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It’s been a week since they broke up. A singular week. Seven days since Buck and Eddie broke up, but to Eddie it feels like an eternity has passed.
He never should’ve done this. Eight year friendship, three months and seventeen days dating down the drain.
He has to fix this, he knows he does. It was his own fault after all. It was just a simple argument, at least that’s what it was supposed to be, a disagreement.
Eddie had told Christopher something, gotten mad at him for something he can’t even remember anymore, that’s how diminutive it was. He had been stressed that whole day so he was at his limit but Buck didn't agree with the scolding, he defended Chris.
Eddie was out of it, it was an off day. That’s the only explanation he has as to why he said what he said. He let the anger and frustration take over, cloud his vision. He told Buck, Buck who had finally felt like a family enough to talk, Buck who fights the feelings of being unwanted everyday, that Buck, he told him that he wasn’t Christopher’s father, that he had no say over Eddie on it.
Buck didn’t sleep in the house that night, Eddie still clearly sees in his memory the look Buck gave him before saying he was staying over at Maddie’s and leaving. Eddie still remembers staying up that whole night, thinking it over and over, noticing the patterns. He kept hurting what he held dearest just because, even if by accident.
The next day, Eddie was the one to break things off himself. Better to hurt him now and spare him the multiple times Eddie would hurt him later on. He’ll find someone else. Someone who won’t hurt him. That’s what Eddie keeps repeating in his head over and over again.
He repeats it when he catches Buck looking his way in the firehouse, when he gets out of a room if Buck walks in because he can’t stand physically seeing the distance he’s created.
He repeats it when he switches spots with Hen in the truck to not be close to Buck and see that he can’t touch him anymore.
He repeats it when he gets home from work and catches Christopher looking behind Eddie because that’s where Buck used to always be. At some point Chris stopped asking when Buck was coming home, just glancing behind Eddie before greeting him.
He repeats it when he sees Chris leave to hang out with Buck and he doesn’t follow because never again will he separate them but he doesn’t belong with the two together.
Eddie really messed up, he’s so unapproachable now. People got used to asking him where Buck was when they weren’t next to each other but after enough times people stopped asking.
Chris stopped asking for movie nights with Buck too. Stopped asking what heroics Buck did that day, which he’s done more of now. Stopped asking what happened. Stopped being angry.
Eddie was suddenly brought back from his thoughts, coming back to his body on the couch at the firehouse as Buck comes up the stairs.
They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity but was probably only ten seconds before Buck quickly goes to the kitchen, grabs a water bottle and heads back downstairs.
He looked tired. Eddie still remembers Buck telling him he usually has trouble sleeping. When they were still together and Buck had a day off without Eddie, he’d steal Eddie’s hoodies, said it helped him sleep better.
Eddie’s shift was going to end in thirty minutes, he was supposed to work the next 24 too but it was a vacation day for Chris’ school and Buck took his shift so Eddie would be able to hang out with Chris.
Amazing how even now, not together anymore, they work in perfect sync coparenting. Eddie should’ve never told Buck he wasn’t his father, if anything he was more of a good father than Eddie himself was.
As Eddie prepares to leave, most of the 118 walks up the stairs, Buck included.
Seems like they all barely woke up from their nap, everyone looking ready to leave, except for Buck who looks like he has a secret stash of energy in him.
“Ok, everyone, I want you to go home and sleep for a good while, you have the next 48 off. Except for you two, Buckley and Chimney. You guys work the next 24 and get 24 off after.” Bobby explains as they’re walking in.
“Oh! I have some leftovers in the fridge, if anyone wants them. I made too much.” Buck suddenly says.
Eddie still remembers when Buck would make them food. He hasn’t eaten that kind of good food in a while, not able to unless it’s in the firehouse cooked for everyone, but the good food is the one Buck would make only for Eddie, specially for Eddie.
As everyone starts getting ready to leave Eddie watches Buck go down the stairs and towards the gym. The second Buck is out of eye sight and everyone looks distracted Eddie heads towards the fridge.
There they are, just as Buck had said.
Eddie grabs the leftovers and heads to the locker room. He really didn’t feel like getting takeout anyways and no one else seemed interested in getting them.
As Eddie grabs his stuff and is ready to leave he remembers how tired Buck looked. He really looks like he hasn’t slept well in a while.
Suddenly, an idea pops in Eddie’s head. Buck did give him the food after all, even if indirectly, so who is Eddie if not someone that repays favors?
Eddie quickly gets out the extra hoodie he always has in his bag and puts it in Buck’s locker before leaving, making sure no one saw him. Hopefully that helps Buck sleep better. Even if just slightly, anything to help him not look so dead on his feet.
Eddie goes to his truck and looks towards the gym before leaving, it’s better like this, Eddie reminds himself, he’ll find someone better.
Eddie turns on the car and leaves the firehouse in his rearview mirror as he drives away. The streetlights the only thing illuminating the dark streets.
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Buck made sure to let everyone know not to grab the leftovers he left in the fridge before going up the stairs. He’s not sure what Eddie is going through but he always forgets to eat or just chooses not to, so Buck would feel much better if he took some food home.
Christopher’s day off was tomorrow and even though they’re not together anymore, Buck knows Eddie is a good dad, always trying to help his son but also wanting to spend time with him. That’s why the second he saw Eddie asked for someone to cover his shift tomorrow, he quickly accepted it.
Now, Buck is working out his stress in the firehouse gym. The best way to let anger out, utilizing it to get better, stronger, faster. You never know when you need to run out of a burning and collapsing building, some having that occurrence more commonly than others.
As Buck thinks that, the alarm goes off. There’s no way he jinxed it, he didn’t even say it, just thought it.
There is NO way he actually jinxed it. Buck watches as the B shift and Chimney get closer to the burning apartments from the window he’s next to in the firetruck.
“Buckley! Gonzalez! You’re both going in. There’s word the fire alarm didn’t go off and some people either don’t know or are stuck somewhere.” the B shift captain yells out as they skirt to a stop.
Buck makes quick work to get an oxygen tank, his mask and everything else before going into the building. As he looks behind him for his partner he’s reminded of the change, Gavin Gonzalez is here, not Eddie Diaz.
No time to think about that, no matter how much it pains him every time he looks back, there’s people’s life at stake here.
Buck and Gavin go through most of the apartment knocking on doors and directing people towards the exits. Buck hates these kinds of owners. The greedy ones, the ones that only think about one green and not people’s lives. They really think saving a few extra dollars on fire alarms is an investment. Eddie would’ve probably already voiced out those thoughts if he was here.
After about 20 minutes of Buck and Gavin heading down hallways, knocking on doors and directing people to exits, the radio sparks to life with urgency, “Buckley, Gonzalez, out now! The building is one strong wind away from collapsing in itself.” the captain’s voice statically commands.
“On our way, captn. We are on floor 3.” Buck radios back.
“Help! My dad! Help, please!” the firefighters suddenly hear from the right side of the hallway.
“One more save and we leave with them?” Buck asks, being reminded of how if it was Eddie they wouldn’t even have to talk, both mentally agreeing, in sync as always, even after everything.
“One more.” Gavin smirks before heading towards the voice, Buck on his tail.
They find a small boy, no older than ten, standing next to the unconscious body of a man, “Help my dad! He was trying to get me out but he tripped and didn’t get back up.” the little boy begs, tears uncontrollably streaming down his face.
Buck would’ve grabbed the man but Gavin was slightly bigger than Buck and also grabbed him first, “I don’t know how to handle kids, I’ll take the dad, you take the boy?” Gavin asks, taking a hold of the dad’s arms.
“Ok,” Buck confirms, understanding and knowing he is better at communicating with children, “Hey buddy, thank you for calling out for help, my friend here will help your dad out. You’re really brave, what’s your name?” Buck makes conversation, waiting for Gonzalez to have a good hold on the dad before taking the kid in his own arms.
“Dylan” the boy mumbles, wrapping his arms around Buck’s neck and holding tight.
“Dylan, you were very brave and were able to get help for your dad, we’re gonna head out to safety now, just keep your head low and in my chest to not inhale too much smoke.” Buck quickly explains, getting the go from Gavin and following behind him.
The boy reminds Buck of Christopher, of movie nights, zoo trips, late night dinners and morning pancakes. He holds on tighter every time Buck skips a step down the stairs and buries his head deeper in Buck’s collarbone when he coughs.
“Boys! Tell me you’re close to an exit, the building is a toothpick away from collapsing!” the captain yells through the radio.
“We see an exit!” Buck yells through the radio, never being more grateful for seeing the bright green exit sign across the hallway.
Buck runs behind Gonzalez towards the exit when the floor starts trembling and the ceiling seems to bend into itself.
“Run!” Buck hurries Gavin, ten more steps and there goes another heroic story he can tell Chris.
The floor gives out under Buck’s boot bringing him three feet down just as Gavin makes it out of the building.
Buck tries not to scream but he feels the pain coursing through his leg quickly at the same time as he hears Dylan give a loud yelp.
“Gavin!” he yells out at the man who quickly turns around, dread filling his eyes.
Gavin hands the man off to the EMTs before hurrying back. “C’mon Buck, I got you.”
“Take Dylan, I can get out, just take him.” he says before feeling the arms hold on tighter.
“Don’t leave me Buck!” Dylan, the poor boy who’s already been traumatized enough, begs.
“You need to go with Gavin buddy!” Buck stresses, feeling in his bones how the ceiling is bending more, feeling the tremble of the walls, “We’ll separate for 2 minutes, then I’ll see you outside, Dylan, I promise, just go with Gavin.” Buck says, begging for the boy to go to safety.
Finally, he feels Dylan slowly let go and before letting him think twice, he hands off the boy to Gavin who turns around and runs toward the exit cradling the child.
As Buck starts getting out, he only has time to look up to a distressed Gavin running back before the part of the ceiling in front of the door collapses, blocking the exit and Buck’s possible chance at survival.
Okay, okay, no panicking, this is fine. He can find another exit.
“Buck! Tell me you’re okay behind that debris.” Gavin’s voice screams on the radio.
“I’m ok,” Buck confirms, finally getting out of the hole he had fallen into, “I need to find another exit though, the blockage is too heavy to move.” Buck explains, trying not to panic as he looks around him noticing the fire all around and no sign of another exit close by.
“Buckley, your sister will kill me if I get home with bad news, get out pronto.” Chim commands.
“Only you would think of my sister’s reaction more than my safety, Chim.” Buck jokes, starting to walk in search of another exit. Suddenly, the loud beeping of the SCBA packs starts sounding. Just perfect, his oxygen is running low. He knew they needed to change it soon enough since his mask already has been showing the yellow color for a while and just switched to red.
The pre-alarm sound shows he has around 10 minutes left in his tank, at least if he keeps his breathing even. Buck tries to calm down, can’t go around wasting air when he hasn’t even found an exit yet.
The fire burns in his skin, awfully close to him from all sides as he keeps looking for an exit. “Buck, where are you buddy, keep talking to us, I don’t want you to faint and we don’t know.” Chimney says through the radio.
“No problems with me Chim. Just, y’know, looking for an exit,” Buck tries for lighthearted, “I’m going east now I believe.” he informs as he keeps walking, trying not to trip over the fallen pieces of ceiling, that’s going to come down soon enough.
“Buck, is your oxygen running low? I can hear the pre-alarm beeping.” Chimney stresses.
“Oh, no worries, I have 6 more minutes, more than enough time to find another exit. Any word of the building’s blueprint?”
“Yet to get it, and from out here we only see two exits but they’re covered, try the back of the building.”
“Just my luck.” Buck groans. The apartment is getting lower and Buck is at the bottom floor, if this falls it will hurt.
Buck hurries through the hallways, fighting off the fire from getting to him but feeling like he’s going deeper inside the maze, trapping himself in these falling walls. He looks down at his PSI levels.
He’s not even close to finding an exit and the tank is a minute away from dying.
“Buck, where are you man? We found an-.” Chimney is cut off by the piercing blaring coming from the tank as it finally gives out and deafens everything around Buck.
“Buckar- Bu- -dy, run now- lef- ple-...tell- help. Bu- run.”
Buck can’t hear Chimney through the last screechings of the alarm before it finally gives out. Almost instantly, Buck feels the smoke seeping into the mask, he can’t be here longer.
He has no idea what Chimney said but he doesn’t have time for that, he needs to leave, now.
Another piece of ceiling crashes down and on top of Buck knocking him off balance. He accidentally inhales more smoke trying to recuperate his lungs from the fall that knocked the wind out of him.
Buck is on the floor now, heaving for breath from the dust-filled engulfing smoke with little to no oxygen. Buck turns to his radio to ask for updates on the blueprint.
Fuck.
His radio is completely broken from the hit now.
Buck painstakingly slowly gets up from where he fell, a sitting duck is a dead duck. He needs to move. His skin is burning inside out, his limbs are trembling all over, just getting up took more force than he’d like, the overexertion of his body getting to him.
He’s starting to lose his protection, the mask now has a big broken piece from the ceiling’s hit.
He runs through the hallways and finds nothing, the smoke keeps entering his mask until he’s stuck in a cloud of smoke inside the supposed protective device. He quickly takes off the mask and is slammed with the smell of smoke all around him. The fire getting closer by the second and the exit further away.
He’s tired, he can’t feel his limbs anymore, there’s no exit anywhere near.
He’s not going to make it, Buck realizes, this is it. He can barely move now, his vision is blurry, his radio is broken, he has no oxygen, no exit in sight, this is the end for Evan Buckley. At least he gets to go out in a flurry of red and orange, of courage and bravery.
Buck tries to fight it but he can’t help his legs from buckling under him and his body from powering off, the prolonged time of being surrounded by fire and smoke. Taking his body to its max and then some more getting to him, he’s laying now but he can feel his muscles still trembling all over.
Buck can’t move from the spot he’s laying on now, he can feel the fire mocking him, laughing in his face, excited to get their hold on the one who’s escaped their clutches so many times, and it’ll finally get it. He has no fight in him, he’s drained.
Buck slowly gets his phone out of his pocket. Maybe, just maybe. Buck goes to Eddie’s contact and ponders but presses call before he can regret it.
No signal, just his luck.
Buck goes to record instead and presses play, he can’t leave without saying goodbye, he can’t do that to them.
“If you’re watching this, I didn’t make it…or maybe I’m in the hospital, who knows. Anyways,” Buck weakly coughs before continuing, “I- I wanted to say my goodbyes. Maddie, my big sister, I love you so much. Thank you for being the mom I always needed. I didn’t have a good childhood but your presence always made it so much better, no matter what was going on,” Buck whispers into the microphone. He starts coughing from the breath he tried to take, suddenly not able to get control of his lungs. After a minute of gasping for breath he finally composes himself again, “I love you Mads, us against the world…Chim, Hen, Cap, you guys have no idea how grateful I am to have found you. I have the family I always longed for, the family I always needed. Hen, my older sister who always protects me, Chim, my older brother who bullies me through everything but I can always count on for support. Cap, the father I always wanted, longed for and found. The tower I could rely on to keep me up when I couldn’t myself. I love you all, I’m grateful for all of you and…I’m sorry for not being able to fight more.”
Buck goes quiet for a while, a few seconds, anything to try to breathe better. He needs to finish this message, that’s the least he can do, even if talking is burning his throat all over.
He breathes for a few more seconds, turning towards the stairs that are ignited, shining a bright red, at least he’ll die in a poetic way. He can feel the warmth of the fire, he feels it hugging him, welcoming him, excited to receive him, what will kill him gives him comfort in his last moments, how ironic.
The smoke is all built up, the walls keep creaking everywhere, the ceiling has more cracks everywhere now, he has two minutes if anything.
“Eddie,” Buck proceeds, his voice growing tired, his energy leaving him, “my beloved…I’m sorry…I’m sorry for whatever it is I did. I didn’t mean to cross any boundaries. I didn’t mean to-” Buck shakes with overwhelming coughs again, fights through them, even if they rattle his energy to a zero, he has to finish, has to let him know, “I didn’t- I didn’t want us to end this way. I’m sorry. I will always love you. You’ve been my endgame. You are my Evangeline,” he says, remembering the last time they were together they saw The Princess and The Frog, Buck’s favorite character being able to meet with his love in the end broke him and Eddie comforted him that night, “I- I hope we can meet in the stars someday.” Tears start streaming down Buck’s eyes as he smiles at the ceiling that is now turned a sickly mocking reddish.
He presses end recording before using what’s left of his strength to send the message to the 118 group chat and pocketing the phone again. Even if it doesn’t send right now, once it gets an ounce of signal, it’ll send and they will receive it.
Buck smiles at the ceiling as the cracks grow larger, he closes his eyes and rummages through his memories for all the moments he can think of with his family. His sister’s happy family, Bobby, Athena and their family, Hen with her wife and kids, Chim making his sister happy. Chris and Eddie…his boys, laughing together, being each other's towers.
He should’ve asked Eddie for more information, should’ve tried harder to fix whatever he did wrong. He could’ve changed, for Eddie he would’ve. Buck coughs again, the smoke is too much now, he can barely breathe now, he will die full of regrets.
He opens his eyes one last time just to see the ceiling finally give in.
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“”Buck, where are you man? We found an exit on the left side.” Chimney tries to inform Buck, stressing over the man that’s been stuck inside the hellfire for 10 minutes already.
“Buckaroo, Buck, buddy, run now. Go left. Run please, I can’t be the one telling everyone I couldn’t help. Buck, you have to run.”
No response.
Chimney doesn’t know what to do. He already got yelled at by the captain, no one is allowed back inside. The building making too much noise of being unstable than they’d like it to.
Everyone is working double time trying to calm down the ever-growing flames, trying to find a way to get Buck out without going in.
And they did, they searched and searched and found a hidden door behind a weird wall, probably where all the suspicious stuff was happening, the perfect exit for Buck, if he’d only answer.
“Buck!” Chimney yells into the radio again, receiving no reply.
Something is wrong, Buck knows not to joke around with these things, he would’ve answered. “Buck, I need you to answer please.” Nothing.
“Captain! Buck isn’t responding anymore, let me go inside, please!” Chimney begs.
“No! We will not lose two firefighters. He can make it out, but if he doesn’t I don’t want to break two families’ hearts,” the captain looks regretfully at Chimney, with understanding but determination in his tone, “I will try to slow down the flames, give him the most time we can, but no one goes in anymore.”
Chimney stomps away, he needs to do something. If it was any of the A shift, they probably would’ve ran inside already, but Chim can’t. He’s being guarded by an equally worried firefighter that was assigned to make sure Chim didn’t run inside. The one who went in with Buck, ironically.
“I- I’m sorry, Han, I should’ve stayed with him, I should’ve helped more.”
“No, no this is not your fault, you did your duty as a firefighter. You ensured the boy was safe before anything. That’s what we do, help civilians first, us after.” Chimney defends, as much as he’d want to blame him, he knows it isn’t his fault. Anyone would’ve done what he did, and everyone saw him run back to Buck the second the boy was out, almost get crushed by the debris too, trying to make it to Buck. He doesn’t blame him, “Where is the kid by the way?”
“After a lot of screaming and wanting Buck they convinced him to go to the hospital to get checked with his dad. Told him they needed all hands looking for Buck so they needed him to go so they can know he’s safe. That convinced him fast.” the firefighter chuckled lightly.
“Fairly so, at least he’s safe now.” Chimney reflects.
Suddenly, the floor shakes and rumbles, everything starts trembling as the building gives one last groan before half of it falls into itself.
“No no no no no please, please, no, Buck.” Chimney stammers out, feeling his energy draining as the gravity of the situation slams into him.
“Everyone, hands on, we need to put out the fire so we can search for Buckley, now!” the captain yells as he also grabs a hold of another hose.
Chimney quickly follows, needing to be useful in helping, the other firefighter following behind.
After what feels like too long, the fire finally gives out and everyone starts rummaging through the debris, in search of specific turnouts. This is taking too much time, it’s taking too long, they need to find Buck now.
Something catches Chimney’s eyes when he turns to his captain. Something shines through the debris. Metal? It could be nothing, but he needs to be sure.
As he moves the obstacles from the metal he sees an arm. An arm connected to a body. A body that is connected to a face that shows either a sign of burn or a birthmark on top of an eyebrow.
“I found him!” Chimney yells, trying to pull the man from the rest of the things on top of him.
Soon enough there are hands everywhere, helping him get the unconscious body out and set it on a gurney. They try waking him as they move him but he doesn’t even flinch, his body as slack as spaghetti if the spaghetti were 220 pounds of pure muscle.
They find a very small pulse but a pulse nonetheless. He’s alive, barely but one has to choose his battles, and Chim will take what he can get.
Buck’s broken all over, or looks to be. His face is half caked in blood, his arm is at a definitely broken angle, there are cuts all over his turnout gear which means they reached his skin. He’s purple and blue all over. Probably has some ribs broken too from the fallen ceiling.
They quickly put him inside the ambulance and drive to the hospital.
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Eddie was in his bed, not sleeping but not awake either, when his phone pings with a notification. He lousely opens his eyes and checks the phone, a video from Buck sent to the group chat.
He’s about to press play when his phone startles him as it suddenly rings with an incoming call from a random phone number.
Something slowly twists in his stomach as it begs Eddie to answer, so he does.
“Hello, is this Mr. Edmundo Diaz?”
“Yes, this is him.”
“Hello, Mr. Diaz, you are marked as Mr. Evan Buckley’s emergency contact,” wait, Buck still left him as emergency contact? And if they’re calling him…
“Is he okay? Is he in the hospital? What happened?” the questions spurt out of Eddie with no stop.
“He was injured while working. He is currently being wheeled into surgery. We need you to come sign some papers and make some decisions for Mr. Buckley, if you could-”
“Okay, okay, okay. I’m on my way. What hospital is it?”
“St. Christopher Hospital.” Of course it is. Eddie subconsciously plays with his necklace.
“”On my way.” he says before hanging up and going to Carla’s contact, putting it on speaker and getting ready.
“Eddie! My second favorite Diaz, what’s up?”
“Carla, I need you to come to the house and watch Christopher, please. Buck got injured at work, I’m going to the hospital.”
“I’m on my way. Go give our boy some company.”
Eddie doesn’t remember hanging up, he doesn’t remember grabbing his keys. He doesn’t remember getting on the truck and he doesn’t remember driving to the hospital. Eddie blinks and he’s running inside the hospital towards the front office.
“I’m looking for Evan Buckley, I’m his emergency contact.” Eddie probably looks so disheveled right now, his hair uncombed and all over the place, shirt all crumbled, he’s pretty sure his socks don’t match.
“Evan Buckley…” the receptionist types out, too slow for Eddie’s liking,”Edmundo Diaz?”
“Yes, that’s me.”
“Can I see some ID?”
He doesn’t have time for this! Eddie quickly pulls out his ID from his wallet, “Is he okay? They told me he was in surgery, what for? Is it grave?”
“Okay, Mr. Diaz, I understand you’re anxious, please follow me to the waiting room where you can wait for the doctor.”
“I don’t need the waiting room! I’ve been there enough times, I know where it is. I just need to know if it’s bad…please.” Eddie begs.
That finally gets a reaction out of her. Not one Eddie would’ve liked, but it’s the only thing he’s gotten out of her. She’s looking at Eddie with phantom pain and pity. The same pitiful face Eddie pulls when there’s an accident where one patient is begging to know if the other is okay, if they’re alive, because deep down he knows they won’t make it.
“The doctor will be with you shortly to explain everything. There is a firefighter in the waiting room also awaiting news on Mr. Buckley, if you’d like to speak to them.”
That was enough confirmation, that look and the avoidance of answering told him enough. It’s bad. The problem is how bad.
Eddie stomps off towards the waiting room. He doesn’t need directions. He’s been here enough. He’s been here through it all, blood clots, bombing, tsunami, lighting and more, he’s been here for every single one. He knows where to wait.
Hopefully he’ll get more information out of whoever from B shift decided to stay.
As Eddie opens the door to the waiting room, he sees Chimney sitting on an uncomfortable-looking couch in the middle of the waiting room. The bottom half of his turnouts are still on and full of dust, dirty all over, looking disheveled and like he’s been crying, his phone in hand. Eddie had forgotten Chimney had that shift for today too.
“Chim, what happened?” Eddie cuts the greetings, getting to the point as he walks inside fully now, taking a seat in front of a surprised Chimney, he’d be insane if he thought Eddie wasn’t going to show up.
“I- I tried my best, I promise you, Eddie. I really did, I’m so so sorry.” Chimney stutters out.
“Chimney. What happened?” Eddie starts mentally preparing himself. Chimney can’t even say it, how bad was it really?
Chimney looks into Eddie’s eyes, searching for something. Eddie doesn’t know what but it looks like he found it because all fight and energy drains out of him.
“We- we were called into a burning apartment complex. Buck and Gonzalez went in…only Gonzalez got out,” Eddie feels his heart stop for a few seconds, feels the blood draining from his face and suddenly he’s lightheaded. Getting injured is one thing but getting stuck inside a burning building? That is so much worse.
“We- he tried to find another exit,” Chimney continues, “he was in the building for 10 minutes before he went to contact. Gonzalez’s oxygen tank was almost empty so his was probably too…”
Oh Buck, everything burning around him and he has no oxygen, what did he go through? Why did he go no contact?
“The building, it- it went down…with Buck still inside. It took us another 10 minutes to kill the flames and 5 more to find him in the rubble, by the time we got to him he was unconscious, bleeding all over.” Chimney explained, his voice growing quieter and quieter the more he talked.
“Eddie, Eddie, I couldn’t go inside, I tried to go in, save him, the captain put guards on me so I wouldn’t go in.” Chimney grabbed Eddie by the shoulders, begging him to believe.
“I believe you, Chim.” Eddie nods, his hands are shaking now, he can’t get ahold of himself, this can't be happening. There's no way Buck went through that and didn't go through major physical trauma, “How was his state? When you found him.”
“He- his arm was twisted… broken I think. He was unconscious, his head bleeding, scratches all over him, bruising too. He… he coded on us on the way to the hospital.” Chim whispers that last part, as if he himself is trying not to believe it.
Eddie doesn't know what to think. Buck almost died on him, again.
Suddenly, the doors burst open with a very angry tear-streaked face, Maddie walking in and locking eyes with Eddie almost instantly, pausing for a second before stalking over to him. Behind her Bobby, Athena and Hen walk in.
They look at Eddie with pity before going towards Chimney and pulling him a little further away from the possible collateral damage area.
“You need to fix this. Whatever it is that happened. I don't know and I don't care who's at fault, but that man loves you so much. When he wakes up, which he will, you will walk in there and fix whatever it is that happened.” Maddie growls at Eddie.
Eddie is caught off guard, he thought Maddie would ask about Buck's condition, not about their break up problems.
“I- I'm just here to make sure he's okay, Maddie, he probably doesn't even want to see me. I just want to know that he's okay.”
“You- you don't- you haven't seen it, have you, Eddie?” Maddie says, looking slightly perplexed at Eddie, as if he was a puzzle piece she'd been trying to complete but is missing a piece.
“What? Seen what?”
Everyone turns to Eddie slowly, pain in their faces and some form of pity. He hates those looks. He can feel his heart sinking though, realizing maybe he is missing a puzzle piece.
“Seen what, Maddie?” He asks again, anxious now, what did he miss?
“He- Buck sent a video to the groupchat… while he- while he was inside…”
“What”
No, no, no. Eddie doesn't want to see that, no he won't see it because he knows what's in there. Buck's last words, Buck's goodbyes.
Eddie can't watch that. Especially not when he knows Buck probably let his frustration out on finally realizing the scum Eddie is, what he did to Buck. He will tell Eddie how fucked up what he did was. Because it's true, it is. Eddie sees it now. He had been pushing Buck away to not hurt hun, but that call from the hospital? No matter how much it hurts to receive them, he doesn't want anyone else to get them but him. He wants to be the one to know.
Eddie realizes now, it's human to hurt those one loves, Eddie has hurt him so many times, but so had he, and Athena has hurt Bobby and vice versa. That's what being human is. It is how one acts after that matters, how they fix it, and Eddie will be damned if he doesn't fix it. He will fix it.
So he can't look at a dying Buck in a burning building telling Eddie his truths and how much he messed up. If he's even mentioned. Eddie's not sure what'll hurt more, Buck telling him everything he did wrong or Buck's goodbyes not even mentioning Eddie.
So no, he can't see it, not until Buck is out of the hospital and well, then he will fix it. Once Buck is well. For now, he just needs to know Buck's okay.
“It's in the group chat.” Maddie says, seeing his conflict in his facial expressions.
“I'm not watching that. Whatever was said, I don't need to know it.”
They all look at each other, seeing Eddie's conviction, before Hen speaks up for them all, “I think you do need to see it, Eddie.”
The way she says it, like it's vital, that's what makes Eddie stop in his tracks. He needs to see it?
Eddie looks at Hen dumbfounded for a few seconds. Okay, okay, okay he can quickly watch it then never see it again, right? How hard can that be?
Eddie slowly takes his phone out, hears as everyone's breath hitches, their eyes focused on Eddie. His hands start trembling as he opens the group chat, it was the message he saw when the hospital called. He was so worried he had forgotten to watch it and had completely forgotten about it.
Eddie clicks on the video and raises the volume. His eyes tear up as he sees the burning building surrounding Buck, getting closer little by little, he sees the way the ceiling slowly gets more and more cracks.
Eddie hears Buck say his goodbyes to everyone, hears him fighting through exhaustion and smoke inhalation to talk, to finish what he has to say, and it hurts Eddie. It hurts to hear Buck like this, in what he thought were his last moments, the blaze getting closer to him and him just accepting it. It hurts Eddie physically.
Then Eddie hears what he thought he wouldn't be hearing, “Eddie… my beloved.” That's enough to tear at Eddie's heart. He can't hold it together anymore, his hands are uncontrollably shaking as he barely keeps a hold on his phone, Buck called him his beloved, Buck doesn't hate him, Buck still cares for him.
“I'm sorry for-” Eddie hears Buck apologize, apologize for something he didn't even do. Eddie can't believe it, Buck thought it was his fault. He thought he caused this. He would never, Buck would never do that, but it stabs Eddie to hear Buck apologize for something he thought was his fault.
“You were my Evangeline.”
Eddie crumples to the ground.
He falls hard and fast, with nothing to slow him down or prevent it. He was sitting on a chair one second and the next he's clutching at the ground and at his chest because he can't stand it. He can't stand the pain his heart is feeling right now.
What did he do? Why would he break up with such a wonderful person? They could've fixed it. Whatever problems they had, if Eddie had just talked it out Buck would’ve never felt the need to apologize.
Maddie runs to Eddie and falls next to him, hugging him from behind, letting him crumple under her hold.
“I- I caused this. I should've never pushed him away.” Eddie cries to the seven seas.
Suddenly, he feels more hands on him, hugging him,giving him strength. Eddie opens his eyes to see Athena, Bobby and Hen hugging him from wherever they can.
“It is not your fault Eddie, you didn't know there would be a fire. You didn't know this would happen.” Bobby sternly says.
“But I pushed him away, had I not done that he would've been at home… with me and Christopher.”
“You don't know that, Eddie. And what happened happened. Now, what matters is how you act from now on. What you do after this, that’s what matters to us.” Athena says, hugging Eddie a tad bit harder for a second.
Suddenly a doctor walks in, “family of Evan Buckley?”
“That’s us.” Maddie quickly says.
“I have noted down Edmundo Diaz…” he says with skepticism. What is it with these doctors and needing a specific person, just say it.
“That's me.” Eddie says, standing up from the floor where they made a circle of comfort.
“Ah,” he nods with a small smile, “my name is Dr. Mendoza and I am Mr. Buckley's doctor. Can I speak to you privately or are you comfortable with them listening in, Mr. Diaz” Dr. Mendoza nods towards the group on the floor and Maddie next to Eddie.
“They're his family too, they can listen.”
“Ok, well I would like to start with saying Mr. Buckley is alive,” everyone breathes for the first time since stepping foot there, “yes, I knew that'd be some wanted news,” he says, his face slowly turning into a more regretful one, here it comes, Eddie can feel it, the but that will tear his world down, “unfortunately there were some complications what with the extensive amount of injuries and smoke inhalation his lungs endured.” the doctor proceeds.
“Don't sugarcoat it doc, we're all first responders, we know the dangers. Just give it to us straight, please.” Eddie impatiently tells him.
“Ah… well, Mr. Buckley will need to be placed in a medically induced coma, due to the gravity of his injuries we want to give his body time to focus only on his body recovering. He suffered a broken ulna on his left arm, three cracked ribs, two broken ones, a greenstick fracture on his tibia in his right leg and a severe concussion without counting the deep bruising all over his body. We would need you to sign on it Mr. Diaz, if you consent.” Mr. Mendoza finished.
Oh Buck. What did he go through consciously and what did he suffer unconsciously?
“I- I'll sign off on it, if it's the best solution for Buck to recover," Eddie agrees, looking back at Maddie for confirmation who agrees quickly, “when will we be able to visit him?”
“Once he is in a confirmed coma we will move him to a room and I will come find you to let you know you can visit him.” Dr. Mendoza smiles tightly, pulling a form from his coat and giving it to Eddie to sign.
Minutes tick by slowly, everyone sitting awaiting the doctor’s return. Eddie is spiraling in a corner, not sure of anything anymore. He should’ve been there, he should’ve been with Buck. Maybe then he could’ve prevented all this from happening. He could’ve prevented Buck from getting hurt once again. Could’ve helped. Could've been faster. Done something.
“I didn’t tell you I’m sorry…I still haven’t fixed things.” Eddie needs to do it while there’s still time. One never does know when a loved one will leave, especially in their line of work. He doesn’t have the luxury of saying he’ll do it tomorrow, because the tomorrows are never set in stone, they aren’t granted. So Eddie can’t wait for a tomorrow that might not come. The second Buck wakes up and allows Eddie to visit him, he will tell him, he will spill out his heart on the floor and crush it if Buck tells him to. He doesn’t care, he’ll do anything, as long as he can wait for a new tomorrow with Buck by his side.
The doctor finally makes an appearance, “If you will follow me, I will lead you to his room.” he tells Eddie and the rest.
They follow the doctor down hallways and doors and fluorescent lights that hit the eye just in the wrong spot and they follow him towards their friend, their son, their brother, their partner.
Once they arrive the doctor tells them to not make too much noise before retreating.
They slowly walk in, each one of them stopping for a second when they see the broken body before finding a place to sit in. Eddie walks in and sees him, in all his beauty. Beautiful, kind and amazing Buck, laying unconscious with tubes down his throat and a sling on his arm and his leg on a cast. There’s probably more bandages under those covers, but Eddie doesn’t want to think about that. Just wants to think about the amazing beeping the machine is doing, signifying Buck is alive, survived.
After hours of everyone sitting together, they slowly start filtering out, going to their homes, their loved ones, but Eddie stays. He stays because his loved one is on the bed, recovering from his injuries.
Hen has the generosity of telling Eddie she will take care of Chris for a few days while Eddie processes everything. So he doesn’t have to worry about one more thing while waiting for his Evangeline to wake up.
Eddie stays in the hospital as the days pass and the nights shimmer. He stays through everything, getting accustomed to the nurses that check up on Buck. They now check up on him too, sometimes fighting him to get food or have some sleep, allowing him to use the shower in Buck’s room when Hen appears to bring him a change of clothes.
Through it all, Eddie stays next to Buck, sometimes on the couch, sometimes on a chair pulled closer, sometimes sitting on the bed, but he is always next to him, waiting for him. He stays as people visit and leave, as they talk to Buck and then to Eddie, as they walk away to go back to the nonstopping days.
A day ago Dr. Mendoza took Buck off the ECMO machine saying it was time for him to awaken. He didn’t. He stayed still and pale as the doctor waited and Eddie panicked. The doctor told Eddie it was normal and sometimes it took more time for them to wake up due to the amount of time they were under. He said it could take hours or it could take days.
Ever since then, Eddie stayed on his side, scared for Buck to wake up with no one. He hasn’t eaten in so long, waiting for Buck to wake up, but he doesn’t, not even a flinch on his fingers.
“Mr. Diaz, you need food.” the nurse, Maggie, tells Eddie, walking in again to check up on an unmoving Buck and an equally unmoving Eddie.
“Sorry Maggie, can’t. He will wake up soon, I can feel it. I need to be here when he does so he’s not alone.”
“What about this, you go quickly to the cafeteria to get some food and I will stay here and look over Mr. Buckley until you come back. That way you can be sure he won’t be alone.” Maggie smiles at Eddie. Honestly, it’s not that bad of an idea, Eddie hasn’t eaten all day and it’s already getting dark outside.
“You will do that?”
“I will, Mr. Diaz, you go eat quickly and I will be here when you come back.”
“Ok ok, I’ll be quick.” Eddie says, finally getting up from his position on the couch, his bad aching all over and his muscles screaming at the strain of being put in a position for hours and then being stretched out.
Eddie gets up after letting the soreness calm before going towards the cafeteria downstairs, looking back at Buck one last time, promising himself to be fast.
As Eddie quickly eats the cafeteria food, not the best but not the worst, he thinks back to Buck and when they were together. They were so happy, how could Eddie ever think he would mess it up. Eddie is going to fix it.
Eddie starts walking back to the room, he’s taken enough time, ten minutes have passed already.
“EDDIE!”
What the-
“Eddie!!”
That’’s- that- it can’t be.
Eddie starts sprinting down the hallway. There’s no way. There’s no way the second he leaves, Buck decides to wake up.
Eddie sprints and he’s not sure he’s ever run this fast in his life, but it’s still not fast enough, so he pushes his body to go faster.
Finally, he reaches the room and barges inside to a room full of doctors trying to calm down and stop a heavy breathing, crying Buck from getting up.
“Hey, hey, it’s me. I’m here, stay in your bed, Buck. I’m here.” Eddie says, pushing himself past the doctors to grab Buck’s shoulders and get his attention.
When they make eye contact Buck seems to turn into a statue. He stops all movement just to stare at Eddie, stare and long and then cry out to him.
“Eddie! I thought- I was- where am I? Where were you?” Buck cries to him, grabbing him by the waist with his uninjured arm and trying with the one that's in a cast and on a sling.
Eddie quickly hugs him back, “Hey, I just went to go get some food quickly. I’m here now, it's okay. We’re at the hospital,” Eddie tries to explain to Buck when a doctor slightly pulls Eddie back, “Ask him what he remembers please, he only talks coherently with you but we need to know to assess him.” he tells Eddie.
“Do you remember what happened, Buck?” Eddie asks Buck, going back to being next to him.
“I- I think so. I remember fire and burning. I remember the ceiling with cracks. I… I think I remember making a phone call.”
At least his concussion isn’t horrible. It could’ve been so much worse.
The rest of the day consists of more check ups to ensure Buck is okay and his brain works well, which it does. Eddie spends his time next to Buck making phone calls to everyone else sharing the news. Buck stops speaking if Eddie isn’t around, which doesn’t help the doctors so they decide to keep Eddie inside close to him.
As the day comes to an end, the doctors decide to keep Buck for a week to make sure there is no problem with any of his other injuries that they might have missed.
Buck being Buck, complains about it wanting to leave and go to his house already. Eddie stays next to him and reassures him that it’s for his health.
“Eddie, I don’t know what’s real and what’s my imagination,” Buck says as he tries to sleep in the darkness of the hospital, the machine still beeping constantly, “I don’t know if my mind is playing me tricks, but it’s- it’s telling me that…that we aren’t…”
“Not anymore.” Eddie confirms, understanding where Buck was getting and also understanding the not wanting to say it, not wanting it to be real.
“Then why are you here?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? You got hurt, Buck. You got hurt and I’m your emergency contact because you didn’t change it, and I don’t want you to change it. I almost blew my own head off seeing you hurt all over, tubes coming out of you, Buck. You coded for goodness sakes! You almost died on me and I wouldn’t have been able to tell you how sorry I am. How stupid I was for pushing you away. I wouldn’t have been able to fix things.” Eddie finishes, breath uneven and sweating now from reliving it in his head all over.
Buck’s lower lip trembles as he tries his hardest to hold it back.
“I didn’t- I thought I was bad for you, Evan. I thought with me around you’d get hurt over and over, and I was wrong. You get hurt even without me there, physically and mentally. I realized I…I do want to be there, I want to be the one to comfort you. To hold you when you cry and when you smile. I want to be there, I need you in my life. You, next to Chris and me…that’s my family.” Eddie says, not able to hold back the flow of tears from spilling. This is what he was going to do. Rip his heart out and give it to Buck to do whatever he pleases with it.
Eddie finally looks up to Buck, beautiful radiant Buck who is crying again and who’s trying to hold himself back but can’t.
“Please…say something.”
“I- I’ve been trying so hard to fix everything, to make everything work, I should’ve been there for you. I should’ve seen what you really felt, Eddie. I’m sorry. I just wanted to make everything better for us.” Buck finally says, meeting Eddie’s equally crystalized eyes.
“How about we’re both sorry, huh?” Eddie jokes, earning a sniffle and a chuckle from his favorite person as he slowly and softly holds his cheek with one hand.
“ok” Buck agrees with a whisper, smiling softly, leaning his face to Eddie’s warm hands.
They slowly drift together, once again in the same wavelength, almost reading each other's thoughts as they get closer to one another.
The kiss tastes of pain, hurt, salt from the tears, but also of love, forgiveness and home. They move in sync with each other, slowly and delicately, as if both are scared this isn’t true.
“Please, lay with me.” Buck offers to Eddie, scooting to the side so Eddie can have space.
“As you wish, my Evangeline.” Eddie agrees, softly getting on the bed and hugging Buck, finally feeling his heart slow and breathe.
The next morning Buck wakes up cold. Unsure of what’s real and what isn’t, when memories of the day before hit him like a freight train, but if that’s true then why is he cold? Wouldn’t he be in Eddie’s arms?
Buck slowly opens his eyes, scared but prepared for the harsh truth, when he’s met with beautiful chocolate ones staring right at him.
“I got us coffee.” Eddie smiles.
And Buck’s body settles for the first time. It calms down like the mere look into Eddie’s eyes shut down the torment in his head.
And Bucks knows, it was going to be okay. They were going to be okay.