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Glinda ran her fingers through her hair, resisting the urge to groan in frustration. She glared sharply down at the sorcery assignment on her desk, still just as unfinished as it had been an hour ago when she first sat down.
As much as she claimed to love the subject, it was evident that she vastly overestimated her own sorcery abilities when signing up to take the seminar. Now, with midterms fast approaching, she was almost certain that she would flunk out of the course. She was also numbly aware that by wasting so much time trying to cram in the material for this particular class she had neglected to study for any of her other exams.
Taking a deep, shaky breath, Glinda picked up her pencil and tried again to focus. She turned the page, hoping by some miracle she would do better if she just restarted with a new problem. She skimmed over the words, drumming her fingers against the weathered paper.
Write the incantation and trace the complimentary wand motion necessary to suspend a small object in the air.
Glinda vaguely remembered practicing this particular levitation spell with Elphaba early in the semester. She could remember Elphaba’s soft voice whispering words of encouragement into her ear, her gentle touch as she guided Glinda’s hand through the motion, the pride in her eyes when Glinda finally managed to levitate the coin that had forsaken her for days. What she couldn’t recall was the incantation that was used to cast the spell.
She clutched her pencil tighter, feeling the pain of a callus starting to form where the wood rubbed against her finger, and pressed the lead into the paper.
She wished Elphaba were here now. She let herself imagine the moment. Elphaba would notice her frustration and wrap her in a hug, offering to help her understand the subject. She’d never give Glinda the answer, just help to guide her to it, always insisting Glinda was clever enough to figure it out on her own. She had this way of explaining things that made Glinda feel smart, something she had never really been given the chance to be.
But of course, Elphaba was in class, and Glinda was stuck in the same place she’d been for hours with nothing but the incessant ticking of the clock and the gabbering birds outside the window to keep her company. She began dragging the pencil against the paper in what she hoped was the correct motion. A left swirl and a flick of the wrist perhaps? No. She knew that was wrong.
She swallowed the lump of frustration building in her throat and scribbled furiously over her drawing. Why couldn’t she do this? The lead caught on the paper, tearing it down the middle. “Oz dammit!” She slammed her hand hard against the desk, sucking in a sharp breath.
She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t do this.
She choked back a sob and ripped the page from the book. Her hands shook as she crumpled it into a ball and leapt up so fast her chair fell backwards before hurling it across the room. It hit the wall with a dull thud and bounced harmlessly to the floor.
Dumb blonde.
Glinda turned around and swept her arms across her desk sending the book and several stacks of papers flying through the air. They fluttered gracefully to the ground. Glinda’s stomach twisted itself into a knot. “Why am I so stupid?” she whispered to the empty room, but the papers only glared back, mockingly silent.
She could feel the warmth of tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, and she squeezed them shut in an effort to keep them in, digging her fingernails into her palm.
She had to do this. She had to prove that she was smart enough to be here, that she didn’t just buy her way in. If she failed all of her classes, she would surely be expelled no matter how much money her parents were able to flash.
Then she would be sent home with nothing to show of this whole endeavor. Torn from the university and her new life, left to retreat back to her parents with her head hanging, no doubt to be immediately set up with a husband of their choosing. That’s probably what everyone back in Frottica expected to happen. Dumb, blonde, innocent Galinda, couldn’t even last a semester at a university.
Oz, she had changed so much since coming here. She tried hard in her classes, spoke her own opinion despite how unpopular it was, and rejected all the handsome boys that offered her their hand. She was trying to become a better person. Would all of that progress disappear the moment she left campus? When she left Elphaba?
The thought of her roommate brought a fresh wave of tears to Glinda’s eyes, and she pressed her palms to her face in an attempt to keep them from falling. Elphaba who was the first to see through the glittery facade Glinda put on into the quick mind underneath. Elphaba who was always there to lend a patient, guiding hand. Elphaba who made her laugh and cared about her in a way no one ever had before. Sure they had only known one another for a few months, but Elphaba had quickly become the most important person in Glinda’s life. She couldn’t lose her, because losing Elphaba would mean losing the person she had fought so hard to become.
And now she was going to lose Elphaba because she couldn’t pull herself together long enough to finish a stupid sorcery assignment.
Her chest tightened, and she sucked in another gulp of air. The ringing in her ears drowned out the ticking of the clock and the chirping of the birds, accentuating the pounding of her heart. She stumbled backwards, falling to her knees when her legs brushed the edge of Elphaba’s bed.
A beautiful disappointment. That’s all she was. She was stupid to pretend to be anything else.
Glinda clawed desperately at her blouse, a gift from her parents a few weeks prior. She had squealed when she first lay eyes on the glittery silk, but the fabric that had before seemed so luxurious now constricted, pressing all the air out of her lungs. Frantically, Glinda scrambled to undo the laces on the back, fingers fumbling clumsily with the fabric. When at last she was able to tear the thing off her body she threw it as far as she could and collapsed back against the bed, panting.
Her vision blurred with more tears, and she resisted the urge to rub at her eyes, afraid of the redness that would be left behind. Oz, even now curled up half dressed on the floor she was being vain. Without the warmth of her shirt, Glinda began to feel the chill of the small room. She pulled her knees to her chest, her bleary gaze locking onto the charcoal colored coat hanging from the back of Elphaba’s desk chair. It was the same coat Elphaba wore every time the weather dipped below freezing.
Trembling, Glinda grabbed for the fabric like a lifeline, yanking it off the chair and cradling it to her chest. It smelled like Elphaba, soft hints of oil and parchment and sandalwood that soothed her racing mind.
Without thinking, she slid her arms into the sleeves of the coat, letting herself get swallowed in the fabric. She buttoned it slowly, taking a small measure of comfort from the methodical process. Once finished, her hands fisted in the soft material. She closed her eyes, taking several deep breaths to reel in her thoughts. The fabric was soft against her skin, wrapping her in a warmth she hadn’t felt all afternoon.
Piece by piece, the room put itself back together around her. The clock resumed its vexing ticking. The birds picked up their squawking and bickering. The light from the window broke through the haze that had clouded her eyes, pooling on the wooden planks of the floor and illuminating the scattered papers and crumpled blouse.
Slowly, Glinda uncurled from herself, using the bed to pull herself up. Her limbs, though noticeably less shaky, felt weighted down as if filled with sand. Her mind felt clouded over with lingering unease. She was exhausted.
Time to fix her mess. She sniffed, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her coat. No, Elphaba’s coat she corrected herself. She shouldn’t have grabbed it, but Elphaba had let her wear it before, when the two of them had been wandering around campus after the first snowfall of the year. Surely she wouldn’t mind… and Glinda couldn’t bring herself to take it off. It felt like armor, warding off her panic.
She set about tidying the room, putting everything back in its proper place. The blouse in the hamper, the papers on her desk, the chair righted. She was just fixing the blankets on her bed when the door creaked open behind her. She froze mid-step, her hand still clutching the edge of the blanket.
Elphaba stepped into the room, closing the door softly behind her. “Glinda?”
Glinda didn’t think. She crossed the room in an instant and threw her arms around Elphaba, burying her face in her shoulder.
Elphaba’s arms wrapped around her just as quickly, just as tightly. “What’s wrong?” She spoke gently, a hint of concern tugging at her voice.
Glinda shook her head against her shoulder, the words catching in her throat. She was thankful that Elphaba didn’t press for more. Elphaba’s hand moved soothingly against her back, steady and grounding. “I’m here.” She said quietly.
They stayed like that for a long moment, Glinda clinging to Elphaba like she might vanish, Elphaba resting her chin on Glinda’s curls.
Finally Glinda pulled back, swiping at her eyes with trembling hands.
Elphaba kept her hands on her shoulders, dark eyes full of concern as they traced Glinda’s face. “Are you alright?”
Glinda smiled, “I’ll be alright,” she responded, voice still thick.
“Okay.” Elphaba rubbed Glinda’s shoulders, looking her up and down as if to find the source of Glinda’s discomfort. Then her gaze settled on the coat, and an amused smile broke out across her face. “Borrowing my wardrobe?”
Glinda blushed, tugging at the neck of the coat frantically. “Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t ask. I can take it off now, I just didn’t– I couldn’t–”
“No, it's fine.” Elphaba grabbed Glinda’s wrist, lowering her hand away from the collar and threading their fingers together. “I think it suits you splendidly.” Her voice was warm. She leaned in closer. “I’ve heard black is the color of the year.”
Glinda snorted, swatting at her playfully with her free hand, her heart steadied by the warmth. The weight in her chest felt a thousand times lighter. It was going to be alright. Nothing seemed quite as impossible when she was with Elphaba.