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It’s after Nirei and Umemiya both nod at him, urging him forward, that he finally steps into the park somewhere beyond Makochi’s territory, hands shoved into his pockets. Suo is somewhere here, watching the open sky as he waits for Haruka to arrive. The thought makes him move a bit faster, though his pulse is racing.
Isn’t this what he wanted? To see Suo and make him talk? Explain himself? As much as Haruka works himself up about what the other’s done, he can’t ignore the little voice that’s so sure that Suo wasn’t pretending to care about them all. He knows what it looks like, when people let themselves enjoy things they think they don’t deserve. He knows what it feels like to think that you have nobody to rely on but yourself. He’s always known that Suo was hiding something behind his smiles and frustrating fighting style and “diets”, but it pisses him off that just as he accepted Bofurin as his home, the bastard suddenly decided he didn’t deserve it anymore. Haruka’s been letting his anger sit with him for a while, for his friends and for whatever Suo’s dealing with, but he can’t say he doesn’t understand running away from things he doesn’t want to look in the eye.
He reaches a small grassy area, surrounded by flowering trees that have long lost their blossoms to the earlier months. The person he’s looking for is holding a low-hanging branch between his fingers, standing sideways so that his eyepatch hides his face. Just seeing Suo’s other arm tucked neatly behind his back, his perfect posture, makes Haruka click his tongue.
“You got some nerve,” he grits out, watching the ghost of a smile pass over the other’s face.
“I could say the same to you, Sakura-kun,” he says, turning fully. “You’re coming to see me even after I confronted Nirei?”
“You don’t even believe yourself if you think Nirei’s gonna just let you run away after something like that,” Haruka replies, remembering the determined gleam in Nirei’s eyes the day he first told them what happened in that park. “You should know that better than any of us.”
A glint of relief passes through Suo’s expression for a fraction of a second before it seems like he catches it, locking it back behind his stubborn mask. “Is that all it takes for you to forgive me?” He wonders, looking up at the treetops. “Him being as hardheaded as he always is?”
“I didn’t say that,” Haruka says. “You got a lot of grovelin’ to do before you can come back into the classroom.”
“Well, that’s fine then,” Suo says, like he’s been expecting the course of this conversation, but Haruka doesn’t miss the way his fingers tighten around the leaves he’s holding. “Considering I have no desire to return.”
“I don’t believe you,” Haruka says plainly, and watches as a muscle in Suo’s jaw jumps. “Ya better come up with something better before you see the others again.” He crosses his arms, less a conscious move and more a way to busy his hands, and stares at the side of Suo’s head, willing the other to turn around.
“I won’t be seeing them regardless,” Suo responds, one hand still folded behind his back but shoulders creeping upward. He lowers the branch, stepping forward at the same time Haruka does.
“Finally up for a fight?” Haruka taunts, not missing the way Suo’s expression smooths out into a blank mask. He’s barely prepared for how fast Suo is, dodging a high kick at the last moment.
“If that’s what it will take for you to finally drop this, then I can’t refuse, can I?”
Haruka smirks, throwing a fist, then an elbow, then a heel, spinning where Suo twists, bending where Suo extends.
“I’ll make sure ya see them again,” he says as he separates from the other again. “I’m pretty good at not takin’ ‘no’ for an answer. And I gave ‘em a promise, so I got no plans to break it.” Suo narrows his eyes before straightening up, holding one hand in front of him. Haruka digs the ball of his foot into the grass, then launches at his friend again.
They’re… well-matched, Haruka supposes, but he can see Suo’s holding back with the way because they’ve both barely been hit. It’s annoying, the dancing game, when he knows they’re both not here for that.
“What, lookin’ for a better opponent? Not angry enough at me?” Haruka spits. Suo’s lips thin and he jumps back, holding the other’s gaze with distaste.
“That’s right, Sakura-kun,” he says, giving a brittle smile. “You shouldn’t make promises you won’t be able to keep.” The bait’s obvious, and Haruka hates the way he can feel himself tense just a bit at the condescension.
“Yeah, right,” he says instead, rolling his shoulders. “You’re pissin’ me off with every lie coming out of your mouth.”
“Who said I’m lying?” Suo asks innocently, though his flat palm turns into a fist just before he can tuck it behind his back again. Haruka barks a mirthless laugh. He’s not going to give Suo an inch.
“What about those meals at Pothos? Helpin’ me when I was sick? All those things you said to me when we were fighting?” Haruka fires, hoping to find a crack somewhere in the other’s guard. Suo’s expression goes flat.
“You must have learned from Nirei, asking so many annoying questions,” he says. Haruka raises an eyebrow slightly before charging at him again.
“That’s not an answer,” he says while blocking a few blows. Suo falters for the smallest second before driving a fist into Haruka’s cheek. Haruka responds with a kick to Suo’s side, sending the other sideways as his own mouth fills with blood.
“The answer is that I am leaving, and none of you will follow unless you want to put the entirety of Furin and Makochi in danger,” Suo says when they back off of each other, tone stony. He turns around like he’s leaving as Haruka wipes the blood from his chin with his sleeve.
“Sounds more like you’re runnin’ away,” Haruka jeers. “Scared of somethin’? I’m barely even started.”
Suo comes to a stop. “You’re making this unnecessarily difficult for yourself, Sakura-kun,” he says, like he’s talking to a child, but his voice pulls taut.
“You’re fine throwin’ insults at us but can’t handle when I do it back?”
“I have my pride, as we all do.” The line of Suo’s back draws tighter and tighter with tension.
“What, makin’ threats at people who care about you even if ya don’t want them to? Did you really think you could just walk away without anything happening?” Haruka shoots, raising his voice, and finally, finally, the fraying thread of Suo’s patience snaps.
“Of course I didn’t!” Suo roars, spinning around, and Haruka’s eyes widen before narrowing with something like relief. “Obviously I knew you would all come running because of your foolish savior complexes! You can’t keep your noses out of other people’s business, and I certainly didn’t expect to be an exception! But you’re so damn persistent that there’s nothing I can do! It’s like you refuse to accept the fact that I was never anybody important to you!”
Haruka flies at him with a growl, pivoting when the expected deflection comes. What he doesn’t expect is the knee that comes right up into his gut, making him cough harshly before backing away. Suo’s eye is still blown wide, fixed on Haruka in a way that he distantly recognizes is supposed to make him feel like prey.
“That’s...” Haruka huffs, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “more like it. None of the redirection shit.”
“Do you think this is a game?” Suo snaps, stepping forward.
“No,” Haruka says honestly. “I think it’s time for you to stop lyin’ to yourself.” The other’s eye glints with frustration before he spins into Haruka’s orbit again, blocking Haruka’s initial attack before trying a few flat-handed hits to the other’s body. Haruka locks his hands around Suo’s wrists, bringing them to a standstill. “Not sayin’ we were never important to you, just that you were never important to us. Quit putting words in my mouth.”
“It’s almost like how you’re refusing to accept my true feelings about all of this,” Suo snarls, twisting and bringing Haruka over him and onto the ground.
“And I’m tellin’ you I know you’re lying,” Haruka says through his teeth, laying flat and looking at the person he’s always considered himself closest to. “I’m not gonna accept that crap.”
“Ha!” Suo laughs, his eye wild as he drags the other up by his shirt. “I don’t have a choice! I can’t do anything else because you people won’t leave me alone!”
Haruka scoffs, looking him squarely in the eyes. “Your hand’s shaking,” he says, watching the shards of Suo’s carefully-constructed shield fall away. They both take a single step back, his hand still gripping Haruka’s clothes. “I don’t care if ya run to the Pacific Ocean, I’m not letting you just run off without takin’ responsibility for what you did.”
And that’s what Haruka understands about Suo that few others would, isn’t it? The need to see consequences, retaliation for his actions. The soul-deep knowledge that he needs someone to show him that what he did was wrong. Because if nobody did, didn’t that mean that the hurt was for nothing? That the wounded-animal bites he took out of people he cares about were just because he wanted to? It’s what Haruka understands because he’d felt it too, hating the way a little part of him deep inside lay down with relief when his caretakers yelled at him for beating another kid up. He’d known it in the way his classmates would always, always, come back, whether in larger numbers or, even worse, with an adult.
It soothed him back then, just a bit. Made him feel like he was right for thinking he was a bad person. Made him feel like all the stuff he hated about himself was right to hate. He sees it now in the stiffness of Suo’s posture, like he’s bracing for an impact that Haruka doesn’t want to give. He sees it in the desperation so poorly hidden behind the other’s sharp words. They look each other in the eyes, searching.
“What a bold assumption,” Suo says, quiet now, shoving Haruka away as he clasps his hands behind his back again. He looks to the side, hair falling to hide his sole eye, and the other can visibly see him drag himself back from the precipice.
“You always do that,” Haruka hisses, digging his heel into the soft ground, feeling it give way. “Just ‘cause you’re not lookin’ at me doesn’t mean I suddenly believe what you’re sayin’.”
“Sakura-kun,” Suo says, face still hidden and voice suddenly coming out terribly blank, “what would you know about me?”
It makes Haruka almost laugh, the way he says it like they aren’t two stars in the same sky. He knows more than Suo would understand with only the brief overview of his childhood that he gave them on that rooftop. “Nobody’s falling for that either, asshole. You tried to pull it with Nirei, now you’re tryin’ it with me. No matter what those Red Chanpuru guys taught you, saying the same thing over and over ain’t going to make it true.”
Suo turns back to look at the other, his expression an attempt at pitying. “Some things bear repeating because they are true.”
“But what you’re sayin’ isn’t,” Haruka growls, watching the way the other’s shoulders tremble just once.
“You really need to learn that some people are just bad people,” Suo says, fixing him with a dead stare. “Do you expect that everyone will suddenly change their minds after one little fight? Did Togame and Endo both blind you to reality? What a shame.”
“You— I’m not accepting that you never cared about at least the rest of those guys. Me aside, they never did anything. And you protected them just as much as I did.” Haruka says. Suo laughs, covering his eyes with his hand, and then spreads his arms in a question.
“Then why am I leaving, Sakura-kun? Please do share. I clearly care about you all, according to your assumptions, so why would I leave that behind?” Suo presses, eye dark as he gets closer. “If I care so much, why would I need to fight Nirei if I wanted to protect him? Why would I leave him in the park, unconscious, without even a call to tell someone where he is?”
That’s the question of the hour, isn’t it? “I don’t know,” Haruka mutters, hating the way his voice grows smaller.
Suo’s smile falters just a bit, then returns full-force. “So the lesson we learn is that I don’t care. Don’t you agree, Sakura-kun? You understand me so well, after all.” He says, still wearing that fake expression that Haruka hates. Even now, though, there’s a note of bitterness woven into the planes of his face, a resignation and a verdict all in one that the blankness of his eye can’t hide, and this is where it suddenly becomes all too much for Haruka. He doesn’t— He can’t—
“I don’t know!” Haruka shouts, bravado falling away, relishing in the way Suo’s lone eye widens, just a bit. “I thought— I don’t know why you’re lying to my face, and I don’t know why you did that to Nirei, and I don’t know why you won’t let us help you.” He’s glaring at his feet by the time he finishes speaking, panting harshly as he wipes his cheek with his sleeve again to hide the way his expression is crumpling. Suo is silent, unmoving from where he’d paused in his advance.
They’re the words he’s been turning over in his head since Suo left. Why did he leave? Why didn’t he say anything? What’s so important about keeping Bofurin and Red Chanpuru separated? Why didn’t Haruka deserve at least a goodbye? Why is he still lying? I don’t know why. I don’t know.
He feels his face grow hot, embarrassed, as his eyes well up with tears. He exhales sharply as he scrubs his face angrily and almost scoffs as he hears a tiny surprised inhale from the other.
“Fuck,” Haruka says, voice thick. “Don’t— Don’t look. I don’t know, okay?” Despite his words, he looks at Suo warily through his watery vision, watching the expressions that flicker through his eye before he lands on regret not quite hidden. He’s spent enough time wallowing in his sorry excuse of an apartment, thinking back on all the things the two of them had faced together. He’s stained his futon with too many nightmares of Suo leaving without a word, and the way he’s still being this emotional when he thought he’d let all of his hurt simmer into anger makes him clench his fists.
“Yes,” Suo says suddenly, surprising the both of them in the quiet of their shared breaths. “I did care. I do.” It sounds like admitting defeat. Haruka breathes a hurt laugh, short and jagged, and breaks their eye contact to stare at the grass in front of him. He steadfastly ignores the tears that fall to the ground when he blinks, just as he ignores the sniffling he can’t quite stop.
“Sure could’ve fooled me.”
“It seems I can never fool you with anything, Sakura-kun,” Suo says, feather-light. “No matter how much I hope to.”
Haruka grits his teeth. Suo did fool him, before they met again, when he was blindsided by Nirei’s retelling of their encounter and he couldn’t reconcile the image of Suo in his mind with the Suo from Nirei’s story.
“If I hadn’t seen ya face-to-face…” Haruka starts, then trails off. He looks up and sees Suo smiling at him, bittersweet, and that’s when it clicks that the entire point of only meeting Nirei before leaving was to let them question what they hadn’t seen with their own eyes.
“Ah, Sakura-kun,” Suo says, “you’re always so honest.”
They stand in silence for a moment, Haruka regaining his composure, until Suo breaks the peace once more. “I won’t turn my back on them,” he says, almost a whisper. “I grew up with them.”
“But you’re willing to turn your back on us just fine,” Haruka mutters, swiping the last of the wetness from his cheeks and closing his eyes for a short moment. “You really have a trash personality.” It startles a laugh out of Suo, however short. “Can’t we just meet them and—”
“No,” Suo interrupts, gaze sharpening. “You cannot. And they cannot meet you.”
“Fine,” Haruka says in place of arguing. “But we’re still not just givin’ up on you because you want us to.” He thinks of the hand Suo has always reached out to him, even when he didn’t want to understand Furin.
Suo stares at him for a moment before giving an amused little huff. “I didn’t want to leave,” he says, letting it sit between them. Haruka rolls his eyes, because that’s obvious, but it’s the first time Suo’s admitted to himself what Haruka knew this whole time, so he stays quiet.
“Least you’re finally being honest,” he says instead. “How’s it feel, bastard?”
“Like I’m tired,” Suo replies, tilting his head back to look at the dark sky. “It feels like I still don’t have a choice, despite you trying to convince me I do.”
“Idiot,” Haruka says. “That’s why you have us, even if ya don’t think you do.” Suo looks back down, looking younger than he has the entire time Haruka’s known him. Vulnerable. “Like I said, I’m not sayin’ we’re letting you leave. But this isn’t some problem you gotta face on your own, or whatever. Not even I can do that.”
“You’ve grown, Sakura-kun,” Suo says, with a ghost of amusement. “Next, will you say ‘leave it to me’?” Haruka bristles automatically at the tease, then clears his throat, embarrassed already.
“If ya need me to say it out loud, I will.”
Suo’s eye widens in genuine surprise before he slumps, squatting with his head between his arms. “Even when I think I expect it,” he says, almost fond. Haruka sighs and sits down, arms supporting him from behind and legs splayed out in front of him.
“I meant it when I said I’ll fight to keep what I got at Furin. That means you too, even though you’re apparently convinced that you’re not included.” Haruka eyes Suo where his face is still buried in his arms. “I don’t really get the deal with Red Chanpuru, but if they’re important to ya, I’m not gonna force you to give that up.”
“I know,” comes Suo’s suspiciously unsteady voice. “That’s why you can’t meet them.”
“And you’re not getting rid of us that easy,” Haruka adds for good measure. “So don’t do anything stupid.”
“I know,” Suo repeats, raising his head. His eyes are dry, but his smile is wobbly. “I always knew that, at the very least.”
“Well, good,” the other huffs, standing up again. His cheeks feel tight from the salt. “Are ya coming back to see the others or not?”
“I’m—“
“Just for now,” Haruka interrupts, crossing his arms. “You can do whatever the hell you want after you see them. Let them decide what they think before you go decidin' for them.”
“Okay,” Suo agrees, straightening slowly. “Alright, Sakura-kun. Let’s go, then.”