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Is Jim coming back? I don’t want it to be weird.
—
It’s about Pam, not him; Ryan knows that. It’s written all over Jim’s face when he shows up at Ryan’s door after the Casino Night, which, Ryan has to agree, was pretty much a mess all around, up to and including him blowing off Jim when he could tell Jim needed someone to talk to — instead Ryan found himself just sort of nodding because at least that didn’t involve saying “yes, I’m dating Kelly” out loud, and then the drinks came and all he could do was shrug and head back to her, leaving Jim behind.
But there they are at 3am, standing in Ryan’s doorway.
“Can I come in?” Jim asks. He looks like kind of a mess, but he doesn’t look drunk. That feels important.
“Sure,” Ryan says. Jim steps inside and Ryan closes the door. “Want a beer or something?”
“Nah,” Jim says. “I’m good. Thanks, though.”
“Sure,” Ryan says again. They both stand there in awkward silence for a moment before Ryan thinks to add, “Want to sit down?”
“Sure, yeah,” Jim says, and Ryan leads the way to the couch. Jim flops down on it, and Ryan hesitates a moment, then sits down next to him.
“So,” he says. “What’s up?”
Jim doesn’t say anything for a moment; Ryan’s staring very carefully at the TV, but out of the corner of his eye he can see Jim lick his lips. Finally, Jim says, “I’m transferring to the Stamford branch.”
Ryan blinks and turns to look at Jim. “Oh.”
“I start next week,” Jim says. “I’m moving out on Monday.”
“That’s…” Ryan searches for the right word. “…Soon.”
Jim just nods. Then: “Are you and Kelly really…?”
Ryan does something somewhere between nodding and shaking his head, which he realizes is deeply unclear. “I don’t know. No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.”
Jim nods briefly. “Gotcha.”
“I think I’m in too deep,” Ryan says finally.
“I know the feeling,” Jim says bitterly.
Ryan’s not sure how to respond to that.
Another long pause. Ryan opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again. Then, slowly, hesitantly, Jim leans over and kisses him, and Ryan knows where this is going, and he knows he’s just a poor substitute for Pam, but he lets it happen anyway. It feels good. It’s nice not to have to lie to someone.
“You can stay here tonight if you want,” Ryan says, when Jim pulls away.
“Thanks,” Jim says. “I’d like that.”
“Me—” he stops and licks his lips. “Me, too.”
Then Jim kisses him again, and kissing quickly becomes more than kissing. It’s not Ryan’s first time with a guy, and he doesn’t think it’s Jim’s, either, although he doesn’t ask. Neither does Jim. He also doesn’t ask how Jim knew.
It’s nice not to have to lie to someone.
—
When he wakes up, well past noon, Jim is already gone. Ryan stares up at the ceiling above his bed and sighs.