Chapter Text
The lights, the attention, the drama, the intensity, the fulfilment, the validation.
That’s what she was going to miss the most. The way she could float across a stage and command the attention of every single person without verbalising it.
A younger Madeline Ashton would attract the wrong attention, not always through her own doing. Never taken seriously and always considered an easy lay. With her long blonde hair, wide blue eyes and perfectly pouty lips, she was popular in school, but it was mostly a result of what boys thought they could take from her rather than genuine interest in her life. It was a girl eat girl world, and she did what had to do that was necessary to survive.
So she’d made it her mission to leave everything behind. Start again somewhere new. She went to college, met the girl who would become her best friend forever (quite literally), and embark on an acting career to prove to everyone that she was so much more than a pretty face.
There may have been many questionable situations she’d found herself in, in order to kick start her career. You were naive to think a girl could get her big break on talent and merit alone…All those sleazy men who promised her stardom, to be lucky if she got scraps after she ‘performed’ her half of the deal.
It’s a different world out there now. One she wishes existed when she was younger. Young girls being better protected against the same types of men she had to ‘prove’ herself to in order to progress further. Seeing that women of a certain age, now slightly less apologetic about aging. It makes her sad that she had been made to feel so disgusted about her own body, the way she looked, all because the world wasn’t yet ready for women to not look like teenage girls in their forties and fifties. And they still aren’t, but society has progressed a little bit since she was a bright eyed ingénue.
Helen constantly reminds her that she’s beautiful, and not just in the superficial, aesthetic way. She’s grateful Hel’s back in her life. The need to prove herself to men and everyone around her doesn’t matter as much anymore. Other than her own, she only cares about one opinion now. That of the auburn haired beauty she gets to call her best friend and girlfriend. Since taking the potion, they’ve learnt a lot more about themselves and each other; they have different priorities that involve each other again. It makes Mad very happy.
That doesn’t mean Madeline has completely stopped fussing about her hair and make up, though.
There is always a loose curl in her long, fair hair, her eyebrows are perfectly arched à la Grace Kelly, eyelashes fluttery and her cheekbones are always highlighted just so. She’s a little more comfortable in her own skin, lately; doing these things for herself more than anyone or anything else.
Tonight is her final bow. She’s retiring from acting because soon she has to fake her own death.
Yes, she enjoyed the attention and the glamour that a career in acting provided her, but she also enjoyed being good at something. Being recognised for being good at something. The craft of theatre and film was fascinating. A hard job, but utterly rewarding. It was the first time she was seen as more than just the ‘pretty blonde’.
Whilst she is looking forward to a cosy eternity with Helen, she is also mourning the end of what she has always loved doing and what could have been, if she was still alive. The closure, finality about it all.
Although, Madeline wouldn’t change her circumstances for the world. For she now has Helen in the way she has always wanted her and that means so much more to her.
Madeline is powdering her face, to set the stage makeup she has just applied, when she notices Helen walk into the dressing room.
“Mad? I just wanted to wish you luck for tonight. Not that you’ll need it.” The redhead beams at her through her reflection in the mirror. She bends down behind her to wrap her arms around her and sweetly kiss her cheek. “Don’t worry, I haven’t smudged your face.”
Madeline smiles back at Helen through the mirror. Even if Hel had smudged her makeup, she would have kept the faint lipstick stain on her cheek for the whole show.
“Going to need you to sign my Playbill, Miss Ashton.” Helen says as she pulls out the little booklet and a pink pen from her bag. “Tradition, I’m afraid.”
“Well, I can’t disappoint my biggest fan, now, can I?” Madeline quips back. “You should feel special, darling. You’re the only person to have the Madeline Ashton’s first and last show Playbills signed.”
They giggle together. It was always so good to laugh with Helen. She loves her an incredible amount.
The pair are interrupted by the call that there was forty-five minutes until lights up. Madeline can’t help the shaky breath that escapes her. The enormity of what she is about to do is catching up with her again.
“Hel.” She whispers, as she rises to her feet from her seat at the vanity. “Hold my hand. I’m nervous”
“Madeline Ashton nervous? I never thought I would see the day.” Helen laughs gently.
The blonde looks up at her, lips forming a sad frown. “Helen, please?”
Seriousness takes over Helen’s demeanour all of a sudden and she immediately reaches for Madeline’s hand. She’s shaking like a leaf, it’s very unlike her. Helen covers her best friend’s hand with both of hers, stroking her thumb over it in an attempt at some comfort.
The actress tries to take deep breaths, but struggles. Gentle amusement quickly transitions into loving concern on the redhead’s face.
“Hey, hey, hey. Mads?” She now has a hand cupping the other woman’s cheek, catching the stray tears that slowly fall. “Look at me, okay?”
Mads does as she’s told, for a change, and looks at Helen, who is smiling softly at her. Hel tucks a loose strand of hair behind Madeline’s ear, her other hand still intertwined with hers, before going into her pep talk.
“You are a wonderful actress. Not many people can say they’ve been nominated for an Oscar once, let alone twice, my love.”
Madeline can’t help but smile back at her. The affection, the gentleness, the genuine love from Helen has Madeline swooning almost. Hel always knows what to say — and she always says it incredibly prettily too. She is a published writer after all.
“Hey. Just think: one last time and then you can go out in style. Everyone cheering for you and celebrating the incredible career you’ve had. End on a high. You’ve got this, Mads.”
Madeline’s eyes start producing happy tears at Helen’s speech, causing her to pull the redhead in close and give her the kiss of her life, almost. The intensity causes Helen to blush a furious shade of pink, but she smiles against her lips nonetheless.
Helen turns Madeline around again so she can talk to her through the mirror. Her lips against the blonde’s ear, as she whispers: “Then after it’s all over, we can pop open a bottle of champagne and we can drink it under the covers, with my arms around you and my lips all over you, too.”
“I love you, Hel.” Madeline shivers slightly as she leans back into her embrace. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, my love.” Helen wraps her arms around Madeline, resting her chin on her shoulder. “I love you, too.”
They stay like that for a few more minutes, before they are interrupted again by the latest countdown to beginner’s call.
Helen takes a deep breath before finally letting go of the woman in her arms. Deliberately slow.
“Break a leg, Ashton. You have a whole auditorium of adoring fans waiting for you out there.”
The blonde giggles at her girlfriend’s sudden silliness. She dabs the last few stray tears from her eyes, checks to see what make up she needs to reapply and kisses Helen’s cheek before the other woman reluctantly leaves to find her seat in the sold out auditorium.
One final time. One final bow. And then an eternity with the love of her life. Madeline couldn’t be too mad about how the rest of her life looked. Especially when she had a certain redhead cheering her on, still sticking around and loving her the way she had always wanted and needed.