Archive of Our Own

Cens 🏒💪🥅

Young
I know that we (the rookies) haven't been part of the team for long
And we also just recently learned about the whole Hollzy and Roz being married thing
But there was something else we were wondering and would like an answer for
If @Hollzy and @Roz are okay with a more personal question?

Roz
yes, is ok
but my favourite son has to ask the question
not you.

Young
WOW
I'll pretend to not be hurt by that 😔
Thanks a lot Papa Roz 😔

Chouinard
That was brutal, Roz
Be nice to your kids

Roz
i am nice to my kids
just not the one who dares to ship MY HUSBAND with a fucking dinosaur

Young
Will you ever let that go?

Roz
no never
will remember this on my death bed and hate you for it
and my last words will be "i hate connor young for shipping my husband with a prehistoric relic of a past time" before i eventually flatline

Young
Jesus...

Bood
Well anyway 😀
Who's your favourite today, Cap?
You change your mind pretty much daily at this point

Roz
how dare you boody
my favourite is and always will be little luca
obviously
he ships me and shane
he is literally perfect with fantastic taste and only correct opinions
bergy is shanes favourite, because they are basically the same person
and young is the other one that unfortunately also exists too

Young
Again
WOW

LaPointe
And what am I??
A chopped liver??
Hello??

Dykstra
You're the forgotten middle child, apparently

LaPointe
I hate this family ☹️

Hollzy
No, please don't worry, Pointy
You're also a very important son to us

LaPointe
One that is very easy to forget it seems...
Anyway
Luca
Apparently they'll only listen to you
You ask them then

Haasy: Alright, I guess
Haasy: So, we were wondering what your coming out plans look like exactly?
Haasy: You briefly mentioned before that you have a plan already

Hollzy
Oh, I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't that
Well, our general idea is to soft launch our friendship on Social Media and then gradually turn that into a relationship reveal

Roz
we post each other more and make people think that we are actually friends
before we reveal that we are husbands

Young
Right, right
Sounds good so far
When were you planning to start with that?

Hollzy
What?
We have been at it for a while already?

Holmberg
Seriously?

LaPointe
Really?

Haasy: Are you sure?

Roz
what is so difficult to understand here?
not too many unknown words for you, i hope

LaPointe
Nothing hard to understand necessarily
We're just a little confused?
Because it doesn't really seem like you're doing anything different from before

Young
Yeah
Like Hollzy hasn't posted anything personal like ever
It's always only sponsorship stuff

Hollzy
I posted a picture of me and Ilya together earlier today!

Holmberg
Related to your foundation work

Roz
so?

Young
That doesn't really count

Hollzy
Of course it does?
It shows Ilya on my feed
That we're working together
Not as rivals
As friends

Young
Right...
I also only publicly show I'm hanging out with my "friend" if we're doing work together

Roz
i do not like your tone, young man
and why did you say "friend"??
we are friends and showing it to the world

LaPointe
It's just that there's a lot of talk about your friendship being fake
Since you only ever post content with or of each other when it's related to your foundation, the team or shared promotional work
Always business
Never just hanging out together for the sake of hanging out
Like actual friends would
So everyone kinda came to the conclusion that it's a PR friendship, because everyone was getting bored of the rivalry and you didn't want to tank your reputations

Holmberg
Yeah
If I wouldn't know it better, I would still assume that your "friendship" is strictly PR

Hollzy
"Still"?
You thought that way before?

Holmberg
I did and can you blame me?
Before I joined the team, I was sure you're still rivals who pretend to get along for publicity
Because I didn't see anything to convince me otherwise anywhere
Except for the foundation announcement

Pike
Now that's a little dramatic

LaPointe
Is it, though?
We just think that you could do better
I don't know
Make it more believable, you know?

Roz
we do not have to listen to you
a bunch of stupid boys
alive for 5 minutes and suddenly experts in these things

Hollzy
We really appreciate your concern, but we'll be fine on our own.
Thank you.

Foal Barn 🐴

Pointy
They really didn't get our points
Or what we were trying to make them understand
Was also a little awkward because most of the guys just stayed silent

Haasy: I probably also would've stayed out of it, if I wasn't one of the people who started the conversation

Bergy
We could've handled that more delicately in general, I think

Youngy
Yeah, fair. That probably wasn't the best approach.
But still, that was probably one of the most frustrating conversations I've had in a long ass time
And I have to explain hockey to my grandma every time I see her

Bergy
So what do we do?
If they continue like this, their "soft launch" will go down in history as the worst coming out attempt ever
And after all the shit they already went through, they deserve better than that

Youngy
I actually can't believe that I want to help them after Cap called us stupid for caring...

Bergy
Fathers, am I right? 🙂🤙

Youngy
Wouldn't know what that's like
I don't have one

Pointy
Yeah, we can tell

Youngy
Fuck you??

Haasy: ANYWAY
Haasy: I actually already have an idea for how to make them believe us

Pointy
Why do I have the feeling that we won't get any sleep in the next few days?

Haasy: Because we definitely won't
Haasy: We have to make them understand how shit their current approach is
Haasy: By exposing them to the reality of their public perception
Haasy: And we're including the state of the shipping culture including them in that, too
Haasy: They have to learn the truth

Bergy
Yeahhhh, that's a good idea
They really have no idea what's happening online
Neither of the guys on the team do actually
Not even Harris
And like, not to judge or anything
But isn't that his fucking job in some way??

Pointy
Yeah, it's really strange

Youngy
Oh boy, Roz is going to HATE this

Pointy
I think we'll literally have to fear for our lives when we show them what's actually going on online
But fuck it we ball

Haasy: Love the attitude
Haasy: Because yes, Roz AND Hollzy will probably kill us for what we'll show them
Haasy: But it's necessary

Youngy
And because we can then also say "we told you so"

Haasy: Looking forward to that already, not gonna lie

Pointy
Same

Bergy
Okay so, what are we going to do exactly?
What's your plan, Luca?

Haasy: Each of us will pick a social media platform to go through
Haasy: Document every mention of Hollzy, Roz or both of them together
Haasy: And also tally up all pure shipping accounts that we can find
Haasy: To show them the actual state of this mess that they have created for themselves
Haasy: Specifically Roz

Bergy
Okay, gotcha

Haasy: But I'd say we stick to the biggest platforms for now

Pointy
So then we'd have to go through Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr and TikTok?

Haasy: Yeah
Haasy: Dips on Tumblr!!!!!
Haasy: That's my home
Haasy: And Twitter scares me lowkey

Bergy
Same here
I'd much rather take TikTok

Pointy
Yeah, same
There's a reason why I'm mostly avoiding Twitter
Instagram is not much better, but seems less intimidating than Twitter

Youngy
Fear not, my dear brethren
My brothers in hooves
I will sacrifice myself and take Twitter
So you don't have to
Bergy can take TikTok and Pointy can have Instagram

Bergy
Connie 🥹
Your sacrifice is well appreciated and will never be forgotten!!!!

Pointy
Oh Connie, my Connie
You are a fucking hero!! 🥹

Haasy: I would kiss you on the lips 🥹
Haasy: But neither of us deserve that.

Youngy
You can thank me by covering my groceries for this week
Because daddy (me) needs at least 50 energy drinks and a fuck ton of snacks to survive the rpf shipping side of hockey Twitter 💀

Pointy
Already have list with all your favourites
On my way to the store now
I got you, baby 😗

Youngy
Thank you, my prince 🤩

Haasy: Okay so, we'll all do our research and then gather all the information and create a presentation to share with the team

Bergy
Channelling our inner Shane Hollander with this bitch
Should we make it 300 slides for fun?

Pointy
That's our dad after all
Would be weird if we didn't get anything from him
But I honestly don't know if I have the energy or brain capacity to create a 300 slide PowerPoint presentation

Bergy
True
I don't think I have that in me either

Youngy
We'll keep it as short as possible
There's really no need to yap for 300 slides to bring our points across

Pointy
Okay, good.
We should probably tell the team that we'll need a day for all of them to be online at the same time when we share it with them
And then share our findings in the team chat
Though, holding the presentation in person would probably be better

Youngy
Yeah no, we're not doing that
We keep it casual via text

Bergy
Why?

Youngy
So we keep the distance between us and Roz and Hollzy, in case they really do try to murder us on the spot

Bergy
That's a very good point actually

Youngy
AND, more importantly, because I'm a silly funny seemingly social guy with crippling performance anxiety 🤪

Pointy
Don't know if you picked the right job then, love

Youngy
Don't have to speak in front of crowds when I play a good game
And the hockey isn't the problem

Pointy
Fair enough

Haasy: Back to the topic
Haasy: I'm already ahead of you
Haasy: And will be sending out emails to the team in a sec
Haasy: I was aiming for next Wednesday for the discussion
Haasy: That okay with you?
Haasy: 10 days should be enough time, right?

Bergy
I hope so lol

Pointy
If we need more time we can just postpone

Haasy: True

Youngy
NAH, we won't have to postpone if we get started immediately
Send the email Luca
Let's fucking get to work!!

Cens 🏒💪🥅

Dykstra
Okay
I'm here
What the fuck is going on?

Chouinard
First time in my life that I got an email telling me when to be online in a group chat

Bood
It's a very Gen Z thing to do apparently

Barrett
Sounds like it, at least

Hazy
These younglings again...

Roz
ok scott hunter

Dykstra
What does Scott Hunter have to do with anything right now?

Roz
hazy sounds like an old man
old man like scott hunter
keep up, evan.

Dykstra
Right
But seriously, what are the boys up to now?

Chouinard
First we don't see them or hear from them all week and then they set up this "meeting"

Pike
I have a very bad feeling about this

Marlow
I think this is going to be entertaining
Whatever this is about

Hollzy
Seriously?

Marlow
Yeah, got this tingling feeling deep inside me 👀

Hollzy
No one wants to know what's deep inside you, Cliff.

Hazy
I'm no one apparently
I mean what

Bood
Dude

Marlow
Oh, okay then 😏

Roz
cannot believe that you would dare to flirt with another man right in front of me, marley...
i thought we had something special

Marlow
Sorry, baby 😔
Won't happen again, I swear
You're the only one for me 😔

Hollzy
Hello??

Barrett
Guys.
What the fuck.

Haasy: Gentlemen
Haasy: Welcome

Bood
Okay Roz Jr.

Young
We're very happy to see that you all have made it here on time

LaPointe
Hello everyone :))

Holmberg
Hey guys! :)
We know this is a weird set up, but no one's in trouble
Least of all the four of us
In case anyone assumed that
We have prepared something that we really want to show to all of you

Haasy: And we need you all, especially Roz and Hollzy, to have an open mind about this

LaPointe
All of the points that we're going to make are based on day long data driven research and algorithms from multiple different Social Media platforms

Hollzy
Okay
Great?
What's this about though?
Like, what was your research for?

Haasy: The same topic that you already got angry at us for last week
Haasy: Your coming out plans

Young
And how shit they are

Holmberg
You didn't have to say it like that

Young
I'm already the least favourite, I can say whatever I want at this point

Roz
we told you that we do not need your opinions on it

Holmberg
Yeah, this is why we're now providing you with evidence that not even you two can deny
No matter how hard you may try
Because this isn't just based on our opinions, but cold hard facts

Roz
we will see about that

LaPointe
Yeah, we will
That's the whole point

Marlow
So what?
Roz called you boys stupid and you took it personally?

Young
Very personally, actually

LaPointe
We went full Shane Hollander research mode

Roz
oh.

Holmberg
You're actually not ready for this

Haasy: And maybe this will also teach you to not underestimate us in our field

Young
Our field being chronically online behaviour

Hollzy
Okay then
I'll try to keep an open mind
Seems like you put a lot of work into this
Least we can do is hear you out
Right Ilya?

Roz
...
right.

Haasy: Thank you so much for your trust :)
Haasy: Alright so, if you'd all be so kind to check your emails again
Haasy: I just sent you a presentation that we'd like to go through together :)

Young
Please be sure to not skip through, so you don't spoil any surprises 🤫

Bood
You said that you went full Hollzy with this
Do we have to expect a 300 slide presentation then?

Young
Fuck no
Based on the work we put into this it may not seem like it, but we have lives outside of our research
No offence Hollzy

Hollzy
...None taken

Pike
He says through gritted teeth

Hollzy
Shut up, Hayden.

Haasy: Anyway
Haasy: Let's get started
Haasy: I think it would be for the best if we rip the band-aid right off

Roz
what band-aid?

Young
We know you'll probably get mad at us for saying this again
But this time we have data to back us up

Roz
get to the point

Young
Okay
Your online perception is shit
No one believes you're friends
And among hockey RPF shippers, you and Shane are the least popular ship

Chouinard
Sorry to interrupt already, but I have a quick question
What does RPF mean?

Haasy: Real Person Fiction

Holmberg
Like shipping two (or more) fictional characters, but with real people

Chouinard
Ahh okay, gotcha
Carry on

LaPointe
I have to say, while I already knew that you two aren't the most popular ship, being the least popular actually surprised me

Hazy
What's the most popular?

Haasy: Oh, we'll get to that.
Haasy: Don't you worry, friend.

LaPointe
If you didn't get our point before, you'll definitely understand once we tell you that.

Marlow
Alright boys, enough with the foreplay 👀

Hollzy
I'm scared.

Roz
hate to admit it, but me too

Haasy: No reason to be scared really
Haasy: Others here should be scared for their lives, but not you two

Hollzy
That's....encouraging?

LaPointe
Originally we planned to do a "Top 5 most popular Shane Hollander & Ilya Rozanov ships" list, but quickly realized that if we do that, Hollanov (your shipping name) wouldn't even be included
So it's a Top 6 list
Technically we would've had to do a Top 8 list, but we chose to exclude the heterosexual ships
For obvious reasons
But seriously, Hollandry (Shane Hollander / Rose Landry) and Ilyana (Ilya Rozanov / Svetlana Vetrova) are surprisingly popular

Roz
oh wow

Hollzy
Really??
It's actually that bad??

Holmberg
It's actually that bad.
But first we should explain that we only focused on the solo shipping accounts
No cross-fandom shipping, multi shippers or concept accounts

Young
And keeping all of those factors in mind, we found 29 Hollanov accounts

Bood
That seems like a lot of accounts considering it's RPF

Haasy: And I'd like to disclose that two of those accounts are me
Haasy: We included them in the list, but they don't really count
Haasy: So technically it's only 27

Roz
why do they not count??
luca have you abandoned your roots??

Haasy: No, I wouldn't dare
Haasy: But after fans started finding the accounts, I was forced to deactivate them 😔

Marlow
WHAT??
Who's going to provide me with smutty Hollanov fanart now??

Haasy: I'll dm you

Marlow
Bless you, my boy 🙏

Hollzy
???

Chouinard
I'm actually at a loss for words
But I agree with Bood, I think
That's still a lot of accounts

Holmberg
Those are rookie numbers
Because the next most popular ship is Rozlow (Cliff Marlow / Ilya Rozanov)
With a total of 67 accounts
Marlow
Oh wow
All this time, I could've asked for smutty fanart of me and Roz instead???
And you're only telling me that now???

Roz
marley???
what the fuck??
how are more people shipping me with marley than with shane?????

Young
Roz, you publicly flirt with the man
On main
Multiple times a week
There are also pictures of you guys kissing
ON THE LIPS
WITH TONGUE
Fair, these were all set pre 2017, but still
How is any of this surprising to you??

Roz
...
no comment

Hollzy
We'll talk about this later.

Roz
ah fuck
that is never a good sign

Marlow
Sorry man 🫤

Young
Hold those thoughts, Hollzy
There's more
This was only the 5th most popular ship including one of you two

Barrett
Are there more Centaurs featured on the rest of the list?

Holmberg
Oh absolutely

LaPointe
Yup
You're not one of them though, Barrett
In case you were hoping for that

Barrett
I really wasn't

Roz
do not lie to yourself troy
you love me

Barrett
I love my boyfriend more, asshole

Bood
One would hope that's the case

Young
Yeah, and I can already tell you, it's probably not who you'd expect

Hazy
I'm on the edge of my seat 👀👀

Haasy: Up next, as the 4th most popular ship, is Shayden (Hayden Pike / Shane Hollander) with 84 accounts

Young
Another surprising one
Because as we were getting into the research I thought they're the most popular one

Dykstra
I also expected them to be wayyyy higher

Pike
Yeah, same here

Roz
watch it pike

Pike
No, I meant that whenever I post something that includes Shane in literally any way, at least 80% of my comments are just from Shayden accounts
So I also thought there would be way more

LaPointe
83,6% of your comments, on average, actually
We did the math

Pike
Of course you did

Young
We told you guys before, we took this seriously
And the offence deeply personal

Bood
So wait, this was only no. 4???
And we're already in the 80s??
What the fuck??

Young
The numbers will only get bigger
Trust

Holmberg
Up next is the first Scott Hunter ship

Dykstra
Oh God, this will not be good

Marlow
I'm excited 😛

LaPointe
Huntanov (Scott Hunter / Ilya Rozanov) is the third most popular ship with 97 accounts

Roz
WHAT
ME AND THAT OLD MAN??
ME?????????
HOW???

Young
We'll get to that
Because we have a logical explanation (and proof) for it

Marlow
Already sent a screenshot to Hunter's fiancé
He deserves to know
Kip said that he loves it

Roz
marley you are officially dead to me

Hazy
Thinking about it, I actually see the appeal

Roz
hazy.

Hazy
What?
Enemies to lovers is a popular trope

Roz
i will haunt you in your sleep
for years to come
for all eternity
you will suffer for this

Hazy
You're not that scary

Hollzy
I will also haunt you in your sleep.

Hazy
Okay now, I'm actually scared
I'll shut up 😍
Carry on, rookies 😀

Young
ALRIGHT TOP 2
WHO IS EXCITED???? 🤩🤩

Hollzy
I don't know if I'll ever be excited for anything ever again...

LaPointe
Well, not with that attitude

Haasy: The number 2 most popular ship, with a total of 121 accounts

Barrett
Fucking hell, that's another huge jump

Haasy: Actually Connor, you have the honour to announce it
Haasy: Go nuts, bestie

Hollzy
Oh, I don't like the sound of that

Young
Thank you so much, Luca!!!!
The second most popular ship is Shott (Scott Hunter / Shane Hollander) 🤩
My otp that will (sadly) never be 😔💔

Chouinard
You really should've included a guide for abbreviations in your presentation
Because what does "otp" mean now?

Holmberg
One True Pairing
The ship to top all other ships, so to speak

Chouinard
Ah, okay. Thanks.

Roz
young
i will murder you
this is a threat
YOU SHOULD FEAR FOR YOUR LIFE
SHANE AND I ARE THE OTP
NOT THE OLD MAN AND MY HUSBAND
FUCK YOU
i hate this so fucking much

Marlow
Oh baby, we haven't even reached no. 1 yet
I think there's another banger waiting for us
Don't get too angry just yet

Hollzy
I don't know if I should even say anything to that
I mean, I guess, I see somewhat of an appeal but how is it THIS popular?

Holmberg
You two are the golden boys of hockey with a squeaky clean reputation
That's the reason
Or at least the only one we were able to find
You're the exact opposite of Huntanov

Hollzy
Right...

Marlow
I also sent a screenshot of this to Hunter's fiancé 🫢
 Kip said that he loves this even more
Especially because I added Rozzy's crashout

Roz
marley.

Marlow
Yes, baby? 🥰

Roz
stop talking
forever
or i will murder you
and bury you right next to that traitor connor young

Young
Luca, you have to announce no. 1
I'm actually scared for my life now
I'm too young to die and he wouldn't kill you

Haasy: Nah, absolutely not
Haasy: I'm not risking my favourite son status with this

LaPointe
I'll take one for the team
I'm the forgotten middle child anyway

Holmberg
Our hero ❤️

Young
We love you!!! ❤️

Haasy: We appreciate your sacrifice 🫡❤️

Marlow
Oh, this is going to be a BANGER reveal

LaPointe
The number 1 most popular ship
With another LARGE spike in account numbers compared to number 2
With a total of 198 accounts.......

Bood
198????
What the actual fuck????

LaPointe
Is........
My dear fellow rookies, drum roll please!!

Young
🥁🥁🥁🥁

Holmberg
🥁🥁🥁🥁

Haasy: 🥁🥁🥁🥁

LaPointe
PIKEANOV!!!
(Hayden Pike / Ilya Rozanov)
🎉🎉🎉🎉

Roz
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT???????

Pike
WHAT??
HOW??
WHY??
HUH??

Hollzy
...
I don't know what to say.

Marlow
This is the best day of my life

Hollzy
Literally how is that possible??
They HATE each other??
PUBLICLY??

Barrett
How the fuck is that ship more popular than Shayden??
By 100 accounts??

Dykstra
No literally??
Where's the appeal??

LaPointe
Counter question
How can you all NOT see the appeal?

Roz
watch your fucking mouth

Pike
Or you'll regret it

Marlow
Awww!!
They're finishing each other's sentences 🥰
So cuteeee 🥰

Roz
marley.
thin fucking ice.

Young
No because for real, how do none of you see it?
Roz, you and Pike have day long chirping battles on Twitter
DAY LONG
One of them even went on for TWO FUCKING WEEKS
And while you don't like it and it definitely wasn't meant that way, it really seemed more like playful flirting than anything

Pike
I hate what my life has come to
Shane this is YOUR fault for bringing this man into my life

Marlow
Again, that sounds more romantic than necessary

Pike
Shut the fuck up
My fucking God

Haasy: And your latest feud didn't just go on for days, but also ended with this:
Haasy: *shared a screenshot*

Cens 🏒💪🥅

Haasy: Like...

Holmberg
We can't be the only ones who see it

Young
If I wouldn't know it better, I'd assume they clapped cheeks right after that

Pike
DUDE WHAT THE FUCK

Young
What?
Like Hazy said earlier
Enemies to Lovers is a very popular dynamic
And the heart at the end was especially telling

Holmberg
AND Pikanov is like textbook Enemies to Lovers

Roz
say this again and i WILL kill myself

Hollzy
Ilya no
You won't

Roz
but shane??

Hollzy
...Please

Roz
ah
and now you forced me to worry my husband
i hate this day
and no shane, please do not worry, i will not kill myself
i love you

Hollzy
i love you too❤️

Haasy: We didn't intend for any of this to come across as mean or actually harmful to someone's (Roz's) mental health
Haasy: We just realized that the two of you don't really have an actual clue of what your public perception is

LaPointe
Yeah, this is exposure therapy if anything

Chouinard
But how come Hunter and Pike are more popular ship partners for Roz than Hollzy or even Marlow?
He publicly hates them

Bood
And insults them

Pike
And let's not forget that I have a wife????
HELLO??
It's not just the fact that I hate him, but also that I AM MARRIED

LaPointe
But being shipped with Hollzy isn't a problem?
Interesting... #noticing
But anyway, the shippers know you're married
They just assume that Jackie is involved
Or at the very least sitting in the cuckchair

Chouinard
I feel like I don't even want to know what that is...
So, I won't ask
Sometimes it's okay to just stay curious

Young
I actually asked Jackie's opinion on the cuckchair discussion
If anyone's interested

Marlow
Oh, I'm SO interested
Please share
I'll pay you if I have to

Pike
YOU TEXTED MY WIFE??

Young
Sure fucking did
*shared a screenshot*

Jackie Pike

Young: Hi Jackie! This is Connor Young
Young: I play hockey with your husband

Jackie: Hi Connor :)
Jackie: I remember you, no need to be this formal
Jackie: We did shots together, we're basically best friends at this point

Young: LOVE to hear that
Young: Because, since we're best friends as you say, there's something I need your input on

Jackie: Alright
Jackie: What's up?

Young: *shared 3 screenshots*
Young: [The screenshots show discussions between multiple "Pikanov" shippers, whether Jackie would sit in the cuckchair, watching her husband engage in sexual acts with Ilya Rozanov, or not.]
Young: Thoughts?

Jackie: Okay.
Jackie: First of all, this is NOT where I expected this conversation to go
Jackie: And second of all, hell yeah I would
Jackie: That'd be hot

Young: Fantastic
Young: Thank you so much for your help!!!

Jackie: You're so welcome, lovely! 😚

Cens 🏒💪🥅

Hazy
She's actually funny as fuck for that

Young
I agree!

Marlow
I'd watch too
For research purposes, of course

Hollzy
Cliff.
I swear to God.

Pike
What the fuck 😭

Dykstra
Okay, but seriously again
How are these ships so liked?
I'm actually certain that Roz will fucking explode if he doesn't publicly insult either of them at least once a day

Holmberg
You just answered your own question
Because that's the thing
Roz interacts with both of them regularly
Daily, even
And the chirping is too playful to come across as hateful
And Hunter and Pike interact with him the same way
The chirping is mutual and that's why people like it

Young
And let's talk numbers, to get a little more specific
Out of the over 15k posts that Roz has ever posted on Twitter (fuck you very much for that btw, I'll never get back the time and innocence I have lost while researching this...)

Roz
no one forced you to do this

Young
You're wrong, because Luca absolutely did force us to do all of this
But now to the numbers, out of the over 15k posts:
Over 5k posts are exclusively about or with Hayden Pike
Over 4k posts are exclusively about or with Scott Hunter
Over 3k posts are about everything Boston (Marlow pre-Centaurs, the Bears, Svetlana Vertrova etc.)
Almost 2k posts are about everything Ottawa (mainly the team, specifically Chiron and Anya, and the Russian restaurants that Roz keeps recommending)
Then a couple hundred random shit posting posts that are just generally hockey related or not even related to hockey at all
And then finally, there are exactly 23 posts that include or are about Shane Hollander

LaPointe
And like I've pointed out before, those posts that do include Hollzy are all related to business in some way
Nothing personal
Nothing that you (Roz) would usually post
They feel very out of character for you
And there's at least 1k posts of Roz hanging out with Hunter at the Kingfisher or with Pike, Pike's wife and the kids, but Hollzy is no where to be seen in either instances

Holmberg
I mean, WE know he's most likely also there, but the people online don't
Because they don't see him
So to them, he's simply not there

Young
We totally get that you're simply being careful, because it's impossible for you to hide the heart eyes whenever you're in the proximity of the other
But it really gets to a point

Haasy: Most people assume that, if Hollzy and Roz are actually friends and are not just pretending to be for PR reasons, they met through their "mutual friend" Hayden Pike

Roz
disgusting
i am appalled
i am going to bed
today has never happened
i refuse to accept it
good night

Dykstra
Dude, it's not even 3 pm

Roz
I SAID GOOD NIGHT

Hollzy
No, Ilya.
Stay.
This is important.

Roz
...
ok
anything for you cолнышко

Bood
Walking him like a literal dog, I see

Hollzy
Shut up, Bood.
I really thought we were just being cautious to not get caught before we're ready
We didn't intend for people to dislike us together
Or hate the idea of us being friends...

Haasy: Well lucky for you
Haasy: We already have plans to improve your public perception
Haasy: (All the collected data and spreadsheets are included in the presentation, if anyone (Hollzy) needs a more detailed breakdown of the numbers and information)

Hollzy
Okay.
What do you propose we should do?
(Thank you, I will look at it later)

Haasy: First we need to know what your end goal is
Haasy: We have multiple ideas depending on your plan
Haasy: Like, how do you want to announce to the world that you're married?

Holmberg
The hard launch at the end of the soft launch, so to speak

Young
Because you'll have to outright say it at some point
You obviously can't keep it vague forever

LaPointe
I mean, you technically could try to keep it vague
But that would be very annoying
And would probably also come across as queer baiting at some point
It's a delicate line you'll be dancing on either way

Hollzy
Yes, I get that
So uhm, our plan is to announce after we win the Cup this season

Roz
like a big romantic gesture

Young
Right, okay.
That's horrible. Hate it.
You're absolutely NOT doing that.

Hollzy
What's the issue with that plan?
Why is it horrible?

Haasy: Because that doesn't just put a lot of pressure on you two, but also the rest of the team

Roz
that is why we did not want the team know about our plan

LaPointe
So you can silently hate us if we should lose and we wouldn't know why?
Okay, gotcha

Young
Toxic ass behaviour, Cap. I expected better

Hollzy
That's not what he meant.

Holmberg
No, but let's think this through
Hypothetically
Let's say we make it to the playoffs, we're in the finale, it's Game 7
Score is even, we're going into overtime
We're literally only one goal away from you guys achieving your dream
To be able to finally come out
Be out and proud, after you won a cup while playing on the same team and being married in secret
Then someone, let's say Hollzy for the sake of the story, has the puck, is close to the goal, has the opportunity to make a perfect shot and then...
For whatever reason, he trips
He loses the chance to score
The puck gets stolen from right under your nose
The opposing team takes this as their opportunity to score instead
To win the Cup
And they do
Cheers fill the rink, the crowd is going crazy
The opposing team celebrates their win
All while you watch
Realizing that you just lost your chance to use this for your coming out, like you have planned for months prior
Don't you think that would cause resentment?

Hollzy
I wouldn't trip.
That never happened before.
And never will.

Holmberg
But what if it did?
This is a hypothetical scenario, everything can happen

Hollzy
I guess...

Haasy: Generally speaking, tying your coming out
Haasy: The biggest fucking decision of your life
Haasy: To a luck based game?
Haasy: Recipe for disaster

Bood
I actually agree with the boys here
I like the idea in general, but that sounds like a plan that's destined to fail

Dykstra
And like previously mentioned, that's a lot of fucking pressure on all of us

Chouinard
Yeah, if one of us isn't on their game at any point during this season and fucks up, they'll know that they just fucked up your life
Essentially

Barrett
What they said

Hazy
^ to everything

Roz
overly dramatic boys

Hollzy
No, I get it
We have a plan B, in case we don't win the Cup, but yeah
That would still cause bad vibes within the team...
And between me and Ilya too, probably...

Haasy: So our idea is that you hard launch your relationship on your first year wedding anniversary
Haasy: No matter if we're playing the finals or didn't make it to the playoffs
Haasy: That's the set date for your coming out
Haasy: And I know that you'll do this no matter what, but it's really important that you'll write a proper statement
Haasy: DON'T do what Marlow did
Haasy: It worked for him, because he is, well, Marlow
Haasy: But that it definitely won't for you

Marlow
Hey, it was a solid tweet
My point came across 🤷🏻‍♂️

LaPointe
Dude seriously?
*shared a screenshot*

Cens 🏒💪🥅

Roz
my favourite tweet that has ever been posted by anyone ever

Marlow
Thank you, baby 😘
I don't see an issue with it whatsoever

LaPointe
Of course you don't.

Holmberg
Point is, DO A PROPER STATEMENT
And leading up to that, you two, the team and your friends outside of the team will do the work on Social Media
Because we first have to make the people believe that you're actually friends, before you can think further than that

LaPointe
Because if you don't do any of the soft launching prep work, or continue the way you did until now, the common conception will be that your marriage is fake

Holmberg
Promotional work to "improve" the reputation of the league
To make it seem less homophobic
Or some shit like that
Even if the league and its officials have nothing to do with your marriage
It's what people will assume

Roz
fuck the league
they would hate knowing about our marriage

Marlow
But Bergy is right, they would definitely take credit for whatever they can
Remember how they tried to take credit for the positive reaction of the Admirals when Scott came out?
Well knowing that they tried to force him into an early retirement because of it
Or how they tried to trade me away to middle of fuck ass nowhere after my tweet
They'll try something like this with you too
Like the vultures that they are
Because it makes them look better

Hollzy
And we obviously don't want that.

Haasy: Right so, Phase 1:
Haasy: Hollzy, you will IMMEDIATELY start posting more private stuff on your Social Media accounts

Hollzy
Why?
What's the point of that?

Young
You currently only post promotional stuff
Like from your ads, foundation stuff etc.
We've been over this, keep up please

Hollzy
Right.

LaPointe
And by starting to regularly post things from your private life, the soft launching posts won't look so out of place when you actually start to hint things
Create an online persona, that semi-regular posts and then we can start talking about relationship related hints

Hollzy
I still don't really see the benefit of that, but I guess I can do that
What kind of stuff are you thinking?
Like, what should I start posting?

Young
Casual stuff, you'd do anyway
Whenever you go on a morning run, a gym selfie, the smoothie you have for breakfast
Take a pic, think of a caption that would fit your millennial ass and post it
Literally anything would work in the beginning
Just get more active
Don't think about it too much

Hollzy
Okay. I can do that.

Roz
no shirtless gym selfies though
they are only for me 😛

Hollzy
Of course ❤️

Young
So cute and domestic
I love my dads
ANYWAY
Once you're more active and people get used to that, you can start including people in the pictures too
Show off your friends in casual ways

LaPointe
Post a selfie when you're hanging out with Rose Landry
Allow Jackie, or any of the other SAPs, to post pictures of you when you're babysitting their kids
Get photographed together with teammates, at a BBQ or something and maybe even feature Roz in those
Stuff like that

Holmberg
I actually already took a few example pictures at the last BBQ when you weren't paying attention
*shared 5 photos*
[the photos show Shane Hollander in various locations of the Boodram family home; some outside, some inside. In all of them he is laughing while talking to his teammates, or their partners. He looked unburdened, enjoying himself without a single worry.]

Pike
Wow
I mean, I was also there, but I don't think I've ever actually seen you this relaxed at anything team related

Roz
FUCK MONTREAL!!!!!
my beautiful stunning husband looks so happy now 🥹

Hollzy
I don't like the idea of people taking pictures of me without my knowledge, but these aren't actually that bad
I guess it's okay
As long as Ilya and I don't get photographed or filmed making out and that somehow ends up online, it'll be fine...

Pike
That sounds very specific...

Hollzy
Had to mention it
Just in case...

Hazy
Hang on a fucking second
"THESE ARE NOT THAT BAD"??
Dude, you're actually so fucking pretty it's lowkey upsetting

Roz
hazy.
last warning.
watch your mouth.
i know where you live.

Hazy
What?
You'd rather prefer me call him ugly?

Roz
no??
do not talk about his appearance at all??

Hollzy
Ilya, it's really okay
Thank you Hazy.
I think there was a compliment somewhere in there...
Okay, posting more personal stuff and eventually include friends, I can do that.
What then?

Haasy: You'll do this for a few weeks and then we'll go over into Phase 2

Young
Once you're more active and people are used to it, we can initiate the actual soft launching part of the plan

Holmberg
Your posting continues as normal, but occasionally there will be two smoothies in the frame rather than just one, or a gym selfie but it looks like you aren't alone there, a pic of your mug and there's another mug just out of frame
And then Roz posts the same pictures but from his perspective
Stuff like that
Nothing too obvious, but enough for people to start speculating what's going on
We're expecting an increase of Hollanov shipping accounts at this point, too

Hollzy
Okay, yes.
Taking notes.

Roz
sounds very boring
but if you are sure that it will help, i will do it too

Haasy: It will definitely help
Haasy: But it's also important that you don't just post pictures, but also generally interact with each other more
Haasy: And I don't care if you're sitting next to each other when you do it, but you WILL reply to each other's posts or at the very least like them

Roz
🫡

Hollzy
🫡

Bood
I'm impressed with you boys
Are you trying to come for Harris' job?

LaPointe
No thank you, I actually never want to do something like this ever again.

Young
^

Haasy: ^^

Holmberg
^^^
Love you guys and we'll always be there to help you
But this past week was my personal hell.

Hollzy
Sorry about that.

Roz
i am not sorry
they did this to themselves

Young
It was Luca's idea
We just went with it for some reason 😔
But anyway, after all of this
We eventually get to Phase 3
After months of building up hype and making people believe that you're friends; maybe even more
Since we're expecting speculations to start in Phase 2
We get to the hard launch
Aka revealing your marriage on your anniversary in a shared post
And watch the internet explode with hopefully mostly support
Whenever that will actually be, I don't fucking know their anniversary

Chouinard
You know this much about their personal lives and social media behaviours, but not their wedding anniversary?

Holmberg
We asked a few times
But Luca didn't want to tell us
And we obviously couldn't find it online anywhere

Bood
Why didn't he tell you?

Haasy: Because I needed this moment of glory
Haasy: The satisfaction to tell them, specifically Connor, in front of all of you

Hollzy
Sounds like that something Ilya would do

Roz
my son 🥹
finally making me proud again 🥹

Haasy: Okay so
Haasy: Connor, remember the day we became mutuals on Instagram?
Haasy: And you dm'ed me to shit talk the Hollanov fan art I posted earlier that day?

Chouinard
What a charming first impression

Young
Always knew how to make strong impression
And yes, I remember it being early June this year
Why?

Haasy: I told you that I was getting ready for an event, didn't I?

Marlow
Oh, I think I already know where this is going
And I love it

Young
Yeah, but you didn't tell me what it was

Haasy: Right, I didn't
Haasy: Because I was running late and I mean I also couldn't just tell you where I was going
Haasy: For reasons 👀
Haasy: The day he first texted me was June 9th
Haasy: Maybe that day rings a bell for some people here 👀

Hollzy
Oh!

Roz
oh this is funny
shane our eldest son is so funny!!
inherited all the best features from me

Young
I don't get it....?

Haasy: My dear Connor
Haasy: The day we became mututals and you talked shit about hollanov to me
Haasy: WAS THE DAY OF THEIR FUCKING WEDDING
Haasy: That's the event I was getting ready for

Young
SERIOUSLY???

Haasy: YEAH, it was actually the best day of my fucking life and I couldn't talk about it
Haasy: Couldn't rub it in your Hollanov hating face until now
Haasy: After YEARS of fighting for my life in the Hollanov trenches, I finally have the vindication for staying loyal to this sinking ship

Hazy
From everything that we've learned about "Hollanov" today, you totally deserve to gloat

Haasy: THANK YOU
Haasy: And I agree
Haasy: I HAVE earned this
Haasy: It's been ROUGH out here

Young
Alright Haas
You win this round
Sometimes delusions really do become reality 😭
I'm very jealous 😭

Haasy: As you should be

Dykstra
Let me get this right.
You made your fellow rookies go through hell and back on Social Media, spending DAYS of their precious youth analyzing the online behaviour of your teammates, just to be able to brag to Young?

Haasy: Basically, yes
Haasy: I mean, I also did it to help Hollzy and Roz successfully come out
Haasy: But this was mainly for me

Barrett
So you can brag to even more people once they're out

Haasy: Exactly that
Haasy: Helping others with the cause of own personal gain
Haasy: Can't wait to tell all the haters that I told them so 🤩

Marlow
Love that for you, kiddo
Making me a proud uncle 🤧

Young
I can't even be mad, because I definitely would've done the same

Holmberg
I feel so used...
I'm going to bed
I have a lot of sleep to catch up on

LaPointe
Right behind you, buddy

Hollzy
Ilya, our eldest son is a fucking evil mastermind

Roz
i know
i am so proud 🥹