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“You want to what?”
“A girl could never be a be a computer specialist!”
“You don’t even know the first thing about coding.”
The taunts, the jeers, the laughs, they all echoed through Katie’s head as she sat at her desk trying her best to complete her homework for the evening. But the events of the day were swirling in her head and Katie simply could not focus. It had happened quite simply. An in class essay of sorts, and the prompt was “what I want to be when I grow up”. Katie had thought the prompt was a little childish considering they were all in middle school now but she eagerly went took to the task. She wanted to be like her brother working in space, inventing, translating alien coding, she wanted that. And so she shared her essay with the class just like everyone else. But there was only silence once she finished and the proud grin on her face slowly faded away. Even her teacher simply said ‘that’s nice Katie.’
“That’s nice Katie,” Katie grumbled under her breath and gripped tightly onto her pencil. She grit her teeth and tried to write out the answer to the next question but ended up tearing right through the paper.
Katie knew what the phrase ‘there’s no use crying over spilt milk’ meant, she did, and she felt the phrase bubbling in the back of her mind as tears threatened to spill down her cheeks as she stared at the rip through her homework. But there were times when the littlest things were all it took, like spilling a glass of milk, to make you lose it. Katie tried to bite back the cough that was threatening to escape her throat. But she couldn’t. The cough came and the tears fell.
It wasn’t fair. All Katie wanted was to be recognized like Matt. To do something she wanted to do. But every time she brought it up, there was always someone. Someone to say no, someone to laugh in her face, someone to push her to the ground and say, ‘You’re just a girl.’ It made Katie’s blood boil. It made Katie’s self esteem drop. But most of all it made her doubt herself more than she already did.
“Katie,” there was a knock on her door, it was Matt, “Dinner's ready.”
Katie sat up and tried her best to wipe away her tears and compose herself, “Ok.” Her voice shook, and she hoped Matt didn’t notice. But it was Matt and the door opened. Katie stared up to the ceiling and cursed her brother for being so observant of everything.
“Katie,” Matt spoke softly as he entered, “You ok?”
Katie shifted forward and stared at the wall in front of her desk, she used the sleeve of her sweater to wipe away at her eyes again, “Fine.”
Matt came and sat on the edge of Katie’s desk and stared down at her, but it wasn’t really her, instead he commented on her homework, “Look at this, my own kid sister is doing calculus her first year of middle school.”
Katie stole a quick glance up to her older brother who was smiling warmly, but he still wasn’t looking at her, so she followed his gaze. He was looking over Katie’s math no doubt. It wouldn’t be long before…
“What happened here,” Matt pointed to the rip through the paper and then his finger lifted as he noticed the wet stains covering the lower half of the sheet.
Katie attempted to pull the homework away, “It’s nothing.”
Matt set a hand on top of his sisters and Katie looked up to Matt, Matt had that stupid look on his face. Well it wasn’t stupid, but because it was Matt, it was. It was the face that Katie’s father made when he wanted to understand what his kids were going through. There was no reason why Matt needed to make that face, and yet he did it so well, Katie couldn’t help but see her dad staring down at her.
Katie’s lower lip trembled, and then she spilled, “The kids at school they made fun of me today… Again….”
Tears were running down Katie’s cheeks again and there Matt was kneeling down right at his sister’s eye level, a hand on her shoulder, “They did not.”
“They did,” Katie hiccuped, “Because I want to go to space, because I want to…”
“Want to what?” Matt asked tilting his head to the side.
“I,” Katie lowered her chin and then mumbled under her breath, “Be like you.”
Katie hoped Matt didn’t hear, but he was Matt and he heard, “You what?”
Katie quickly looked up and was about to lie and say something but the look on Matt’s face made her stop. A mixture of pride and surprise spread across Matt's face as he stared at his sister, “You want to be like me?”
Katie could feel her cheeks warm up, “Well… Yea… Well actually,” Katie let out a small laugh, “I don’t want to be exactly like you, but I want to be an inventor or computer specialist.”
“And you want to do that in space I imagine,” Matt prodded his sister’s shoulder.
“Of course,” Katie grinned, but then frowned again, “But everyone at school said I shouldn’t… Because I’m a girl.”
Matt bit on his lower lip as he thought of the right thing to say, “And what’s wrong with that?”
“What?”
“What’s wrong with being a girl?”
Katie stared down to her lap, apparently there were a lot of things wrong with being a girl. It meant you got picked on for wanting to do something that ‘only boys’ can do. Or for wearing your brother’s old sweatshirts. It had always been something that bothered Katie, being a ‘girl’. And it wasn’t just what the kids in school said that bothered her.
Katie glanced back up to Matt, “I don’t know.”
Matt sighed and then he stood and held a hand out to Katie, “I know what always used to cheer you up.”
“What’s that?” Katie asked.
“Let’s count the stars.”
~~~~
“What are you doing out here?” Shiro asked pulling Pidge from thoughts of memories from a time that seemed so long ago.
“Oh,” Pidge glanced over to the older male, “I was just counting the stars.”
Shiro smiled and took a seat next to the smaller paladin, “Counting the stars?”
Pidge nodded, “Yea I used to…” A feeling of sadness instantly washed over Pidge and they couldn’t finish their sentence.
Shiro reached out to Pidge and lightly set a hand on their shoulder, “Pidge?”
Pidge shook their head and smiled to Shiro, “I was at just over one million when you interrupted me.”
Shiro let out a laugh, “Well let’s see how many more we can find.”
~~~~
“How many?”
“1,223,447.”
“So exact.”
“Well then how many did you get?”
“Umm 1,332,774.”
“Matt, you are totally lying!”
Matt sat up and laughed as he stared over to his sister, “How could you tell?”
“You just changed up my number,” Katie sat up and socked her brother in the arm.
Matt winced and reached to rub his arm, “You know I am sure the kids wouldn’t tease you as much if they knew how hard you could hit.”
Katie rolled her eyes, “Yea and I wouldn’t totally get kicked out of school for doing that.”
Matt reached over and pulled his sister into a death hug, “I know I’m teasing.”
“Matt!” Katie cried out and tried to free herself from her brother’s stupid hug.
“Come on you are going to have my arm bruising for weeks but you can’t get out of a hu-ooof,” Matt teased but was abruptly stopped as he got an elbow right to his stomach.
“Ha,” Katie snickered and stuck her tongue out at her brother.
“Har-har,” Matt inhaled sharply, “Geeze, my sister is so cruel.”
“Mm-hmm,” Katie nodded and shook her head, “I have no idea how you got into the Garrison Matt.”
“Well they do take people to do the calculations,” Matt sighed, “They never asked me to run a mile for them.”
“You are so going to die in space, amongst all 1,332,774 stars up there,” Katie laughed.
Matt mocked a pained expression and clutched his heart, “I come out here to cheer up my sister and she attacks me.”
Katie rolled her eyes, and the pair of them went silent. It took Matt, after moving closer to Katie, to break it, “So are you feeling better?”
“I’m making fun of you aren’t I?” Katie grinned but she still could feel the sting from earlier in the day threatening to make her cry again. Katie hated crying it made her feel weak and stupid. She shouldn’t cry. Because then people would know they were getting to her.
“Yea,” Matt leaned back and stared at the sky, “But I know you are still hurting.”
Katie didn’t answer so Matt continued, “And you are going to keep letting it hurt. Because you are you and Katie you like to hold onto things. You like to prove people wrong. You are like that. I admire it. You want to prove what you can do, but you are also afraid of being wrong and making a bigger fool of yourself. I know this, I can see it in you everyday. But Kate you are so smart. And you are so much better than all of those kids who say you won’t be able to amount to anything just because you are a girl.
“And I know you will make it far in life. You say you want to be like me but you are so much better than that. Someday you will be the one to solve problems no one has ever thought of. You will invent something that will save lives. You will see your own true potential and you will be incredible. You will be brighter than any of the 1,332,774 stars out there….” Matt paused and looked back to the world in front of him.
“And I know that being a ‘girl’ has always bothered you. But you don’t have to be the girl that everyone thinks you are supposed to be. Be the inventor, scientist, decoder, hacker, engineer that I know you can be. Be the person that I know you can be, and if you are a girl then that’s great, but you can be you too,” Matt turned and smiled to his sister.
Tears were threatening to burst from Katie’s eyes, so she simply slammed herself into Matt and wrapped him in a hug, “Thank you for being such a sap.”
Matt laughed and rubbed Katie’s back, “Your welcome.”
~~~~
“Shiro, Pidge there you are,” It was Allura and she had an expression about her that neither of the paladins could place.
Shiro stood first, “Princess, is something wrong?”
“No quite the opposite,” Allura answered and yet despite saying that she still held a rather worried expression.
“What is it?” Pidge asked standing and taking a place next to Shiro.
Allura pressed her lips together tightly for a moment then looked directly at Pidge, “I think that we finally found your brother.”
~~~~
“A real mission to space,” Katie’s mom grinned from her son to her husband, “How truly exciting.”
Katie was smiling, but it felt painfully faked. Of course Matt getting to go to space was incredible, in fact it was more than incredible. It was something that Matt wanted more than anything in this world, in this galaxy, in this universe. Katie was happy for Matt, but a part of Katie was feeling both jealousy and sadness, and in ways the two were not related. Katie was of course jealous of the fact that Matt was going to space, who wouldn’t be if that was on your list of dreams. But then there was also this sadness that Katie could not really explain. Sad that Matt was leaving? Sad that Matt was doing this first? Sad that… That something could happen… No, nothing would happen to Matt.
“Of course it isn’t for another two years,” Matt explained through a mouthful of green beans, so classy Matthew, “But we get to start training and preparing now!”
“Calm down son,” Katie’s father grinned while watching as Matt attempted to start another sentence and another mouthful of food.
Matt blushed as he coughed, “Sorry dad.”
“No need to apologize for enthusiasm Matthew,” Mr. Holt beamed, “We all could use it, but a little respect at the dinner table goes a long way.”
Mrs. Holt interjected before Matt could apologize again, “Oh come now he has every right to be excited even if he does talk with his mouth full.”
Matt rolled his eyes and continued with his meal, he didn’t say anything but Katie’s father turned his attention towards her, “You are awfully quiet my dear.”
Suddenly all eyes were on Katie and Katie could feel the plastered smile faltering, “I… I just don’t know what to say, it’s pretty exciting after all.” Katie picked up the fork she had abandoned and pushed her vegetables around on her plate.
Mrs. Holt was one who knew quite well when her children needed space and she could sense the overwhelming mix of emotions flowing off of Katie. Mrs. Holt knew Katie was happy but could also sense her jealousy.
Doing the right thing as a mother, Mrs. Holt pulled the attention back towards herself and the boys, “Dear what will they have you working on up there?”
“Oh yes,” Instantly Katie’s father went into a very thorough and detailed explanation of what he would be doing on this particular mission. Katie felt the corners of her lips rise slightly as she stared down to her plate. Her mood was lightening but she still could not find it in herself to have any sort of appetite.
A soft prod from across the table to Katie’s shin made her look up and make eye contact with her brother. He mouthed, “You ok?”
Katie rolled her eyes and went back to her dinner. But apparently that was not good enough for Matt because he kicked a little harder this time and Katie nearly slammed her fork on the table as she redirected her attention to her brother.
“What’s wrong?” Matt mouthed again. And a fuse that Katie did not know was ignited burst inside her. This time she did slam her silverware down on the table and stood pushing her chair far back behind her almost making it tip to the floor.
Silence filled the dining and Mrs. Holt cautiously broke it, “Katie-”
“I’m not hungry,” Katie shoved away from the table, marched away from her family and up to her room.
~~~~
“From what you showed us Pidge it had seemed as if your brother had managed to escape and get away with some rebels,” Coran explained pulling up the footage Pidge had retrieved months ago when they were rescuing Slav, the footage looped once before stopping and Coran continued, “We have been running various tracking softwares and algorithms in hope to find not only your brother but the rebels that escaped with him. It was going well until just yesterday an alert came forth revealing that very group was…”
“Was what?” Pidge asked the back of their throat going dry.
“Found dead,” Coran lowered his head.
A silence filled the room and Pidge felt like someone had punched right through their chest and to the wall behind them.
Allura quickly swooped in, “However, the rebels were the only ones accounted for and this was many earth months ago, their untimely death occurred days after Matt was rescued. And we found that the group responsible for the rebels death also took one member traveling with them captive.”
At this Pidge brightened, “Do you think it was Matt?”
Allura smiled, “We do believe so, however there is still bad news,” Allura pulled up another photograph of what looked to be a flying Galran fortress, “We have reason to believe that he was taken here, it is a research and weapon manufacturing fortress run by none other than the Prince of the Galran empire himself.”
“You mean Pidge’s brother was kidnapped by Lotor?” Lance asked his eyes widening.
“What would he possible want from Matt?” Shiro asked.
It did not take long for Pidge to piece the puzzle together, “You said it was a research facility,” Allura looked to Pidge and nodded, “If there is anyone out there who knows anything about research it’s Matt.”
~~~~
There was a knock on the door and Katie knew who it was before the door was even halfway open, “Go away Matt.”
But Matt did not listen instead he walked into the room and took a seat next to Katie. Katie was currently laying across her bed with her face in her mattress. She had come to her room and flew across it to the position she was in now. She hadn’t moved since and did not want to move anytime soon.
“I know you aren’t upset about the mission,” Matt spoke softly. At this Katie pushed herself from the bed and looked to her brother.
“What?” Katie glared at her brother, she didn’t know why she was so angry with him but it was boiling in her stomach and wouldn’t go away.
Matt sighed, “It’s about what happened in school, it’s still bothering you, and now this, this probably doesn’t help.”
Katie bit down on her lower lip and looked away from Matt, “I can just hear what they are going to say to me now. That of course my brother and father get to go to space, but I never will….”
“You shouldn’t listen to them,” Matt replied quietly, “What they say doesn’t matter.”
“But,” Katie’s lower lip trembled, “It still hurts…”
The bed shifted as Matt moved closer to his sister, “You know how when we count the stars we see less than we can actually count, but we figure through the power of mathematics how many there should be?”
Katie nodded so Matt continued, “Those kids are only looking at what they can see, they aren’t looking for the rest. They can’t see what their own future holds so why should they be able to see yours? You can look up at the sky and count a different number of stars everytime because you will always look at the same thing differently no matter how many times you look at it.
“Maybe just maybe Kate if you count the stars in yourself today you will find that tomorrow it will be different and you could be a totally different person,” Matt rubbed a small circle on Katie’s back and smiled to her.
Katie looked to her brother and shoved herself up so that she was sitting on her knees, she stared at Matt a moment before looking down at her hands, “The other day, you said I could be who I wanted, what I wanted…”
“Something along those lines,” Matt agreed.
“Do you think that one day I will ever look at myself and see something else?” Katie knotted her fingers together while she spoke, trying to keep her voice from cracking.
Matt nodded, “Like I said you can always count-”
“No!” Katie interjected looking up to her brother. Matt’s face was frozen a look of happiness for his sisters seeming understanding was slowly fading away with concern and hurt. Matt slowly closed his mouth and waited.
Katie inhaled slowly trying to calm down and think straight, “No, I understand your metaphor Matt but I am not speaking metaphorically. I am speaking literally. Do you think one day I will look in the mirror and see that scientist, or inventor that I want to be and it will be someone else. I mean I know it will still always be me, but I mean a…”
“A girl?” Matt finished for Katie softly.
Katie was surprised that her brother knew what she was trying to say, “Yes… Do you think-”
This time Matt cut Katie off, “You are whoever you are Kate, and if you don’t feel comfortable as Katie Holt, you can always find comfort in who you truly believe you are,” Matt laughed and reached out to grab his sister’s shoulders, “Even if that means chopping your hair off and pretending to be me. But you will always be a Holt, and you will always still be the same sassy pain in my butt little sibling.”
“I am not a pain in the butt,” Katie interjected, a genuine smile finally forming on their face.
“Kate let me finish,” Matt scrunched his nose and let out a small laugh, “But I promise you no matter who you are or what you become, you and I will both be up in space one day, both of us. And once we are up there we can finally count the stars.”
~~~~
“Let’s go over it one more time,” Shiro opened the room to review amongst the paladins.
“First,” Lance took the lead as he does, “We send in Shiro and Pidge on the green lion. Once they are in they will disable the monitors and sensors so Keith and Hunk can come in.”
“Once we are inside we will start taking the upper levels where the living quarters are and search for Matt there,” Keith continued.
“Meanwhile Pidge and I will survey the lower levels where the computers are kept,” Shiro added in.
“And while that is going on I will be watching the perimeter and ready for a quick escape with the Princess and Coran,” Lance stated proudly.
The team all nodded amongst each other all silently hoping to themselves that the mission would go well and everything would work. Hunk broke the silence, “What about the others on board? Are we really going to leave them there?”
Allura answered first, “We have no idea how many there are…”
“We should,” Pidge added, and everyone looked to them, “We should save them. As many of them as we can.”
Shiro smiled and patted Pidge on the shoulder, “Yes as many as we can.”
Coran beamed, “Perfect! No man left behind if we can help it, now Paladins let’s move!”
~~~~
Today was the day. The day that Matt was going to go up into space. Katie still so desperately wanted to be the one to go, but Kate knew themself a lot better now and had Matt to thank for that. Kate still was a girl in the eyes of many but Kate did not see themselves that way anymore, and what did it matter what anyone thought, Kate decided a long time ago to stop listening to what others thought about them and their dreams. And surprisingly enough the more Kate stopped listening to others taunts the more the taunts actually stopped coming.
“Smile you two,” Mrs. Holt chimed as she readjusted herself behind her camera.
“I hate this dress,” Katie mumbled to Matt as they moved closer to their brother and grinned.
The flash went off and Matt looked down to his sibling, “I know, but you still look nice.”
Katie rolled their eyes, “Yea whatever.”
~~~~
“Ok we’re in,” Pidge radioed once the green lion had safely made it inside of the fortress.
“Excellent, radio as soon as sensors are down,” Allura replied.
Pidge nodded and was about to quickly get out of their seat when a hand fell on their shoulder, it was Shiro, “Hey you ok?”
Pidge looked at Shiro bewildered, “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You are about to find your brother, you aren’t at all nervous?” Shiro asked hesitantly.
Pidge had never thought about this that way. Sure there was reason to be nervous. Matt could be brainwashed. Matt could be in horrible condition. Matt could be so far from himself that he would never recognize Pidge or even Shiro. In the endless world of possibilities there was the off chance that Matt might not be ok and it would not change even if he got rescued today.
But Pidge did not want to think that way, if they knew their brother, Pidge knew that Matt was alive and ok. So Pidge looked to Shiro and shook their head, “No I can’t be.”
~ ~
“Sir!” The soldier ran into the control room slightly out of breath, he quickly attempted to regain himself, “The Altean Castle... it was spotted.”
“Oh really?” Lotor asked and turned to face the soldier, “Then why have no alarms gone off? Why am I hearing about this from you?”
The soldier swallowed thickly, “The alarms and sensors have been temporarily disabled.”
Lotor leaned back on his heels and spun to face the main computer, “You there,” He shouted to his nearest assistant, “Check our systems, it appears we have a bug.”
The Galran nodded and quickly began scanning through the fortresses systems, at security the screen flashed red and an error message filled the screen, the soldier turned nervously to Lotor, “Shall I sound the alarm?”
Lotor strode forward and changed the screen to the cameras, he switched between them until he found one of the day halls in which his personal computers sat hard at work, “No we don’t want to warn them, besides I know what they are after.”
“You do?” the soldier at the door asked.
Lotor grinned, “Yes you said it was the Altean Castle? Well that castle has the earth humans who can form Voltron, I imagine they are here for one of their kind.”
“You mean the human computer?” the soldier asked.
“Yes,” Lotor rolled his eyes and turned back to this soldier, “And I think I am going to dispose of him. He has no more use here, I can easily find a replacement for him.”
The two soldiers shared a glance and Lotor only sighed, “If the paladins of voltron want him, they must know his value, so I shall get rid of him before they get any use out of him.”
“Yes sir,” the soldiers answered in unison.
Lotor was halfway out of the control room when he paused, “But I do suggest we activate theta protocol and begin to quietly move the others out. The paladins may be here for one, but I imagine leaving the others behind is not on their agenda.”
~~~~
“You have to be safe,” Katie repeated for probably the 100th time that day and 1000th time that week.
Matt stepped back and looked to his sibling, “I will I promise.”
Kate nodded, and spoke trying to mask the fear and tears threatening to show, “You are my only brother and I can’t save you if you make a miscalculation up there….”
Matt dropped his bag and knelt so he was closer to eye level with Katie, “You are my only little sibling, so I could say the same for you.”
“Yea but…” Katie began.
“Yea but nothing,” Matt pulled Kate into a hug, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do ok?”
Katie slapped their brother on the back, “That is a lot of stuff Matt.”
Matt pulled Katie back and glared at them, “You know what I mean. Don’t do anything stupid.”
“I have never done anything stupid in my life,” Katie laughed.
Matt pulled Katie into one last hug, “Let’s keep it that way. Don’t go try and follow me up there ok?”
Katie felt tears stinging in their eyes, “Can’t keep any promises Matt.”
~~~~
“Umm we have a problem,” Hunk announced over the radio.
Shiro and Pidge both took cover as Shiro answered, “What?”
“They are moving the researchers out of the living quarters,” Hunk replied, “I don’t know where they are taking them but they are taking all of them.”
“Pidge is it possible that any alarms were set off since we have been in?” Shiro asked quickly.
Pidge pulled up a holographic computer and began scrolling through it, “Nothing, no alarms have been triggered they haven’t even noticed that I hacked into their software.”
“Something's not right,” Shiro looked up and down the halls around them.
Pidge could feel panic starting to set in and self doubt was starting to linger in the pit of their stomach. Had a silent alarm been triggered? Pidge re-ran through all of the fortresses security programming and found nothing that would link to a safety alarm that had been triggered. It didn’t make sense unless someone had told whoever was running this fortress that there had been a break in... There was no where the paladins had misstepped along the way.
“Pidge could the cameras have tipped them off?” Shiro asked trying to find any sort of reason why the prisoners were moving now of all times.
Pidge shook their head, “I set the cameras to loop, unless they noticed that…” Pidge cycled through the computer until they were at the fortresses cameras. Pidge watched through the live footage and felt their heart sink after skimming through two feeds.
“No…” Pidge whispered as they watched the screen before them. Matt was being led away by Lotor.
Pidge stood up in a heartbeat, “We have to go now!” Before Shiro could interject Pidge was already taking off down the hallway.
Pidge watched the fortress map and ran forward, “I’m coming Matt I promise.”
~ ~
To say Matt’s life had been hectic this past year and half, would be an understatement. In fact Matt wasn’t really sure at this point how much time really had passed since the day he left earth till now. It may have only been weeks for all he knew. But if he knew one thing however long he had been gone, it had felt like a hundred times longer considering everything he had gone through.
It was supposed to be a mission to Kerberos and back. Collect information and come back. Up into space no more than maybe two weeks and come back. Yet that had turned into getting kidnapped by the Galra, nearly fighting to the death, being imprisoned on so many different bases, working as manual labor for countless different soldiers, and then for a split second he was free. He was saved by space pirates or rebels, as they liked to call themselves, and for the first time since he arrived in space he felt safe. But that safety only lasted for mere minutes it would seem, because next Matt knew the rebels were dead around him and he was in the hands of the Galra yet again. Now for months Matt had been working endlessly working on a weapons program that he just barely could understand. And now this…
He had been working as a computer along with the hundreds of others like him. Captured and had their gift of intelligence turned into a weapon that would some day destroy everything. It was any normal day inside this god forsaken fortress when the Prince of the Galra entered. He told everyone they were relocating and not to panic. Of course the natural response for anyone being told not to panic is in fact to panic, but Matt stood with the others and put his head down as he made his way towards the exit.
Once Matt reached the door however he was stopped, “Not you earth human, you are coming with me.”
It was going to be fine, was the lie Matt kept repeating to himself as Lotor lead him out of this block and back towards the center of the fortress. Matt knew that everyone else was being lead to the ships at the back, they were leaving… Matt knew he was not.
Matt cursed himself for being so lousy at programming. This was not his specialty, he was more focused on research and aided in development… Programming, well that was…
It had been months since Matt’s mind had even crossed over to his family and for the first time in ages he saw Katie’s face. There they were smiling at him, making fun of his habits or complementing his proper calculations. His sassy sibling who had looked up to him so many times and thought nothing of the best of Matt. Matt thought back to the day he went up to space and saying goodbye to Katie, Matt had foolishly assumed he would see his sibling again soon. Now however, Matt came to the horrendous realization that he was never ever going to see Katie again.
Matt’s vision went fuzzy and he sucked in heavily trying to hold back tears. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried either. He had cried a lot at first but as time passed Matt slowly became numb to the situation he was in. But the numbness began to fall away as Matt realized that this was it. This was the end of his story. All this suffering and no relief, but how much different was that from real life anyway.
No there was a big difference.
Matt looked up from his feet and turned his gaze towards the windows that lined the hallway he and Lotor were taking. The fortress was positioned in a pocket of space that was hundreds if not thousands of miles away from any planetary systems, and because of that one could really see how vast space really was. And Matt could see so many stars.
In Matt’s real life he had a family. He had friends. He had a home. He had a school that taught him everything he needed to know and more. He had warm sun. He had a dog that licked his face when he came home from the garrison. He had a sibling that he could always make smile. And in return he had a sibling that would always make him smile. He had a mom who made wonderful meals everyday. He had so much in real life. There was never any suffering in his life. And if he got to go back to that for just one day, he would die knowing it was all worth it.
“Alright that’s far enough,” Lotor stopped behind Matt and Matt took one more step before halting in his tracks.
Matt decided that if this was where he was going to die he was happy he got to do one more thing before he died, and that was to count the stars. So he did, 1…
“I really hate to do this to you earth human,” Lotor sighed, 11… 16…. , “But unfortunately I can’t have you be of use to anyone else, I hope you understand that.”
22.. 35…
Matt turned to face Lotor, he felt tears streaming down his face but he was smiling, “No I understand.”
Lotor looked at Matt’s expression puzzled for a moment, shook his head, and opened a hand out to Matt, “I hate for this to be messy so can you please come a little closer.”
40… 52… 67….
Matt looked to the windows one last time and then closed his eyes before stepping towards Lotor. He wasn’t going to fight back. There was no point. This was it. Matt felt Lotor set his hands on Matt’s shoulders, more tears spilled out of Matt’s eyes in response.
“I really do apologize human,” Lotor whispered as he took one hand off of Matt’s shoulders.
Matt held his breath and waited. He waited for the end. He knew it was coming so in what he figured were his last moments he tried to recall every happy memory he ever had. They started first of course with Katie. And the memories were so vivid he could hear them shouting his name.
“MATT!”
Just like when they were kids.
“MATT! NO! MATT!”
It was so loud.
It wasn’t a memory.
In a heartbeat Matt’s eyes shot open and he stared down a hallway just opposite the windows he had been staring out moments ago, and there running up the hallway was a very small individual wearing a green and white space suit. They had a helmet on so Matt could not really see their face. But their voice was all Matt needed.
“Katie?”
~ ~
“The green one,” Lotor sneered and pulled away from the human he was about dispose of. His father would be quite proud to know that he killed a paladin. So Lotor shoved the human to the ground and stood his ground a blade held ready in his right hand. He had yet to fight the paladins like this and he was ready to see how tough they were.
“NO!” The human jumped from the ground and threw himself into Lotor. Lotor swayed from the impact, but this human was not even close to being anywhere near a suitable condition to fight.
It only took a moment to process the situation, Lotor looked down to the human on his waist and smiled. Pathetic how easily humans showed emotion. Lotor easily peeled the human off of him and circled his fingers around the human’s neck with one hand.
“I am afraid you still have to go,” Lotor grinned and flipped the blade once in his free hand before thrusting it forward.
~ ~
Pidge wished more than anything in the world they could run faster. They had seen Matt and Lotor from the other end of the hall and sprinted with every ounce of energy they could muster. But it felt as if the hall only got longer as the scene unfolded. Pidge shouted for Matt just before Lotor stabbed him in the stomach, but that changed Lotor’s tactic. Lotor was going to fight Pidge, so Pidge pulled out their bayard and ran faster down the hall.
Then Matt intervened. He threw off Lotor if only for a moment. Pidge took that moment and tried their best to get their before Lotor did anything else. But Lotor was too quick and Pidge just wasn’t fast enough.
Pidge screamed as they watched the blade go right into their brother. Lotor held Matt a moment priding himself on his work and then dropped Matt to the floor. Pidge screamed as Matt gasped and reached for his side. Lotor gave Pidge a smirk and disappeared down the hallway. Pidge screamed.
~ ~
“Matt!”
“Matt wake up!” Matt rolled over in his bed and pulled a pillow over his head.
“Go away Kate,” Matt grumbled. Matt should have known his sibling better because next he knew his covers were ripped away and someone was jumping on his bed. That someone of course was Kate.
Matt groaned and sat up and found himself face to face with a very excited face, “Matt!”
Matt winced at Kate’s volume, “What could you possibly have this much energy for at,” Matt turned to look at his alarm clock, “two in the morning.”
“Oh stop complaining,” Katie didn’t answer instead they grabbed Matt by the wrist and pulled him out of bed. Matt couldn’t really protest to Katie’s surprising strength and followed behind them out of his room and down the stairs.
The next thing Matt knew he was outside on the back porch and Katie was no longer holding onto him, “Kate what are we doing out here?”
“What we always do,” Kate shrugged and popped a squat on the porch then looked up to the sky.
Matt took a seat next to his sibling and rubbed his eyes, “What do we always do this early in the morning.”
Katie rolled their eyes, “I thought maybe you would have figured it out by now.”
Matt watched their sibling carefully a moment and then looked up to the sky, “Oh.”
~ ~
“Matt!”
“Matt hang on!” It was Kate. It really was. It was Katie. Holding onto Matt. Matt never thought he would see them again.
“Shiro! Help please I found him,” Katie was shouting into their helmet. They shouted something else but Matt was stuck on the fact that Shiro was alive too. Shiro was here?
Then Katie went quiet and looked back down to Matt, “Matt you are going to be ok alright? We have these healing pods, they can heal anything. You will be fixed in no time I promise. I won’t let you die ok. You just-”
Matt cut his sibling off and reached up to set a hand on the side of Katie’s helmet, “I thought I told you not to come up here looking for me.”
Katie’s lower lip trembled, “I didn’t want to believe you were dead.”
Matt laughed, “I thought you said I was going to die amongst all the stars…” Matt coughed and blood patterned the inside of his elbow.
Katie grimaced and put pressure over the wound on Matt’s stomach, “I didn’t mean that.”
Matt smiled, “I know you didn’t.”
~~~~
“You want to count the stars?” Matt whispered.
“Of course,” Katie answered and looked over to Matt, “Just because…”
Matt frowned, “Just because what?”
Katie quickly looked away and back to the sky, “You are leaving in a few days and I just wanted to count them together one last time.”
Matt reached over and looped Katie into a hug, “You know I am coming back right?”
Katie rolled their eyes, “Yea… But I want to.”
Matt nodded and looked up to the stars, “Let’s start then.”
~~~~
Matt knew it was coming. He could feel everything inside of him getting lighter. The pain in his stomach was slowly going away. His vision was darkening at the edges. But there was so much he still wanted to do. So much he wanted to say. So he had to make his last minute count.
“Please hurry!” Katie was shouting into their helmet again. Maybe Katie knew it too. Matt didn’t want this to be the last time he was with Katie. He wanted more than anything for this to be the first time he saw Katie again after being away from them for so long.
“Kate,” Matt’s voice felt so far away and he hoped Katie heard him.
Katie went quiet, “Matt?”
“There’s something…” Matt knew his consciousness was about to slip away, “I want to do…”
Katie pulled off their helmet and looked right down to Matt, “Anything.” Matt wanted to smile and he wanted to cry. Katie looked just like him. Just without the glasses. Katie really had chopped off all their hair just to be him. To go to space. To save him. So he wouldn’t die.
“Let’s count the stars…” Matt whispered and used every last bit of energy he had to point out the window in front of the pair of them.
Katie smiled but tears instantly burst from their eyes, “I thought you knew how many there were.”
Matt let out a very faint laugh and looked away from the window and over to Katie, “That’s right.”
~~~~
“1,332,774!”
“Are you going to say that every time we count them?”
“Yes, yes I am.”
~~~~
Matt felt himself falling through the floor, he could feel his last breaths working ever so hard to keep him rooted to the spot. But it was no use. His body was giving up. Maybe if he had been stronger. Maybe if he had been in better condition this wouldn’t be happening so fast...
“Matt you said there were 1,332,774 stars ,” Katie was talking, but he could hardly hear them. He could hardly focus.
“Matt,” Katie was leaning on his chest.
Matt’s head fell to the side and he could just see out the window over the top of Katie’s head.
1,322,774…
“Matt,” Katie was crying harder.
That’s how many stars Matt saw.
Katie gripped onto Matt’s shirt, “Matt please don’t go.”
I’m not.
“Matt, I can’t lose you.”
You won’t.
“I have spent this whole time looking for you.”
I’ve always been there…
“I said I would never give up.”
And you didn’t. I’m so proud of you.
“What will I do without you?”
What we always do.
This time though, you can count me as one too…
~ ~ ~