DemonDean_67
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Summary
“And what exactly are we making?”
If looks could kill, Lucifer’s corpse would be repurposed into garnish for Alastor’s Old Fashioned by day’s end.
“You cannot be serious. Is your geriatric mind so addled by ducks and dicks that it’s forgotten why we’re here?”
“What type?” Lucifer clarified. “Whiskey, tequila, that green stuff that makes you hallucinate?”
“Bathtub gin!” Alastor sang, summoning his band of shadow puppets to play a jazzy melody for their singular audience member. “Moonshine, white lightning, hooch. And my personal favorite–” he continued, sliding onto the couch beside Lucifer and slinging an arm around his shoulder “–coffin varnish, due to the ~poisonous~ risks associated with shoddy homemade liquor.”
“Are we making it in the bathtub?” Lucifer asked, highly interested in the idea of sharing a bath with Alastor.
After sweet Charlie’s efforts to boost redemption rates results in a ban on alcohol at the Hazbin Hotel, resident dipsomaniacs Alastor and Lucifer find their own way to have fun.
Series
- Part 5 of Drink Menu
Bookmarked by DemonDean_67
03 Nov 2025
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“You want me to touch you?” Alastor asked.
“I’d like to try.”
It was the most agreeable he’d been all night. The furthest they’d gotten from that spiritless ragdoll-Devil he’d been greeted with the moment he stepped on this roof. A little fanning of the flames between them on Alastor’s part would make things right as rain; Lucifer wasn’t a wet blanket, he was an accelerant. If Alastor wanted to hook them back into their normal routine this was the way forward.
Alastor and Lucifer have a long-overdue conversation about the pleasurable benefits of compromise.
Series
- Part 4 of Drink Menu
Bookmarked by DemonDean_67
02 Nov 2025
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Summary
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Lucifer hissed.
“I own this shop! Or rather, I own the soul of the proprietor.” Alastor laughed to himself like any of this was remotely normal and surely Lucifer was living in a simulation, or a reality show was secretly being filmed about him.
“You do not.”
“I assure you, I do.”
Lucifer felt sweat gathering at the nape of his overheated neck, an astounding feat for an angel who ran as hot as the stars themselves. Maybe he would simply explode and take Alastor and the entire coffee shop out with him.
Lucifer tries to avoid Alastor and his increasingly complex feelings about their physical relationship. He fails miserably.
Series
- Part 3 of Drink Menu
Bookmarked by DemonDean_67
02 Nov 2025
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Summary
Perhaps the King didn’t care for champagne, or thought that drinking should only be done far away from his daughter if it had even the slightest chance of leading to sexual favors from her facility manager.
Then again, Lucifer’s disinterest in his champagne might have had something to do with the distraction under the table, courtesy of Alastor.
As it turned out, giving one’s shadow free rein to misbehave as it pleased was an excellent way to pass the time. Shadows had a knack for hiding in plain sight, and Alastor’s shadow in particular came up with such clever ideas in the dimmest corners of the hotel.
Like the space between Lucifer’s legs, right where the lip of the conference table cast oh-so-convenient shadows.
Alastor finds a way to keep staff meetings entertaining.
Series
- Part 2 of Drink Menu
Bookmarked by DemonDean_67
02 Nov 2025
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Summary
A disturbing crack accompanied Alastor's neck snapping into a very unhealthy tilt. Claw-tipped fingers drummed out a staccato rhythm on the glass bottle.
"Drink with me," Alastor insisted, brandishing the bottle in Lucifer's face, and wasn't that an odd request. When had Alastor shared anything with him beyond a residential address and a blithe disdain for television?
"Why would I do that?"
"Because I'm bored, and you are astonishingly the most entertaining thing in this hotel at the moment."
Nothing spiced up a night in the Hazbin Hotel's staff-only parlor quite like the Devil, the Radio Demon, and a very expensive bottle of bourbon from Cannibal Town.
Series
- Part 1 of Drink Menu
Bookmarked by DemonDean_67
02 Nov 2025