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Stiles figures that it's better to leave Jackson for a few minutes and goes to the bathroom. He washes his face with cold water and looks at himself in the mirror before checking out his neck. It's red and the teeth marks are still fresh and visible.
Stiles closes his eyes for a second as he remembers what occurred a few minutes ago. He's still not sure what the hell happened but he remembers Jackson's face. He looked like if he had seen a ghost, both shocked and afraid, and he knows that whatever happened, Jackson is the first one to regret it.
Stiles dries his face, buttons up his pajamas and heads downstairs.
He finds Jackson sitting at the kitchen table with a mug and what seems to be orange juice on his right hand, while his left one rests on his belly.
"Are you okay?" Stiles says, taking a seat in front of him.
Jackson snorts. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Jackson says, looking at Stiles's neck but the bite is covered and he can't see anything.
"Jackson, what happened?" Stiles says, frowning.
Jackson licks his lips as he looks at Stiles and thinks about how to reply exactly.
"I guess what happened is that it's been too long," Jackson finally says.
"It's been six months, y'know... Maybe for you it doesn't seem like a lot but believe me, for us, it is a lot."
Jackson isn't sure how much to say. He doesn't want to make Stiles feel like it's his fault because there's nobody to blame here except for the guy who ruined their lives.
Stiles doesn't know how to answer that, so he stays silent and lets Jackson continue.
"But... you have to understand, it's not just that I missed... kissing you... holding you, which I did..." Jackson closes his eyes and sighs before looking at Stiles again.
"This isn't easy to explain. After you left, with everything that I went through because my wolf thought he had lost you, when you kissed me back and you touched me tonight, I guess my wolf took control in a way I had never felt before... I won't say I didn't know what I doing because I always knew what I was doing, but I never meant for it to go so far and I obviously did, and now I see that I could have seriously hurt you. I could have killed you, Stiles, and I'd kill myself before hurting you, and if now you're afraid of me, I--"
"Jackson, stop." Stiles interrupts him. "I'm not afraid of you. And shit, I'm okay. There's no killing happening here... ever, okay? Don't say that."
"Do you have any idea how easy it is for me to rip somebody's throat with my teeth? You have no fucking clue," Jackson says.
"I think I do, actually. I've seen Derek... and Scott... should I even go on? I'm pretty well versed in everything werewolf."
"That's not what I mean." Jackson shakes his head.
"Then, what do you mean? If you think you're going to scare me with that shit, then you've got it all wrong. I obviously knew what I was doing when I married you. I don't believe that your wolf would hurt his mate, and I can't believe that you believe it either."
"In normal circumstances, yeah, I don't think he would, he never has before, I swear to you." Jackson runs his right hand through his hair. "It's never been like tonight before... I was always in control, y'know? It's never gone so far. Never," Jackson says very seriously.
"What do you mean before?" Stiles frowns.
"I mean before... before the accident. Many times, when we have sex, you ask me to let go..."
"Wolf out?" Stiles says, raising his eyebrows.
"Yeah... only, you've never called it that... and sometimes you don't have to say it because I know."
"You know?" Stiles asks confused.
"Yeah. I know or my wolf knows... it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you like it, we both like it and it's safe. When I'm in control, it's safe... when I'm not, like tonight, it clearly isn't."
So apparently, they do this like all the time. Somehow Stiles is not really surprised. Now that he thinks about it, he was really turned on and asking Jackson to stop never crossed his mind.
"Jackson, if you're feeling guilty or something--"
"Damn right, I'm feeling guilty. It is my fault. I let it happen and I should have known better."
"But, there's no way you could have known it was going to happen," Stiles says waving his arms.
"It doesn't matter. I knew what would happen if I kissed you... I figured it would be intense, I shouldn't have done it."
Stiles, snorts, "Do you even listen to yourself? That's so freaking insane!"
"It's not insane," Jackson says. "I obviously wasn't thinking."
Jackson rests both elbows on the table and hides his face on his hands.
"But I'm fucking pregnant and my hormones are all over place. You were so close... and you touched me and I lost it, okay?" Jackson says as he looks back at Stiles.
"And I kissed you back. I was a very willing participant if you remember." Stiles smiles.
"Yeah," Jackson can't help but smile back. "I remember."
"I kissed you because I wanted to, nobody forced me to do it. So if your twisted mind needs to blame somebody, then you might as well blame me too because I'm so irresistible that you couldn't control yourself," Stiles jokes, waving his right arm.
"Well, you are irresistible to me, y'know?" Jackson bites his lip, smiling.
"You see, you agree with me," Stiles grins.
"I just don't want to argue with you. But I still think it was my fault--"
"You're so fucking stubborn!" Stiles says exasperated.
"I'll talk to Derek tomorrow. Just... let me talk to him," Jackson says. Although Derek has never been pregnant and his mate has never been in a coma, so he's not sure if it will be of any use.
"Whatever," Stiles shakes his head with resignation. "Do whatever you want. But you look tired and I'm tired, so let's go to sleep, okay?"
"Yeah, you're right. Let's go to sleep." Jackson says getting up, leaving the mug in the sink.
He turns around and sees Stiles getting closer to him. For a second he thinks that maybe he's going to kiss him again.
"What are you doing?" Jackson says, confused.
"I'm hugging you," Stiles says matter-of-factly, as he puts his arms around Jackson, careful not to crush his belly.
Jackson is a little surprised at first but he recovers fast, and he probably hugs his husband tighter than he never has before. He rests his head on Stiles's shoulder and lets Stiles's scent fills his senses and calms him down.
"I'm okay," Stiles whispers in Jackson's ear, as he runs his right hand along Jackson's back.
Jackson closes his eyes and relaxes in Stiles's arms. He’s not sure if it's their bond getting stronger or if Stiles is simply learning to read him again, whatever it is, it's definitely a good thing.