Work Text:
“Dude, we are so back,” Shidou sang into the phone, head bobbing as he spoke. His lips curled back in a massive grin. He was practically skipping down the sidewalk, much to the annoyance of those passing by.
He couldn't bring himself to care, even when they shot him glares. Today was a day of celebration.
“Back from what? Jail?” Aiku asked, eyeing him carefully through the screen, “Last time you were this happy, you'd stolen that guinea pig.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me. I miss that guy.”
“She was a girl,” the other corrected, “and you’re the moron who didn't shoplift food, or a cage. Surprised she stayed as long as she did.” Aiku moved out of view of the camera. Ryusei faintly heard the sound of a drawer opening.
“Potatoe, poh-tah-toe,” Shidou scoffed, face scrunching in the small window. “Anyways, that’s not what this is about.”
“Please, put me out of my misery.”
“I picked up the ring today!”
That statement made Aiku pause, face finding his phone once more.
“Like, the engagement ring, ring?”
“No, like a cock ring, had it sized too. The lady screamed when I pulled my pants down.”
“Shut the fuck up,” he gruffed, moving to the stove. “I’ll hang up, then you'll have nobody to annoy with your insane wedding plans.”
“Rude, I have other friends,” Shidou squawked, kicking a rock forward with his left foot. He winced when it tumbled into the bike lane. Oh well. “And ‘insane’? You said a confetti cannon was, and I quote,” he paused for dramatic effect, “a ‘super unique idea’!”
“Oh, it’s unique alright.”
“Fuck off.” Shidou checked the time, realizing it wouldn’t be long before Rin would be getting off work. “You’re just jealous I’m beating you to the altar.”
“If he says ‘yes’,” Aiku flicked the burner on, “Which would be the worst decision ever. Couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with you.” Aiku shivered, “Three years of undergrad was plenty.”
“He’s gonna say ‘yes’. I know he will.”
“Why are you so sure? Remember your anniversary?”
“You’re an ass for bringing that up. How was I supposed to know it was a fucking swingers cruise?” he scoffed. Against his will, images of saggy asses flashed behind his eyes. Shidou shivered, shaking the memories from his mind. “I know he’s gonna say ‘yes’ because I got him the best engagement ring ever.”
“Doubt that,” the other replied, pan now sizzling quietly in the background. “You and what money? You owe me like, several hundred dollars.”
“Yeah, and I’m gonna pay you back, bro, you know I’m good for it.” The blonde waved his hand casually.
“You literally aren’t.”
“You’re really ruining my moment.”
“Whatever, just show it to me.” Aiku’s face approached the screen.
“Show you what?”
“The ring, dumbass.” The older rolled his eyes, stirring the contents of the skillet.
“Oh,” Shidou scanned his surroundings, “but I’m in public.”
“So? I’m asking you to show me a ring, not whip your dick out,” Aiku paused, “not like you wouldn’t do that anyways.”
“Yeah, but that’s just my cock. This is like, serious. And expensive.” Shidou whispered the last bit, just in case anyone was listening in.
“Then why the fuck did you FaceTime me?” the other groaned, “C'mon, I wanna see it. Need to know what not to get Isagi.”
“Fine! Fine!” He conceded, throwing a hand up in surrender as he slowed his pace. He slung his bag off his shoulder, rifling through it with his unoccupied hand until he located the black velvet box. Shidou tapped the screen, flipping the camera to show off the package. “Ta-da!”
“You gonna open it?”
“Gimme a second. Shit's hard to do with one hand,” he huffed, struggling with the opening— stupid fancy jewelry box.
“That’s what she said.”
“Real mature,” the blonde scoffed, “can you be serious? Trying to have a grown-up conversation here.” The box latch finally gave way under his struggles. “Aha!”
The ring was surprisingly simple. In the center was a beautiful, oval-cut diamond set in prongs against a sleek, simple platinum band. Ryusei had it engraved with their names, though that wasn’t visible from this angle. It was elegant, classy, and every other synonym for refined.
It reminded him of Rin.
“So?” Shidou prompted anxiously, still walking slowly, “what’ya think?”
“It’s actually…not awful,” Aiku replied, studying the screen.
“Right? Do you think it’s too sm– ah!” Ryusei’s foot suddenly caught against the pavement. Too quickly, the ground rose to meet him. Instinctively, he flung his hands out to break his fall. His bag slid off his shoulder, landing somewhere out of view. His phone clattered to the left as his palm scraped against the concrete.
His right hand landed awkwardly, his wrist catching at a bad angle. The box crushed under him as his full body weight crashed down.
Shidou was helpless to do anything but watch as the ring dislodged from the velvet. It bounced once, twice, then disappeared over the curb. He moved, hurtling himself after it as best he could manage. He scanned the asphalt, patting the ground frantically in search of the shiny object.
His hand brushed up against metal, and his heart dropped. He closed his eyes, prayed to whatever god may be above, and peered into the opening.
To his absolute horror, the ring sat at the bottom of the storm drain, light reflecting off the diamond. He contemplated crawling a few feet further, letting a car just flatten him and put him out of his misery.
“Shidou? Shidou?”
The blonde popped his head up curiously, wondering if his guardian angel had come to prevent him from ending it all.
“Ryusei? Hello?”
No guardian angel, just Oliver Aiku shouting through his phone speakers.
Shidou crawled slowly back to the discarded phone. The screen had a few added hairline fractures, but nothing serious.
“Shidou?” Aiku called again. Shidou met his gaze on the screen and tilted the camera to show his position on the ground. “Dude, you good?”
“No,” he groaned, flopping back over. He was still lying on the dirty sidewalk, but he had bigger issues right now. “You’ll never guess what just happened. I'm gonna kill myself.”
“What happened? Is the ring okay?”
Shidou laughed, humorless and dry. “Is the ring okay?” he mocked. He crawled back over to the grate, flipping the camera back around and positioning it through the open slats. “Does it look like it’s okay?”
Aiku let out a loud, barking laugh before quickly cutting it off. “I’m sorry, man, that’s not funny.” He chuckled again, “Well, maybe a little. But not the ‘ha-ha’ kind of funny.”
“What am I gonna do?” he asked, genuinely looking for an answer. “You know what I had to do to get that ring? I got a fake ID so I could donate plasma 3 times a week!” He flopped onto his back, not bothering to move his phone, "Sold a bunch of shit too. Now it’s all just gone– literally down the drain.”
The older sighed into the phone, and the sound of dishes clanging rang out faintly in the background. “Where are you?"
Shidou tilted his neck up, quickly reading off the nearest street signs.
“Okay, I’ll be there in ten.”
“What?” Ryusei asked, grabbing the phone once more. “Why?”
“To help you?” The other was a blur on the video feed, “unless you don’t want me to?”
Shidou hummed, letting his head thunk back down onto the concrete, “whatever.”
-
Aiku, true to his word, arrived nine minutes later, chest heaving with deep breaths. He stood over Shidou, looking down at him with a grimace.
“Why the fuck are you laying in the road?”
“Gee, you know, it’s just so comfy,” Shidou mocked, “obviously because I’m upset!”
Aiku huffed and kicked his hip, “Get up.”
The blonde groaned, rolling onto his side. “Just leave me here to die.”
“If I do that, Isagi will kill me. Get up.”
“Fine,” Shidou whined, tucking his knees and pushing himself to a seated position. Aiku extended a hand out, which he slapped to the side. He could do this himself, thank you very much.
He noticed the small toolbag in Aiku’s other hand. Hopefully, something inside could retrieve the ring and revive his spirits. He remembered his own bag, which must have fallen sometime during the incident. He quickly located it, the bright pattern sticking out against the curb.
Though he wasn’t sure what he had in there that could be remotely helpful. It was mostly just art supplies, an assortment of haircare products, and miscellaneous junk.
“Here,” Aiku held a ball of thin wire in his outstretched hand. “It's fishing line," he explained, "even got a hook. If we drop it down there, we can probably snag it. Then you can quit moping, and I can get back to my dinner.”
Shidou perked up visibly at his words. He knew he kept Oliver around for a reason, and it sure wasn’t his charming personality or boyish smile.
They huddled around the grate, heads knocking together as they looked between the bars. The ring caught the light, practically winking up at them. Aiku held the string out, letting it dangle between them. Slowly, he began to lower it.
“Don’t worry, baby! Daddy’s gonna get you out!” Shidou shouted in encouragement.
“Don’t call me that.” The older tilted his head, gauging the position of the hook. They were within striking distance now.
“I wasn’t taking about you,” Ryusei corrected, irritated at his assumption. “Clearly, I’m its daddy. I bought it.”
“And you took real good care of it. Father of the year.”
“I’ll be a great dad,” he said confidently. “This is just a slip-up, I’m usually more responsible.”
Aiku snorted, “Responsible? I wouldn’t trust you with a pet rock. Mix of your genes and Rin’s? Forget parenting, that kid never stood a chance.“
“I'm sure we’ll find out soon. Though, in 20 years, when you finally ask Isagi to marry you, your balls will be too shriveled to get him pregnant.” Shidou laughed at his joke, knowing he was pushing it, but unable to stop himself from adding, “Don’t worry, I’ll knock him up for you! Free of charge!”
All of a sudden, his head slammed backwards violently, pain blooming through his jaw. He had no time to recover before a second blow landed in his lower ribs.
“You lost your fucking mind?” Aiku fisted the fabric of his shirt, nearly lifting him off the ground. “Don’t even think about touching him,” he snarled, “hell, don’t think about him, period.”
Shidou held his hands up in mock surrender, “Okay, geez, damn. It was just a joke.” Oliver didn’t look convinced. “Sue a guy for trying to lighten the mood.”
This time, Aiku punched him square in the gut.
“Lighten the mood? I'll knock your teeth out!"
“Please, can you wait until after the wedding? Don’t wanna be all gummy at the altar.” Shidou paused, his words jogging his memory. He registered Aiku’s hands, both gripping his shirt. He noted his own hands, still held up in caution. Notably, neither of them held the fishing line.
Oliver seemed to come to the same conclusion. In sync, they both slowly looked down.
The ring sat at the bottom of the drain. Though now it was accompanied by a silver fishing hook and a pile of wire.
“Fuck.” Shidou closed his eyes, hoping an errant semi truck would blow a tire and flatten him to death.
“Fuck indeed.” Aiku released his hold on his shirt. He stepped back with a sigh.
“Well, what else you got in your bag of tricks, Mary Poppins?”
“Mainly just tools,” the other scratched the back of his neck, “really thought we’d just need the wire. I can check, though.”
Shidou knelt and curled his hand around the bars. He tugged, testing the metal’s strength. “Unless you’ve got a jackhammer in there, I don’t see us getting through this.” He pulled again for good measure.
“Why don’t we call the city?”
“Are you stupid? They won’t drill half the sidewalk apart just for me.”
“They might be able to do something.”
“It’d cost them more to get it out than the damn thing’s worth,” Shidou scoffed, his irritation starting to boil back up. “I’ll get that ring out, without your help or anyone else’s.”
“Dude, calm down.”
“Calm down? It’s your fault I’m in this mess to begin with!” Shidou scowled, staring down at the ring. “Shidou, take the ring out so I can make fun of you! Shidou, why’d you even call me if you weren’t going to show it to me?” He mocked, knuckles going white as he gripped the bars. “Without your instigating ass, that ring would still be in its box, and I’d be at home jerking off or watching Animal Planet.”
Aiku sighed, letting Shidou’s anger hit him and roll off. He understood his frustration, even if he was outwardly unsympathetic. He knelt and perched on the curb, propping his head up on his fist, thinking.
“We’ll figure it out.” He pulled his toolbag over and began rummaging through it.
Shidou took a deep breath, years of anger management bouncing around in his head as he attempted to calm himself. He sighed and sat back on his haunches, staring down at the thousands of dollars he’d accidentally tossed away.
This wasn’t about the ring to him, not really. The charge on his credit card statement had made his soul hurt, but money would come back. Even though the ring itself was not a one-of-a-kind find, he’s sure he could Google the manufacturer and order another one right now.
He had just wanted this to go well–he needed it to. This was the first step towards the rest of his life with someone he loved. Dropping the ring made him feel like such a screw-up, like maybe he wasn’t built for the whole marriage and settling down thing. He couldn’t even get the proposal right. How was he supposed to do the rest?
He couldn’t help but consider it a bad omen.
“How about this?”
Shidou whipped his head over to see Oliver holding up a pocket knife. He flicked the end with his thumb, revealing a corkscrew attachment. “Worth a shot,” he added, shrugging.
“How're we gonna get it down there?”
“Dunno, you got anything?”
“Oh fuck, my purse!” Shidou gasped, crawling over to where he’d stashed it. He began to rummage through it wildly, flinging garbage and oddities alike over his shoulder.
“I hate that thing,” Aiku commented, disgust lacing his tone, “why can’t you just carry a normal bag?”
“What’s wrong with it?” The bag was camo, with pink accents and a rhinestone buckle. Shidou had found it at the thrift store and absolutely had to have it.
“You know what’s wrong with it. It’s so–”
“Aha!” Ryusei shouted, cutting the other off. “This'll work!” He held up a strand of yarn, frayed slightly at one end.
“I don’t know, man, looks a little short.”
“That’s what she said,” Shidou joked, spirits lifting with his discovery, “the key is how you use it.”
“We’re not talking about cocks. That string won’t get longer no matter how you use it.”
The blonde ignored his negativity, grabbing the pocket knife from his hand with a smirk. “Well, you haven’t seen me use it.”
Aiku rolled his eyes but followed Shidou back to the grate.
Shidou tied the yarn off in a knot and began to lower it down through the opening. He knelt down, trying to gauge the distance. It was close, just a few more inches, and the corkscrew would catch around the band.
The keyword being close.
“It’s not long enough. I told you.” Aiku huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.
“No, no, c’mon, we’re so close.” The knife dangled just out of reach. “Just a little…further.” Shidou wedged his hand between the metal bars, reaching desperately for another inch.
He was so close, he could practically taste it. He pushed, attempting to gain another inch, but he was unsuccessful.
Panicking, he tried pulling his hand back. It didn’t budge. He wiggled his wrist, trying to find movement in any direction. Instead, dull pain radiated down his arm.
“Dude,” Shidou groaned, accepting his fate, “I’m stuck.”
“What do you mean you’re stuck?”
“Is there some other meaning of ‘stuck’? I can’t fucking move.”
Aiku knelt, inspecting Shidou’s hand, which had turned red from the effort. “Damnit! How'd you even do that?”
“What can I say? I’m good at getting into tight spots.” The blonde tugged his hand, harder this time, the string still dangling from his grip. He cast a glance at the other, “You just gonna stand there and look stupid, or are you gonna help?”
The older seemed to think about it for a second before sighing. “Fine, but after this we’re calling someone.”
“Yeah, yeah, just pull me out.”
Oliver moved behind the blonde, sliding his forearms under the other’s armpits.
“Gross, dude, you’re sweaty.”
“My bad, next time I’m having a crisis, I’ll make sure I freshen up.” Shidou mocked as Aiku started to pull. “I’ve got some Old Spice in my purse.”
“Stop calling it a purse,” he groaned, resetting his stance for more leverage before pulling again. “It makes me hate you more than I already do.”
“It’s because you’re homophobic.” Ryusei pushed with his legs, gritting his teeth against the pain. He pressed his free hand against the concrete for more leverage, “C’mon, pull”.
They heaved, both grunting with the effort. The absurd scene made many stop and stare as they passed by, wondering what was going on. Their shenanigans had gathered a small crowd.
“I don’t hate you because you’re gay,” Aiku huffed, adjusting his grip as they both began to pull again. Shidou finally felt his hand begin to slip free of its confines. “I hate you because you’re a fa-”
Suddenly and without warning, they were both flung backwards. Ryusei had no time to celebrate his newly freed appendage before they collided with something behind them.
Or, more accurately, someone.
A high-pitched squeal sounded as they all collapsed into a pile of limbs against the sharp curb. He had barely opened his eyes before he felt something cold and wet splash down his arm.
Shidou watched in horror as an entire cup carrier of large iced coffees smashed into the ground in front of him.
Thankfully for the city, they had designed the drainage system to deal with such a mishap. The cement flowed downwards at the perfect angle, directing the tidal wave of light brown liquid straight towards the grate.
Aiku, who was busy profusely apologizing to the sobbing woman, failed to notice the emergency at hand. Shidou, who was still half buried under them both, could only scream as he watched coffee pour through the open slots of the drain.
“No!” he yelled, thrashing wildly. “No, no, no!”
The weight on his back suddenly shifted, and he instantly hurled himself forward. He inhaled, knowing what he would find, but needing to check anyway.
Just as he suspected, the ring was no longer down there.
Footsteps scraped the ground beside him, but he couldn't find the energy to turn. It didn't matter, he knew it was Aiku.
The other hovered for a moment before sighing and sitting down. Shidou felt a hand clap itself on his back in a manner he assumed was supposed to be comforting.
“I'm sorry, dude.”
Ryusei flipped onto his back, flinching as the sun blinded him. He squinted at Aiku, barely able to make out his expression.
They sat in silence for a moment, for once neither had anything to say.
“Gave that lady a $20 for those lattes,” he sighed, “she wasn't too mad about it.”
“Good for her.” Shidou wiped a hand down his face, sighing heavily. He closed his eyes, the faint smell of coffee lingering around them.
“Know the return policy on that ring?” Aiku prompted, nudging him with the tip of his shoe.
“Dunno,” he replied earnestly, “but I doubt an iced coffee-related sewer tsunami is covered.”
Aiku snorted a laugh. “Never know until you try.”
“Think they'll believe me?”
“Not a chance.” The older stood, wiping sediment from his pants. He extended a hand towards him, a crooked smile on his lips, “But stranger things have happened.”
Shidou grabbed the offered hand and stood, sighing as he stretched. He glanced at the other and shook his head, snorting a laugh of his own.
“Stranger things indeed.”
-
Shidou pushed open the door of the jewelry store, head hanging low in shame. He had prepared his speech on the way over, hoping to either gain the pity of the clerk or at least annoy her into giving him a discount.
He thought maybe he'd try the car accident route. He debated asking a friend of his to borrow their wheelchair to complete the bit. He ultimately decided he couldn't accrue any more bad karma, and faking a disability from a pretend car accident seemed like tempting fate.
“Don’t you have anything that isn’t gaudy?” a familiar voice scoffed. Shidou snapped his head up, eyes wide as he took in the sight of his boyfriend tearing into the saleswoman. He appeared to be the only one in the store. “I thought this place would have a better selection, especially with these prices.”
Ryusei panicked internally, not wanting Rin to see him, but also not wanting his future fiancée to get kicked out, or worse, arrested.
“Sir, if you’d prefer, I can give you our luxury catalogue. We could express order those items to the store without the shipping charge.” The associate spoke slowly, cautiously, like one might attempt to talk down a bear.
“I’d prefer if you would do your job and get me a ring that doesn’t look like sh–”
“Honey!” Shidou cut him off before he could finish, wrapping his arms around him from behind. “Did you miss me?”
“What the? Why are you here?” Rin hissed, trying to fight his way out of Shidou’s grip. “You’re ruining it.”
“Excuse him,” Shidou relayed to the associate, who looked ready to quit on the spot, “He’s just such a perfectionist. I think it all started in his childhood, you see, his parents never oomph–”
Rin elbowed him hard beneath his ribs. He pried Shidou’s hands off his midsection and turned to face him.
“Turn around, and walk out of here.” His face was red, embarrassment and anger fighting for dominance over his features. He tapped his foot impatiently, expecting Shidou to immediately obey. “Now!”
“Could we have a second, ma’am?” the blonde asked the saleswoman, who quickly fled somewhere out of view. “Thanks!” he called after her.
“So?” Rin prompted, “Why are you here?”
“Why are you here?” Shidou retorted, “You know you’re not supposed to propose to me, silly.”
“And why not?” the younger snapped. “And who said I was proposing to you, stupid? Why would I want to marry you?”
“Because,” Ryusei sang, hands finding Rin’s hips again, “you’re the girl, duh. You’re supposed to get proposed to, not do the proposing.” He thought for a second, pursing his lips, “though I guess feminists nowadays say you can do whatever.”
“I am not a fucking girl, Ryusei,” Rin seethed, fists clenched and shaking by his sides, “I’m a grown man!”
“Sure,” Shidou stepped forward, trapping him against the glass case, “but you're pretty like a girl.” He tucked a piece of Rin’s hair behind his ears, leaning in to add “especially when I’ve got you bent over and spread op–”
“Shut up!” he hissed, shoving Shidou away the best he could. The blonde allowed it, stepping back with his hands up in surrender. “We’re in public, you freak!”
“My bad,” Shidou apologized, though the smirk on his face betrayed any pretense of sincerity. “You may not be a girl, but you're my girl! So that means I do the kneeling and the proposing, and you do the shocked gasping and wearing of the ring.”
Rin scoffed, turning away from him to stare daggers into the jewelry case. He spoke, softer this time, “I wanted to do it. I’m sick of waiting.” He glanced back at the older, “But here you are, stealing my idea.”
“Aww, baby,” Ryusei draped himself over his boyfriend, chin resting on his shoulder, “I’m sick of waiting, too.”
Rin hummed, body relaxing in his grip as they swayed slowly. They were alone in the store, and while Shidou suspected that was the only reason he indulged him with this rare display of PDA, he wasn’t going to complain.
“So, what took you so long?” he prompted, flashing a teal eye at Shidou over his shoulder.
“Well it took forever to get the damn thing engraved,” the blonde placed a kiss under the other’s ear, “plus, the size I needed had to be special ordered.”
Rin raised an eyebrow at him. “What are you talking about? You mean you weren’t here to pick one out? You already bought one?”
“I bought it weeks ago. I just came to pick it up today.”
“Oh”
“Can’t believe you’d doubt me, Rin-Rin!” Shidou squeezed him, taking a deep inhale, nose filling with the scent of shampoo and expensive cologne. He leaned in, nipping another kiss, this time along his jaw.
“So can I see it?” Rin prompted, turning fully in his grip. He bit his lip, hands coming to rest on Ryusei’s shoulders.
Shidou lost himself in his features, in the high angles of his cheekbones, the elegant slope of his nose, the long curl of his lashes– so lovestruck he could only reply dumbly, “Uh, sure.”
“Really?”
The blonde’s brain thankfully reconnected. “Yeah, when I propose.”
Rin scoffed, rolling his eyes. He let his hands slide off Ryusei’s shoulders and took a step back.
“Then I'd better leave. Knowing you, you’ll ambush me within the next 24 hours, and my cuticles are atrocious.”
“Aww, you know me so well,” Shidou nearly swooned, heart exploding with affection as Rin headed for the door. He called after him, unable to resist, “And your cuticles are cutie-ful!”
The moment was nearly perfect, all the stress of the day practically forgotten. Maybe all hope wasn’t lost. Rin was practically out the door, and he was none the wiser to the earlier incident.
“Sir?” a different saleswoman interjected, poking her head out from a different back room. Shidou grimaced, recognizing her as the one who had helped him earlier in the day. The other associate was probably still in her hiding spot. “Back already? Was the ring not to your partner’s liking?”
Shidou swore he heard Rin’s head whip around at her words. He sighed, the defeat of the day had finally worn him to the bone. He didn’t even look up when the clicky footsteps approached him.
“Ryusei,” his boyfriend prompted, voice so cold that Shidou shivered. Rin closed in on lethal range, “What’s she talking about? I thought you said you were here to pick up the ring?”
“You know,” he sighed, tilting his head back and letting the fluorescents wash over him, “it’s actually a pretty funny story.”