Work Text:
In the years they’d spent apart, Aaron had often dreamed of waking up next to Robert again. It had been fantasy, one pulled out on his most lonely nights, when his bed felt too big, the spread of his double mattress feeling cavernous as he got used to sleeping alone. On his worst nights, Aaron would close his eyes, and he’d imagine how it would feel to have Robert next to him again – how Robert always ran cold, compared to Aaron, how he’d shove his icy toes between Aaron’s calves, making him squirm, how he’d kick Aaron in the night sometimes – usually when he was stressed – and how Aaron would wrestle Robert into being the little spoon in response, wrapping his arms and legs around Robert, effectively trapping him.
He’d dreamt of how it might be to wake up next to Robert, again, Robert’s golden blonde hair fanned out against their sheets, his face relaxed, and almost boyish, as he woke, Aaron always awake first, even if he rarely got out of bed first. He was never going to deny himself the joy of watching Robert Sugden slowly rouse from sleep, thank you very much – the way Robert’s nose would always scrunch a little, at the sound of their alarm, or the realisation that Aaron had opened the curtains and there was sunlight pouring in, the way Robert would stretch his arms above his head, fingers grazing their headboard before he’d crack an eye open, giving Aaron one of those soft, reserved entirely for Aaron smiles.
They’d been beautiful dreams – dreams based off of years of memory, which made it all the more jarring to have the reality be so different. They’d been back together – officially – for about nine days, now, though they’d been sleeping together for longer than that, but Aaron was less inclined to focus on the whole, second go of an affair, aspect of it now that he knew his current (and hopefully soon to be ex) husband was a cold-blooded murderer. Cheating was really the much lesser crime, when you thought about it, so Aaron didn’t feel all that bad about it.
Aaron hadn’t stayed over yet – and it’s not as if Robert could, Aaron’s apartment under police investigation, and a place Aaron had no intention of ever actually returning to, bar to get his stuff when he was allowed, and hand Caleb back the keys. He’d been staying at his mum’s, on the couch, because his old room was Eve’s, now, and he’d never expected to need to move back in with his mum, aged thirty-three, but he hadn’t planned on marrying a sociopath with some sort of weirdo hero complex either, so life hadn’t entirely gone to plan on a lot of levels.
They’d been having dinner at Vic’s. Aaron and Vic had sort of bonded more than ever, in the fallout of finding out the truth about John – they’d both trusted him, both wanted to believe John was the good man he’d presented himself as – and so he’d been spending even more time with her, and Robert, as the village started to pick up the pieces in the aftermath of John.
Robert hadn’t been bitchy about the whole John situation in the way Aaron had expected him to be – no ‘I told you so’s’ or snarky comments, Robert quiet as he accepted the genuine apologies offered to him by villagers who’d believed John’s lies over Robert’s suspicions. The only one that had gotten a real reaction had been Aaron’s own mum – Chas had pulled Robert aside in the pub, and fixed him with a serious look, and apologised for having not believed him, when he’d gone to her with his concerns, and she’d given Robert a free pint and an open invitation to Sunday lunch at the pub for the rest of time. It had been that easy, apparently.
The evening had quickly turned to night, Vic long-since in bed, some crap made-for-TV movie playing in the background as Aaron nursed a beer, and Robert drank some overpriced fizzy water Victoria had bought for him, and Aaron had asked to stay over. Aaron wouldn’t have, the first time they’d done this, during those first tentative days of their relationship, after the court case, but Aaron was in his thirties now, and confident in a way he hadn’t been then, and he knew what he wanted, what he’d always wanted, and he wanted to crawl inside of Robert’s skin and live there forever, but staying the night was a good in-between. It was fine, he was feeling normal about it all.
Robert had been stunned, for a second, by Aaron’s boldness, before he’d agreed, the quiet slump to his shoulders one that Aaron wasn’t used to, Robert still himself, but a shadow of the version Aaron had last known – still snarky, and rude, but quieter, his biting words less sincere and his eyes tired.
Robert’s room at Keepers wasn’t huge, and the bed certainly wasn’t either, but it wasn’t the first time in their long history together than they’d crammed into the tiny double, Aaron shameless as he shed his jeans, and jumper, Robert a little slower to undress, his self-consciousness odd to see. It was a strange role reversal, Aaron had decided, disdainful as he picked at the flowery sheets that Robert apparently willingly slept in, Robert next-door brushing his teeth and doing his elaborate skincare routine, no doubt.
It had felt familiar, as they’d gone to sleep, both of them lying on their sides, nose-to-nose, quiet as they chatted, not wanting to wake Victoria, or Harry. It had been Vic and Adam, last time around, but the sentiment was the same.
It had felt like coming home.
Until –
“Robert?” Aaron was no expert, but he was fairly sure that Robert was having a night terror of some kind, his boyfriend (partner? Husband? Boyfriend was such an insignificant word to describe how he felt about Robert) stiff next to Aaron, tossing and turning so much that it was making the bed creak, that it had woken Aaron up. He knew things had been hard, for Robert, since prison, but he hadn’t seen it for himself yet – in the months they’d snuck around behind John’s back, there had been little opportunity for clandestine sleepovers. Aaron had mostly relied on second-hand knowledge from Vic, his sister-in-law loathe to break Robert’s confidence, but willing to admit that Robert had trouble sleeping, sometimes.
“No – please, please don’t,” Robert sounded genuinely terrified, his face screwed up in terror as he tossed about. “Please – please leave me alone.”
Okay. Okay. Aaron took a deep breath – he could deal with this, he knew how to. Aaron knew, from experience, that trying to shake Robert awake, there and then, was the worst possible approach, even if it was the first one his brain went to. Back when they’d first gotten together properly, after Gordon, Aaron had been plagued by nightmares, and they’d quickly learned that Aaron couldn’t bear to be touched on nights like those, and definitely couldn’t bear to be forcefully woken up, the terror lingering for much longer when he was dragged from sleep by a concerned Robert.
“Robert, you’re okay,” he tried, sitting up, inching back as much as he could on their tiny bed, for fear of scaring him further. “Robert – it’s me, it’s Aaron. You’re okay. You’re having a nightmare, but it’s not real. Okay? You’re here, with me, you’re alright.”
“Please – please don’t hurt me.”
“Robert,” Aaron tried a little more forcefully, this time. “Robert – you’ve got to wake up. You’re okay – it’s just a dream.”
A ragged, heaving breath interrupted Aaron’s frazzled monologue, Robert sitting bolt upright in bed, eyes wide with terror.
“You’re alright,” Aaron reassured, hands hovering. He was desperate to touch Robert, but he wasn’t sure if it would help, there and then – not if Robert was still in the grips of whatever nightmare he’d just jolted awake from. “Hey – you’re okay, Rob. I’m here.”
Robert looked at him with wide, wet eyes, fear etched into every line of his face. “Aaron?”
“Yeah,” Aaron went for a reassuring smile. “I’m here, it’s me.”
Before he could say, or do anything else, Aaron found himself with an armful of Robert, the man in question hiccupping out a sob as he folded himself into Aaron’s embrace. Robert was crying so much he was shaking, in Aaron’s grip, tears soaking into the material of the borrowed t-shirt Aaron was wearing.
“Oh, Rob,” Aaron tried to soothe, running a gentle hand down Robert’s back, pressing kiss, after kiss into Robert’s sweaty hairline. “I’m here. You’re alright, love,” the petname was out of his mouth before he could really even think about it, memories of sunny days and long nights when Aaron would get exactly what he wanted out of Robert with a simple ‘love’ tacked onto the end of a sentence, the petname rarely used other than for ulterior motives and those rare moments that Robert craved comfort – on his mum’s anniversary, in the leadup to the court case about Lee.
Running a gentle hand through Robert’s hair, Aaron held him a bit tighter. “You’re okay,” he repeated. “It’s just me. You’re safe, I’ve got you.”
It took a while, but Robert’s breathing eventually returned to normal, his sobs slowing into tiny, heartbreaking hiccups. Aaron tried his best to smile brightly, as Robert lifted his face from Aaron’s chest, his cheeks tearstained, eyes red-rimmed and tired. “’M sorry,” he mumbled, folding in on himself even more, Robert’s embarrassment palpable.
“Hey – what are you sorry for, eh?” Aaron shook his head. “You had a nightmare, Robert – it happens.”
“It never used to happen to me,” Robert wiped roughly at his eyes.
“You’ve been through a lot,” Aaron reminded. “More than you’ve told me about,” he didn’t want it to sound accusatory – but it was true. Robert had been reluctant to admit anything about his time in prison, brushing off Aaron’s concern on those rare moments alone they’d gotten, fobbing Aaron off with a heated kiss and the promise of more, not wanting to waste their precious short minutes together on deep conversation. It was something Aaron should have pushed more, he knew, but he had never been able to withstand those ‘come to bed’ eyes of Robert’s, even if it meant they rarely had the serious conversations they definitely needed to have more of.
“It was awful, in there,” Robert admitted, eyes squeezing shut. There, being prison, Aaron knew. “I was targeted – for years, Aaron. I couldn’t sleep, I was so scared of what they’d do if I let my guard down.”
There was more to it, Aaron knew – Robert’s admission was only the beginning of a story, and one he wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear, because Aaron wasn’t unopposed to causing grievous bodily harm to anyone who’d ever dared put a hand on Robert, on his Robert, so it was maybe something he needed to hear with a clearer head and not at three am, when his penchant for a punch-up was usually at it’s highest.
Aaron wiped gently at Robert’s remaining tears, glad that Robert was happy to be touched, there and then. He’d always been good at this, the physical comfort, always happy to hold Robert close, and reassure him with gentle fingers and soft kisses. He hadn’t always been good at the words – Aaron wanted to be, he wanted to be better at being able to offer Robert the same kind of reassuring words and romantic declarations the other man was much more capable of, but he wasn’t entirely there yet. He was trying, though.
“You’re safe, with me,” Aaron said, his tone fierce. “I promise you, Robert – you’re safe with me. I’ll look after you.”
Robert’s smile was watery. “This is why I hadn’t asked you to stay over, before,” he admitted. “I don’t think I’ve had a night’s sleep without a nightmare in years. I was afraid I might lash out, and hit you without realising,” he looked downcast, the incident with Victoria from months ago still clearly playing on his mind. Aaron had understood, at the time – more than he’d admitted to. He’d punched Robert, right after he’d gotten out of prison, terrified and on edge, his fist moving before his brain could realise that it was Robert who was standing there. John had called Robert every name under the sun, that day, after what had happened with Vic, but Aaron had understood. He always had.
“Robert – you don’t have to go through this alone,” Aaron shook his head, gently swiping his thumb across Robert’s cheekbone. He was beautiful. Robert had always been beautiful to him – even when he was all arrogance and floppy blonde hair – and Aaron loved him so much, he didn’t know what to do with the feeling, sometimes. Kissing him was usually what he went with, Robert’s lips salty with tears as Aaron pressed one, two, three chaste kisses to his waiting mouth. “I’m here. I want to be here – for all the nightmares, and anything else. Okay? I want to be here, with you, and I want to help you. Like you helped me, all those years ago – remember?”
Robert’s expression was hazy, for a second, the other man clearly lost in the memory of those early days of their relationship, when Aaron was barely sleeping, barely eating, when Robert was shouldering the weight of Aaron’s issues, getting them both through each and every day, even the days he had to drag Aaron through.
“It’s not exactly what you’d want, out of a new relationship,” Robert barked out a self-deprecating laugh. “I’m not exactly easy.”
“I don’t want easy,” Aaron inclined his head, repeating familiar words, Robert’s speech in the hospital one that had stuck with him, for all these years. “Messed up, forever. Remember?”
“I remember,” Robert let out a shaky breath. “Do you really want that?”
Aaron nodded. “I want you,” he couldn’t help but sound a little forceful. “That means I want whatever baggage you come with. Alright? And it’s not like I’m easy, either – neither of us are, Rob. That’s what makes us work, in some weird way. So just – let me help you, this time.”
Those words were familiar too – the way he’d begged Robert at the front door of Keepers to say yes, to let him in, to let Aaron be the one to help him, that time. They’d sorted it all then – they’d sort it all now. Aaron knew that much. That was sort of just how it went, for the two of them – they sorted each other out, over and over. It didn’t matter how much time had passed, how different Robert was now – how different Aaron was now, too. Robert would always be the great love of his life, and Aaron would take as many sleepless nights as it took to get Robert through whatever had happened to him in prison.
“I love you,” Aaron said, the phrase the only thing he could think to say, there and then – there would be time, in the morning, for meaningful conversations over steaming cups of coffee. “I love you, and I’m going to help you through this.”
Robert’s nod was exhausted. “Yeah,” his voice was soft, quiet. “Yeah. Alright.”
Aaron smiled, pressing another kiss to Robert’s lips. “Do you want to cuddle? Or do you not want me to touch you?”
Robert’s laugh was a genuine one, this time. “I’ll never say no to a cuddle from you.”
“Then that’s exactly what you’ll get,” Aaron guided Robert gently down onto the bed, holding him close as he got them settled back under the duvet. He splayed a hand across Robert’s stomach, tucked under the warm cotton of his t-shirt, stroking his palm over the soft skin of Robert’s belly, slow, easy movements lulling Robert back to sleep eventually.
That was exactly how Victoria found them, the next morning, Robert curled into Aaron’s embrace, the two of them sharing Aaron’s pillow, a fond look on her face as she thanked Aaron for looking after him, promising she’d make them some breakfast when they were ready to get up, Vic setting a cup of tea on Robert’s nightstand for Aaron to drink before she disappeared.
Robert barely stirred, in Aaron’s arms, as Aaron propped himself up, the sweet milky tea welcome after a restless night’s sleep – for him, at least. Robert had slept deeply, face burrowed in Aaron’s chest most of the night, Aaron happy to be awake if it meant that Robert got a full night’s rest for the first time in what sounded like years.
Pressing a kiss to the crown of Robert’s head, Aaron let himself relax into the garishly patterned sheets. It wasn’t entirely what he’d imagined, when he’d dreamt of waking up with Robert, for all those years, but it was good – how could it not be, when he had Robert back in his arms and the promise of a life with the only man he’d ever really wanted to build a life with?
Robert grumbled something into the material of Aaron’s t-shirt, making Aaron grin in an embarrassingly soppy way he was glad no one was around to see.
“You’re alright, love,” Aaron reassured softly. “You can keep sleeping. I’m here.”