Chapter Text
It was a peaceful evening, light spreading and enveloping the sister islands of the state server in a warm, tight hug of faltering sunset.
The bright orange shine made all the sand across the surface of Yggdrasil look even warmer and deadlier, while simultaneously giving a fuzzy and comfortable ambiance to the various trees of Pandora.
As time passed in a slow and steady rhythm that it always fancied, many remaining islanders were forced to welcome change into their daily lives…
Two months had passed since the brutal and tragic end of the Infernus war.
The happiness that swallowed every still-beating heart was quick to die when all the damage and loss finally became too loud to ignore.
For the first week, all hands willing to work were busy with cleaning up any war structures, long-set vulcano lava, and most importantly, burying and creating cemeteries for all the bodies of fallen warriors that were lucky enough to not get eaten by the will of the fire mountain.
As things were taken care of, everybody took to living again. Grief still looming above every decision, and yet those still alive did not hold themselves back from feeling happiness for long.
Well… most didn't.
Saparata was… not like most after all that happened in the recent months.
There was a time where he was no more than a simple young snow wolf hybrid, looking to make himself a true home on one of the smaller Pandoran islands. He cared not for politics, fights, dramas… just wanting to live a happy and unbothered life, away from any major civilizations.
And yet that was ripped away from him on the fateful day that changed so many lives and took away those very important few.
It wasn't hard to imagine just how much damage to his mind and body a betrayal of this level could cause. And if the still painful bruises on his arms and stomach from all the fighting and running weren't enough proof of that… then his recent actions definitely were.
At first, when he came back from his rather forced stay on Yggdrasil, he focused on rebuilding his old house. With the help he now had on his side, it didn't take long to take apart the dreaded roof and instead set atop a new upper floor.
Having a safe place to sleep — no longer having to spend the cold night in a clumsily made basement with his tail curled on himself — and finally being able to live the life he planned from the beginning did wonders for his scared mind.
He could finally go a day without his tail bristled and nervous, without his heart hammering so hard it might as well jump out, and most importantly, with the hardest decision of the day being whether he should take care of the small farm he made beside his house or should he reorganize his chest for Ish knows what time in the last week.
But even with his life being so peaceful to the outside eyes, there was still one thing, one very annoying thing that he just couldn't stop thinking about…
Fluixon.
His dear ‘best friend’ Flux who had died a gruesome death of jumping into the volcano crater…
It was so on brand for a man like Flux to rather die from suicide than the blade of an enemy. Or maybe he did it to die quickly? Maybe somebody with a sharp mind like him saw the upcoming torture the other players would put him through for all the harm he had brought onto the server, and he decided to cowardly take his own life… maybe he just wanted to hold on to the last bits of pride and be the one in control of his end.
There were just so many ‘maybes’, so many questions that danced around Saps' head every time he even dared to take a step back from work and let his mind wander.
At first, he felt angry and annoyed at himself for all the times he couldn't stop thinking about the men that tried so hard to ruin his life.
It was confusing and exhausting. Having to lay in the middle of the night staring pointlessly at the sandstone roof, thinking only about those raven hair and lilac eyes that looked so kindly at him just to then turn angry and vicious.
He tried crying it out, he tried starting a new hobby, and taking care of parrots sounded pleasing enough…
After all, staring into those small, beady black eyes that looked almost as dark as his own brought hope to his heart, hope that maybe those colorful feathers could take away the dread so often forming in his mind.
Admins above, he even built a grave for that wretched asshole to maybe put the soul that had been hunting him for weeks to rest…
But as the tics passed, that anger turned into sorrow and something that so closely resembled grief. Saps desperately didn't want to call it that. He didn't want to ever grieve a bastard like Flux. He wanted to be happy at his death… he really did.
And yet here he found himself, with a warm mug of tea, cheeks stained from heavy tears, and one thin, blue, fairy-like wing belonging to no other than Cass wrapped against his back in a comforting manner.
She found him weeping his eyes out, laying face first into the ground right in front of Flux’s memorial with wet sand sticking to his face. His trembling body was surrounded by a flock of parrots and their worried coos as he screamed with all the air in his lungs into the cold blocks below.
It was a rough night where he just couldn't take it anymore, and yet that same night — and a very long conversation he had with the leader of CassCoalition — brought upon him a realization he never wanted to have…
He was in love with Flux.
All those feelings, all those sleepless nights…
He couldn't help himself at first, feeling deeply ashamed of how his heart took to loving somebody as brutal as Flux.
But with time, as all things do, Saps learned to accept what he couldn't stop. The dread was gone most of the time, his thoughts still wandered but significantly less than they used to, and yeah, maybe if people of the server were to find out about his feelings, they would shame him, call him stupid and naive…
He didn't care for that, though. All he cared about was that at the end of the day, Flux was gone.
And therefore unable to be the one to call him out on his stupidity.
—
As the sun shone brightly in between the stone pillars of Saps’ home, leaving slim strips of shadows in between, he had found himself sitting cross-legged against the smooth floor. A lazy day slowly coming to an end as they all do at some point and a chilly night creeping just around the corner.
The day, even though rather lazy, still came out bountiful with all the hay that Saps managed to gather, now being slowly bundled into neat hay blocks for easier storage.
The fur on his tail and the strands of his white hair ruffled slowly with the light breeze that flew into the house. A calm whistle escaped his lips to accompany the distant squawks and calls of parrots that lived around his home.
It was a peaceful atmosphere that Saps learned to cherish very quickly after the war had ended. And yet there was still one little bundle of joy that made this moment even better.
A small blue parrot with one of her wings bound to her body jumped and twirled around the loose strands of hay that Saps was working on.
Her name was Lapis, creatively named after the trim of armor that Flux proudly wore before his death. She was young, excited about everything and nothing, and most importantly, clumsy enough to break her wing, which earned her a cast and lots of additional care.
Saps didn't mind her antics. He was happy to help and, to be honest, her daily crazy ideas — which sometimes there were far too many for a bird with a broken wing — brought a lot of joy, simple smiles, and quiet giggles to the empty walls.
Even now, as she made a mess from his work material, there was a small smile forming on his lips and a light wag to his fluffy tail…
Not much was needed for this rather peaceful and happy moment to end abruptly. One loud thud rumbling outside was more than enough.
It caught the attention of the small animal and made Saps's head turn towards the main entrance, his ears perking up almost instantly, twitching lightly to maybe catch any more clues as to what could make that noise.
It took no more than a few seconds for him to get his mind back together — soft frown creating atop his face — shaking his head and getting up from where he was set.
If it was any other day, Saps would assume that Cass came to visit, that maybe her boat coming to a stop against the sand made that thud…
No… That didn't make sense. The island might be of smaller calibre, but the shore was still enough blocks away that not even his vigilant ears could catch any noise coming from there, it wouldn't also be so loud and clear.
And Cass — as lovely a friend as she is — still has a nation to run. Her visits happened only once a week, maybe twice if something angered her enough. And with the sun already slowly setting… the possibility of her making that off sound was incredibly low.
Mobs were not an option either. His island was too well lightened up to allow hostile spawn, and keeping any animals other than parrots proved quickly to be far too inefficient with the structure of the terrain here.
Could some parrot just make a mess? Was he overthinking something so simple yet again for no reason?
Nonetheless, all those thoughts combined and the nervousness that still lingered at the back of Saps's head — coming from his time as a war fugitive, no less — made him pick up the iron sword he had previously used to cut the red string for the hay bundles, wrap his pale hand tightly against the hilt, and with a slow step make the way towards the entrance in hopes to investigate.
He didn't know what to expect; in hindsight, it was probably nothing dangerous and the nervousness was just a trick of his mind, no more.
Yet he couldn't help but feel the subtle ache to the scars over his body at the quickly building anxiety.
His feet slowly made their way onto the small sandstone deck, walking up to the long wooden staircase. The frown on his face only worsened when the blinding light of the sunset almost directly assaulted his eyes. Looking around, he couldn't spot anything out of the ordinary…
That was until his ears caught a faint whimper-like sound. His eyes followed the noise just to then notice something that made no sense whatsoever.
Right at the bottom of the stairs lay a body…
That in itself was weird.
But as Saps’ grip on the sword tightened — to an almost uncomfortable level — at the sight of the unknown figure, his steps slowly descending down, two small details made themselves known, small details that made his heart skip a beat in a way it hasn't in months…
That body that now occupied the stairs that lead to his home had the exact same metal arm prosthetic that Flux used to have.
The same raven hair that shines with a purple tint in the golden sun…
His heart flooded with dumb, unreasonable hope that had no place to be in his chest at that moment. There was a stranger on his island that just so happened to resemble his long-dead friend-enemy. It meant nothing. Flux had died during the war, months had passed by now, and this was just some random player tha—
“Saps…”
Only then did Saps notice just how much his breathing had picked up, alerting the stranger of his presence. His name, spoken in a raspy version of the voice he used to hear every day, a voice he learned to dread very quickly, just to then naively dream about hearing it again.
Once the stranger raised his head, Saps couldn't help his own eyes from staring stupidly into the purple orbs that tried so hard to maintain focus on his frame.
He didn't know what he was looking at… was this some cruel prank? Or did his brain suddenly decide to went schizophrenic…?
There was just no way—
“Saps..? Please–” Those words ringed in Saparata’s ears, his eyes going blurry with tears that threatened to break free from all the confusing emotions, his sword now held in both hands, pointing directly at the slowly rising silhouette before him.
“Stop talking.” Was all his brain could put together in that strange moment. His heart was beating faster than when he was running for his life from an entire court of players, all thanks to one man that now could barely hold himself upright.
“I don't know what kind of sick prank this is, and what dumbass came up with it, but its not fucking funny—”
“Saps. I-I know it all… looks strange, but please– I- didn't know where else to go–”
“Yeah well and I’m not stupid enough to believe that you're real! Flux had died in a volcano. Kind of burned to death, so I don't believe that me suddenly seeing him in front of my house months later isn't just some strange hallucination!”
Saps’ words were full of anger and annoyance, he didn't have enough patience to deal with stupid and cruel pranks like that. Flux was gone and there was nothing that could bring him back to life–
“I– I didn't burn to death!” The sudden raise of voice caught Saps off guard.
“I mean sure… I got burned. But… There is a fundamental difference between getting burned and burning to death!” There was a slight slurp to the words as the man’s face reddened in annoyance which only helped Saps notice the angry blistering wounds that stretched across ‘Flux's’ lower jaw, slightly creeping to his cheeks.
A moment of silence was shared between both men. Both studying the other's posture, not daring to make any sudden moves.
“Listen…” Flux was the first to take a deep breath and continue this strange conversation.
“I- shouldn't be here. I know that… you’re– you’re probably the last person that wants to see me on this server—”
“That's a bit of an understatement."
Saps' words carried far more venom than he ever intended for them to have. He still wasn't sure whether this was truly real, whether this Flux was his Flux… and he wasn't about to cry out his stupid feelings to some poser.
“R-right…” Flux's head alongside his gaze fell down, now looking at the planks beneath. “That's why I-I came to you in the end.” His voice was trembling more and more with each word, combine that with the slurpy undertone and you’re left with a raw, emotional voice that Saps never expected to hear coming from Flux's mouth.
“I– I- need you to k-kill me.” That was when the first tear fell. A loud hick followed soon after, bringing the raven-haired man down to his knees, still refusing to renew eye contact with the one standing above him.
“Y–you’re probably th– the one who deserves to–to do it the most… After all I-I done to you. I know– how pathetic I must look r–right now. But please! Please Sap I– can't take it any more.”
Saps' hold on the blade weakened. His own hands couldn't help but tremble at what was right in front of him. At the sight that made his own eyes glimmer with tears.
The Flux he used to know would never behave like that…
Well… he never really knew which version of his friend was the real one to begin with. And even if he did, who's to say that Flux isn't capable of change..?
Saps himself changed lots since the war ended… maybe just maybe Flux could do the same?
“My– my whole body hurts.. I- I can't even take a step without– without feeling like– somebody is skinning me alive–”
That was when Saps noticed something..
The hoodie that hung over the men's frame–
That was his old hoodie.
The same one that he gave Flux months ago, back when they still worked on his house foundation. That black-haired idiot forgot his coat and got cold after the sun had set.
It was dirtier now. The sleeves were slightly tattered, the material wasn't as white as back then, but unmistakably, the same sleeves that were now used to wipe tears and hold onto the floor for dear life, once belonged to him.
“Flux—”
“And I know– you have n-no reason to take, mercy on me–”
“Flux.”
“And– and that you, you should leave me t–to rot. But I beg you Sap! Pleas– just, just stab me, cut my throat– cut my heart out if you want—”
The stairs cracked under the weight of the iron sword that dropped onto their surface as well as the few rushed steps Saps took to close the distance between them as soon as possible.
“I'm too much of a coward! To— to do it, myself.. And– I just– just want this pain to end—”
“Flux.”
A chill ran down Saps' spine as his trembling hand made contact with the rough skin of the other's face. Flux's eyes immediately shot up, blurred by tears that still swam out and down his cheeks.
Saps was now crouching right before him, sword no longer in his hand, and those deep black eyes practically burning their way into Flux' soul… Desperately hoping to whatever god, admin, or server owner above that this was not an illusion… that fates took mercy upon him just this once and allowed this moment to be real.
“Deep breaths.” A thumb creased right under the purple eye, making Flux squint as the drying tears were carefully swept away.
“I-I–” Flux's mouth tried to form any response, but before they even had a chance to let out a word, Saps was already speaking again.
“Don’t talk right now. Just deep breaths in and out. You need to calm down first.”
It took a moment for their breaths to match the same rhythm. They both still trembled from all the looming emotions, and neither could break the gaze of the other.
A tired sight escaped Saps' lips as he didn't dare to take his hand away from the burning cheek it was laid upon.
“How— How did you even survive something like that..?” His head tilted to the side, one ear flopping down, making him look like a confused puppy.
That — even with the sour moment — made Flux let out a chuckle; it was raspy and definitely less proud than what Saps remembered, but it still stood as one of those things that kept him awake at night.
“A serious amount of luck… probably a bit of main character syndrome…” hearing that made Saps let out his own quiet laugh.
“andddd abusing the Nether out of golden apples that helped a lot too.” But that right there made him stop in his own thoughts.
“What do you mean by that..?”
“By what?”
“By the ‘abusing golden apples’ bit! Please tell me that you used something other than just golden apples to heal yourself after taking a dip in a volcano crater.”
Saps' second hand now landed on Flux's other cheek, positively smashing his face to make sure that he wouldn't escape the question.
“Was… was I supposed– are gapples not enough..?”
There was confusion on both Flux's and Saps’ faces. The only difference was that one stood from genuine surprise at his own lack of knowledge and the other at just how in the world so many players got played by someone so stupid.
Saps' hands dropped from holding the other's face just to then cover his own eyes in utter exhaustion. His ass, now landing on the stairs, because really crouching might have just proven to be too much.
So many things swarmed through his head at that very moment. So many questions as to how, why, and most importantly, what is he supposed to do now when his emotions and that god-awful crush won't allow him to make smart choices.
He spent so many nights praying for a moment like this to happen, so many evenings in his own mind playing out different scenarios…
And yet he never thought he would be put in place to explain and fix somebody's mistake of overusing something as basic as healing magic.
Especially not for somebody as ‘smart’ as Flux.
His train of thought was interrupted when something heavy pressed against his chest, fitting right into the gap between both arms.
Soft yet tangled black hair made contact with the material of his cloak and if just for this one moment, all those thoughts drifted away yet again. It didn't matter what future would bring, what mattered now was that against all odds, Flux was in his hands.
Alive, breathing.
Saps' arms instinctively wrapped around the other's head. It was an awkward, half-baked hug, but it brought a wave of relief across Saps’ heart. Almost like putting a piece to a puzzle that you were sure you lost for good.
“As charming as you making fun of me might be… Can you get this over with…?” It was a whisper that was so easy to miss, with a tone of embarrassment mixed into the quiet words.
A tired sigh left Saps’ mouth, going right into the raven locks.
“I know you’re an asshole, but can you just give me a moment to enjoy this hug?”
That was when Flux pushed away with whatever strength he still had to move.
Their eyes locked for whatever time today, and it brought a realization that spending so much time in his own head made Saps completely lose track of what the man before him was doing, and with that, none of what he saw in his face made any sense.
“Im not talking about the hu– ok I kinda ‘em.. but– I-” his purple eyes drifted to the side and behind Saps. They shifted from the men in front to whatever was there.
It took a moment for Saps to understand, his own eyes landing on the iron sword still laying on the few stairs above them. His breath hitched at what Flux was not only implying but outright asking him to do just minutes prior.
He was so focused on whether he was hallucinating it all and then on the fact that Flux was alive in his arms that his mind didn't proceed correctly with the others' requests.
And now that it has… all those mushy, sweet feelings, the annoyance, any emotion really, got replaced with fist-tightening anger.
He just got his best friend, his love, back and there was no force in this or any other server that could make him lose the man again.
“Flux no– I'm not killing you! I-I just got you back, there is no way I'm killing my- my best friend right after I found out that he’s alive when I thought you were—”
“Best friend..? I'm not your best friend.”
“Details, Flux, stop focusing on specific parts of what I said! I am not killing yo—”
“No, I will focus on those parts because there is no way that after everything I have done you still see me as your best friend! I never even was one to begin with!” Flux's hands pointed to himself when the last sentence left his mouth, eyes growing watery all over again, looking just as glossy as moments prior.
Everything he said was true, and Saps knew it. And even with all the self-awareness in the world, he couldn't stop the gut-stabbing pain of everything that happened from returning.
“Can we not talk about it right now?” was all Saps said, honestly a dumb question and the hope behind it was even dumber.
“I give you the perfect opportunity to take your revenge, to get your hands red with my blood like you deserve after everything, and you just won't do it..?”
“No I won't. I-I can't do it.” His eyes wandered down and away from Flux's own, not being able to keep the harsh eye contact.
“Why not?! Everybody else in your place wouldn't have thought twice, especially looking at how weak I am right now, not able to put up a fight no matter how much I would try!”
There was a moment of silence between them. Heavy like an anvil falling from the sky and equally as painful.
“What possible stupid reason could you have to not kill me right now when I'm quite literally begging for it…?” it was spoken so quietly, as if Flux himself just now realized what he had been refused.
So much raw emotion and pain in his voice and who could blame him…
Begging for something as awful as death on a hardcore server did not come easily, their consciousness was practically reprogrammed to not even allow such thoughts and yet here it was.
Just in how much pain was Flux and– and just how selfish it was from Saps to deny him this wish.
“I– listen this is neither the time nor place for us to talk about it—”
“Then what is? When is? What's your plan for me if you so stubbornly refuse to kill me?”
“I don't know! I don't know, but definitely not right now! Not– not right here! I— I just want to help you!”
“Help me?”
“Yes! I– you– I can't let you just crawl onto my front porch after you slithered out of admins know what hole in the ground and not help you!” The volume of his voice was loud enough to encourage some far-away parrots in displeased squawks.
Flux' own brows were furrowed, his hands squeezing the material of the hoodie as best as he could while clearly trying to understand Saps' thought process.
“Even after everything I've done to you…?”
“Flux, it doesn't matter right now what happened before. It's been two months for Ish’ sake! A lot has changed since then and– and… like I said it's not the time to talk about all that, just… let me help you for now.” With the last words, Saps spread his arms open, a completely different demeanor compared to the tight grip he had on his own pants just seconds prior.
A tired sigh filled the air this time from Flux’ lips. His head leaned again into Saps’ chest this time around with more force than before, as if keeping his own head up was a greatly exhausting task.
“I can't exactly say no, can I? No matter just how stupid your decisions are…”
“Call me stupid all you want, but at the end of the day you made your choice to come here.” Saps' hands this time did not embrace the black strands of the other's head; instead, they landed on his upper forearms, trying to blindly, if only by the touch, figure out just how bad Flux's injuries were. Seeing the painful squeeze of eyes did not tell him anything he truly wanted to hear.
“I was expecting a sword or an axe to the head if I'm to be honest…” Flux shifted from where he was sitting on his knees to now fully press into the chest in front. His head slotted almost mindlessly into the crook of Saps' neck… who are we kidding, it was definitely done fully mindlessly.
The exhaustion of wounds, tears, and dealing with a sap like Saps finally catching up to him, it would seem.
“And yet here you are. If it helps, you can see my illogical choices as my form of revenge on you. I know just how much you hate it.” Saps’ hands wander beneath Flux' knees, a silent request to lift him up communicated only through touch. Flux only slightly nodded in response, and yet his metal arm still clung tightly to Saps' cloak once he was lifted. It was hard to tell whether the reaction was from the friction pain or just fear of falling.
The trip up the stairs didn't take long.
And once they made their way up, the iron sword long forgotten on the wooden steps, Saps’ eyes caught the bright blue bundle of feathers that just so happened to be making what appeared to be a small nest out of the hay he had long left behind. When the bird spotted him, it didn't waste a moment to squawk loudly — far too loudly for anybody right now — in a form of greeting, happy to see that her favorite human was back.
Saps tried to shush it, in an attempt to not disturb the almost-asleep man in his arms.
That, of course, didn't work.
Once Flux tiredly raised his head, eyes sticking from exhaustion, he immediately spotted the blue bird not that far off from them.
“I knew you live with lots of birds around—” a tired yawn interrupted halfway through, which Saps couldn't help but smile at. “—but I didn't know you kept one as a pet.”
“Yes, well she’s not exactly my pet, her name is Lapis and she broke her wing, leaving me to take care of it. Who knows, maybe being injured and under my care will make you two friends?”
“Lapis, huh… I like lapis.” With that, he buried his face in the other's neck once more, eyes fully closed, breathing becoming more even almost instantly.
Saps just stood there for a long moment, looking as best as he could at the normally always controlled face as it relaxed right there in his arms.
He couldn't help himself, he didn't really know why oh why his stupid brain would make that move, but his lips lightly grazed the top of Flux' head.
“I know” was all he said, now only for his ears to hear.