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“So, everyone, this is Emmie.”
The territory was still unfamiliar to her, so she kept her arm locked under Bismuth’s elbow; the mild ripples of speech and acknowledgement were enough to encourage her to lift her head just slightly. Even though she knew her face was flushed deep and her arms were shaking, Emmie eked out a little “Hello” and waved at the Crystal Gems… her new-found family.
“And if ANY of you try to poke fun at her for being blind,” Bismuth went on, shifting her free hand to a battle-axe, “You’ll have ME to answer to!”
“B-Bismuth, please,” Emmie whispered, turning her blushing face to the ground.
“Nah, love, it’s fine by us!” Crazy Lace said with her usual cackle. “We’re all of us disabled!”
Emmie’s face brightened, and she ventured a tiny smile. “Y-you are?”
“Aye, me love! See, me? I used to be crazy, but we’re okay now!”
“Hey,” Bismuth growled, her voice dropping into the danger zone.
“What?” She did a spin on the spot and then leered up at her friend’s face. “The last time you scared me like that, I ran away and fucked me lover! Everyone said ‘Nut bolts and screws’!”
Bismuth was so focused on her righteous rage that she couldn’t hear the quiet snort from the gem on her arm. “You’re really pushing it, Lacey,” she warned.
Crazy Lace pretended to consider that as she touched the chipped notch in her gem. “Dontcha know that seven out of every one gem is crazy? I have half a mind to tell you off! Do the math!”
“I’m with Lacey on this one,” Biggs added as she lifted her prosthetic arm. “I’d like to make a joke about being an amputee, but I’m stumped.”
The retort she had on her lips died when Bismuth heard a little giggle from beside her. Whipping her head around, she peered down at Emmie in shock when she heard the quiet “Maybe she’s just trying to be disarming!”
“Oh! Oh! I got one!” Snowflake was bounding on the spot, flapping her hands with delighted glee. “What do you call a cross between a kleptomaniac and an autistic?” She stuffed her fingers in her mouth. “Someone who takes everything literally!”
That’s when Ripper stepped in front of them all and, with a smirk, moved her hands about in the signals they’d all come to understand. Under the peals of laughter, Emmie turned to Bismuth and whispered “W-what just h-happened?”
“Ripper’s being an asshole,” Bismuth told her through gritted teeth. “She’s mute, and she just signed ‘You don’t say’.”
“I’m of two minds about this,” Garnet said with her usual arid humour.
“Only two minds?” Crazy Lace scoffed. “Come back when you’re a proper schizo.”
Ripper’s face was alight, her hands flinging about---and, when Bismuth grudgingly translated it to Emmie, it became “If I say a cuss, will you wash my hands with soap?”
Rose was chuckling, one plump hand on her pouting belly. “This is a heavy subject, but fat chance I can weigh in.”
“I have CDO!”
Everyone turned to Pearl, who had risen to the tips of her toes in eager anticipation.
“Most gems call it ‘OCD’,” she clarified, “But I---and I’m not sure why---I just feel the need to put all the letters in the correct alphabetical order!”
Bismuth groaned, but that was what opened the floodgates. All of her friends---her comrades, her acquaintances, her rebels---began laughing and joking and throwing out confessions hidden in puns.
“This isn’t funny!” she roared, which made everyone turn and flinch. With one huge hand on Emmie’s, Bismuth glared at her friends before adding “Y’all oughta be ashamed of yourselves, making jokes about disabilities in front of a blind gem! Shame on you!”
“T-that’s right,” Emmie murmured. But then she lifted her chin from Bismuth’s elbow and grinned. “Your puns may be funny, but I can see right through you! I oughta keep an eye on you all!”
When the room dissolved back into laughter, Bismuth realized for the first time that she was outnumbered.
“Sorry, love!” Crazy Lace jeered at her. “You NORMAL gems can’t quite keep up when the chips are down, eh?!”