Chapter Text
Feanaro would never accept him. Nolofinwe smiled bitterly as he finally accepted that fact. Closing his eyes he bowed his head at last giving up any hope that he’d somehow win his half-brother over. Opening them again he sent a smile at his father, who was giving him a concerned look, and his children, who were alternating between glaring at Feanaro and giving him worried looks.
Slipping from the Great Hall he returned to his room lighting the candles after he entered the room then he picked up both a knife and a pen. He’d thought many times about just ending everything, but the hope that maybe things could work out somehow had stopped him from acting. With a sigh he pulled out a fresh piece of paper and started writing, after all it wasn’t fair of him to end his own life without giving some explanation for his actions.
Once he finished writing he left the note on the desk then moved to his bed taking the knife with him. Laying down he held up the knife and watched the candle light dance over the edge of it. Signing again he brought it to one wrist and carefully slid it over the vein, with how sharp the knife was it cut through his skin and into the vein easily, then he changed hands and brought it to his other wrist cutting that vein too.
Closing his eyes again he winced remembering the thinly veiled look of anger and what seemed like hate directed at him. Yes, this was for the best. Father could have his favorite son and he also had Arafinwe who had never disappointed him. Feanaro would no longer have to worry about him trying to take everything from him. The only concerns he had were about his own children and how his nephews would fare without being able to turn to him, but they all would make do probably better without him than with him.
Shaking a little he brought his hand up to look at the crimson liquid trailing down his arm. Watching it trace lines over his skin was entrancing though he was swiftly feeling drained and cold as he laid there the sheets below him turning purple from the blood mixing with the blue hue they typically were. A knock on the door startled him drawing him from the almost trance he was in. Looking at it he wondered who it was and what they wanted.
“Yes?” His voice thankfully was still steady.
“Nolo?” It was Arafinwe. He blinked stupidly at the door wondering why his little brother was there.
“What is it Ara?”
“Do you mind if I take Aracano with me to Alqualonde when I leave tomorrow morning?”
Nolofinwe wanted to smile, yes that would work out well. Aracano would be safely away when he was discovered and thus would not see the mess he’d made of his arms and the bed.
“Of course, I won’t see you two off though.”
“Oh,” Arafinwe sounded sad but resigned. “Well I’ll let you rest now. Good night Nolo.”
“Sleep well Ara.” Nolofinwe said loud enough for his brother to hear then murmured to himself. “Good bye little brother, take care of my children okay?”
Finally he let his head fall back on the pillow and closed his eyes again. The chill spreading through his body tried to incite shivers though he repressed them until he simply didn’t have the strength to any longer. At some point his eyes opened again and he stared up at the ceiling briefly wishing he’d indulged in having something done to it, a mosaic or painting something more than the flat color, perhaps it was fitting that his last sight would be the color his elder brother seemed to favor the most.
For a moment he thought he heard another knock on his door but wrote it off as his imagination because there was no way the person he though he heard outside his room would knock on his door. His mind tried to drift, wanting to seek someone else as the world around him started darkening, but he carefully kept it from doing so figuring that if he allowed it to drift he would give away what he was doing and that someone would stop him.
As his mind finally started going quiet and his vision faded he heard a crash as his door was flung open. A small bittersweet smile curved his lips and he finally blacked out.