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Of course, if anyone could have been off on their own at the party, ducking away from all the festivities with a little plastic cup of juice, wallowing in anti-social angst, it would have been Shadow.
It was no secret the hedgehog wasn’t one for celebrations, or groups, or- I don’t know, fun? But this was different.
Shadow leaned against the trunk of a tree, staring into space as laughter from the picnic echoed somewhere behind him. The party had rapidly changed courses, going from celebrating the birthday of a certain rival of his to the victory against some time monster all within a day, but Shadow wasn’t happy.
He was far from happy.
While the birthday boy in question, Sonic, had been sent down a trip through memory lane, a blast from his past, a sparkling, exciting run of nostalgia, Shadow had seen only pain.
Shadow had lost her again.
It was hard to be happy about anything after such a bleak reminder. Thinking about how she would want him to be happy didn’t help. Pretending everything was normal didn’t help.
Brooding off to the side, away from his figurative friends, didn’t help.
Even so, he felt the need to stand there, to take it all in, to watch the flames rise over and over, burning as hot as the palm in his grip, holding so tight, praying it wouldn’t slip, before that bang took everything away.
He shook his pounding head. He couldn’t stop remembering it. Smoke filled his senses, and his ears rang, and though everything was perfect and green around him, all he saw was red.
He shook his head again, blinking the thoughts away, willing his eyes to stop stinging. He downed the final sip of his drink, only tasting salt as he tossed the cup away.
He’d had one last chance to save her. And he’d failed. Her smiling face, her frail hands, her tiny frame, all faded away into white.
Shadow let out a tiny, pathetic gasp, his vision blurring as his eyes grew warm. He felt the tears fall before he could stop them, and he frantically hurried to wipe them away.
No. Not now. Not here. Not ever.
His breath trembled as he stared down at the twin wet spots in his gloves, the infernal tears streaming from his eyes like stupid, persistent rivers. He leaned his head back against the tree, looking up at the sky through the foliage, before closing his eyes and letting the memories play back again.
Tragedy and failure, that’s all it was. It was pointless to ruminate on it- nothing would change. So why? Why was he just standing there, crying about it, replaying the same memories over and over again like a broken record stuck on loop?
He straightened and pressed his hands into his eyes as he heard soft footsteps in the grass. And then the worst person ever peeked around the trunk.
“Hey, faker! What are you doing all on your…” The blue menace trailed off, meeting Shadow’s eyes.
Shadow stood still long enough for him to tell exactly what was happening, then he was off in a flash, escaping as fast as his skates would take him.
Sonic saw him crying.
Sonic saw him crying.
He was never going to hear the end of it. That infernal hedgehog was probably already returning to the group all smug, ready to tell everyone all about what he just saw.
Or even worse, what if he was pitying him? What if he was chasing after him, trying to corner him down and get to the bottom of his misery?
Shadow didn’t look over his shoulder, just sped off until the world became a blur.
For the next week, Shadow stayed inside, both too drained to do much else, and unwilling to risk running into anyone he knew.
“Sonic told me you were bawling your eyes out at the party, what happened?” Amy’s voice asked in his head. The mere thought had him reeling.
Of course, the bat he begrudgingly called his friend, Rouge, came in every now and then to check on him. He’d never been able to lock her out, no matter how hard he tried. Regardless, a grumpy “I’m fine,” was good enough to ease her concerns, so he was off the hook.
After another week and a bit, he managed to drag himself out, and everything was off-puttingly normal. He ran into Cream and her mom at the park, and Amy at the store, and Espio at the beach, but none of them even looked at him weird, like nothing had been wrong.
But it wasn’t as if he could avoid the root of the problem so easily. Trouble seemed to follow him everywhere, and a certain blue hedgehog loved to chase it. He kept these run-ins brief, fought Sonic off and fled the scene, unable to even meet his eyes.
He couldn’t stand the thought of Sonic nailing him down and finding weakness in him. Couldn’t stand the thought of him taunting him, teasing him, all the other Sonic things he would do.
Sonic was likely offended. Or maybe even more smug, knowing he had something on Shadow? Who knew? He was so stupid and unpredictable.
Almost a month after the party, Shadow was helping Rouge with a heist. Begrudgingly. He’d only agreed to be her getaway driver because he didn’t feel like breaking her out of prison.
He sped down the dark highways upon a sleek black motorcycle. The vehicle was practically his pride and joy, and he’d spend countless hours fine-tuning it and polishing it.
“Ooh, alarms are going off!” said Rouge’s voice from the radio. “Better get out of here! Are you almost at the spot?”
“Just turning onto the one-twenty-three.” The city was a neon blur around him, the wind in his quills making him feel alive for the first time in a good while. The bike roared as he cranked up the speed, searching the sky for the bat thief in question.
“Where are you?” he grumbled, rolling his eyes. “Did you have to change the escape route?”
A sigh. “No, I’m fine. I totally set you up. Sorryyyyyy!” She hung up.
“What-”
Before he could process much else, something crashed into his bike, sending him skidding down the road. He hit the concrete hard, but hurried to pull himself up to deal with whatever this threat of the week was.
“My bad!” came an all too familiar voice. “Wasn’t expecting such a rough landing.”
Sonic stood between Shadow and his bike, offering a hand to help him up.
Shadow glared, standing on his own and taking a few steps back. “What are you doing here?”
“You think I can’t tell when you’re avoiding me?” Sonic eyed him curiously, and he knew. Oh god he knew. “I decided I’d come to you.”
Shadow scoffed and crossed his arms before the blue menace could say anything else. “What can I say? I just didn’t feel like dealing with your pestering and teasing.” There was no point in trying to run from this. He’d deal with it as harshly as he could, to prove there was nothing wrong with him.
“Teasing?”
“Over what happened at the party. I’m sure you’ve just been waiting to get a good jab in.”
To his surprise- or maybe he wasn’t surprised- Sonic looked taken aback. “You seriously think I’d make fun of you for that? You think I’d go that low?”
Shadow stared at him, shoulders slowly rising and falling. “No…not really.”
“If I said anything, it woulda been to make sure you’re okay.” He awkwardly shifted, tapping the toe of his shoe against the ground, clearly trying to appear innocent in the face of the other’s annoyance.
Shadow ducked his head, his quills rising and his ears flicking back. “You ambushed me in the middle of the street, knocked me off my bike, and caught me sobbing like an idiot, and you’re wondering if I’m okay??”
“You weren’t supposed to fall off!” Sonic waved his hands, likely knowing there was very little stopping his cranky spikey friend from storming off. “You’re one of the strongest people I know, Shadow. You’re always putting on this whole silent stoic hero thing, but you don’t have to keep it up. There’s nothing wrong with crying.”
Shadow whirled around, but not because he didn’t want to listen. In truth he did appreciate…whatever Sonic was trying to do, so much so his eyes were beginning to sting once again and he did not want to cry in front of him twice.
“...So…are you okay?”
He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Am I ever?”
Sonic laughed, and it was an easy enough sound to hear that Shadow was able to turn around. “Okay, MCR.” He slung an arm over his shoulder, grinning casually like he’d never been trying to be deep. “I guess I just chased you down ‘cuz I wanted you to know I don’t think you’re lame or anything. I get that it was probably a hard day for you.”
Shadow shrugged him off, stepping away and pretending to assess the damage on his motorcycle.
But Sonic didn’t stop talking. He rarely did. “And you don’t have to tell me what’s up if you don’t wanna. But you’re far from alone, buddy. You don’t gotta bear it all yourself.”
Shadow frowned, taking several deep breaths as he ran a hand over the light scratches in the black paint. He mumbled something through the lump in his throat, just under his breath.
Sonic seemed to hear it just fine. “No problem, Shads.”
“Don’t call me that.” He rightened himself and pulled his bike up, swinging a leg over and climbing aboard. “Well then. I’m sure you’ll be around to bug me again. Until next time, hedgehog.”
“See ya!” He raised a hand and waved, smiling as bright as ever. “And please never avoid me again. That was the worst month of my life!”
Shadow felt himself smirk. It was admittedly nice to return to exchanging quips. “I dunno, I found it kinda nice. Like a vacation.”
“Shadowwwwwww!!!”
“Kidding. Maybe.” He revved up his motorcycle and sped off in a blur, his headlights joining the sea of lights and stars in the city.
When Shadow returned home, he slumped down on the couch and debated whether or not it was too late for a coffee.
He got up and paced around, catching the glint of a pair of sunglasses on the counter. They were Sonic’s. He’d left them the last time he’d invited himself over however long ago.
Maybe he’d been a bit overdramatic. Emotions do that to you. It was annoying. Even so, it was nice to know things were alright for now.
“Sooo, how’d it go?”
Shadow jumped, spinning on his heel and finding Rouge dangling upside-down from the ceiling. “You!”
“What happened with you and Sonic? What did you guys talk about??” She flapped her wings and dropped down from her perch, circling him excitedly.
“I ask the questions here! You betrayed me!” He clenched his fists, nose wrinkling with annoyance.
“That is a very strong word.”
“You lured me into the city so that foul hedgehog could ambush me!” he hissed, crossing his arms.
“You’ve been sulking for literal weeks! I didn’t know what was wrong with you, but I assumed it had something to do with Sonic because he came to me saying you’ve been avoiding him.”
“What did he tell you?” Shadow snapped suspiciously too quickly.
“Barely anything, that’s why I’m here now.”
He froze, his ears perking up. “He didn’t say anything?”
“No!” She made a wild gesture with her hands, seemingly starving for gossip. “He said he was worried about you, and I was worried too, so I helped him corner you!”
He hummed, smiling just a little bit. That hedgehog really had kept it all to himself. Hadn’t told a soul. “Well, too bad for you. It’s our little secret.”
“Noooooo!” she wailed dramatically.
“Yessssss,” he mocked. “Now you can tell me how the hell you got in, because I have like, three locks on every door and window.”
“That’s a secret of my own!” she chirped. “You don’t seriously think a lock can stop me, do you?”
He sighed. “I suppose not. Now please get out, I’d like to go to bed now.”
“Fiiiine.” She sighed in return and trudged towards the door, but Shadow stopped her.
“Oh, Rouge. Um…” He frowned, looking away. “I appreciate your concern.”
A big grin creeped onto her face. “Awwww!”
“No. Stop. Leave now. Bye.”
“But! But!” she protested as he pushed her out the door, locking it with several clicks.
Then he went about his usual routine, washing his face and straightening his sheets, before looking out the window at the sparkling night sky.
The stars always brought back memories, both good and bad. But right then, he thought about her, and how she must be glad that he has such caring friends.