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5.
“Based on your requests,” Hurley says, and tosses the first box over. Julia catches it reflexively and glances up at Hurley, who gestures at her to open it. She can feel Taako and Merle watching her as she lifts the lid of the box.
The mask inside is a lioness’s head, snarling viciously, with cold yellow eyes. Julia pulls it over her head. It’s a snug fit, but it covers her face, and she feels sort of badass in it. She turns to Taako and Merle. “How do I look?”
“Terrifying,” Taako assures her, drumming his fingers on the handle of the Umbrastaff. Merle nods in agreement.
“It’s a good look,” Hurley says. “You look very threatening.”
“Perfect.”She tugs the mask back off and turns it in her hands so it’s facing her. “Thank you.”
She flicks her eyes back up to Hurley, who offers a lopsided smile. “I wouldn’t have picked you for a cat person.”
Julia laughs aloud, trailing her fingers up the side of the lion’s muzzle. “I wasn’t for the longest time,” she says. “I used to want a dog. But times change.”
“Times change,” Hurley agrees, and throws the next box to Taako.
Julia closes her eyes for a second. If she thinks hard enough, she can still remember Magnus’s voice. He wanted a dog so badly, and she kept saying that they could get one as soon as things had settled in Raven’s Roost, as soon as they were sure they were safe. But he’d said the same things, time and again, please, Jules, we’ve got to get a dog, we have to--
They never got a dog.
Julia looks at the mask again. The lion is staring at her, still snarling, like it’s ready to pounce.
They’re going to win this race, she decides. Because she won’t let Hurley lose someone she loves so much.
2.
She leaves Raven’s Roost in the middle of the night.
It’s not cowardly, she tells herself, over and over. She’s not leaving them to fend for themselves. Nobody knows where Kalen is. Nobody has seen him in weeks, not since--
It’s not cowardly, is the point, even though she feels like a coward. At least she’s not running because of the fight, and at least everyone she’s leaving will understand. She’s had visitor after visitor after visitor, leaving condolences heavy in the air but not heavy enough to stick. The house is too empty now, without anyone there building chairs or forging metal or laughing. She can’t stay there.
So she brings what she can and leaves the rest behind. She brings all the food that she can carry. She brings her sword, strapped to her back, and lets the weight of it keep her grounded. She brings a bracelet, one that’s tight around her wrist but that she’s had since she was twelve years old. She brings a wedding ring.
Julia leaves Raven’s Roost, not because she has to leave but because she knows she can’t stay anymore. She leaves in the middle of the night and forces herself not to turn back until she’s miles away. She turns, and she can’t see the outline of the town anymore, and it’s only then that she cries.
3.
Work is hard to find, is the thing. It’s not impossible - plenty of people are looking for sellswords, and Julia isn’t above leveraging her folk hero status if it means being able to eat. People have heard about Raven’s Roost by now, about the couple that led the rebellion, about the widow. But she avoids using those stories when she can. She doesn’t need that pity.
Instead she works odd jobs, mostly as a bodyguard, and makes a reputation that way. Burnsides the bodyguard. Burnsides the protector. That’s the way it should be. She takes the jobs when they come to her, and then, one day:
“It says it’s the last job we’ll ever need to take.” Merle smooths the flyer out on the table and scoffs. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means after this I never have to work a day in my life again,” Taako says. “And I like that.”
“Me too,” Merle says. “But we can’t do it on our own.”
They turn to Julia then, in eerie, perfect unison. Neither of them say anything.
She doesn’t know either of them terribly well - Taako has a reputation from his show, and Merle has tried to hand her more Pan pamphlets than she can count - but she knows they won’t last long in a fight. They seem scrappy, sure, like they’d be fine in most cases, but Julia has been adventuring long enough to know that sometimes “you’ll never work again” means “you’ll die on this job.” And she likes Merle and Taako too much to let that happen.
“I’m in,” she decides.
Taako claps his hands together. “This is going to be great. ”
4.
The moon is less peaceful than Julia expected.
Or, no, that’s not fair to say. The moon itself is fine, but the Bureau isn’t particularly peaceful. At any given moment either something is on fire or Taako is planning something that’ll end with a fire, or Merle is arguing with someone. Most days Julia is there with them. Most days she’ll either help pick targets for Taako’s pranks or gang up with Merle to heckle someone, or even lead her own prank assault against the employees of the bureau.
But she makes an exception for today. Today is… something else.
It takes a lot of walking to find somewhere quiet, but she finds something that looks like it would’ve been a garden, with a little more love. There are terra cotta planters and stone benches, and she settles onto one bench, clutching her wedding ring in one hand.
Julia closes her eyes and tips her head back. Magnus would’ve liked it up here. Or maybe he’d only like it if she were there with him. Gods know she’d be happier if he were here to celebrate his own birthday, instead of leaving her alone. She’d been considering going back to Raven’s Roost for the first time in years, to see if anyone would celebrate her, but that’s not really an option anymore. She doesn’t have anyone to celebrate with.
She gives herself a full minute to mourn before she says, softly, “I know you followed me.”
“You’re more interesting than anyone else here,” Merle mutters. He plops down on the bench next to her and waits. She can feel his eyes on her, so after a few seconds she sighs and uncurls her fingers.
Merle leans in to inspect the ring. “Yours?”
“Yeah.” Julia sighs. “He would’ve been thirty-three today.”
“How old was he?”
“Not even thirty.”
“That sucks.”
“Yeah.” Julia opens her eyes. Her throat is thick. She’s just glad that he didn’t say he was sorry.
Merle is quiet for all of three seconds, and Julia can appreciate the peace. And then, for some godsdamned reason, he grabs a lock of Julia’s hair and tugs it. Hard.
Julia yelps and slaps his hand away. “Watch it, old man!”
“Your hair is almost as bad as Taako’s,” Merle announces.
“That’s bullshit, nobody’s hair is as bad as Taako’s. He doesn’t know what a brush is.”
“And when’s the last time you brushed your hair?”
Julia pauses. “It was definitely this month.”
Merle makes a disgusted noise. “This month , Pan’s sake, neither of you know how to take care of yourselves.”
“I’ve been on the road for a while!”
“Yeah, and you’re a mess.”
“Well, what are you going to do about it?”
Julia has exactly two seconds to realize that this might be something she shouldn’t challenge Merle on - as earthy as he is, he’s always well-groomed, and he re-braids his beard every morning - before he jumps to his feet. “That’s it, I’m cutting your hair.”
“You’re what? ”
“Yours and Taako’s both, come on.”
“Merle, this is ridiculous, I don’t need a haircut.”
Merle glares at her. “How’re you going to stop me?”
“Uh, I have a sword.”
“And I have spells.”
Julia raises her best skeptical eyebrow.
Merle crosses his arms. “And a warhammer.”
“I’m not letting you anywhere near my hair without a damn good reason.”
“If you let me cut your hair then I’ll let you help me cut Taako’s.”
“Deal,” Julia says instantly, because Taako’s hair is a rat’s nest, and that’s a sacrifice worth making. “Wait, can you cut hair?”
“I have cut hair before.”
“That’s not a yes.”
Merle waves her off. “Don’t worry, you’re in good hands.”
Julia thinks about it for a second. It’s been a few long years since she had someone who would cut her hair for her just because they cared. And the worst thing that could happen is she has to wear hats for a few months. Not a real problem.
She slips her wedding ring back onto her finger. Merle motions at her expectantly, and she gets to her feet. “I’m trusting you on this.”
“Big mistake,” Merle snorts, but he still looks pleased.
6.
“Kravitz,” Julia says, before she can stop herself.
Kravitz turns to look back at her, looking confused, but Julia doesn’t let herself waver. This is her chance. Maybe her only chance.
Her voice breaks, but she says, “Tell Dad I miss him. And tell Mags I love him.”
“Mags could be short for a lot of things, you know, and there are a lot of dads,” Kravitz starts, but something on Julia’s face must show that she’s not in the mood for any jokes, because he drops it immediately. “I know who you mean. I’ll tell them.”
“Thank you,” Julia says quietly. She knows Taako and Merle are staring, but she can’t bring herself to care. “Thank you.”
Kravitz steps through a rift in dimensional space and vanishes. The world shimmers and reforms behind him. Julia’s husband is somewhere on the other side of that gap. His soul is still intact. That’s the best news she’s gotten all day.
1.
The courier arrives three days after Magnus leaves for Neverwinter. He’s going for a carpentry competition, with a couple of friends and with Julia’s father. She doesn’t think anything of it. They should be safe. Everything should be safe.
Julia opens the door and sees someone she doesn’t recognize, stony-faced and watery-eyed, holding his hat in his hands. “How can I help you?”
“Julia Burnsides?”
“That’s me.”
The courier takes a deep breath, shoulders trembling. “Governor Kalen,” he starts, and Julia knows instantly.
She grabs the doorframe, digging her fingers into the wood. “My father,” she says, but her voice sounds like it’s coming from far away. “My husband?”
The courier shakes his head. Julia falls to her knees.
7.
Magnus looks up as past-Julia comes into his workshop. His face lights up as soon as he sees her, radiating warmth, love, life, and Julia crumples to the floor.
She remembers every second of the day, but she makes a point not to think about it. She can’t stand to watch it happen in front of her. She doesn’t want to see a version of herself that’s younger, less scarred, not yet a widow. But she can hear her own voice laughing, and Magnus’s, and then her father’s, and she’s sobbing before she can help herself.
It’s funny, almost, all the details that she forgot. Magnus has a mole on his chin, barely darker than the rest of his skin. Her father’s hands are more wrinkled than she remembered. She wants to reach out to them, to say hello. To say goodbye.
“Why,” she says, when she catches her breath enough to look up. The scene is paused now. Magnus is inches away from kissing past-Julia. Both of them are smiling, caught up in each other’s presence. Dad is behind Magnus, smiling broadly, looking proud. None of them know that Kalen is riding out from Neverwinter, ready to take revenge upon the man who took Raven’s Roost from him. None of them know that this is the last time they’ll all be together.
“You feel guilty,” June says. Julia would turn to face her, but she can’t look away. “You feel like it’s your fault.”
“Magnus led the rebellion, but I planned it.” Julia takes a deep, shuddering breath. “We did it together. It shouldn’t have been him. It certainly shouldn’t have been both of them.”
“You left for revenge.”
“I left because I couldn’t live in a house where all three of us should’ve been living together.”
“But you looked for Kalen.”
Julia laughs, briefly, mirthlessly. “Of course I looked for Kalen. He killed my family. I lost friends in the rebellion. I’d rip his fucking guts out if I ever saw him again.”
“What if you didn’t have to?”
Both of Magnus’s hands are tangled in past-Julia’s hair, pushing it back from her face. From this angle she can see the way she used to smile at him. She can see the person she used to be: not innocent, certainly, but not prepared for what she’s about to lose.
“Julia,” June says softly, “what if you could save them?”
8.
Two days later, as the morning-hazy light makes its way into the reclaimers’ official blanket fort, Julia says, “What did it offer you guys?”
“My arm.” Merle scoffs. “Like I don’t already have two of those.”
“The tree arm is cooler anyways,” Julia agrees.
“I’m glad you think so, because it’s your fault- ”
“It’s not my fault, you were going to lose it no matter what!”
“Merle, you’re still pretty even with the wood arm,” Taako says blandly.
Merle pokes his head out from underneath a stack of pillows to scowl at Taako. “I don’t need your shit, you know that?”
“But I’m here anyways, so I might as well give you shit.”
Merle harrumphs at him. “Fine, wise guy, what did the chalice offer you?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Taako says. “What happened wasn’t my fault.”
“Yeah, but…” Julia pauses. They don’t do serious talks, the three of them, and this is the kind of question that she can’t un-ask, but she wants to know. “What wasn’t your fault?”
Taako waves a hand lazily in the air. “There was a whole thing with poison and people dying. I thought it was because of me, but it turns out it wasn’t.”
“Shit,” Julia says softly. As cavalier as he’s being, she can see how calculated the hand-wave is. Like he’s trying to act perfectly fine. This matters. “Someone else poisoned people?”
“Fuck that guy,” Merle says. “I’ll kick his ass.”
Taako snorts. “You could try. He’d eat you alive.”
“And Merle would give him indigestion,” Julia finishes.
“Yeah,” Merle agrees proudly.
“That’s sweet,” Taako says sardonically. “What about you, Jules, what horrors did you have to relive?”
Julia hesitates, but only for a second. “I saw my father. And my husband.”
The air changes in an instant. Merle and Taako don’t know anything about Magnus and her father as people, or about the rebellion, but they still know her loss. They know this is serious.
“The chalice told me I could save them,” Julia says. “I used to think I’d give anything for that chance, but…”
“But you wouldn’t give everything,” Taako finishes, a grim shade of understanding in his voice.
Julia nods silently. Magnus might be the love of her life, and her dad might be her hero, but neither of them would be happy if she unwound an entire reality to see them again.
“Shit,” Merle mutters. “Fuck that cup.”
“Fuck that cup!” Taako sits upright suddenly, and Julia turns to look at him. “We’ve made- listen, we’ve made a lot of mistakes.”
“This isn’t a good pep talk,” Julia says dryly, to cover up the tears welling in her eyes.
Taako waves her off. “But we already made those mistakes, and we don’t get to just… un-make them. Who is that cup to try and decide what we should do? We’re here, that’s what matters.”
Merle shoots Taako a bemused look. “I think that’s the most emotionally in-touch thing I’ve ever heard you say.”
“Oh, fuck you,” Taako says without heat, and flops back down onto the floor. “I’m just saying, as much stuff as we regret, the stuff after it was okay.”
“Yeah,” Julia says quietly. There are things she would do to get Magnus back, but she wouldn’t rip a world apart for him. She wouldn’t give up her two best friends for him. Magnus would understand. “You guys are okay.”