Work Text:
- Santos
- Who’s on the woman in five
- Heather
- Donnie and I have her, why? Is she coding?
- Santos
- No, she’s just a massive headache and I wanted to see who’s stuck with her lmaooo
- Heather
- Rude
- Santos
- ❤️
- Frank
- Incident came up during my day off so I have a question for the group
- How would you get a cylinder (6.1in length, ~4.5in girth) unstuck from a M&Ms tube filled with butter and microwaved mashed banana?
- Santos
- KJHGKJSHAKJ
- DID YOU GET YOUR DICK STUCK IN AN M&M TUBE
- Frank
- It’s a cylinder.
- Santos
- LMAOOOOO
- Donnie
- Holy shit
- Frank
- Not a lot of helpful feedback in this group chat of medical professionals
- Santos
- I feel like I should be thanking someone for this moment 🙏 god or katy perry or something
- Frank
- Anyone other than Santos want to weigh in here?
- Donnie
- Are you coming in?
- Frank
- Why would I do that, I’m fine
- Donnie
- Your dick is stuck in an M&M tube??
- Frank
- It’s an unrelated cylinder
- Santos
- I mean I’m so used to giving and now I get to receive…
- Frank
- You know you’re not helping right?
- Santos
- You know I’m not trying to right?
- Ellis
- Maybe you should think about what you’ve done
- Frank
- That’s all I’m doing
- Wait aren’t you supposed to be sleeping right now, why are you in the dayshift chat
- Ellis
- Trinity texted me
- Frank
- Goddamn it
- Cassie
- Maybe experiment with thinking before you act, maybe that will help you in the future
- Frank
- 🖕
- And not helpful right now, *sponsor*
- Cassie
- This is good clean fun as far as I’m concerned
- Frank
- You love your job, you love your job, you love your job
- Yoyo
- WHAT DID YOU DO
- Frank
- You don’t actually get a vote here 🖕🙂
- Samira
- Try urinating?
- Frank
- I’m not sure what urinating can do about my trapped cylinder but okay
- Mateo
- What’s so important about this cylinder? Can you just cut it off at the base or something?
- Frank
- It’s attached to a larger structure
- Which is also important to keep safe and undamaged
- Mateo
- You could use a butter knife to loosen the entrance?
- Frank
- I’m not comfortable having a knife that close to the cylinder
- Santos
- Frank
- Still not helping
- Anyone not named Santos want to get on their phones during work time
- Whitaker
- You could saw through the M&M container
- Frank
- I don’t want to risk what’s inside
- Donnie
- Sounds valuable
- Frank
- Many would say it is
- Santos
- LMAO
- Frank
- Shut up
- Ogilvie
- If you freeze the container, you could smash the cylinder free
- Frank
- No.
- Not an option.
- Yoyo
- If you cut the cylinder cutting off the M&M container there are repair specialists that can help you. For a fee.
- Santos
- Really depends on how much you value the cylinder
- Frank
- Once again, it is imperative that the cylinder and larger structure remain unharmed
- Donnie
- Wait for the cylinder to go soft
- Frank
- What if the cylinder hasn’t changed size in approximately three hours?
- Donnie
- Then come on down to work bud
- Frank
- No.
- And I don’t know what the ER could do for an unrelated cylinder
- Santos
- You can avoid it all you want but everyone knows that you got your tiny dick stuck in a tube and are too embarrassed to admit it. Wait or get down here but we all know what you did
- Frank
- It’s not a tiny dick, its an above average sized cylinder.
- Mel
- Frank, Trinity just told me to check my phone and I haven’t had time to read all the messages
- What happened
- Santos
- Hi Mel, go ahead and scroll up
- Ellis
- Hi Mel, just scroll up
- Frank
- Hey Mel, don’t do that.
- Santos
- I just wanted to get our cylinder expert on the case to help out
- It was Garcia's idea
- Frank
- That’s such an interesting high horse for Yoyo to take, almost like she thinks I don’t have photos from freshman year of undergrad anymore
- Yoyo
- You wouldn’t dare
- Frank
- The cylinder. Must remain. Unharmed.
- My dignity would be nice too
- Santos
- Way too late for that
- Yoyo
- I hate you
- Mel
- How large is the cylinder
- Frank
- Big
- Santos
- I thought you said it was average
- Frank
- I remeasured.
- Mel
- So it’s a big cylinder?
- Frank
- Yes
- Santos
- No
- Frank
- Yes.
- Mel
- Let me think
- Donnie
- Things to learn from this experience: don’t start with live testing
- Ellis
- Any new updates on the situation?
- Any new cylinders in play?
- Cassie
- Did you get shy?
- That might actually help all things considered
- Frank
- Mateo
- How's the larger structure?
- Frank
- Not taking questions right now. Thank you.
- Santos
- When and in what format will you share your research?
- Frank
- Classified.
- Donnie
- That’s not very ‘man of the people’ of you
- Frank
- The materials involved are sensitive. They shouldn’t be given undo stress
- Santos
- You mean the m&m tube that your dick is stuck in
- Frank
- Cylinder. And no.
- Yoyo
- Is the Larger Structure able to maintain self respect after the cylinder incident?
- Santos
- Great question
- Frank
- Not a great question, terrible question
- Rude ass question
- Yoyo
- I see you’re not answering
- Frank
- I see four pictures in my camera roll where you’re streaking in front of a cop
- Yoyo
- LET ME LIVE
- Santos
- And are those photos in some kind of shared google album or-
- Frank
- Not after the last twenty minutes of harassment
- Santos
- Stop teeing me up if you don't want me to say something??
- This is entrapment
- Mateo
- I just wanna say you are an inspiration to us all
- I wish more people had the confidence to just shove a small cylinder (6.1in length, approx 4.5in girth) in a M&M tube filled with microwaved mashed bananas and butter without hesitation
- Victoria
- #whatdatmean 👀
- Santos
- Scroll up
- Frank
- When did small enter the conversation? It's average. A little big even
- I take everything I said back
- Don’t you people have work to do, how are so many of you in this chat right now
- Victoria
- You’re currently the messiest patient on the board
- Frank
- That terrible news, Pittsburgh do better
- Santos
- Don’t curse us like that
- Donnie
- Asshole
- Mel
- There are too many options according to google, I’m not really sure how to give advice without seeing it
- I can come over when my shift ends
- Santos
- HKJGDKJHDK
- Frank
- YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THAT
- Mel
- You still live in the brownstone right?
- Frank
- MEL IT’S OKAY
- Donnie
- BETS! GET YOUR BETS IN NOW!
- Mel
- I can be there around twenty after!
- Santos
- LMAOOOOO
- Frank
- FUCK
- Santos
- This is high art
- Mel with the steel chair
- Siri how do you frame a text chain
- Dana
- All of you get off your phones and get back to work
- You don’t get paid to Twitter
- Donnie
- They’re supposed to be paying us?
- Santos
- Dana do you know whats going on
- Dana
- I know you’re all on your phones and not on your patients
- Victoria
- Gross
- Ellis
- I think we got an HR lecture about how we’re not supposed to do that
- Dana
- Don’t try to distract me
- Brando Chalemet and Taylor Rodrigo can wait until the board doesn’t look like Christmas morning
- Emma
- So many proper nouns
- Victoria
- None of them correct…
- Santos
- How many tries do you think it will take for her to get a celebrity right?
- Dana
- My boot. Your ass. Get back to work.
- Victoria
- 🫡
- Santos
- Switch to the other chat
- Dana
- What was that?
- Santos
- I said put on a can do attitude and pick up a new patient 👍
- Dana
- That’s more like it
- Mel
- The cylinder is free and unharmed 😀
ER Dayshift
Today at 6:37 PM
Yoyo has been added to “ER Dayshift”
Today at 7:34 PM
Several people are typing…