Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mystery has always been okay with being the observer of the group.

After all, their idol personas didn’t stray too far from their regular personalities, it just exaggerated/cartoonized their blatant traits, much to some of their (especially Baby’s) chagrin. Abby’s entire personality was not his body by any means—in fact, he likes to draw attention away from his body whenever he can because he is so much more than that. People looked at him and tended to think stupid, airhead, himbo, and Abby is none of those things.

Romance. It’s in the name. His entire thing is love, and it shows at home, too. He’s obsessed with them, going above and beyond with outlandish gestures and corny K-drama lines, but he also tends to think the boys didn’t feel the same about him. For someone so enamored with four people , Romance sometimes thought he was unlovable.

Baby’s face is the only thing about him that was child-like. From his voice to the way he acts (nonchalant, a little unhinged, chaotic, and feisty), he’s probably the most “adult” member of the Saja Boys. And he’s not even the youngest, Abby is.

Jinu’s role as hot leader is almost entirely accurate. He is hot. He does tend to take charge. He’s at the center of everything Saja and without him, they wouldn’t be here at all. But it’s not that the boys followed him like mindless puppies. They all did their fair share of work, even if Jinu’s immense levels of stress made it seem like he was carrying everything on his back by himself.

And Mystery himself. He isn’t talkative. He could space out sometimes. He doesn’t like his face to show much, and luckily all of those things play into an easily curated style—mysterious, emotional, shy, has deep dark secrets. But, that doesn't mean he’s totally aloof. He’s affectionate, especially to his boys.

A few months back Romance had forced everyone to take Love Language quizzes. Mystery thought it was dumb at first—why let a test tell you how to love when there are so many ways, not just five? And he’d looked into the history (on a TikTok) and it said that the creator only made them up so he could force his wife into sex with his “physical touch” love language, and get her to keep cleaning because of her “acts of service” love language. He wasn’t sure if it was true, but Mystery had concluded that this was not to be taken seriously. He did it anyway though, and sure enough, he got Physical Touch as his number one, followed by Acts of Service, Quality Time, Gift Giving, and finally Words of Affirmation at an absolute 0%. 

So maybe he took it a little seriously.

Words are not his strong suit. At all. It’s not that he wants to speak and he feels like he can’t, he just doesn’t feel the need to most of the time. The test hadn’t lied—he shows his love through his hands. A hand on someone’s knee. An arm wrapped firmly around another’s waist. Rubbing his hand up and down Baby’s arm while they stood around, reaching to stroke Romance’s thigh while driving, three squeezes to Abby’s wrist, etc. He liked it. He adored it. He knew he didn’t say much, but to him, every interaction was an I love you even though I don’t say it, I’m listening to you, I care about you, I want you close to me.

So yes. If nothing else, Mystery showed his love in a way that made sense to him.

But sometimes love languages conflict. And what feels adoring and loving to one person, may feel like nothing to the next. Which is what happens with Jinu.

—----

Jinu and Mystery love each other.

Obviously. They all do. But in a relationship with five people, sometimes a pair gets the short end of the stick when it comes to interactions, and Jinu and Mystery don’t get too much time together. Just them, anyway. Mystery tends to avoid it anyway, because he and Jinu collide at one thing—Jinu loves to run his mouth.

Words are everything to the other man. Sure, he could fumble them when he was flustered. But at the end of the day, Jinu’s voice was his superpower, in singing and talking. He could sway an audience with just a few words. Make you change your mind with a careful tone. He could manipulate you, swoon you, and flirt with you in the span of ten seconds and you would never know because you’d have been too distracted by that sultry voice.

He was always rambling to the boys about how much he loved them. If you caught Jinu in a room alone and, god forbid, sat down next to him? He’d hold your hand and look into your eyes with that intense gaze and start singing (figuratively). Something meaningful, deep, poetic. Or something that made you think. Something just vague enough to leave you thinking about it, but loving enough to make you blush as you walked away, smiling because someone loved you hard enough to talk about it for twenty minutes.

The two of them do…not compliment each other’s “languages.”

Mystery knew Jinu’s words meant the world, and words meant the world to Jinu. But Mystery doesn’t talk. Like, at all. He’ll make a comment or two in conversation, ask questions when necessary, but he only speaks when spoken to. 

Jinu is okay with touch, but he doesn’t give it like he receives it. No matter how many hand-holds and shoulder hugs he gets from Mystery, he doesn’t do anything in return—just smiles and walks away. 

They get along fine. They’re the quietest of the group, more introspective, choosing to dip their toes in the water instead of cannonballing like Romance, Abby, or Baby would do. When it comes to dynamics, however, Mystery feels like they’re…lacking. And he wants to fix it.

______

The first time he catches Jinu alone is in the morning.

They were the first to wake up. Mystery shuffled into the kitchen with an oversized shirt—Abby’s—plaid pants and a ridiculous pair of dolphin slippers that Romance had seen on sale and apparently thought Mystery would love (he does). The morning was quiet; It was around 8am, the kitchen smelled like coffee, sunlight was beaming through the open blinds, and dust settled in the light, creating a serene, peaceful setting. It reminded Mystery of a lo-fi album cover. 

Jinu turned when Mystery walked in, smiling faintly as the admittedly loud coffee machine started to whir, coffee pouring slowly into Jinu’s mug. “Morning.”

Mystery’s heart jumps at the simple word. Okay. He can do this. It’s not that hard. All he has to do is love his boyfriend in a way that makes sense to Jinu, so he knows that Mystery adores him and is willing to put in the effort to translate.

No pressure.

“Hm,” Mystery responds instinctively, then realizes he just failed step one. Talk. “Good morning,” he corrects. He comes up behind Jinu and prepares to wrap his arms around the other’s waist, stand there until the coffee is done, but he realizes that probably doesn’t mean anything to Jinu, so he clears his throat softly and wills himself to speak again. “Um. How was your sleep?”

Mystery berates himself instantly. He’d confused how was your morning and how did you sleep and halfway through, realized how was your morning was a stupid question because it IS morning and maybe “how was your sleep” doesn’t sound that bad but he still fumbled a four word question—

“Oh. It was okay,” Jinu responds, sounding a bit surprised at the question. “I didn’t fall asleep for, like, an hour. It was weird. But I slept okay.” He turns slightly. “You?”

Shit. Jinu wasn’t supposed to ask follow-up questions. “...Um. I—”

“Good morning, babies!!!”

Oh thank god. Saved by the…Ro. 

The pink-haired one in question, also wearing one of Abby’s shirts (they’re comfy, okay??) bounds across the kitchen, his teeth brushed and face washed (he refused to greet anyone in the morning with stinky breath) and effortlessly hugs Jinu, kissing his cheek three times.

“And how are you this morning, handsome?” Ro asks, and Jinu laughs fondly before responding, “Better, now that you’re here.”

He’s just flirting. He’s just flirting, Mystery tells himself as he wonders why Jinu wasn’t having a better morning while Mystery was already there.

____

The next time, they’re out shopping.

The market isn’t that busy right now, since lots of people are out working, so the Saja Boys didn’t put much effort into concealing their appearances. Jinu had on black, obnoxiously large sunglasses that made him more recognizable if anything, based on the pink ones he wore for Soda Pop promos. Abby had on a baseball cap, and Ro also had shades. Baby wore his hood even though it was hot because it was “blocking the sun”, and Mystery simply tied his hair out of his face, since nobody knew what he looked like.

Each side of them was lined with various stores. Some were fancy, some basic, some very pink and soft, some a little more hardcore. With the boys’ varying personalities, they’d been in every single one so far, making for a slow but fun trip. 

Baby had his arm looped through Mystery’s as he dragged the latter through isles of graphic tees and belt chains, the former sucking a lollipop that made his lips blue. Romance was using the bathroom, Abby was looking through the stickers (he DOESN’T need any more) and Jinu hung back by the door, scrolling idly on his phone. He looked a little tired.

When Romance comes out and steals Baby away to look at matching combat boots, Mystery decides to take the opportunity yet again. Jinu is just standing around by himself, and the boys are distracted. They can talk. Mystery can talk. 

After going over what happened last time, a failed small-talk attempt, he tries to go for humor this time. It guaranteed an awkward interaction, but Mystery was trying, okay? Maybe it’d go better.

So he wanders up to Jinu, standing a little too stiffly, his hands clasped politely in front of him like he was going to bow. “Someone should probably stop Abby from getting another hundred-pack of stickers, hm?”

That…actually wasn’t so bad. Maybe he was a little louder than necessary, but he delivered.

Jinu’s head snapped up from his phone. He looked at Mystery briefly, then back at Abby, who was definitely holding fifty too many items. “Wh- Ugh. Abby! You haven’t even used the last ones you got…” Jinu’s voice trails off as he throws his arms up and promptly walks away, leaving Mystery by the door.

Well that was cut short.

No. He refuses to let this go wrong again. Mystery is going to talk to Jinu, dammit!

So at the food court, when Romance, Baby, Abby, and Jinu go to order food, Mystery tugs on Jinu’s sleeve, urging him to come back. When Jinu sits back down with confusion, Mystery starts drawing blanks—Jinu is across from him, a brow raised, leaning forward like he’s anticipating something very important.

The food court is loud. He was wrong to assume it wasn’t busy at the market today, because it seemed like everybody was here eating. It was a miracle they found a table that could fit all five of them.

The sun is beating down quite harshly, adding to the sudden sweat accumulating on Mystery’s skin. Everybody is talking, talking, talking over each other so easily, laughing and bantering and asking how people’s days are going. Mystery hates it. It’s too loud, but it’s so effortlessly loving, and he can’t even do it himself. He doesn’t know the words. Doesn’t know what to say or ask or do.

Mystery takes a harsh breath, hands starting to go hot in his lap, his cheeks going noticeably red. He feels the strong urge to put his hair back down, because it was obvious he was flustered and not looking at Jinu and overwhelmed.

So why couldn’t he just say something —

“Uh, Myst?” Jinu’s voice interrupts his thoughts, confused and a little concerned. His hand rests on the table. “Babe, are you…okay?”

Mystery’s gaze flicks to Jinu’s eyes, darts away, and then to his hand. Without thinking, Mystery grabs it, squeezing tight. He bites his lip while he thinks.

“I’m fine,” he answers. He swallows hard, his heart beating a thousand miles a minute. “I..just…um…Hi..?”

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. That was terrible. That was awful.

“...hi,” Jinu replies, seeming even more confused. It looks like Mystery held him back for no reason at all and that’s the last thing Mystery wants.

“What– What are you ordering?” Why did he stutter like that? Jinu is his boyfriend. They’ve loved each other for years and known each other for longer. How did Mystery not think to make conversation with him before?

Jinu raises a brow, glancing back at Ro, Baby, and Abby, who were in line to order from the noodle place they’d picked. “I don’t know, you kind of stopped me from going to look at the menu.”

Jinu says it with a smile, but it stings Mystery. He curses his initial, visible reaction of surprise and hurt, masking it all when Jinu starts to look concerned.

“Oh. Right, um.” Mystery lets go of his hand. “Sorry, go ahead.”

Jinu lingers for a moment, looking intensely into Mystery’s eyes, making the latter shift uncomfortably. Then Jinu stands. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?”

No. Mystery wouldn’t, because if he tried then the words would come out all tangled and wrong and awkward and quiet. Mystery’s voice would shake and his eyes would blur and his cheeks would flush red because every waking sound uttered from his mouth doesn’t match what’s in his head and he really wished he could just kiss Jinu and cuddle him at night and it would be enough but it’s not.

It’s not enough. He’s not enough.

Mystery just nods. Words have failed him today.

______

It all comes to a head a few days later.

Jinu had been getting less and less sleep, drinking too much coffee, and worrying way too hard about their next gig. It was a big one, so his worry wasn’t uncalled for—but it was getting concerning.

Ever since the market incident, Mystery had started to drift back away from Jinu. He would try to interact with the other, but he hardly ever caught Jinu alone because the other was always darting around. The one time Mystery did catch him, Jinu had gone on a nervous rant and then left the room before Mystery could do more than squeeze his shoulder.

He tried to get back to touching Jinu. Comfort him with familiarity. Every attempt to do that had failed too—Jinu either shrugged off his shoulder pats or walked away from hugs too soon or something of the sort. Mystery was starting to feel a little hurt by it all, and by his own incompetence, but he knew Jinu needed something. Someone who can say ‘I love you’ without stuttering over the words and cutting himself off in humiliation.

Mystery had spent more time with Romance, too. The other was worried about both of them, and to Mystery, he was so easy to show love to—Romance wanted attention, time, and that was all he really needed. He didn’t need spiels or rants or poems to feel loved. Mystery could just pull Ro into his side and kiss his cheek and the other would be beaming.

But he hated that thought. Because it insinuated that Jinu was hard to love and Jinu was so easy to love. Mystery just…screws everything up.

The day before their performance, Jinu is completely spiraling. Things aren’t ready, tracks aren’t downloading, they sold too many tickets, etc. This kind of thing happens often, but it seems like all the little things have been piling up slowly. Little stressors leading to the panic attack Jinu is currently having. Mystery wonders if he is one of those stressors. 

Mystery walks in from the convenience store to see Jinu sitting on the couch, tugging at the hem of his shirt as his knee bounces rapidly, his breathing a little forced—not hyperventilating, but not natural. He’s trembling, and keeps shaking his head like he’s going to pass out otherwise.

Mystery drops the bag of snacks (Jinu’s favorites. He was gonna play it off as an overall pantry restock, even though he hadn’t gotten anything else) and rushes towards his distressed partner, hands hovering uselessly.

“Jinu?” he says, his voice shaking a little bit. He knows he should stay calm, that these things happen, but the way Jinu is rubbing at his chest and blinking hard is scary. Still, Mystery tries to keep his cool, looking around. Right. He’s supposed to get…ice, right? And do pressure or something?

He stands to go get a cup of ice cubes, when Jinu reaches out and snatches his wrist, not too unlike what Mystery did at the market—but Jinu actually had something to say.

“Stay.”

And this was it, wasn’t it? Mystery’s been trying for days to show Jinu that he could show his love too. He could be there for Jinu when the other needed him most. So he sits right back down in front of his boyfriend, and furiously wills his brain to find the words.

But they still won’t come.

Everything he thinks of is generic and basic and either out of a TV show, or something Abby has said before. Jinu is right in front of him, hardly breathing, his thoughts attacking him from every which direction—and Mystery couldn’t even think of something genuine to say to him.

Jinu’s breathing is getting worse. “‘S fucking cold,” he chuckles humorlessly, hands moving between his shirt and chest and knees as he tries to calm himself down, because Mystery can’t. “Can you- shit.” Jinu takes an unfulfilling breath. “Can you get the guys, please?”

You’re not enough for me, Mystery hears.

No. No, this isn’t about him. Jinu’s hurting. Jinu needs care. And…Mystery’s going to give it. They’re boyfriends just like they are with the rest of them.

“I don’t know where they are,” Mystery answers. He doesn’t, and he’s sure they’re in their rooms, but he wants to be there for Jinu. He can do this.

 “You—” Mystery’s voice trembles but he keeps it in, he can’t panic himself when Jinu’s about to pass out in front of him. “You’re okay.”

“Myst—”

“I’m here for you, okay, Jinu?” Mystery keeps talking. He has to keep talking . Jinu has to know. Mystery has to help. “You’re gonna be okay. The concert will get taken care of, just- just relax.”

Saying ‘just relax’ to someone who physically and psychologically could not was probably his first mistake. His second was reaching out to pull Jinu into a hug. This was how it worked, right? Comfort. Give Jinu words to reassure him, to remind him that he’s loved and everything will work out. Hug him to remind him he’s here and not in some invisible world of endless stress.

Jinu shoves him away. Harshly.

“Get off—! Mystery, I can’t— you’re not what I need right now, okay? ”

…oh.

“Just—” Jinu inhales sharply, eyes shutting in frustration. Speaking is suddenly a lot more taxing on his breath. “Go get the others. Just— go get them.”

Mystery stands and backs away quickly. “Of course,” he mumbles, trying to mask the shakiness in his voice. His own voice is screaming in his head. 

He doesn’t need you. Useless. Worthless. Stupid. You can’t even help your own boyfriend. 

He rushes into the hallway, not even breathing right himself, and pushes into Ro’s room. In there, Romance is sitting on Abby’s lap, arms around his neck, the two looking at each other fondly while Abby mumbles something sappy. Romance coos, and they kiss—slow, sweet, Romance’s hair falling around them. Abby reaches up to tuck it back, and then presses rapid kisses to Ro’s neck, making the latter blush and giggle. 

It was so simple for them. Effortless love. Endless adoration. Jinu would never get to feel that with Mystery.

Jinu.

Mystery knocks on the door frame, really hating to interrupt, but- “Jinu’s having a panic attack.”

Romance and Abby look up, exchange a look, and then Romance scoots off of Abby’s lap so they can stand up, both of them darting past Mystery to get to the living room. He faintly hears Romance’s soft “hey, sweetheart..” as he goes to Baby’s room and informs him too. Soon, Mystery is standing by the couch while the other three crouch around Jinu, not crowding him. 

Abby pulls off his socks and slippers to cool him down a little bit. Romance runs a hand through Jinu’s hair soothingly. Abby brings Jinu’s hand to his chest and breathes steadily, encouraging Jinu to do the same. When Jinu starts to manage deep breaths, Romance praises him softly.

Realizing he’s just standing there, Mystery shuffles in place, but doesn’t move. He doesn’t want to crowd Jinu any more. So he opts to go to the kitchen and get those ice cubes. Those are supposed to help. He wanted to do something.

But Baby beat him to it, because he finds the other with a cup full of ice and a water bottle. He walks past Mystery with a quiet “I got it.” Of course he does.

He watches Baby go in and set the water bottle down, pulling their weighted “movie night blanket” over Jinu’s shoulders—oh yeah, that’s what the pressure thing was—and press an ice cube into Jinu’s mouth. Jinu keeps breathing. Romance keeps saying good job and we’re right here, honey . Abby keeps letting Jinu feel his steady heartbeat.

He just stands there. Useless. Jinu recovers without him, the ice cube melts without him, they all pile in to cuddle without him—and when Baby glances his way and raises a worried brow, Mystery walks away.

They don’t need him. Jinu doesn’t need him.

Chapter Text

Being in a five-person polycule, where the love is shared equally amongst every member, is something that requires a lot of work. Everyone has different needs. Their pantry is stuffed full of different snacks, because nobody seemed to eat the same thing. There were a million group chats with different combinations of three or four of them, made for specific reasons where they weren’t touched ever again. There’s entirely too much laundry. Everyone was complex and unique as a person—Abby didn’t like to wear socks, but Jinu didn’t like them being barefoot in the house. Romance despised the smell of spicy food, but that’s all Baby eats. Compromises are made almost daily. Arguments happen. It was hard, keeping up with such a big, intricate relationship—making sure everyone got the attention they needed, as well as keeping everyone updated on your feelings, emotions, jealousy, etc. because communication is key.

Romance loved it.

Yes, it could be annoying when Ro went in to kiss Baby just to smell jjamppong on his breath, and when he walked into the bathroom to see his brush tangled up with short, hot pink hair instead of his own longer bubblegum hair. But getting to know so many people—getting to love so many people—was something he wouldn’t trade for the entire world.

There was always a shoulder to cry on. Arms to bundle into. A hand to hold onto. So many diverse dynamics and traits exemplified with different people. If Romance wanted to have fun and do something random, he could always go to Baby and they’d do something chaotic. If he wanted a big hug or a fun karaoke sesh, he could drag Abby into the car for a late-night drive. If he wanted a quiet day to relax and decompress, he’d hang out in Mystery’s room or lay around with Jinu.

Speaking of those two…

Romance would be lying if he said they weren’t weird lately, particularly Mystery. Mystery wasn’t talkative—he was a little shy, he was emotional, deep, understanding, empathetic. He was so sweet, always thinking about the boys in some way or another in his actions. Plus, he gave the best cuddles. You couldn’t stand next to Mystery without his hand resting on you, or an arm around you, just him silently saying, hi, I love you, I want to stand here with you instead of doing literally anything else. Romance loved to swing his arms around Mystery’s neck and hug him until their knees got tired.

Jinu was different. Romance would admit that sometimes, when he’s very enamored with someone (as he is with all his boys) he would stare. It was just so easy to get lost in someone’s eyes and how the sun reflected off of them, the tone of their voice, the way their eyes crinkle when they smile…he adored listening to Jinu talk about love poems he’s read, and how they remind him of Ro. Letting Jinu’s voice lull him to sleep at night when he was having trouble. Not only was it loving, but it cradled Romance’s insecurity about whether or not he was really worth staying for. He often felt he was…too much for other people. But Jinu would go on about how his dramatics and flirtatiousness just made him love Ro all the more.

He thought the two complimented each other. But lately, it seemed like Mystery was nervous around Jinu, trying to do something Jinu wasn’t picking up on. Romance had also caught Mystery talking more often, not only to Jinu but to himself in the mirror as if he was rehearsing lines.

It concerned him. Not that Mystery was speaking, but that it was putting him in some kind of distress to do so. 

What also concerned him was Jinu’s deteriorating mental state. They had a show soon, and everyone was working their asses off, but Jinu was seemingly working…everything off. He was shutting down. Looking more tired every morning. While that was connected to the show, it tied into whatever Mystery was going through, too.

Romance spotted the problem from a mile away. A lack of communication.

As previously stated, they are in a very unique relationship. One that cannot function if everyone doesn’t say what’s bothering them, what’s okay, and what’s not okay! When Baby was spending a lot of time with Abby one time, Romance had felt rejected by the former, as Baby had turned down hangout requests from Ro four times in a row. So Ro voiced his worries. Surely enough, Baby and Abby had bonded over some new hobby and wanted to do it every minute of the day, but they unintentionally excluded everybody else. The hobby is still theirs—they’re allowed to have something just for them! But now they invite the others to sit around while they do it, and make sure to spend time with everyone as equally as they can.

Easy. State the problem. Fix the problem.

Jinu and Mystery were not doing that, and it was causing them to grow apart. So if they wouldn’t communicate, Romance would do it for them.

_____

Romance was in Abby’s lap—unsurprisingly. It’s like he liked to be in the other man’s skin, always pressed up against him when they were spending time together. Abby had been sitting in his little desk chair, leaning on the table while texting their sales people about sorting out the ticket thing, when Romance rolled over on the bed and straddled Abby, wrapping around him like a koala as best he could with his grown self.

“Hi,” he mumbles, his voice muffled by Abby’s shirt as he buries his face in the other’s shoulder. Abby snorts.

“Hey baby,” he responds, putting his phone down for a moment to wrap his arms tight around Romance. “You feelin’ okay?”

Romance’s heart flutters at the question, feeling flustered just because Abby asked. And because he put the phone down to give Ro his attention. The whole thing just makes him swoon. “I’m ok, just wanted to be on you.” He pulls back to look at Abby’s face. “Is that okay?”

Abby only smiles warmly at him. It reaches his eyes, and his hands slide down Romance’s back, resting on his hips. “Very okay. The okayest. Nothing’s ever been okayer.”

Romance smiles, and then a laugh forces out of him. Abby can be so silly sometimes, it’s so very endearing, and the other is just too cute when he’s joking around. Plus his eyes are glinting in the sun, adding onto his beauty. “Shut up,” he snickers, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to Abby’s lips. 

It feels just like all the others—like the first time. Soft and intimate. It makes his breath hitch and makes him relax all at the same time. There’s the warm familiarity of Abby’s lips and touch, but the little nervousness of a schoolboy who can’t believe he’s kissing his crush. Abby’s hand comes up to push Ro’s hair back, and Abby opens his eyes a little, gazing at Romance. The latter blushes a little, smiling shyly at Abby’s loving gaze before Abby leans in for another peck, and then goes in for Ro’s neck, pressing featherlight kisses to the skin there.

“Abby! That tickles, quit it!” Romance laughs, fingers squeezing Abby’s shoulders. For a while, the world stops. It’s just the two of them. 

And then—

“Jinu’s having a panic attack.”

A shaky, soft voice speaks up from the doorway. Romance’s head snaps up to see Mystery standing there, his stance shrunken, gaze on the floor. He looks alert, but sad—Romance makes a mental note to check on him later, and then moves off of Abby so they can get to Jinu. He honestly expected this, but it still made his heart beat a little. He hated to see his loves in pain.

Mystery is shaking when Romance walks past him.

Yeah. A talk is due.

___

When Jinu has mostly settled, he’s exhausted—panic attacks usually take a lot out of him, and he ends up falling asleep for a few hours afterwards. So, Romance helps him get comfortable on the couch and then curls up next to him, Abby and Baby following suit.

Romance follows Baby’s odd look towards the hallway and catches a glimpse of silver hair disappearing. 

Mystery never turned down snuggle time. Something was definitely wrong.

“I pushed him away.”

Romance looks back at a supposed-to-be-asleep Jinu, brow furrowing. He reaches a hand up to brush Jinu’s hair out of his face, trailing the hand down his cheek.

“What do you mean, sweetheart?”

Jinu’s voice goes thick, and he blinks slowly. His eyes become glassy. “Myst. He– He tried to help me. But I was…I wasn’t thinking right, I– and then he hugged me and it felt like too much and I just–”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” Baby interrupts, not wanting Jinu to work himself up into a panic again. He rubs his hand across Jinu’s chest, which was probably aching, and leans against his shoulder. “Well…it’s not. But you weren’t in your right mind. You know you did something wrong, that's a good thing. You're calming down.” Jinu only frowns though, getting a bit lost in thought.

“He’s been off all week,” Jinu mutters. Romance takes note of this. It’s not just him that notices, at least. “Like..weird.”

Baby tilts his head. “Weird like he seems upset?”

“No…”

“Then…what has he been doing?”

Jinu frowns more, then sighs. “I don’t know. He’s been…talk— oh my god. ”

Abby startles up—he was only half listening, but Jinu’s sudden exclamation makes him alert. “What’s wrong?”

Jinu rubs a hand over his face, then both, exhaling hard. “I’ve been making it this whole big thing. He’s just been trying to talk to me.” He sighs again. “I told him not to let that love language test get to his head. I’ve been making him feel so awkward…”

Romance would delve into the topic, but Jinu is still overwhelmed—and the last thing he needs to be doing is berating himself for Mystery’s attempts to step out of his comfort zone.

Abby steals the words from his mouth. “Let’s just focus on you and breathing right now, Ji,” he says gently.

“I’ll go check on Mystery, okay?” Romance adds, pressing a kiss to Jinu’s cheek. “That okay, or do you want me to stay?”

“No, no, go. Thank you, Ro,” Jinu mutters, leaning back on the couch. He blinks slowly—already getting sleepy again after his realization. Abby takes Romance’s old spot and wraps a snug arm around him, while Baby encourages Jinu to rest on his shoulder. Romance smiles at his boys, before taking a deep breath to go get his other boy.

It could be hard to talk to someone who didn’t usually talk back. But Romance would make it work, because he wants Mystery to be okay, too. 

Mystery is in his room. It’s the spare room really. Usually, they all sleep in the same bedroom, but only so much stuff can fit in there—so Mystery and Abby’s things stay in this room, along with an extra bed in case someone didn’t feel like cuddling, was sick, or worst case was angry at somebody and needed time alone. Otherwise, they used the room for hanging out and…other strenuous activities.

Mystery was curled up on the navy sheets, his hair blocking most of his face, per usual, but it couldn’t hide those tears.

Romance closes the door behind him, his heart lurching for Mystery. He’s not sure exactly what happened, but as far as Jinu had said, Mystery had been trying all week to…talk. Because of Jinu’s result with mostly Words of Affirmation . And it had not gone very well.

“Oh, Myst…” Romance sighs, making his way over to the bed. He sits down next to Mystery—the other boy has his face in his hands and is clearly crying quietly into them, the only hints being his sniffles and little gasps. He’s curled up tight, knees to his chest, like he just wants to disappear. “Mystery, baby. What’s the matter?”

When he doesn’t get a reply for a while, he asks, “do you want to talk, or do you want a hug? Or something else?”

If Mystery’s subtle scoot closer means anything Romance interprets it as hug. So he pulls Mystery in for a tight embrace, working his arms around the other as best he can and rocking them gently side to side, whispering into his hair. “I’m here for you, okay? You’re gonna be okay.”

Apparently that is…not the right thing to say.

Mystery scoots out of his arms, his hands pressing harder into his eyes, and his lip trembles. “I was trying to help.”

Romance frowns. “Help who?” he asks, despite knowing exactly who.

“Jinu,” his voice cracks, but he keeps going. “I’ve been trying to talk to him all week. I know he likes to- to talk about how much he loves us so I wanted to try it, but I couldn’t do it. The words kept jumbling and it was just awkward and weird but I kept trying because I love him and I wanted him to know that but I can’t even do that right,” he takes a breath, “I see you when you flirt with him and I see how you and Baby and Abby have fun together and I just— I can’t love like you guys can. I can’t do enough. I’m not enough.”

That makes his heart jump. Mystery had his insecurities. They all did. But never has he thought that there was something fundamentally wrong with him .

“Mystery,” Romance says, all-serious. He holds Mystery by the shoulders. “You’re not…inadequate because you didn’t do good at something first try. Making small talk and conversation is hard, especially for someone who doesn’t do it a whole lot, especially towards someone who's stressed out. But nothing’s wrong with you. You’re plenty enough, baby.”

Mystery only shakes his head. “He said I–” his voice wavers. “I’m not what he needs.”

Romance blinks. That’s…harsh. But there’s three sides to this story—Jinu’s, Mystery’s, and the truth. Both of them were/are in extreme emotional states, so he knows not to trust exactly what comes out of their mouths. “Okay. We’ll talk to him about it, okay?”

“Talking hasn’t been my strength this week,” Mystery mutters self-deprecatingly. He moves back into Romance’s arms, leaning against his chest with a sniffle as his crying dies down. 

“That’s okay,” Romance responds. “I’ll do it with you, okay? We’ll tell him what’s wrong, how you’ve been feeling this week, how his actions made you feel, and we’ll hear his side. Then you two can compromise or make up. Does that sound okay?”

Mystery nods. “Okay.”

The next hour is spent holding Mystery as he lets it out, Romance mumbling little nothings. All the things he loves about the other, all the hugs he likes getting, all the experiences and songs and kisses they’ve shared and how they all mean the world to him.

______

A few days later, tension has settled. Obviously, there’s still something hanging between Jinu and Mystery, but both of them are feeling better again. Romance told the others about what was going on and they made sure to give Mystery some extra affection, silently reassuring him that he’s a good lover. And they took some more tasks off Jinu’s load—the show went great, there were no hiccups, and everything went according to plan.

Now they were at the table, sharing some takeout Romance had gotten to hopefully calm their nerves. Jinu sat on one side, nibbling on some fries, and Romance sat next to Mystery, across from Jinu, the two of them sharing fries as well. For a while, nobody speaks. Then Romance does.

“So,” he starts, brushing off his hands. “You two. Things have been a little weird these past few days, huh?”

The two of them hesitantly nod. Ro feels something like a couple’s counselor, but oh well—he can’t be the only one with emotional intelligence around here. Plus, anything to help his loves. “Mystery told me he’s been trying to talk to you more, Jinu. Mystery, why?”

Mystery swallows. He looks down at his lap for a long time, fiddling with his fingers. Romance twines their fingers together. “You got it.”

At that, Mystery glances up at Jinu. “I..um. When we did the- the test, I saw that you had the Words thing as your number one. I guess I..” a shaky breath, “sort of noticed that you show your love with…words. A lot. So I wanted to try and do the same for you.”

Mystery’s voice trails off a bit, so Ro asks him to speak up, and Mystery repeats the last part. Jinu’s face visibly softens. “But?” Romance prompts.

Mystery bites his lip before continuing. “It was…hard. I first tried in the kitchen but I didn’t really know what to say besides ‘how was your sleep.’ And then in the food court I was really overwhelmed I guess, I just made things awkward.”

Romance squeezes his hand. “You’re doing good. And what happened on Friday?”

The panic attack. Mystery visibly freezes, his jaw shaking with tension. He looks like he’s trying not to cry. “You were…you were panicking and I know you asked for the others but I was desperate at that point so I- so I tried to help you by myself but I…said the wrong thing. And I tried to hug you without asking. I just…I made it worse, I’m sorry. I made everything- worse.”

He’s crying now, and Romance scoots closer to him, wrapping an arm around Mystery’s waist while the other hand comes up to wipe his face. He leans in close. “Take deep breaths, sweetheart. You’re doing great, okay? Breathe.” Jinu reaches out like he wants to say something, but decides not to—it’s Mystery’s turn to talk, and Romance has got it.

When Mystery calms down, Romance asks, “how did that all make you feel?”

Mystery inhales sharply. “Like I was…failing. At…” he blushes a little, “being your boyfriend. Supporting you. Loving you.”

Romance pats his shoulder, and then turns to ask Jinu the same questions. His responses—

“Jinu, you’ve been off as well. Why?”

“I was…stressed. The performance was really weighing on my mind, especially with everything that went wrong. That, and I thought you were upset at me for something, and it was just… a lot. I was panicking.”

“Friday?"

" Everything just felt like too much. It felt like the walls were closing in on me, and—” his breath hitches. Romance has him take a deep breath too. “And when you hugged me, it just felt like they’d finally crushed me. I wasn’t…seing you, I just felt crammed. And when you told me to relax, I just felt worse, because that’s all I wanted to do. But I couldn’t.”

“And how does this all, including knowing Mystery’s side of the story, make you feel?”

“...bad.” That answer earns a chuckle out of all of them. “Like I should’ve just asked you how you were feeling instead of letting the ‘what ifs’ pile up, you know?”

Romance smiles at the two of them. “And what lessons did you two learn?”

Mystery rubs his arm shyly. “To…say my intent, so we could work together on my…speaking?”

Romance smiles and nods. “Good. Jinu?”

“Tell you all when I’m overwhelmed. So we don’t all spiral over what we think is going on.”

Romance presses his hands to his heart, sighing. “Look at my babies! Communicating!” he laughs at himself, and then stands up, bringing a fry with him. “I’ll give you two a second. I’m proud of you,” he ruffles Mystery’s hair. “Both of you.”

And finally, they were left alone. Just the two of them. Sitting across from each other in silence. The weight of everything that happened feels settled, their shoulders light, their tension unwound. 

Mystery…

…didn’t know what to say.

But for once, neither did Jinu. So he stands up, walks around the table, and pulls Mystery into a tight hug. For both of them, love languages be damned, love pours into the embrace. 

Mystery finally figures it out.

“I love you,” he whispers.

Jinu pulls back, smiles at Mystery, and kisses him three times.

I love you.