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“Come on, Nursey, let’s hook you up!” Holster’s voice is half-lost in the pounding bass that’s been shaking the Haus for the last two hours. “Yeah, bro, after that filthy fuckin’ shot you netted tonight, you deserve it!” Ransom has got one arm slung over Holster’s shoulder and the other over Nursey’s, and both his captains are grinning at him in a way he knows usually leads to trouble.
“We know for a fact that girl in your poetry seminar–”
“—Melissa,” Ransom supplies.
“Right, Melissa, is just waiting for you to say go.”
Nursey tries to stifle his grimace. “Melissa’s nice, but I’m not interested,” he says, sipping from his cup of tub juice. His eyes flit to Dex instead as he joins the darkened mass of people dancing and grinding together a few feet away.
“Come on, bro, you haven’t hooked up in weeks,” Ransom protests, and Nursey shoves at his head playfully. “I’m chill, if I find someone I like I’ll go for it, but I’m good where I am.”
“All right, man,” Holster says, slapping his shoulder before stepping back. “C’mon Rans, let’s go make sure Bitty hasn’t lost his shoes or some shit.”
Nursey appreciates their efforts, he does, but they’re wrong – he hasn’t hooked up in over a year.
And it’s not like Nursey doesn’t find people hot, okay, he does. He can totally acknowledge that people are hot. But that doesn’t mean he wants to hang a sock on is dorm room door. He wants to do the opposite, actually, when it comes to almost everyone. Except for Steph, at Andover. That was the first time Nursey ever really saw someone and wanted, and even then it hadn’t hit him until they were basically best friends and he was giving her a shoulder rub after practice one day.
He was admiring the set of her shoulders in her dress shirt, and her freshly washed hair smelled gently fruity and sweet, and she was working on math homework. He knew her well enough to be able to picture the tiny furrow in her brow, and the way she was probably biting at her lip. Steph was smart, and quick, and he loved that about her, and when he dug his thumb into the wing of her shoulder blade, she’d let out a low moan and Nursey froze.
“You okay?” She’d asked, tilting her head a little to try to see him, and he’d unfrozen himself enough to poke her gently back into place as he answered, “totally chill,” and continued pressing his fingers into her soft, warm skin.
After a few months of freaking out and trying to elbow his way through his feelings until they made sense, he and Steph started dating, and Nursey finally got what the big deal was with sex. It was a good enough experience that he felt comfortable giving hookups the old college try after he and Steph broke up, but it didn’t change the fact that Nursey just wasn’t that interested. The hookups were fine, sex was kind of nice, but it was never like with Steph again.
So he stopped bothering. He kissed girls, and he kissed boys, and he liked the feeling of being close to someone, but he never took it further. Some days, some kegsters, when he’s feeling less sure of his sex drive – or lack of it, really – Nursey will lean up against a wall and just look, watching out for someone who might spark him the way Steph did. It never happens, and after a while Nursey goes back to not worrying about it so much. Things always looked better during the daytime anyways.
“Looking for someone?” Dex asks as he pulls himself from the dance floor and pulls Nursey out of his own head, looking loose-limbed. He’s smiling at Nursey the same way he does when their chemistry is off the charts during a good game, warm and relaxed. “Nah, just looking,” Nursey says, nudging Dex with his shoulder.
Every hour or so Dex will usually come check on him, even if he’s not on Nursey Patrol, ever since that one time Dex found him pressed against the wall in the reading room panting for air like he’d just run a marathon, head spinning from the overwhelming press of people. The look on Dex’s face had flickered from concern to understanding, and he’d pressed one of Nursey’s hands to his chest and counted to ten and back, slowly, until Nursey had regained equilibrium. They didn’t talk about it after, Dex had never forced the issue, but from then on he stuck around in Nursey’s view, an open hand Nursey could reach for if he needed an out. The thought makes something warm flare up in Nursey’s chest.
“If you need anything, you know where to find me,” Dex says, turning and disappearing back into the crowd. Sure, Nursey knows exactly where Dex will be. Dancing with some girl, probably, flushed pink, hair mussed and sticking slightly to his temples, eyes dark. But more importantly, willing to walk away at a moment’s notice if Nursey needed him.
So Nursey settles into enjoying himself, teaming up with Lardo for pong, dancing with Bits to partition, and always keeping Dex in view. After a little too much tub juice, Nursey’s head is spinning vaguely, and he’s snickering into his cup when Dex finds him again.
“You look like you’re having fun,” Dex says, clearly amused. “I saw you giving Bitty a run for his money dancing on that table.”
“I’m a good dancer,” Nursey declares, stepping closer, “and no one can tell me otherwise.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, man,” Dex laughs, and he looks flushed under the Christmas lights that are hung up along the hallway. It’s pretty, Nursey decides, and he says so. Dex goes even more red, and Drunk Derek knows it’s a cliché, but he really does wonder just how far down Dex blushes. And then he blinks in surprise.
“I’m ready to crash,” Dex says after a moment of weighted quiet between them. “Wanna walk back with me?”
“Mm, yeah,” Nursey pats his pockets to make sure he still has his keys and phone. His lanyard is still sticking out of his pocket, so he gives Dex a thumbs up and follows him out the door.
The night air is cool, and Nursey zips up his hoodie as they walk quietly towards the dorms. It’s peaceful, and comfortable, and Nursey hasn’t felt this safe and at ease with someone since –
Since –
Oh fuck.
“You okay, man?” Dex’s voice cuts through his momentary panic. “Your face is doing something weird.”
“Uh. Yeah.” Nursey’s mouth has stopped working, because this was not what he meant when he thought about wanting someone again. He didn’t mean his d-man, his best friend, but oh, oh, that –
“Hey,” Dex says, putting a hand on Nursey’s arm and pulling him to a stop. Nursey watches him a little blankly as Dex rubs his hand up and down the sleeve of his hoodie. “Seriously, you okay? You need to stop for a sec?”
Nursey is having a hard time swallowing past this feeling in his chest, because it isn’t a surprise, not really, but somehow – somehow he didn’t even realize, not like this, and Dex’s eyes are flickering between his own, looking for signs of panic, not pitying or judging but just caring, just wanting to be there, and oh fuck.
“I’m good, Dex, I just. Had a moment.” It sounds a little weak, even to himself, but Dex just gives him a small smile, encouraging.
“Yeah?” he asks.
“Yeah. I’m good.” Without thinking, he puts his hand over Dex’s, and watches in faint surprise as Dex blushes again, highlighting his freckles in the light of the nearest lamppost. “I just… realized something.” He says, watching carefully, and Dex looks back, his gaze searching and intense.
“What did you realize?”
“I’m still working on it,” he admits, tightening his fingers around Dex’s. Dex lips quirk into a little smile.
“Take your time,” he says, “there’s no rush.”
And maybe he only just noticed this tonight, but Nursey is fairly certain that this has been a long time coming. And he’s fairly certain that Dex will be waiting, like he always is, in the corner of his eye – whenever Nursey decides to reach for him.