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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “I’m going to ruin you,” Izzy snarls. “I’m going to make it so he never wants you again.”

    Bonnet pulls back far enough for Izzy to see his smirk. “At least he wanted me in the first place."

    Izzy growls and tears open Bonnet’s shirt.

    (Or, the one where Stede and Izzy have a lot of hatesex but are, in order: bad at the sex part, good at the sex part, and embarrassingly terrible at the hate part.)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,794
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    125
    Kudos:
    1,730
    Bookmarks:
    338
    Hits:
    12,306

    31 Aug 2023

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    I forgive you.

    Aziraphale watched as Crowley walked out the door. He'd seen the demon walk out of the bookshop a million times, always knowing that he'd walk right back in the same door tomorrow.

    This time, the door closed with a stifling sense of irrevocability.

    This time, Crowley wasn't just walking out of his bookshop.

    This time, Crowley was walking out of his life.

    I forgive you.

    Foolish. Stupid. Cruel.

    Those hadn't been the words sitting at the tip of his tongue. Far from it.

    But it didn't matter. Those had been the words he spoke, and he couldn't take them back now.

    ~oOo~
    Or, the one where Aziraphale realises he needs to ask Crowley's forgiveness this time. Meanwhile, Crowley is just trying to make the Bentley stop playing Taylor Swift.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    59,847
    Chapters:
    20/20
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    1,000
    Kudos:
    3,212
    Bookmarks:
    618
    Hits:
    70,640

    12 Aug 2023

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    He wants to vomit. He wants to scream. He wants to burn all of New Providence to the ground. He wants to destroy everything he can touch. He wants to jump into the sea with an anchor tied to his feet.

    Instead, he speaks in a quiet, broken voice.

    “Cut him down.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,944
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    48
    Kudos:
    525
    Bookmarks:
    111
    Hits:
    3,351

    15 Jan 2023

  4. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Pygmalion inspired Steddyhands in which Ed and Izzy, top conservation artists at London's National Portrait Gallery, restore an antique portrait of an unknown man for an upcoming show. Strange, then, when Ed starts seeing the guy for real. He is real...right?

    -

    Or; the one where Ed and Izzy get super horny about a painting, and then find out the guy is real and get super horny about him as well.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,284
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    178
    Kudos:
    577
    Bookmarks:
    104
    Hits:
    5,790

    13 Jan 2023

  5. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    What happens when a cheerful, blond, deeply unethical gynecologist gets a patient who turns out to be just as fucked up as he is?
    -or-
    Newly out trans man Izzy has a routine pelvic exam. It is... not so routine.

    MIND THE TAGS: this dove is dead, this is not roleplay, this is legitimate medical-power-imbalance sexual assault. But Izzy's hella into it (and hella conflicted about that). So it's not non-con so much as a wildly inappropriate power imbalance that should never happen. It's just garbage filth, but I wrote it, so you can read it.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    108,317
    Chapters:
    24/24
    Comments:
    895
    Kudos:
    613
    Bookmarks:
    121
    Hits:
    24,927

    01 Jan 2023

  6. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Izzy is captured and tortured by a mysterious sea Captain who seems more interested in Edward than he is in the body he's beating half to death in his hold.

    It makes sense, of course. Edward's always been the more interesting one. If it's Izzy that gets hurt in the crossfire, it's no great loss.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,039
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    150
    Kudos:
    566
    Bookmarks:
    107
    Hits:
    6,287

    29 Dec 2022

  7. Public Bookmark 29

    Tags
    Summary

    The land and the sky and sea are eternal, and so too is Izzy Hands.

    Izzy is left behind. But that's okay.

    He can wait.

    (Written as a collaboration with Bananatole, as a challenge to write a Junji Ito inspired OFMD fic. Please heed the tags.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,150
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    123
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    734

    12 Dec 2022

  8. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    "I think there's been a-" Stede starts, as diplomatically as he can. Misunderstanding, is what he's about to say, because he'd been fully prepared to chew Izzy out for causing the current situation in his home right now but he's starting to realise that Izzy hadn't even intended to do anything to Ed at all.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,664
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    130
    Kudos:
    737
    Bookmarks:
    119
    Hits:
    5,496

    06 Dec 2022

  9. Public Bookmark 43

    Tags
    Summary

    DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT

    Izzy is a young runaway. He finds work, refuge, and love in the first bar he staggers into after being kicked out by his parents. The owner is an elusive and magnetic man, and Izzy feels lucky and excited to be in his orbit.

    Edward is a vampire and thinks Izzy’s a good time. For a human.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,862
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    88
    Kudos:
    225
    Bookmarks:
    43
    Hits:
    4,165

    28 Nov 2022

  10. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    If his heart wasn't in it, he thinks he'd be perfectly fine with what he's doing, but the fact of the matter is that Edward Teach is horribly, devastatingly, insanely, head over fucking heels in love with Stede Bonnet, and watching him get himself off on the gifts he has no idea Ed is sending him is only adding fuel to the fire. He doesn't know how much more he can take before he breaks.

    This one might just do it.

     

    (or, Ed accidentally on purpose becomes Stede's anonymous sugar daddy and proceeds to fuck around and find out)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,216
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    224
    Kudos:
    1,086
    Bookmarks:
    206
    Hits:
    9,172

    24 Nov 2022

  11. Public Bookmark 20

    Tags
    Summary

    Freshly divorced, Stede Bonnet decides it’s time to start anew. Leaving his cushy life as an entomology lecturer in New Zealand behind, he takes on the role of Insect Keeper at Harthall Zoo. His new co-workers are passionate and caring (albeit overworked and underpaid), and Stede finds himself slipping into a comfortable state where things just seem to make sense. But there’s always a calm before the storm, and soon Stede is entangled in a web of whispers where no one seems to know the truth.


    Initially posted as a Twitter, which will be a few sections ahead of the AO3 updates. Tags will be added with updates.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,440
    Chapters:
    11/?
    Comments:
    38
    Kudos:
    99
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    1,800

    23 Nov 2022

  12. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Her text from Ben tells her where to go and when to be there. It’s a nice hotel this time, and the text also tells her: Woman in her mid-forties. Liked your picture, but seemed skittish. Don’t scare her off.

    -0-

    Izzy expects that her last year before retirement will be unremarkable. She'll stay focused, won't draw Ben's attention, and soon have enough money saved that she can book a flight to Ed and never look back.

    Things get interesting when she meets Stede.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    63,242
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Comments:
    218
    Kudos:
    494
    Bookmarks:
    125
    Hits:
    7,994

    13 Nov 2022

  13. Public Bookmark 53

    Summary

    The kinky life and love of sex-cam Dom Sir Blackbeard and his pet-patron-turned-boyfriend Izzy.🕱✦

    Words:
    60,142
    Works:
    3
    Bookmarks:
    53

    07 Nov 2022

  14. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    “Motherfucker,” Ed breathes. “It actually works.”

    “The shopkeeper said it did!” Stede exclaims. “I don’t know why everyone always thinks I’m crazy.”

    Izzy swallows some truth potion. It's funny until it's not.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,374
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    90
    Kudos:
    1,542
    Bookmarks:
    198
    Hits:
    11,587

    17 Oct 2022

  15. Public Bookmark 7

    Tags
    Summary

    After finally coming out to himself as bisexual, Ian LeFebvre is ready to take the next step and go to a gay club. The only wheelchair accessible club in London is Cox, owned by the stunning Val. Ian is quickly smitten by Val and intrigued by the dancer Tommy. Fifteen years after becoming paralyzed, he is treated like a sexual being again. Val and Tommy help him achieve the erotic experience of his life.

    Ian hadn’t been to a club since before he was shot and he’d certainly never been to a gay club. Cox looked more or less like any other club on the inside, with an extremely high proportion of beefcake and twinks. He needed a drink to steady his nerves before anything else, so he rolled over to the bar.

    “Evening, gorgeous. What’ll it be tonight?”

    Ian’s jaw dropped. When he managed to put his brain back together, he stammered a request for whisky. He’d never seen anyone quite so breathtaking. They gave him his whisky with a sultry smile.

    “The name’s Val. I know what you’re thinking. Usually go by he/him but any pronouns will do. What about you, handsome?”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,709
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    23
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    612

    15 Oct 2022

  16. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    "All right, then, Edward." Izzy turns to face him, crosses his arms. "When we get back to the ship, you're going to tell everyone that I'm going ashore at the next port. You have to let me go, or I can't go at all. Can you do that?"

    "Izzy." His voice sounds strange to his own ears; alien. "Iz, you can't – don't say that."

    A sigh. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

    "You'd come back. Right? You would. You did before. With Stede. You'd have to come back."

    "Edward–"

    "Iz, you know I- I need…" but he trails off when he realises Izzy isn't looking at him.

    His eyes are unfocused, concentrating on something else. Izzy frowns, looks unsettled; lifts a hand to touch his face. It comes away wet, and that's when Edward sees the slow ooze of blood leaking from his nose.

    "Shit," Izzy remarks. And then his eyes roll back in his head, and he collapses.

     

    ***

    A curse replaces Izzy with a version of himself who's thirty years younger, far less crotchety, and with no memories of Edward at all. Izzy's been sort of a bastard lately, so Ed's grateful for the reprieve. Until he really, really isn't.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    33,489
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    666
    Kudos:
    785
    Bookmarks:
    190
    Hits:
    11,712

    15 Oct 2022

  17. Public Bookmark 76

    Tags
    Summary

    It had started out as a side gig. Short on the rent one month--thank you, COVID, for the ass-fucking--Izzy Hands had decided to give OnlyFans a shot. Things do not go as planned.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    139,400
    Chapters:
    68/68
    Comments:
    461
    Kudos:
    558
    Bookmarks:
    76
    Hits:
    18,017

    12 Oct 2022

  18. Public Bookmark 73

    Tags
    Summary

    AU modern setting

    Stede Bonnet is the owner of The Lighthouse, a new restaurant just across the street from Blackbeard's, the pub where both Edward Teach and Izzy Hands have been working for the last twenty years. Will a new face be enough to finally break the precarious stability between Ed and Izzy?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    52,788
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Comments:
    215
    Kudos:
    372
    Bookmarks:
    73
    Hits:
    7,403

    13 Sep 2022

  19. This has been deleted, sorry!

    11 Sep 2022

  20. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    “You could talk about it,” suggested Roach. “What’s said in the galley, stays in the galley.”

    “I don’t wanna fucking know. So I’ll forget as soon as you’re done saying it,” said Jim. They paused. “Just in case, uh, it maybe did help. To talk about it.”

    “Used my fucking safe word with the captains last night, now they think I’m mad at them, except I’m not, except I just want things to fucking go back to normal now and no one’s acting normal,” said Izzy, and then took a sip of tea. Jim froze. “There, I fucking said it. Are you happy? I’m going to throw up now, I can’t fucking believe I said that. To you.”

    Izzy Hands has never known where he fits in. He's willing to put up with the rough treatment, because it's what Edward and Stede want and expect from him, but when he finally can't stand it any more, how will the three of them come to an agreement?

    Established SteddyHands.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,325
    Chapters:
    5/6
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    137
    Kudos:
    597
    Bookmarks:
    103
    Hits:
    6,805

    29 Aug 2022

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