20 Works by noodlefrog
Listing Works
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Too Sweet for Hell by noodlefrog for RosePetals9001
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
02 Jan 2026
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Astarion is the one who gets to curl up with Wyll at night, and kiss him, and soak up all that princely romance that Wyll can’t help himself but spill on anyone who gets too close. In turn, Wyll gets to kiss Astarion on that cute little pointy face and help him feel like a person again. He also gets the pleasure of being the only one Fangs trusts enough to be sweet with.
If Karlach could trade places with either one of them, even for a night, she would. But they have each other, and that’s what counts. They’re her friends, and they’re happy together, so she’s happy for them. And they do love her. Just the fact that they’re here in hell with her is proof of that. She knows that much even when she’s moping about how they don’t love her like she loves them.
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Sit, Stay, Roll Over by noodlefrog for RosePetals9001
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
31 Dec 2025
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“I don’t… see how that will fix it,” Wyll admits.
“Because I know you.” Shadowheart says it like it is simple. Like this is a given. “When you find something to blame yourself over, you don’t stop worrying about it until someone either scolds you or forgives you.”
Sometimes, Wyll manages to forget that Shadowheart trained for decades in the art of prying secrets from people and discovering painful weaknesses to exploit.
Wyll seems to have accidentally trained Astarion to be sweet in exchange for snacks and praise… which, he’s sure, must be some kind of unforgivable breach of trust. Thankfully, some of his best friends know a thing or two about brainwashing. Who better than an ex-Sharran and an ex-Bhaalist to help him deprogram his fiance?
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For all Mizora’s attempts to keep Wyll isolated and dependent on her, there is one thing she can never take from him: the Blade of Frontiers. In his head, Wyll rewrites his own story and tells himself tales of his ideal self. No pact binds the Blade, no stone eye sits in his socket, and he doesn’t have to thank a devil for the beard on his face or the depth of his voice. As he begins to unravel the mystery of Astarion’s easy charm and clumsy lies, Wyll even lets himself pretend that he could someday have a life beyond the hunt.
Mizora’s plans for Wyll go deeper than his pact, though. When she warps Wyll’s body into a shape of her own design, she also gives him a few gifts. Changes he has wanted for years are now permanently sculpted into his flesh with a fiendish twist, and Wyll can only ask himself… What would the Blade do?
Or: Wyll copes with his devil boner by writing fanfiction of his own alter ego, and Astarion tries out some high-stakes strategies for monster hunter seduction.
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Through all the pain and the anger and the shame, there is some tiny part of Astarion’s brain that is weirdly thrilled to see Cazador fail. Oh, Astarion would cast the amulet off in an instant if he could. It’s pointless. Stupid. Completely unhelpful. Tacky. Dangerous to his health and safety, certainly. All the same, Cazador ordered Astarion to take it off, and Astarion refused. Sure, it wasn’t exactly an intentional refusal, and he got himself brutally tortured for it, but this has been the first time in two hundred years that he has managed to disobey a direct order.
Any glee Astarion might have been feeling about that evaporates when Cazador orders him to crawl back into the tomb.
Astarion finds himself in possession of a cursed amulet that he cannot take off, even by his master’s command. It’s only after he’s sealed away in the tomb for his disobedience that he realizes the damned thing can talk.
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What few vampires Wyll has seen have all been wild spawn, and they had looked every bit like the monsters in his books. If Astarion had instead been kept in thrall, it is only natural that he does not know how to hunt for himself. Given how hungry he looks, Wyll has to assume that the poor man only ever subsisted on his master’s scraps.
It isn’t worth it to think too hard about why that makes Wyll as angry as it does. Not right now, not when there is work to be done.
Wyll has studied enough about vampiric physiology to be concerned by Astarion's pretty face. Healthy, well-fed vampire spawn look like monsters and are strong enough to tear apart their prey with ease. Not that Wyll is thinking about being torn apart, of course. He’s just happy to help Astarion get enough to eat.
Series
- Part 2 of Hunger and Want
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“When you say that you physically cannot have sex, what exactly does that mean?” Astarion asks. “Because to me, it sounds like either you can’t get it up, or someone has cursed you. Potions could help with the first situation, and a cleric could help with the latter. And, I mean… we do know at least one cleric.”
“It isn’t something that Shadowheart could fix.” Wyll glances over and catches sight of how Astarion’s mouth is already opening. “Before you ask, no. I haven’t actually asked her. But you heard Mizora. The changes she made are permanent.”
Wyll’s fiendish transformation has changed him in more ways than are visible on first glance, and he is convinced that a sexual relationship is impossible for him. Luckily for him, Astarion is open to trying new things… even if those new things are squirmy and coated in slime.
Or: Wyll and Astarion fall in love, have a T4T tentacle adventure, and have to go to the fantasy Urgent Care. Not in that order.
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Astarion emerges on the other side of his impromptu breakdown with a new plan fixed in his mind. The seduction scheme he wants to pull with Wyll could still work, though it will take a bit of extra caution. Going hungry again is a depressing thought, but Astarion has survived worse for longer, and for far less of a reward. This, he knows, will be worth it.
Well-fed vampires develop fearsome and monstrous features, but ones that are starving can almost pass for mortals. As Astarion adjusts to life as a free man, he must balance his hunger with his plans to seduce the group’s monster hunter… especially since drinking humanoid blood changes him into something no one would ever want to bed.
Joke’s on him, Wyll’s into that.
Series
- Part 1 of Hunger and Want
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Wyll doesn’t bother opening his eyes. “You are welcome to take what you need from my corpse.”
“And what precisely does that mean?” Astarion asks, vaguely alarmed.
While scouting in the Underdark together, Wyll and Astarion take a tumble into a deep, dark crevasse. Injured and running out of ideas for how to escape, Wyll starts planning for worst-case scenarios. It's maybe a little romantic... for Wyll, anyway.
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“I thought I might try lying to you.”
Wyll blinks. “Pardon?”
“‘Pretending’ is probably a nicer name for it. Playing a game.” Astarion’s fingers press into Wyll’s cleft. When he speaks next, his voice is lower. Softer. More enticing. “I haven’t ever gotten to finger your cunt.”
The laugh that comes out of Wyll’s mouth is entirely involuntary. In his defense, Astarion’s index finger is very cold against a very sensitive part of his body. “That is, um. That is not my…”
“I know that, Wyll. We have already established that I’m lying to you. We’re doing a bit.”
Wyll is happy with his body until Mizora gives him a “gift” that he never wanted. Astarion’s favorite sex act also happens to be one that causes him a lot of pain. How can our intrepid heroes save their sex life? That’s right—
through the ❀ Magic of Theatre! ❀
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“Speaking hypothetically, let’s say I agreed to your offer,” Astarion says carefully. “What happens if Wyll turns me down?”
“Oh, he probably will, at least at first.” Mizora takes on a mocking tone of voice. “He has sworn a vow of chastity, so you’ll need to be patient. Persistent. Really woo him.”
There it is, then. Astarion knew there was going to be a catch.
Astarion knows that it will take a deft hand to keep this whole thing from blowing up in his face, but the devil’s deal is too good to refuse. As long as no other complicating factors crop up, though, he thinks he might be able to make this work in his favor.
(This is, among other things, a fic where Astarion gets turned into a hamster. Buckle up.)
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As a monster hunter at the peak of his career, Wyll has developed a rather broad arsenal of spells aimed at getting under his foes’ guard. He likes to use their own might against them, and he never does anything simply if there is a way he can do it with flair instead.
His beard and his braids are starting to go gray now, but he so often acts exactly like that twenty-four-year-old fool Astarion first saw leaping from the top of the gates of the Emerald Grove with his sword drawn. Later, Wyll had confessed that he wanted to make sure the goblins he was murdering could hear his battlefield quips. In spite of himself, Astarion had found that rather endearing.
It’s hardly surprising that Wyll has turned himself into a bard. Still, Astarion keeps finding himself surprised to see just how scary of a bard Wyll can be when he puts his mind to it.
Wyll learns to cast the spell Dominate Monster, which allows him to control any creature he wants like they are a puppet on a string. Astarion is reasonably sure that he is more turned-on by this than he is terrified.
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It isn’t weird if they both do it—that has been their sort of unspoken rule these past few years together.
After Astarion and Wyll each came clean about their own less than romantic reasons for sleeping together, Wyll suggests that maybe they would be better off as friends. That’s completely, totally fine with Astarion. Sure, he’s in love with the man, but it’s fine.
Their friendship starts to take a turn after Astarion learns how to transform into a bat, however. As a bat, he is soft, cute, helpless, and… he doesn’t hate that. As a bonus, Wyll also seems helpless to resist petting Astarion’s fluffy new fur.
Maybe this can be their new dynamic, then. By night, they will travel the Sword Coast as a pair of dashing adventurers. By day, Astarion will shrink himself down to sleep on Wyll’s chest and tell himself that this is enough.This is the “strangers to lovers to friends to friends-with-benefits-but-only-when-one-of-them-is-a-bat to lovers” Wyllstarion pet-play-adjacent semi-accidental BDSM fic you never knew you needed.
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The Hardest Part is Who We Are by noodlefrog for Succorance
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
03 May 2025
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Wyll Ravengard is a lot of things. He is a devoted husband, a loving son, a hero of Baldur’s Gate, and the Blade of Frontiers. Right now, he is also having to play peacekeeper between his father and Astarion—a task made all the more complicated by Astarion’s recent involuntary transformation into a far more bat-like body. Although Wyll may be the only one of the three of them who loves Astarion’s new wings and claws, and although every attempt at a cure so far has led them to a dead end… where there is a Wyll, there is a way.
Series
- Part 2 of Big Bat Verse
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Stunning views. Luxurious accommodations. No neighbors to complain about the noise.
Two years into their life as monster hunters, Wyll and Astarion take a much-needed vacation in the recently-vacated mountaintop lair of the lich they just (re-)killed. They also steal all of his stuff and do an elaborate sexual roleplay in his (un-)living room to work out some of their Issues.
It’s kind of sort of like therapy, except with the other kind of CBT.
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Safe Words and Other Fake Things That Aren’t Real by noodlefrog
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
29 Sep 2024
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Apparently, the Blade of Frontiers wants romance, not casual sex. Astarion devises a simple plan: steal the erotic novels Wyll keeps hidden in his tent, study up on what makes the man tick, and seduce himself a monster hunter. What could go wrong?
Or: Astarion accidentally discovers the wonderful world of monsterfucker erotica.
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As a vampire spawn, Astarion needs to consume blood. As the host to the Urge, Tav needs to keep himself from slaughtering anyone else in his sleep. Being drained of blood leaves him feeling weak, dizzy, and sluggish in both mind and body.
It’s a perfect fit, really. Sustenance in exchange for safety. Each of them has what the other one needs, and they’re both willing to trade. Tav can’t help but marvel at the symmetry of it. Their arrangement is straightforward in a way that precious little else is, especially compared to the chaos they must weather elsewhere in their daily lives. But this? Some days, this is the only thing that feels like it makes sense.
With danger closing in on every side, Tav struggles to find a way to keep the Urge under control, and Astarion tries to figure out how to live as a free man. Along the way, their simple friendship gets a lot more complicated.
Part of an Astarion/Dark Urge series, but can be read as a standalone story.
Series
- Part 3 of My Dagger-Happy Friend
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“You know what I wagered,” Wyll says. “Are you planning to collect now, or later?”
Astarion laughs at that, and to Wyll’s satisfaction, it isn’t one of those shallow, pretty laughs that he knows that the man has practiced to perfection. This one is inelegant. Genuine. If he could, Wyll would slip that laugh into a pocket and carry it with him like he used to do with pieces of beach glass as a child.
“Oh, I am going to collect immediately,” Astarion tells him.
Some months after saving the world, Wyll and Astarion play cards together. They're making up the rules as they go.
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“There’s something wretched in your heart, Astarion. Something angry and hateful and cruel. You’ve been forced to swallow it down for so long, but I would see it sharpened. I would put it in your hand as a blade and watch you carve open the belly of the world.”
Gods, the man says it like it’s something beautiful.
A “they met pre-canon” AU where Astarion brings the Dark Urge home as a victim for his master, and Cazador finds out what happens when he picks on someone his own size.
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If there’s one thing that Astarion knows how to do, it’s submit to a little discomfort in the present so he can get what he wants in the future. Only now, what he’s getting will actually be what he wants, rather than just a way to spare himself something worse.
The only question now is… what does he actually want? After so many years of never being able to choose that for himself, he’s not really sure where to start.
He looks to the sky, deep blue fading to gray as dawn approaches, and thinks it might just be… this. If he can be the one to make the choice, that matters more to him than whatever decision he might make.
Astarion’s hunger is getting too strong for him to ignore, but he isn’t the only one at camp with an unspeakable craving.
A Dark Urge/Astarion fic. Part of a series, but can be read as a standalone story.
Series
- Part 2 of My Dagger-Happy Friend
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Is That a Knife to My Throat, or Are You Just Happy to See Me? by noodlefrog
Fandoms: Baldur's Gate (Video Games)
24 Dec 2023
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Tav’s ideal day would probably be one where he could drink a hot mug of herbal tea, go for a long walk in the woods, and kick off his sandals so he can feel the moss between his toes.
Unfortunately, that is not the kind of day Tav is having, and it just keeps getting worse. He doesn't even have the luxury of saying that this is the worst day of his life, because apparently all of his memories earlier than about five minutes ago are just… gone. All he knows is that he is in danger and he needs to run. Worse, he’s going to have to do that while ignoring the violent whispers of whatever dark passenger he’s carrying around with him that seems to want to take control of his body and mind.
What Tav needs is an escape plan, followed swiftly by a bite to eat and a safe spot to take a nap. He also really needs to find a traveling companion who will be okay with his occasional bouts of bloodlust. Maybe then, Tav can start to unravel the mystery of who he is supposed to be.
This is the start of a Dark Urge/Astarion story, ft. my beloved little weirdo, “Tav.”
Series
- Part 1 of My Dagger-Happy Friend