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body bare on your chest and my heart in the palm of your hands by sayitwithyourhands
Fandoms: 9-1-1 (TV)
10 May 2025
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"Buck."
Eddie breathes his name like a prayer—soft and reverent, like it’s the only word he’s ever trusted.
His fingers drag along Buck’s skin like he’s trying to commit every inch of him to memory, like if he touches enough, he won’t come apart completely.
an 8x17 coda
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
20 Nov 2025
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Since the lawsuit, Buck has been getting bullied by some of the firefighters at the 118. One day, while he's working out, the bullies take things too far, and Buck gets hurt.
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
07 Nov 2025
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It was an accident. He slipped. That doesn't mean he isn't going to take advantage of the opportunity that presents itself.
----
Post Lawsuit, Buck accidentally cuts his arm. He decides that maybe not getting help is best for everyone.---
TW for suicidal idealization and injury that turns into a suicide attempt.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 36,091
- Chapters:
- 14/14
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 555
- Kudos:
- 10,716
- Bookmarks:
- 2,345
- Hits:
- 280,357
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
05 Nov 2025
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Five Alarm Fest Day 2 - Calling or Sexting
Without thinking, Buck grabs the phone and answers. “Chim, hey.”
“Hey Buckaroo,” comes Chimney’s voice through the phone. “I almost thought you forgot me for a second there.”
“Never.”
Below him, Eddie gives Buck what the fuck eyebrows. Buck holds a finger to his lips.
“You okay?” Chimney asks. Buck’s probably a bit ridiculous for appreciating Chimney’s concern as much as he does. “You sound a bit winded.”
Buck shakes his head even though Chimney can’t see it—thank god. “Oh, you know. Just working out.”
Working out, Eddie mouths angrily. Buck punishes him by clenching. Eddie abruptly bites down on his own bottom lip and stops mouthing words at him. Success.
Series
- Part 2 of EB Tries to Five Alarm Fest 2022
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,864
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 37
- Kudos:
- 2,218
- Bookmarks:
- 277
- Hits:
- 23,317
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
04 Nov 2025
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Buck can’t get out of bed.
He wants to. Or he thinks he would If he could muster the energy to want anything through the exhaustion that drags like sandbags on his limbs, heavy and aching, impossible to shed.
For as long as he can remember he’s been chased by shadows, lurking in doorways, following him around, watching and waiting, always waiting, until slowly poisoning the very air around him, creeping into his head through his eyes and ears and mouth, muffling everything around him and covering everything in a thin graze haze.
It had been bad before- the summer after Maddie left comes to mind, and the month before he left Peru after his friend Laila passed away- but never like this. At least after Maddie left he’d managed to shower and make his way downstairs for meals.
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
31 Oct 2025
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Later—after he has drifted in and out of consciousness over and over, like rising out of a churning sea, first to the park ranger, who cannot stop crying, then in the back of the ambulance, and finally at the hospital, where the nurses speak to him in gentle voices that make him want to rip his own hair out at the roots and he finally stays awake, the pain too intense to allow him to drift back to the bottom of that warm dark water—Buck’s first clear thought will be, But it was all going so well.
***
Buck is attacked on his day off. In the aftermath of everything that's happened - from Maddie's leaving to Eddie's breakdown - he decides the best way to deal with it is to hide it.
It goes about as well as one would expect.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 37,821
- Chapters:
- 10/?
- Comments:
- 257
- Kudos:
- 1,150
- Bookmarks:
- 327
- Hits:
- 23,897
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
28 Oct 2025
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he seems fine most of the time (forcing smiles and neverminds) by Lamiiue
Fandoms: 9-1-1 (TV)
21 Jun 2025
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Summary
“You are telling me that you didn't know I was homeless?”
“I mean we knew you left home but none of your stories ever indicated that you were homeless.”
Buck let out a soft, humorless laugh. “I was a nineteen year old runaway who didn't have anything but an old jeep and a change of clothes. I went days without eating, barely had gas to keep the engine running, let alone heat. I slept in that car. And when even that didn’t work... I did what I had to.”
He looked down at his hands, like he was remembering the feel of it all – cold nights, empty stomach, silence. “I rented my jeep so I could get money to buy something to eat. I had sex with various people, so I could sleep in a bed for once in a while. I spent days starving to some point that I couldn't feel hungry. I was so weak people would drag me around and force their power over me. So yeah,” He added quietly, his voice raw. “Eventually you learn how to cope. You stop calling it what it was and start calling it a choice. Because if you don’t, it breaks you.”
or
What started as Chimney's question about body counts, led Buck to reveal something about his past that nobody knew.
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
21 Oct 2025
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Buck thought not being part of the 118 was the worst thing that could happen.
Until he sued the department and Bobby for wrongful termination—and lost everything that mattered.
One decision, born from desperation and pain, left him severed from the only family he’d ever chosen. He told himself it was the only way to protect himself. He didn’t think it would mean isolation so total it echoed.
This is the story of the fallout, the silence that followed, the rot, the unraveling and the night he almost didn't come back. And the painstakingly long road back towards something like healing.
A story in seven parts: Fallout. Isolation. Decline. The Edge. Intervention. Aftermath. Recovery.Or: Buck falls apart after the lawsuit, and it nearly kills him. But some fractures don’t stay broken forever.
⚠️ Content Warnings:
Major depression, alcohol abuse, suicidal ideation and suicide attempt, emotional isolation, graphic emotional distress, passive self-harm, trauma, estrangement, recovery. Please proceed and read with care.Bookmarked by ditheringmind
20 Oct 2025
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Post Lawsuit
Buck gets unexpected news
Buck decides it will be over in just three monthsSeries
- Part 6 of All Based In The Lawsuit Era
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
18 Oct 2025
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While she waits for their coffee she feels a small tug on her pant leg as she’s checking her phone.
A small boy, maybe three or four, she’s not sure is looking up at her. His bottom lip is quivering, his wide blue eyes brimming with tears. Her maternal instincts want to reach out, cup his cheek, or pull him into a hug, just some way to offer him some comfort. To take away the fear in his eyes, but she pauses, at the mark over the boy’s eye. She’s not sure what it is, it could be a burn, it doesn’t look the right shape to be a fresh bruise.
Crouching down so she can be at his eye level with him she pitches her voice low, “Hey sweetie, my name is Athena. Could you tell me yours?”
“Evan,” his voice is so quiet she can barely hear him over the white noise of the mall.
“Ok Evan that’s really good, what about your last name, could you tell me that?”
“Buckley.”
“Well done sweetie, do you know where your parents are?”
“I lost my Bobby.” he reaches forward to fist his hand into the front of her shirt, pressing his body against hers. “Can you help me find him?”
Or
Evan wanders away from Bobby at the mall and gets lost, Athena helps him find his way back to Bobby.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,592
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 50
- Kudos:
- 3,372
- Bookmarks:
- 581
- Hits:
- 27,413
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
18 Oct 2025
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I Know, I Know the Silent Sound (just before the walls come down) by beforeastorm for theblasphemouscontessa
Fandoms: 9-1-1 (TV)
27 Jan 2025
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"She had 9-1-1 talk her through a field tracheotomy.”
Immediately, Buck’s free hand flies towards his throat. He’s only just grazed a patch of gauze before Hen catches his hand and pulls it away.
“Abby… Is a great dispatcher, but she doesn’t have any field experience. Getting instructions over the phone and using a steak knife isn’t really a recipe for a good outcome.” Buck finally looks back over at Hen, and even in the dim light, he can see the tears forming at the corners of her eyes. “The good news is that she was able to open an airway and keep the oxygen flowing to your brain…”
Hen trails off, and Buck gives her hand a little squeeze.
“…The bad news is knife slipped, or she applied too much pressure, and the incision went much further than it should have.”
---
Abby's hand slips when giving Buck a field tracheotomy, and he ends up losing his voice. Despite him thinking so, it's not the end of the world, especially when he meets his replacement.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,067
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 36
- Kudos:
- 1,035
- Bookmarks:
- 197
- Hits:
- 6,043
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
16 Oct 2025
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A last-minute shift change means the surprise party has to be moved to another day.
OR: Buck is choking on blood and has a pulmonary embolism alone in his apartment. He calls 911, only to reach Maddie on the other end of the line.
His sister doesn’t know it’s him, and he can’t even speak to her.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,777
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 46
- Kudos:
- 1,689
- Bookmarks:
- 298
- Hits:
- 15,120
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
16 Oct 2025
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Car Crash (At Least You Were Thrown Clear) by Strawberrywaltz for Marchling
Fandoms: 9-1-1 (TV)
18 Jan 2025
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Summary
Buck focuses on her, his eyes wide with what Bobby thinks is panic. “What happened between us - it shouldn’t have happened. I was, I came to you for help and you -”
“You didn’t say no.” The woman snaps and strolls up to Buck who nearly backs into a display of carefully stacked cereal boxes. Not-a-doctor Wells doesn’t give him any room to breathe. “You said you felt better afterwards. Great even. You told me you were a self-diagnosed sex-addict. You went and ruined my career because you are a slut.”
“I was crying and you crawled into my lap!” Buck shouts back.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,227
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 50
- Kudos:
- 1,052
- Bookmarks:
- 198
- Hits:
- 7,923
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
16 Oct 2025
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Summary
“You okay?” Hen asks, careful. She takes a few steps toward him, gaze searching.
“Yeah, I –” he gets cut off, again, by yet another cough. His next inhale sounds a bit like a wheeze. “Fucking hell.” He gasps.
“What’s that on your neck?” She frowns, brows furrowed. She turns his head to the side as he hunches down a little for her. For a second, he panics, because he’s pretty sure he and Eddie agreed not to leave any hickeys above the collar for now, but then - “you’re breaking out into hives, Buck.”
---
Usually, when Buck gives someone a blowjob, it doesn't come with so many consequences.
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
04 Oct 2025
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Summary
Buck hated hospitals. It made him think of his first date with Abby, of the truck bombing, of the embolism, of the tsunami. Just, a lot of bad memories, is all.
Which is why he had wanted to tell everyone so quickly. Just so he didn’t have to go to this appointment on his own. Last week he had gone alone, thinking it would be just another check up and then his doctor had looked at him with pity in his eyes and told him they’d found abnormalities in his blood work and they needed him to stop taking his blood thinners and come back in a week.
His doctor had been simultaneously vague and clear when he told him what they would be looking for. Listing all the possible reasons that his blood cell counts were off. But on that list was cancer and Buck knew that with his fucking luck, it would be that. The look on his doctor’s face made him think that he thought so too.
or
Buck had meant to tell everyone, he had, really. But they were angry with him and he didn't want them to forgive him just because he might be dying. He needed to fix things first.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 37,976
- Chapters:
- 9/?
- Comments:
- 615
- Kudos:
- 3,473
- Bookmarks:
- 1,044
- Hits:
- 78,520
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
03 Oct 2025
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Everything is Screaming (I'll Bleed Out For You) by MyArtificialFlowers
Fandoms: 9-1-1 (TV)
02 Jun 2024
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It’s a fucking miracle that Buck finds Chris after he falls off the truck and he nearly sobs with relief when the water finally recedes enough that he can plant his feet on solid ground. Buck holds Christopher tight with one arm, his free hand still clutched around the pole he’d held onto as the water had rushed around them, unable to let go just yet.
~~~~~
“Hey, Chris,” Buck says and rests a hand on his cheek, smiling as brightly as he can. “You have to keep going without me.”
“What?” he exclaims. “No!”
“Chris, listen to me-”
“No! I’m not leaving you!” As if to drive the point home he tips forward and holds onto Buck as tightly as he can.
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
03 Oct 2025
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“Can we… can we back up a sec?” Eddie says, heart hammering because he can’t have heard that right.
“Uh, yeah.” Buck says with a bemused expression.
“You had sex with your therapist?”
Buck frowns. Shifts in his seat a little.
“Yeah.”
“Buck, that’s—” Eddie stops. Breathes. “Buck, that’s not right.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,012
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 42
- Kudos:
- 2,612
- Bookmarks:
- 547
- Hits:
- 19,853
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
03 Oct 2025
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Summary
Buck braces for a punch. “Eddie, I’m sorry, I’m not supposed to be talking-”
“Then don’t.” He snaps, and pins Buck against the closed door.
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
02 Oct 2025
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Eddie slips his hand under the collar of Buck’s hoodie below his neck, and rests it on the other man’s shoulder blade, feeling his bare skin.
It doesn’t come off as warm to the touch— okay, that’s a relief.
“You don’t have a fever.” Eddie tsks, hand still on Buck’s skin. “Is something wrong? Did something happen?”
Buck was fine yesterday, he looked fine at least, but why does he look like he doesn’t even have the strength to lift a finger now? It feels wrong.
After what feels like a century, Buck manages to speak in the weakest, lowest tone without opening his eyes. “ ‘m tired. L’t me sleep, pl’se.”
*
It's one of those days where after the lightning strike, Buck just feels tired.
Bad Things Happen Bingo: Shaking and Shivering
Series
- Part 20 of Bad Things Happen Bingo - 3
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
30 Sep 2025
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Summary
"Buck, why are you up?"
"I was— I was trying to reach the bathroom." Buck's eyes screw shut and his jaw clenches as a groan rips his throat. "Nauseous."
"Okay, let's go to the bathroom, okay?" Eddie tightens his hold on the younger man and pulls him close. "Lean on me."
Buck slumps further against him so Eddie can carry his weight just like he promised; he lets go of the stairwell and clings to the hem of Eddie's shirt instead.
"Come on, halfway there." Eddie encourages when Buck utters out a whimper and his lips twist down.
They take another step and the bathroom is just there within their reach but before they can make it, Buck doubles over—
"Whoa, whoa, hey—"
—and he starts to throw up on the floor.
*
Buck is sick. Chris and Eddie take care of him
Bad Things Happen Bingo: Voice Breaking
Series
- Part 9 of Bad Things Happen Bingo - 3
Bookmarked by ditheringmind
25 Sep 2025