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"Whoa!" Buck says after he presses the green button under Eddie's name. "This is just a Facetime call. No need to get all dressed up for me."
A thousand miles and two timezones away, Eddie's eyes flutter closed as he laughs. Buck isn't foolish enough to deny the near euphoric feeling he gets every time they do this. These days he feels like he has to constantly seek out distractions to keep his mind off its usual track - an endless mantra of Eddie Eddie Eddie - until they can get on the phone again. They can't do this everyday; those busy twenty-four hour shifts don't always allow it, not when the only down time Buck has comes around after midnight, but it's enough for right now. It has to be.
The pixels on his phone screen betray him by dampening the brightness of Eddie's eyes. It's one of the things he misses the most about his best friend.
"It's not for you, idiot," Eddie chides him, but not a single note in his voice sounds sincere. "I just got home."
Buck's in a good mood, but he still hears that little voice inside him that was birthed from his broken heart snarl at Eddie's use of the word home.
His home isn't the hideous fixer-upper he, in Buck’s honest opinion, spent too much money on, in El Paso. Home should still be the house Buck sits in now where the smell of him clings to every wall.
Home isn't a place at all, Buck is starting to realize, but that's something he's not willing to unpack just yet.
Buck tilts his head at the screen. "What, from like a job interview? It's late where you are, isn't it?" He says this like the second saved clock on his phone hasn't been El Paso since the day he watched Eddie's truck turn the corner.
"No," Eddie shakes his head, holding Buck's gaze through the phone for a long second before looking away. "I, uh, I went on a date."
"A date!?" If Buck was more self aware, he'd recognize the mix of shock-jealousy-heartbreak all duking it out in his head, boosting his heart rate. Right now, he's only surprised Eddie would even have the time to find someone with everything else going on in his life. And that only makes him feel worse about himself. Buck can't even spend one night alone without falling into bed with his ex, and Eddie is dating?
"Yeah, it's crazy, actually," Eddie says, gesturing vaguely. He hasn't stopped smiling. "I was out getting groceries and I ran into someone I went to high school with. We got to talking and next thing I know, I've got a date scheduled."
"Just like that?"
Eddie looked just as surprised as Buck feels. "I know! We weren't really close when we were kids, but after Shannon got pregnant, then the wedding, and...yeah. I lost touch with a lot of people. So, reconnecting with some of them since I've been back has been nice."
Nice. Buck's hand clenches offscreen where Eddie can't see. The jealousy is raging now like a beast, taking pieces from his insides and tearing them to shreds as it roars and rages. But he can't tell Eddie how he really feels, not now, not after all the sacrifices he's made to get back to Christopher. When Buck smiles at the camera, it feels incredibly forced.
"That - that's great, man." Wince. "I'm so happy for you."
Eddie's own smile falters a bit, and for a second he looks like he wants to say more, ducking his head in thanks, chewing on his bottom lip, but instead he leans back, moving the phone with him, and sighs.
"Anyway, what's new with you?"
Buck hates that his knee-jerk reaction is to lie. It just slips out of him. "Uh, nothing. Same old, you know?"
"Maddie doing okay?"
"Yeah, she's holding up."
"Good, good." He sits with that for a second. Eddie props the phone on something and rests with his chin in his hand. There's a picture behind him that Buck recognizes. It used to hang in the bathroom. Buck hates seeing on that mustard colored wall and thinks about how he can tell Eddie this when he interrupts with, "So, did Cap replace me yet?"
That gets a smile tugging at Buck's lips. He fears he's getting emotional whiplash. "You know you can't be replaced."
Eddie's eyes lift skyward, looking smug. "Oh, I know. Who is it, though? Have you made out with them yet?"
"No! And I didn't - that was - shut up."
His face blooms scarlet and Eddie laughs at him, hard enough that camera slips sideways and half his face disappears from view. Buck is floating, struck dumb by how beautiful Eddie is this way.
"Your replacement, at least for now, is Ravi, by the way. Bobby got him transferred."
Eddie reappears, pink-cheeked and glowing. "No way! That's awesome. Tell him I said hi, and that he can text me the next time you start driving him crazy. I know better than anyone what being your partner can be like."
"Thanks, for that. And I'm not saying any of that to him," Buck says. He huffs a laugh, holding up one finger in front of the camera. "In fact, he might already be completely sick of me."
"Oh, no."
"Oh, yes. I was told by Maddie that I needed to make new friends, so I invited him out for drinks. Worst mistake I could've made."
"What's so bad about Ravi? I'm sure he's fine, once you get to know him better."
"Yeah, no, it's not him. I think after the night we had, he's not going to be jumping at the chance to see me again outside of work."
Eddie made a face. "What did you do?"
"In my defense, I'd had a lot of tequila."
"Quarters?"
"Yeah."
Eddie, the dick, cackles. He’s enjoying this way too much. And here Buck thought he could get a little sympathy. As Eddie catches his breath, Buck bends a little, takes a chance.
Buck rubs the back of his neck. His skin is hot to the touch. "And I kinda couldn't stop talking about my best friend. Right after he worked a shift where everyone kept calling him Eddie. I see where I went wrong now."
Now, Eddie makes a sympathetic humming noise. Buck can feel the vibration of the sound through his fingers. He casts his eyes down so that Buck can only see his dark irises. A hand comes up, slowly scratching the side of his face.
"It's funny you say that," he says. His voice has gone so soft Buck thumbs the volume up, his heart in his throat. "My date tonight ended early because I too would not shut up about the amazing guy I apparently couldn't get over. And he didn't enjoy being used as a rebound. Or at least that's how he put it."
Buck didn't hear that right, right? He realizes his mouth has fallen open, a few seconds too late. He scarcely dares to breathe.
"He -? Wait, you were on a date with a - a guy?"
Eddie cocks his head, quirks his mouth. "That's the part of the conversation you're focusing on?"
His self control slips. Buck runs his tongue over his suddenly paper-dry lips. "I - I slept with Tommy," he blurts.
"Whoa," Eddie says, and looks genuinely shocked. "Um. Like, recently?"
Buck looks at the ceiling. He's not strong enough to do this to Eddie's face, not yet, but he can't hold it in. If Eddie were here, they'd have talked about it. He'd have gone to him first. If Tommy hadn't have accused him of pining after his best friend. Buck’s not so sure of anything, anymore. Without Eddie, lately, he feels like he's navigating through life missing a part of himself. He can't function. He hasn't been himself.
And Eddie apparently is in the same boat.
"Yes. Ravi used him as a tactic to escape the bar that night. And then the next morning we talked about getting back together. He only seemed interested because he thought his competition was gone."
Eddie is quiet long enough to wonder if his connection is bad. But the picture of Eddie blinks a few times before coming alive again. "That's - kinda shitty of him to say."
He heaves a sigh. "Yeah. We fought about it. Then he left."
"As he should've."
What Tommy said about Eddie friend-dumping him comes back to mind. He thinks he understands now, and it is no less shocking than everything else he's been through this week.
Buck's eyes flick towards the screen. It's hard to determine Eddie's body language this way, when he can only see him from the shoulders up. But Eddie has that look on his face that means he's serious, and for once, Buck has no idea how to go forward from here. He swallows nervously, trying not to betray the fact that he's nervous at all. For whatever reason, Eddie looks as cool as a cucumber, even though he's just confessed two reality shattering things in quick succession: one, that he dates men, and two, he's just as fucked up about Buck as Buck is about him.
"Wait a second, Tommy's the one that left?"
Buck nods.
"So..." Eddie gives him a wide eyed look he can't read so well. "You didn't go back to his...?"
Somehow, this isn't any easier over the phone. Buck's breath stutters out of him. "No, he went home with me."
"You - in my room."
”Technically, I’m paying for it now.”
He can't bring himself to say sorry. It's a shock to learn that he doesn't even feel remorse.
Maybe that hideous part of him had wanted it all along. His choice of words, how he'd suggested Tommy come home with him, thinking of him in Eddie's bedroom - he was lashing out. Fucking Tommy in Eddie's house, in his bedroom after Eddie drove off into the sunset without him and leaving him behind, had been his way of getting back at Eddie for breaking his heart. Because Tommy was right. He'd seen it all along.
"Sounds like I'm not the only one with rebounding issues," Buck finally says. In the stark silence that follows, he notices the echo of his words down the hall. Even with the furniture placed nearly identical to how Eddie arranged his, the house doesn't even sound the same without him.
He's clenching his mid-section so tightly it's starting to hurt. Buck waits to see if Eddie will get mad, chew him out, curse Tommy. He kind of wants it. At least it'll be something different. Some emotion is better than none at all.
It's not nothing.
Instead, Eddie's face softens. His eyes are slightly unfocused. "I was the competition."
"Yeah."
"What did you say to him? I mean, you said you'd argued. He left. What did you say?"
The adamance in his voice knocks him off-kilter a bit.
"I told him I didn't sleep with every person I had feelings for, and vice-versa."
Eddie digests this for a moment. "Oh."
"Yeah. Not my finest moment. And my argument was that you were straight, which now I guess isn't true, so I look even more like an idiot."
Eddie's laughter is soft. The kind he usually reserves for moments like this when Buck sets himself up as the butt of the joke and he doesn't agree with it but he puts up with him anyway. Because he -
Because he loves him.
"I'm such an idiot."
One of his stupidly expensive throw pillow catches Buck so that he doesn't knock himself out on the hard edge of the couch. Part of him wishes it had. Aware of Eddie still on the line, he holds the phone up at arm's length.
"Don't beat yourself up," he tells Buck, sounding amused. "I think we've both been acting like idiots."
He situates himself so they can see each other better. Eddie's got that gentle curl to his mouth that makes Buck feel something equivalent to the male version of swooning. That feeling has always been there; only now does he understand where it even comes from.
Neither man says anything for a while. Eddie just watches him, his head still propped up in his hand, a terrible fondness filling his eyes.
"Are you going to see that guy again?" Buck asks.
Eddie lets out a snort. "Hell no."
"Good." He waits a beat to see how Eddie reacts to that. His lips part, just the smallest fraction, but its enough to notice on the small screen. "In fact, don't see anyone else."
Eddie is schooling his expression. They're in unfamiliar territory now. Buck's tongue peeks out to wet his lips again, and Eddie's dark eyes track the movement. His eyebrow twitches, just the slightest bit upward.
"Okay," he says, like it's that easy. Buck wishes he were here, suddenly. He wants to put his hands in his hair, he wants to bite the scar on his lip, he wants -
Mad rush of blood to the head. Buck reels. Jesus Christ.
"Can I call you tomorrow?"
"You can call me whenever you want."
"Nah," Buck says. "That'll just make me look desperate."
Eddie laughs again. Buck aches, and aches.
Every time their eyes fixate on each other, Buck sees something new. A smoldering heat behind Eddie’s cooper-rich eyes, the suggestive tilt of his brow. Then there are the things Buck has always seen, but never had a label for. Like the barely there smile Eddie always wears when he talks to him. His Buck smile. It creases the corners of his eyes, and he feels grateful to a higher power he can’t define to be able to watch those lines deepen as the years pass them by.
Eddie has always been the someone he saw himself growing old with. Maybe now he can have that, have him, all to himself.
A clock chimes in the background. Buck momentarily forgets the sound is coming from Eddie’s side. That clock hangs in Eddie’s kitchen now, not his.
”It’s late,” Eddie says now with a soft sigh. “I’ll let you sleep on it. Think about - about us.”
With a surprisingly even voice, Buck tells him, “I don’t really think I need to, anymore.”
His Buck smile returns, tender and just for him. “Goodnight, Buck.”
He breathes out nice and slow. For once, his heartbeat feels steady, sure. He hasn’t felt this calm possibly since he first caught Eddie looking at that real estate website. Maybe things would be okay, after all. They just had to put some work into it, but Buck had full faith. Faith in them, together, and Christopher. His family.
“Goodnight, Eddie.”
The call disconnects, and Buck feels…fine. Maybe a little giddy, like a teenager after passing their crush a handwritten note, but the headrush is minimal. It’s not until the next morning that he realizes for the first time in his new place, he hadn’t dreaded going to sleep.