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Jinx stared at the tent. Isha’s tent.
After it was established that Isha wasn’t going anywhere, Jinx had gotten to work with kidproofing her hideout the best she could. She set up the tent with a sofa and a nest of pillows and blankets, she added a little chest for the kid to store all her toys, and she got rid of or put away all her dangerous gadgets and weapons.
The lights were the biggest change though. Before, Jinx spent most of the time in the dark. She had the lights over her workshop so she could see when she was working and she had a few candles here and there, but that was about it. That had to change once Isha moved in. It didn’t take Jinx long to realize that Isha wasn’t a big fan of the dark, most kids weren’t, so Jinx added fairy lights all over the hideout to make Isha feel safer.
The hideout was no longer dark and eerie, but was instead full of warmth and life. All for Isha.
The lights were the first thing to go when Jinx finally forced herself back to the hideout. She was tired of the light. There was no point in having the lights up when the light of her life was gone. She ripped them all down and dumped them into the abyss below.
Isha’s toys and crayons were still strewn around the fan blade, she didn’t have the heart to pick those up yet. Stinkmaw and Scuttlebutt were still in their habitats, little did they know they’d never be let out again. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at the container they lived in, all she could hear was Isha’s laughter echoing in her mind.
She tightened her fist around the small vial she held. An elixir that supposedly allowed you to see dead loved ones. She knew it was a stupid idea. She saw enough dead people on a normal day, but none of them were the one she wanted. She knew she wouldn’t hear Isha, the kid never talked, so there wouldn’t be anything for her to say, no voice to haunt her with. She wanted to see her though. Her messy hair, her golden eyes, her little helmet covered in doodles. She missed her so much.
Jinx stumbled toward the tent and collapsed onto the sofa. She uncorked the vial and downed the contents before she could second guess herself.
The potion was bitter and unpleasant, but not nearly as bad as she had been expecting. It worked fast too. It only took a few minutes before her eyes began to droop and her body grew heavy and limp.
Her mind grew foggy and her vision blurred. She was distantly aware of the fact she couldn’t move, that she was paralyzed. She knew that should probably worry her, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.
Her breathing and heart beat slowed drastically as her eyes fluttered shut. She was teetering on the edge of death, but she couldn’t care less.
She embraced the darkness, allowing herself to be pulled into blissful unconsciousness.
………………………………………………………………
Jinx had to squint and blink a few times to let her eyes adjust to the bright lights when she woke up. She could’ve sworn she had gotten rid of them all, but somehow they were back.
The sound of little feet pattering against the metal floor snaps Jinx out of her weariness. She looks up and sees the precious little girl running towards her with a bright smile on her face.
“Isha?” Jinx’s voice broke as she called for the little girl, tears pooling in her eyes.
Isha looked up at her with those big, beautiful eyes. She tilted her head slightly, her silent indication that she was listening.
Jinx shakily reached out to touch Isha, to brush some of her unruly hair out of her face. It felt so real. She could feel the soft waves and the chalky feeling of the blue hair dye as it rubbed off on her fingers.
Before she wasted anymore time, Jinx flew off the couch and engulfed the little girl in a tight hug. Tears dripped down Jinx’s cheek, she wasn’t sure she’d ever get the chance to hug Isha again.
When she finally released the girl, she shot her a stern, almost scolding look.
“Why would you do that? What were you thinking?” Jinx asked, unable to keep her voice from wavering.
Isha just looked at her with those wide, sparkling eyes as her hands moved and formed little symbols.
“I just wanted to help. I wanted to save you.” Isha signed to Jinx.
Jinx felt like the world was collapsing on her. The same words she had said to Vi all those years ago after she had killed their family. She had become a murderer at eleven. Accident or not, Vi made it clear what she thought of her. At least she thought she had. Then Vi came back and made everything more confusing. There was no doubt about it now though, she was definitely a murderer. Silco, the council, numerous Firelights, she had the reputation of insanity and ruthlessness for a reason.
In their time together, Isha had made her mind quiet, had even made her believe that maybe she could be a hero, that she could fix the messes she made. Then Isha died and any hope or fight that Jinx carried died with her.
It was Jinx’s fault. She let Isha carry the Hextech gems, she had shown Isha how Zapper worked, she had unintentionally instilled that stupid idea of heroism and self-sacrifice in the little girl’s head. It was her fault Isha was dead.
Jinx brought her knees to her chest and buried her face as she broke into sobs.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.” She cried and apologized to the little girl hovering in front of her.
Isha was used to Jinx’s breakdowns. Even though things had gotten better with Isha around, they were far from perfect. Jinx still had days where her gaze would be locked on something in the distance that only she could see, days where she couldn’t make herself move from the couch no matter how hard she tried, days where fear and doubt would consume her and she would try to push Isha away.
Most other kids would be scared by Jinx, but not Isha, never Isha. Isha would just divert her attention to a new drawing she had made or request a battle between Stinkmaw and Scuttlebutt when she noticed Jinx staring off into the distance. On days when Jinx couldn’t move from the couch, Isha would curl up on the beside Jinx and play with Jinx’s braids, she was perfectly content to just be with Jinx. On the days when Jinx would lash out and try to push Isha away, Isha just sat and drew pictures of their adventures together to remind Jinx she loved her and wasn’t going anywhere.
Isha was only seven, but she understood Jinx more that should’ve been possible.
Isha crawled over to Jinx and snuggled against the older girl, doing her best to provide some comfort. She wanted to tell Jinx that it wasn’t her fault, but she knew Jinx needed a minute.
When Jinx’s tears finally slowed, she looked over to the little girl next to her.
Isha looked up and gave Jinx a small smile.
“Not your fault.” Isha signed, hoping she could get through to Jinx and calm her guilt. Isha knew Jinx though, knew Jinx would argue and find any possible way to blame herself, so she got up and ran toward her toy chest before Jinx had a chance to argue.
“Wha- Isha, where are you going?” Jinx said with a hint of panic, as she got up and followed the little girl, desperate to not let her leave her sight ever again.
Isha pulls out the two beetles and her bunny ears. She puts the bunny ears on her head and hands Stinkmaw to Jinx.
“Rematch.” She signed determinedly before sitting on the floor and setting up the blocks to create their battle arena.
Jinx’s heart ached. It felt so real, being here with Isha, but she knew deep down that it wasn’t. All she wanted was to bring Isha back. She wished she had just stayed in the hideout, wished she had never gone looking for Vander or Vi. She was perfectly content to stay hidden away in the little wonderland she built with Isha.
She couldn’t bring Isha back though. She would never really see Isha again, at least not in this life. That was how she made up her mind. When she woke up, if she woke up, she would make sure she never did again. She would never have peace and happiness in life, but she hoped that maybe she would in death. For now though, she decided to enjoy what little time she had left with Isha, real or not.
She walked over to her phonograph and put on Isha’s favorite song, the upbeat tune echoed through the cave.
Isha looked up at her with a bright smile and giggled joyfully as she heard the song. She got up and ran over to Jinx. She grabbed Jinx’s hands and bounced around, dancing to the beat of the song.
Jinx couldn’t help but laugh and dance alongside the little girl, copying Isha’s childish movements. For just a moment she forgot about everything else, forgot about reality.
As the song ended, Jinx pulled Isha close to her and tickled her ribs. Isha shrieked and squirmed in Jinx’s grasp and they both toppled to the ground in a pile of giggles.
Jinx missed this so so much. It wouldn’t be much longer until she got it back. She had no intention to stay in the living world for much longer.
After the giggles died down, Isha dragged Jinx back to the little block arena she had build.
It was finally time for Stinkmaw’s great comeuppance.
In the end, Scuttlebutt won again. It was totally worth it though to hear Isha’s victory cry and precious laughter.
Isha yawned as she put the beetles back in their enclosure.
“Tired, kiddo?” Jinx asked as she ran her fingers through Isha’s hair, gently patting her head.
Isha nodded and rubbed her eyes. Jinx scooped the little girl into her arms and plopped her onto the couch.
Jinx curled up beside Isha and wrapped her arm around the girl. She draped her braid over her and tiny fingers wrapped around it. She chuckled, most kids had a stuffed animal or doll they slept with, Isha had Jinx’s braids.
Jinx rested her chin on Isha’s head and closed her eyes. She softly hummed the lullaby her mother used to sing to her. Most of the lyrics had been forgotten over the years, but the tune always remained.
As she finished humming, she could feel Isha’s soft, even breaths against her arm.
“Love you, Isha.” Jinx whispered as she pressed a gentle kiss to Isha’s forehead.
Jinx’s eyes flickered shut as her body grew heavy. She drifted into the most comfortable sleep she’d had in years with the little girl tucked under her arm.
She wished it could stay like this forever.
………………………………………………………………..
Ekko had to find her.
Seeing what could’ve been in the other universe reminded him that Powder and Jinx aren’t so different after all. He never should’ve given up on her. Jinx was still Powder. She had been hurt and twisted into a weapon for Silco, but now Silco was dead, so maybe this time he could get through to her.
He knew the way to her hideout now. Another benefit of having been in the other universe. He prayed that’s where she would be.
As he sped through the streets of Zaun on his hoverboard, he paused as he saw billowing clouds of black smoke. He hesitantly flew toward the smoke and found The Last Drop burning to the ground.
All their childhood memories. All their memories of Vander. He hadn’t been to The Last Drop since before everything, not with Silco around. Silco had changed the bar and corrupted it anyway, there was no point in going back. It still hurt to watch it all burn away. His memories of playing with Powder, of building inventions and tinkering together in the basement, of innocent sleepovers and shared beds, of dance parties with Vander and Benzo after the bar closed. All of it was gone, being burned away.
He had no doubt in his mind who did it. His heart sunk to his stomach as he realized what she was probably planning to do next. He had to find her.
It didn’t take long for him to get to her hideout. He entered quietly, he didn’t want to startle her or start a fight. He didn’t think he had the heart to fight her again if it came down to that, he hoped that after that look she gave him on the bridge she wouldn’t either.
Her workshop was dark and eerily quiet. In the other universe it was covered in lights and there was always soft music playing. It was yet another reminder of how much pain and sadness Jinx had suffered in her life.
“Jinx?” Ekko finally called out, trying to find a sign of her long blue braids. There was no response to his call and fear creeped into his chest. What if he was wrong? What if she wasn’t here and she had already done something to hurt herself? What if she had been in The Last Drop and he had just flown right past and left her to be burned to ash? Bile rose in his throat as that thought crossed his mind.
No. He couldn’t think that way. He couldn’t give up yet.
He walked toward what looked like some sort of tent. He could see some pillows peaking out from the entrance, so maybe she had just fallen asleep. He reached out and moved the fabric flap to the side.
There she was. Asleep on a sofa. Ekko nearly collapsed with relief. Thank Janna. She was ok, she would be ok.
He crouched down beside her and gently shook her.
“Jinx? Jinx, wake up.” He said gently as he tried to coax her out of her slumber.
She didn’t wake up, she didn’t even move. He tried again, shaking her a little harder this time.
“Jinx. Come on, wake up.” He said more firmly. Unease creeped into his chest, something was wrong.
He looked at her again and realized she looked dead. Her skin was sickly pale, purple veins lined her eyes, and her body was limp and unmoving, she didn’t even twitch.
No. No, no, no, no. She couldn’t be dead. Not now. He was supposed to get another chance. He couldn’t lose her again. This time forever.
He pressed his fingers to her neck, desperately searching for a pulse. A light thump beneath his fingers sent a wave of hope surging through him. She had a pulse, albeit a weak one, but it didn’t matter, she was alive.
He shifted slightly to get a better look at her face. As he moved, his foot hit something on the floor. He looked down to find an empty vial discarded on the floor.
He connected the dots in less than a second. She had taken something, probably something no better than poison. Was it to sleep or was it intended to kill her?
He didn’t have a chance to think about it too much, Jinx twitched and whined softly.
“Jinx? Hey, can you hear me?” He knew it was probably false hope, but he prayed to whatever god that would listen that the movement was a sign she was waking up.
It wasn’t. Instead, her limbs jerked and she started to convulse. Ekko’s eyes widened in terror as he watched the girl he loved thrash and spasm. He held her gently to make sure she didn’t fall off the sofa and hurt herself more.
The seizure probably only lasted about a minute, but it felt like an eternity to Ekko. All he wanted was to be able to help her, but he couldn’t stop a seizure. He couldn’t save her from this. He just had to wait and pray that she would wake up.
She made a horrible gurgling noise as her body finally fell limp and Ekko noticed the foam at the corners of her mouth.
“Shit, shit, shit.” He muttered to himself as he carefully maneuvered her onto her side to open her airway. He had never been more grateful for the stolen medical textbook and first aid training they taught at the Firelight base.
Jinx wheezed as she breathed, but at least she was breathing. It was better than the gurgling when she was choking on her own saliva. He was pretty sure that sight and sound would haunt him for a while.
Ekko froze as he saw Jinx’s eyes flutter. Maybe this time she would wake up. He really hoped it wasn’t another seizure, he didn’t know a ton about them, but he was pretty sure that two back to back was not a good sign.
He gently rubbed her arm, hoping the touch would be comforting and would help pull her back to consciousness.
Slowly, her eyes opened, revealing pink eyes that almost seemed to glow.
Ekko gaped at the sight for a moment. He was used to her ocean blue eyes, her eyes had still been blue the last time he saw her. Now they were shimmer pink. When had she taken shimmer? Why? Was that what caused the seizure? He had a million questions but he knew he couldn’t bombard her with all of it right now.
Jinx’s brain felt fried. It felt like everything was as moving in slow motion, her awareness was severely impaired. She was distantly aware of a hand on her arm.
“Isha?” She croaked, her throat was dry and scratchy.
Ekko jolted slightly, he hadn’t been expecting her to talk yet. He also wasn’t exactly sure what she said.
“Hey, what did you say?” He asked softly, trying to piece together what she had asked for.
His voice spooked Jinx at first. Isha didn’t talk and she definitely didn’t sound like that. Jinx scrambled away, well she tried to scramble away, but she didn’t get far. Her limbs were still heavy and a struggle to move. Great.
“Woah! Jinx, it’s ok!” He held his hands up in a placating gesture.
She finally looked up and tried to focus her eyes. Her vision was still blurry, but she noticed the patch of white paint on his face first. She only knew one person that wore that stupid face paint.
“Ekko?” She said with clear annoyance.
“Yeah. It’s me. You scared the shit out of me, Jinx.” His voice shook slightly as he spoke, he knew he was treading on dangerous territory. He didn’t want to fight her and she really wasn’t in a state, mentally or physically, to fight.
“Get out of here, Ekko.” She slumped back against the couch and avoided his scrutinizing gaze.
“Yeah, not happening. You looked dead when I got here and you had a seizure like five minutes ago. I’m not just gonna leave you here to die.” He stood his ground. He wasn’t leaving her this time. He wasn’t going to give up on her again.
Jinx’s eyes widened slightly at the seizure comment. Guess that explained why her brain felt like static. Actually, everything felt wrong. Her body was still too heavy to move properly, her mind was filled with fog, her throat was dry and scratchy as though she had swallowed cotton, and her stomach was churning uncomfortably.
She could see Ekko’s mouth moving but she couldn’t hear his words over the buzzing in her head. She lurched forward and fell off the couch, landing on her knees and collapsing in on herself.
She could feel Ekko’s hands on her back as he tried to get her to sit up and acknowledge him, but she just laid there in a crumpled heap. A sharp stabbing pain in her stomach caused bile to rise up her throat and she gagged. She crawled pitifully toward the edge of the fan blade, fighting against Ekko’s arms desperately trying to hold her back.
“Let me go.” She whined, trying to tug her arm out of his grip.
“Jinx, you need to just sit still, I’m just trying to help, but you’re really freaking me out here.” Ekko tried to reason with her. He had a horrible feeling that intentionally or not she was gonna end up falling off the fan blade if he let her go.
She whined again and her stomach flipped. She gagged and couldn’t stop herself from puking. Tears stung her eyes and bile burned her throat.
“Oh, Jinx…” Ekko sighed apologetically as he held her hair back, making sure she didn’t get any throw up in it. He rubbed her back softly and waited patiently for her to stop being sick.
By the time the nausea passed, tears were streaming down Jinx’s face and she was utterly exhausted. Ekko pulled her into his lap and she slumped against his chest.
She didn’t get why he was here, why he was doing this, why he still cared. He should hate her after everything she had done. Yet here he was holding her and whispering words of comfort into her ear.
She hated it. She didn’t deserve it. She just wanted to die.
She wanted to be with Isha.
The dam broke and she started to sob. She tried to push away from him, but she was too weak and he was too strong, so she didn’t get anywhere.
She weakly punched his chest, but there was no real fight behind her hits. He didn’t move, he just held her and gave her a moment to work through her emotions.
When she finally calmed down he ran his fingers through her hair in an attempt to soothe her. She didn’t fight him over it, so he took that as a good sign.
“What did you take?” He asked quietly, breaking the silence. He held his breath and hoped the question wouldn’t set her off and upset her more, but he needed to know.
Jinx stared blankly ahead, for a minute he was sure she wouldn’t respond, but then her tired voice cut through the air.
“I just wanted to see her. They said it would let me see her.” She muttered as she picked at the already torn skin around her cuticles.
“See who?” Ekko asked with furrowed brows, he didn’t know what she was talking about. A drop of blood rolled off her ripped up fingers and onto his leg. He gently grabbed her hand and wrapped it in his to stop her from picking at the skin and hurting herself more. She huffed, but didn’t struggle or fight against his grip.
“Isha.” She finally responded, flinching as though it hurt her to speak the name.
So that’s what she had said earlier, when she had first woken up. A lot of his questions were still unanswered though, he had no idea who Isha was, but clearly she was important to Jinx.
He didn’t know if he could ask Jinx more, it was clearly a sensitive topic and he didn’t want to upset her more. He glanced around the hideout searching for clues about who Isha could be.
Toys. There were children’s toys scattered along the floor. He didn’t think much of it when he had first arrived and it really wasn’t out of character for Jinx to have a bunch of toys laying around, but something in his gut told him that there was more to it than that.
“Is Isha a kid?” He asked hesitantly, bracing himself for the worst. Jinx just let her head fall forward in defeat and nodded.
He had a bad feeling he knew where this story was going. He really hoped he was wrong, but he knew he wasn’t.
“What happened to her?”
Jinx went rigid as soon as the words were spoken and he wished the Z-Drive was within reach so he could undo his words. She didn’t move or say anything, she just sat there, thinking, or plotting. He was pretty sure she would make him regret pushing her. The last time he had tried to push her she slapped him and told him to leave and that she never wanted to see him again. He couldn’t help but be on edge as he anticipated a similar reaction.
“She’s dead. She died trying to save me.” She finally says, her voice was almost robotic, devoid of any emotion. He almost wished she would scream or yell at him instead.
“I’m sorry-“ He doesn’t get a chance to finish what he was going to say, she cuts him off.
“Don’t be. I’m the jinx. It’s just part of the curse. Everyone close to me dies. It doesn’t matter anymore though. I’m going to break the cycle, break the curse.” She sounds monotonous and eerily calm. He isn’t stupid, he knows exactly what her words mean. After she tried to blow them both up on the bridge that night it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what her plan was. He wouldn’t let it happen, he wasn’t going to lose her again.
“You’re not a curse, Jinx. I don’t know exactly what happened, but I doubt it was your fault. You clearly loved her. Sometimes… sometimes bad stuff happens to good people. We’ve been surrounded by death our whole lives. We’ve watched good people die both from things beyond our control and because of us. Everyone down here has blood on their hands, but it doesn’t define us. We can choose to learn from our mistakes to let go of the past and build something new.” Ekko paused and opened his hand releasing his grip on hers. He held his hand up with his palm toward her. She gave him a confused look but pressed her palm to his, almost out of instinct, their fingers interlocked. Her hand was tiny in his, but it felt nice having their hands held together.
It reminded her of their childhood days. They used to hold hands all the time back then. Ekko and Powder running through the streets hand in hand, driving the adults mad as they sped past on Ekko’s monowheel.
She missed that more than she wanted to admit.
She wasn’t Powder anymore though. She never would be again. She just wanted to be free from this life and be with Isha again. She could almost hear Isha’s soft giggles calling to her, luring mind further and further away from sanity and reality. She didn’t even care if death hurt, she would embrace it like an old friend.
It was an ironic thought as she sat in the arms of her oldest friend.
She tried to pull away from him, but he continued to hold her tight.
“Let me go, Ekko.” She said a little more desperately than she had intended to.
“No. I’m not giving up on you this time. I’m not going anywhere.” He held her as she thrashed and fought against him. He couldn’t let her go, her life literally depended on it.
“Let. Me. Go.” She snarled and twisted in his embrace so she could push her knee into his ribs.
He groaned in pain and his grip faltered for a second, but he pushed through and wrapped his arms around her torso. Pulling her back toward him.
“Jinx, please!” He was ready to beg, to plead for her life. Only she was her own judge and she had already sentenced herself to death. He didn’t know what to say or do to get through to her.
Jinx was exhausted. Her body still ached from whatever stupid concoction she had drank earlier and all she wanted was Isha. It wasn’t fair. She had finally found a friend. Someone who didn’t care about her past, didn’t care whether she was Powder or Jinx, all Isha cared about was her. She didn’t see a monster or terrorist, instead she looked at Jinx like she hung the moon and stars. It made Jinx’s heart bleed every time she looked at her with those big, bug eyes.
“I miss her! Just let me go with her! Please!” She shrieked, but she remained motionless. She was tired, she couldn’t find the energy to fight Ekko anymore. She didn’t have it in her.
“Please, Ekko, let me go.” She sounded so defeated and it made Ekko feel sick. For a horrible moment, he considered letting her go. Maybe it would be a mercy, she was clearly miserable.
He couldn’t though. Not after he had seen the other world, seen what she could’ve been, the good she was capable of.
He adjusted his grip around her waist, shifting to hold her with one hand. He brought his other hand up to her face and cupped her cheek.
“I’m not gonna let you go.” He said calmly, his voice steady and reassuring.
“Why? Why are you even here, Ekko?” She scrutinized him with those sharp, pink eyes.
The last time they had seen each other was the bridge fight. She had nearly killed them both. She would never forget the look in his eyes as she pulled the pin. He had every right to hate her, he should hate her, and yet he didn’t.
“I was reminded of how good of a team we are. Of our friendship. I figured it was worth a try to see if we could rebuild what we had back then.” He says with a small, hopeful chuckle.
“Powder is gone, Ekko. You don’t want to be friends with Jinx.” She snapped, her voice wavering slightly as she spoke. It sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than him.
“Powder and Jinx aren’t all that different. I don’t care what name you go by, I care about you . I love you .”
Jinx tensed and her breath caught in her throat. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had told her they loved her. How could anyone love a monster?
She didn’t understand it, maybe she never would. Ekko was here though. He was here and he cared enough about her to plead with her for her own life. He cared enough to hold her hair back as she puked, to hold her as she sobbed, to stop her from ending it all.
Maybe she did understand. She would do the same for the people she loved, including him once upon a time. She missed her best friend, her partner in crime. She didn’t deserve him, didn’t deserve this chance, but maybe just for a little while she could pretend like things were different.
She stopped arguing with him and nestled herself against his chest. She had no tears left to cry, so she just listened to the beat of his heart. She had never heard a more soothing sound before.
Ekko’s grip on her loosened and he ran his fingers through her hair. He knew it wasn’t that easy, there was no chance that she accepted his words and love just like that. It was a start though. He was just as stubborn as her and one way or another he would make sure she realized she was worth everything to him, that she was lovable.
Ekko let go of her and shifted slightly, trying to get into a more comfortable position for both of them.
Jinx clung to him like a baby monkey, she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. She kept her eyes shut tight, worried if she opened them the spell would be broken and he would leave just like everyone else.
“Don’t let me go.” She pleaded like a scared little kid.
Ekko wrapped his arms around her back and traced patterns along her spine.
“I won’t. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” He whispered softly in her ear. For now, it’s enough to get her to relax.
It only takes a few minutes for her breathing to slow and her eyes to fall shut. He continued to trace patterns along her back and play with her hair. He didn’t plan on moving anytime soon. He didn’t want to disturb her, she needed the rest.
“I won’t leave you again, I promise.” He said almost imperceptibly. It was a sacred vow that he intended to never break, not if he had any say in it.