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Tighnari was so tired, and he hated it.
It wasn’t the kind of tired he preferred. He could handle being tired, he could handle running himself to the bone for a bit too long and then laying down at the end of the day only to black out immediately. He could handle being a bit grumpy and hot and exhausted.
This was a different kind of tired, though. This was constant. He slept eight hours and then by the time he ate lunch he was tired again. If he laid down to rest, though, he’d wake up hours later. No matter what he did, his eyes hurt and he’d be up rubbing at them and his face until the buzzing, staticky feeling under his skin left him. This was bone-deep, constant exhaustion. When he had mentioned it offhandedly to Cyno, his husband had just looked at him almost sadly. Kaveh and Nilou hadn’t been much better. Somehow, Alhaitham was worse. He’d just…looked at him. Tighnari didn’t dare mention it to Collei, because she had better things to think about. The same went for Nahida. He couldn’t mention it to Candace or Dehya, because they had better things to worry about. Mentioning it to Dori would have been a disaster.
Besides, this wasn’t even something her potions or snake oil could fix. He didn’t even want to think about what she would charge him for something that wouldn’t even work. The meds the Bimarstan had given him were making him even more tired, and sometimes his chest felt tight because his heart was beating normally, and normally apparently was what he wasn’t.
Tighnari had a heart condition.
He’d thought it was normal. That it was some sort of Valuka Shuna thing, but then he passed out while out with Collei, Cyno, Kaveh, Alhaitham, and some others. He’d slammed his head into a marble floor. People were worried about him. And now…it was like he’d been shoved to the side. The Forest Watchers had forced him onto medical leave. Sure, it was temporary, but he didn’t have anything to do. They wouldn’t let him do any desk work. He was on paid medical leave, at least, but still.
Everyone was treating him like he was fragile, too. He wasn’t fragile. He wasn’t weak. He wasn’t!
But he couldn’t stand up without black spots and static swarming his vision like flies. He couldn’t sleep half the time, so he had meds for that, too. If he picked up his bow, or even just looked at his arrows, Cyno got an odd expression. The other Watchers were the same. The Rangers were too afraid to, though they obviously wanted to protest—Nasrin and Kamran had both glanced his way when they saw him walking to the archery range where they all practiced. He’d had to find a different place to practice because Asphazi and Rana tried to stop him on Shirin’s orders.
They just wanted to help. He knew they were just trying to help. But Archons, Tighnari wanted to work and move and—
And that was why he was where he was now, curled in the branches of a tree. Eyes still as sore as ever, he looked out across the tops of the trees. He’d tied himself with his belt to the tree, because if he passed out then he didn’t want anyone to know. A broken arm would definitely tell them all exactly what he’d done. Tighnari wasn’t a child, he could go outside without a chaperone!
Chin propped up on his palm, ignoring the pounding of his traitorous heart in his chest, Tighnari closed his eyes. Avidya was a sanctuary, as always. Taking naps in the trees was one way he used it. Taking shelter from everyone else was…new, at least in this way. Normally, he wasn’t hiding from literally everyone.
His heart didn’t calm down. If anything, it just sped up a little bit more, ribs tightening like Dendro vines had wrapped around them. Somewhere in the distance, a bird cried out. The wind ruffled his clothes, his hair, the fur of his ears and tail. The past couple of days had been humiliating. He’d had to go in for an echocardiogram at the Bimarstan, which was bad enough because Shirin really couldn’t have done it at Gandharva? Then there was being assigned some sort of monitor that got stuck to his chest with tacky glue or whatever that he just wanted to tear off. It was annoying, all of it made him want to rip his hair out because he learned half of the medical stuff that the Bimarstan staff spoke about when he was in his first year at the Akademiya. He was part of Amurta! He knew these things, and they were treating him like he didn’t even know his own vitals just because he hadn’t realized his heart wasn’t normal!
Burying his hands in his hair, Tighnari choked on a breath.
Collei found Tighnari about fourteen hours after he had gone missing.
It was ten hours after Cyno had asked for her help. The other Watchers weren’t available—according to Amir, some dumb Akademiya students chose to go somewhere they shouldn’t have. He’d had to take Sag, the rest of the dog team, and a good chunk of the other Watchers to go after the students. Alhaitham had had to go with them, too. Shirin was currently watching Iraj because he broke his arm. Somehow. Then, Izad had to go attend to something at Pardis Dhyai. Kamran and Nasrin had gone with the other remaining Rangers to make sure Azar and the other ex-Sages didn’t do anything dumb while Tighnari was on leave and Amir and the others were gone.
It had taken ten hours for Cyno and the others to disperse properly. They were all slow, especially because Alhaitham had only agreed to let Kaveh tag along if he stayed with Cyno. Collei had retreated within the first two minutes. It took another fifteen for her to stop hearing Kaveh’s complaints about the heat. It came from worry, sure, but that didn’t make it any less aggravating.
Besides, Collei really didn’t want Kaveh to be the one to find Tighnari.
She didn’t want Cyno to find him, either, for that matter.
As she ran through Avidya, legs burning and her skin aching where the Eleazar used to be despite there being no remnants, Collei glanced around at the trees.
He would be in the trees. Of course he would. When she still suffered from her Eleazar, every once in a while, on a good day, Tighnari would pull her along with him. He’d balance her on his back, actually. One hand would help her hold her arms around his neck, then he’d just climb them both up and they would settle in the tree. The both of them could watch the clouds, the birds, maybe the stars.
So, she wasn’t surprised when she found him at sunset, belted into the tree like a sort of safety net. Collei stopped running. She walked to the bottom of the tree. Looking up at him, she waited. He had his legs pulled to his chest, arms wrapped around his knees. If she had to guess, his chin was resting on his knee as he looked out over the trees.
“Nari.” She said. Above her, his shoulders stiffened. There was a twitch of his tail. Then, with a sigh, Collei glanced down. She glanced over the branches. Then, she started climbing.
Tighnari was still on the branch when she reached him, which was a good thing. His eyes were still on the world in front of them. Following his gaze, Collei grabbed her own belt and strapped herself in, too. Old habit, she supposed.
“You don’t need to talk,” She said after a moment, kicking her legs. The sky had gone from a pretty, azure blue to a darker, duskier color. The setting sun had turned it orange at one edge, the clouds were painted violet. It looked like those paintings Alhaitham would buy from Akademiya students who dabbled in the arts. It looked better (mostly because Alhaitham purposefully bought amateurs’ paintings to encourage them to continue and make Kaveh angry at his interior decorating choices).
Tighnari was still curled in on himself. Eyes focused on the horizon, he let out an odd, shaky breath. A yawn followed. He turned his head to the side when he did, but she saw his shoulders stiffen, anyways. His ears pinned down.
“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked.
If he weren’t wearing his gloves, Tighnari would have clawed his own skin open. His fingers dug into his clothes. Still, Collei waited. She watched.
“You are so much stronger than I am, Collei.” He started. “I’m so tired of everything. I can’t go to sleep for hours. I wake up and it’s like I haven’t slept all over again within a couple hours. It’s constant and it doesn’t go away and everyone’s treating me like I’m frail. Even Alhaitham and Cyno.” Burying his face in his hands, Tighnari curled in on himself more. Collei didn’t even think that was possible.
Reaching out, she touched his arm.
Tighnari’s gaze went to her. Taking a breath, Tighnari turned away again. “I shouldn’t be talking about this with you. Archons, I’m selfish. This isn’t Eleazar. This isn’t even something that’s that bad.”
Collei watched him. “Tighnari.” He didn’t turn to her. Then, softly, she repeated, “Tighnari. Look at me?”
He turned to her again.
She held his gaze. Yet again, silence fell over them. They stayed perched in the tree while the sun set around them. You’ve done this to help me before, she thought, still waiting. A good thirty seconds passed. A full minute. Let me help you.
Finally, Tighnari sighed. He rested his chin on his knee again, arms still wrapped around his knees. The golden-hour light turned his hair almost jet-black. His eyes looked darker than they normally did. Now that she was properly looking at him, she could see the tiredness he was talking about. “I can’t even lift my arms above my head. My heart rate goes up. I can’t walk across the room, I can’t stand up, if I lie down then I need to be more careful about how I stand or else I’m at risk of passing out. I need to drink more water. I need to take medical leave from the Watchers. I need to watch how fast I stand up. I need to have a monitor stuck to my chest so I can count my heartbeats, I need to go in and have an echocardiogram, I need to take new meds—I can’t even put away my food without worrying about it. The lower shelves of Cyno’s pantry are off-limits now because I get dizzy standing up. I can’t practice archery without someone looking at me weirdly. People have been apologizing like I’m already dead or dying. Azar even asked if I was still fit to be Chief Officer of the Forest Watchers. I went to Puspa with the others and Kaveh and Alhaitham stopped a fight because I was getting heart palpitations. I can’t—”
Squeezing his eyes shut, Tighnari paused and turned away, rubbing his chest.
“It just doesn’t stop.” He forced out. “And it hurts.”
Collei touched his shoulder again.
“Maybe Azar is right.” He sighed. Looking out at the horizon, settling down on the branch with his legs dangling beside hers, he added, “I’m not going to get better. This isn’t something that’s going to just—go away with a little bit of Dendro or whatever contraption that Fontaine or Liyue can come up with. I can’t do anything about it. Heat makes it worse. Cyno’s said it’s not a big deal, his income can handle us both, but I don’t want that. I like working with the Watchers. It’s the only thing I want to do.”
“Do you want someone to listen, or do you want some advice?” Collei asked, repeated some of his own words from…a while back. Turning to him, Tighnari blinked. He huffed out a bitter laugh.
“What advice do you have, Collei?” There was a slight tease in his voice. It was weak, though. The joke fell flatter than most of Cyno’s did.
She didn’t mention it. “I think you and Cyno need to talk. Not as the Chief Officer of the Forest Watchers, not as the General Mahamatra. You need to talk to each other as husbands, and not run away, because otherwise you’re going to keep this to yourself. I think you’ve seen enough of that with Kaveh and Alhaitham to know why that won’t work.” She turned back to him. “The way to start that, though, is by going back to Gandharva, unless you feel like running forever.”
“And have the General Mahamatra, the Acting Grand Sage, and the Light of the Kshawrewar on my tail? Not to mention Dehya, Nilou, Layla, Candace, or Lisa.” The last part was added as a bit of an aside. With a sigh, Tighnari rolled his head back and looked at the leaves above them. He took another moment to bask in the sunlight. Collei just watched him. “If I decided to run off to Inazuma and start a life hidden away as a farmer somewhere, would you stop me?”
“I’d tell Cyno every single one of your hiding places.” Snorting, he turned back to her. She smiled. “Come on, let’s go find everyone else.”
Both of them slipped from the tree branch.
(At least Collei remembered to undo her belt this time, so she wasn’t left dangling upside-down.)
Dehya wasn’t even surprised when she saw Collei emerge from the woods half-pulling Tighnari along beside her.
To his credit, the man at least had the dignity to look somewhat embarrassed. Cyno shot upright from where he had been leaning against Kaveh. As he ran towards Tighnari, Dehya noticed Kaveh wince. There was a bandage around Cyno’s lower left leg. Some gift from a Jadeplume Terrorshroom, if memory served correctly. Tighnari isn’t going to be too happy about that, she thought, crossing her arms and leaning against the closest standing thing. Which happened to be Layla. The girl slept like a horse, dozing off and somehow the steadiest thing available.
When Cyno reached Tighnari and Collei, Dehya saw Tighnari flinch back slightly. It was more of a wince. To be fair, if she had run off and disappeared like Tighnari had and then came face to face with Candace, she would be terrified, too. Her girlfriend did not do well with Dehya getting hurt. Her running off would be…something else.
Slowing down, Cyno murmured something. Dehya could just hear the tone of his voice. She couldn’t hear his words. Whatever she said, though, Tighnari let go of Collei’s hand and his shoulders relaxed. Collei slipped away to talk to Kaveh and Nilou. As for Tighnari and Cyno, they stuck close to one another. Cyno had taken Tighnari’s hands in his own. He reached up, brushed some of Tighnari’s hair from his face. Tighnari said something in reply. Neither of them bothered sticking around for long. Cyno started dragging Tighnari off towards his house.
“I’m going to start heading back to Sumeru City before Tighnari realizes I got Cyno hurt by accident.” Kaveh said, turning on his heel and hurrying off. Everyone watched him go. Then, Collei got an odd sort of smile. Dehya glanced at her.
“Hey, Collei.” The girl turned, meeting her gaze. “Want to go paintball Kaveh?”
Collei grinned.