Chapter Text
“Tam?”
He looks up and for a moment Kon can see the bare spark in Tim’s eyes that used to be fireworks. Kon sucks in another breath. They make eye contact. For a moment, they just look at each other. Tim breaks the silence.
“Kon? What are you doing here?”
Kon tries to ignore the fact that both of their heart rates just spiked (Why can he only hear Tim’s heartbeat now?) and breathes, “I just- I just wanted to see you.”
Maybe it was the fact that his voice cracked or maybe he just looked pathetic but Tim’s eyes widened just a tad. Not as much as they used to when his face was so expressive all the time. It makes Kon feel even stupider. He wasn’t expecting everything to be the same after discovering it’s been a whole year since he died, but is it too far off to wish that his best friend could have been there when he woke up? Don’t be stupid Kon. You can’t get everything you want. Tim reaches out like he’s about to–and Kon braces—then Tim aborts and opens the door wider. Kon breaks eye contact.
“Sorry,” Kon mutters, “is this a bad time?”
Kon braces for rejection.
“Not at all.”
Tim opens the door completely and gestures for him to enter. Immediately he can tell that this is Tim’s office. Everything is in place and in order but the desk. There are papers covering every inch, at least 3 empty coffee cups (doesn’t Tim hate coffee?) and a laptop that clearly has been worked on even though there is an office grade computer with four monitors ready to be used. It’s so uniquely Tim it’s hard to breathe.
“Sorry about the mess, I wasn’t really expecting visitors today.” Tim apologizes, head hung low. Kon just wants to gently cup his chin and make Tim look him in the eye again—that would be totally not okay. God pull it together dude.
“It’s fine Tim.” Kon smiles. But by the subtle shift in his friend’s face he can tell Tim disagrees. His point is further proven when Tim walks right past him to start fussing over the desk. Kon is at a loss of what to do now. He honestly didn’t expect to get this far. So like a moron he just stands in the doorway and watches Tim remove the clutter from his desk.
After the desk is somewhat more presentable Tim looks over again and lifts a quizzical brow, “Are you going to come in?”
Kon startles, “Oh yeah! Of course.”
Pull yourself together Kon! He took another deep breath, closing his eyes and mentally counting backwards from ten. nine, eight, seven, six, fi-
“Kon?”
“Oh sorry! Got lost in thought again!” He awkwardly scrambled into the office almost tripping over his feet.
“It’s fine,” Tim smiled, “Can you close the door?”
“You got it!” (Oh God.)
As he closed the door glancing out of the corner of his eye he saw Tim making himself comfortable in his office chair. Kon was almost fooled into thinking that Tim fits perfectly here. The Tim he knew hated stuffy suits and small talk. His Tim would rather fly free, swinging over Gotham, saving the world. But this Tim seemed to thrive on it. The suits, the boring small talk, office regulations, HR, the list goes on. How could so much change in only a year? Kon was at a complete loss. They’ve barely been in the same room for five minutes and Tim is already changing and shifting into something else entirely; something Kon can’t wrap his head around. If he doesn’t get his act together soon he might lose Tim forever.
“So,” Tim broke the silence, “Not that I’m not happy to see you but, why are you here?”
Kon blanched. Why is Tim asking? Can a guy not visit his best friend after spending a year more or less apart? He said as much to the boy in question.
“That’s not really what I meant, Kon.”
Kon couldn’t help but get a bit defensive. “Well what did you mean then?”
What's going on? Why is it already tense?
Tim sighed, rubbing his hands against his eyes he replied, “God Kon, I meant why now? Why when I’m working? Why-“
He looked away. His heart sped up. Was Tim embarrassed? Kon reached across the desk for Tim’s hand. The pressure of squeezing Tim’s hand always made Tim feel a little more comfortable. Somehow, Tim didn’t notice (or chose to not notice..) and brought his hands back up to his face just before their hands brushed together. Kon took a moment to study his best friend. He looked… worn. His eyes seemed duller than the striking arctic blue of Kon’s memories. Did he always have such deep eye bags? Kon took a breath.
“I wanted to see you Tim. Your old numbers were offline so there was no way of contacting you,“ Kon let out a sigh, “And this was the only place that you go to consistently.”
Tim’s eyes rose to meet his. For a brief moment, Tim’s eyes sparked again. Full of life, grateful to be remembered, and for a second, just a second, Kon let himself hope. Like all good things, it disappeared just as quickly.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Tim leaned back in his chair and rubbed his temples. A heavy exhaustion leaked into his voice. “I’m sorry Kon. I thought- well I figured no one would be calling me through that number anyway so I disconnected it. I should of planned better I mean Jason came back and I tried to-“
“Hey, hey,” Kon cut him off, “It’s okay Tim you couldn’t have known.”
Again Kon tries to reach for his best friend’s hand, Tim notices this time. Something like regret fills his already broken heart as Tim moves his hand into his lap. Tim sighs again.
“I should’ve.”
At least in some sick sort of way Tim being hard on himself seems to be some sort of constant. Good thing Kon knows how to deal with it pretty well.
“Come on Rob!” He flashes a playful grin, “You can’t predict everything.”
Tim’s face is a mess of flashing micro expressions that Kon can’t even begin to process. He used to wear everything on his face so clearly. Or did Kon just forget how to read him?
“I guess not. Still I’m sorry.”
“Nothin’ to apologize for Robbie, you’re all good.”
All Tim did was nod. Then suddenly-
“I’ve been a terrible host,” he practically teleported from his chair to the beverage cooler, “Would you like something to drink? I have…” his brows furrow, “soda, water, and iced coffee.”
What?
“No Tim it’s fine-“
“Please, I insist.” His eyes took on a desperate shrine.
For the second time in just a few minutes Kon was hit with how different Tim was acting. Logically, Kon knew that Tim must have been hit hard by his death (is it really death if he came back?) but something else must have happened. Tim could be flighty and jittery but it’s never been this bad. Not since his mother died. That’s not the point. Kon took in a shaky inhale.
“Uh- Water ‘s good thanks.”
“Okay.”
Tim always carried a lot of tension in his shoulders. They were his strongest muscles too because of his bō staff and therefore were quite sore when he was stressing over a case. It was no different now. Tim’s shoulders didn’t look like they were holding tension but Kon knows his best friend. Something is stressing him out big time. He needs to get to the bottom of it. Tim returned to the desk with a bottle of water and another cup of coffee.
“I thought you hated coffee?” asked Kon.
Okay yes he had to ask. Sue him if you have a problem.
“I don’t.” Tim sat down again, easing in slowly. Was he hurt? Or just tired? Curse Tim and his need to be so private about everything ever.
“So um…” Kon took a second to really look around the office. “Nice office…?”
Kon immediately mentally facepalmed. Nice going idiot. God why is it suddenly so difficult to talk to his best friend?
“Thank you…It used to be Bruce’s…But y’know..”
Crickets… Seriously what the hell! Why is this so difficult? Is Tim really so different that they can’t hold a conversation anymore? Is he different? To be honest, sometimes Kon still feels like he's fresh out of the test tube. Running on nothing but what Lex Luthor wanted him to be. Here he is now though, years after and something is different. How does he fix this? He just wants his best friend back. But where to even start?
And Kon has asked other heroes about what Tim was up to when he was dead. Why is he 17 and a majority shareholder at one of the most powerful companies in the world? What about his dream to be a photographer? And why does no one know what happened to his best friend for a year?
Kon mustered up the courage to ask another question.
“Are you happy here?” He looked deep into Tim’s eyes, willing an honest answer from him.
“Enough.” replied Tim, “That’s what matters.”
“Enough? What kind of answer is that Tim? What about your dreams?!” Kon rose to stand, leaning on Tim’s desk, curling his fingers into the nice dark mahogany wood that probably costs more money than Kon has seen in his life. “Tim what happened?”
“It was part of the plan–” Tim cut himself off, “If we talk about this we need to pull the curtains down–”
“Why?”
“Please Kon. Just do as I say please.” He begged.
Quickly the curtains were pulled down and some soft lockdown was engaged. Did that creepy old man really make Tim that paranoid? Stupid Robbie and giant trouble magnet.
Tim sighed, he sounded twice his age and a year younger at the same time.
“The plan was to take over W.E. So Ra’s couldn’t have it. Bruce was going to get it back after… But things got complicated and I kept it… I probably would have ended up here at some point anyway.” Tim explained as if this was completely normal and not batshit insane.
Kon can read between the lines. Why did Bruce not want his company back? And Tim didn’t want an office job. Kon knows this. So why? This was confusing, Kon could barely wrap his head around it. Just as Kon was about to voice this, he noticed. Tim was 20 times more tense than he was a minute ago, he looked on the brink of exhaustion, his hair was a mess. His best friend looked like shit. Kon decided maybe today wasn’t a good day for all this. There’s always more time right?
“You look exhausted dude. Go home and get some rest, Okay?” Kon stood up again, rounding the desk so they were on the same side. “Call me later, I…” He hesitated, “I missed you.”
Tim stood up now too. “I missed you too Kon.. I’ll try to call… There's just so much going on…” He raised his hands as he was talking. It was such a Tim thing, a normal Tim thing that it took Kon a second to even process the words that went with it.
How easy would it be to just reach over and close the distance? How easy would it be to hold his best friend for a while? How easy would it be to be selfish and get everything he wants at this moment? But Kon may be a bit of a coward. So he keeps his hands to himself.
“Hey don’t sweat it man… Just when you get a moment, okay?”
“Okay…”
༻𓅩༺
Days pass. Nothing. To be honest, it's hard not to go back to Gotham, risking The Batman’s wrath and all. But Kon needs to be patient. He knows his best friend, he just needs some time. But it’s hard when everyday the feeling of abandonment that has been bubbling up from a deep dark place in the bottom of his heart grows every day. He knows logically that Tim wouldn’t do something like that to him, given their history together at least. But he doesn’t do a lot of thinking with his head now does he. Tim always said Kon was quite emotional. He would say that the emotions were a good thing, and made him human. But now Kon wished nothing more than to not have to experience the extreme emotional turmoil that he's been dealing with ever since he came back from the dead.
Apparently it's normal according to people he has spoken to, other heroes and the like, but what about his situation is normal? Well, he's a test tube baby practically, he was stuck at 16 for a few years but he's actually like only 5(?) years old, hes half alien half human, oh yeah and he fucking died. So all those heroes could suck it.
Okay deep breaths. In… out…
Kon has been spending a lot of time at Kent Farm. Ma said he was banned from going on missions at all for a few months while he recovered from the craziness that was his whole weird revival and everything that followed. He understands but it sucks. There's nothing to distract himself with for a while so he’s been forced to deal with his feelings head on. Besides, it takes a bit to re-set up his civilian identity and make him a “functioning member of society” again.
So Kon has been completing various farm tasks, trying to avoid Superman when he comes to visit and try to not be mad at Jon for taking Superboy from him, and trying to convince Ma that going back to highschool sounds absolutely awful and he would rather do anything else. Besides he could always just work on the farm? Or he could get his GED or something like that if he wanted to go back to school. So far he hasn’t had much success in the argument. Ma wants him to feel normal. It’s a bit hard to feel normal when you have superpowers and died. Whatever, it’s fine.
Kon has taken to spending more time outside then he had before. The sunlight just feels so warm and wonderful. It seeps into his skin and makes him feel energized. He never appreciated this before. Sitting on the roof of the barn, just outside the loft, Kon tilts his face to the morning sky. Soaking up the rays of sunlight, he allows himself a moment of reprieve.
Like always, his thoughts are drawn back to his best friend. Kon sees him everywhere. It's hard not to. For someone who is slow to open up, Tim has a habit of leaving traces of himself in every little crevice of Kon’s life. He thinks of Tim daily–it's worse than before–and Kon can’t help but be worried about him. Kom just gets so caught up in his head and next thing he knows he's reaching for his phone and about to dial Tim’s number–the one he disconnected after Kon died–and ask him what is happening to them? What went wrong?
“Conner?! Ya up there son?” a voice calls out, Pa.
Kon snaps out of his idle musings, shaking his head to clear the thoughts he calls back, “Pa?!”
Pa steps into view, based on the mess of hay and dirt on the older man’s clothing he must have been just cleaning out the barn.
“Pa, I could've helped you out with that,” Kon stands up, he jumps, allowing his body to fall for a moment before allowing his TTK to cover his body and let him float down to safety. He comes to stand next to Pa. Just shy of his height. “Ya need somethin’?”
Pa only chuckles, “My boy, you were off in dreamland, no way were you going to be able to shovel the horse manure without falling into it face first.”
Oh he so wouldn't! And Kon took great pleasure in telling Pa as such. Pa had done that the first time he met Ma, at least that's what Ma says, she could've lied. Who knows with her.
“Walk with me.” Pa said, y'know instead of admitting to his embarrassment.
They fell in step with each other, they didn’t often go on walks together, if they did they normally took Krypto with them but the dog was in Metropolis with the Kent-Lanes. Pa steered them toward the garden. And for a while they walked together silently, Pa only stopped occasionally to check on Ma’s plants, carrots, cucumbers, everything really.
Pa broke the silence, “You are worried about your boy aren’t ya?”
Kon blanched, His boy? His- Oh shit- Tim.
“Tim?”
Pa smiled, “Who else?”
Pa slowed to a stop, resting his hand on Kon’s shoulder. Subconsciously Kon raised his hand to cover it. He didn't know what Pa was trying to get at and he didn't particularly want to find out. Still, if Pa wanted a heart to heart, a heart to heart he was probably going to get.
Kon sighed, taking his hand from his shoulder he dragged it down his face, “Yes I guess I’m worried. Why?”
“Why?” Pa chuckled, “You look like you haven't slept a wink son, I’m worried about ya.”
He sighed, “Would you like to talk about it?”
And y'know what? That sounds pretty great right now. So Kon told him, he told him about tracking down Tim, their short conversation at his office, everything. During their conversation, Pa sat them down on Ma’s garden bench. Kon leaned onto Pa’s shoulder, talking animatedly about everything he’s been feeling lately. The strangeness of how awkward the conversation was, the fear of them not being able to fully reconnect…
“And what if he doesn’t care Pa? What if he was glad I was gone and now he’s annoyed he has to deal with me again?” Kon lamented, sinking deeper into Pa’s side, “I just–” he hesitated, “What if everything he is to me isn't the same as what I am to him? What then?”
Pa sighed, closing his eyes, he didn’t speak for a long moment, when he did, his voice was softer, lacking the gruffness Kon had grown used to.
“That boy cares so much about you, Conner. I know he does.”
Kon knew that logically, but he wasn’t being super logical right now.
“How…How do you know Pa?” he asked, he’s practically grasping at straws now.
“I saw it with my own eyes, kid.” Pa turned his head, looking down at the boy beside him. “I saw how much he cares.”
“Tell me.”
༻𓅩༺
Conner had been gone, for lack of better words, for around a month now. Jonathan couldn’t keep track of the time anymore, hardly mattered when his wife, Martha, was a complete wreck. Their son, Clark, dying broke something in them, Conner? His death shattered them. Jonathan wasn’t sure how to feel. He naively thought that Clark would protect him, that if anything happened at least he would be there. But Conner was dead and all Martha did was cry.
Jonathan struggled to rise out of bed each morning now, something he never struggled with before. But something broke, and for once in his life, Jonathan wasn’t sure how to fix it. How can he fix something like this?
But they struggled on, days blended into weeks, Conner's funeral came and went. And somehow they had to keep going.
One day, Jonathan received a message. He recognized the number, Tim, Conner’s best friend. The message was simple.
“Hello Mr. Kent. I hope this isn’t too much of a bother for you and Mrs. Kent. May I come over? I would like to see Kon’s room one last time.”
Naturally, he responded, they confirmed the date Tim would arrive, and Jonathan went to inform his wife. The apparent need to be good hosts knocked Martha out of her overcoming grief, she rushed to prepare the house for Tim’s arrival.
When he did finally arrive, they didn't exchange much more than a few words. The boy asked to see Conner’s room. At first Martha was mortified because the room wasn’t clean, but when Tim opened the door and remarked, “It's so like him to just leave his stuff around.” she softened, reaching for him, Jonathan took her hand as they watched Tim slowly take in the room.
Everything he touched was done with great care, careful not to move anything out of place. He ran his hands over Conner’s leather jacket, tears pooled in his eyes, and Jonathan’s old heart ached for him. The boy needed some sort of closure, so with a quick glance over to Martha, he slowly asked,
“Would you like to stay the night?”
Tim ended up staying a few nights, sleeping in Conner’s room. Jonathan had no super hearing but he knew the poor boy was crying his eyes out into the comforter every night. But the presence of a teenage boy in the house seemed to heal something in his wife, she cooked for him every meal and they ate together at the kitchen counter. Taking care of someone was always one of her strong suits, and Jonathan was glad that she was able to muster the energy again to do so.
After a few nights, Tim had told them he had probably overstayed his welcome and needed to head back home. Martha sent him off with dozens of baked goods and a watery smile. Tim’s smile in return was small but just as genuine, even if it just barely reached his eyes.
Tim left, and Jonathan knew that if the comforter in Conner’s room still smelled like him, he would have stayed longer.
༻𓅩༺
“He came over?” said Kon, after Pa relayed his tale.
“The boy cares about you Conner, no doubt about that.”
Kon can’t believe it, all of these intrusive thoughts were proven wrong so simply. God, he was an idiot. Even if his mind couldn't comprehend why a person as good as Tim would ever care for him, his heart knows how Tim loves. Tim loves with his whole soul, trusting you with pieces of his heart, offering it up in hopes you don’t break it. Kon can’t help but do the same.
He smiles, shaky and wet and thanks Pa.
“No problem, kid. I’ll leave you to your thoughts.” And with that, the older man rose to his feet and left, leaving Kon alone in the garden.
Well.
That helped Kon take back control of his anxieties. Of course, Tim cares about him. He knew that. He just wasn't being super logical at the moment. Kon took a breath. Then another.
He sat on the bench for a while, watching the clouds slowly roll by, and he breathed.
༻𓅩༺
Later that day, after Kon finished his chores and is relaxing in his room, he gets a call from Cassie. The ringtone he set for her blaring out into the practically silent farm. And Kon can’t help but smile. It feels good to hear from his friends again. He missed them.
“Hey Kon! Did you have any luck with Tim?” asked Cassie.
Kon let out a tiny sigh, a quick, wisp of a thing so Cassie wouldn’t hear it over the phone. Small mercies.
“I spoke to him at his office a bit ago… but he hasn’t reached out again,” and because he had to know, even if logically he knew Cassie wouldn’t have better luck, “have you heard from him?”
A pause.
A small sigh.
“No,” she responded, thicker with underlying emotions, “not yet.”
He wasn’t surprised, but hearing from Tim would be nice.
“Well, he can’t hide forever, now can he.”
She laughed, “Not for lack of trying.”
This was nice, talking to one of his closest friends, sharing jokes. It made him feel alive again in a way that he hadn’t felt in a long time. He wondered if Cassie could understand.
“Hey, I know you might not be up for hero stuff right now…” she trailed off, clearly trying to collect her thoughts, “But there's been some small things popping up here in San Fran… would Ma let you do a small mission maybe…?”
Oh God.
He would love to.. But what if it's too much? What if they can't work together? What if it's different? Too different?
As Kon got lost in his thoughts, Cassie kept talking, her voice gentle as it flowed from the speakers, “I know it wouldn’t be the same but it would be you, me, Bart and maybe Tim..”
Maybe this is what will get him out of his shell? It wouldn’t fix everything, but it's a start, right?
“I’d love to Cass,” Kon smiled, even if Cassie couldn’t see, “I’ll see if Tim is up for it, I know he misses you guys.”
“Let me know, no pressure.”
Kon hung up, feeling better than before, he had a sense of direction in all of this, finally.
Hopefully, nothing goes wrong.