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“Why don’t you just get one of your blood bags? I busted my ass getting those for you!” Matt complains. It’s late at night. They are standing in the doorway, just arrived home from another failed plan. Jay has been bugging Matt all day about needing to eat. “I had to pretend to be a nurse to get into the emergency wing, and that was very insulting to my manhood.” Matt is clearly annoyed, hands on his hips. Jay turns away timidly, before looking back at him with large, sympathy-seeking eyes. “Oh, Jay,” Matt says, slackjawed. “Oh, please don’t tell me you drank all of it already. Please.”
“... I was hungry,” Jay mopes. Matt blinks, sighs, and brings a hand to his face. “... Can’t you go back for more?”
“Jay, they know my face now, I CAN’T go back in there!” Matt explains with frustration. “I’ll look like a crazy person! What am I supposed to tell them, ‘Oh, hello there, yes, my friend has confessed to me that he’s a vampire and he needs your blood. Can you help me?’ Jesus, man, couldn’t you have spread it out?”
“I can’t sleep on an empty stomach!”
Matt looks at him with disbelief.
“You were the one who wanted me to go ‘vegetarian’...” Jay says.
Matt lets out an exasperated laugh and walks to the bunk bed. He leans on the top bunk with his arm, facing away from his friend. Jay is standing awkwardly in the hallway, eyes bouncing from the floor to the back of Matt’s head... to the sliver of his neck he can see through his fluffy, honey-coloured hair.
“It’ll be two minutes. And - and then we never have to do it again!” Jay says, opening his arms to make it seem more appealing. Matt’s heart is pounding in his chest. He wants to say yes, but he’s terrified of what a bite from a vampire would do to someone, even if it’s done safely. He won’t make any embarrassing noises, will he? He couldn’t let that happen, it’d make things weird for like, a month. Jay would think he was some kind of pervy weirdo. The air is thick. The silence stretches out. Their Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles clock hanging on the wall ticks... ticks... ticks every second.
“I could die, man. If we can’t get blood anywhere else, I could die,” Jay says.
Matt turns around. “Really?” he asks.
“... I get a tummy ache when I don’t eat. Which hurts really bad. And about three months after that I would probably die.”
Matt takes a deep breath in and out before asking “What does... a safe bite... entail? Because I’m quite concerned about that. Like, I’m not gonna wake up tomorrow and be your fucking... minion or something, is that it?”
“No, no, no! No, I just... take a sip,” Jay mimes ‘sipping’ a neck, “clean it up, and give you the blessing!” He gives Matt a big smile.
“You’re gonna... bless me?” Matt repeats incredulously. “Do I have to convert to Catholicism or something?”
“It’s non-denominational,” Jay says. “I think. Or maybe it has its roots in Catholicism... Or, no, maybe it’s... Pagan...” His words trail off awkwardly as he looks around the room.
Matt removes his trilby and tosses it on the bed. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Bird.” He takes off his jacket, hanging it on the bedpost as Jay does the same with his blazer. Matt tries to unbutton his shirt, but his hands are sweaty, trembling with nerves, and they keep slipping. His breath shakes. He’s fumbling for a good 15 seconds before Jay steps in.
“Look, uh, I can- I can do it for you,” Jay sputters as he steps towards Matt. “I’m sorry, I’m just... I’m starving.”
Jay ushers Matt’s hands aside and begins unbuttoning his shirt, dexterous fingers moving quickly down his chest. Matt feels his cheeks flush and turns away, praying Jay doesn’t look at him.
“God, this is- oh man. Talk about embarrassing,” Matt laughs nervously. “Can’t even take my own shirt off without help. Like a fucking... toddler. Ha...”
Jay’s hands brush against his bare skin a few times.
They have physically been this close to each other before. They’ve shared beds on road trips, they hug more often than most male friends do. Jay has even helped Matt get undressed before, back when he blinded himself overdoing it on Star Wars movies. This is different. In the warm yellow light of the living room, the atmosphere is undeniably, painfully intimate.
Jay undoes the last few buttons down at Matt’s waist, and stands back to look at him with his shirt hanging loosely from his shoulders. “Great!” he exclaims with forced enthusiasm. Matt does not feel great. He feels like he’s melting, like he’s turning into jelly. “Now,” Jay tuts as he looks around the room, “Where’s comfortable... how about the couch?”
Matt swallows thickly and manages a quiet “Sure.” He strolls over and takes a seat, trying to look nonchalant. Jay follows, undoing some of the top buttons of his own shirt.
“Now,” Jay kneels next to Matt on the couch, “let me just move this out of the way...” He pinches the collar of Matt’s shirt. “Uh, can you... lean forward?” Matt does as he’s asked and Jay brings the shirt down to drape over his forearms, his broad shoulders exposed. The thought crosses Jay’s mind, subconsciously, that Matt has grown a lot since he was a kid. Matt stares into the middle distance.
“This is funny,” Matt mutters, not laughing.
“It’s gonna feel weird,” Jay says. “But I promise it’s not as painful as you think. And a little after the bite, you’re gonna be flooded with happy chemicals, and you’re gonna forget it hurt at all. Like childbirth!” Jay beams at Matt, who looks up at him with bewilderment. “Uh... Are you ready?” All Matt can muster in response is a gentle nod.
With a reassuring smile, Jay tilts Matt back so he’s resting on the couch, and apprehensively places a finger on his neck, where he can feel his thumping pulse. “I’ll be careful,” he says quietly. He brings his other hand up to Matt’s neck and pulls the skin taut with his fingers, looking for a vein.
Matt bites his lip when he feels hot breath on his skin. ‘Don’t do anything weird, Jesus Christ, dude, don’t do anything weird,’ he thinks. Then, Jay’s sharp canines grazing the surface, feeling out the best place to sink in. Matt gasps, “Oh, that’s why you’ve got those big fangs!” He laughs. “Oh my god! I can’t believe it took me until now to-”
Without warning, Jay plunges his teeth into the soft skin of his neck, a searing pain that makes him shriek, activating his fight or flight reaction. Before Matt can push him away, Jay’s hands shoot out and grab his arms, firmly holding him in place. “Jesus- CHRIST dude- FUCK!” Matt shouts as he struggles to get free. Jay is a lot stronger than he looks.
But slowly, a new sensation emerges. It creeps up his neck and down his arms, before it floods his body, a warmth that wraps him up and puts him at ease. It feels like peace. It feels like complete connection to Jay, body and soul. Matt slows his breath, stops straining, and lets his arms go slack. Jay loosens his grip, stroking the red marks left on Matt’s arms as a wordless apology for hurting him. Matt has regained his senses. He feels Jay’s tongue pressed flat against his neck as he drinks from his neck. Jay moves his hands to a more comfortable position, one hand on Matt’s shoulder, the other on his waist.
Matt smiles at the inherent humour of the situation, that he is in many regards finally living out a long held desire... except all the action is happening on his neck rather than on his mouth. So close. Yet so ridiculously far. Jay will sooner admit to him that he’s a vampire, than admit he’s in love. Classic Birdie.
They stay like that for a while, Jay having his fill as Matt lays back and enjoys what he can from this little compromise, trying to focus not on what he wishes it was, but on what it is. It’s a miracle in itself to have the person he loves hold him for so long.
All too soon, Jay slows down, sated. Matt peeks at him through the corner of his eye and tries not to laugh as Jay licks the wound clean like a cat. He doesn’t even notice he’s being watched, in a state of bliss after the treat of fresh blood. He leans back and wipes his face with his hand, sighing contentedly. “Thanks,” he says.
‘After all that,’ Matt thinks, ‘all he can say is “thanks”. Virgin.’
“No problem,” Matt replies. He gives Jay a weary smile.
Jay smiles back at him stupidly before gasping, “Oh, the blessing! I need to bless you!” he jumps off the couch and bounces towards the bunk bed, getting down on his hands and knees to reach something underneath.
“Nice view,” Matt whispers, grinning.
Jay comes back with leather bound book Matt has never seen before. It looks like it could be hundreds of years old, passed down through many hands. Jay turns its pages with care until he finds what he’s looking for. He is about to start speaking but cuts himself off. “Oh... right. Um... I need to hold your hand. If that’s... okay?” He holds out his own.
Matt chuckles. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I’ll take that over becoming your slave.” He grasps Jay’s hand. It’s sweaty.
Jay clears his throat. He reads,
“I wield my status as Vampire to ask of the Moon,
That she take pity on me in my time of need.
Answer my call:
Obstruct this soul from desire and calm its hunger,
And be undone the bond with which we are held together.”
There is no flash of light, or earthquake, or thunderclap in the sky, but as soon as the last word is spoken, Matt’s blissful feeling of connection to Jay evaporates. Already he aches to have it back, wanting it more than anything else in the world. Jay abruptly lets go of Matt’s hand and slams the book shut, jolting Matt out of his misery. “Well then... that’s that!” Jay says with relief, putting the book aside. “God, I feel great. Like I could run from here to Montréal!” He lays down on the couch next to Matt. “And we never have to do it again.” They stay there for a minute, listening to each other breathe. There is no traffic outside tonight, like everyone is asleep but them.
“Well... I still can’t go back to the hospital,” Matt reminds him, twiddling his thumbs.
“Oh. Right.”
“Unless you know some other place one can acquire human blood quickly and easily. And maybe without unlawfully impersonating medical staff.”
“... I guess not.”
Matt considers whether or not he can get away with saying what he wants to say next, before realising he is too desperate to care. “I don’t mind doing this every now and then.”
Tick... tick... tick goes the clock.
“Really?” Jay says, turning to Matt.
“Yeah. Yeah, You’re my best friend, I don’t fucking care. You could eat my arm off and I wouldn’t give a shit,” Matt jokes. Jay smiles and looks back at the ceiling.
“You’re the best best friend a guy could have. You know that?”
Matt feels the bite marks on his neck with his index finger. A stinging lipstick stain. It’s the closest thing Matt thinks he will get to a kiss. The closest Jay will ever get to being honest with himself. But as long as Matt gets to have that moment with him every now and then, that moment when they melt into each other and their veins pulse in time...
He’s happy.