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“Dan, are you sure you’re okay to do a liveshow right now?” Phil asked, worry clearly written all over his face.
Dan sighed. “Yes, I’m sure Phil. I’ll be fine.”
Phil frowned, not so sure. “Because you know they won’t care. Just tweet saying you’re sick or editing or something.”
“I said I’m fine!” Dan snapped. He hadn’t meant to yell at Phil but he was tired of him trying to control him. “I have to go, I don’t want to be late.” Dan sauntered off to his bedroom and logged into his YouNow account.
Phil watched Dan, wishing he could convince him it was a bad idea to do a liveshow when he was already teetering on the edge of going into his little headspace.
Dan would be fine, he had to be. He was beyond stressed lately with releasing their second book, going on tour, and posting a gaming video every day. Lately, Dan just hadn’t had time to relax and when he got this stressed, he would become little, acting childlike and needing Phil to look after him.
For a long time Dan had convinced himself something was wrong. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t deal with a large amount of stress. After enough stress built up he just couldn’t take it and he would throw a temper tantrum. The only thing that would calm him down would be watching cartoons and snuggling up in bed wearing comfy pajamas and cuddling with his bear. Eventually Dan figured out why it was happening but it wasn’t until he and Phil started dating that it ever got better. With Phil he could allow himself to be little whenever he wanted, even when he wasn’t stressed. Phil would always take care of him and make sure he was safe and happy, giving him whatever he wanted. Dan knew that it wasn’t exactly conventional, but it worked for him and for Phil.
He knew it was risky to go live in front of thousands of people right now but the last thing Dan needed was to skip a liveshow and disappoint all of his fans. He knew they cared about him, at least on some level, but Dan also knew they were expecting him to do a liveshow tonight and that if he didn’t he would hear about it for days.
Reluctantly Dan started the liveshow, taking a deep breath before it started. He could do this. It was just one hour. All he had to do was sit here and talk for one hour and then he could be little.
Phil was in his bedroom, watching Dan’s liveshow on his laptop to make sure everything went okay. He was nervous at first but after thirty minutes and Dan still seemed like his normal self, Phil started to relax.
“Dan, when are you uploading a new video?” Dan read from the chat. He shrugged a bit, trying to play it cool even though making a new video was the thing that had been stressing him out most lately. “Um well it’s not that simple. I can’t just make a random one, I have to find an idea that seems right.”
Dan could feel himself getting angry and more stressed but he ignored it and pushed down the urge to become little.
“What about the radio show? Will you ever go back?” He sighed. “There aren’t any plans with the BBC right now but who knows, maybe.”
Phil frowned. He could tell Dan was starting to get upset. He decided to text him.
To Dan: you ok? i can make up an emergency if you wanna end early <3
Dan felt his phone buzz in his pocket and grabbed it, rolling his eyes at Phil’s text.
To Phil: i’m fine.
Dan looked up from his phone and saw the chat was going crazy with comments asking who he was texting. “It was my mum,” he lied.
He saw people saying that he was lying and he frowned. “Newsflash, I can read the chat,” Dan said, his tone sounding cold and bitter.
“What did you and Phil get each other for Christmas?” Dan read aloud. He blushed a bit. Phil had gotten him a basket filled with things they could do when he was little, DVDs, stuffed animals, a new blanket, new pajamas, bath products from Lush, and a pacifier.
“I am not blushing,” Dan whined, slipping into his headspace. Dan crossed his arms childishly and pouted.
Phil’s eyes widened. He knew Dan was little now, while being live in front of his fans. He shut his laptop and quickly walked to Dan’s room, being careful not to seem to panicked once he was in shot. “Dan, I need your help with a video,” he said gently, keeping his voice calm so he didn’t upset Dan.
Dan looked up at Phil and grinned, but soon his grin turned into a frown. He didn’t want to help Phil. Phil was supposed to take care of him now. Why was Phil asking him to do something for big boys?
“But I don’t wanna,” he whined. “It’s not fair! You’re supposed to do things for me when I’m-”
“Sick!” Phil interrupted quickly. “I know you’re sick Dan but I need your help now,” he said, voice more stern than before. “End your liveshow early and help me.”
“No!” Dan shouted.
Phil sighed. “Dan, come on. Just end it!”
Dan started to tear up and his lip quivered when Phil shouted at him. “You’re mean,” he mumbled.
Phil noticed Dan was about to cry and leaned over him. “Sorry, Dan’s sick. He has to go,” Phil said, making up an excuse as he clicked the end button. He made sure it actually ended before he turned to look at Dan. Phil saw Dan was crying and sucking his thumb and he wondered when he’d started and if anyone had seen. He turned Dan around in his desk chair and kneeled down in front of him, gently wiping his tears away with his thumb. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, bear,” Phil whispered.
Dan looked down at Phil and sniffled, not saying anything.
“How about I make it up to you?” he offered.
Dan took his thumb out of his mouth. “How?”
He smiled, glad Dan was coming around. “Well I can order pizza, your favorite, and while we wait I can run you a nice hot bath then you can put on your brand new pajamas then we can curl up in bed and watch whatever movie you want while we eat.”
Dan nodded and smiled, forgetting why he was upset less than a minute ago. “Okay Philly, let’s go!” He jumped up and started stripping as he made his way to the bathroom. Dan picked out a bath bomb while he waited for Phil to come in and start the bath, knowing he wasn’t allowed to do it on his own.
Phil used the app on his phone to order their usual then went to find Dan, hoping he hadn’t started the bath. The last time Dan did that when he was little, there had been a minor flood in the bathroom. He was relieved to see Dan sitting on the counter holding a bright blue bath bomb, waiting patiently. “Thank you for waiting for me,” Phil said with a smile. He walked over and turned on the water, waiting for it to warm up before he put the plug in and let it fill up.
Dan giggled and smiled at Phil. “I’m too little to make a bath by myself,” he said.
He walked over to Dan and smiled. “That’s right. And that’s why I’m here, to do the things that you can’t do because you’re little.” Phil kissed Dan’s nose and laughed softly when Dan scrunched up his face. “You’re adorable, bear.”
“I love you Philly,” Dan giggled, wrapping his arms around Phil’s neck and hugging him. He squealed when Phil picked him up off the counter and carried him over to the bath. He laughed and held on tight.
Phil grinned and slowly lowered Dan into the tub. “Go ahead and put the bath bomb in,” he instructed, going to grab a cloth so he could wash Dan. Phil had bought extra soft cloths for Dan when he was little after he’d complained about their usual ones being too scratchy. Phil also grabbed a small basket of bath toys that Dan liked to play with in the tub. “Pick three,” Phil said, holding it out for Dan to see.
Dan looked into the basket and dug around in it before picking out a rubber duck, a boat, and a fish that swam on its own. He giggled and put the fish in the water, watching it swim around while Phil started to wash him.
“Okay bear, five more minutes and then it’s time to get out,” Phil said when he finished cleaning Dan. He got up off his knees and walked over to grab Dan’s special towel. It was blue and had rubber ducks all over it. Phil checked his phone to see how long the pizza would be and smiled when he saw it would arrive in ten minutes, just enough time to get Dan dried and dressed.
“Time’s up,” he said, reaching in and pulling the plug in the bath. “Stand up so I can dry you off.”
Dan nodded and stood up, being careful so he didn’t slip. He put his arms out to the side so Phil could dry him off and wrap his towel around him. “Jammies!” Dan said, grinning once he got out of the tub and ran to his bedroom to get dressed. He grabbed the new pajamas from his drawer. These were purple with narwhals.
Phil laughed and ran after Dan. “Don’t forget underwear,” he said, opening Dan’s underwear drawer. “Panties, boxers, or briefs?” Phil asked.
Dan thought for a moment. “Panties,” he decided. “My blue ones.”
Phil smiled and searched through the drawer to find them. He helped Dan get dressed and just as he got Dan’s shirt over his head, he heard the buzzer for the door go off.
“Pizza!” Dan shouted, grinning.
He chuckled. “Yes, you pick out a movie to watch and I’ll go get it. And don’t forget to grab your new blankie and bear.”
Dan nodded and went to Phil’s room where all of his favorite movies and shows were. Phil had decided to put them there instead of in the lounge so they wouldn’t be on display in liveshows or when they had people over.
Phil walked to his room carrying both pizzas, Ribena for himself, and apple juice for Dan. He smiled when he saw Dan curled up with his new blanket and a DVD. “You forgot bear,” Phil said. “Don’t worry, I’ll go get him for you.” He kissed Dan’s wet hair and went to get the forgotten stuffed animal. He’d expected Dan to forget something, he couldn’t remember more than one or two instructions at a time when he was little.
“Bear,” Dan said with a smile when he saw Phil walk in carrying the stuffed animal. He made grabby hands and frowned when Phil wouldn’t give it to him.
“Wait until after you eat. You love pizza but bear doesn’t,” Phil said. He’d made a rule that stuffed animals weren’t allowed when they ate after he’d had to have Dan’s bear dry cleaned once when Dan spilled milk all over it and the smell wouldn’t come out in the wash.
Dan pouted but didn’t argue. He picked up his carton of apple juice and put the straw in. “Look, I did it all by myself,” Dan said proudly.
Phil smiled at him. “Yes you did, that’s a very good job.” He put the DVD in and sat next to Dan, opening the pizza boxes and handing Dan a slice once it was cool enough.
After they ate, Phil handed Dan his bear and took the leftover pizza to the kitchen to put it in the fridge. When he came back Dan was curled up in bed with his eyes closed. Phil smiled and slipped into bed behind him and put his arms around Dan’s waist. “Goodnight, bear,” he whispered softly.
Dan hummed softly in response, already half asleep. He relaxed back into Phil’s arms and fell asleep with a smile on his lips.
Phil played with Dan’s hair gently to lull him to sleep. He was worried about what happened during Dan’s liveshow earlier. He wondered how much people had seen and if they had figured out Dan was a little. Phil sighed and closed his eyes. Whatever happened, he and Dan would get through it together.