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Athena’s eyes bounced back and forth from her phone to the road as she awaited further information on Maddie’s location. She normally wasn’t one to fidget, finding it obnoxious when others did so, but she couldn’t help herself from tapping the dashboard with her free hand. The car was painfully silent. It hadn’t seemed appropriate to turn on the radio and Buck was unusually quiet. In all the times she’d had the misfortune to share a car with him, he’d talked her ear off. It had driven Athena mad at the time, but now she’d give anything to hear him ramble about his latest hyperfixation. Seeing Buck so unlike himself truly broke her heart.
Buck was more often than not a nuisance to Athena, with his nonstop talking and childishness. Bobby had forgiven him for his inappropriate behavior on the job, but Athena was still warming up to him. She’d been grateful for his help with the home evasion case, but he still rubbed her the wrong way with his tendency to always stick his nose where it didn’t belong. Today had been no different, with him breaking into Chimney’s phone and interfering with an active investigation, but Athena couldn’t find it in her heart to be terribly mad at him. She was an only child, but Hen was the closest thing she had to a sister and she’d do the same for her. Besides, they truly were running out of time and Athena could really care less about protocol right now.
Currently, Buck was quieter than she’d ever seen him but for quick, unsteady breaths. His blue eyes were rough and rimmed red and he was curled up in a way that made him seem much smaller, reminiscent of a frightened child. It brought to mind the times Athena had been woken by Harry and May after they’d had a nightmare, and Athena found herself instinctively reaching out to grab his hand, giving it a tight squeeze. Buck initially flinched at the unexpected touch, but slowly his breathing evened out and he seemed to relax slightly.
“Thanks Athena,” his voice was quiet and sullen, thick with the effort of holding back tears. “I-I just don’t know what to do! She could be anywhere, anywhere alone with him. I should be with her, I need to be with her. Oh god, she could be dead right now!”
Buck started hyperventilating again, and Athena didn’t miss the way he was gripping the edge of the seat as though his life depended on it. Athena did her best to stroke the back of his hand while keeping her eyes on the road, but Buck was in full panic now.
In hindsight, she should have realized where this was heading. She’d raised two children, after all. Buck had gone from panting to sobbing in great big gasps, and suddenly his face, previously flushed with emotion, turned a sickly pale.
Athena realized a moment too late what was about to happen, and before she had the chance to pull over or even roll down a window, Buck pitched forward and gagged harshly.
Oh Buck.
The tires screeched as Athena quickly pulled over, not even bothering to use her turn signal. In an instant she was out of the car and rushing to throw open the passenger side window. Grabbing him by the shoulders, she turned Buck to face towards the grass, but it was much too late and most of it had ended up on the dashboard and down his front. Athena put that aside for now, kneeling at his side and rubbing his back the same way she’d done for her own children, on occasion Michael and now Bobby.
“Oh Buck,” Athena had never spoken this softly to him. “You’ve really gotten yourself worried sick.”
Eventually retches give way to ragged breathing, and Buck sat hunched over, foul spit dangling from his wet lips. Athena reached carefully into the glove box, careful to avoid touching the mess Buck had made on it, and opened it to find the tissues she always kept for such situations. Buck shuddered as she gently wiped his face clean and handed him his water bottle. He slowly took cautious sips, but his voice was still raw when finally spoke.
“God, Athena, I’m so sorry! Guess I’m really on your shit list now!” He glanced toward the inside of the car, mortified.
Athena chuckled despite herself and the situation. “Buckley, please! This car has seen a lot worse. You’re forgetting I’m a mom, this isn’t new to me. I’m more worried about you right now than I am the car.”
She stood and opened one of the back doors and trunk, digging for something for him to change into. “I think Bobby has a jacket left here somewhere, and Harry’s left his overnight bag for when he spends the weekend at Michael’s, but of course all his things are much too small.”
When she returned to the front of the car, Buck had gingerly removed his soiled jacket and shirt and looked almost shy as he hugged himself. Goosebumps stood out starkly on his bare arms and he all but snatched the offered coat from her hands, pulling it tightly around him like a blanket. Still, he continued to shiver, although Athena wasn’t sure how much is emotion and how much is from the weather.
“It’s way too cold for you to just wear a jacket, and besides, your pants and shoes are both a mess. I’ll see where the closest Walmart is.”
Buck immediately protested this, the first Buck-like behavior she’d seen since he’d learned of Maddie’s disappearance and Chimney’s injury.
“No, it’s fine. We need to keep going! Maddie is waiting for us, she needs us!”
“Buck, honey, if you think I’m going to drive God knows how many hours with that smell, then you have the wrong idea. Besides, we still don’t have any clues about where she could be, we need more information before we can really get moving.”
“Ugh, I’m so sorry Athena-” She put her hand up before he could speak further.
“I don’t want to hear any more sorrys from you. There is a towel in the back, sit on it and get yourself buckled while I try and clean this up.” Buck opened his mouth but Athena knew exactly what he was going to say. “And don’t even think about trying to help me clean. I don’t need you yakking again.”
Athena made quick work of cleaning the passenger side. Thankfully, most of it was on the dashboard and the plastic floor cover, both of which were easy to wipe off with the Clorox wipes Athena kept for this exact purpose. She hadn’t been lying to Buck about this car having seen some things over the years, the most recent being Harry thinking it was a good idea to have a lunch consisting entirely of Takis and Mountain Dew. That had been much harder to clean up and her car had reeked for weeks.
When she returned to the driver’s seat and started the car, Buck was somehow more quiet than before. A quick glance in the rearview mirror revealed he had returned to his curled, childlike position from earlier. His lips were pursed around his thumbnail which he was gnawing on tensely.
“Buck, what size shoe are you? I dunno what they carry at Walmart, but I’m sure we can find something you like. Do you have a certain brand you tend to go for? Michael has always gone for Nikes, but Bobby is more of an Adidas guy.”
Buck looked up from his nail-biting trance, frowning. “I can’t think about that right now. You could get me flip flops and pajama pants for all I care. Or we could just crack a window and keep going and I’ll make it up to you later.”
Approaching a red light, Athena slowed to a stop and turned to face him.
“Buck, what your sister needs right now is for you to take care of yourself. We aren’t getting anywhere until you calm down and get yourself sorted. There isn’t anything you can do right now but just that. And I’m sure if she were here right now she’d be saying the same thing. She wouldn’t want you tearing yourself up like this.”
“It’s what she’d do for me, it’s what she’s always done for me!” He argued.
Athena pulled into the parking lot of the Walmart, putting the car in park but keeping it on for the heat before turning back to face him once again.
“Buck, we’re going to go inside and get you some cute jeans and the snazziest sneakers we can find, then, we’re going to sit here and wait. I know you feel like this is your responsibility, that you have some sort of duty to save everyone, but right now we’re going to focus on you.”