Not_sure_what_to_call_myself
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Recent works
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How to dance by Not_sure_what_to_call_myself
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Black Widow (Movie 2021)
09 Nov 2025
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Summary
To Yelena, ballet is a coping mechanism. It is the only way she is able to express her feelings, to let it all go in a controlled and safe way.
After the Blip, she clings on to it, desperately trying to deal with all the grief and anger she feels after realizing she had not only lost her five years of her life, but her sister too. When she decides to rent a space in a ballet studio to properly dance, she discovers there is another person that needs ballet as much as she does.
Series
- Part 3 of How to...
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How to trust by Not_sure_what_to_call_myself
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Black Widow (Movie 2021), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
15 May 2024
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Summary
What happened to Yelena before Natasha found her in Budapest? And what happened to her after Natasha left her with the memorycard with all the Widows on it?
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For the first time in almost a decade, Yelena can think, feel and do things consciously. But that doesn't necessarily mean she is in control. She struggles with traces that the Red Room left as well as her emotions, which seem to have more control over her than she has over them. While she tries to find a way to help the other Widows and clean up the mess the Red Room left behind, she also has to figure out who she is and how to deal with the family that abandoned her, but for whom she still cares deeply.
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Yelena's journey from Black Widow up to the Blip.
Series
- Part 2 of How to...
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How to love by Not_sure_what_to_call_myself
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Black Widow (Movie 2021)
14 Jan 2024
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Summary
Relationships, no matter what kind, don’t survive in the Red Room.
They both survived long enough to see how dangerous it is to care for someone.
And yet...
(Yelena and Maeve's story from "How to trust", but can be read/understood separately)
Series
- Part 1 of How to...
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Learning to understand by Not_sure_what_to_call_myself
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
23 Nov 2022
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Summary
When Wanda joins the team, Natasha is hesitant towards her. After what happened at Salvage Yard, Natasha knows how dangerous and powerful Wanda can be. But when Natasha sees that, underneath all that power, Wanda is just as lost and lonely as she had been when she joined, she decides to offer a helping hand. It becomes the start of a complex friendship. Natasha learns that they have more similarities than she initially thought and they start to grow closer. But helping Wanda navigate through this new world means that she needs to open up too. And that has never been her strongest suit.
Wanda & Natasha's story UoA to IW, told from Natasha's perspective.
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Two dutch braids and a good talk by Not_sure_what_to_call_myself
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
19 Jan 2022
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Summary
It has become a routine ever since Wanda out of the Raft. In the early mornings, when nobody else is awake yet, Natasha braids Wanda's hair. It is their moment of peace. But after a couple of weeks their silent braiding sessions slowly become more talkative when Wanda, as well as Natasha, start to open up to each other.
Recent series
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How to... by Not_sure_what_to_call_myself
Fandom: Black Widow (Movie 2021), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
09 Nov 2025
- Words:
- 122,536
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 4
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
“Elizabeth said I was homophobic.”
Lauren blinks. “Elizabeth? Like… Wilder, Elizabeth?”
“Yes. I whiffed it, I totally whiffed it. She hasn’t talked to me outside of work in like two weeks and she barely even looks at me when Willow comes for treatments and-“
“Okay, just..” Bloom awkwardly reaches out to give the other woman a few, hesitant pats on the shoulder. “Take a deep breath and tell me what happened.”
Or, the Wildies version of that one reddit post where a straight guy thinks he’s being homophobic to his best friend/roommate but as it turns out, he’s in love with him and he’s fine with him kissing guys… As long as it’s him he’s kissing.
Bookmarked by Not_sure_what_to_call_myself
17 May 2024
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Summary
Split timeline story between Maybe Tomorrow and Unfinished Business.
Lauren struggles with her own past experience after finding out Elizabeth was found unconscious with a head injury following the drugging at karaoke night. She responds the best way she knows how... even though it's not perfect.
AND two women with a strong bond grapple with the decision to overturn Roe v. Wade.
Bookmarked by Not_sure_what_to_call_myself
31 Mar 2024
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Summary
Everything in Mia Castries’ life is going wrong. After a situationship blows up in her face, she moves jobs, desperate to put her mistakes behind her. But, the medical director who hired her has terrible vibes and being the sole practitioner of holistic medicine in a place full of skeptics who hate you by extension isn’t exactly making it easy for her to stay positive. Her hope dwindling, she asks the universe to give her a sign.
Reminded what medicine was really about, Elizabeth Wilder moves states work at New Amsterdam Hospital. When her brother moves out and the new medical director doubles down on turning their hospital into money making machine, things take a turn for the worse. Living her entire life between a deaf and hearing world, she fears her connection to both may disappear as the worsening condition of her hands threatens to uproot her career as a surgical oncologist and life as she knows it.
But, Elizabeth seems to keep helping Mia, and she’s starting to think the surgical oncologist might just be the sign Mia has been looking for. As the gaps between their two worlds bridge, Elizabeth thinks Mia might be the connection she needed too.
Or, what if New Amsterdam followed Elizabeth and Mia?
Bookmarked by Not_sure_what_to_call_myself
31 Mar 2024
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Unfinished Business by TerrorDome
Fandoms: Hawkeye (TV 2021), Black Widow (Movie 2021), Marvel Cinematic Universe
23 Sep 2024
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Summary
Taking place immediately after the Hawkeye/Yelena fight in 1:6, Yelena and Kate cross paths again as the chemical subjugation agent used on the widows resurfaces.
Bookmarked by Not_sure_what_to_call_myself
26 Oct 2023
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bloody like a body that has died and it's myself (tangled in my own intestines) by Charlie_Balle
Fandoms: Black Widow (Movie 2021), Marvel Cinematic Universe
29 Apr 2023
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Summary
Contrary to popular Russian stereotypes, Yelena Belova does not like alcohol.
It may seem like she does. She lifts shot glasses to her lips as easily as she breathes and swallows them down like it's water. But she was raised on the clinking of bottles, flutes of champagne, and the bitter burn of vodka.
When she gets free, when she’s allowed to quit, she can’t. Try as she might, she’s addicted to the very thing that brings so much pain.
Series
- Part 30 of Yelena Belova Feels
Bookmarked by Not_sure_what_to_call_myself
28 Apr 2023