Work Text:
1. The Ceiling Incident (Tim’s Coffee Nearly Died for It)
Tim Drake prided himself on being unflappable.
He’d faced assassins, aliens, and Jason’s cooking.
He’d learned to function on two hours of sleep and a gallon of caffeine.
He’d even survived Penny's energy levels before coffee.
But nothing—not even Joker-level trauma—prepared him for looking up from his tablet at 3 a.m. in the Batcave and seeing Penny hanging upside down from the ceiling.
She was silent, unmoving, face inches away from his.
Tim screamed.
His coffee went flying.
His tablet hit the floor.
Penny blinked, startled. “Oh my god—Tim! You scared me!”
He gaped at her. “I scared you?! You’re— you’re on the ceiling!”
“I was just fixing the ventilation sensors,” she said innocently, pointing to the small grate above her head.
Tim clutched his chest. “You can’t just— you can’t just—be up there!”
Penny tilted her head, still upside down. “Why not?”
“Because people—normal people—don’t hang from ceilings like possessed bats!”
She grinned. “I’m married to one, so it’s thematic.”
Tim groaned, rubbing his face. “You and Jason are going to give me a heart attack.”
She dropped down silently behind him and patted his shoulder. “Then you should drink less coffee.”
Tim’s next scream was even louder.
2. The Wall Climb of Doom (Jason’s Perspective)
Jason Todd had seen a lot of weird stuff in his life—resurrections, magic pits, multiverse tears—but watching his wife casually walk up the wall of their apartment mid-conversation still short-circuited his brain.
He’d been talking about a new gun mod.
She’d been listening… sort of.
And then she just turned and walked up the wall like gravity was a suggestion.
“Babe,” Jason said slowly. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Looking for my hoodie,” she said, still climbing. “I think it fell on the light fixture again.”
“…You mean the one eight feet off the ground?”
“Yup!”
Jason stared as she dangled from the ceiling like it was nothing, grabbing the hoodie and flipping gracefully back to the floor.
“Found it!” she said cheerfully, pulling it over her head.
Jason blinked. “You can’t just do that in the middle of a sentence!”
She raised an eyebrow. “What, climb?”
“Yes, climb!”
She leaned against him with a teasing grin. “You married a spider, Jaybird. What did you expect?”
He sighed, defeated. “…At least warn me next time before you defy physics.”
“No promises.”
3. The Kitchen Horror (Bruce Wayne vs. the Ceiling Monster)
Bruce Wayne didn’t startle easily.
He’d trained himself to react to anything, from explosions to ambushes, with absolute control.
So when he walked into the Manor kitchen at 6 a.m., expecting to find Alfred preparing breakfast…
…he was not expecting to find Penny crawling along the ceiling in pyjamas, humming to herself, searching the cupboards upside down.
He froze mid-step.
She noticed him immediately, hanging by one hand, a cereal box in the other.
“Oh—hey, Bruce! Want breakfast?”
Bruce blinked once. “Penny.”
“Yeah?”
“…Why are you on the ceiling?”
She looked down as if only just realising it. “Oh, uh… convenience?”
He stared at her for a solid ten seconds. “You could have just… stood on the floor.”
She shrugged, dropping down gracefully. “Yeah, but this way I don’t have to get the step stool.”
He blinked again, slowly. “…Right.”
Alfred walked in, took one look at Penny on the counter, Bruce’s expression, and the cereal box clutched upside-down in her hand.
Then he simply nodded. “Mrs. Todd, if you damage the paint again, I will be mildly disappointed.”
“Yes, Mr. Pennyworth!”
Bruce just sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“…This family.”
4. The Hallway Incident (Dick and Steph Witness a Horror Film)
Dick Grayson prided himself on adaptability.
Steph prided herself on chaos.
Together, they’d seen their fair share of weird—especially involving Penny.
But the hallway incident took the cake.
They’d been talking near the staircase when Steph froze mid-sentence.
“Uh… Dick?”
“What?”
Steph pointed wordlessly at the far wall.
There, halfway between the ceiling and the floor, Penny was crawling along the wall backwards, her hair hanging loose, eyes half-lidded, muttering to herself about “magnetic tension coefficients.”
Dick’s jaw dropped.
Steph whispered, “Is this… a haunting?”
“Pretty sure ghosts don’t wear bunny slippers,” Dick whispered back.
Penny blinked at them upside down. “Oh hey! Didn’t see you there.”
Steph jumped back. “Oh my god, why are you like this?!”
“Like what?”
“Like—like a spider possessed by caffeine!”
Penny blinked again, confused. “I just didn’t want to step in the paint Cass spilled.”
Dick doubled over laughing. “Oh my god, I thought we were being murdered by a contortionist!”
Penny huffed. “You’re both dramatic.”
Steph pointed. “You’re walking on walls!”
“Exactly.”
“THAT’S NOT A NORMAL SENTENCE, PENNY!”
5. The Cave Crawl (The Family Meeting Incident)
The Batcave was in chaos.
Bruce had called a family meeting. Everyone was gathered—Jason, Dick, Tim, Duke, Damian, Cass, Steph—arguing over mission reports.
Tension was high. Voices were sharp. No one noticed Penny slip in through the far entrance.
She crawled up the wall silently, settling in the shadows of the ceiling to avoid interrupting.
Jason was the first to feel it—the faint prickle of awareness on the back of his neck. He looked up.
Then froze.
Penny was there, upside down, legs crossed, chin resting on her palm, just watching them with mild amusement.
He said nothing. He just tapped Dick’s shoulder and pointed.
Dick looked up.
Froze.
Steph followed his gaze.
Froze.
Tim whispered, horrified, “Oh my god she’s nesting.”
Bruce finally noticed the collective silence. “What?”
Jason pointed upward wordlessly.
Bruce turned—then just sighed, long and slow, like a man whose sanity had been tested too many times.
“Penny,” he said evenly.
“Yeah, B?” she said cheerfully from her perch.
“Why are you on the ceiling?”
“Better view.”
Damian muttered, “She is like a bat. But worse.”
“Rude,” Penny called down. “I’m adorable.”
Jason chuckled. “That’s debatable.”
“Watch it, Jaybird.”
She flipped down effortlessly, landing in the middle of the group. “Anyway, carry on. Don’t mind me.”
Cass signed something that made Steph snort: You scare them more than Joker.
Penny grinned. “Good. Keeps them on their toes.”
Bruce sighed again, but there was a tiny flicker of fond amusement in his eyes as he turned back to the table.
“Just try not to give anyone a heart attack this time.”
“No promises,” Penny said brightly, plopping into Jason’s lap.
And as the family returned to business, the faintest sound of laughter echoed through the Cave—hers mixing with Jason’s low chuckle.
Because truthfully, they’d all stopped being startled by her spidery nonsense.
Now, they were just impressed.
And maybe—just maybe—a little proud.
BONUS:
Later that week, Alfred found Penny asleep on the ceiling of the library.
He didn’t even blink.
He simply draped a blanket over her—upside down—and walked away with a small, knowing smile.