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Dan refused to let Phil into the kitchen while he prepared the cupcakes for baking.
Phil thought it was a little odd, since Dan usually loved having company while doing what he considered boring tasks; things that required either Phil or a youtube video to get through. But Phil also knew that when Dan had something in his head, he rarely changed his mind, so he left him to it and played on his phone for a bit in the living room.
He heard the beeps of the oven and then Dan came back into the living room.
“20 minutes. And if you want you can help me put the frosting on.” Dan said as he sat next to Phil on the sofa.
“Only if I get to lick the spatula.” Phil replied.
“Obviously.”
Phil went back to his phone, but out of his periphery he could see Dan just watching him. He looked like the boy who took the train to visit as often as he could sometimes. Not just youthful, but smitten. It made Phil blush a little to this day.
“You say me not blinking is creepy, what about you!” Phil finally said, nudging Dan and laughing.
“Sorry! I was just thinking about… stuff.”
“Stuff, eh? Sounds serious.”
“Deadly.” Dan replied, leaning in with a smile and kissing Phil. “All right, though, if you don’t want me ogling you that’s fair enough. Back into the kitchen I go like a good little wife.” Dan said.
“Shut up!” Phil laughed again. Dan was feeling impish. Which Phil loved even if it did sometimes make him a little nervous for what he might be out of the loop on.
He passed more time on his phone ‘til Dan yelled from the kitchen that the cupcakes were done baking and he should come in and help frost them if he wanted the spatula afterward.
Phil went and found Dan setting aside one cupcake apart from the rest before turning with the jar of vanilla cream frosting in his hand.
“We’ll split it in half.” Dan said, giving Phil the jar and a spoon. Dan had already put some of the frosting in a small bowl for himself. Dan took the half of the cupcakes closest to the one he set aside, and Phil took the rest, not thinking much about the lone cupcake on the counter.
Dan got through all of his cupcakes, and turned to Phil, who still had two of his left, and dipped his finger into his bowl of frosting. He then lifted his hand and gently tapped Phil’s nose with the frosting covered finger. Leaving Phil giggling with his tongue out as he leaned against the counter.
“Dan!” Phil cried as he wiped his nose. He then dipped three fingers into the jar of frosting and got enough frosting to wipe it down Dan’s cheek.
Dan, too, started laughing, and before he got a chance to wipe his face off, Phil said, “hey, you’ve got something in your dimple.” And he kissed Dan’s dimple, which was covered in frosting. He pulled away, with more frosting on his face again. He got a kitchen towel and wiped both of their faces off.
When Phil turned back from getting rid of the kitchen towel, Dan was on one knee holding a cupcake. Phil leaned back against the counter and nearly fell over when he realized he wasn’t actually that close to it.
“Phil, will you marry me?”
“With a cupcake? I mean that’s not a no! I mean, yes! Yes, I’ll marry you!”
“The cupcake has a surprise in it, so take small bites.” Dan said, handing Phil the small cake.
Phil took what he thought were two small bites, but before he could realize that there was something solid in his mouth, he swallowed. It took only a second before he realized what he’d done. Dan saw panic in his eyes.
“Dan…”
“Oh my god. You swallowed it didn’t you!”
“Yes I swallowed it, why would it be in there!!” Phil cried, nearly in tears.
“Because I thought it would be cute!” Dan said back, trying not to raise his voice too much and barely succeeding.
“Is it gonna pass? What if it gets stuck? What if I get heavy metal poisoning?” Phil rattled off, spiraling fast.
“Hey, hey, hey, you’ll be fine. We can’t get married if you’re dead.” Dan said. It did not reassure Phil.
“I know I’m never going to hear the end of this… What do I do now? Do I wait? Should I call my doctor? Go to hospital?”
“Would you feel better calling 111?” Dan asked. Phil nodded.
So he did, and was given the recommendation to see if he passed it when going to the bathroom. He was embarrassed, but thanked the nurse and hung up.
The next few hours he spent ruminating on the couch. He was resting his head in Dan’s lap, asking him every few minutes things like “what if it makes my ass bleed again?” and “if it gets stuck they might have to do surgery, I read that online”, until Dan took his phone away.
“You’ll be okay, if anything weird goes on we’ll go to A&E, but for now it’s just a waiting game. And I'm right here, I won't go anywhere.”
Phil was silent for several minutes. Dan assumed he had just stopped wanting to bother Dan with his worries, although it didn’t bother Dan really. He’d huff and moan and joke around about it but at the end of the day, Dan just wanted Phil to be and feel safe. It was true, however, that he was never going to let Phil forget this. How could he, when this was now part of their marriage story.
When Phil finally spoke again, it took Dan by surprise.
“Do you still want to marry me?”
“What?” Dan said, looking down at Phil’s watery eyes.
“Do you still want to marry me?” Phil repeated in the same tone.
“Phil, after 15 years and countless ridiculous situations, you think this is what would make me second guess this? I asked you to marry me knowing that you’re the kind of guy who would swallow the engagement ring. Am I still a little baffled that you managed it? Yeah. But maybe I shouldn’t have been so extra.”
“You don’t believe that.”
“No, you’re right. I’ll always choose extra.” Dan laughed, slowly running his hand through Phil’s blond hair.
“I did say yes, already, right?” Phil said, his memory of the day already hazy due to his anxiety.
“You did. And no takesiebacksies.” Dan said, “although I need you to know when you poop that ring out you’re the one digging for it. I love you more than anything, but I don’t love you enough for that.”
“All right, Meatloaf.” Phil giggled, “I’m gonna send you to get me cleaning gloves though.”
“Deal.” Dan replied, “I can’t wait for you to see it. Hope you don’t… think it’s a shit ring.” Dan said, unable to help himself.
Phil groaned.
“How long do I have to listen to jokes like that one. It’s not even good!”
“Maybe I’ll stop once you fish it out of the toilet.” Dan said. “Maybe.”
The next day, Phil was in the bathroom a bit longer than usual, and came out smelling of bleach with a proud grin on his face. There it was, a beautiful but simple gold band. As clean as it could ever be.
“Would you do the honors?” Phil asked, holding the ring out in his palm.
Dan got back down onto one knee, taking the ring from Phil’s hand.
“Phil—”
“Yes! We’ve been over this, yes a million times!”
“Okay! Jeez! Stinky baby gets a stinky wedding ring.” Dan joked.
Phil cocked his head and replied, “I thought the bad jokes were gonna be done!”
“It doesn’t smell like poop! Thank fucking god. It smells like bleach though so my point stands. Anyway, here.” He slipped the ring on Phil’s left ring finger. It fit perfectly.
“It’s wonderful. Thank you. I love you.” Phil said, pulling Dan up and kissing him.
“I love you too. Poop ring boy.”
“Stop it.” Phil said, kissing him again to make sure he did.