Chapter Text
Shane thought it was rather strange that right after Hayden invited them to a camping trip, Jackie called almost immediately.
However, after only 5 seconds into the call, he can see why.
"—I'm sorry Shane, I forgot to call you before but um... I'm so sorry?"
Shane was annoyed—not at Jackie, of course—no, he was annoyed and dreading the trip. Because the one person that could piss off Shane the most was invited.
"Dick-son?" Ilya asked, snacking on Cheetos puffs, while still watching his finding bigfoot show or whatever.
Fucking Dixon. Hayden's cousin.
"Dick-son." Ilya grunted as he popped another Cheeto in his mouth, as the men on the tv started making whale mating calls and hoots. "Only a Pike would call their children horrible names."
Shane can go on for days reading off the list of reasons why Dixon just sucked. But worst part of it all is that Dixon isn't that bad of a guy. And god that only irritates him more. He is just...well. Something about him just makes Shane want to punch someone.
Shane grumbled as he began to meticulously plan for the trip, now having to factor in that Dixon was coming along as well.
"And why do we not like Dick-son?"
"He's—ugh—its hard to explain." Shane groaned as he wrote socks twice on the list.
"...is he homophobe?"
"No, no. I don't think so." He shook his head. "And it's not that."
"...is he creep?"
"Not really? Its—well—you'll have to meet him to know."
"Mm."
The tv flashing with a blurry mess as people screamed about how they think they heard something. The music and dramatic effects making it sound way more interesting than what it actually was. However, Ilya loved these shows. Hell, he even had a marathon week watching as many ghost hunting shows as he could to the point they couldn't turn any of the lights off at night for a while.
Shane's phone buzzed next to his notepad.
"Scott is coming too." Shane typed out a 'can't wait to see you guys again' before hitting send to Kip.
"How? I thought old people houses were like old people prisons."
"And Kip is coming with him."
"Ahh, so his caretaker coming with him."
Shane snorted.
Then stared at his list of clothes, gear and stuff. He felt a slight twinge of anxiousness.
"...We don't have to go, you know?"
Ilya finally tore his eyes away from the screen, sensing Shane's mood starting to shift.
"...But?"
"...We have to go. Fuck." Shane loudly groaned while dropping his pen, face in hands. "We haven't seen everyone in a while since our wedding!"
"Then it is simple, we go, we say hi, find bigfoot, become famous, and go home. We can ignore Dick-son."
"We are famous, Ilya—wait." He turned to Ilya who paused while eating the Cheeto. "...No wonder why you're not bitching about Scott and Hayden, you just want to go find Sasquatch!"
"I do not bitch." He ate the Cheeto and licked his fingertips. "And Sass-squash is out there. Stepping around with big fucking feet."
Shane groaned.
"Just push me into the lake, let me get hypothermia so we can cancel-"
"No, no, no," Ilya wrapped his arms around Shane, pulling him into his chest. "It will be fine. We leave Anya with your parents. We go to stupid camp, have fun, and come home, having more fun, yes?"
Shane grunts as he leaned into the Cheeto flavored kiss on his cheek.
"Dixon isn't going to make that seem that simple, though."
"Well, Dick-son needs to go be dick somewhere else." He rubbed his arm, which calmed him down somewhat. "It will be okay."
Shane pursed his lips before sighing.
"Yeah, no I—yes. I can just ignore him. He's just some guy and I am a fucking literal professional hockey player."
Shane tried so hard not to physically recoil in disgust upon seeing the unfortunately familiar figure approach Shane's Jeep as they parked on the gravel space the signs pointed them to. The annoying and punchable face already smugly smiling as he shouted something.
"...Can I just hit him and say we didn't see him?"
"We are already parked."
"Shit."
Dixon slid up to the door and knocked on the window waving for him to roll it down. Shane plastered on a smile.
"Dixon-"
"Shawnaaa so good to see ya—heeey who's this handsome stranger over here!" Dixon's arm shot into the car as his hand nearly smacked Shane's face while he held a hand out for Ilya. "Nice to meet ya!"
Ilya hesitantly shook the hand.
"Ilya. Shane's husband."
"Wowee, Shawna! A married man, huh? Was wondering when you were gonna get the ol' whistle wet. But look at you! Married! Huh!"
Jesus...
Shane's back felt itchy with every obnoxious word.
Before he could reply, the man pulled away.
"Gotta go let Hayds know that his best bud is here now! Oh, and the kids too! They are gonna love spending all day with ya guys while me and Hayds go fishing!"
Shane rolled up his window, shutting the car off and they sat in silence as they watch the lanky man stumble away.
"..Mm. He is...I do not know what word."
"Exactly. That's why I can't explain it."
"Shawna?"
"His stupid nickname for me."
"And...have we been assigned the children?"
"Mm-hm."
"...So probably no sasquatch hunting?"
"Nope." Shane said, popping the 'p'.
"...You should have hit him."
"—over here, we have the cabin area. Each cabin group is assigned a group letter and each cabin a number. You all have group C, cabins 5 to 8." The ranger, named Alisa, acting as their tour guide chirped as she led them on the path.
The group following consisted of Shane, Ilya, Hayden, and the twins. Jackie and the other kids were at their cabin while Scott and Kip have yet to arrive. Dixon was wherever the fuck.
However camping wasn't really something Shane done much of growing up. Just the few times going with parents, friends or such. So, Shane's never been in this particular campground-national park...thing before. And in all honestly, he thinks he would have been better off without knowing it existed.
Every wooden structure and signs all held together by termites and mouse shit.
If Shane could give the place a review, he would rather just call the cops.
Unfortunately word got around that famous hockey players were coming to visit—a ranger was sent to accompany them for a short tour and info dump.
"—before that was placed, we had a statue of a beaver made entirely of driftwood!" Alisa pointed at the pile of stacked rocks that the paths seemed to converge around.
Jade put her hand up.
"Miss Alisa, where's the beaver statue?"
"The beavers took it apart."
"Oh..."
Ilya leaned towards Shane to whisper. "Must have been Bigfoot."
Ruby put her hand up excitedly.
"Yes?"
"Can we see the beavers?"
"Weeell we don't know where they are for sure, but if you see them, just let them do their thing, and let us know. Okay?"
Both Jade and Ruby nodded in unison, saying 'okay' at the exact same time and tone, trailing after the ranger.
Hayden grimaced and followed. "I hate it when they do that sometimes."
Shane was about to join when he noticed his husband wasn't by his side. He spun around to see Ilya crouched down in the bushes in front of a smaller tree.
"What are you doing?"
Ilya seemed satisfied and stood up, giving Shane a clear view of a trail cam attached to the tree.
"Oh my god..." Shane groaned. "What the hell, Ilya?"
Yet Ilya didn't look chastised at all and instead began to walk towards the rest of the group.
They rejoined them to where Alisa guided them to the "restrooms"...which was an outhouse.
"This is the group C restroom, and here is the sign to show whether or not it's in use," she opened the door with a sharp yank, and reached in to grab a wooden stick that must have been painted red years ago and hung it on the nail in front of the door.
But that wasn't what got Shane's attention.
"Um...where's uh..." Shane gestured. "...the rest?"
The back panel behind the toilet seat was practically non-existent. As it goes straight to the outside to a scene of the trees and bushes.
"Oh! Yeaah. Unfortunately, they forgot to make a hole when pouring the cement slab so they had to remove the back for plumbing."
"They couldn't drill a hole or...?"
"Permits in this area are crazy expensive! It's the reason why you don't see a whole lot of permanent structures!"
"Why not make a hole in the back panel?" Hayden asked as well.
Yet that seemed to stump her as she opened and closed her mouth. Then put the red stick back in and slammed the door shut before moving on.
"T-toilet paper is supplied at each cabin, so take your own roll and don't leave any for the wildlife. If you run out, just swing by the office—"
She started to guide them away from the outhouse back to the cabins.
It was a little later in the afternoon when the tour ended. The ranger left on a golf cart, telling them to have fun and if they had any questions or concerns to just go to the office and that there was a dumpster near the exit for trash.
They met up with the other's at the picnic table and standing grill by the cabins.
"Are we still waiting for Scott and Kip?" Hayden gave his wife a quick peck.
"Got a text from Kip that the flight was delayed and their rental car took forever to get. Ruby, be nice to your brother. But they are driving up the road right now."
"That's good! The whole Scooby gang gonna be here!" Dixon came marching over with fishing poles and a tackle box. "Ready?"
"We'll be back around 5!" And they both walked off to the lake, already conversing something about gar and trout and whatever.
And when they got far enough, Jackie quickly sat down with Shane and Ilya at the table, who were both playing with Arthur and Amber, while Jade and Ruby played by a tree.
"I'm so sorry, Shane. I—"
"No, no, it's fine! Plus I have Ilya with me!"
Ilya beamed.
"However, instead of listening to Dixon I'll be listening to Bigfoot stuff."
Ilya drooped.
"Again, Shane—I know how you guys were looking forward to hanging out again. But listen, Dixon just went through a break-up somewhat recently and Hayden feels really bad."
And if that doesn't make Shane feel like an ass...naaah.
He still won't like Dixon in the end.
...god Ilya was rubbing off on him.
"Thankfully, though," she continued, "there's the rest of us and Kip and Scott are going to be arriving any minute now."
And as if on cue, a voice carried over the clearing.
"Shane! Ilya!" Kip waved at them, Scott following right behind
"Hunter." Ilya nods.
"Rozanov," Scott nods back.
"I see your caretaker brought you. Seeing that you are late, it must have been hard to put you and the wheelchair into the car."
"Oh fu-udge off." He looked warily at Kip that was giving him a look and tilting a head at the kids.
"Kiiiip! I missed you so much, how have you been? Anything new?" Jackie maneuvered around the table to hug him.
"Not much, to be honest! Thankfully. I felt like last year was full of too much excitement."
Shane snorts. "Tell me about it."
"So, Jackie, where's the hubbie?"
"Oh he and his cousin went to the lake to fish for a moment. They wanted to catch up on stuff."
"Oh? His cousin?"
Shane grimaced as Jackie gave him a look of concern.
"Yeah. Dixon."
"Dammit," Scott muttered under his breath as his paper cup of grape soda was, once again, tainted by a curious bug with a death wish.
They had just finished eating dinner—hamburgers—and were sitting around the campfire, made of cinderblocks and rocks. The kids eating marshmallows on a sticks, cooked by Ilya and Shane. Everyone was in idle conversation, about work, hockey, life updates and whatnots.
It wasn't bad.
Then rather unexpectedly, Dixon materialized right next to Kip—who jolted and clutched his chest in shock—and pulled out a fucking guitar, strumming the strings.
"What's a campfire without a little bit of—" he strums, "—singing?"
Oh fuck no....
Shane shut his eyes, unwilling to watch the horror unfold before him, praying that he suddenly lost both hearing and sight. He cracked open an eye to peak at his husband—who looked utterly fascinated by the horrible chain of events.
"Gathered around the campfire, and I just gotta say, I saw Bigfoot by the creek, but he got away—"
"Oh my god..." Scott whispered horrified.
"Hayden brought us all up here to spend a couple days, and we're still finding pine needles in seventeen different ways!"
Dixon started strumming faster and prompted everyone to clap along—which, most unfortunately, nearly the whole group did.
"Ohhhhh, that's camping life, under stars and firelight! If you lose your keys, your tent, your mind, we'll probably find 'em by daylight!"
And the song went on, and on, and on. Dixon just about sung about both current news, local news, the change in wind patterns and the weather for the next 15 days. He went on for so long, in fact, that when he hit the high note of the bridge he choked, coughed his lung out, and continued like nothing happened.
Shane had seen this scene before, years ago. It was Hayden's birthday, as well as the first time he had ever met dixon.
Miraculously, Dixon deemed his song done with a grand finale flair, most of the kids applauded along with the polite clapping from the adults.
"That was great, Dixon. Arthur liked it so much he got tuckered out." Hayden chuckled as he held the drowsy toddler. "I think it's time for us and the kids to go to bed."
And with that, the group said their good nights to the couple and the kids watching the flashlights as they made their way down the path. However Dixon didn't seem to be done for the night as he put away his guitar and suddenly sat closer, Scott subtly leaning away.
"Well boys, you know what the best part of a campfire is?"
Ilya muffles around a burnt marshmallow. "S'mores?"
"True! But not quite—it's campfire stories!" He flashes his flashlight under his face, illuminating it eerily similar to how Shane's brain remembers Dixon from memory.
Ilya perked up and swallowed his marshmallow. "BIGFOOT—"
And hushed as Shane set a hand on his thigh. "Ilya. No."
Ilya drooped and intertwined his fingers with Shane's.
"No worries, I got the perfect story!" Dixon cleared his throat.
Shane was only a moment away from flinging himself headfirst into the fire.
"Back when me and Hayden were boys, we would play in our grandparent's backyard. It was a bit of a backwoods kinda area, real fun! Our grandma warned us, if you hear your name in the woods at night, don't trust it. Me and Hayds were like, 'yeah sure, what a load of bologna!' Then our friend, Caleb, went missing."
And as if a flip was switched, Dixon's face changed to probably the most serious that Shane had ever seen it. "He went on a camping trip and never came back. His parents were devastated. So we asked his sister, who was only a grade below. She told us the last thing she heard him say before he got lost. He said, 'Abby, don't you hear it? Someone is calling for me.' And to this day, no one has found him."
Kip softly gasped.
"Our grandma heard the news and tutted. She sat us down and told us the story of a creature that lurks the deep woods. She said, 'Boys, listen close. There's something out there and it is not friendly. People that get taken, they hear their names called in the middle of night. The voice just like a human's. It is not. It never is.'"
Everyone was dead silent.
"Well, that's it for me, boys! I'm hitting the sack for tonight! Good night!" And walked off as everyone mumbled back a good night.
For a moment, the only sounds were the crackles and pops of the fire.
"Well, that was fucked up." Scott exhaled and tried to pull off his marshmallow, but only the outer layer slid off, leaving the core. Then within a fraction of a second, a moth landed right in the gooey marshmallow's remains.
"Damn it! What the fuck is wrong with this place!" He stuffed it into the fire to burn everything away.
"Since we are doing scary tales, in Russia, there is an old babushka's tale—"
Shane laughed and shushed his husband. "Oh no, no, no. I want to be able to sleep tonight."
He stood and took Ilya's hand to pull him up. "We're going to bed too. Wait, do you guys need help putting out the fire?"
"Let Hunter piss on it with how many cups he was drinking—"
"Fuck off, Rozanov. No, we have it here guys. I want another shot at a marshmallow." Scott scrapped the burnt remains off on a cinderblock.
"Yep! You guys are good! Good night!" Kip waved.
.
.
.
Shane and Ilya head to their cabin, hand in hand. At the door, he felt Ilya tug and looked back to his husband concerned look.
"Are you okay?"
Shane smiled at how sweet he was.
"I think I will be once we get in our cabin. Just us. Alone."
"Oh naughty, Mr Hollander!" Ilya wagged a finger. "How would we explain the mess we would make?"
Hollander feeling a bit brazen, "Not if I swallow."
Ilya gawked and instantly began rushing his laughing husband inside the cabin.
.
.
.
After successfully putting out the fire, Scott and Kip head into their cabin for the night, the door shutting softly.
However only a few seconds of silence passed before Scott's voice carried, muffled by the walls, "When the hell did a bat get in here!"
.
.
.