Chapter Text
Nick had never seen the physical damage.
He knew that it was there, it would have been impossible for him not to know after Charlie had explained all of it, but until he found himself answering his phone before he was fully awake and mumbling a broken, low "hello?" into the receiver, it hadn't occurred to him that he had never seen the visible reminder year nine had given Charlie.
And maybe, that was why the voice of Charlie's mother full of sniffling accompanied by a shaky, "Nick? I need to speak with your mother" caught him so off guard.
His brain instantly launched itself into a full blown spiral, but it all came up with a stomach clenching, heart dropping conclusion. 'something has happened to Charlie.'
"Um…Mrs. Spring, it's really late and she has work in the morning." he found himself explaining, stalling without realizing it.
"I think you had better wake her up."
Nick nodded despite the fact that Charlie's mother couldn't see it and pushed his blanket off of his legs before making the short walk to his mother's room, keeping quiet as he pushed the wooden door open even though he knew that the silence would quickly be broken when he reached over before resting his hand on her shoulder.
His stomach turned violently accompanied by the repeated sentiment in his brain, 'something happened to Charlie, something's wrong with Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Char-' "mum?"
"Nick?" His mother murmured before pushing herself to sit up, flicking on the lamp as she squinted in the dark, "Nicky, is something wrong?"
"Charlie's mum needs to talk to you." He told her before passing her his cellphone before sitting on the edge of her bed.
"Hello, Jane? Yes, this is Sarah. Is everything…? mm-hmm…yes, yes, I know a little bit…oh, I see…oh, poor darling…"
Nick rested his head in his hand, blocking out the light from the lamp as he tried to focus on the comforting presence of Nellie rubbing her fur against his leg but was unable to stop his brain from spiraling, 'there's something wrong, something more, he didn't call you and now there's something wrong, you didn't stay up and now something's going horribly, you shouldn't have fallen asleep, you shouldn't have told him to get some sleep-'
"-Yes, I'll tell him…Jane, I'll tell Nick. Focus on your family…we'll see you in the morning. Bye, Jane," Sarah said, the sound of her clicking the button on the side of the phone forced Nick to pull his face out of his hands so he could try and figure out why everything was collapsing in the middle of the night.
"Nicky, darling," his mother started, gently reaching over to wipe away tears he hadn't realized had fallen down his face until the calloused pad of her thumb wiped them away like he was five again and had gotten into a fight with David, "I'm sure that you gathered that was Charlie's mother."
"J-just tell me what happened," he begged, the tears migrating to his voice in the form of a shaking sob, "mum, is Charlie-"
"Charlie's alive, okay? His parents had to take him to A&E, but he's alive and, at least right now, he's physically okay," she insisted, waiting for him to pull in a shaky breath of relief before continuing, "He hurt himself tonight, Nick."
'And I wasn't there to talk him down, I wasn't there I wasn't there I wasn't ther-'
"This isn't the first time he's done it, is it?" Nick couldn't manage to do anything but confirm her suspicions, resulting in her to let out a sympathetic sigh before brushing a few stray, ginger hairs from his watery eyes as she continued, "he wasn't in good shape. Jane told me that he needed quite a few stitches and they're keeping him in the hospital tonight, but right now, he's physically okay."
"When can I see him?"
"He's speaking to a psychiatrist in the morning, for him and his parents to figure out what to do next, but after that, they said you could, that you should, come see him."
Nick's heart sunk deeper into his chest, he knew that it was bad if Charlie's parents wanted him to come to the hospital; the big reason that Charlie spent so much time at his was because it was like fighting tooth and nail to get them to agree that he could stay for a few hours.
"I'm…I'm not sure I can go back to sleep, mum."
"Do you want to lie down here?" She offered as she gestured to the empty side of the queen with sincerity and concern practically bleeding from her lips.
Nick wordlessly nodded and curled up next to her, forcing himself to breathe within her comforting, motherly embrace; he was no stranger to her hugs, but it had been a long time since he had slept in her bed.
"I can practically hear your thoughts, darling," she muttered as she flicked the lamp off before pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head, "do you want to talk about it?"
He wasn't sure if either of them were surprised when he shook his head against her embrace before he tried his hardest to force himself to go back to sleep despite the fact that it felt like he couldn't breathe.
…
He didn't.
He stayed awake for the several long hours after the phone call, he stayed awake as he managed to eat a single slice of buttered toast with his stomach still tied in anxious knots while his mum called both the school and her workplace, he stayed awake for the entire forty five minute drive to the hospital, he stayed awake as he and his mother sat in the waiting room so a member of the Spring family could get them after they spoke to the psychiatrist.
Nick stayed awake the whole time; admittedly, it was the reason he had to blink a few times to be sure when the selected member of Charlie's family to come get him and his mum was Tori.
It wasn't that he had a problem with Tori, she was quiet and only ever offered quick, curious glances towards him and Charlie as she poured herself a drink or came to get them for dinner but he had no reason to dislike her; he was still a little surprised at her parents decision to send their daughter down to get them, however.
Accompanying her presence was the fact that her hair was pulled back into a rough ponytail, her eyes were watery and bloodshot and the words she offered the two of them was, "please tell me you two know how to entertain an seven year old at 9 in the morning."
And Nick knew that it would be polite, it would be expected, for him to offer to watch Olly, to take him on a walk around the clinical hallway to try and burn some energy off so maybe Tori, who looked like had gotten less sleep than he had, could take a nap; but his nerves were shot, his eyes were nearly twitching with exhaustion and his stomach was still in painful knots.
"Can we see Charlie?"
"I should have known you weren't here to save me," she deadpanned before waving her hand in a "follow me" motion as the group headed toward the elevator.
The trip to the room was silent, but Nick's nerves only spiked when Tori stopped outside one of the room doors before turning to him and his mum, "Nick, he's not…he's not doing well. He's not very talkative."
And Nick bit his tongue, fighting the urge to snap at Tori and say 'no shit' and 'no one who's well hurts themself like this.'
"That's alright, Tori," his mum insisted, resting a soft hand on Nick's shoulder, "we'll make do."
Tori nodded and opened the door, but Nick's ears were instantly hit with the sound of Oliver talking about…well, it sounded like Doctor Who from what he had heard in passing from Tao and Aled.
"-and that's why the doctor had to regenerate again, and now he's old, like super old, but he still has his powers so I guess it's okay that he's…"
Olly's voice faded out as quickly as it had come in because he was sitting on the end of the bed, the bed where Charlie was laying, the bed where Charlie was laying in a paper thin gown with bloodshot eyes just like Tori's and tightly wrapped bandages that snaked up both of his arms.
But it was Charlie; after all of it, he was still Charlie. That was enough for Nick's lungs to not feel as constricted inside of his chest.
"Nick!" Olly's shout brought his attention back to the eight year old who had jumped off of the bed and hugged his legs tightly, "do you want to hear about Doctor Who? I watched the new episode with Tori but she's tired, so's Charlie, and I need to tell someone about it before I go home with grandma!"
"Olly, inside voice," Tori scolded as she stretched out on the couch that was against the wall, "people are sleeping, remember."
"Why don't we get some breakfast and you can tell me all about it, Oliver?" his mum came to the rescue as she offered her hand for him to hold, who waited until he looked back at Tori for confirmation.
"Go on, than." She ushered him away as she put in her earbuds, finally freeing Nick from the pressure in his legs so he could all but run over to Charlie's bedside.
"Hey." Nick whispered as soon as he sat down, brushing a few flat curls from Charlie's forehead which got him to slowly turn his head towards him, blinking a couple times before the "hi" that was accompanied by tears already building in his eyes, "Char, are you-"
" 'm sorry. I'm so sorry, it was an accident-"
"I know," Nick insisted as he gently pulled Charlie against him, fighting against the tears that instantly started to build in his own eyes as his sweatshirt slowly became wet where Charlie's face was resting, "I know. I've got you. I'm here."
The same string of words he had offered every time before, the words he really did believe but knew were hard for Charlie to grasp, the words that hadn't worked before.
The only difference was that Charlie couldn't use the bell signaling that class was starting to force the tears to stop running down his face; neither could Nick.
So he held Charlie tight, continued to mutter soft, tiny "I love you"'s and "I've got you"'s in his ear and ran his fingers through the flat curls that sat atop his head until he gently pushed back against his hold.
"I got you all…snotty and gross." Charlie muttered, wincing as he lifted his right hand, his bandaged hand, to wipe his cheeks clean.
"It's fine," Nick insisted, "that is quite literally the last thing I care about right now."
In any other circumstance, that comment would have gotten a shy chuckle out of Charlie; Nick wasn't surprised that he didn't get so much as a smile in response.
"Where are your parents?" He asked as the realization hit him that he had only seen Charlie's siblings since he had arrived.
"Talking to doctors," Charlie muttered as he laid back down on the pillow like all the crying had worn out the last of his energy reserves, "I don't wanna talk about it."
"That's okay. Do you want me to keep talking?" He offered, waiting until he got a nod, "okay, is it okay if I talk about what you've missed at school?" Another nod that allowed Nick to start talking with his hand nestled softly in Charlie's hair, slowly working out the small snags as he spoke.
"So, like Olly, all Tao and Aled have been talking about is Doctor Who…"
…
"I'm scared, Nick."
It was the first words Charlie had said since Nick had arrived two hours earlier at the Spring house; he wanted to believe that it was a good thing that Charlie had been sent home just two days after he had ended up in the hospital, that while things were horrible and awful, it could have been a lot worse.
But when Nick arrived with a tin-foiled batch of brownies he had made out of the pure stress and a tinfoil covered casserole that his mum had made so Charlie's parents didn't have the need to focus on cooking on top of everything else, Charlie was sleeping in his room.
So Nick busied himself with keeping Olly company and trying to ignore the several pamphlets stamped with 'A Partner of the NHS' that talked about self-harm and eating disorders on the coffee table.
When Charlie did make his way down the stairs, the bandages covered by his green knit cardigan, Nick wordlessly scooted to the middle of the couch so he could rest his head against his shoulder while he continued to race Olly in Mario Kart.
It wasn't until Oliver was called away for lunch that Charlie uttered those three words, words that made Nick's stomach drop.
"Do you want to talk about what exactly is scaring you?" Nick murmured like if his voice was too loud, Charlie would go silent again.
Charlie just reached forward and picked up one of the pamphlets attached to a referral form signed off on by the same psychiatrist that had spoken to him multiple times before they released him from the hospital.
'oh.' Nick realized when he read the cover, which announced itself as a guide to Daffodil Clinic. 'impatient.'
"They said that it had to be my decision… but that it was the last chance for it to be my decision. I…I think I'm going to do it."
"Well, it's better than waiting till January, right?" Nick offered, not getting so much as a smirk which made any optimism shrivel up inside of him, "do you…do you think it'll help?"
"I don't know," Charlie admitted as he set down the pamphlet before resting his head against Nick's shoulder once again, "but I get to skip school for awhile, without the headmaster getting mad at my mum."
Nick nodded, trying not to let his stomach clench in sadness, in fear, because it wasn't happening to him; he wasn't the one who was sick, who was so sick that he needed to be sent somewhere else to get taken care of.
"You don't have to stay."
"What?" Nick shot straight up, the confusion rushing through him in a wave before he found himself clutching Charlie's left hand, "Charlie, of course I'm going to stay."
"But…b-but I've made things so awful for you and everyone else-"
"Charlie, I love you," Nick cut him off, wincing at the guilt-riddled glance that was still covering his face, "I love you so much. I can't just stop loving you because you think it's inconvenient for me, which it isn't, okay?"
"B-but…" Charlie whimpered, his eyes filling with tears as he rested his face against Nick's shirt and soaking his shoulder, "I'm sorry…"
Nick held him as tightly as he could without aggravating the stitches that made their way up to Charlie's bicep, knowing that he couldn't bring up their ban on the word "sorry".
There was nothing funny in the world that had beaten down the two of them, that had beaten down Charlie, like this and there was nothing Nick could say to make any of this better.
All he could do was hold him as tightly as he could and hope that maybe, just maybe, he could understand why it was impossible for him to leave.