Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jax was an awful villain.

Maybe he wasn’t a villain, at least not anymore. He was supposed to be a henchman type to some town’s evil mayor. His reasoning wasn’t even good- His parents died, so now he’s evil? Talk about cheap.

…

Well, it all made sense before he found out he wasn’t real.

He listened as the “players”, as they called themselves, talked about their “adventure”.

“So, all we have to do is negotiate with the Mayor?” The ribbon looking thing said.

“Not quite,” Some wooden character in a red robe corrected. “Sometimes, NPCs can’t be negotiated with. Being awful could just be in their code.”

“But it won’t hurt to try.” The doll-like one interjected. “Come on Gangle, we’ll be able to find him at the edge of town.”

They left, and Jax followed.

He was supposed to be on the job right about now, right? He felt like he should be protecting the mayor, or disturbing townsfolk, or…anything but thinking about this.

He was an NPC. He wasn’t real.

That wasn’t fair at all. He’d lived a life, hadn’t he? He remembered the parents that were taken from him. Kinda. He at least remembered being taken in by the mayor.

Right. The mayor he needed to protect.

The town hall cresting the forest was simple and large, with white stone and wooden doors that were unreasonable in height. Jax simply watched as the group of players entered.

He watched from the windows as they “negotiated” with the mayor. Jax rolled his eyes, knowing full well his boss wasn’t the type to just give in.

…Maybe that was just part of his code…

Within a heartbeat more henchmen arrived, circling the group. Jax’s smile widened as he saw his group take the upperhand…for a full ten seconds. The players seemed to win easily, as if the henchmen were…nothing.

Watching them get beaten up, Jax felt a sickening feeling overtake him. Heck, they even brought the infamous mayor to his knees, promising to be better.

It only got worse when the group left the hall, awful smiles on their faces as a portal of some kind opened up outside.

Jax didn’t know what lay on the other side, but he was darn sure he didn’t want to be nothing.

He slipped through, and immediately ducked for cover behind one of the various…shapes?

“Well how are my little scrumptious succulents?” Yelled a booming voice out of seemingly nowhere. Jax tensed as a suit with teeth appeared hovering in the sky.

“Good, thank you.” The purple-robed wooden figure answered.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that! I think you goobers deserve congratulations! How about-” The eyes and teeth paused. Its mismatched eyes stared at the spot Jax was hiding in.

Well dang.

He stood up, keeping a smile on his face. “Looks like you’ve found me,”

“A new character!” The red-robed figure exclaimed.

“A what?” Jax muttered, though the teeth with a top hat interrupted him.

“It seems a new human has entered the circus! You must be very confused.”

“Sure.” Jax looked at the players, and found them all having an odd look on their faces.

“He doesn’t seem at all frightened.” The pathetic looking clown pointed out. “Caine, are you sure-”

“Welcome to the Amazing Digital Circus, friend!” The teeth- Caine? -interjected. “What’s your name?”

“Jax?” He offered.

“It’s understandable that you don’t remember-” Caine paused. “...Come again?”

Shiznit. “Um…I made up a name already? I’ve always wanted to be…called…Jax.” His smile faltered, but he tried to remain confident regardless.

“...Alright then! Jax it is! You missed today’s adventure, but maybe one of your lovely circus mates could show you around?”

Jax stared at the “lovely circus mates”. The ones that he’d just seen beat up “NPCs” like him.

He smiled. “Happy to meet you all.”

///

Ragatha, the licorice-haired one, showed him around. Jax tried to take in as much information as he could.

So the players came from a place called Earth. They lost all their memories getting here, though. Lucky him. That wouldn’t be too hard to fake.

What he was worried about was his room. And the fact that he didn’t have one.

He’d managed to ward Ragatha off for the meanwhile by shoving paint on her dress- She was more confused than angry, surprisingly. All he had to do now was choose a random unused room and paint out a sign.

…

He wasn’t all that great at painting, but with all the materials scattered around randomly, it wasn’t that hard to come up with something resembling the other signs.

He put the sign up, and entered the room, only to find it…blank. Scarily blank. There wasn’t anything but gray skies and no walls or floor or-

He took a deep breath, and walked back outside, deciding to just…never go in there again.

When Ragatha returned, he showed her the door and its sign, and she seemed satisfied.

///

By the end of the day Caine set up a feast for everyone doing “such a great job” on the adventures. Jax was starting to hate the overexcited dentures, more than he hated the other players at least.

Ragatha was nice, but annoying. Gangle was scared all the time, though the others said that was because she’s new. Kinger was annoying, his wife was annoying, Kaufmo was pathetic. If given the chance, Jax bet he could beat all of them in a-

…He remembered the fight they had with the mayor. Alright, note to self: Don’t get on the player’s bad sides. Yet.

They entered the main room, and seeing the food on the table Jax was reminded of how hungry he was. He hadn’t eaten all day, too busy messing with people and stalking these strangers. He took a seat at the table, and watched the players for a moment.

They hardly seemed to eat, as if the act of eating sickened them more than anything. Gangle herself just stared at her plate.

“You don’t have to eat if you don’t want to.” Ragatha reassured. “We don’t need to eat here. Or sleep, drink, breath…none of that. …Though it’s still nice to do sometimes.”

…

So, from what Jax was getting, the players were indestructible immortal maniacs.

Great. Just great.

Jax put his attention back to his food, and ate an acceptable portion of it. He decided that if he wanted any more he could just get some while everyone else was asleep.

///

By the end of the day, everyone was so…nice to him. They sounded worried about how he was coping with the new environment.

Jax wasn’t sure how he was doing so well either. Sure, he wasn’t necessarily in a whole new world, but it might as well have been.

Everyone went off to their rooms. Jax opened his door briefly, only to be reminded of the sickeningly clear skies. Right. No way he was sleeping there.

He found a comfortable looking corner of the main room, and tried to get some sleep.

Instead, he found his eyes getting wet. He berated himself, knowing he didn’t have anything to miss.

This was just his life now.

Chapter Text

Adventures are awful.

That was the thought that filled Jax’s head the most. During adventures the players seemed so set on helping people, when they could just take things. It was so frustrating.

And they were always so rude about it too.

“You can’t just leave with whatever you want.” Ragatha reprimanded him for the hundredth time. “Put it back.”

“What? Why?” He held the trophy closer to him. Sure, he hadn’t won it, but he had been near the racer that won it, so it was almost his by association. “It’s not like they’re gonna miss it.”

Because you don’t think they’re real anyway.

“It’s just wrong.” Ragatha sighed. “Caine, can’t you try to explain this? Aren’t we supposed to be, like, at least decent morally on our adventures?”

“Right you are my dunkaroo!” Caine said out of nowhere. Goodness Jax hated that. “I think a small punishment is in order for not behaving.”

Jax rolled his eyes. “What are you gonna do? Not let me go on your stupid adventures?”

“Nope! I’m removing your food privileges!”

Jax’s face darkened. “What.”

“That’s right you rabbit rascal! No more indulging in the thing that reminds you of your past life on Earth. That sounds fair.”

He was starting to panic. “W-wait, I’ll do better, I-” Before he could finish, Caine was already gone.

…

Oh no. He was already just barely eating anything because of how weird the players were with food- Now this??

Ragatha shrugged. “That’s what you get for being mean.”

///

Jax was not doing well.

He thought the punishment would only go on for a day, but it seemed both Caine and the world around him often forgot when days passed.

He was so…hungry. And tired. And, more than anything, frustrated. Heck, he was even considering just telling someone he wasn’t a player so that they might help him.

No one seemed to notice his change in appearance, though his change in attitude didn’t go unseen.

“You really miss eating, huh?” Kinger said, in an attempt at a comforting manner. “I’ve never seen anyone get punished like this before, at least from what I remember. Do you think talking about food would help? There was this dish from my youth I vaguely remember, a kind of steak-”

“If you don’t shut the heck up, I’ll-” His mind went blank for a moment “ruin your weird pillow fort.”

“Well don’t do that.” He sounded almost concerned. “Then Caine might extend your punishment.”

…

Jax tried not to let his horror show.

///

“You really should participate more.”

“Eh.” Jax muttered, trying to stay awake while he stared unhelpfully at the puzzle before him. It was something about matching blocks? To be honest, he’d stopped paying attention hours ago.

“It’s good to stay active and, well, sane using these adventures.” Ragatha continued.

“Don’t worry about me dolly, I’m not going insane anytime soon.” Even as he said that he was starting to slur the words.

If Ragatha thought that was due to a deteriorating mental state, that was fine by him.

“I think we’ve done it!” Queenie announced, before dissolving the blocks ahead of them. The others cheered. Jax covered his ears from the noise.

“I’m so proud of you honey!” The other wooden sap said, before grabbing Jax’s arm and pulling him along the road.

Jax focused on not tripping over his feet. Goodness, he was light headed…

///

After four day and night cycles- Not quite days, he was certain it had been longer -Caine finally allowed him to take part in the feasts again.

“As long as you promise to be good to the NPCs. I worked hard on them, you know.”

Jax nodded ecstatically, too desperate to even think more about how Caine created him.

He shoved Gangle on the way to the table- Caine said be nice to NPCs, not losers -and proceeded to eat as much as he could, and stuff more in his pockets. The others seemed only a little put off.

Jax didn’t care. He was just happy he’d survived this long. That Caine guy was a real psycho.

Once the feast was over, Jax returned to his little corner of the circus to stash away his rations. He’s formed a fort not unlike the one Kinger and his wife had, though his was more tucked away and sturdy, like a little burrow.

He made sure to remember to hide away some food whenever he could, just for if/when he got on Caine’s bad side again.

///

Food didn’t spoil, he’d found. That was…alright. Suspicious. Jax wondered for a moment why Caine didn’t just provide for  all the worlds. But then he remembered Caine was an omnipotent maniac. And “all the worlds” were just settings for his characters.

…

Jax wondered if he would think differently if he was a player.

Things would definitely be easier…

Chapter Text

“What was your home like?”

It seemed the players would ask each other that every couple minutes. They hardly remembered anything, but they kept trying in some futile effort to connect.

Jax, on the other hand, refused to connect. He also refused to reveal where he was from, or what his family was like. Sure, explaining it as the memory loss would be easier, but it would also be way too convenient.

Kaufmo was still suspicious of him. But maybe the guy was just paranoid. Either way, Jax avoided questions.

But that didn’t stop him from listening to the others' answers.

“Well, my life was pretty bad back on Earth.” Ragatha explained to the others in the main room. “I don’t remember exactly why, but I think it helped me feel more comfortable here. I don’t have as much of a longing to go back.”

“I liked my life though, I think...” Gangle said with a tearful mask.

“What about you, Jax?” Kaufmo asked suspiciously. “Do you miss your old life?”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.” Jax replied with a smile.

Ragatha sighed. “Being mysterious isn’t cool, Jax. Can you tell us anything ?”

“...Well, it sure wasn’t better than tormenting you all.” He chuckled. “I’ll catch you suckers later, but by all means be homesick without me.”

…

In his burrow, he drew pictures of what he thought the henchmen looked like.

He didn’t miss them, per se. They barely had names in his mind. But…they were still there, a part of his past.

He had to remind himself that things were better now.

///

“Okay, better question: What were your careers?”

“Something with bugs, I’d assume.” Queenie answered Kaufmo’s question.

“It’s all too blurry right now.” Ragatha said with a sigh. “Jax…?”

…

“...I think I remember working for someone.” He said quietly.

“Wait, really? Jax, that’s great! You’re finally getting some memories back- Do you know who you worked for?”

“...Ur mom.”

“Jax!”

///

“So, what’s the deal with you and food?”

Jax frowned, looking around at the pit he and Kaufmo had gotten stuck in. “I just like it?” He answered dismissively.

“Yeah, but I’ve seen you…take it away with you? After the feasts? Look, I don’t want to judge you, since this is probably something about your past life…”

“Sure.” Right. Heartfelt reason. “Um…I didn’t get a lot of food when I was…human. …So I just like to keep some with me.”

…

Nailed it.

“Oh, that’s awful.” Kaufmo said sympathetically. “I’m so glad you’re with us now.”

“Y-yeah. Me too…”

///

One night, on the way back to their rooms, Ragatha confronted him.

“Look, Kaufmo told me about how rough your past life was.”

Oh great. “Did he now?”

“I just wanted to apologize for…not being the nicest to you.”

Huh. “Well, thank you Rags.” He stopped at his door.

She stood beside him.

“...Are you going inside, or…?”

“...Yes. I just. Forgot something in the main room.” He said awkwardly. No way She’d believe the void in there was his.

He darted off to the far side of the circus, and waited till the coast was clear to go to his burrow.

///

“Do you guys remember your parents?” Gangle asked at the feast the next day.

Jax rolled his eyes. Again with the questions. It felt like half the player’s lives were spent interrogating each other, and the other half was stuffed with adventures.

“Yeah, a bit.” Kaufmo answered. “Goodness, I miss them. …What about you , Jax?” Seriously? “Um…my parents are dead.” That was at least accurate.

“Oh.”

“How old were you when they died?” Gangle continued.

“Um…young?” Did Caine even give him a date? Wow, he really was quickly made… “It doesn’t matter now, though.”

“Of course it does.” Kinger spoke up. “We need these memories to connect us to who we are. That’s why we’re always trying to remember.”

Jax rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

He didn’t need anything to connect him to who he was. He’d always remember, unlike the players.

“Did you steal as a human too?” Kaufmo asked, with a hint of aggression.

“So what if I did?” Jax’s smile returned, even brighter. “No one can stop me now.”

“You won’t be so cheery when Caine punishes you again.” He commented, before returning to nibbling at his food.

Yeah right. He’d gotten better at sneaking things past Caine.

///

It was morning, yet none of the players seemed to be around the circus. Maybe they’d gone on an adventure without him?

That was fine. It gave him more time to explore the place. There were so many random passageways and tunnels that led to more wacky and abstract places. The randomness was kind of annoying at times, though at least it made exploring exciting.

///

By the end of the day, Jax was getting worried. Had they forgotten about him? Or worse, had they realized he was an NPC and decided to abandon him altogether?

He sat in his burrow, and tried to rationalize the situation.

But instead of being logical his mind kept going back to how he was abandoned yet again. Those circus lovers really were jerks-

“Can I come in?”

…That was Kinger’s voice. How the heck did he find his fort?

“…Sure?”

Kinger crawled inside, and looked around with his ridiculous eyes. “This place looks nice.”

“What do you want?”

“Caine noticed that you haven’t been having the best time, so we decided to go on a special adventure, just for you.”

He pulled out a small cake with purple icing.

“We all helped bake it. I hope it makes you feel better.”

…

Jax eyed it suspiciously, before taking it slowly.

“…Why are you guys so nice to me?”

“Well, we have to help each other out,” Oh. “as the only humans here.” Oh .

Jax frowned. Well the gesture was ruined now.

“…You don’t have to be nice to me. We’re stuck together, that’s it. Don’t try to turn this into a friendship.”

“Alright.” Kinger said calmly.

He left, and Jax stared down at the cake with a frown.

Scrawled across it in messy icing were the words “Remember you’re real”.

Chapter Text

“How long have we even been here?” Jax asked Kinger. He was leaning against the jail cell, frowning at the stone walls around them.

“I don’t know. A couple hours?” Kinger sighed. “I hope Queenie’s okay. At least we’ve all gotten better at escape rooms.”

“Right.” Jax wasn’t exactly sure why an “escape room” would be on Earth, but maybe puzzles were just a common thing there.

He yawned, and tried to look out the barred window on the other side of the cell. The moon was almost too high to see, its moonlight illuminating the cell that was supposed to be full of clues. This adventure had definitely started too late.

“You know, we’d get out of here faster if you helped.” Kinger offered.

“‘Helpful’ doesn’t exactly fit me though, does it?” He sighed. “I’m sure Caine will get us eventually if we do nothing.”

“Oh, no. Sometimes we spend days on adventures. It’s best to just get done with them at a reasonable pace.”

…Well that was unsettling. Still, Jax wouldn’t break his personal values of being self-centered.

…

Another couple hours passed, before he finally gave in.

“Look, you’ve checked every stone in these walls. Let’s just try something else.” He stumbled to the cell window, and reached his hand out. He felt sharp grass blades outside, though there was something cool and metal among them. He grabbed it, and pulled his arm back.

It was a lockpick. He smiled. “There. Now we have our ticket out of here.”

“A hairpin?” Kinger looked incredulous. “Do you know how to pick locks?”

“Of course.” Jax went over to the bars, and began picking at it. He unlocked it in less than a minute. A new record, fueled by tired determination. “Your welcome, your highness.”

“Thanks Jax. That was surprisingly nice of you.”

Jax frowned, but he decided to let the insult slide.

Once they reached the outside, they found the stone hallways bright with red lasers beaming from the walls.

“What are those? What time period is this supposed to be??”

Kinger shrugged. “Caine likes to mix things up sometimes.”

“More like he’s just lazy with writing.” He made his way between the lasers.

Kinger followed. “He’s not that lazy. I think he’s pretty good at making realistic NPCs.”

Jax frowned, but didn’t make a comment. Now insulting his…his creator felt wrong. All of this felt wrong.

Once they got out of the lasers, they found a door with a banner saying “congratulations! It’s  an ESCAPE” hung above it.

Jax tried to open the door, but found it locked.

“We still have to wait for the other two groups.” Kinger explained.

“There were, like, three puzzles at most.”

“We had an easy one, since you’re new. And besides, if you get hit by a laser you have to go through a whole underground tunnel system. They probably won’t be back for a while.”

“Alright then.” Jax leaned against the wall, then later down. “I guess I can just get some early rest then.”

“Why? Don’t you want to see them arrive?”

“No. Besides, I’m t-“ He caught himself. “T-too nostalgic for the act of sleeping.”

“Heh. You’re a weird one, Jax.”

“Same to you old man.”

///

“He hasn’t woken up yet?”

“No, he’s just been like that. I’m starting to think he’s not okay…”

Jax tried to ignore the voices around him, but eventually gave up and opened his tired eyes.

He was met with the players staring down on him.

For a brief moment he thought he’d been captured. He scrambled to his feet, trying to look more awake than he was.

“Oh great, you’re fine.” Kinger sighed. “I thought you’d broken your model or something.”

“That can happen?” Gangle asked quietly, though no one answered.

“Jeez, I’m fine.” He assured. “I was just taking a break. Is that not allowed anymore?”

“You were unresponsive for hours, Jax.” Kinger explained.

…

Well.

“I guess I’m just really good at sleeping. You guys should get good.”

They just stared.

…

“Well, if you all aren’t going back to the circus, I will.”

He confidently walked through the door to the main circus area, trying to hide his ever present worry.

///

That night Jax couldn’t sleep. His ears kept picking up whispers coming from the room hall. Eventually he couldn’t take it anymore, and frustratingly stumbled out of his burrow and towards the voices.

“I’m telling you, he’s not like us.” Kaufmo’s voice rang softly. “There’s something off about him.”

“Well we can’t just confront him.” Queenie sighed. “I think Caine needs to get involved-“

With that, Jax entered the hall. “Am I interrupting something?”

“What were you doing out there?” Kaufman asked.

Jax glared at him, but then his eyes wandered to his door. It was open, the disgustingly blank room in full view.

Darn it.

“Before you make any assumptions, let me explain myself,” As he spoke he took a step away, trying to think of a place in the circus he could hide in-

“It’s okay, Jax.” Kinger’s tone stayed even. “We know.”

Shiznet.

“We know you’re not well.” Kinger continued.

Jax frowned. “What?”

“You try to sleep for hours on purpose, you break at just losing an unnecessary memory of your past life,”

“Hell, your room is empty!” Ragatha interjected. “You…your old life must have been really bad if the circus can’t even form a comforting place.”

…

Jax stared at them all for a moment.

“…Right.” He agreed with a short nod. “You’ve caught me. I’m secretly depressed. Let’s never bring this up to Caine, though, because…” He fished for a quick excuse . “…By trying to help me, he’d only make it worse.”

“I understand that.” Kaufmo took a step closer, and held out his hand. “Just remember: We’re here for you.”

You wouldn’t be if you knew who I really am .

Jax took his hand regardless, comforted by the small fantasy that he belonged.

Chapter Text

“Gooood morning my freaky ferrets!”

“Oof don’t say that.” Jax mumbled under his breath, though a true smile rested on his face.

He’d been at the circus for weeks now, and was starting to finally feel…safe? Accepted? As close as a liar like him could get.

Caine paused. “Um. Where’s Queenie?”

“She’s in our fort.” Kinger answered sadly. “She hasn’t been feeling the best. Something about ‘too many thoughts’.”

“Aw, that’s too bad, because today I have an extra special adventure planned!”

“Doesn’t he say that every adventure?” Gangle muttered. Ragatha shrugged in response.

“Today you’ll be going back to Goldenfields Town!”

Jax froze.

“That’s right,” Caine continued, “you’ll return there to put a stop to that evil mayor once and for all!”

Oh goodness.

“Murder? Really?” Ragatha said with a frown.

“It’s justified murder.” Kinger pointed out. “I’m on board for that.”

“Um,” Gangle mumbled nervously, “Jax, w-what do you think?”

I think I’m fricken done for.

“I might skip out on this adventure,” He said instead. “Violence really isn’t my thing.”

There was a moment of silence before everyone burst into laughter.

“Yeah right!” Ragatha exclaimed. “Come on, let’s get to it.”

She pushed him into the portal.

And then he was back home.

Not home. It didn’t feel like home, at least. Like a place you’d been to before, but didn’t care for.

He did not care for this adventure.

“We should head straight for the town hall.” Ragatha suggested. “He’ll probably be cowering there with all his henchmen.”

Henchmen. Like he was.

“U-um, wait, Rags- Aren’t we supposed to be morally just towards NPCs?” He offered.

Ragatha stared at him unenthusiastically, before her expression softened. “Oh. Are you scared of being punished again? Don’t worry, Caine said we can kill him.”

…Well he couldn’t argue with that.

He avoided looking at any of the townspeople, fearing they’d remember him. He’d have liked to snatch a disguise of sorts, but then the others would just get more suspicious. In their eyes, he’d never been here before.

He almost sighed in relief once they reached the town's edge. Now all they had to do was stab his former boss and semi-father figure. Easy.

He just had to not talk to him. Or look him in the eyes. Or think about it too much- Which, too late, he was already doing-

He dragged his steps as he entered the hall. The henchmen didn’t move, obviously afraid of the players before them. Some still had scars from the last encounter.

Maybe they thought Jax had just defected. That wasn’t too hard to believe. Of course he’d trade his loyalty to the mayor for some stronger group.

It just made sense.

Once they reached his office, Jax held his breath.

“Well well well, it seems you’ve returned. What do you want now? You’ve taken my pride, and my-“ The white rabbit’s ears twitched, and his eyes met Jax’s.

Frick.

“What…what are you doing here-“

“Listen up mayor.” Ragatha’s voice was harsh, though it sounded more like eagerness than anger. “Your evil reign over this town has gone on long enough. Prepare to die.”

The mayor’s eyes went from Jax to the players, then back to him.

Then his face softened.

“I’ll abdicate my role, if you leave this town in peace. You’ll never hear from me again. I just…I feel some in your party don’t need to see blood just yet.”

Jax’s heart sank. This man was trying to protect himself, of course, but he was also looking out for him .

“Nice try,” Kinger chuckled. “But we’ve all seen our fair share of blood. Gangle, get the chainsaw.”

“Yes sir!” Gangle fumbled for the chainsaw in their bag, already painted a violent crimson.

“Nonono, wait-“ Jax tried to block their path, though he was too late.

The mayor gagged in agony for a moment, his form split, before going limp in his office chair.

…

Jax felt sick. Beyond sick. Whatever layer of heck Earth was, those players needed to be dragged back there.

“Nice job Gangle!” Ragatha cheered. “Your first kill. That’s a moment to remember.”

It certainly was.

///

Jax returned to the circus feeling absolutely empty inside.

He went straight for burrow, not caring to see what congratulations Caine had for that…that death.

The mayor wasn’t even real to them.

…

Jax curled up in his blankets and cried . He took out whatever paper he had left that wasn’t covered with scribbles of old- not real - friends, and tried to draw his boss as happy as possible because good heck-

…

He was so tired.

…

Eventually, someone knocked on the burrow’s entrance.

Ragatha popped her head in before he could answer. She had a tearful face that rivaled his own.

“Did-“ She paused when she saw his expression. “…So you already know what happened.”

“Just say it.”

“Queenie abstracted.”

…Kinger’s wife?

…

…

After a moment of thought, Jax decided that he didn’t care.

If they weren’t going to care about the mayor’s death, than he would be heartless towards Queenie’s.

He got up, rubbed his eyes, and said something his tongue wouldn’t have dared to voice before.

“She deserved it.”

Ragatha stared at him in shock for a moment, before speaking, her words a tearful son. “Jax, what ??”

“She deserved it.” Jax got to his feet. “She was a selfish, stupid, psychopathic freak , just like the rest of you.” Anger filled his veins more than blood, boiling his mind. “I’m fricken glad she’s dead!”

Ragatha was stunned into silence for a moment.

When she spoke, her voice was hushed. “…You really are just a bully, aren’t you?”

Jax’s expression stayed cold, though a cruel smile edged its way through his teeth.

“Does that surprise you, doll face?”

She sighed, though it sounded more like a growl. “Kinger’s going to hear about this.”

Then she left.

And for a moment, Jax was happy she was gone.

At least now he could call himself an awful villain in peace.

Chapter Text

…

Jax didn’t go to Queenie’s funeral. He didn’t go anywhere, really. He just stayed in his burrow, surviving off his rations.

…

Eventually Caine called them for an adventure. A slow one, that wouldn’t put too much stress on their grieving hearts. Something about collecting flowers.

All Jax knew was that he was in a field of flowers covering every color of sunset with Kinger, a good walk away from the others.

…

Jax didn’t know what to say. Though, by the look on Kinger’s face, he’d have to be the first to talk.

“...I’m sorry about your wife.”

“...Thanks Jax. …Ragatha said you-” He hesitated. “Oh, never mind.”

…

“Look, Kinger, there’s…there’s something I think I need to tell you.”

“Are you only going to tell me because you know I won’t remember?”

… “No.” Jax said decidedly. “I’m telling you because you’ve been my closest friend here. I…I’m not like you.”

Kinger stopped walking, the deep red flowers in his hands dropping petals. “What does that mean?”

“I’m what you’ve been calling an NPC.” He said the word with distaste. It was a reminder that he just wasn’t as real as the others. “I just want to know if you’ll forgive me for lying to you all. I…I’ve been a jerk. Maybe I’ll always be one. Maybe it’s just the way I was written. But I don’t want to lie anymore.”

“...Jax. I…” Kinger looked down. “How did I not realize? …I always felt like you were more alive than any of us. Thank you for telling me. I…” He paused, squinting. “Ugh, my head’s getting fuzzy again. Maybe you can continue what you were saying later?”

Jax sighed. “...Yeah. Later.”

He knew he’d never bring it up again.

///

Jax and Kinger met back up with the others later, piles of flowers in hand. The others didn’t even look at him.

He deserved that, though. He was an outsider.

He gave the flowers to the strange tree NPC Caine had said needed them. Pulling his hand away, though, he realized it was covered in small scratches. He hadn’t even noticed them.

He remembered having to deal with wounds before, though the memory was so blurry it must have been fabricated. He knew he’d been injured, and that he’d dealt with the injury, though he had no medical knowledge to be found.

Wow. How useful.

He clenched his hand, wincing a bit at the pain. He’d deal with it when he got back to the circus.

///

He, in fact, was awful at “dealing with it”.

The circus didn’t have bandages or disinfectant or anything of the sort. He had a feeling he could make a bandage from tearing off some fabric if the fabric wasn’t attached to their models.

It was so stupid, and useless, and goodness he felt like crying again.

…

No one would want to help him, of course. If the players even got injured, they probably wouldn’t care about his injury. They’d probably say it was just karma for how awful he’d been- And maybe they were right.

Curled up in his blankets, clutching his now scabbed hand, Jax wondered if anything mattered. The players didn’t care about NPCs. The NPCs were only programmed to care about each other. So, in this colorful and twisted world, no one cared about him.

No one had ever cared.

///

Jax got out of bed groggily, and scratched at his hand. The wound was hardly visible under his thin fur. He probably wouldn’t have to hide it much.

He got up, then stumbled, nearly falling over. He felt so dizzy, and his head was swimming. He…he really wasn’t doing okay, was he?

…

It wasn’t like anyone cared, though. Least of all himself.

He stumbled towards the main circus, and saw Caine talking to Bubble about something. There was no way in heck he was going near them in his current state. He leaned against the wall as he made his way to the room hall.

No one else was awake yet. Weird. He could have sworn he’d seen the glare of sunlight clouding his vision…

…

Goodness, he felt sick.

He sat down on the hallway floor, and tried to breathe. Each breath felt harder to grasp than the last. Why did he need to breathe? Why-

Drops of black fell into his vision, before the swirls drowned him in suffocating darkness.

///

He woke up in a room of blue and yellow triangles, rectangles of dark colors he assumed were pictures blotching the walls.

He’d never been here before.

There was a pale face before him, and his heart skipped a beat.

“Mayor?” The word came out as a mess. His voice was all scratchy and drowsy.

“Who?” The voice didn’t sound like the mayor. “Jax, you…you’re not looking so good.”

“Mhm…” He recognized that face. A sad clown. Pathetic, even.

I’m an awful villain.

This…this was one of his enemies, right? He needed to protect the mayor.

The clown put a hand on Jax’s forehead, then frowned. “You’re heating up. Is your model broken or something? I wonder if Caine can fix this…”

Jax frowned, then decided to bite his opponent. Not his best move, but he had teeth for a reason.

“Ack! What the- Jax!”

Jax let go, opting to hold him down by the shoulders. “Who are you? Where’s my boss?? Give me answers, or-” stealing. “Or I’ll take your dumb hat!”

“What are you going on about??”

Jax tried to answer, but gagged instead between panting breaths. “W-what did you do to me?”

“What did I do? I’m trying to help you!”

The room’s door swung open, and a red headed someone ran inside. “What the hell?! Jax, you’re such a [D!(%] !” She shoved him off of the clown, an angry look on her face.

That was fine. Jax dealt with angry people all the time.

He stood, then wobbled, falling back to the floor. Goodness, his head . “W-where is…where…” He gagged again, before throwing up a heap of inky bile.

Well this wasn’t supposed to happen-

He hit the floor with a thud.

///

Jax woke up feeling…a bit better. He wasn’t on the floor anymore, now instead…tied to a bed?

“I think he’s awake now.” That was a voice he recognized. Kinger. “Jax? How are you feeling?”

“How do you think I’m feeling?” He squirmed against the ropes keeping him down, though that only seemed to wear him out more. “Can you let me out? I have…I have enemies to get rid of. Stuff to do. Help please.”

“Sorry Jax, you’re stuck here till you’re actually better.” Kinger sighed. “Thank goodness Kaufmo saved some medicine from that hospital adventure. You should be better in a couple days.”

“What’s a Kaufmo?” Jax turned his head, to see the pale creature who pretended to be his mayor in the corner. He hissed.

“None of that.” Another voice, the licorice-haired opponent. “Gosh, you really are out of it. Serves you right.”

“Now Ragatha, don’t be too harsh.” Kinger reprimanded. “He’s obviously…confused.”

“Heck yes I’m confused. Kinger, why are there those people here?”

Kinger blinked. “Those what now?”

“ Players .”

The others looked at each other.

“...Jax” The red-head said, eyes wide. “You are a player, right?”

“Players don’t get sick.” The pathetic clown commented, his face shifting with realization.

Jax smiled, though he wasn’t exactly sure why. “That’s right suckers. I’m a henchman. And now that I’m in your base, I’m gonna-” His words were interrupted by a bout of coughing.

After that the room fell silent.

“You’re an NPC.” The doll one muttered. “You’re an NPC, and have been this whole time. You’re from that- that one place. The one with the evil mayor?”

“He wasn’t evil!” Jax spat. “He was a perfectly good person, and you killed him!” There were tears in his eyes now, though he barely felt them against his already burning skin.

“...We killed him.” The clown said. “With a chainsaw. Goodness, Ragatha, are we the baddies?”

“I don’t know!” Ragatha- Wait, Ragatha? -yelled. “But Jax clearly isn’t okay.”

There was more yelling. The words started to mix together as Jax fought against his fatigue to stay conscious.

Eventually he lost the fight. Strange, to lose a fight against himself.

///

By the time he regained consciousness, the fights had dulled down.

The room actually felt too silent. The silence made Jax realize he was in the circus, surrounded by his circus mates, one of whom he had tried to attack.

Hmm. Not the best look.

“...Sorry.” He managed, his throat scratchy.

Kaufmo’s eyes went back to him. “What was that?”

Ragatha and Kinger turned to him too. Great, now he had to apologize for deliriously biting someone in front of them.

“I’m sorry for biting you. That wasn’t very morally just of me.”

Kaufmo didn’t look very happy, though at least he wasn’t mad. “Thanks. We’re sorry for not realizing you’re an NPC sooner.”

Jaz froze, though the tensing of his shoulders made them ache. “You know that??”

“Yeah.” Ragatha answered. “We’re also sorry for, um…killing the mayor. He was important to you, right?”

The ache turned to a sickening feeling, that somehow hurt more than his actual sickness. “Y-yeah. …I understand that I should leave the circus now-”

“What? Goodness no.” Kinger interjected. “We want you to stay here. We can hide you from Caine, and-”

“But I’m an NPC.” Jax’s voice turned hollow. “I’m nobody and nothing. I was literally created for your entertainment- I’m not even a good person either! I’m awful by design.”

“I don’t believe that.” Kinger objected.

“Neither do I.” Ragatha added. “You’re just like all of us. You were created, and you have memories, and even if your code gives you bad tendencies, you’re not a bad person. ”

You’re not a bad person.

That was an awfully hopeful statement. Then again, blind belief was part of his backstory.

“...Does this mean you’ll untie me?”

“Oh, no, definitely not.” Kaufmo answered. “I’m not taking any risks.”

“Eh, worth a shot.” Jax grinned despite himself.

Maybe he did belong somewhere.

///

Life at the circus changed quickly.

For starters, the Jax started avoiding Caine even more, just to be safe. Thankfully the all-powerful AI seemed to think he was just “off being a little scamp”.

The others let him take things from adventures on rare occasions, like new blankets and medicine. He was even able to snatch some paper and crayons, which he used to draw Kinger a sketch of his wife.

His circus mates also didn’t kill NPCs anymore. Jax kept telling them they could if they wanted to, since he wasn’t completely opposed to murder, but they said it was part of their new and improved morals.

Jax went along with them, not because he agreed or anything. Just to not upset anyone.

One of the most constant changes, though, was the group keeping him in check. They didn’t exactly stop him from being a bit of an A-hat, but they discouraged him from most of his harmful behaviors.

A part of him was annoyed each time they told him not to steal from children and kidnap people for ransom, but he knew- or maybe just hoped -that eventually he’d be able to keep himself on the right path.

Maybe he was a jerk, but that didn’t mean he’d stay that way.