until u got home to tell you

dumb: ok kotone im not that free just tell me whats up

dumber: so i went out to lunch w yukari earlier rite

dumber: and i saw ryoji with another guy

dumber: and like. what they were doing was decidedly NOT straight OR platonic

dumber: its so weird bc i dont even know who the other guy was?? i may just be misunderstanding the situation

dumber: but like. as much as i joke about it i dont usually kiss my friends so 👀

dumb: ohhh weird

dumb: thanks for telling me

dumber: ur welcome :( sorry

dumb: its fine

beast

12:11 PM

beauty: hey

beast: Hi! :D

beauty: do u know why kotone is telling me u were at a restaurant with some guy we dont know?

beauty: i dont think u would do that

beast: I’m not sure, I was at the library?

beauty: weird

beauty: i’m trying to figure out why she thought that

beast: Maybe she saw someone different?

beauty: i guess

beauty: thanks <3

beast: <3

dumber

12:12 PM

dumb: i just texted him he said he was at the library

dumber: oh u asked him?

dumb: yeah

dumber: like. just like that?

dumb: yeah??

dumber: oh!

dumber: okay well i guess i saw someone different then !!!! sorry!!!!!

dumb: its no big deal

dumb: get ur eyes checked

dumber: nuh uh

lgbtq intervention

12:13 PM

Kotone Arisato: great news guys! it didnt work

Akihiko Sanada: Damn.

Junpei Iori: NOOOO

Yukari Takeba: WHAT THE HELL

Yukari Takeba: HOW

Kotone Arisato: so i did my part and told him

Kotone Arisato: even suggested it might be a misunderstanding like mitsuru said so as to not completely destroy their relationship

Kotone Arisato: and i swear to god. he just ASKED him

Fuuka Yamagishi: Minato… asked Ryoji if he was on a date?

Kotone Arisato: I GUESS!!!!!!!

Ken Amada: I wish I had that confidence.

Kotone Arisato: ITS SO NOT HIM??? he wouldve just left it and came to his own assumptions like the stupid loner he is

Kotone Arisato: im so confused

Shinjiro Aragaki: But he said nothing about confessing feelings or all that jazz

Kotone Arisato: absolutely nothing

Kotone Arisato: minatotextscreenshot.jpg

Yukari Takeba: we need to investigate

Yukari Takeba: somethings up here

Yukari Takeba: i really doubt minato would just be cool with it like that

Mitsuru Kirijo: Strangely, I agree. I expected more distress, at least with Kotone.

Mitsuru Kirijo: Or more excitement when he learned you were wrong.

Kotone Arisato: RIGHT????

Kotone Arisato: i mean ig it could be just the way he talks over text

Kotone Arisato: i regret not calling him

Kotone Arisato: fuck u junpei

Junpei Iori: U WERE IN THE WAY

Akihiko Sanada: Let’s not start this again.

annihilation!!!!! (+ ryoji)

12:15 PM

Ryoji: This chat’s awfully quiet today :o

lgbtq intervention

12:15 PM

Kotone Arisato: FUCK

Yukari Takeba: EVERYONE BE COOL

annihilation (+ ryoji)

12:16 PM

Aigis: Agreed. I’m detecting a 21% decrease of activity compared to compiled data of this time frame.

lgbtq intervention

12:16 PM

Kotone Arisato: aigis do u hate me be honest why would u agree we’re sypposed to be cool

Aigis: I feel he would be more suspicious if I didn’t say anything like this.

Aigis: Also, I am still against this entire plan.

annihilation (+ ryoji)

12:16 PM

yukatan: TRUUU i didnt even notice until now

yukatan: i guess ppl r just busy today

koko: not me i have nothing to do

koko: just sitting here. waiting for u all to come back like a dog at the front door

barks at you: Ruff. :(

koko: awwww

welcome to chilis: Sorry I’ve been trying to work on Aki’s horrendous cooking skills

do you even lift bro: Was that really necessary to publicize?

babyman child: It hasn’t been completely horrendous!

welcome to chilis: Who taught you to lie? I know damn well it wasn’t me

babyman child: Myself!

welcome to chilis: Fair enough

stupei: i don’t even wanna talk in here anymore bc all u guys r gonna do is call me gay

koko: ha gay

mina: yawn

Ryoji: Hi Minato :D

lgbtq intervention

12:17 PM

Kotone Arisato: i’m actually gonna throw up

annihilation!!!!! (+ ryoji)

12:17 PM

mina: hey

fuuk: Oh hi! I didn’t even notice we hadn’t talked much today :o I got this new game and I’ve been playing it nonstop.

mina: what game?

fuuk: Tetris

lgbtq intervention

12:18 PM

Mitsuru Kirijo: Tetris??

Fuuka Yamagishi: I panicked! I didn’t think I’d get that far!

Akihiko Sanada: Now I’m going to throw up.

annihilation!!!!! (+ ryoji)

12:18 PM

mina: tetris isn’t new

fuuk: Oh yeah it’s a special version haha

mina: i see

lgbtq intervention

12:19 PM

Kotone Arisato: okay this is getting really bad

Kotone Arisato: we need backup. fresh ideas perhaps

Kotone Arisato: cover for me ill brb

Ken Amada: Don’t leave us here!!!!!

wildcards

12:20 PM

universe (better): @everyone EMERGENCY

fool: HUH

world: What’s wrong?

universe: whats up

universe (better): HOLY SHIT I FORGOT U WERE IN THIS CHAT

universe (better): nvm guys! i figured it out lol

Aigis, Akira Kurusu, Kotone Arisato, Yu Narukami

12:21 PM

Kotone Arisato: EMERGENCY

Akira Kurusu: hello wtf

Yu Narukami: What’s going on.

Aigis: Nothing.

Kotone Arisato: AIGIS STOP SABOTAGING ME IM GOING TO BANISH U

Kotone Arisato: okay oh my god so

Kotone Arisato: me and the others made a plan to get minato and ryoji together

Yu Narukami: Let me guess. It went wrong

Kotone Arisato: SORT OF ITS GETTING THERE AND WE NEED HELP

Kotone Arisato: WE NEED COMPLETELY NEW PLANS

Kotone Arisato: WE NEED IDEAS

Kotone Arisato: PLEASE ASK EVERYONE

Akira Kurusu: say no more whats already been rejected

Kotone Arisato: group outing then leaving them alone, spin the bottle, telling one of them the other was dating somebody

Akira Kurusu: i got u

Yu Narukami: I guess I do too?

Kotone Arisato: THANK YOU GUYS 😭😭😭😭😭😭

investigate deez nuts

12:23 PM

Yoo: Hey guys. So really weird question

hi-yah: uh oh

risetti spaghetti: why am i actually terrified

hits you with a chair: Yosuke?

Yosk: idk man im just as confused as you

Yoo: What are your best ideas for getting two people together

Yoo: Specifically Minato and Ryoji

risetti spaghetti: ohhh noo theyre super oblivious

Naoto: That isn’t going to happen.

Yoo: Why do you two know so much

risetti spaghetti: ummmmm

Naoto: Anyways.

Naoto: You need ideas.

Yoo: Yes that is what I said

giggles menacingly: Invite them both out somewhere romantic and then cancel on them?

Yoo: Apparently it’s already been done

hi-yah: uhhh lets see

hi-yah: spin the bottle

Yoo: Nope

hi-yah: wtf

hits you with a chair: Get em drunk idk

risetti spaghetti: yukari’s already tried that one :(

Yoo: ????

tedbear: Horror movies!

Yoo: Horror movies?????

tedbear: Yeah! Sit them next to each other and when they get scared they can hold on to each other >:3

Yoo: That would be genius if I didn’t think Minato would love horror movies. Probably Ryoji too

tedbear: Awww…

hi-yah: i guess we got nothing man

Yoo: Thanks for trying

Aigis, Akira Kurusu, Kotone Arisato, Yu Narukami

12:25 PM

Yu Narukami: Nothing on my end

Yu Narukami: Rise and Naoto seem oddly knowledgeable on the subject though. Kind of worried for Minato and Ryoji’s safety

phantom hearts of thieves?

12:25 PM

reveals your true form: @everyone ideas on how to get people together go

eat crepes fight creeps: girl if we knew u and he who shall not be named would be married already

pushes up glasses: same with makochan and haru </3

makochan: What?

pushes up glasses: nothinggggg („ಡωಡ„)

bromance: yeah what ann said bro

stand back heathen: I don’t think I’m very knowledgeable in romantic endeavors either way.

m'lady: Me either, sorry Akira. :-(

kouhai: Is just normally setting them up not an option?

reveals your true form: uh apparently not

kouhai: Hmm. If I think of anything, I’ll let you know! But right now I’m coming up empty handed. :(

reveals your true form: its okay sumire ily

reveals your true form: is that everyone

reveals your true form: WHERE IS HE

pushes up glasses: he has this chat silenced probably doing nerd shit like studying

makochan: You should be doing so too, Futaba.

pushes up glasses: ON A SUNDAY??????

makochan: That’s precisely why. You have all day to study.

pushes up glasses: makoto no

sherlock

12:27 PM

watson: GORO

watson: GORO

watson: GORO

watson: GORO

watson: GORO

watson: GORO

watson: GORO

sherlock: Oh my god what

watson: goro this is incredibly serious. we need to put aside our differences like me being hopelessly in love with you and you hating my guts for a minute.

sherlock: Okay? Is everything alright?

watson: minato and mochizuki NEED to start dating.

sherlock: …

sherlock: I’m going to silence your number now.

watson: NO PLEAS DRM BEGGING

watson: LISTEN TO ME

watson: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS ON HOW TO GET THEM TOGETHER

sherlock: Why would you come to me of all people about this?

watson: no one else had ideas

sherlock: That makes sense.

sherlock: I have nothing.

watson: that makes sense

watson: ok bye ily

sherlock: No.

watson: worth a shot

Aigis, Akira Kurusu, Kotone Arisato, Yu Narukami

12:29 PM

Akira Kurusu: i also got nothing except for goro rejectingf my attempts to date him once more

Kotone Arisato: its okay if this succeeds somehow we’ll do u guys next

Akira Kurusu: u can try i guess

Kotone Arisato: UGH WE’RE SO FUCKED

famous gayness

12:30 PM

reputation: Do any of you know why Akira just messaged me asking for ideas on how to get Minato and Mochizuki together?

1989: yeah he texted the whole gc ab it!!!

lover: wait yu texted us about it too??

midnights: Yukari?

fearless: omfg i cant even

fearless: we’re currently in the midst of a plan about to go horribly wrong

fearless: i think kotone was texting the other wildcards for ideas

reputation: I think this plan of yours has exceeded the amount of people needed to be involved.

fearless: yea u rite

fearless: WE GOT NOTHING ELSE THO

lover: okayy give us the tldr how is this all going to shit maybe we can help

fearless: AUUGGH okay so

fearless: basically our plan was to tell minato we saw ryoji with someone else like. romantically right

fearless: but for some reason minato was weirdly chill ab it? and then he just ASKED ryoji if he was out on a date w someone

fearless: which like. ig would be normal but this is minato and ryoji we’re talking ab theyve danced around their feelings for ages

fearless: its so weird thst hes suddenly just so cool about their whole Thing

fearless: and one thing led to another and now we’re fighting for our lives in the gc

midnights: Can I suggest something quite out of the box?

fearless: naoto we’ll take anything rn

midnights: When was the last time either of them talked to any of you about their feelings for the other?

fearless: uhhh ill ask

lover: im confused

1989: me too

reputation: I think I see where this is going.

fearless: okay we’ve concluded it was minato talking to kotone about it around 2 months agoish

midnights: Ask them if they’re dating.

fearless: WHAT

fearless: NO???

fearless: WHY??????

fearless: to like??? make them think about it???

midnights: Just do it.

fearless: oh my god i cant believe im trusting u with this naoto

annihilation!!!!! (+ ryoji)

12:34 PM

do you even lift bro: So that’s when I said, “Why bacon?”

do you even lift bro: And he goes, “Dogs like bacon.”

stupei: OMG DUDEEE

fuuk: Wow!

Mitsuru: Interesting. Tell another story.

mina: u guys r being weird

babyman child: We’re being perfectly normal!!!!

koko: yeah idk what ur talking ab hahaha

yukatan: hey minato ryoji weird question

koko: A

koko: WHAT

mina: whats up

ryoji: Hm?

welcome to chilis: Yukari?????

yukatan: are u guys dating

koko: KDHFGJNKLRFJGHBNM,?????

Mitsuru Kirijo: Oh. Oh no.

Aigis: 🙁

fuuk: Ahhh!

stupei: YUKARI WTF??????

do you even lift bro: Why would you do this

Ryoji: Yeah, we are! How’d you know? :D

mina: wow neither of us won the bet

koko: WHAT TRE FUCK??????d!mnbFZV

welcome to chilis: You’re fucking joking

yukatan: oh my god naoto was right

fuuk: Oh my!

babyman child: Wait, what?

stupei: IM GONNA SHIT MYSLERF HWTA

Mitsuru: Ah. I see.

Aigis: This is absurd.

Aigis: I do not approve.

do you even lift bro: So this was all for nothing.

koko: i

koko: i guess so

Ryoji: What do you mean? :o

koko: i don’t even wanna talk about it

welcome to chilis: Well this has been fun. Night everybody

mina: its 12pm

Mitsuru: No, no. He’s right. It’s time for a nap.

do you even lift bro: A nap? I’m sleeping until the morning.

fuuk: Yes, I think I might do the same…

babyman child: Goodnight…

Ryoji: Guys D:

yukatan: i owe naoto everything ever

yukatan: goodnight.

koko: i’m already sleeping as we speak

Aigis: How?

koko: shhh aigis

koko: it’s time for bed

mina: what is wrong with u guys

stupei: how does it feel.

mina: …

mina: night junpei

Ryoji: Yeah goodnight Junpei! :)

stupei: WTF NO UR NOT TURNING THIS ON ME AGAIN

stupei: COME BACK

barks at you: Goodnight! ❤️

stupei: KEN PLEASE

wildcards

12:40 PM

universe (better): hey guys

universe (better): good news. theyre dating

universe (better): bad news. im fucking stupid

universe: L

fool: when is it my turn

Chapter Text

phantom hearts of thieves?

5:47 PM

reveals your true form: @pushes up glasses does goro have the chat silenced rn

eat crepes fight creeps: uh oh. here we go

bromance: bro dont even start

pushes up glasses: yeah he does and im about to too ❤️

reveals your true form: ok wow. ohana means family bitch

reveals your true form: anyways

reveals your true form: do you guys think i could convince goro to do matching halloween costumes with me

makochan: No.

kouhai: Maybe! It’d be super super super super incredibly super hard, though. :(

eat crepes fight creeps: absolutely NOT

stand back heathen: I wouldn’t place my bet on it, no.

pushes up glasses: u already know what im guna say

m'lady: Hmm. :-(

smthng smthng pancakes: No.

reveals your true form: ok so u all hate me

reveals your true form: GORO

reveals your true form: WHERE DID U COME FROM

reveals your true form: FUTABA I THOUGHT U SAID HE HAD IT SILENCED

pushes up glasses: HE DOES?????

smthng smthng pancakes: I was looking at my messages when you happened to ask, that’s all.

bromance: literally who else do u talk to except for us dude

pushes up glasses: no actually

smthng smthng pancakes: Other people.

pushes up glasses: let me guess do they go to another school

smthng smthng pancakes: Technically, no.

pushes up glasses: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

pushes up glasses: hold up im checking this shit out

smthng smthng pancakes: Suit yourself.

famous gayness

5:50 PM

fearless: so OF COURSE i walk in with my eyes covered. and turns out they werent doing unspeakable things they were actually just eating hummus

lover: im sorry. what?

midnights: Oh.

1989: UMMM????

reputation: Yikes.

reputation: Oh, say hi to Futaba.

lover: hi futaba!!! 💕💕💕

fearless: hey girl sorry u had to see that

midnights: Hello.

1989: LMAOOO

phantom hearts of thieves?

5:51 PM

pushes up glasses: ok i guess he does have friends.

pushes up glasses: but theyre other persona users so im not counting them

eat crepes fight creeps: girl?

stand back heathen: By that logic, I have no friends.

pushes up glasses: ok nvm now i feel bad

reveals your true form: this is blasphemy????? how have i not heard of this

eat crepes fight creeps: dont feel too bad akira whats said in the gossip chat stays in the gossip chat

makochan: The what?

eat crepes fight creeps: huh? 🤔

reveals your true form: i need to meet these friends of goros

reveals your true form: we need to collaborate

eat crepes fight creeps: rise and naoto are two of them!

smthng smthng pancakes: You fucking traitor.

eat crepes fight creeps: 😚💋

stand back heathen: I don’t think Akira would be too happy about those emoticons, Ann.

reveals your true form: DUDE

reveals your true form: WHY HAVE RISE AND NAOTO NOT TALKED TO ME ABOUT THIS

yasoinaba crew!!!

5:53 PM

kira: @rice @nao

kira: WHY HAS NOBODY TOLD ME U GUJYS R FRIENDS WITH GORO???????!?1/1/

rice: girl i totes forgot!

kira: YOU FUCKING LIAR

yuki: Who taught you to swear like that? ☹️

kandi: Me probably soz

nao: I didn’t forget, I just didn’t know if it was something we should talk about.

kira: DO YOU HATE ME

kira: DO OYU LOVE GORO MORE THAN ME

kira: I KNEW IT ITS BC UR BOTH DETECTIVES

nao: I didn’t even say anything!

kira: friendship ended with rise and naoto yosuke is my new best friend

yolk: bro why me??

kira: oh ok sorry ill just die then

yolk: dude

ted: :(

kira: friendship ended with rise naoto and yosuke teddie is my new best friend

ted: :D

cheese: wait slow down, rise and nao are friends with akechi????????

kira: THATS WHAT IM SAYGN

rice: hahahaa noo!!

cheese: girl u are an AWFUL liar

rice: WELL IDK

rice: friends is a strong word

kira: HE BASICALLY ALMOST REFERRED TO YOU AS HIS FRIENDS

rice: HE DID???? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

yuu: Oh boy

famous gayness

5:54 PM

lover: GORO WE’RE YOUR FRIENDS???????? 😭😭😭😭😭😭

reputation: Ew. Why are you like that.

fearless: LMFAO?

1989: i was under the impression ur only friends were akira and sumire

reputation: Akira is not my friend.

1989: u call him by his first name???????

fearless: BUT SUMIRE IS UR FRIEND!!

fearless: whos sumire

1989: sumire yoshizawa! shes one of the phantom thieves 💞💞💞

midnights: Are you talking about the locally famous gymnast???

midnights: Why is Akira friends with so many famous people???

1989: are u familiar with haru okumura

midnight: Yes?

midnight: You’re kidding.

1989: nope!

1989: i think we like. gravitate yk

reputation: Are you saying wildcards attract famous people?

1989: uh

1989: maybe?

fearless: omg wait i see it!

fearless: minato and kotone know me and mitsuru and im also like 70% sure they know a guy with his own tv show

fearless: dont ask me ab it tho they wont talk ab it :(