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Changbin catches his eye, and Hyunjin smiles and nods, dancing along with the music without a single thought in his head. It’s so easy not to think about anything else when the entire moment is just about the music and the crowd and the joy of playing a festival.
He appreciates Changbin’s concern, but Hyunjin can handle a little heat. It isn’t the first time they’ve performed outside in a heatwave in the most inconvenient outfits, and Hyunjin was never the one who couldn’t handle it.
They all keep an extra eye on each other and the crowd today, handing out water and passing it to each other, making sure that no one gets dehydrated. It isn’t the worst heat they’ve been in; it isn’t unsafe to play this show, but Hyunjin is still worried.
It wouldn’t be the first time Felix was taken down by the heat. He doesn’t sweat enough, his body failing to regulate his temperature in warmer climates. It’s kind of ironic, considering he’s Australian, but the heat doesn’t care that he grew up in it.
Hyunjin moves across the stage, waving at a few Stays and pointing to a funny sign. He makes his way closer to Felix, making it look random. He always finds his way to Felix, everyone knows that, but he doesn’t have to make it so obvious that he feels off centre whenever there’s too much space between them.
“You look warm.” Felix comments, touching his own cheek. Of course Hyunjin is warm, he’d get soaked in sweat even in the cold, but that very sweat is what protects him. Felix should be more worried about himself, who barely has a sheen of sweat across his forehead.
“Are you warm?” Hyunjin asks, relieved that Felix was put in shorts and a sleeveless top. Even their stylists know that putting him in anything else in the heat would test fate. Felix shakes his head, and pokes Hyunjin’s cheek, his finger cold against Hyunjin’s skin.
“A little, but I feel fine.” Felix says. He knows how to handle the heat. He isn’t going as wild with the freestyle dancing, he’s already soaked in water, and he tries to stay near the shaded areas of the stage. If even he is okay in this weather, there’s no reason to worry about Hyunjin.
It’s a short interaction, but no less effective at raising the volume of the crowd. Hyunjin smiles to himself as he moves away from Felix, wondering how loud they’d get of they knew there was any truth behind the ship.
The sun only seems to grow stronger. The downside of playing festivals is that their time slot is often during the day, and the sun seems to be at its highest right now. The air is thick and heavy, pressing in on them from all sides and challenging their lung capacity.
Hyunjin starts to feel hot, like his own body is giving off heat too. He feels strange somehow, like the lack of sleep catches up to him. It’s not an issue; he just has to focus a little harder to remember what the next step is. Thankfully all the information about the songs, and all the cues come through his in ears.
He stumbles slightly when the back of his calf cramps. The muscles tighten and burn, like a clenched fist. It’s not an uncommon occurrence. Cramps come along with being an athlete; any overused muscle will have enough at some point. But just like a football player who has to get back on the field, he has to keep dancing.
He hides the grimace of pain, smiling when Minho’s concerned gaze finds him. It’s impossible to hide a single missed step from his hyung. Minho probably already knows that Hyunjin’s having a cramp, but he also knows that nothing can be done about it.
When the song ends, he grabs for the nearest member – Jeongin – holding onto his shoulder while stretching his leg back, opening the cramping muscle. Jeongin chuckles and gives him a strange look.
“Cramp.” Hyunjin simply says, pushing harder into his heel and feeling the burn of the stretch. The pain eases slightly, but it’s a stubborn one. He should’ve stretched better before the show.
He glances around until he finds Felix and has to hold back a laugh. Felix has his arms crossed over his chest, a barely hidden scowl on his face, and his eyes are locked on Hyunjin’s hands on Jeongin’s shoulder. His jealousy shouldn’t be so cute.
The cramp doesn’t fully pass before the next song, but the choreography isn’t as intense, so it isn’t aggravated either. He can feel the same tightness creeping into his other calf as well, and wonders if he completely forgot to stretch. He can’t remember what he did before the show, can’t really remember the beginning of the show either. It’s as if all that exists is the current moment.
The next song ends, and Chan grabs his arm before he can escape. He looks at Hyunjin with that look, the one that sees right through him. Hyunjin shrinks under it and hopes the interaction doesn’t look suspicious from the outside.
“Are you sick?” Chan asks, subtly touching the skin at Hyunjin’s wrist, testing his temperature. Is Hyunjin really that obvious? He’s a little hot and suddenly everyone knows that he isn’t performing at his best.
“It’s just warm, hyung.” Hyunjin brushes it off. Chan’s eyes immediately go to Felix who is at the front of the stage, holding out a water bottle with the biggest smile, quietly asking Stay if he can pout water on them. Hyunjin looks down to hide his fond smile.
Chan seems to come to the same conclusion as him; if Felix is fine, Hyunjin must be too. He lets Hyunjin go, and Hyunjin is relieved. He isn’t sure how he’d put together enough words to be convincing if Chan kept asking.
The show continues, and Hyunjin starts to wonder if there’s a problem with his reasoning. He’s used to feeling his heart go crazy on stage, but it feels unusually intense today. He can practically taste his heartbeats, and he’s fairly certain that his pulse could be seen on the outside of his chest if someone looked closely enough.
He catches himself staring blankly at the crowd too many times to count. He keeps losing his train of thought, only brought back by the voice in his ear, telling him when to sing or move or dance. It shouldn’t come as a surprise when Felix reappears at his side with a nervous look.
“You’re bright red.” Felix’s voice startles him, as if he didn’t see him coming. Hyunjin clenches his hands, not sure what to think of the tight feeling in his body. He leans on Felix’s shoulder, just like he did with Jeongin earlier, stretching his leg again.
“I’m just hot.” Hyunjin says unconvincingly but hopes that it only sounds weak because he doesn’t feel completely present in his body. It’s as if his senses have been turned down, making everything strangely dull.
“You’re too hot.” Felix says, laying a cold hand across Hyunjin’s neck. He can’t resist the little sigh of relief that escapes. Felix’s hand shouldn’t feel so cold.
“If you are okay, then I can handle this.” Hyunjin says. There’s no reason for him to handle the heat any worse than anyone else. He’s certain he won’t be brought down by it if Felix isn’t even struggling.
“I’m not the one in leather pants.” Felix points out. Hyunjin glances down, realizing he can’t really say anything to that. He is very aware that it’s too hot to wear leather pants today, even if he was standing still in the shade. But Felix is the one who has repeatedly ended up vomiting backstage while staff desperately pressed ice to his skin so the heat exhaustion wouldn’t turn into heat stroke.
“How do I know if I’m too hot?” Hyunjin asks. He’s never experienced it before, only seen it in the other members. It hasn’t just happened to Felix, but Felix is always the first to drop. He’s almost like their warning sign; when he starts struggling, they have to watch each other a little closer.
“The cramps aren’t a great sign.” Felix says, just as Hyunjin switches to his other leg. “Do you feel dizzy or nauseous?” He does a great job at not looking worried, but Hyunjin can hear it in his voice.
“Just kind of spaced out.” Hyunjin admits. If they weren’t in front of so many people, he’d probably lie and pretend he felt fine, but it’s always better to be on the safe side during shows.
“Probably just heat cramps then.” Felix decides, and Hyunjin laughs, resting his forehead against his hands.
“If I’m having heat cramps, you’re in heat stroke.” He says playfully. If the heat was an issue, he wouldn’t be the only one feeling it. In no universe does Felix handle the heat better than him.
Something cold touches his neck and Hyunjin yelps and startles, moving away from Felix. He refuses to say anything about the way his vision spins at the sudden movement. Before he can register that there’s a bottle pressed to his neck, Felix pulls him into his side and dumps ice cold water over their heads.
Hyunjin squeals and feels himself go even redder, hoping it wasn’t picked up by the microphone. Felix’s laughter fills his ears, and Hyunjin squeezes his eyes shut, shoulders jumping up to meet his ears. His entire body tightens and trembles, as if he’s suddenly freezing.
Felix would’ve drenched him even if he didn’t think Hyunjin was too hot. The very fact that this is so common makes it inconspicuous. It looks like they’re having fun rather than a desperate attempt to cool him down.
The water doesn’t stay cold for long. As it’s heated up by the sun, it feels more stifling than anything. He tugs on his collar and peels the wet fabric away from his skin, hoping it’ll be easier to breathe without all that moisture pressing in on him.
As the show goes on, it becomes harder to move. His body resists every movement, heavy and tight in a way he doesn’t recognize. Dizzy spells seem to hit any time he moves too fast or too suddenly, but he hasn’t fainted since he was a kid, so he doesn’t pay it much attention.
He’s pretty sure that all the members know that he’s struggling by now. He sees the way they look at him and wonders how Felix spread the information so fast. They are practiced at this, having learned how to communicate accurately with little to no words, but it’s far less embarrassing when he isn’t the one they need to keep an eye on.
He finds somewhere to sit down, since they don’t have choreography during the next few songs. A large speaker seems as good an option as any, especially since it’s half in the shade. His head spins when he lowers himself down, finally able to take a break.
Sweat runs down his legs, sitting like a layer of water between his skin and the black leather. He tugs at the pants in a desperate attempt to get them away from his skin, but the only solution would be to take them off. He wonders if he could, if there would be something to change into if he snuck off stage for a moment.
His legs are in the burning sun, while his upper body is shaded, and he feels like he’s being fried. He never thought he’d empathize so much with a cooking lobster. He reaches for a water bottle and has to grip the edge of the speaker tightly not to fall over when his head spins. Bad idea, he’ll have to be fine without it.
Felix mentioned dizziness was a sign that he’s overheating, but he also mentioned nausea, and Hyunjin doesn’t feel nauseous, so it can’t be that bad. He knows from watching Felix that the vomiting comes first. It’s not convenient, but there’s never been pictures or videos of Felix throwing up, only rumours.
Chan is suddenly right in front of him, holding out a water bottle. Hyunjin looks up at him, hoping he didn’t see how lightheaded Hyunjin got when he tried to get one for himself. He takes it with a grateful smile, hands trembling as he twists off the cap. He gulps down half the bottle and immediately regrets it, nausea tightening in his stomach.
“Are you good?” Chan asks. Hyunjin’s instinct is to nod, but he isn’t just Hyunjin right now, he’s a part of a team. They all have to work together, and Chan isn’t just asking to be nice. He’s asking if Hyunjin is too warm, if he feels too ill, if he needs medical attention.
“I can make it through.” Hyunjin says. He can’t argue that he feels ill, but he doesn’t believe it’s bad enough to be a problem.
“I’m not sure you should.” Chan says. “You look really out of it.” Hyunjin hides his confusion. He’s aware that he isn’t clear-headed, but he doesn’t feel that out of it. He’s nowhere near that distant look Felix gets; it would’ve been much harder to have this conversation if he felt that bad.
“And worry them?” Hyunjin nods at the crowd. They’d all know something happened. They probably already suspect, and management would not be happy if Hyunjin proved them right. He’s an idol; he isn’t allowed to have human reactions, least of all to feel sick or be outmatched by some leather and the sun.
Chan’s mouth tightens. He lies a hand on Hyunjin’s upper arm and frowns deeper. The hand feels hot and cold at the same time. The skin contact is warm, but once Chan’s heat reaches deeper, it turns cold. It’s the strangest thing Hyunjin has felt.
“Just don’t let anything happen out here.” Chan finally decides. Hyunjin chuckles; he isn’t planning on staying if he feels like he’s going to faint or vomit. His head might be a bit hazy, but protecting his pride and image is instinct.
Chan suddenly turns, warning Hyunjin of Felix’s presence before the sound of his voice filters in. “Is it worse?” He asks. With his back to the crowd, the worry is written all over his face.
“Just a little.” Hyunjin allows. If he really looks that bad, there’s no point in lying. Felix positions himself on Hyunjin’s side, casting a shadow over his legs. Hyunjin should tell him to move, to not take the full heat of the sun, but he can’t form the words.
Felix takes the half-empty bottle from Hyunjin’s hand and pours the rest down his back, lifting the neckline of his shirt so it’ll directly hit his skin. It feels like ice, but it feels so good, Hyunjin doesn’t even react.
“Are you dizzy or nauseous?” Felix asks again. Hyunjin takes too long to answer, the internal argument with himself taking longer than normal when it’s so hard to form complete thoughts. Felix looks like he wants to curse, but bites his lip instead.
“Just dizzy.” Hyunjin eventually says. His stomach settled pretty quickly, it just didn’t like the onslaught of water. Or maybe he’s cooling down, that would be even better.
“Hyunjin…” Chan sighs, clearly wanting to say more. Hyunjin gives him a stubborn look, but a part of him hopes it isn’t convincing. He will never admit that he can’t go on, but he’s starting to wonder if he’s putting himself in unnecessary danger. Heat stroke can be a very scary thing. “If you leave the moment you feel worse…” Chan hesitantly allows, and Hyunjin nods vigorously.
“You don’t even have to signal anyone, just leave.” Felix adds. Hyunjin smiles with relief, but there’s still something gnawing at his insides. He chooses to ignore that feeling in favour of giving his all to Stay in the last two songs.
Hyunjin doesn’t necessarily feel worse throughout those two songs. At least he’s good at convincing himself that it feels the same. But he’s in the burning sun again, dancing, jumping around, running from one spot to the next.
Every time he moves too sharply, the world tilts, and he hesitates to bend over, not exactly nauseous, but feeling like his stomach is in his throat. The music turns into a tinny echo, slowly taken over by a sharp ringing. His vision blurs and distorts, and he’s almost certain that the ground has started spinning.
He stumbles at the end of the last song, falling out of formation, and only regaining his footing with the help of a firm hand closing around the back of his shirt, pulling him back. That can’t look good to anyone.
Normally, he’d stay on stage for longer, waving goodbye and interacting with as many people as possible before he has to leave. But he isn’t allowed that this time.
Chan wraps an arm around his waist and leads him away from the crowd. Hyunjin can’t see where they’re going, but he hears the screaming fade the further away they get.
It’s as if his body knows that they’re almost alone, and he suddenly can’t keep up the act anymore. He sways on his feet; he would’ve fallen down the stairs if Chan wasn’t holding him up.
Once they’re on safe ground, his knees buckle, and he grasps for something to hold onto, barely registering the way Chan’s arms tighten around him, another set of hands grabbing his shoulders as he’s lowered to the floor.
Hyunjin feels cold first. A shiver runs through him, bringing awareness to his body. There’s a cool wind caressing bare skin and he groans when he realizes he’s undressed. He hears a murmur but can’t make sense of it. His eyelids feel impossibly heavy, so tempted to go back to sleep.
The cold feels sharper at certain parts of his body; his neck, armpits, forehead, and- Hyunjin’s eyes open, glancing down his body but only making himself dizzy again. As his head clears a little more, he realizes what happened. He was so insistent on handling it that he failed to recognize that he was losing consciousness, and that’s why Chan dragged him off stage.
“Hyunjinie?” The voice sounds strained. Hyunjin carefully moves his eyes, meeting Felix’s wide ones. His eyes fall shut again, wishing he could escape the consequences of his own actions. “Are you with us?” Felix asks, panic bleeding into his voice.
Hyunjin hums, still so tired, but no longer sleepy. He hates himself for worrying Felix like that when he knows so well how it feels to be on the other side. For worrying all of them; they all look stressed and scared where they’re gathered around him.
“You passed out from heat exhaustion.” Felix says with an accusing look. If he only knew that Hyunjin is so stubborn that this came as a surprise to him too. He thought he was fine as long as he didn’t feel like vomiting, but it seems like the experience isn’t the same for everyone.
“Is there ice on my-?” Hyunjin tries looking down again, but is pushed back to the floor. He feels clearer by the second, and it’s only as his head clears that he realizes just how hazy he was during the show. It crept up on him so gradually, it was too easy to convince himself that he was fine.
“They said it would help.” Felix says, conforming that there is in fact an icepack on Hyunjin’s groin. If he wasn’t covered in ice, he’d burn in embarrassment. At least they left his underwear on.
“So you’re not just punishing me?” Hyunjin asks. He shivers at the cold and thinks that’s a good sign.
“Why would we punish you?” Chan cuts in, kneeling on Hyunjin’s other side. The ice packs are pushed farther into his armpits and Hyunjin tries not to flinch. It’s helping, but damn, does it have to be so cold?
“Do we need to punish you?” Felix asks. Hyunjin quickly shakes his head, he has learned his lesson. He is not insensitive to heat, and he can’t rely on anyone else to indicate if he’s fine. It was stupid to think he couldn’t overheat because Felix was fine.
“It kind of feels like a punishment.” Hyunjin says quietly. There are not just members in this room, and he really would prefer to cover up. Felix gives him a sympathetic smile, very familiar with the feeling.
“You can have a thin blanket when your body temperature returns to normal.” Chan says. It seems like a fair compromise. As exposed as he feels, he understands that avoiding heat stroke is more important than his pride.