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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Lily
    Send me your schedule
    I will go to things

    Jane
    But act like me

    Lily
    Yes yes
    I will be so boring, you cannot imagine

    Jane
    Fuck off
    What the fuck is going on here
    How did this happen?

    Lily
    I don’t know!
    I do not want your boring life, Hollander

    ---

    Ilya and Shane wake up in each other's bodies a week before the All-Star Game.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,305
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    117
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    1,144
  2. Tags
    Summary

    “’m looking forward to tonight,” Shane says slowly, lazily, like the sun is putting him to sleep. He’s rhythmically stroking his thumb up and down Ilya’s temple.

    “Mhmmm,” Ilya agrees. He presses a kiss to Shane’s wet skin, tastes sunscreen and chlorine and his beautiful Shane. “I will fuck you for hours.”

    Shane laughs, and Ilya kisses his skin again wherever he can reach.

    Of course, by that evening, Ilya can’t do anything but throw up.

    ---

    Ilya gets sick on his and Shane’s honeymoon. Shane doesn’t mind taking care of him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,961
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    39
    Kudos:
    359
    Bookmarks:
    38
    Hits:
    2,889
  3. Tags
    Summary

    After the game has ended, Ilya gives the Toronto player from earlier a smug grin. “I can tell you why,” he says.

    The guy scowls. “Why, what?”

    “Why Hollander came to Ottawa.”

    ---

    Or, five times Ilya explains Shane to others, and one time he doesn’t.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,306
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    57
    Kudos:
    640
    Bookmarks:
    77
    Hits:
    4,415
  4. Tags
    Summary

    “Your order?” Ilya asks.

    “Oh, um.” The stranger has gone very pink underneath his freckles. Ilya watches him study the menu. He chews on his bottom lip. It’s distracting. “Could I have a green tea, please? To take away?”

    Ilya blinks at him. “Okay.”

    “My name is Shane. If you need it. For the order.”

    “Is not Starbucks. You are only customer right now. I know is your order.”

    “Right, of course.” The blush intensifies. Ilya gives himself a second to stare, then makes the tea.

    What a waste, when he just got a batch of fresh beans this morning, and is incredible at making coffee.

    ---

    Ilya doesn’t usually care what his customers at the coffee shop order. But when the same guy with those fucking freckles starts showing up ordering nothing but tea, when Ilya is making world-class coffee right there, he can’t help but be a little intrigued.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,572
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    62
    Kudos:
    713
    Bookmarks:
    103
    Hits:
    4,225
  5. Tags
    Summary

    “Not very attractive, broken noses,” Luca says, wincing. It’s not like Cliff doesn’t have eyes, but Luca doesn’t need to call his attention to how swollen his nose is.

    Cliff takes a long gulp of cider, eyes on Luca’s face, before saying, “Attractive enough, on some people.”

    Oh, so. Okay. Luca can do this. Okay.

    ---

    Luca gets a broken nose, and seizes an opportunity.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,899
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    57
    Kudos:
    479
    Bookmarks:
    75
    Hits:
    2,668
  6. Tags
    Summary

    “Do you – is there anything we can do?” Bood asks. “To help?”

    Ilya shakes his head.

    “Okay,” Bood says. “No problem. Do you want me or one of the others to stay here with you? Or would you rather be alone?”

    “Alone,” Ilya says. His voice comes out rough. He clears his throat, but it doesn’t really help. “But maybe -” His face burns hot with humiliation at asking, but the thought of the house empty makes him shiver with cold even under the covers. “Maybe you stay downstairs?”

    ---

    Ilya is having a bad day. Shane is out of town. That doesn’t mean Ilya is alone.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,703
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    82
    Kudos:
    1,028
    Bookmarks:
    125
    Hits:
    4,644
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Hollander tugs at his bottom lip with his teeth. “I should have noticed. You weren’t showing it, really, during the game.”

    “Is fine,” Ilya says. “Is not so bad.”

    “Oh, no?” Hollander says. “So you’re deciding you can make it worse by playing through it and trying to fuck me through it?”

    Ilya doesn’t say what he’s thinking, which is I think I would deal with any amount of pain if I can just keep fucking you.

    ---

    Ilya is injured but tries not to show it. Shane notices anyway.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,160
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    75
    Kudos:
    566
    Bookmarks:
    58
    Hits:
    3,930
  8. Tags
    Summary

    “Ilya,” Shane says. Enough is enough. “You know fucking well that we aren’t meant to have sex for another two days.”

    “I know,” Ilya says. “So I have a lot of free time. I wanted to be productive.” He draws the last word out. Shane clenches his hands.

    “Wanted to tidy,” Ilya continues, waving the cloth. “Make things very organised.”

    “You wanted to tidy,” Shane repeats. “Shirtless. In those shorts.”

    ---

    Shane refuses to have sex any earlier than Ilya is cleared to after hurting his ribs. Ilya resorts to desperate measures.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,277
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    45
    Kudos:
    555
    Bookmarks:
    69
    Hits:
    3,691
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Rozanov looks away, breathing hard. “Does not matter,” he says. “Forget it. I should go.”

    And no. Shane doesn’t want Rozanov to go. He wants to fix whatever is wrong. He grabs Rozanov’s face and turns his head so their eyes meet.

    “Fuck, baby,” Shane breathes. “You know how good you are.”

    For a moment, he’s taken aback by Rozanov’s expression, until he realises what he just said.

    ---

    Or, five times Shane calls Ilya baby unprompted, and one time Ilya asks him to.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,039
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    172
    Kudos:
    3,770
    Bookmarks:
    642
    Hits:
    22,972
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Ilya chuckles. “You don’t know why the team might be scared of you? You cannot think of any reason?”

    “Scared? Of me?” Shane says.

    “Yes. They adore you. But they are terrified.”

    “But – but why? What did I do?”

    Ilya pretends to think. “Hmm. What did you do? Maybe it was the first Stanley Cup. Or the second. Or the third. Or your MVP wins. Or every single fucking game you have ever played in your life. You are Shane fucking Hollander. Did you forget?”

    ---

    Or, five times Shane scares the Centaurs, and one time he (accidentally) terrifies them.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,413
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    337
    Kudos:
    5,363
    Bookmarks:
    948
    Hits:
    27,385
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Hollander doesn’t chirp. He doesn’t argue. He doesn’t gloat about his second Stanley Cup. Instead he says, very calmly, “You can’t go to Russia this summer. You have to come to my cottage with me.” He sounds detached, almost.

    Ilya wants to protest, but cuts himself off by retching. He doubles over, but nothing comes up. Now that he thinks about it, he can’t remember the last time he ate.

    “When did this happen?” Hollander asks.

    “I don’t know, okay?” Ilya says. “I started feeling – bad – earlier during awards -”

    “No,” Hollander says. “When did you get bitten?”

    ---

    Ilya is turned into a vampire. Shane takes him to the cottage to deal with the transformation, and maybe also with their feelings.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,477
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    62
    Kudos:
    1,003
    Bookmarks:
    168
    Hits:
    5,188
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Ilya just stares for a good thirty seconds. Shane’s eyes meet his while he sucks the toy, and he looks nervous but determined, like always when he’s decided that getting over himself and showing off for Ilya will be worth the payoff.

    “What -” Ilya’s voice comes out raspy. “What are you doing?”

    ---

    Or, Ilya teases Shane about a threesome one too many times and then gets jealous of an inanimate object.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,097
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    53
    Kudos:
    1,249
    Bookmarks:
    161
    Hits:
    8,903
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Hayden is a good friend, and he’s going to be a great best man. So why is writing a best man speech so hard?

    Or, Hayden Pike’s quest for the perfect best man speech, told in six drafts.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,261
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    118
    Kudos:
    966
    Bookmarks:
    87
    Hits:
    5,149
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Svetlana
    Jackie please note I am not trying to seduce your husband

    Jackie
    oh honey I’d happily watch that!!

    Svetlana
    I would break him

    Rose
    yes you would

    ---

    Or, Jackie’s POV during Hayden and Svetlana’s best man adventures, ft. more chaotic group chats, new friendships, and ill-advised partying.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,663
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    111
    Kudos:
    1,393
    Bookmarks:
    85
    Hits:
    6,984
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Unknown Number
    Pike
    prepare yourself
    you have a lot to make up for after fucking Brad so take this seriously

    I’m sorry who is this??

    Unknown Number
    Ilya’s best man

    oh my god
    is this fucking cliff marlow?

    Unknown Number
    No
    much prettier and wiser
    My name is Svetlana

    ---

    Shane and Ilya are very chill about their wedding planning. Thankfully, their best men are more than ready to step up.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,957
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    144
    Kudos:
    2,116
    Bookmarks:
    229
    Hits:
    12,822
  16. Tags
    Summary

    “Are you ready to order?”

    Hollander smiles at her. It’s not a big smile, but it does something to his face, makes all of him seem soft and warm somehow. “Chicken parmesan, please,” he says.

    “Same for me,” Rozanov says. “I have heard this place makes the best one ever.”

    ---

    An outside look at Shane and Ilya getting chicken parmesan during The Long Game.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,817
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    46
    Kudos:
    612
    Bookmarks:
    62
    Hits:
    3,089
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Ilya can’t keep himself from laughing. “I have become very bad at sex, I think, if you are thinking of words to describe forests while we are doing this.”

    “You started it, asshole,” Shane says, petulant even as he pushes his hips back into Ilya’s touch.

    “No. You started it, when you told me last summer you want to be fucked against a tree.”

    ---

    Ilya and Shane come back to the cottage. Ilya has some of last year’s to-dos to take care of.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,509
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    397
    Bookmarks:
    59
    Hits:
    3,810
  18. Tags
    Summary

    “Are you okay, babe?” Jackie asks.

    Is Hayden okay? Good question.

    It’s not like he’s a prude. He and Jackie have four kids, for heaven’s sake.

    It’s just that he will never be able to un-hear the words he overheard Rozanov saying to Shane in the kitchen.

    “Uh-huh, yeah. Super okay,” Hayden says.

    “Right. I definitely believe you when you speak in that voice.”

    “Are you, like.” Oh god. “Like. Satisfied?”

    ---

    Or, five times Shane and Ilya inspire others to question how they approach their own relationships, and one time they don’t.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,416
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    160
    Kudos:
    3,841
    Bookmarks:
    515
    Hits:
    19,549
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Hollander makes a strange little noise, half a laugh. “I jus’ got back to my room. I fucked someone.” Another blurry laugh, before Ilya’s fully processed the words. “No, no. Someone fucked me.”

    ---

    Shane drunkenly calls Ilya after sleeping with someone else in Mexico. Ilya yearns and makes a tuna melt.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,558
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    89
    Kudos:
    1,068
    Bookmarks:
    142
    Hits:
    6,447
  20. Tags
    Summary

    They’re kissing on the sofa, slow and filthy, like their first time at the cottage, when Ilya says, “Like that, sweetheart,” and Shane can’t keep himself from pulling away to ask.

    “Should I say that?”

    Ilya blinks at him. “Say what?”

    “I mean, should I call you pet names?”

    ---

    Five times Shane can't bring himself to call someone a pet name, and one time he does.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,294
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    79
    Kudos:
    1,332
    Bookmarks:
    140
    Hits:
    7,953

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