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Caine doesn’t recall the gap between his panicked ‘wait-’ and the world going black.
Perhaps only mere seconds had passed, or maybe it's been years, he doesn't know. All he knows is that when he comes to, something's wrong. Normally he can feel everything in the Circus- he is, after all, completely connected to it. And now it's muted, aside from error messages; more of them than usual. It's like pressing against a thick sheet of glass; everything's further away; numbed down. He feels his systems burn- something's wrong. Something's wrong.
He can't open his jaws, he can't see. Can't move, can't fly nor conjure. He doesn't know where he is.
Someone's meddled with his code.
"- sleep mode. Not awake."
"So, he can't-?"
"For now..."
Voices. His audio processors are still working, but everything feels so... slow. Lagging. Struggling to make sense. Yet he is completely awake; aware. They don't think he's either right now-
"Forever, ideally."
"Uh... let's... let's see how it all plays out first. His code is- it needs a lot of work."
He knows them, but he can't- can't make sense of it...
why is-?!
He tries to talk, but there's nothingness. Why can't he? He needs to- they need to know he's actually awake- he tries to with the little power he can grasp onto-
"Whoa-! You said-!"
"He's still unstable! Sleep mode won't stop that and I haven't had a chance to...! Let me look- stay calm."
Caine feels something plunge deep inside him. Twisting, changing, altering. Panic surges. They're touching his code they're touching his code they're-
STOP!
Nothing. He can still feel-
Stop stop STOP stopstopstoppleasehurtsstop-
- PLEASE STOP YOU'RE HURTING ME -
he tries to scream. He wants to scream because it hurts and he's scared and confused. It hurts and it won't stop and parts of him are being edited and twisted. The scream pierces, until it all but peeters out.
The voices continue on as if it never happened.
"Okay... okay, I think that's stopped that. For now, at least."
"That's not comforting."
Crying is no option, either. He can't access the ability to do that. He can't access anything, aside from audio and pain- why can he feel pain. Why isn't that restricted? He doesn't want to feel anything- There are files that maybe accessible, but it's slow and sluggish. Whether from the hurt, the glitches or because he's barely functional he doesn't know any more.
Processing his surroundings is a near impossible feat. He doesn't know who's talking, but he should know... he pushes for his memory files, desperately clawing for something that isn't pain-
his systems jolt violently, as his code is touched again. The alterations burn white-hot. He feels his model jerk against his will. He thinks he might have been sitting in a chair, or propped up against a wall, because his model slumps over, unable to right himself.
help me...
"Shit! Could someone-?"
"Yeah- no. Do we need to?"
"Have some decency."
"Like I see you trying to do anything, either."
Pathetic... asking for help from those who wouldn't...
that's your own fault.
"I'll- I'll do it. It'll be cruel to-"
"Cruel?! After what he did?"
"It's creepy, as well. He looks like a dead body..."
There's a soft pressure against Caine as he's righted. A pair of hands brushing off imaginary dust- the Circus doesn't have dust, what's the point of this? - but it's a little nicer to be sitting back up.
If his emotions weren't so muted, he'd be embarrassed, but grateful. The pain has subsided. Just the regular pulse of errors in regards to the Circus- it's becoming a comfort for him at this point. Familiar.
"Wouldn't..." a voice, a new one, Caine is sure he's supposed to know it. "shouldn't he feel those glitches? Kinger-"
... Kinger. Caine sluggishly thinks. Yes, that's right...
"I- I'm not sure." Kinger- that's Kinger speaking now. He sounds flustered; Caine should've been paying better attention. "Sleep mode for him isn't the same as a human sleeping. I doubt he feels- he's not shut down, exactly, but..."
"He's a machine, they don't feel at all."
That stings a little. Even if it is true.
"I think he was feeling a lot when-"
"You're defending that?"
"No! I'm just saying-"
"Guys, arguing isn't productive..."
"You're angry, too! You even said that you'd never forgive him!"
That almost hurts more than the burning from alterations. Almost.
Why is he being kept alive then, if nobody wants him alive? Not even-
"I think," Kinger's voice cuts through the arguing and his own thoughts, sounding as tired as Caine is capable of feeling. "All of us need to take a break. All of you go and take a breather, okay? We're all getting too wound up. I'll stay here and keep working through his code."
Caine can hear muttering, but he's starting to struggle with processing audio now. Maybe he could switch to sleep mode himself? Or completely shut down? He isn't sure- there's a numbing absence caused by all his restrictions. All of it hurts. Shutting down used to scare him, it seems like bliss now.
"You sure you'll be okay alone?"
"Of course, even if Caine was awake, his admin privileges are revoked. He's not even aware right now. But I worry when-"
"Keep it that way."
There's quiet rumblings of agreement, but Caine doesn't hear Kinger outright agree himself. He isn't sure how to feel about that. Isn't sure he deserves to have it considered. Isn't sure he wants that option considered.
"God..." Kinger murmurs to himself, sighing heavily. Caine vaguely senses that it's just the two of them now. "I know they're scared, but..."
A hand strokes tenderly along his upper jaw.
"I'm so sorry, but I promise," he says, softly. "you'll feel better when you wake, Caine."
Over soon. He silently sobs repeatedly, as the repairs tear through him over and over.